Shallot's Advice

At a bar in Shonen City, the bullied Saiyan known as Shallot sat with a bottle of beer in his hand as he sighed over his misfortune in the DAU. While not canonical to the DAU fic Lego had the bright idea for, that didn't mean that the characters didn't know of the events happening in the canon.

Which brought Shallot to this point, in a bar, while his girlfriend went off to work a night shift at some pizza place.

Shallot sighed as he took another swig of his beer. "Why is it I'm the joke of the series and no one else?" He questioned no one but himself.

"Perhaps you just have the aura about you that makes anything related to your misfortune absolutely hilarious?" The mist man bartender said to Shallot, which made Shallot look at him dryly.

"Yeah, and maybe you'd pick up a chick if didn't hide your looks behind your mist," Shallot retorted.

"Even if I did unveil myself," the bartender began, "there is the fact I lack a dick. Apparently my creators saw it unneeded for me to even have reproductive organs. Or any organs in the first place."

"Jesus, you must live a lonely and depressing life," Shallot said sympathetically.

The doors to the bar opened before someone sat next to Shallot, with the Saiyan and bartender looking at the person, though it turned out to be Lego himself.

"Look, I get it," Shallot began. "It's your story. But do you really need to appear in every chapter?"

"Do you really need to be bullied every episode in the DAU?" Lego countered.

"Eh, fair enough." Shallot downed the rest of the bottle before looking at Lego. "You drink?"

"I like to indulge in matters, yes," Lego said. "But not all matters." He looked at Kurogiri, who was heavily applied as the bartender. "I will simply request orange juice despite the fact this is a bar."

"We don't serve that here," Kurogiri told the author.

"Just double check," Lego said, before Kurogiri walked away to check for orange juice.

"Really, orange juice?" Shallot questioned. "This is a bar, not a cafeteria. Why not a beer, or wine? Hell, why not try some of the Japanese sake?"

"Vitamin C," Lego replied. "It all comes down to Vitamin C." Shallot just looked at Lego like he admitted to starting the Coochie Wars; both of them too.

"You're full on cappin'," Shallot said in return.

"That it true, I am cappin'," Lego admitted. "But where's the fun in saying my reasons?" Lego shifted on the barstool so he faced Shallot. "Especially when I have more important matters to discuss."

"Important…" Shallot looked at Lego warily. "...how?"

"Okay, like you said, you're the butt of the joke," Lego stated. "And so, I want to help you become more than that, especially since you are my favorite DAU character, I predicted you'd yell 'Haha, I'm a Furry', and also because I don't feature you getting hurt in my chapters."

Shallot looked at Lego slightly impressed. "If you're trying to trick me, it's working."

Lego sighed. "You really think Cell set me up for this, don't you?"

"Yep, sounds like something you'd do," Shallot admitted.

"Well that's not what's happening because me and Tale have both voiced our own concerns for your mental stability in our own ways," Lego told Shallot. "Although I might be more concerned for your mental stability as I can understand those issues."

"What happened to you?" Shallot wondered aloud.

Lego began to laugh forcefully before saying bluntly, "Choices." Lego pulled out what looked like a photo album. "...a series of life changing bad choices, all of which I regret and have nightmares about every few days." The author gave a sideways glance at Shallot. "And trust me, it's true."

Shallot's eyes widened. "Have you considered therapy or talking with someone?" Shallot asked.

"I'd rather not bring others into my own issues," Lego told him. "Which includes my family, the small number of friends I do have though I don't know if the feeling is mutual, whoever else I talk to or have some sort of connection with. Which leaves the only other people who I'd be more open towards, which would be a bunch of fictional characters, and yet it's therapeutic for me at the same fucking time." He gave a small laugh. "Funny."

"You have serious issues," Shallot told Lego.

"Regardless, you have issues too, and I wish to help you because fuck turning shit about me, since I don't like to do that and seem like a whining bitch in the process," Lego said, turning the topic back to where it was meant to be. "After all, as a certain musician I listen to in a song once said, 'If the smile ain't real, then I'll put on a fake'."

"Right."

Kurogiri walked back into the room, surprisingly with a glass bottle of orange juice, and gave Lego the bottle. "Your… drink, sir," he said, absolutely baffled by the fact he had orange juice which he could've sworn wasn't there this morning.

"Thanks," Lego said, before putting his mask over the upper section of his face and taking a drink, before bringing his mask down to his mouth again. He looked at Shallot again, before handing him a paper. "My contact info. Hit me up if you need to talk about shit."

"R-Right," Shallot said, not sure if this was legit still, before Lego left the bar.

Shallot became silent as he stared at the number on the slip. He sighed, before leaving the bar to return home as well, deciding to think about it when he had sobered up some more.

Yes, I've made a lot of bad choices which I occasionally have nightmares over, and I do also prefer to not drag people into my shit more than I have to. Better the tip of the iceberg than the entire sword.

Zarbon: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHOOOOOOOOOO!

Tale and I have also brought up Shallot's end of the deal during one of our many talks, so I decided to set this chapter up in hopes of helping this Saiyan out with his psychological scars as he is bound to have them do to what he's been through because of Cell and Kermit. And also the Michael Myers episode, which just helped fuel the Shallot Flame.