Chapter 43: Love and Hate
The castle beamed amongst its darkness. Almost every little window gave off light. Those tiny orange lights seemed to connect together. You could still see breaks, spaces in between them. But when you blurred your vision just a little bit, the entire structure became one big light. Hogwarts. The school of witchcraft and bloody wizardry.
"So what exactly was the point of us coming here then?" Macnair demanded, angry.
Yaxley looked back at him in disgust, "You're constantly complaining about us doing nothing, and when we finally decide to go out and do something… you're still complaining." He took out his wand and approached Macnair slowly. He leaned in close to his right ear. "I would like you to know that if there was someone left to take your place, I would not hesitate in the slightest to kill you off right here and now." He leaned back to look him in the eye. "But… unfortunately, there are only four of us left and we'll need the extra man. So it's your lucky fucking day, Macnair. Now shut your gob, because I could still take out you bloody tongue."
Rowle stepped out from the darkness and came up to join Yaxley at the peak of the cliff. "Right here was where he stood. Right on this rock. Just minutes before the battle. We were all so certain of victory."
"That we were." Yaxley nodded. "Sadly, things didn't go tremendously as planned. And now we must adapt to our new situation. We must avenge the dark lord. And we cannot stop until he is avenged." He turned back to his men. His three bloody men. The three god damn musketeers.
"I don't know about you lads, but I don't see a future for myself and you lot without the dark lord. But I do see something else. I see vengeance. I see redemption. The four of us… we're outnumbered, yes. But we can still carry out this one last mission. After all, Potter is just a boy."
"A boy who killed the dark lord… twice." Greyback muttered.
"With that kind of attitude, we won't get anywhere, dog." Yaxley spat.
"I just want the mudblood. That's all I care about. She did this." He pointed at the scar running across his face. "And I want her to pay… with her filthy blood."
"Big deal… she scarred your incredibly handsome face. It's not like you were a top model before she did that." Macnair chuckled.
Yaxley expected Greyback to launch on Macnair right at that moment. He was ready to start adjusting to a smaller number already. But Greyback stayed where he was, completely still.
"Say what you want, Macnair. But just like Yaxley said. There's nothing left for us but revenge. And that's what I want. Whatever it takes. As long as I get to kill Hermione Granger. As long as I get to feast on her flesh. Maybe have some fun with her first." There was a fanatic look in his eye. One of pure insanity and obsession. This animal wanted its prey badly.
Yaxley was very impressed. Ever since he reunited with Greyback since the battle, the werewolf was different. More collected, smarter. He was determined to achieve his goal, and Yaxley respected that. He needed that. From all of them.
"Greyback's attitude is exactly what I expect from all of you if you really want to go through with this. Potter's Weasley girl… the mudblood Granger. They're both in this castle. We can't sneak in. It's been completely fixed and I have no doubt the new headmaster has improved its defences. But we know our targets are here. We need to know when they leave… and where. Once we know… we can get them. And once we get them… Potter will be left at our mercy."
Truth be told, Yaxley didn't know whether the Granger girl was actually back at Hogwarts. But it didn't matter. He just needed the redhead. Granger's purpose was to motivate Greyback.
"As for Macnair and Rowle… you two need to find your own targets. If your target is Potter, like mine. Then you will want the Weasley girl as much as me. But you're welcome to find someone else… the headmaster perhaps… or that bastard Longbottom. Apparently, he was the one who slashed Nagini with the sword. Either way… we'll apparate back here every couple of weeks. We'll scout the place from the outside, and we will slowly but surely get intel on whereabouts. Now… we have to be careful. One mistake could be the end for us."
"Suppose we find our targets… suppose we manage to track them until they're outside of castle grounds. What then?" Rowle asked.
