Knock knock…
"Bowser? Are you up?"
It was Dedede. He cracked the door gingerly.
Bowser, who was sitting up on the side of the bed, opened his eyes. He was facing the window, back turned away from the door. "...Yeah, come in."
The morning sky was overcast outside the window. It gave the room some ambient grey light that seemed to show everything in its true colors, not tinted by the warm blue and yellow of a sunny day.
"Did ya sleep okay?" the penguin asked, his voice apologetic.
"Yeah, this bed is comfy." Bowser already had on his shell and his sharp accessories. He turned around, making eye contact with his host.
"Have you been up fer a while?"
"Yeah. Just couldn't sleep much."
Dedede's blue eyes had sympathy in them. "Oh. Well, if ya wanna go back to sleep, or take a little nap…"
"Nah, I prefer to start the day whenever I wake."
"Coffee, then? Breakfast?"
Bowser smiled softly. "Ya had me at coffee."
"How do you take it, Mr. Koopa?" Dedede's personal cook, a portly yellow figure in an apron and hat, asked Bowser, grabbing two coffee mugs out of a cabinet.
"Black. How else?" The turtle rubbed some sleep out of his eyes, which were dark underneath from lack of rest.
"At least we agree on something," the penguin king said with a tired grin. Truth be told, the Koopa wasn't the only one who'd had an elusive slumber.
Okay. Today is a fresh start. Let's hope it goes better!
They were seated at a modest table, catty-cornered with one another, in one of the castle's more quaint dining areas. It was a medium-sized room without much decoration to distract from the act of feeding.
The chef brought over the coffee cups first, as well as a carafe in case they wanted refills.
"So what's the plan fer today?" Bowser asked, watching the yellow chef fill his cup with caffeine.
"Oh, y-you still wanted to go?" Dedede honestly didn't believe the Koopa would want to spend a day with him doing Dream Land things.
Bowser's mouth curled downward a bit. "Well if ya don't, it's fine, I don't-"
Nope nope nope we're not gonna mope mope mope!
"I wasn't sayin' that. Let's do this." His own voice surprised him with its firmness.
Bowser looked at him, blinking, and then his mouth curled back upward.
Their attentive cook went back to his prep area.
"Just promise not to embarrass me this time," Dedede added, forcing a big smile so it didn't come off as spiteful.
Bowser lowered his eyelids, but smiled even bigger. "Oh, I can't promise ya nothin' like that, Dede. You should know better by now!"
The penguin raised an eyebrow. "Listen here, Koopa!"
Bowser laughed.
"Don't worry yer lil' blue head. I'm like, 80 percent sure I'll be on my best behavior!" He took a big drink of his coffee, keeping his twinkling eyes locked on the penguin's. "I'll have those Twiddle Dees eatin' outta the palm of my hand, just you watch."
Something in his eyes, in the way he spoke, it was just so… charming.
I'll be on my best behavior, too. No more rude, defensive reactions! No more offendin' my guest! Even if he offended me first… the picnic's in the past! I'm the biggest man around here! I'm gonna thicken my skin even if it kills me. Watch out – New Dedede is coming to town!
The chef returned quickly, placing a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon, and another plate stacked with pancakes on the table.
Dedede gave a thumbs-up. "Thanks, Kawasaki."
The cook nodded and saw himself out.
Bowser took a whiff. "Nothin' like the smell of bacon in the morning…"
"Dig in," Dedede said.
The pair were as different as could be. Dedede ate in small, measured bites, while Bowser practically breathed in his food like Kirby. At least they weren't sharing it like at the picnic, or else the penguin would've gone hungry. Dedede could definitely be quite the piggish eater at times, considering his past and his proficiency in the Gourmet Race, but lately when he was around guests he tried to at least pretend to be well-adjusted; it was all part of his attempt to fix his reputation as a greedy, lazy ruler.
Bowser took a big glug of his java. "Headache cure if I ever saw one."
"Yeah. So I was thinking… we can head into town, see what's up, and if it's boring-"
"I'm sure it'll be more than amusing. Yo, can you pass me the carafe?"
Dedede obliged. Bowser took more coffee.
"Want a pancake?"
"Sure."
The penguin grabbed one with his fork and clumsily dropped it on the Koopa's plate. Dedede poured some more syrup on his pancakes and bacon, handing the bottle over to his companion.
The bird wasn't much for eggs, but he figured Bowser might like them, which appeared to be true from the way he gobbled them down. Everything he did, even eating, the Koopa did with gusto, it seemed.
When they were finished, they both sighed, bloated from the day's first meal. Dedede stretched in his chair.
"Sure we can't take a nap?" yawned the penguin.
"What, like, together?" Bowser smirked.
"N-no, is that what you had in mind?" He was getting better at keeping his cool with these jokes, though it still made him sweat.
"You do kinda look like a big, soft, fluffy pillow. I could lay on you and probably fall asleep."
Never mind. His cool was lost. "That's- that's not happening."
"Can I at least pluck your feathers to stuff MY pillow?" the Koopa asked, a sweetness in his voice which contrasted with his words.
Dedede was happy to be able to think of a quick comeback. "Can I borrow some of your scales? I need a new wallet."
"Good one, jerkface." Bowser grinned, leaning back in his chair. "Betcha couldn't afford a wallet made outta me. We're talkin' the highest-end luxury brand, limited edition, with the driver's license flap 'n' everything."
"Suuure. Way out of my range," the bird king reflected.
Bowser smiled, and put his arms above his head, stretching indulgently. The space under the forelimbs caught the penguin's eye for a microsecond. Dedede felt a big foot inadvertently nudge him under the table, as the Koopa's legs stretched out as well.
"I mean it, dude. I'd make a wicked wallet."
The bird chortled appreciatively, letting his companion have the last word.
This is nice. Just… shootin' the breeze. Dedede smiled to himself.
They both sat silent for a few moments, content.
"Well, let's get a move on," said the penguin. Time for take two.
LEATHER AND FEATHERS: CHAPTER 3
"Expressionism"
The sky was a muted white as it waited for the clouds to clear.
The walk from the castle into town took less than ten minutes.
Dedede couldn't help smiling a bit when he saw everyone setting up market stands and tents, despite the ground and air still being a little wet. The sight of people preparing for a festival, all doing their own little things, but together… it always filled him with inspiration and simple cheer.
