Chapter 8

Mandark and Autumn went back in to therapy one morning…as Autumn wore her pajamas. Mandark smiled a gentle, nourishing, and soothing smile. "You've covered a lot in the past few weeks". "You're doing very well now". "Well, we're doing well now". "We're communicating much better, we're talking to one another, you're feeling happier….we have a good relationship now". "It's something that I cherish a lot….because, I'm beside you". Mandark said, in a gentle, softened, soothing voice. "And you're feeling much better too". Mandark smiled a kind, loving, and nourishing smile.

"I am….and I really thank you as well". Autumn said, as she looked upwards at Mandark. She held Mandark's hand, as they parked in the plaza parking lot, where Autumn had her therapy.

They went inside, greeting the attendant, as Autumn sat down, seeing the plainness of the waiting room. Mandark kissed Autumn's ear, as he nuzzled her. When the attendant called Autumn, she went back to see I.R. Baboon. Autumn sat in his office, as he brought over some cocoa and a blanket. "Hi again, honey". I.R. Baboon said, gently with a soothing, relaxing, calm, softened aspect to his voice. "Hi". Autumn replied, as she sat down on the couch. "It's comfy, isn't it?". "I like how soft the couch is….it helps me when I need it". "It helps this tushy feel mushy". I.R. said, gently with a playfulness. He chuckled afterwards.

"So in any case….welcome". "How have things been?". I.R. asked, kindly with a soothing, softened gentleness. He was wearing his tie. "Things have been good, actually". Autumn said. "I've been communicating better with Susan, (Mandark), we've been kissing and hugging every night, and showering together….we've been very well". "And Mandark is someone I trust very well". "I can truly say I'm falling in love with him….and that I have feelings for him….just as I know he has feelings for me". "I can say that I'm moving on from Florence….and that I'm moving on from my parents….while they'll be a memory I keep, I know they'll always be there". Autumn said.

"That is a nice thing that you're becoming better with it". "You have a boyfriend now…and I think it's good for you…and for the healing process". "You're in love now…..and there's nothing more amicable than that". "You and Susan make an excellent couple, and with the love you share….there's nothing that's unattainable". I.R. said, kindly with soothing gentleness. Autumn nodded. "We have a good relationship….Susan and I". "We always will". Autumn said, as she and I.R. chuckled.

"So…you're healing…that's wonderful….and you've gotten better with problem-solving and stress". "You're doing so well, coochie". "I'm so proud of you". I.R. said, gently with kindness.

"Thank you". Autumn replied. I.R. smiled a gentle smile, as he brushed little Autumn's cheeks. "But we're not quite done yet". "There's still something I'd like to work with you, on". I.R. said, in a gentle, loving, soothing voice. Mandark nodded, as he sipped some of his cocoa. "What'll it be?". "I think I know". Mandark said, gently with kindness.

"Yes, what is it?". Autumn asked. "Well, I was hoping we could touch upon something more eloquent that might help with the healing process". "Let's focus on your infancy….something that happens to be an indicator of early trauma….and an early aspect of hardship". I.R. suggested, kindly with softened soothingness. "Your infancy was very traumatic….and it was very hard for you….because you were born with this condition….which was a mixup of one of protein codons present in the Mrna sequence". I.R. said, gently with a softened, soothing voice. "No one was at fault….it was just a botched Mrna sequence…that came at the time of cell meiosis". I.R. explained softly with a gentle, loving, and soothing voice. "You were born with this disorder…but it was through no fault of your own". "It was just an instance of bad luck".

"Yet, when your birth mother, Reineea gave birth to you….there was an instant aspect of joy in her eyes….there was an instant aspect of love, kindness, and altruism…understanding in her eyes….something that hadn't been present before because….she had a hard life in Ukraine". "The both of you….looked into one another's eyes….and there was an immediate connection….there was just a connection that you both knew was beautiful, organic, and natural". "She looked at you…..and saw a magnificent young woman….someone with so much tenacity, grace, and beauty…that could only be shared between a birth mother and her baby girl….her newborn". "She gave birth to you….and cried tears of joy….because you were her greatest gift". "Every birth mother does that when she sees her newborn…whether she decides to keep her newborn or not". "But she kept you close….and she nuzzled you….she kissed your tiny head, she hummed a gentle song to you…..while you connected to her….and were kept safe by her warmth". I.R. explained in a softened, gentle, soothing voice. "Your birth mother….loved you….and later on, let you suckle milk from her breasts". "You drank milk from her breasts…..and your eyes opened for the first time….your hand, and your mouth latched onto her….while you were nourished, as the snow fell outside on a winter's day". I.R. spoke in an incredibly soothing, relaxed, and kind voice.

