There was something wrong.
The atmosphere of the farmhouse had shifted once October rolled around. Things became more somber, quiet. Like something bad had happened or was going to happen. Not that I really minded at the moment, as the anniversary of Steve's death was coming up. Only six months after the accident and the day came right back around at me. So, I had no problem with the gloomy atmosphere.
And I clearly wasn't the only one effected. Christin would look at the pictures of his late wife, with a sad longing look in his eyes, as would Kate. Arrow became more withdrawn, often staying in her room and unable to look at any of her family in the eye. Jenette and Nico were spending more time on the training field even with the cooling temperatures outside. Taiga and Timothy didn't smile as often. Cathenia and Junia started to visit more frequently.
The only people who didn't seem effected, were the littlest of the household. Sable and Black Sheep kept to themselves, and while Shawnen's large amount of energy seem to calm down a little, he seemed alright.
I didn't really understand why everyone else was feeling upset, as they weren't blown up on a rocket and lost the closest thing they had to older brother, but I didn't really have much energy to think about it. Between the start of the harvest, Black Sheep's studies, and the ever-growing worse nightmares, I was exhausted. It wasn't like the exhaustion I felt when I was in Europe training, there was no soreness in this kind of tired, but it was still miserable. Eventually I was just going through the motions of the day, like a factory machine.
Until one day, Kate pulled me into the living room after a day in the fields. In there everyone was gathered, a number of candles and art supplies on the table and scattered around on the floor.
"What going on?" I asked, as Black Sheep ran up and grabbed my leg.
"We're making Mourning Dusk candles," Black Sheep said, not only confusing me but impressing me with how clear he said it.
Kate chuckled at my confusion, "It's a holiday. Too celebrate our dead. We craft candle lanterns to burn in their honor."
"I wanna make one for Steve," Black Sheep said.
I wanted to cry at that. For the last two weeks, the little kid had been asking questions about his 'bigger big brother'. Black Sheep understood that he couldn't see Steve, but he knew that I got to see him. It hurt, but at the same time it was nice to know that someone wanted to hear about him. I had only told Black Sheep some really watered-down versions of me and Steve's adventures and with Black Sheep being so young, he interpreted it as Steve being the good guy, the hero. Which, while it was true, I knew that Black Sheep's view might not be the best thing here.
I had been told that Steve hadn't been viewed in the best light by some mutants, but I didn't believe that. Not until Junia's opinion of Captain America did it solidified that reality. Even if we didn't share any blood, Black Sheep was like me. Loyal to a fault, and while he was into quieter activities then I was at that age, he could still get into trouble. Some times I worried that him viewing our brother as a hero, even if it is the truth, might cause him problems one day.
Kate put her hand on my shoulder, and as if she was reading my thoughts, "You can make one for Steve," she winked.
In nodded, understanding the mad underhanded logic magical plan I was just given. Black Sheep grabbed my hand and pulled me over to where he was sitting, a thick blue candle sitting at his place. We would make a candle, not for Captain America, but for Steve. Though that didn't stop Junia's quiet remarks to Arrow, but thankfully she shut him down hard.
I didn't really know much of the tradition with the candles, or how one should look. But judging by everyone else's it didn't really matter. They were mostly just using their powers to decorate them anyway (Taiga growing flowers, Jenette with some of her shed feathers, Arrow burning a pattern into the wax though she seemed disappointed in it), so I just glued on pieces of paper that Black Sheep drew on.
It was already pretty late, so dinner was soon served. Though, I didn't get to eat right away as, someone grabbed my shoulder, not harshly, but they were clearly trying to get my attention.
"James?" Someone said.
I looked around finding Cathenia standing behind me.
"May I speak with you for a moment?" She asked.
I nodded confusedly.
The elder woman led me away from the others and into the guest room she used when she stayed over. A vanity was in the corner, a double bed in the middle of the room, and two doors that likely let to a closet. She went to rummage through the closet, while I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. She turned to look at me for a moment, humming, before turning back to the closet.
"Aha," She finally said, pulling a red outfit out of the closet and putting it on the bed, "This should work for you."
"Uhm for me?" I asked confused.
"Yes, darling, did you not hear me, now come over here and try it on. You won't be going to Mourning Dusk in normal clothes on my watch."
"You're giving me new clothes for it?"
"Well, these are technically hand-me downs as Nico once wore this but yes."
"Why? No offence ma'am, but I thought you didn't like me."
