The last few weeks of June had been tough on us.

Taiga came home from a shift at the Nexus hospital one night, and had breakdown. A little four-year-old girl had come into his ER and sadly didn't make it. The poison had gotten to her before Taiga had a chance to do anything, but the mutant medic still blamed himself. Kate took care of the younger kids that night, while Christin tended to his eldest's grief.

Black Sheep's nightmares kept coming back. Though it was easier for him to find comfort in me now that he was living in the farm house. It seemed almost every night the little boy would sneak out of the nursey and come crawl into my bed. I never turned him away, and honestly half the time he wasn't even waking me up. My own nightmares were more frequent and that scared me as it meant my shell shock was getting worse. It was getting harder to hide it, but I had too. I couldn't let them know, who knows what will happen to me, what would happen to Black Sheep, if the others found out.

Jenette got shot. Yeah, that was certainly a shock. In a lesson about weapon safety, one of the kids ended up mis-firing. Thankfully, they were far away from the main camp so none of the others were hurt, but Jenette took a bullet to the thigh. She was on bed rest for a week, and afterwards she still walked with a limp.

On a happier note, Arrow came home on July first. It was a good day, filled with smiles and happy tears. The odd void her absence left in the house finally felt filled once again. But Arrow was different. She was quieter. Her smiles felt more forced, and the spark in her eyes was gone. I asked eventually asked Kate and Christin about it, but the only answer I got was this was what happened when someone had taken for the first time. I didn't need them to elaborate; The memory of my first kill, and how conflicted I felt afterward, coming to mind.

The morning of the fourth, I woke up finding Black Sheep curled up next me, sleeping soundly. I smiled at him, but then I saw the date on my alarm, and my heart sank. It was Cap's birthday. I had been so busy with everything, that it slipped my mind. I felt bad for almost forgetting. It had easily become a running joke in the howling commandos, that America's golden boy was born on one of the greatest days in the country's history. Toro and Dum Dum found it hysterical.

There wasn't much we could do while we were serving to celebrate. So, we all gathered up our chocolate rations, lit a smoke pretending it was a candle, and sang in the best voices that we could after an exhausting day of blowing up Nazi bases. Which usually ended in us laughing at how bad we were at it.

"Bucky?" squeaked a small voice next to me.

I looked back to Black Sheep, "Hey kiddo."

"Why you look sad?" His black doe eyes look up at me.

"Just remembering someone Buddy. Don't worry about it."

"Okay," He rolled over and fell back asleep.

I smiled. Maybe I could tell him about Cap one day. One day when he would be a little older. One day when he could understand.


"Bucky are you coming!?"

"Yeah, yeah hold on!" I shouted back, I looked over to Black Sheep who had a large floaty ring in his arms, "You ready?"

He nodded, and reached for my hand as we headed down the stairs.

"Have fun kids! Wear sun block!" the adults shouted after us as we left the house.

Christin had given all of us the fourth off of work. Thanks to the warper guild all of the campers made it home safely last night to spend the holiday with their families. So up until the firework show tonight, we had total freedom. With Arrow back, all of kids in the farmhouse (Christin's kids, Junia, Snowy, Black Sheep and me), decided to do a beach day.

The lagoon was much quieter without over twenty young kids there. Sure, there were still screams of laughter but with it only coming from three little ones made it much easier on the ears. Junia, Snowy and Taiga were all chasing the little kids in the shallows. Jenette was seemingly was just straight up running into the ocean, for some reason. While Arrow and Timothy were just sitting on the shore line.

I got to my feet, and walked over to the elemental and purple kid. Timothy gave a small wave when I came over, which I returned with one of my own. I looked over to Arrow. She laid in the water, the ocean waves lapping calmly around her. An odd expression of focus was on her face. I touched her shoulder, and she startled.

"Huh?" the mutant girl said as she opened her eyes.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked.

She sighed and sat up, "Well, I was trying to mediate."

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't worry. It wasn't really working anyway."

Timothy slapped the rock he was sitting on twice, drawing our attention.