Among the quaint houses and shops, which cast light shadows upon the cobblestone path, there were banners strung about, connecting the buildings like colorful spiderwebs. Tents and counters were being erected. There was the sound of construction work, hammering and drilling. The air held a sense of anticipation.
"King Dedede! Hello!" a man's voice called from underneath an awning, where he had a fruit stand set up.
There were fruits of every shape and size piled neatly into baskets. All the staples, like bananas and oranges were there, as well as more exotic fruits from further afield, creating a vivid palette which drew in the penguin with its enticing aroma.
Dedede walked over, Bowser following close behind. "Morning, Papaya," replied the avian king.
The man looked like a thinner version of Chef Kawasaki, but with hollowed out eyes and a goatee. "Who's your… friend?" he asked, looking at Bowser and trying to hide the fear on his face.
Dedede looked at the Koopa, who simply waited for him to speak.
Bet he's expecting me to say "He's not my friend." Well, today I'm New Dedede and I'm friendly and kind, bitch!
He put some change into his mental swear jar.
"Bowser. He's the ruler of the Koopa Kingdom." Dedede gave a tentative grin at Bowser, who returned it.
Papaya bowed. "Nice to meet ya, Mr. Bowser, sir. Hey, since you're new, I'll, ah… give you a little welcoming present! Take something. Whatever you want."
"Really? Uh, okay…" Bowser hesitated on a decision, finally picking up a grapefruit, which looked positively tiny, cradled in his mighty paw.
"I'll let you two get on with the show. Be sure to check out Wanda's art display!" Papaya smiled.
"Oh yeah, I forgot she was doing a sculpture this year." Dedede nodded. "Later, Papaya."
They turned to leave. As Dedede was walking away, he noticed the Koopa quickly turn back around, addressing the fruitmonger.
"T-thanks," Bowser said.
Dedede walked them through the crafts section next. "I like all the little things people make here."
There were stalls with all sorts of unique displays. Jewelry. Knitted scarves and mittens. Pinwheels. Posters. Little porcelain animals. Printed mugs and t-shirts bearing trite slogans. One counter was lined with replica ships inside glass bottles. Another featured enamel cooking trays with vintage patterns, in a variety of colors. The choices felt almost endless.
He looked at Bowser, who was busy trying to peel his grapefruit with the tips of his claws. A lone spray of juice hit him in the face.
"Some of this is tacky though," Bowser said, glancing around.
Wow, rude. But also… true…
"I don't mean I want it in my castle," Dedede quickly added. "I just think it's nice to see people expressing themselves."
"Long as they express 'emselves in an approved way, right?"
Dedede paused. "What do you mean by that?"
"Nothin'. Let's go see this art show." Bowser walked ahead.
Dedede got the sense that Bowser's comment was a dig at him not accepting the Koopa's personality. This again? I thought I was being nice…
He sighed and followed along.
I'll allow him a teensy bit of residual grudgeholding. Even though he already got his revenge by wrestling me.
O-oh yeah, that wrestling match… hmm.
…
He was jolted back to the present by a gentle elbow-nudge from his Koopa companion.
"Sup, birdy man? You're spaced out again. An' I need ya for directions."
"J-just thinkin' about… sports…"
It technically wasn't a lie.
"Oh, I didn't know ya were into sports! I play a lot! What do ya like?" Bowser seemed genuinely excited.
Dedede sweated. "I- I actually never d-did any. I was just thinking… it might be fun to try…"
The Koopa gave him a knowing look. "Wow, never got picked for the team, huh?"
The penguin's feathers ruffled. "C-can it! I just was too busy!"
"Relaaaax. I know how it is. Us jocks ain't exactly known for bein' inclusive." Bowser grinned. "I'd totally bully ya in the locker room."
"You bully me now!"
"Ain't my fault yer so bullyable."
The avian crossed his arms. "And what is it that makes me 'bullyable'? Is it my face? Do I give off some kinda pheromone that screams 'prey?'"
"I dunno! You're just so cute when yer all flustered!" Bowser blurted, his pupils constricting after he said it.
"C-cute!?" Dedede's mouth opened wide.
The turtle turned red. "I-I mean. Ya know what I mean."
What is he even saying!? Weirdo!
The penguin huffed. "This is getting off-track! I'd be good at any sport as long as I had the chance to practice!"
"Oh, for sure." Bowser grinned again, an idea lighting his red eyes. "Definitely can see why the wrestlin' league didn't take ya, however."
Dedede blushed and kept silent.
Nice, and then mean. Nice, and then mean. There's almost a rhythm to it…
They cut through a small alley. Pretty soon they got to a large circular area, which was unpaved, with light colored dirt and a few patches of resilient grass. It was surrounded by the back walls of a couple of buildings, with tents and drapery all over the place. At the rear of the space was a tall brick blockade, with creeper vines trailing down from the top.
Varied and strange art pieces and supplies were scattered about, surrounded by their creators, some of whom were working, others taking a break, most of them chatting and a few in silent contemplation.
There were portraits, sculptures, woodwork, and pottery, as well as more niche and less comprehensible creations everywhere. One artist was even making furniture, which looked visually striking yet uncomfortable.
There was Adeleine, working studiously at her easel. She was painting a garden that appeared remarkably real. It almost felt like it could jump out of the canvas, and that was actually a distinct possibility, given her painting "skills". It looked familiar, too.
"Hey, Adeleine," Dedede said.
Breaking from her concentration, she turned around. "Hi Mr. Dede!"
Then she saw his royal acquaintance.
"Bowser!" Adeleine looked overjoyed. She quickly put down her tools and ran over to embrace him.
No one's ever that excited to see me, the penguin thought.
"Um," Bowser coughed, looking self-conscious. "Suuuuup, Addy."
"We missed you!" Adeleine pulled away, keeping her hands on the Koopa's arms.
"'We?'" Bowser said.
"Of course! Bandana Dee, Kirby, Mr. Dede and myself."
Dedede's jaw dropped.
AAACK! NOOOOOO! What is she even talking about!?
The penguin adjusted his robe, not knowing what to do. "I- I didn't…"
Bowser turned and looked at him. Dedede was caught in his glance.