"I don't dislike you James, I just haven't had a reason to get involved with you until now. Besides You should be the one who doesn't like me."
I raised a brow, "Involved?" I paused, realizing what that second sentence meant, "Wait why would I not like you?"
"Well, my father was from Germany, and was forced to participate in WWII."
"You're Dad was a Nazi?" I felt my eyes widen.
"Not by choice. He never wanted to fight, but was forced into it anyway. It was a miracle that he kept his gifts a secret from his own people, who know what they would've done. He fled to Prussia first chance he got after the war. Where he met my mother."
"Oh."
"So, do you hate me?"
"No, I don't think so." Steve wouldn't have… "I mean I don't really know you all that well."
She smirked, and I now knew where Arrow got that expression from, "Might be hope for you yet, boy."
"So, why are you giving me clothes again?"
"Well, I can't have my grandson embarrassing us on such an important event, can I?"
I eyed her oddly, "I'm not you grandson ma'am."
"Not as of yet, but maybe someday," she paused contemplating something, "Unless I interpreted it wrong."
"Interpreted what?"
"I can see the future through my dreams, child," she said as if it was obvious.
"Oh…" I eyed her, confused and suddenly very concerned, "What does that have to do with me?"
"At first, it didn't. I only see important events that need my attention, the girls who were my sons' brides-to-be for example. But you've popped up in my visions recently."
I swallowed, "Is that a good or a bad thing?"
"I don't know. I never said that my dreams were very vivid. All I know is that whatever is coming involves you and my family."
"How so?"
"Once again. I don't know. All I know is that it starts with me supporting you."
"Why does it feel like you're not telling me everything?"
"Because you don't need to know everything I know right now, and besides who wants to know their future anyway."
"Really?"
"Believe me, hindsight is something I have never experienced, but I hear it is very satisfying. Now come over here, and try this on."
Mourning Dusk ended up being the same day as my accident. It was almost like fate had a sense of humor. A sick twisted sense of humor. And the weather was in on the joke as it had been rainy wet miserable day since before the sun even rose.
No one worked during the day. We all just stayed inside, and reminisced about those we lost. Looking at old photos, telling stories, and in some cases watching old home videos. God! Did I wish to have some of those of Steve, there were millions of moments I could recall that I wished we had gotten on camara.
I ended up learning a lot about many different dead relatives. Brothers, sisters, spouses, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even this one fella who cut off both of his arms in a freak cooking accident (He lived).
Things didn't start to pick up until that evening. It was still cloudy, but it had stopped raining. We all dressed in our outfits of red fabrics and silver metals. The colors of honoring those fallen in mutant culture, as a way to symbolize battle armor and the blood shed for others. Grabbed our candles and walked into the orchards.
It took me a moment to recognize the trail we were on, but eventually I remembered it from opening day, when Arrow took me to see the cliffs. Only this time we went off of that path and on to the one I notice before. The one that led to the grave yard. And Arrow hadn't been kidding when she said it was grave yard.
It was in meadow, that was hidden in between the orchard trees. The grass slowly getting beige with Autumn running its course. We walked down the beaten dirt pathway, greeting each grave with respect, calling them by their name and wishing them peace. It seemed that mutants didn't just have a simple headstone to mark a grave, they placed a life like statue instead. The body of stone standing in a pose that made them appear powerful, youthful, and strong. Standing on a small block of stone, that had their name, birth/death date, and a quote engraved into it. The army of grey statues seemed to go on forever.
Finally, we came to one, it was of a young woman. She was maybe in her late twenties, but that didn't mean anything as many of the statues depicted someone in their prime. Her hair was held up in a high pony tail, an expression on compassion and strength on her face. She wore pants, tall boots, and a jacket, a very familiar jacket. I recognized it even if it was colored in stone. Arrow wore that very jacket every time she went on a mission. This was Alice. Arrow's mother.
Once again, I felt a little out of place. These weren't my people. This wasn't my family. This wasn't my loved one to mourn. But some how I felt connected to her.
It was her family that took me in, and saved my life. I had been told her story, maybe many times in the past week. She had been born from a family of rogues in the swamps of Louisiana. She was something called a Plastoid meaning that she could stretch her limbs far beyond the normal limits. Her family had been poor, and they only had enough to just get by. She knew the value of a dollar and what an education meant. So, her time was mostly focused on her studies and work, only using her abilities to stop the minor crimes here and there.