"Yes, Timothy?" Arrow said.

Timothy suddenly started moving his hands. Forming signs in front of his face. It suddenly dawned on me why Timothy never said anything. He couldn't. He was mute, and judging by the odd scar that lined his throat, it wasn't by choice. I knew that Timothy was a rescue, but I didn't know what happened to him.

"I know I need to be patient," Arrow said, clearly understanding the gestures that Timothy was making, "Just after three years doesn't seem to be working."

Timothy signed again.

"I know little brother."

"So, meditation?" I said, "That's something mutants do?"

Timothy suddenly started signing enthusiastically.

Arrow chuckled and translated, "Sometimes, when mutants have problems with abilities it's not always a physical block. Powers are just as mental as they are physical. Meditation is a way of connect with them without physically using them. It's how a lot of mutants who have some of the more dangerous abilities learn to control them."

"Sounds a lot more complicated then just pointing and zapping," I said.

Arrow laughed, and pulled up her legs, hugging her knees "No, not in the slightest."

Something shiny caught my eye, and looked the Arrows back. She had always worn something that was either a high caller, or at least cover most of her back, and if that didn't work her hair would have covered it. However, in the open back one piece she was wearing, as well as her now clipped head, the faded ghost of a wound was on display for all to see.

A large scar was printed into the back of her neck.

The color of the scar, a toothy white, told me it was old; it stood out against her summer tanned skin. Part of it was a perfect sideways diamond shape as if something had been imbedded in her skin, and the other part were like large vines that crept beyond the solid shape, strangling the surrounding skin. Why did the vines look like burns?

"What happened to your neck?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Arrow reached up, and gently touched the scar; as if it was burning her, "It was from an incident a little while ago."

Arrow didn't say anything to me, until we went back to the farmhouse.


The day passed quickly; the little ones played until sunset. And I learned of the wonderful thing that was sun block. I had been skeptical about the odd cream that Arrow was so insistent on us using; especially considering that, she wasn't using it herself. But I was glad I listened, as Junia didn't and his skin didn't have the same no burning ability that Arrow's did when she tanned hers. I almost felt sorry for the guy, he had sunburns going across his shoulders and face.

By sunset, we were all exhausted, so we sat around a small camp fire just behind the house. Christin had started grilling something that smelled delicious, on the back porch. While Kate went to get ingredients for s'mores. Even Christin's mom, Cathenia, made an appearance. She had visited the farm house once or twice since I arrived but I never really interacted with her. She seemed sweet to her grandkids, but never really paid attention me, not that I minded much.

"I told you to wear sun block," Arrow said to Junia.

"Yes, yes rub my foolishness in. You've made your point darling," Junia said.

"Well, then can I start now?" Taiga said, while applying more of something called aloe to Junia's burns, "You do realize this burn couldn't be just a one-off thing? Over exposure to the sun could lead to heat stroke, cramps, and elevate your chances of skin cancer."

I nearly choked on my water at the cancer part.

"Oh, Taiga calm yourself, you act as if I'm going to drop dead," Junia said.

"Maybe one day you might," Taiga said.

"Junia, don't tick off my brother," Arrow said, "He's the healer here. Chances are you'll need his help more then anyone else's one day."

"All I am saying," Taiga said, "Is that unlike Arrow, whose skin tans after one use of sun block and can't burn until the tan vanishes, your skin burns. You don't have such genetics. So, you need to be more careful."

Junia sighed, "Yes, truly, let her superior skin be passed on to our children."

Arrow's face flushed a deep scarlet.

"Excuse me," Taiga said.

"Whoa, going out on one date and you're already on kids?!" Jenette said.

I definitely choked on my water this time.

The little ones started giggling manically.

"I don't get why ya'll are so work up about this," Snowy said, "That's what happened to me."

"Snowy, you and Caid have been betrothed to each other since you were babies. Your engagement was only finalized because you came of age. Me and Junia, were just starting out and no offence babe," Arrow shook her head, "Not ready for that."

"Take your time, love," Junia said.