Yaxley smiled. "Simple. We take them. Incapacitate and kidnap. Quick and efficient. Just like we did during the Dark Lord's reign. Once we get them back to our hideout. We interrogate. Find out as much as possible. I know for a fact everyone here will enjoy the interrogation part." All four of them smiled in unity. "Once we get what we need, we reach out to the chosen one himself. And we tell him about the situation. He'll come rushing to find us no doubt. Only to land into a trap. That's when we'll kill his girl in front of him and then kill him. If we find the time, we kill the rest of the Weasleys too just for good measure. And then… once we taste sweet revenge… we split. Simple as. Whatever comes afterwards is up to you."
The group remained silent for a while. All of them studying the castle carefully.
"Sounds like a plan," Rowle said.
"Indeed." Added Macnair, finally satisfied.
"The mudblood." Greyback echoed. "As long as I get the mudblood."
Yaxley couldn't help but feel a bit of remorse for the poor Granger girl. Her future didn't look promising at all. It fuelled his veins with excitement.
She woke when her hand landed on an empty space on the bed. She turned to see Harry standing at their dorm's window, observing.
"Morning." Said Harry, not taking his eyes from the window.
"Hey. Is something wrong?" Hermione asked, rubbing her eyes. She could never get used to the sensation of being naked in bed. It didn't feel bad. It felt good, actually. But it was still funny and strange at times. Waking up naked next to Harry Potter. Well… maybe not today, though.
"No… everything is fine. It's just. I don't know." He answered, still staring out the window. Hermione knew that look. It was that scouting thing he always did during the Horcrux hunt. Whenever they set up a new camp or apparated to a new place he would always scan the entire area. But why was he doing it at Hogwarts?
"Harry… you're kind of freaking me out. What's wrong?"
He finally broke his stare from the window and looked back at her. Then he smiled and sat down at her feet. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are in the morning?"
She smiled back, "Are you trying to say I'm not beautiful at other times?"
"Don't try to twist my words." He chuckled, as his hand travelled up her leg.
"Well, I won't if you finally tell me why you were scouting the window like some nosey neighbour granny."
"I just felt something strange during the night. It woke me up. I didn't think much of it… so I went back to sleep. But then I woke up again at sunset and felt it again. This weird feeling of being watched, you know?"
"You think someone is spying on us?" Hermione asked, worried.
Harry shook his head again, "It's probably nothing. I've been a little bit overly paranoid lately, that's all. I've just been really tense. Emotionally."
"I know. Me too, Harry. But we shouldn't let it consume us." She assured him.
They stayed like that in silence. Comfortable silence. Waiting for the sun to properly rise along the horizon.
"You know… you still haven't told me." Hermione murmured.
He looked down into her eyes.
"What you saw… you were supposed to tell me last night." She smiled, "But then we got sidetracked."
Harry knew she was being serious behind that smile. He let out a deep breath.
"Harry… if it's something bad… if someone… If I-"
"It's not anything bad, Hermione. It's… it's something good. It's something amazing"
Her face lit up, with both relief and curiosity, "What did you see?"
He stared into her eyes for a while, the tension in his chest rising. "I've been thinking. If I tell you… what if it doesn't happen?"
"What do you mean?" Her smile fainting.
"I'm worried that if I tell you it won't happen." He admitted.
Hermione gripped his arms and climbed onto his lap, looking down at him, "You're worried that it might NOT happen? That's interesting then."
The morning was not a good time for her to be on his lap. He smiled back regardless. "I want nothing else but for that vision to come true, Hermione."
She bit her lip, deep in thought, then nodded. "Alright. Fine, don't tell me."
"Huh?" He was lost for words, "I thought you really wanted to know."
"It's something good… it's something that you want to happen. And it's something that might not happen if you tell me. I'm willing to sacrifice my curiosity because I want it to happen too. But only on one condition."
"That being?"
"When it does happen, you'll tell me right away. Or the moment we see each other as soon as it does happen, anyway." Great compromise if she could say so herself.
Harry nodded, "You'll know it the moment it happens." Of course, she would. She was in the vision. She WAS the vision. His future with her.