Those devil eyes. That same red, swirling, hypnotic gaze from last night. The one that seemed to see right through him, into the inner workings of his brain, which was currently bubbling like a cheesy casserole in the oven.
Look away, look away…
The turtledragon was annoyingly pleased. There was a lilt in his voice. "What's this about little ol' Mr. Dede missing me? Pleeeeaaaaase elaborate!"
Dedede ignored the smirk on Bowser's face and frowned, addressing the painter. "Adeleine, w-what are ya talking about? I never said I… missed him."
"You didn't have to. I could see it. You've been forlorn and quiet all month, and the moment I saw you just now, you looked anxious, but also happier and more energetic than usual." She was very energetic herself, and a little too eager to share information.
"I just had two coffees…" Dedede looked at Bowser, who had a smug, but fond expression. "What are you looking at?"
"Missed you too," Bowser said, elbowing him with a wink. His smile was sickly sweet.
Dedede overheated. "Shut up! Don't make assumptions based on the word of a young, naive artiste!"
"Does he always boil over like a kettle?" Bowser asked the painter, his cheeks strangely a slight tinge redder now. He was enjoying this a little too much.
You little… I'll… I'll boil you over!
"Yes, everyone always teases him about his reactive side." Adeleine even managed to sound like a sweetheart when she was being brutally honest.
Bowser laughed. "It's so fun pushing his buttons, ain't it?"
"I'M RIGHT HERE!" Dedede squawked.
Adeleine appeared to remember something. "Oh, Bowser, I'd like you to meet someone."
She led them over to a jagged metal sculpture about seven feet tall. Its form was abstract and unidentifiable, yet it instilled a feeling of anxiety. At the bottom of it was a small Waddle Doo woman, whom Dedede recognized. She was kneeling, hammering at the art piece attentively. She wore a pink sun hat. There was a folding ladder off to the side, with a blowtorch and a face shield resting on one of its lower steps.
"Hey! Wanda!" the painter called out.
The little orange lady took her attention off the work, turning to face them. "Hi, Addie-girl." Her singular eye, with impeccably-curled lashes, looked at the turtledragon for a moment, considering him.
Giving the Koopa's arm a light touch, the young artist began the introductions. "Wanda, this is Bowser. He's Mr. Dede's friend, visiting from afar." Adeleine gestured to the Waddle Doo. "Bowser, this is Wanda. She is the most talented sculptor I've had the privilege of meeting."
"Oh Adeleine, flattery will get you everywhere. That means a lot, coming from an artist of your caliber." Wanda chuckled. Her voice had a strange, reverberating quality to it. "And hi, Bowser, charmed I'm sure."
"A Waddle Dee with only one eye?" Bowser said curiously. "I think I saw another little guy like you…"
"I'm a Waddle Doo, and you better watch your mouth or I'll shoot electricity at ya. It's what we Doo best."
Bowser took a step back. "Doo-ly noted."
They looked at the sculpture. Dedede couldn't pretend to understand it - it was a bunch of sharp metal shapes welded together, an eyesore in a place like Dream Land where almost everything was round. But at least it was a refreshing change of pace from the usual sights.
"Sick installation you got there," Bowser offered. "Are ya sellin' it?"
"No, this is a personal piece," Wanda said. "But I take commissions once in a while. I'll give you my business card later, when my hands are free."
"So what's up, Wanda?" Dedede had been quiet, standing behind the other two.
"Oh, heyyyyy, KD, I didn't see you there! I'm just putting the finishing touches on this. Whaddya think?"
He gave it a once-over. "It's really… unique!"
"Yeah, everyone seems to dig it. I told them to keep the kids away from it though. Sharp edges and all." The sculptor nodded.
"It's unlike anything I've seen in this town. You really have a creative spirit." Dedede smiled warmly, even though he had no idea how to look at this kind of art.
"Aw, stop! I told you, I'm single for life! I'm married to my craft, unfortunately."
Dedede turned pink again. "I- I didn't-"
"Chill out, KD. I'm just messin' with ya," she chuckled.
Bowser snorted. "I think you and I will get along just fine, Wanda."
Dedede rolled his eyes. "Is everyone gonna start singlin' me out fer abuse again?"
"But you're so fun to abuse," Bowser said.
"Hey, after this, how about we all get a drink?" Wanda suggested. "I mean, Adeleine, you'll have to drink juice or something, but…"
"Hold up," Bowser said, eyes wide, "There are pubs here?"
Wanda regarded him quizzically. "Well, yeah, what do we look like, a bunch of stuffed toys?"
Silence. Then she and Bowser started to laugh.
"Drinkin' this early? Are you alright, Wanda?" Dedede said.
"I must chime in that I don't understand this, either." Adeleine scratched her head through her cap.
"What's wrong with day drinking?" Bowser said. "Not like I'm plannin' to get sloshed."
"Pffft, don't mind them," the sculptor said. "They're just a pair of goodie-two-shoes."
"You don't know what yer talkin' about, Wanda!" Dedede huffed. "I'm just concerned, that's all!"
"Well, I'm a big girl. I don't need you worrying over me. I get my best inspiration when I'm buzzed," she replied, getting up. "All done."
Dedede watched her put her little hammer down on the stepladder, adjusting her hat.
"So, we going?" Bowser said, tail wagging. "No time like the present."
"Right now?" Dedede asked. "We haven't even looked at everything."
"There'll be time for that later," Wanda said. "Now, we inhabit the liminal space between setting up… and more than twelve people being around. It's kinda dead this early. When it warms up we'll be quite busy. It's better to participate when things are more lively, and there are people to discuss the stuff with."
"Alright, you have a point," Dedede agreed.
"So, Adeleine, you gonna come with?" the Waddle Doo asked.
The young painter nodded. "Oh, I'll catch up in a bit. I just want to work a little more on this painting before I can call it complete."
"Thatta girl," Wanda said, in her echoey voice. "Just don't dawdle too long. We're not gonna drink all morning."
They left, walking back through the alley, taking a short hop down the street toward the closest watering hole, a little classy bar called The Grape Garden.
"Is this all wine?" Bowser asked, peering up at the detailed wooden sign hanging above its door.
"They have hops available. It's just that wine is their specialty," Wanda explained.
"Cool."
