Two-Brains groaned, slamming his fists on the table and leaning back.
NOTHING was working! He knew WordGirl's secret identity and there was NOTHING he could do with it! He couldn't blackmail her, he couldn't attack her, he couldn't even TELL ANYBODY that he knew! All of the other villains either wouldn't believe him or would DEMAND that he hand over the information.
I can't even BRAG about this! I can't tell any of the villains, I can't tell the news, I can't tell-
-Two-Brains looked up, eyebrows raised.
…There was one person he could tell.
Literally…ONLY one person.
"Hey Boss, where are you going?" asked one of his henchmen.
"I'm off to WordGirl's house, of course," said Two-Brains with a smile. "Gonna tell her we know her secret identity."
"Oh yeah, Boss? But wait…why do you look so down?"
Two-Brains shook his head.
"I'm not down! I'm HAPPY! I'm ALWAYS happy when I get a leg up on WordGirl! That's why I'm going to go and tell her that we know her secret! I'm gonna SAVOR the look on her face!"
Two-Brains tried to look happy about the whole ordeal. He tried to MAKE himself happy about the whole ordeal.
Come on, you're still getting as much out of this as you can. You can't USE the information but hey, at least you can scare WordGirl for a few moments. That's…that's something, right?
He could picture knocking on her door and telling her that he knew. She'd be shocked.
At first.
She wouldn't know what to say. She would start to panic. She would deny it but he would explain to her that he knew her secret. She would be unable to move, her mind would RACE for a solution.
At first.
And then, within five minutes, she would realize all of the same things HE had realized. That there was nothing he could actually do with the information. That her family and friends were still safe. That Two-Brains had no power over her.
WordGirl was smart. She WOULD realize it.
But not at first. During those first couple of moments…during the INITIAL stages of panic and terror…she WOULD be afraid.
Literally the only thing Two-Brains could do with his newly-discovered secret was to savor that briefest moment of fear. He could enjoy it. Enjoy the ILLUSION of being one-up on WordGirl, even for a handful of seconds.
And hey, was it REALLY that small of a prize? He LOVED humiliating WordGirl, almost as much as he loved cheese. He loved tormenting her, making her second-guess herself or trip over her own thoughts. He recalled the time he told her he was doing a very simple, VERY straightforward cheese robbery with no complications whatsoever…and the idea had filled her with such paranoia she had been barely able to function.
At first.
Eventually, WordGirl had figured it out, and the paranoia had come to an end. But during those first few moments…Two-Brains had been VERY pleased with himself.
THAT was a good day, thought Two-Brains. A VERY good day indeed.
And now I'm gonna do it again.
Hello Becky.
Hi WordGirl.
Two Brains grabbed his lab coat and made his way towards the door.
"Okay, good luck boss! See you soon!"
"Yeah, sure," muttered Two-Brains.
"Wait, boss! You're forgetting the indestructible cheese-rope-spray!"
Two-Brains looked up, confused.
"I'm forgetting the what?"
"The cheese-spray! You know, because after you tell WordGirl that you know her secret, she'll be so shocked and distracted in the heat of the moment that you'll be able to trap her with that indestructible-cheese-rope spray of yours and then drag her back here and then use your memory-erasing ray to wipe her memories of being WordGirl and then we'll be able to take over this city completely unopposed?"
Two-Brains stopped, blinking twice.
"...I mean…that IS what you're gonna do, right Boss?"