If she hadn't met Christin, she'd had probably lived a normal outsider life. It wasn't until she had left for collage, and one of her classmates went missing, did her story took a turn into a different direction. Her friend had been a late bloomer, someone who's powers hadn't manifested until adulthood, and didn't know how to keep them under control. Alice had watched as unknown agents take them away, and no one did anything.
Almost no one.
Christin showed up at her dorm, the next day, asking questions. Too many too specific questions, that made Alice want to ask some of her own. She followed Christin, learning everything he knew and started her own search. Eventually, they ran into each other while looking and stared to work together. In the end, Alice saved her friend and Christin offer her to come with him, back to Nexus. An offer which she originally declined. Preferring to return to her studies, only this time, working with her own mask to keep her friends and family safe. However, they kept in touch with letters.
And after many years, many missions and many letters, the friendship that Alice and Christin had formed, turned into something else. A partnership that reshaped the clan that saved me. Alice opened up the eyes of the counseling to the ones suffering beyond their borders, demanding that they do more, and Christin showed her the world she had been born for. Opening the camp had just been tip of ice burg of what she did, and the family she built solidified her legacy of strength and love.
Touching so many lives. Lives of mutants, rogues, and outsiders. Like me.
The words written on her stones were the best example of her story…
"'If something's happening in front of you, then there's only two things you can do. Something or nothing. I spent far too long doing nothing, thinking I was too small to change anything, before I realized how strong I was. Don't make my mistake.'"
Alice's was the last grave stone. There we lit the candles. The bright flames acting as guides to those who rested there.
The sun had already set by the time we made it to Nexus, and we weren't the only ones. The whole Counseling, every Clan Leader, soldier, and citizen was here. All of us were here, gathered on the grounds, in front of the Palace. A sea of red and silver, with sparkling flames being the moonlight that shines off of the waves.
The Clan Leaders greeted each other, with sad smiles, and then turned to the crowd.
"On this eve we mourn the end of an era of light," Clan leader Frost Mist spoke.
"We take this night to remember the night our greatest dynasty fell," Prowler said
"The night, years ago, where our home was burned to the ground by those who wish us harm," the one the called Akeli growled.
"We take this eve to remember those who stayed behind, and their sacrifice," one other Clan leader spoke.
"And all those who followed in their foots steps and continue to sacrifice," Christin said.
"For the lost," they said in unison.
"For the lost," the crowd answered them.
Then the march began. Each Clan gathered behind their leaders as they lead them down the roads through the city and toward the sea shore. There was a somber feeling in the air, heavy like a cold wool blanket. The quiet words of the chant they sang as they walked only added to the weight of the atmosphere.
"'Little soul, don't let these dark nights haunt you. Our island home will protect thee.
Pain caused by soldiers unchosen, will not bring your fall. Forced into the light, longing like us all.
Your queen upon the shore, her pale eyes see your heart. She will not allow us to be torn apart.
Your eyes now opened, your body scarred, but your blood of warriors, whom fell for our home.
Little soul, don't let these dark nights haunt you, for you are no longer alone.'"
The shore was where the tears began to flow. I looked around watching as the families released the candles on the waves, weeping as they did so. The ocean was calm tonight, no large waves to topple the candles. So, I felt comfortable with letting Black Sheep walk out and place Steve's candle in the water. I understood why this was sad day once I saw, all of the little flames on the sea's silvery surface; Steve's just a dot amongst them.
This was what people had lost. Thousands of lives who had been lost, leaving their loved ones, widowed, orphaned or grieving. I looked out at everyone else there, there wasn't a dry eye in the crowd. The children who were old enough to understand, the women, even the grown men; they were all crying. Crying for the lives lost.
I looked back at Steve's candle. It was far from the shore now, showing me how far away he was and that no amount of swimming would get me back to him. He was part of something new now. A new kind of army, an army of flames, an army of the dead. I suddenly felt the urge to cry, but I swallowed the pain down, scared of doing it in front of others.
It was maybe an hour later, after everyone paid their respects, did Christin call for his clan's attention.
"I know it's a hard night. We've all lost someone here," Christin spoke out, "However, this isn't just a night to mourn, it's a night to celebrate the lives that our loved ones lived. So, if you'd please," he nodded to someone behind him, "Join me in one last tribute to our lost ones."
Someone played a somber note, on what sounded like a piano.
"I saw the sun begin to dim, and felt that winter wind blow cold," Christin sang.
"A man learns who is there for him when the litter fades and the walls won't hold."
"Cause form that rubble what remains, can only be what's true."