The outside seating area, decorated with fairy lights strung above its tables and chairs, had only a single couple, eating an overpriced lunch. It wasn't really patio weather at the moment.
Dedede hung back, walking behind them as they opened the door and entered. He felt excluded but he didn't know what to talk about. He wasn't on the same level as those two.
I feel like the kid who eats alone in the school cafeteria, while Bowser and Wanda discuss which locker to shove me into…
They seated themselves at the bar counter. Bowser was on the left, near the center of the bar, with Wanda sitting between him and Dedede.
The place was decorated minimally, trying to maintain a relaxed, almost suburban vibe. The ceiling lights hung down above the round wooden tables, their lamp shades resembling wicker baskets and emitting a white light that sat on the border of warm and cool. Some prints of grapes in various colors adorned the back walls, which had wrought iron knee-high fences running parallel, on the floor a few inches in front of them. Between these were nestled thick blocks of faux shrubbery.
There were scarcely any others there this early, except some senior citizens in a corner having brunch. They mostly had the place to themselves.
"Not my usual style, but it'll do," Bowser mumbled.
The bartender was a Knuckle Joe with an eyepatch, polishing the glasses a little too aggressively.
Bowser ordered a black and tan, which Dedede discovered was some kind of a mix of a beer and something else… maybe another beer? He wasn't really listening.
Wanda ordered some red wine, a Cabernet with an unpronounceable name.
"Is that a good one?" Dedede asked.
She shrugged. "It's different. I kind of enjoyed it last time I tried it, so I figured… why not?"
Dedede pondered, turning his attention to the Knuckle Joe, who asked, "And you, sir?"
"Um, I'll get a glass of water…"
The other two looked at him sideways.
"...And whatever she's having." He gestured to Wanda's glass.
"Deeds, well done." Bowser said. "Thought you were gonna be boring."
"Yeah, well, I'm not boring, believe it or not!" Oops, that came out sounding quite defensive. Dedede cleared his throat. "I enjoy red wine now and again."
"What about white?" Wanda asked.
"Bleh," Dedede answered. The Waddle Doo nodded.
The barkeep brought them their beverages briskly, with no one else to serve. He first poured the Dream Land natives' drinks, winking at Wanda and giving Dedede a friendly nod when he passed them the water and wine. He clunked down a full, heavy glass in front of the Koopa next, giving him a curious glance before going back to his polishing. Bowser's beer blend was a heterogeneous concoction, dark on top and light on the bottom.
The Koopa looked at the others and held up his brew. "C'mon, we can't start drinkin' till we cheers."
"Cheers…" Wanda raised her glass. "...to new friendships."
"Cheers," Dedede said, suddenly feeling shy.
They all clinked their glasses, Bowser quite aggressively.
"Careful, there, big boy," Wanda joked. "You break it, you buy it."
"Sometimes I just forget my own strength…" Bowser smiled coolly.
"Hey, KD. How'd you meet this goof?" the Waddle Doo asked, turning back to him.
Dedede blinked, somehow not expecting to be addressed. "I, ah… He kind of just… dropped in on me one day. About a month ago. Said he was looking for planets to conquer. So we went for a picnic."
Wanda giggled, spilling a drop of her wine. "That's so random!"
"Yeah, and little ol' Dede was his usual snappy self, taking every joke I made so seriously. I think he blushed more than a bride at her wedding!" Bowser joked.
Of all the turns of phrase, of COURSE he has to choose that… Okay, stay cool, stay cool…
"Ha HAAAAAA, of course. Good ol' KD." Wanda gave him a loving punch on the arm.
"Here we go, everyone's gonna gang up on me now, I suppose," Dedede scowled.
Wanda chuckled softly. "Oh, lighten up. If you weren't such an easy target, no one would even bother. Besides, we're just ribbing you 'cause we love ya. Isn't that right, Bowser?"
The Koopa looked over at the other side of the bar, mumbling, "I wouldn't go that far."
"Hey now, don't be mean to our silly penguin king. He's still a king, and I dunno about you, but he's earned my respect through his consistent actions. He's always ready to be part of the community, even when everyone ignores him."
"Even when everyone ignores me?" Dedede tried not to sound like he was about to cry. So she notices it, too. Oh, this is humiliating.
"That might have been clumsy phrasing, but I'm a sculptor, not a writer. What I mean is," Wanda continued, "Dedede often gets the cold shoulder from people who either think he's above talking to them, or who believe that because he's royalty, they HAVE to treat him differently than a regular old pal. I can't imagine how hard it must be when connections are so tenuous, and yet he's still always around to lend a helping hand or a moment to listen."
The avian's sad feelings diminished. Oh… never mind, that's actually a thoughtful thing to say.
The Waddle Doo finished her comment. "Surely you can relate to that on some level, eh, King Bowser?"
The scaly monarch didn't reply immediately.
"I guess ya could say it's not a foreign concept to me," Bowser finally answered, after a long pause.
They all became quiet again. Dedede mused on what the Koopa had just said.
"Hiiiiiii everyone!"
They all swiveled around in their seats. It was Adeleine.
"Hey!" Dedede waved.
"Yo…" Bowser said.
"Glad you made it." Wanda jumped off of her barstool. "Hey, Dedede, sit next to Bowz over here."
Dedede put down his wine glass and tried to sound casual. "W-why?"
"Because I wanna talk shop with precious little Addie here, and you're kind of a blue brick wall blocking whoever sits beside you."
"Alright, fine." He didn't know why he felt nervous again, all of a sudden. He got up and walked over a few inches and hopped up onto Wanda's abandoned seat.
The girls sat together, next to them, and were instantly chatting up a storm, while the bartender brought their new guest a hot cup of ginger tea.
Dedede eyed Bowser. His features were faint in the darkness of the bar. He looked pensive, holding his drink in his hand and taking a sip here and there.
"Um… how are ya enjoyin' things so far?" the penguin asked.
"Better'n I expected. Wanda's a lil' bite-sized treat, ain't she." The Koopa looked relaxed.
"Yeah, she's great…" Dedede felt an inexplicable wave of sadness.
"Seriously. You got cool friends. I dunno why ya were so insistent on bringin' me along." Bowser took another gulp of beer.
