Chapter 21

A shuttle took us to the Negotiator once we dropped the 501st and Master Skywalker off on their ship. A report had been given to the Jedi Council already. Eleven dead, several wounded. The price for an arrogant politician's actions. I had made it a point to stay silent the entire time, coming to terms with my feelings regarding the entire situation. My disdain for Chairman Cho, my indifference for his death, my inability to set it all aside and try to come to a peaceful solution.

I had failed as a Jedi, and yet it didn't feel like it. The silent, but powerful gratitude I felt in the clones when I visited the med bay made it all worth it. In the corridors, the 501st said nothing, but every clone I walked past either saluted me or patted my shoulder. There was no need for more. But in the back of my mind, I knew my behavior had not been that of a Jedi. The real question was: was that really wrong?

All of this I considered in silence, I had to sort my emotions on my own before I asked Master Kenobi the important questions. I needed to know the source of my hatred for Cho -other than the obvious-, the reason behind my protectiveness of the clones and my attachment to them. I needed to figure out if I was truly capable of feeling all of this but not let it dictate my actions. Was I capable of accepting the death of those around me and not let my grief turn into hatred? Was I capable of processing it all and letting it go? If I was in a situation where I couldn't really take my time to process it all, how would I react?

Master Kenobi decided not to comment on my silence, at least not until we were on board the Negotiator. He had probably felt my struggle and decided to give me some time to sort it all out. Master Kenobi, I'd realized, was the type of Master to be quietly supportive. He would give you time to figure things out on your own and only interfere if things felt like they were getting out of hand. He was the kind of person who knows when to shut up and when to interfere.

Unlike Master Plo, who decided to simply wait until I came to him with my concerns because he knew I trusted him enough to do so, and he trusted me to figure things out on my own in turn. I guess it was because of the nature of each master. Kenobi might have been a good negotiator, but at the end of the day he was a Guardian, always would be. There was no way he would stand idly by when he felt turmoil within his Padawan.

"You've been awfully quiet since we left orbit." He was trying to be casual about it, asking only when the only people around were a few maintenance droids and the hangar crew. "Don't get me wrong, it is nice to have a Padawan who can stay still for a change, but the Force does not lie, Kriari. What's on your mind?"

I smiled, I'd have to ask him about that some other time.

"I don't know if Master Plo ever told you, but I'm not good with emotions -feeling them that is." I started "I'm more mentally oriented and feelings confuse me a lot. I'm trying to sort mine out and understand them. That way, if I know how I respond emotionally to certain situations, I can know what to expect of myself in the future. It makes not giving into them a bit easier."

This seemed to amuse Obi-Wan.

"Emotions are very volatile, and they are meant to be felt, not thought, young one. Analysing them will only get you so far."

We started to make our way out of the hangar and towards the elevators, we had to meet with Commander Cody for debriefing and status reports on the 212th.

"I know that, Master, but it doesn't hurt to try. It's also an excuse to reevaluate my relationships with the people around me. I might not have acted on impulse in Orto Plutonia, but I did let my feelings get the best of me. Charman Cho-"

"You did nothing wrong in Orto Plutonia, Kriari. The Chairman was a test on the resolve of all of us present. Not acting on your emotions does not mean you don't get to feel them. You are entitled to your own opinion on the man and his actions. The Force knows it was a test for all three of us to keep it together." He said as the doors to the upper level opened. "You forget you are a Padawan, this is the time for you to make mistakes and learn from them, don't be so hard on yourself."

It was at times like these that I realized just how lucky I had been when I'd been assigned both my masters. They were understanding and compassionate, but they knew where to draw the line. Master Kenobi, as a Guardian, often took a more direct approach to every situation, while Master Plo was willing to wait and let things pan out before acting. It was a good thing that I was Padawan to both. One appealed to my rational side, and the other to my intuition, but both of them knew where my priorities lied and respected that.

Cody was waiting for us at the bridge, but the Force around him wasn't calm and collected as usual, something had happened. If I'd felt it, then Master Kenobi had too, but when I looked at him all I saw was his unmoveable exterior. To me, Master Plo felt safe because he was a comforting presence, someone who would validate your fears but guide you through them. Master Kenobi -on the other hand- felt safe because he was strong, supporting, immovable like a pillar holding the ceiling above your head even in the face of an earthquake.

"You have news for us, I gather, Cody." Said my Master.