It was Mandark's turn to speak now. (they shared their thing) as his voice was calm, softened, soothing, relaxed, kind, gentle, sexual, light, airy, and raspy. Against the duct of a creamy white.

"Yes, the snow fell, with its snowflakes, while birth mom held you in her arms, and you drank milk from her breasts". "She hummed a gentle, kind song to you, while you drank your milk….there was quiet, there was calm, and there was nothing that could separate a mom from her baby". Mandark said, in his soothing, calm, relaxed, sexual, light, airy and raspy voice.

"You and mom did so well for a while….until she was diagnosed with brain cancer, and her illness was terminal". "She passed on….and you were held one last time before you had to say goodbye". Mandark said, soothingly with calm, even more enhanced softness and gentleness to a calm voice. "Then, you were handed to the police, and taken to the orphanage". Mandark's voice softened with kindness and soothingness. "There, no one held you like birth mom did….or kissed you…nor did they cuddle you, or let you have the natural calm of attachment, and nourishment…like you had with birth mom". "They never abused you….however, they never did too well". "That's when your nourishment ended….and you were in a new world of rote, monotone, robotic, still effervescence". "You were never nourished, or cared for….you were left alone". "Ignored….which sounds mean, but there's no reason an orphanage shouldn't at least have the right measures in place to stimulate children….not subject them". Mandark said, soothingly with gentleness. Autumn nodded.

"Yes…and how does it make you feel?". "Are you sad that birth mom passed away?". I.R. asked, kindly in a soothing, gentle voice. Autumn looked away for a moment. "Kind of….I feel like….with how stable we were in that part of the city, I could've been ok with my mom…we could've lived a normal life…..and if we needed more medical care, we would've come to the United States". "I had a good life in the U.S. and now….I don't mind my genetic disorder…I mind my Autism….because….I've learned differently, I've operated differently, I am different….and I never wanted to be….because I'd be a much calmer, more rational person without it". "That's what I've observed". "I wish my birth mom didn't pass away….because I wouldn't have had Autism, and I would've been normal….more importantly….I would've been with my mom….with someone I love and care about….even now". Autumn said. "I love my birth mom". Autumn wiped a tear from her eyes.

"Yes, and you lost her….which is sad….I understand". I.R. said, soothingly with gentle kindness. "Does it make you depressed?". I.R. asked in a gentle, softened, soothing manner. "Kind of". Autumn replied. "It makes me sad….it makes me really sad…..I mean, it wouldn't change my health problems…..but at least, I would have my mom….by my side….my adoptive parents were nice….but they went away too". Autumn sighed.

"So, you felt abandoned, and alone?". I.R. asked, in a soothing, gentle whisper. "I've always felt that way….I haven't actually realized how bad it was until….until I became an adult". "And now….it feels really bad". "I just….I want my mom….and my dad". Autumn said, in a fragile, quiet, broken, saddened voice. "Mom". Autumn felt a tear stream down her cheeks, as Mandark kissed her cheeks, gently. "Where are my parents?". Autumn asked, as she sniffled, feeling tears. "They're in heaven now, honey". "They're in the other realm….but it's ok…they're always with you…..even birth mom…..she would see you now, and see the amazing, strong young woman you've become". Mandark whispered, kindly with soothing gentleness. "Which you are a strong young woman". Mandark whispered, gently with kind soothingness. "Darling".

Autumn nodded, as she sniffled. "I guess I am". Autumn said. Mandark smiled, as he kissed Autumn's cheeks. "Yes, you are a lovely woman….and birth mom would be proud of you….because you fought….you lived, and fought each and every day". "You are a fighter….a fighter of every sort". "You can do anything". I.R. whispered, gently with soothingness. "I know". Autumn replied. Autumn began to cry, as she sniffled, looking around for a moment. "It's just hard…..I guess…..because…..I lost my birth mom…..when I needed her most". Autumn said, tearfully.