Self-deprecation? Am I going crazy? Is he that drunk off one beer? Okay, don't milk it, don't milk it, make a connection…
"You can be cool occasionally," Dedede suggested. "Not that often, though."
Bowser laughed. He took a swig of his beverage, finishing it. "Yo, barkeep, another?"
"Aren't you going a little fast there?" Dedede asked. "Not judging. I'm just still nursing my first glass…"
Bowser shook his head. "Nah. Look at me, I'm a heavyweight. Takes like three beers just to catch a buzz. Besides – wine is meant to be sipped, beer is meant to be glugged."
Dedede was already feeling a little tipsy from half a glass of wine. "Don't you mean chugged?"
"Nawww, gluggin' an' chuggin' are completely different things. I ain't lookin' to hurl Koopa chunks into a bush."
"Ah." He felt like he was learning arcane arts at the alcohol academy.
The Koopa suddenly turned to him. "You look off. What's wrong?" He appeared anxious. "...Am I annoyin' ya again?"
What's gotten into him today?
"No, uh, nothing's wrong." The penguin didn't want to admit to being a lightweight in the realm of booze.
Bowser turned away, not looking convinced. The server placed his second drink on a coaster, and the Koopa nodded to him.
Dedede zoned out, not knowing what to say.
He listened to the girls talking.
"So it was inspired by that winter?"
"Yes. Something about the muffled, snowy peacefulness made me want to produce a conflict. Something jarring."
"That's interesting."
"Your garden picture, it looks so familiar. The detail is incredible."
"I painted a courtyard of Castle Dedede from memory."
I knew I recognized it. I haven't been to that place in a long time…
"From memory? Addie, you never fail to surprise me. I'm still in awe of that outer space thing you did in his guest room."
Dedede heard Bowser chime in excitedly, the Koopa spinning in his chair to face them, leaning over the side of the bar to look past the penguin.
"You did that, Addy? That's crazy! How long did it take ya?"
"Oh, a couple of weeks. I'd go in for a few hours, eat with Mr. Dede, and then go back to work."
The penguin nodded. "She gets really intense when she's focused on her work. Like the rest of the world disappears."
"Yer a prodigy. Holy crap." The turtle king was in awe. Then he must have realized he was in the presence of a young'un, for he quickly added, "Er… holy puddin'."
"Bowser, you're too nice!" Adeleine beamed. "I do admit to being a little proud of that effort."
"Well, ya should be." Bowser leaned back in and toward Dedede, his face uncomfortably close. "Wow, she really did that? Ya commissioned 'er?"
The blue bird raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. I can tell you're impressed, because you aren't even pretendin' to be aloof about it."
"I'm just in a good mood, okay?" Bowser said, confused.
"I'm glad they lifted yer spirits so much." Dedede hoped the tone of his voice didn't carry the envy he felt.
Why am I even jealous? It's the same as everywhere else. I get overshadowed by much cooler people. They're artists. All I do is sit around and eat grapes. Or in today's case, drink them.
Bowser just looked at him, shrugged, and then turned around to face the bar again, glugging his beer.
After they all exited The Grape Garden, Adeleine and Wanda strode ahead of them, to attend to the outdoor gallery and answer questions. It was early afternoon now, and more people were milling about the town. The sky was still cloudy but some gaps opted to provide sunlight here and there.
The kings followed close behind, Bowser stomping along just in front of Dedede.
UGH. Why is he so much cooler than me… the stylish way he does things… his casual manner of talking… everybody loves him and he doesn't even have to try! I'm sure they'd forget about me in a week if I just disappeared.
After making a quick stop at the art show out of respect, even though they'd already been there, the pair made plans with Wanda and Adeleine to meet up again at the bar later. It was too busy to hold a conversation now, people were everywhere, and the artists wanted to discuss their art with enthusiasts, one of the whole points of hosting a gallery. The ruler duo saw themselves out after a brief chat and some compliments to the creatives.
As they left, they noticed Bandana Dee in the back of the crowd, nervously watching Kirby, who was staring pointedly at an oil painting of a bowl of fruit.
Dedede was alone with Bowser again, as they exited the alley and reentered the main street.
"Ssssooooo… what next?" asked the Koopa.
The penguin pondered. "I… don't know. Kind of assumed you'd wanna stay and hang out with them."
"Naw, I don't fit in with the arty types." He leaned his arm on the bird's shoulder, resting on him. His face loomed up close. "I get on better with other 'bad guys'."
Dedede smiled, despite his sadness. "Whatever you say."
I feel like I'm crazy, but I wish I could be him.
"Aw, what's wrong, Dede? Yer so pouty all of a sudden," Bowser remarked, looking sympathetic.
"I… ah… it's nothing."
"It's not. Ya wear your emotions on yer mug," the Koopa insisted.
"Oh, are you a psychic or something?" Dedede was being sarcastic, but he was legitimately starting to wonder.
"Yeah, I know what yer thinkin' at all times. Like right now. You're thinkin'..." He waved his hands around his head, wiggling his fingers. "...'Man, that Bowser dude sure is cool and handsome! Wish I was him for sure! Also he's real smart and funny too! What a catch!'"
Dedede knew this was the type of joke that Bowser would make, yet the accuracy (minus the handsome part, of course) still jarred him a bit.
It must've shown on his face, because the Koopa's features softened and he put a big palm on the penguin's shoulder, squeezing and rubbing it. "Aww, cheer up, buddy. You know I like teasin' ya." Then he pulled him along with him as they continued walking.
The bird king couldn't help but feel warm inside, after that.
Buddy…
They decided to head to the little midway which was set up just outside of town. Many more booths were residing here, lit up with flashing light bulbs, mostly selling ride tickets or fair fare such as popcorn and slushies, funnel cakes, and novelty ice cream flavors that nobody asked for, like ketchup and mustard.
There was a ferris wheel but it was out of service for maintenance issues. The carnival also had a merry-go-round, a haunted house, and other corny pursuits. Many of the stands hosted games such as ring toss or darts, both of which the pair played briefly, before having to scurry off when Bowser's overpowered throws destroyed something or caused bodily injury.
The crowd parted wherever the giant turtle walked, afraid to get pricked by his spikes.
After checking out a few things, Dedede took him over to do the hammer challenge.