"Okay! Who's ready for s'mores!" Kate said walked back up to us with a large bag of marshmallows.

Everyone cheered.

"Yes!"

"Finally!"

"Give me that roasting stick!"

Kate laughed, and passed out weird stick things, that were made of inter locking tube of metal that could be pulled on to make them longer. I took one, and so did Black Sheep. Though giving one of these things to an awkward three-year-old's hands turned out to be a bad idea, as our bench mate was Shawnen, and in a moment of complete child-like maturity, they started to sword fight.

"Bucky have you ever had s'mores before?" Jenette asked, "Did s'mores exist?"

"S'mores were invented in 1927, or that's when the recipe was released to the public it at least. I'm pretty sure the inventers wanted to keep their great discovery to themselves for a while," Arrow said.

"How could you possibly know that?" Junia said.

"Babe when you make something is as delicious as a s'more is, you keep that to yourself, at least until you figure out how to profit off of it," Arrow said.

"True that," Kate said.

"So, anyway back to answering my question," Jenette said, "Bucky have you ever had a s'more?"

"Not before today," I answered.

"Oh, boy, you're in for a treat then," Kate said opening packets, "Um, Row why don't you give the s'more rookies a hand. You're the master after all."

Arrow smirked and got up from her seat.

"Make sure you teach them how to do it right," Junia said.

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Arrow said.

"Not charred, and gloopy," Junia deadpanned.

"I don't charr my marshmallows, and gloopy? That's was a toasted marshmallow is," Arrow said.

"No, no, darling you always over do them. If their melty then they squeeze out of s'more, and you don't get a good ratio of flavors. Not to mention it's a makes a mess," Junia said.

"It's not a mess," Arrow said.

"Yes, it is!" Junia insisted.

Arrow huffed a laugh, before rolling her eyes. She sat next to me on our bench, and then pulled Black Sheep out of my lap and into hers. She showed us how to use the little red grips on the sticks, to slowly turn the marshmallow, and thankfully how to put it out said marshmallow if it caught fire. Then finally how to assemble the apparently very tasty snack.

"You ready?" Arrow said.

"I think so," I said trying not to let the melty white sludge from getting on my shorts. I took a bite and immediately winced.

"Well?" Arrow said through her own mouthful of s'more.

"It's sweet," I rasped.

"Yeah, it's mostly sugar," Arrow said, before turning to the small child in her lap, "What do you think?"

"I wike it," Black Sheep said, his face a mess of marshmallow.

"Good, cause that's the only one you're getting tonight," I said. If those things were that sweet, they were in no way healthy.

Arrow started laughing, and Zappy (who was in a harness and sitting on Arrow's shoulder) joined in with a chirp. I gave the bird a death glare. Me and Taiga had been taking care of the mini dinosaur while Arrow was gone and that bird was vicious. Every time we let him out of the cage, he would fly out screaming a war cry, his feathers puffed up to the fullest and his beak ready to snap a finger off (Much to Black Sheep's and Shawnen's amusement). However, the moment that he saw Arrow he was acting like the sweetest most innocent little creature on the whole damned planet.

"Okay, if you guys are done with those s'mores!" Christin called out, "The burgers are ready!"

Dinner went by quickly as everyone wanted to get to the fireworks. Taiga hadn't been kidding when went he said Christin went all out for the fourth. There was a whole pull out table full of explosives. We all settled ourselves close to the house, while the fireworks were set up in the training field, a perfectly safe distance from us.

Christin gave the signal, and Arrow sent a small fire ball toward the fuse. How she knew where it was, I'll never know. It was silent for a moment, before there was a loud bang, and then a crash as the sky was set ablaze with bright, colorful, explosions. Explosions that sounded like bombs. Bombs that dropped out the sky. Bombs that killed people. Bombs that were on the rocket. The rocket where…

My stomach started to churn and knot inside me. My chest suddenly felt tight, and I couldn't focus on anything. I tried to hide it, but with each firework it became harder. I only knew one thing; I needed to get out of here. Excusing myself, I hurried into the farm house.