"I do, Sir," started the commander before turning on a holo map on the tactical table. "We have received a transmission from Naboo. Senator Amidala has found a Separatist lab within the system and has requested Jedi intervention."

What was the saying, again? No rest for the wicked?

...

I adjusted my new armour as I exited my quarters aboard the Negotiator. After the other set had been all but melted off my back, Master Kenobi put a few of his men to work on a new one. This one still had the original gray design of the Pack on the left arm, but the right one now sported a straight yellow line that ran from my shoulder to my wrist. The chest piece had been left its original white, and the symbol of the Jedi order had been moved to where my heart was. When I asked about it, Master Kenobi shot a side glance at Cody and grinned. The Clone Commander blushed lightly. It was so that I could blend in easier in the 212th -he said- scratching nervously at the back of his head. It was heartwarming, the fact that -even after working together for a short while- Cody was still welcoming me into the battalion as if I'd been there the entire time.

Clone loyalty was something that had baffled me from the very beginning. Even during the first assault on Geognosis, the clones had welcomed me in as one of their own, and even after that, some of them remained my closest friends. Art, Twitch, Boost, Wolffe, and even Headfirst had shown their loyalty time and time again. Not only by saving my life and having my back, but also by showing me they cared.

Wolffe tried to keep me safe at every turn, he monitored me closer than anyone else and made sure I was level headed in the field. Art made sure not to pry every time I sat down to get tattooed. He knew the weight of those names, he never asked how many names I had left, or if I was planning to stop at some point. He made sure each stroke was precise so it didn't need going over. He never asked if I was tired of it or if I didn't think I had too many already. Twitch made sure to check on my mental health even when he wasn't assigned to watch me, he would recommend books or bands or holo shows to keep my mind entertained and away from the battlefield. Headfirst made sure to spar with me every time one of us had the time, and he insisted it was so that I wouldn't lose my touch.

And the men of the 212th were starting to warm up to me quickly too. Their loyalty to their General extended to me as well, so it took little convincing for them to acknowledge me as a part of their battalion.

They had all proved to me time and time again that they would be risking their lives for me as much as I'd been doing for them, not because it was their duty, but because they wanted to keep me alive.

I double checked that I had both my lightsaber and my Kel Dor mask before finally stepping into the hangar. I decided that -since we were going to infiltrate a laboratory- it was in my best interest to have something to help filter the air around me. I did not put it past the separatists to use biological warfare when it would clearly give their droid forces an advantage over an army of life forms. Even if blowing up the entire facility would only compromise Naboo instead of the dozens of systems they were aiming for.

After receiving further information from Naboo, Masters Kenobi and Skywalker decided that a smaller taskforce was probably better in close quarters. Master Kenobi and I would be taking a single squad made up of two teams of four. The bomb diffusing team would go in with General Kenobi, and the assault team would come with me. Master Skywalker and Ahsoka would be doing the same. The aim was to capture the lab, its resident chemist and rescue both Senator Amidala and Representative Binks without setting off any of the bombs that contained an airborne version of the Blue Shadow virus. It was a delicate operation, and the stakes were higher than ever.

My master and the rest of the squad were waiting for me aboard the LAAT/i that would take us to the surface where we would have one last briefing before storming the facility. The men were doing last minute checks on their armour integrity and weapons function as the pilot closed the blast doors and carefully started the taking off sequence. In my head I went over the plan once again and did a mental checklist on everything I had on me. Mask, check; lightsaber, check; armour, check; names of the team…

I realized I had never worked closely with any of the 212th before, and there had been no time for introductions right then, rescue missions needed to be quick. I introduced myself to the four troopers that would be working with me. Waxer, Boil, T.H. and Ginger introduced themselves in turn. they had heard a lot about me from Rex, they said. Which only made me dread what the Captain might have told them. I hoped nothing about my tendency to catch fire.

But there was no time for that now. We arrived at Theed in no time, and there was a meeting to attend. The plan was simple: Ahsoka and I would be leading our teams through one of the lab's entrances and creating a distraction so that our Masters could disarm the bombs and rescue the hostages. I was confident we could make it with minimal casualties. And even if ours was the most action packed mission, I would rather face droids than try and diffuse bombs before the virus killed us all.

As it turns out, it didn't really matter what I wanted. In war, if something could go wrong, it would. And this mission was no exception.