It was hosted by a little mushroom man known as a Cappy. Dedede forgot his name, but he knew him. He had a baseball cap perched atop his mushroom cap.
They had to hit a pressure plate at the bottom of a tall fixture. The force of the swing would send a weight moving upward, and the goal was to make the weight hit the bell up at the top as hard as possible.
Dedede took out his signature hammer, and whacked the base of the machine.
The weight flew up and gracefully hit the bell, with a gentle ding.
"Weeee have a winner!" shouted the Cappy host.
"Your turn," Dedede said.
Bowser took the rental mallet from the game's supervisor, a Cappy (mushroom person) with a baseball cap (which seemed redundant).
The Koopa swung it behind his back, and slammed it down heavily.
The weight went soaring up at a remarkable speed, shattering the bell into pieces.
The sound carried across the vicinity. Various people in the crowd turned to see what had happened. Somebody even clapped, which was a bit much, even if it did stroke his ego.
He did a little bow to the crowd and started to walk away.
"I- I'll pay for that, I guess…" Dedede sighed.
"Just don't increase our taxes to cover it, haha!" came a voice from the crowd.
Everyone laughed. Dedede blushed sheepishly.
Bowser paused. "Crap, it's my fault, I'll pay! I was gonna say somethin' but I figured if I just slinked away he wouldn't mention it!"
"A-actually, sir," said the capped Cappy, a piece of shrapnel stuck on the side of his head, "I need to give you your prize."
"Prize?" Bowser repeated.
"Well, yeah, ya did win," Dedede said, mumbling, "and so did I, but whatever…"
The Cappy led them a few feet away to a booth full of plush toys.
Bowser surveyed the offerings. He didn't really want a plush toy, but he figured he could give it to Dedede as a joke, or something.
The penguin arrived next to him, and let out a little gasp, looking up at Bowser and back at the plush collection.
"What?" Bowser asked.
"T-there's just so many!"
There were a lot of toys hanging there. Many with generic knockoff-looking designs. Some unremarkable violet dragon with lopsided horns. A bandicoot in cargo shorts that looked slightly wall-eyed. And of course, the obligatory Pokemon. They were so popular, they were plush prizes in every fair across the galaxy. Bulbasaur, Charmander, and Squirtle. The only ones that existed, apparently. Besides Pikachu, of course. There were dozens of Pikachus of every shape and size hanging there, waiting to make a lot of very average people very happy. How he hated that stupid rat. So overrated. OverRATed.
"Hey you, Pikachu! How 'bout ya get the hell over yourself! Fuckin' sparky-ass rat!" Bowser shouted, accidentally thinking out loud.
"Um…" the Cappy said.
"Dude, what are you on right now?" Dedede said.
"S-sorry," Bowser said. "Hope I didn't… shock ya."
Everyone within earshot groaned.
"Just pick one already," the penguin said, eyeing the left side of the display anxiously for some reason.
Bowser followed his stare. He noticed that around the corner, the selection continued.
Ah, it must wrap around. Maybe there's somethin' better. Wonder if they have that guy Junior likes, what's his name again? Steven from Mind Craft? Oh, who cares. He has enough junk anyway.
"B-B-Bowser, there's nothing good around the other sides, I checked!" Dedede stammered.
The Koopa ignored him, turning the corner and being greeted by a sea of blue fabric.
Wha-
It was a wall of Dedede plushies.
"H-huh!?" Bowser gasped, pupils dilating.
The penguin ran up next to him, grabbing the turtle's upper arm and shaking it. "Arrrgghh! Don't say anything!
Bowser couldn't find words. He was frozen in place, palms sweating.
S-s-so… c-cute…
His peripheral vision disengaged, only focused on the sight in front of him, everything else fading into blurry bubbles of light.
"Wow, I uh, didn't actually expect you to honor my request," Dedede said.
The turtle snapped out of it for a moment. "What the heck, Dedede! You got a whole fuckin' booth of yer stuffed animals! And ya think I'm conceited!"
"I never asked for this! They just started doing it one year! It's really very embarrassing! Everyone in town has one… I can't even go anywhere without seeing these things! They haunt my nightmares sometimes!" Dedede yelled.
"Oh, relax," Bowser said. "I'd love to see myself stuffed."
Dedede just stared, smirking.
Bowser winced. "Er, I mean… Fuck. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN."
"I'm sure I'd get stab wounds from a toy like that."
"The spikes'd be plush too, dummy! I'm hella cuddleable and you know it!"
"I can't say I do," Dedede said.
Then, they both noticed he was still holding on to Bowser, and he let go quickly with an embarrassed grin.
The Koopa huffed. He glanced back at the wall of plush and his head emptied. "Anyway, anyhow, I dededefinitely 110% absolutely need one of these dededelightful teddededes RIGHT. THIS. SECOND!"
Dedede sighed. "I knew ya would say this, just to torture me."
Bowser looked to his side. "Y-yeah, to torture ya. Exactly. Rarrr!"
The Cappy found a moment to speak after the fever subsided, turning to the king that he knew. "So… I take it this is the one he wants?"
"Yes…" Dedede groaned.
"YESSSSSSS!" Bowser roared.
Bowser clutched his Dedede plush like it was going to run away if he ever let go. There were stars in his sparkling eyes.
Probably thinking of ways to belittle me with that, the real Dedede thought, looking at Bowser's exaggerated, starstruck expression. Oh, cut it out! Pretending you're in a trance or something… grow UP!
The sun was peeking out now, and starting to slowly warm everything up.
The penguin spoke to the Cappy and arranged to have the stuffed version of himself sent up to the castle and put in Bowser's room, so the Koopa didn't have to carry it around all day, and so Dedede didn't have to look at it anymore. He thought he was doing his companion a favor, lightening the turtledragon's load, but the way he had to pry the plush out of Bowser's iron grip said otherwise.
Dedede's guidance was the only thing that made the Koopa relinquish his prize: "Listen, you don't wanna spill food on it or something, do ya?"
"N-no… then he wouldn't be perfect anymore…"
Bowser handed over the toy, his fingers grasping for it as he let go.
Dedede gave it back to the Cappy for safekeeping.
I can't believe he's putting on this whole stupid act just to annoy me. We both know it's just a stuffie. Dedede sighed. Okay, maybe it is kinda funny.