"I understand". I.R. whispered, kindly with soothing softness. "I understand, honey….and yes, it takes a while now". "It takes a while yet for grieving to make its full transition". "You'll get through it….I know you will". I.R. assured in a kind, soothing, gentle whisper. "Don't be doubtful, honey….everything will be ok". "I promise you". I.R. whispered this gently with soothing kindness. Autumn cried, as she felt a whirlwind of emotions, realities, and harsh enactments that were larger than her. "Everything will be ok, darling….I promise you". I.R. whispered, kindly with soothing gentleness. Autumn nodded, as she innocently drank from her milk sippy cup. She seemed to gaze an Autistic gaze, as she made sucking noises near her thumbs.

"Will my birth mom come back one day?". Autumn asked, innocently in a fragile, small sounding voice. Mandark exchanged glances with I.R. for a quick moment….then, looked back at Autumn. "I'm afraid not, honey". "She's in heaven now…..she found a home in heaven….and she's happy there now". "Though she loves when she can see you". I.R. whispered, gently with kindness. "Ok". Autumn said, sadly. Mandark smiled a gentle, soothing, softened smile. "Your birth mom is very proud of you….and she loves you very much….you'll meet again…in the far future….maybe….we just don't know what comes after". "But no matter what happens, if you see her or not, she still loves you very much". Mandark whispered, kindly with gentle soothingness. Autumn nodded, as she drank from her sippy cup. "She does love me very much…..and so do my other mom and dad….from America". Autumn said, as she sucked on her sippy cup.

"They love you too". Mandark whispered, gently with softened soothingness. Autumn nodded, as she looked upwards, sighing a deepened, emotional sigh. Mandark smiled, as he kissed Autumn's cheeks, lovingly. "Your mom and dad love you very much". Mandark whispered, gently with kind soothingness. Autumn sighed again, as she sniffled. She stood up, walking around.

"Darling….is everything ok?". I.R. asked, kindly with a gentle, soothing whisper. Autumn nodded, sighing. "I'm ok". Autumn replied. Autumn walked around for a moment with her sippy cup.

"You did a very good job talking and sharing with me today". "I'm so proud of you". I.R. whispered, gently with kind soothingness. Autumn nodded, drinking from her bottle.

"Thank you". Autumn replied. I.R. smiled a gentle, kind smile as he shuffled some papers. "yes, you did beautiful today". "We're so proud of you". Mandark whispered gently with a kind soothingness. Autumn sighed a bit, as she sucked on her sippy cup. Mandark held out his hand, as Autumn took his hand, and he scooped her into a hug. "You are doing so well, coochie". "I'm proud of you". Mandark whispered gently with soothing kindness. Autumn nodded as she drank her almond milk.

"Yes, at this point….she's grieving now". "She needs some time to be calm, quiet and reflective". "Right now…she needs as much nourishment and care….as much affection and tenderness….supervision as possible". "Try for a half an hour to an hour of holding time….and cuddling time….bedtime…because she needs this in order to grieve properly". "Adaptional grieving is a quiet, calm, and reflective process for Autistic international adoptees". "They need gentleness in order to focus through it properly". I.R. whispered gently. He watched as Autumn sighed an emotional, deepened, exhausted, heavy sigh.

She made sucking noises as she wandered around. "Thank you….we'll keep it in mind". Mandark whispered. Mandark finished his cocoa. "Autumn". Mandark whispered gently with kindness as he folded his hands. Autumn lifted her head. "It's time to go now". "Are you ready?". Mandark asked in a gentle, soothing, softened, kind voice. Autumn nodded as she drank from her sippy cup.

Mandark stood up from his chair, taking Autumn's hands. "Let's say goodbye to the doctor". Mandark said, gently with soothing kindness. "Yes, you need bedtime, medicine, and quiet time". "Some time for me to hold you before bed at 8:00". Mandark muttered, gently with soothing kindness. Autumn nodded as she said goodbye while I.R. smiled, hugging Autumn gently and treating her with a gentle kiss before saying goodbye.