"If all was lost there's more I gained, cause it lead me back…to you."
There was a small pause, and I was lured into the music.
"From now on, these eyes will not be blinded by the lights,"
"From now on, what's waited for tomorrow starts tonight, tonight,"
"Let this promise in me start like anthem in my heart, from now on, from now on…"
The music picked up, turning it bittersweet.
"I drank champagne with kings and queens, the politicians praised my name."
"But those were someone else's dreams, the pitfall of man I became!"
"For years and years, I chased their cheers, at a crazy speed of always needing more,"
"But when I stop and see you here! I remember who all this was for!"
The crowd started clapping out that beat.
"From now on, these eyes will not be blinded by the lights,"
"From now on, what's waited for tomorrow starts tonight, it starts tonight,"
"Let this promise in me start like anthem in my heart, from now on, from now on!"
And then crowd joined in chanting the words, "And we will come back home, and we will come back home! Home Again!" Over and over again.
In a triumph of sound, the crowd began to dance. Forming a circlet of dancers, the soles of their feet beating the sand and their hand slapping together. The voices of the crowd subtlety harmonizing with the chants of vowing to return to the place of birth. People took to the starry sky singing and clapping, bring the song to the heavens. It all came together in a beautiful display of unity, grief, and love. A promise, not only to honor those gone, but to protect and love those who were still here.
"From now on," The crowd cheered.
"These eyes will not be blinded by the lights," Christin answered
"From now on," the crowd chanted.
"What's waited for tomorrow starts tonight! It starts tonight!" Christin sang again, "Let this promise in me start like anthem in my heart, from now on, from now on!"
The crowd chants, gave one final loud screen, before slowly fading away. Their voices slowly growing more and more somber. Eventually they went quiet, and what I thought were the last few notes were played.
"From now on."
That wasn't a voice I recognized, but it felt familiar. I turned towards Christin, who seemed equally as shocked at the voice, like he hadn't expected it. Then I saw her, Arrow walking towards him, tears running down her face, but a smile on her lips.
"From now on," She sang again, this time Christin singing with her; there were tears in his eyes too.
"Home again,"
"From now on,"
"From now on,"
"Home again,"
"From now on,"
"From now on,"
"Home again,"
"From now on,"
"From now on,"
"Home again,"
And that was the end of the song. Christin embraced his daughter in a large hug, both of them crying, but with smiles on their faces.
I wanted to cry too.
The night didn't last much longer, some people continued to sing songs to tell stories, but most went home. Kate took the younger kids, including Black Sheep, home, and I didn't really know anyone other then the leader's family, so I ended up just sitting on the shore. Watching as the flames slowly dead out underneath the pale moonlight. My mind kept going back to that song. It was something that I hadn't expected, but I never wanted it to end. The amount of power and pain their voices held. It was breath taking.
However, it also made me feel more alone than ever.
I wasn't one of them, they weren't my people. I didn't know the traditions, I didn't know the lyrics, the dance steps. I didn't know their history, their pain, their loss. And looking out at the sea of burning candles, that loss wasn't small. I think I finally understood, what Arrow meant when she told me there was a deep sorrow underneath all that glitter and gold. All of these lives lost, for this paradise. It truly was heaven crafted of blood sweat and tears. The worse part was…
That it was still happening.
There were people who were still fighting for this place every day. Hundreds of soldiers sent out every day, trying to bring their brethren back home, only to die. Dying without seeing the good they had done. Dying far away from all that they loved. Dying all alone.
Like Cap had.
"Hey," A familiar voice came from behind me.
I turned around finding Arrow behind me, "Hey," I said.
"Mind of I join you?"
I shrugged, and she took a seat next to me on the sand.
"I wanted to apologize," she started.
"For what?"
"For being so distant after the fourth."
Oh, so that what this was about, "No problem. I probably should apologize to you for…"
"No. No Bucky don't. Don't apologize for something you can't help. I should be apologizing to you. I didn't mean to become so distance afterward. You weren't the only one to have old wounds open up that night."
"What?"
"Uhm…" she trailed off and forced a chuckle, "It's a long story."
"I'll listen," I said, anything to keep my mind off of Cap.
She smiled but it wasn't happy. A tear slipped from her eye, and she quickly wiped it away. The tear was quickly followed by a second, and then a third. She sniffed. That was the moment the mask slipped off. Not the one she was wearing, but the face of a young confident and happy girl that she always wore, hiding her pain. In front of me now, was a soldier, a scarred soldier, who carried the weight of the world on her shoulders.