They walked around a bit more, making chit-chat peppered with insults and banter, taking in the sights.
"Man, even with your own special mallet, you're still no good at that game, compared to me," Bowser teased, chomping on a corn dog doused in relish.
Dedede pouted, licking his vanilla ice cream cone.
He's clearly better at everything I thought I was good at. Probably even reads faster. What a joke. He's gonna figure out how unremarkable I am, and never come back here. Then again, maybe he will come back… to see everyone else.
Bowser must have noticed Dedede's expression, because he mumbled, "You were still pretty decent, though…"
"Hey, King Dedede!" A younger Cappy hopped over to him, interrupting the would-be pity party.
Bowser finished off his dog and flicked the skewer into the crowd. Someone shouted, but he ignored it. "Mr. Popular, are we?"
"I mean, I'm sure when you go to Turtle Town or whatever, everyone knows your name," Dedede pointed out. "Hey, Zuzu."
The little Cappy smiled. "I just wanted to tell you that my mom's baking brownies, and she's going to drop them off at your castle later, to thank you for helping us build that gazebo in the park."
"Ah, well, tell your mother that I'll eat 'em in secret, because they're too good to share!"
"Bye, Dedede! Have fun! Check out my dad's booth!"
Dedede waved. His sulky mood started to drift away. Though when he turned and saw Bowser watching him with an amused expression, arms crossed, he prepared for another round.
"What? Is there something on my face?" the penguin said.
The reptile ruler rumbled and replied, "Evil king my ass. You're one of the good guys," he chuckled. "Also, ya do gotta bitta soft serve on yer beak."
Dedede panicked. "No, um, what he didn't mention was that I built the gazebo with hidden spikes in the floor." He wiped his face with a napkin, accidentally elbowing someone nearby.
Fairgoers awkwardly squeezed past the Koopa's dangerous shell, as he stood in a way that blocked a main promenade. "I really don't care. Just as long as you know who's the toughest around here. I'm not gonna take advantage of your goodness, or plot yer downfall. Probably." Bowser flashed him his pearly whites.
Dedede gulped. It was probably a joke, but his heart still fluttered. "I've done a lot of bad things."
"Did ya happen to be possessed by an otherworldly darkness when you did these 'bad things?'" Bowser leaned against a brochure rack next to him, advertising rafting trips at Ripple Field.
"What are you talking about?" Dedede took a step backward, crunching on his waffle cone.
"I was chattin' with Addy while ya were spaced out at the bar."
Dedede was not ready to give up the ghost. "Well… really, I'm a total badass, I swear!" He stuffed the rest of the cone into his mouth, chewing angrily.
"I can't believe you're still on this. Okay, fine, I'll take your word for it. Dunno how you could pass for 'bad' when you're so freakin' cute…"
They both paused.
"Uhhhhh," Bowser said quickly, "Cute like a plush toy. That's what I meant to say. I mean, they did make one of ya, after all." His eyelids closed halfway. "And now I got him… little bird's allll mine now… heh heh heh…"
Dedede blushed, angry and confused. "I'm not cute. I'm not soft. I'm a big, frightening threat… and you'd better watch your back, Bowz."
The Koopa's muzzle turned pink, tail wagging. "Haha, whatever you say!"
The pair ambled for a while longer. They'd done just about everything in the vicinity, and it was late afternoon. The sun had come out fully now, the clouds making their retreat to the east and west.
They broke away from the hustle of the carnival, loitering on the outskirts of town. They were in the shade of a tall oak tree at the western side of the hill that led up to the castle. It was mostly just grass around here.
Kinda glad the ladies are handlin' their business right now. I think Dedede felt left out when I was talkin' to 'em, the poor guy. Which is super adorable, if he actually cared that I wasn't focused on him. I get the sense that he doesn't get the attention he deserves from many peeps around here.
Bowser closed his eyes tightly, then reopened them. What the hell am I daydreamin' about? This is silly. This is legit actually the stupidest nonsense an evil king like me could be thinkin' about!
Dedede sighed. "I don't really enjoy crowds. We've pretty much seen it all at this point. Wanna move somewhere quieter?"
Bowser considered. "Yeah, I'm tired of walkin', and the sun is beating down on me when I'm already filled with fire. Makes me wanna be lazy."
"'Filled with fire?'" Dedede asked.
"Are you a penguin or a parrot?" Bowser lightly punched his chest as the bird shot him a dirty look.
Ooh, his chest full of feathers... actually IS pretty… soft…
The Koopa snapped out of it. "Watch this."
Bowser pivoted his head upward and spit flames into the air above, breathing a cloud of fire from deep within his belly.
A few passers-by gawked as they saw it.
Dedede gasped, his eyes sparkling. "Holy cow! That's sooooo badass!"
Bowser grinned smugly. "Just like everythin' about me."
Dedede looked like he was hurt by that comment, which made no sense.
What's goin' on, little penguin? What's in that lil' mind of yours…
"So where did you wanna go then? Back to the castle?" Bowser scratched his arm.
"Technically, perhaps. But I have a better idea. It's become too nice out to stay cooped up indoors."
Bowser had to agree. The clouds had all but left the sky, letting the sun shine its light on the town.
"What's yer idea, bud?"
"Follow me."
Dedede beckoned, walking ahead and up the hill.
Thinks he's the boss of me, huh?
Bowser hurried after him.
They got to the top of a steep climb and went around the back corner of the castle. The land was rugged all around it, but still green.
It gave them a great view of the lush landscape surrounding the region, topped with a picturesque blue sky.
Bowser struggled to catch his breath. "If I knew you were gonna make me climb a hill again, I woulda refused."
"I don't believe you. Once you see this little grotto you'll change your tune."
Sure enough, as they turned the corner Bowser saw an extra set of stone walls extending from the castle. There was a single, nondescript wooden door, with a circular iron handle.
Dedede took a large, jingling keyring out of his pocket, fishing for the key he needed. He unlocked the door and went inside.
Bowser squeezed through the door frame with some difficulty. When he got out of the other side, he saw what the penguin had been talking about.
Within these hidden walls lay a secret courtyard, teeming with life.