"In that case, I'm happy to leave it at that." She agreed and bent down to kiss him as the sun rose higher and higher.
Breakfast was very ordinary. Except there was someone missing in the hall that morning. Maria. Harry couldn't help but wonder what she was up to. Perhaps she still felt bad and decided to stay in the dorms. He hated the idea of her starving herself due to guilt. What Maria did was vile, but truth be told, Harry was starting to forget it. Hermione was right, the memories of his dream were fading away. But there was something. A part of him… deep within him, that felt bad for Maria, that wanted to know she was alright.
It was later in the day when he found himself strolling through the wooden bridge. Hermione was in her ancient runes lesson, easily one of the most boring subjects at Hogwarts, something she would disagree with wholeheartedly. Harry smiled at that thought. Being at Hogwarts without Ron made him forget how fun their brakes used to be. And then telling Hermione all about it once she finished her classes. He continued down the bridge and out into the open plain. Hagrid's house was nearby, Harry was about to head down towards it when he saw a figure sitting on the grass on the opposite end of the plain. Maria.
He was approaching her when she looked up and her eyes opened wide in fear.
"Harry!" She gasped, rushing to her feet.
"Woah, hey! It's alright. Sorry to scare you." He answered, holding up his hands.
"Do you uh… want something?" She asked nervously.
"No, I just… wondered… why are you here all by yourself?"
"Oh. Well I… I like it here. Quiet, peaceful. Just what I need."
It took him a while to notice she must've been crying. It was hard to notice flaws within all those perfect features. Maria was indeed very beautiful. But she wasn't Hermione-beautiful. She was just plain good old prefect-beautiful. Just like Fleur. Hermione's beauty was special, one of a kind. The type only some would notice. The type that shows everywhere, not just in one place. Harry felt strange. His mind was telling him that he should be in love with Maria's looks. His mind was screaming to tell her how amazing she is and how perfect her face looks. And yet, that desire would completely fade the moment he thought of Hermione Granger. Was it love? Was the power of love conquering Maria's Vella power?
"Well, that's probably the biggest bit of bullshit I've heard all month." Harry chuckled and sat down on the grass.
Maria, quite confused, did the same. "Didn't think you were the swearing type."
"I'm not. But I like it sometimes. Swearing puts more life into words. I just wish it was more poetic or attractive. Then I'd use it all the time. But it's powerful nevertheless."
"The power of words."
"Indeed." Harry agreed.
They sat in silence for a good while, but Harry could feel Maria's discomfort, and he himself felt slightly out of place. It wasn't the comfortable silence he always had with Hermione.
"So why exactly are you out here, then?" Harry asked again.
Maria struggled to form an answer, but then she did, "I'm debating whether I should leave." She confessed, ripping out little bits of grass."
"Is it because of what happened?"
"Well… yes. You see I've always been a good sleeper. Every since I was a little baby, I always slept like an angel. Or at least my mother always tells me. I never woke up in the middle of the night crying. Sleep has been my best friend since day one. And yet… last night… I couldn't close my eyes. I couldn't even look in the mirror. I was scared I might throw up at my own appearance."
He couldn't help but marvel at her words. A vella, hating herself. The world was strange.
"Listen, Maria. Nothing we do will ever change what happened. Truth be told, parts of that dream have already started to disappear from my mind. But none of it will change the fact it happened. The only thing we have to comfort ourselves is the fact that it was only a dream. And ourselves, of course."
She looked him in the eyes for the first time.
"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you for what you did to me. And for what you tried to do to Hermione. But I'm ready to start forgetting. I'm ready to start moving on. But I can only do so if you do too. Are you ready?"
Maria noded. "I want to be. I want to change. I want to be different. I want to start over."
"I'm glad you feel that way." Harry smiled confidently. Now we might not be the 'bestest' of friends going down the line. But I'm not about to make you my most hated nemesis either."
She laughed, "That would be nice." She looked at him again. "I am very sorry. And I do hope that one day you can forgive the unforgivable."