"I was an idiot," She continued, "I thought that all our problems with the outside could be solved with one simple conversation. Even with my brothers and sisters, living proof of the horrors that happened to us by their hands. I still didn't believe it. Everyone told me it was real, but I didn't listen. I thought we could have a simple conversation, and fix things...
"So, one day I went out. I found a park in the middle of a city; I don't remember where. There was a little girl playing by the fountain. I made the water into dancing dolphins. She laughed, but her parents screamed. I was frozen, I had never had anyone react to my powers with fear before.
"Then people came out of nowhere. They were armed, with large guns that scared me. I didn't mean to make the ground shake, but they took it as a threat and fired at me. Next thing I knew I was thrown in the back of a truck, being hauled off to a containment faciality. At least that's what they called it; a more fitting term would be prison camp.
"They stuck a chip in the back of my neck. It would shock me, force my powers into survival mode, made me lose control. It hurt so bad. I just wanted it to stop, and one day it did. My powers, they just fizzled out. They threw me into the isolation ward for days because of it.
"One day mom came for me. She and Dad had worked tirelessly to find me and when they did, they came to get me back. But it was a trap. The doors were closing on us, she forced me out just before they clicked shut, and then the entire building went up in flames. I screamed and wailed trying to get back inside, but Dad held me back through his own tears."
Arrow was full on sobbing at this point. The pain in her eyes, it was like nothing I had seen before.
"I... It was hard coming home," She sniffed, "Something was wrong with me. I couldn't use my powers. I couldn't feel anything and the world just felt so empty. After they removed the chip, Fire and wind came back, but the others…"
"Others?" I asked, already seeing where this was heading.
"I was born a four-point elemental. Fire water wind and earth. I could feel, sense, control all of them, but..."
"Earth and water never came back."
She sniffed and nodded, "You know how I feel people breathing?"
I nodded.
"Well, water gave me the ability to feel heart beats. Bucky the night of the fourth, I felt yours."
I swallowed, wondering what that meant, "What?"
"I felt your heart beat that night, Bucky. How do you think I found you? No one heard you slip away. The beating led me to you," She paused, "The sensation shocked me; I thought I was going to pass out. Honestly, having to calm you down from your panic attack kind of saved me from having one of my own. Your heart beat was the first time I felt one again in three years. I kind of freaked out afterwards, and you didn't deserve that. I'm sorry."
I just stared at her in awe. All of the puzzle pieces were coming together, what Snowy and Junia told me about. This was it. I knew how important powers were to these mutants. The kids whose powers activated at camp…it was a sight to behold. The utter wonder on their faces, when they realized what they could do, just how much potential they had, and the parents or trainers with them; I had never seen such pride in someone's eyes before. To these people, powers were an ancient gift that was meant to be greatly treasured.
For one of them to lose that gift…it would've been better if they had just killed her.
"It's not your fault," I rasped, "Does this mean their coming back? Your Powers?"
"I don't know, I haven't felt anything since that night. It might have just been a one-off."
Arrow clutched the back of her neck, where her scar was. Her eyes were cold and distant as they stared into the sand. She looked so broken; it made me mad. How could people be so cruel? I knew the horrible capabilities that human kind could have, I had fought Nazis once for god's sake. But this hurt. Arrow lost so much to them. Her mother, her powers, and most likely her honor. Were there no good people left in the world?! Good people like Steve.
Steve…
Damn it! Why does it all come back around to him?! Why did he always seem to be there but not really be there? Why did it have to hurt? These questions swirled around in my mind, till eventually there was only one thought left.
He should have lived. Not me.
The world needed Captain America more than Bucky. That was the last thing I said to him and I was right. I knew I was right. He was the only one who could set this crazy world straight. So that no one, no one like Arrow or Black Sheep or everyone else, had to suffer the way they did. I couldn't do that. Why did I live?
Arrow put her hand on my shoulder, "Are you okay?"
Tears started to attack my eyes then. I held them back as best I could. There was no point to crying. It didn't bring anyone back. It only made you look weak.
"You can mourn, you know that?" Arrow said, somehow knowing what I was feeling.
I turned away form her, so she wouldn't see my face.
"Bucky look at me," she said.
I couldn't turn around.
She put her hand on my shoulder, and turned me to face her. She was crying again too.
"You can miss him. Bottling this up is only hurting you Bucky and he wouldn't want you to be in pain."