A large variety of coniferous trees provided shade, while still letting the sun dapple down artfully into the enclosed space, and plenty of perennials dotted the garden, a colorful medley which made everything brighter and released a delectable scent. There was a rippling pool of water teeming with koi fish, filled by a tiny waterfall that emerged from a hole in the wall of the main part of the castle. Another corner housed a small stone fountain and a couple of benches as well.
Butterflies slowly drifted around, landing on flowers. The air smelled sweet and honeyed with the pine adding a gentle spice. The sounds of trickling water and birds gently chirping in the trees lulled the Koopa into a blissful state.
I guess I could try idyllic and see how it goes…
"The outer courtyard," Dedede explained. "My little hideaway."
He walked in farther. Bowser followed obediently.
They sat down on a soft patch of ground, surrounded by pink orchids.
Bowser felt the grass under his palm. It tickled.
He tried to take everything in. There was so much to see. It was so unlike anywhere he'd ever been invited. He almost felt like he was in Peach's Castle, but a more masculine variant.
Peach… eh, I think 'bout her enough. Not feelin' it right now, for some reason.
He realized Dedede hadn't said anything in awhile. He looked over to see the penguin was watching him studiously, sitting there next to him.
He had the urge to make some kind of joke, but it faded.
Bowser couldn't think of what to say, his mind in a bit of a daze. He felt like the nature around him had healing powers.
Eventually, he spoke. "You like your little… relaxin' spaces, don'tcha."
"Well, doesn't everyone?" Dedede got himself into a comfortable position, watching the koi swim around.
"Yeah…"
Would he even enjoy going to MY castle? It's all dark and fiery, and all the stuff I set up that I think is cool… well, he'd probably think of it as over the top. Or too foreboding. He isn't a crazy bad guy like me, that's for sure. His castle is so understated and kind and quiet, like him… Okay, seriously, Bowser, snap OUT of it!
"What's on your mind?" Dedede asked, noticing his silence.
Bowser put on his signature grin. "Wouldn't you like to know." He gave Dedede a gentle nudge in the chest with his palm.
How is his body so soft?
The penguin repositioned himself, a little closer, after getting pushed. He looked like he was having anxiety.
Jeez, I so much as touch him and he looks like a nervous wreck… probably thinks I'm gonna eat him or something.
Screw him. Thinkin' I'm some monster… I'm gettin' too attached. No, I ain't, I never get attached to begin with. I wish he'd just leave me alone!
"Raaar!"
"What was that?" Dedede asked, startled.
"What?"
"You just growled a little bit there." The bird looked perplexed.
"That was out loud?"
"...Yeah."
"Oh," Bowser said, embarrassed. Then, he realized how he could turn it around. "Aww, poor baby… Did I scare ya?"
Dedede gave him a defiant, but gentle look. "Of course not. You don't scare me."
Bowser gave him a little soft slap, a love tap, across the cheek. "Might wanna rethink that, now that we both know our respective alignments."
The penguin grumbled. "You're really touchy feely, you know that?" Dedede didn't appear upset about this fact. Maybe he just felt he had to put up a stink to maintain his dignity.
"Whatever. I betcha like when I smack you around."
"Whatever yourself," Dedede said, flushed.
It was so easy to bug him, one would think it'd get boring. But it never did.
Yet, in this secret garden, he almost felt dirty even saying such rough things.
"Ah, I think it's due time for that nap ya suggested this mornin'," Bowser said.
Dedede smiled softly. "Agreed."
They laid down side by side, arms touching, leaning into each other. Neither commented on this, but just let it happen.
Dedede pointed at the sky. "That cloud kinda looks like Kirby."
Bowser had his hands folded on his chest. He gestured at another cloud. "That one looks like a Waddle Dee's ass."
They both laughed, feeling their bodies vibrate against one another. Then they sighed contentedly.
Bowser smiled. "Don't ever repeat this, but… yer place is pretty chill."
"Really? I thought you'd find it dull," Dedede replied, shifting a bit and just happening to bring himself closer to the big reptile… Was that on purpose?
"Nah, it ain't dull – it's calm. Different than what I'm used to. Still got some crazy sugary people, but the ones I've met have been entertaining."
"Like Adeleine? And Wanda?" The penguin's voice was hesitant.
"I meant you, ya numbskull." Bowser felt his cheeks warm up.
"O-oh!"
Bowser was happy Dedede didn't snark back at him, instead remaining silent. He already felt awkward even saying that one pleasant thing, like he was revealing a weakness.
Without warning, a little white butterfly floated down and gently landed on Bowser's snout, causing him to sneeze. They both giggled at this.
Something about this moment felt so sweet to Bowser. Normally "sweet" made him want to gag, but this was different. He wanted to remember this.
He could feel the bird breathing next to him, saw his round stomach rise and fall slowly. So relaxing. He had an urge to just grab him and give him a noogie. Why did he find this guy so… adorable, like a stuffed animal he would've cuddled in bed as a hatchling?
He thought about the plushie he'd won.
The real thing is softer.
He couldn't explain it. All he knew was that he wanted to continue spending time with Dedede, even if that seemed the craziest, most ill-advised notion of his life. Surely a pure sweetheart like the penguin king would find it hard to accept the darkness within him. Eventually he'd be too much, and he'd be rejected, as always.
But Dedede seemed different. He didn't seem to care so much that Bowser was an evil overlord… in fact, Dedede seemed to find it cool in a way. That was weird. But maybe Bowser would run with it, and see how long the penguin's interest lasted.
Maybe I can make him worse. Bring him to my level.
Still, Bowser found the peaceful, easy feeling of interacting with him so natural, compared to plotting chaos and destruction with someone more like himself.
"Hey, Dedede?" Bowser said.
He heard nothing… and then he heard a snore.
"Alright. Better follow his lead, I didn't get much shut-eye last night…"
He was aware of Dedede's body next to his, and it just felt so… nice. He'd never realized physical contact could be so enjoyable, even essential… he had only ever really experienced being touched when he was fighting someone.
Figuring no one would notice, and he could pass it off as having happened in his sleep, Bowser turned onto his side and wrapped an arm around the penguin.
He nestled his head into Dedede's chest, the silky feathers tickling his snout.
Bowser noticed the other king smelled amazing, clean and sweet and fruity, almost like a blueberry candy. The scent lulled him into a deeply relaxed state, and before long his eyes slid shut, a serene smile on his face.