I barely managed to make into the kitchen before I collapsed. My chest felt tight. My limbs were shaking violently. My stomach became a heavy block of ice that was spinning out of control. My jaw dropped open wide, gasping desperately for any air. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe…

"Bucky?"

I looked up seeing Arrow standing over me, "Row I…" I tried to choke out, but it came out breathless

Arrow Quickly got down to my level, putting her hands on my shoulders to steady me, "No, no, don't talk. Just breathe."

I tried, but it was hard.

"I know it feels like your dying, but you're not," Arrow said, "Just keep breathing, in through the nose and out through the mouth. You're going to okay."

I followed her instructions. Anything to distract myself from what ever the hell was happening to me.

"Bucky, tell me five things you can see."

I kept breathing heavily, but I listened, "Floor, Wall, Kitchen, shoes, you."

"Good. Now four things you can hear."

I gasped, "Your voice, my breath, the fireworks," I felt my stomach twist violently, and I gagged.

"Okay, come on, on your feet," Arrow said, pulling me towards the first-floor bathroom.

We made it to the bathroom, in time for my stomach to flip. I retched, gagged and heaved in to the toilet, until my tank was empty. Even then I was still dry heaving. My mouth tasted like acid, and my throat burned. Arrow helped me stay upright, and kept rubbed my back trying to comfort me. When it finally seemed to be over, I rested my forehead on the side of the toilet bowl my eyes shut tight. The cold porcelain bringing some relief to my flushed clammy skin.

"You done?" Arrow said, gently.

I nodded.

"Okay just stay there."

I could hear her walk out of the bathroom only to return a few moments later. She gently guided my body to lay down on the bath room floor, what felt like a rolled-up towel underneath my head and my legs resting up on the rim of the bath tub. The sink ran for a minute before I felt some cool and wet touch my forehead. The toilet was flushed, and then something warm grabbed my shaking flesh hand, rubbing soothing circles into the back of it.

Eventually I opened my eyes, Arrow was right there watching over like a guardian angel, "Am I sick?" I rasped.

Arrow gently shook her head, "No Bucky. You're not sick. You just had a panic attack."

I flinched, another symptom and it happened in right in front of Arrow.

"Bucky it's okay. I know it's scary and you feel like you have no control, but the effects are temporary. Try to remember that when this happens again."

"It's going to happen again?!"

"Probably, Bucky."

I shut my eyes again. Trying to hold back the tears, I had it bad.

"It's going to be okay Bucky."

I just shook my head.

"What happened back there?"

"I don't know," My voice cracked, "I just kind of...lost it."

"It was the fireworks, wasn't it? They triggered you."

"I don't know why, but they just started to remind me of bombs, and bombs make me thing of the rocket and…"

"Shuu, it's okay. You don't need to go any further."

"I don't know what happened."

"That's okay, Bucky."

"No, no it's not," I panted, "You can't tell anybody, okay?" I grabbed her arm with my servo, "I'll do better. I'll keep it together; the kids are still safe. I won't hurt them…"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down and breathe. Okay, just wait a second. Breathe. You'll work yourself into another attack."

I listened to her, and just tried to calm my breathing that was rapidly picking up its pace.

"Okay," Arrow said, "I might not be the best person to talk about this, but you got me. So, I don't really know how this was dealt with in your time…"

"What was dealt with?" I swallowed thickly.

"Soldiers who didn't do too well coming back from the war."

My heart dropped and I think my stomach when with it, "I'm not…I'm not…I'm fine. You don't have to worry. It was just a slip up."

"Bucky, you are having symptoms of PTSD. You're not fine."

"PTSD?"

"Post-traumatic stress disorder. It's something that people get when they've gone through a trauma and are having trouble getting over it. You might know it as shell shock."

I flinched, "Please don't tell the others. They can't know. They can't know I'm broken."

"Bucky, you're not broken. I never said you were broken. This is perfectly normal, for someone who lived in a war zone, got blown up and then froze for 70 years. It's just your brain making sense of it all."

"How is this normal?"