Mandark smiled as he and Autumn came from the office. "Did I do something bad?". Autumn asked as she looked up at Mandark. Autumn had a wary glance on her innocent, tired, porcelain face.

"No, of course not, coochie". "You didn't do anything wrong". "You are doing so well now". "I'm so proud of you". Mandark said, gently with loving softness. "Then, why do I have to go to bed at 8:00 tonight?". Autumn asked. "Well, I was thinking an early bedtime would be good for us….to reflect and to find peace". "It'd be nice to have an early bedtime….so we can cuddle, and talk, kiss and nuzzle". "Whatever we decide to do". "Besides….you miss your mom and dad….and it'd be nice to have some quiet time….and relax". Mandark said, gently in a loving, soothing voice. "Bedtime will be at 8 this evening….early enough to reflect, unwind, and feel peaceful….meditate". "Does that sound good?". Mandark asked, gently with softened soothingness.

Autumn nodded. "That sounds good". Autumn replied. Mandark smiled a gentle smile, as he turned the car into the driveway.

"Let's go inside and make some dinner, honey". "Then, we'll cuddle". Mandark said, gently with soothing kindness. Autumn nodded. "Want to go to bed after dinner?". Mandark asked, gently with kind soothingness. Autumn nodded as she drank her milk.

Mandark prepared some dinner, as he gave Autumn her injections. They talked for a while, Autumn ate her soup, while drinking more of her milk. "Nice, wasn't it?". Mandark asked, kindly. "Yeah". Autumn replied.

Mandark refilled Autumn's almond milk, while she went into their bedroom. She got into bed, pulling the covers over her, while she sighed a deepened sigh….breathing a heavy breath. Autumn looked upwards as she sighed for a moment…closing her eyes.

She sighed for a moment, as a small cry came from her. She breathed….as she sighed a deep, pensive sigh. Autumn laid in bed thinking for a while….for a long time…as she closed her eyes again. Some softened rustling was heard as she glanced beside her….seeing Mandark come into bed.

"Hey, honey….how are you doing?". Mandark asked soothingly with gentle softness. Mandark's insect-like lips moved as he spoke. Mandark whispered this, as his insect-cockroach, or Millipede-like lips moved with dissonance as he spoke. "I'm ok". Autumn replied as she looked…gazed upwards at the ceiling.

"Feeling ok?". "Can I get you anything….or help you with anything?". Mandark asked, in a gentle, soothing, softened whisper. "I'm ok". Autumn replied. Mandark smiled a kind smile…inching closer to Autumn. "Can I stay beside you at least….and hold you?". Mandark whispered kindly with softness. Autumn nodded as she stayed beside Mandark as he pulled her close to his arms, kissing her….just kissing her in a wealth of affection. Autumn sighed a bit…..as she felt the nuance of grief. Mandark kept holding her….snuggling and nuzzling her. It was an eternal aspect that they both enjoyed. Autumn drank her milk before she fell asleep.

As the middle of the night came to fruition, Autumn got up from her bed, walking around. She stared vacantly as she made a few sucking noises while in a catatonic stupor. Mandark rustled a bit in bed, extending his hand outwards. "Darling". Mandark whispered gently with a soothing, loving whisper. "Time to come back to bed now". "Come see me". Mandark prompted in a soothing, gentle, loving whisper. Autumn walked towards the bed as Mandark extended his hand for Autumn to take.

"Mom….dad". Autumn said, as she looked upwards…in her fragile, innocent manner. "Shhh, it's ok". "It's ok now". "Mommy and daddy love you very much". "Time for bed now, baby". "Come see me….darling". Mandark whispered gently with soothingness. Autumn came to see Mandark, as she got into bed, while he held her close.

"Time to sleep, little one". "Just close your eyes….take a deep breath and relax….it's going to be ok". Mandark whispered gently with soothingness as he brushed Autumn's cheeks, lovingly. "I love you so much". "I do". Mandark whispered, kindly with gentle soothingness. "You've given me everything….baby". Mandark's whispers were gentle, soothing and loving. Autumn felt comforted by Mandark as she felt his tender touches and his kisses. She fell asleep, as she closed her eyes…..feeling the cusp of innocence. For the night.