And like that the dam I built broke. Tears flowed out wildly as I sobbed. Arrow pulled me into a hug, much like the one her old man gave me when I first came out of the ice. I clung to her as if she was my life line; scared that she would fall away or disappear if I let go. It took me a few moments to pull myself together, but she didn't seem to care; gently rubbing my back to comfort me, as patient as can be.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I choked, pulling away from her.
"Don't be. Are you alright?" She spoke.
My breath hitched, and I felt like I was choking on something, "Can I be honest with you?"
She didn't hesitate to nod.
"No," I huffed a sad laugh, "Everywhere I look. I see him, but I don't at the same time. It's like a window, but you can't break the glass to get to the other side. It's like he here but he's not and all I want him is to be here. To meet Black Sheep. To see a world that's while far from perfect, is at peace. And to give me a hug."
"Your grieving Bucky. I know it hurts, believe me, but this needs to happen. Only through fire can the sword be forged. It's going to be hard, but you'll come out of this stronger than ever."
I sniffed, "It still hurts. Every time I close my eyes he there, but…Sometimes I wonder if I had done something differently."
"Bucky, stop. Don't go down that rabbit hole."
"But if I hadn't followed him, he could've jumped off…"
"Bucky…"
"I killed him Row, I killed my brother."
"Bucky Barnes!" She suddenly growled, "Don't you dare feel guilty. It was not your fault."
I looked at her, her eyes had gone bitter. Anguish painted her beautiful face.
"I'm the reason my mother was killed. I'm the reason why Sable and Shawnen won't get to grow up with a mother. You are not alone in feeling like this. I have gone down the roads of 'what if' and all it does is hurt. It doesn't make the pain any easier."
There was a short moment of silence, just taking comfort in each other's company.
"How do I make it go away?" I finally asked, "The pain?"
"You can't, you can only live with it and make sure that you never have another reason to feel it again."
"So, that's it. I'm just going to hurt forever?"
"Sometimes it feels like that," She paused, "There is one thing you can try though."
"What?"
"Let go of him. You can't swim to safety, if you're drowning trying to save someone who isn't there."
My throat felt tight, and fresh tears slip from my eyes. Let go? How can I do that?
"I know it sounds scary…"
"Scary?! It sounds like betrayal! You're asking me to forget him? Do you know how much Steve did for me!? I won't turn my back on him!"
"I'm not asking you to forget him Bucky. I'm asking you to accept the truth. That he's not coming back. That you have to be someone without him."
I let my face fall into my hands, and whipped my face on my sleeve.
"Bucky, you don't need Steve anymore. You can find who you are on your own. You can remember him, and what he did. But also remember that your memories are enough. He lives on through them and through you."
I looked her in the eyes.
"Let go, but don't forget. Moving on, moving forward, is the only way to heal," she wrapped an arm around me.
I wanted to believe her. I wanted to move on. But letting go? Arrow said that letting go wasn't forgetting, but…It felt like it. I looked out at the candles, finding the one Black Sheep and I made drifting close the shore. Just in time to watch the chilling night air to blow its little flame out. Something inside my chest shifted and it hurt. Steve was gone.
Steve was gone.
"I didn't know him," Arrow started to say, "But I don't think he'd want you to spend your life wishing for him. Would he want that?"
I shook my head, a few more tears fell.
"What would he want?"
I hiccupped, thinking back the few conversations we had about after the war, "For me to live. Build a life of my own."
"Then do that. Honor his wishes and live for the both of you."
"I don't know how."
"No one does. Destiny is rarely a straight forward path. You never know where life will leave you. Sometimes you can only just take one step forward at a time."
The truth was hard to swallow, but Arrow was right. I couldn't wallow in this.
"It will be okay Bucky."
Steve was gone. The thought made my throat feel tight and my eyes water, but that's all it did. There were no thoughts of him frozen in the artic, or what I could've done differently. All I had left were memories, and maybe Arrow was right. Maybe memories were enough.
Goodbye Steve.
A/N:
Okay, yeah, the part about the rocket incident happening in October is something I made up. I tried to find the actual date, but depending on the continuity it fluctuates. So, I said screw it this is fanfiction the explosion can happen whenever I want!
The song is, 'from now on' from the greatest showman, and I know its from a movie, but this has been a scene in my head ever since I heard the song.
Link to song – watch?v=iW2FUY3N-n0
Bye y'all see you next time! Next chapter supposed to be shorter so hopefully not a long wait!