"You think you're the only one here who has this kind of problem?"

"What?"

"Dad has had problems, so had Jenette and timothy from their time in the system and I was diagnosed with it three years ago. You're not alone Bucky."

I took a shaky deep breath, "You have a problem with fireworks?"

"No, fireworks aren't a problem for me. Its…well it sounds kind of stupid out loud…But I can't sleep in the dark."

"What?"

"I use a nightlight. I need to be able to see the world around me when I try to sleep. I freak out if I can't."

"Does Christin know?"

"Of course, he is my dad. He kind of had to know, so he could get me the help I needed."

"He didn't reject you or send you away to an asylum?"

"Of course not. This isn't something to be ashamed of Bucky. It's natural, normal…in fact if you weren't like this, you'd probably have something worse wrong with you. There are people you can talk to. People who can help."

I looked away from her, "There are people who could get rid of this?"

"Well, it different for everyone. Some people can cope with the trauma with in a few months for others it takes years. Some can do it without help, others can't. Yours might go away, but this could also be something that you'll just have to learn to accept and live with. I'm not an expert, but I think you should try to find some help."

"What options…?"

"There are many doctors, therapies…"

Her words slowly faded away, and my breathing began to grow faster. Horror stories of the soldiers who lost their minds, and the places where they were sent too came to the forefront of my mind. Electroshock therapy, lobotomies, and institutions that might as well be considered prison camps.

"Bucky? You still with me?" Arrow said her voice snapping me back to the present.

I reach out and my hands latched onto her forearm, "Don't…"

"Don't what? Bucky?"

"Don't go, if the doc thinks you're crazy, they'll send you away," I started to gasp for air again.

I couldn't believe that Christin would send Arrow to one of those doctors. Where they could cut in to her brain if they thought surgery was necessary. The weird, beautiful, smart mind she had would be lost to the supposed treatments.

"Okay, so we're going to take a breath for a second, because I don't think were talking about the same thing," Arrow said in a calm tone that made me want to scream in frustration at her.

How could she be so calm?! Was she in so deep that the docs had gotten to her mind, already? How could she not see how much danger she was in?! Never the less I listen to her and calmed my breathing down.

"Okay, I don't think were on the same page. What are you so worried about?" She asked.

I griped her arm tighter, "If they think you're crazy, they'll send you away to an asylum. The therapies there, they're supposed to help you but they won't…" I choked out.

Arrow cursed quietly, "We haven't explained this too you, have we? Bucky, we don't send people away anymore. I mean, at least here we don't. We don't lock people up because of mental illness unless it's a very serious case, and the persons a danger to themselves and others. Not since the invention of antipsychotic drugs, and better understanding of how the human mind works. Mentally ill people can thrive if given the needed help."

I sighed and looked to the floor, "There are drugs?"

"Yeah, but there are pros and cons to them and you'd need to probably be evaluated by a doctor first."

"Can't Taiga?"

"No, he's not the right kind of Doctor."

I closed my eyes, and turned away from her. My face scrunching up to hold back the tears. Why did this need to happen? I was grateful that the chances of me being sent to a nut house, and separated from everybody were smaller than I thought, but that didn't stop the fear. I didn't know what type of treatments the mutants offered. I was scared. I was out of my element. I just wanted to go home. I wanted Cap. I wanted my older brother.

"Come here," Arrow said, pulling me into a hug.

That was it, a choked sob escaped my lips. The mask of a cheeky smile I always wore, fell away. All the sleepless nights, thanks to nightmares. All the grief I've been keeping in. All the hiding of my shell shock. All the fear I felt. It all just came bubbling out, in a flood of strangled sobs. Arrow wrapped me in a comforting warmth, and just let me cling to her. Bless her soul, she was so understanding.

At one point someone might have found us in the bathroom, but Arrow told them to leave. I eventually fell asleep in her arms.

The last thing I remember hearing that night being…

"Come to me when you're ready, and we'll go to Dad. He'll find someone who can help you. It's going to be okay, Bucky."


A/N:

Here's another chapter!