"I've forgiven worse, Maria. Just give it time. And I'm sure Hermione will forgive you in time too. But I don't want to get your hopes up."
"Alright. Thank you, Harry." She answered.
They sat there for a little longer. The silence being slightly more comfortable this time.
"Could I ask you something? Two things actually." Maria added.
"Go on."
"Why are you helping me?"
He looked back at her, "Because you're not a bad person, Maria. You're a decent person who made some horrible decisions, which led to horrible actions. But I believe there is always good in people. As long as they have the will to be good. Everyone is born good. Some stray into darkness, others stay in the light. But as long you feel regret for what you did… that is how you know there's still time to start making good decisions.
"Who did you learn that from?"
Harry smiled, "Several people. Hermione Granger… Albus Dumbledore. Ron Weasley. Remus Lupin. Sirius Black. And very recently… Severus Snape."
"I see. Well, I guess if I had my own list… you would be on it."
"Thanks," Harry answered. "What was the other question?"
"What is it like to love?"
Harry thought about it for a long while. "It's like no other feeling in the world. Imagine a person. Just a random person. Like a friend or a relative. Naturally, you like them. You wish them good health and success in life. But when it comes to the one… the person you love most of all. They are everything to you. They are your soul… your heart. They are what makes your emotions. What controls your thoughts and your choices. Everything you do… everything you say and think is inspired and fuelled by your emotions towards that person. You spend hours, days of your life just thinking about them. Little things you do bring them into your head. The feeling in your chest. The unexpected smile on your lips when you think of them. The desire to see them… to touch them, to know they are close. It's almost too much to process at once. Sometime it might be overwhelming. Especially at first. It can make you feel like you're about to explode. And it all balances out when you find out they feel the same. You experience a sense of peace. A sense of fulfilment. Contentment."
"Wow. There's a lot more to it than I thought. And now I instantly know I've never felt that." Maria answered.
Harry smiled at her, "One day you will. But let me tell you something important."
She looked back at him.
"Nobody can tell you if you're in love. No one can guide you there or show you the way. No one can open that door for you. You'll just know it. Just like you know day and night. Just like you know fear and happiness. You will know it when you feel it. And it will be the greatest thing you'll ever feel.
"How was your break?" Hermione asked.
"Uneventful, how was class?" Harry answered.
"Quite boring, to be honest." Hermione smiled, knowing full well how much Ron would give to hear her say that.
"You know if Ron was here he would probably die of shock" Harry laughed.
"Well, it was. Mostly because I already covered everything we studied today. I'm quite pleased to say I'm ahead in all of my classes now. Which means we can get to the best part of the day."
"Are you sure you're ready?" Harry asked, "I don't want you to overload yourself with work. Remember what McGonagall said; bonding with our inner animal can take months of hard work and extreme effort. Those words on their own make me feel exhausted.
"Oh no. Harry Potter you are most definitely not going to try and use me as an excuse to back from this." She laughed, seeing completely through him. "I am one hundred percent prepared to do this. Besides, unlike you, I've actually taken time to read the first pages of that book. And I think you'll find it much more relaxing than you could have imagined."
Ten minutes later they were out in the gardens, laying flat on their back, staring at the late afternoon sky.
"So… this is how we become animagi?" Harry asked.
"In order to bond with our inner animal, we must first bond with ourselves and the nature that surrounds us. Page number three, chapter one." Hermione quoted.
"Right. Becoming one with nature. Sounds like something a hippie muggle would say."
Hermione laughed and then grabbed Harry's hand as they stared into the sky. "Well, I would say this is rather nice." She informed, Harry noticed the little blue light rising underneath her shirt collar.
Harry smiled, "Can't argue with you there."
A/N: Woah. I'm back! Writing once again! I bet the people reading this story in the future years from now will be so grateful they discovered the story later and didn't have to wait months and months to read a new chapter like the poor souls reading this today. Anyhow, the story shall be picking up the pace here once again. Expect time jumps…
