OLD

"Mon ami, what is that brilliant glow?"

"Don't go towards that," Aizawa snapped.

"But it's so sparkly-"

"Start dying on me and I'm getting the defibrillator."

Aoyama's dentures clicked shut. Over in the 1-A classroom, the aged students sat in wheelchairs and padded seats. A tumbler spat out bingo numbers, and a stack of winning cards sat at Todoroki's side.

Sero slapped him with a piece of tape as I-18 gave Todoroki yet another bingo. "No fair! Let one of us win for once!"

"You need to play the game better."

"That's not how bingo works!"

Jirou grimaced as pop music played loudly over the radio. "Turn that garbage down! Back in my day, people in the music industry had real talent! Not like those jumped-up yuppies sawin' on guitar strings and harping on about money problems."

Koda sat on a park bench, doling out breadcrumbs to a crowd of pigeons. With his eyes clouded over, Koda couldn't see the pigeons kneeling before him in ceremonial robes, sacrificing rats and offering their hearts to him like a pagan god.

Tokoyami and Dark Shadow sat with knitting yarns. Dark Shadow snickered as a pink thread wound its way through Tokoyami's pitch-black scarf, not realizing his own dazzling sweater had a dark streak.

Mineta chomped down on white pills with one hand and checked his diaper with another. "Come on, how many of these do I gotta take?"

Ojiro put on comically oversized bifocals and checked the label. "Mineta, these are laxatives."

Mineta's stomach gurgled. Panic crossed his face, and he started wheeling towards the bathroom as quickly as his stubby arms would take him.

Kaminari wheezed with laughter. His laughter cut off when he felt a sharp pain in his chest. He clawed at his shirt, gasping for air, and he fell out of his wheelchair. Just as his struggles started to fade, an electric current jolted through him. With a sigh of relief, Kaminari pulled himself back.

Bakugo lashed out with his cane and shouted, "I'll never surrender, you hear me! The robots won't ever take over while I draw breath!"

"That's a potato, man."

Bakugo peered closely at it. "That's what it wants you to think!"

Iida's engines made little chugging noises like a Model T as he sluggishly shuffled forward with his walker. Sato tried biting down on a slice of cake, only for Aizawa to yank it away, taking his dentures with it.

"Oh come on," Sato gummed out, "I juff wan a bi'."

"You're diabetic."

"Am no'! Iffth my Quir!"

Aizawa groaned and turned towards Izuku. "How did you not get affected by this?"

"I was," Izuku said. "I just set my calendar back seventy years, and now my system settings reflect the global calendar."

"I don't think changing a calendar will be enough to-" Aizawa looked at the class calendar. He erased the extra seventy years penciled in, and everyone magically returned to their teens.

From the bathroom, Mineta shouted, "Oh god, it's getting faster!"

500

A glimpse at how old I currently feel