Chapter 25

The last few days before a large-scale attack were always the shortest. Everyone on board was busy with last minute preparations and tension was always running high. It was hard not to get anxious with the amount of nervousness going around, especially for a force sensitive. It was times like these that I envied the calm my masters were capable of. We were all having fitful, restless nights, I knew it, but even then, Master Kenobi seemed always composed, put together and ready for anything. To be able to hold everyone together by simply being there, solid, reassuring. I admired Master Kenobi for it, because, right then, it seemed like the only thing keeping the 212th in one piece was his composure.

Not that the entire battalion was running around like headless chickens, they were professional, trained soldiers; but the anticipation before a battle brought to light a lot of their coping mechanisms for their anxiety, and some were very obvious about it. Most of them checked the integrity of their armour multiple times a day, others polished their blasters so much they looked like they were freshly manufactured; some called the person they had been seeing while off duty just in case, and others exercised religiously before sleep so that they could actually rest every night. Master Kenobi told me he meditated three times a day, when he woke up, right after lunch and before sleep. I figured that was the secret to his success. As for me, I meditated as well, but I also made sure to call the Pack and Master Plo every night before lights off.

Master Plo had known me long enough to realize I was getting attached to the people around me, he warned me about the possible consequences of that, but he never chastised me for it. Losing them -and some of them I would lose- would be one of the most if not the most painful experience of my life. I knew that, I told him, but shying away from connections for fear of what might happen seemed cowardly to me. He understood, but made it very clear that I would be the only one to blame for the repercussions of my actions. Still, even after he had made his opinion on the matter clear, he continued to listen to my worries and answer my questions. He was patient like that. Master Plo was what every Jedi Master should be, and I was incredibly lucky to have him. He was a father figure, true, but I wouldn't go as far as to compare him to A'Koba. Master Plo was family, a teacher, a guide, and I was as attached to him as I was to the clones, to Ahsoka, and to Master Kenobi.

I had a lot to lose.

…

When I was still in the Jedi Temple, training to be a Padawan, I learned to manage my anxiety by forcing myself to be present in the moment. To do each action with awareness and purpose, to focus my mind on what I was doing and why, and to perform all of it as carefully and meticulously as possible. That habit had followed me onto the battlefield.

I woke the day of the invasion to the sound of my alarm, blinking the sleep from my eyes and rubbing them a little before sitting on my bunk bed. I took a deep breath in and sighed out any trepidation I might have had for the day. I washed my face and brushed my teeth in the refresher before re-braiding the longer strands of hair on the back of my head that hadn't been cut when I became a Padawan. My pale face was a stark contrast against my short black hair, which made it look almost sickly in the fluorescent light of the refresher, but I knew the shadows underneath my eyes were no trick of the light.

I walked back into my quarters and took a moment to look at my new robes. I had been forced to get new ones after Master Kenobi had pointed out how worn out my previous ones had been. Jedi always needed to look their best, it was good for morale, he said. This new set had three layers: the bottom one was the very same deep maroon Master Plo wore, the middle layer was the sandy color of Tusken traditional wear, and the last one was cream, like Master Kenobi's. They were all tied together by my gray utility belt. Next to them there was the armour the 212th had given me, almost new, with only few scratches here and there. I knew more would be added by the end of the mission.

I started dressing myself, putting on my pants first and then the first layer of linen. I dedicated such time and care to each of them it almost felt reverent. I wanted to honor the meaning behind the decision I'd made when choosing each of them. Where I'd come from, where I'd been, where I was. I wanted everything about my outer appearance to reflect who I was on the inside. Yes, I was a Jedi. I was Plo Koon's and Obi-Wan Kenobi's Padawan. I was a member of both the 104th and 212th battalions. But I was also Tusken. I would always be.

I made sure to put Ahsoka's bracelet and the utility belt on properly before getting started on the armor. First went the breast plate, then the shoulder pads, the rerebraces, the elbow pads and vambraces. Next came the boots. I looked at myself in the mirror and for the first time in years was satisfied with what I saw. Yes, that was me. When I was done psyching myself up, I took my gloves and tucked them into my belt before leaving for the mess hall. I would need a good cup of koff for this one.

The mess hall was crowded with clones breaking fast before their morning shift and, if possible, even rowdier than ever. It was normal for troops -I had come to realize- to try and hide their anxiety by being louder than usual. The more lighthearted ones would joke around and try to raise others' spirits, while the more reserved ones kept silent for the most part, only snapping at others when they became too much for them to handle.

Either way, tensions were high, very high. Everyone wanted to get to Felucia and just get the battle started already. If there was anything worse than the silence after a battle, then that was the silence before. The Force moved sluggishly around people about to run into battle, almost sticky with anxiety and fear, weighing on everything and everyone, constricting the chest and overstimulating the mind while freezing the body in place. At least when one was fighting and moving around and desperate to stay alive, things seemed to flow freely.

I took the tray that was given to me and a cup of koff before heading towards one of the empty tables. I didn't mind eating alone, in fact, I had become used to it. Sometimes T.H. or Waxer or Boil, or even Master Kenobi would join me, but for the most part, our schedules didn't really match up, so eating on my own was not a big deal to me. At least in the 212th. I finished my breakfast quickly and after returning the tray I headed for the bridge.

I watched troopers march by on the corridors, moving supplies and gear, putting teams together, going over the plan one last time before the assault. Their faces might have been the same, but they could not have been more different. To force sensitives, being in a star destroyer filled to the brim with clones felt like walking the streets of Coruscant, every life form was unique. And each reacted differently to the tension of a fast approaching battle. They made sure to try their hardest to differentiate themselves from the next clone as well. You could tell a lot by a trooper's armour, hair and tattoos. They were so wildly different, and interacting with them blew my mind every time.

The doors to the bridge slid open with a smooth, quiet swish. The room was alive with chatter from the crew as well as the commanding officers on deck. Cody and Master Kenobi stood amongst plans and holomaps of Felucia, and were discussing something about the southern and northern hemispheres. But they were not alone, Master Skywalker and Captain Rex were there as well -or their holograms were- listening in on what the other two were saying.

"Good morning, gentlemen." I greeted as I came within range of the holotransmiter.

"Ah, Kriari, good to see at least Obi-Wan's Padawan isn't hopeless." Said Master Skywalker. "Ahsoka could learn a thing or two from you."

I chuckled.

"I doubt it, Master. I grew up with her, if she didn't learn to be on time back then, I don't think she ever will."

As if on cue, Ahsoka came into shot a few seconds later, panting like she had run all the way from her quarters to the bridge. She apologized profusely, only to have her master sass her and Obi-Wan shake his head in exasperation. Cody and Rex said nothing, but I knew they found the whole thing amusing. Or at least Rex did, Cody felt kind of tired of the whole thing already.

"Well, now that we have everyone, I think we can start briefing everyone on the plan. Cody?" Said Master Kenobi as he motioned Commander Cody forward.

"We will split our effort into two. We will approach from the southern hemisphere where we have no reports of anti-aircraft weaponry. Once we secure the landing site, we will send out two patrols into the jungle to try and establish a perimeter. One will go east, and the other west." He explained as he pointed at the holomap of Felucia. "Once we are able to secure a big enough perimeter, we should be able to hold it until the occupation fleet arrives."

I stroked at my chin softly as I watched the holo map turn. There were two big Separatist outposts marked, and I didn't want to imagine the amount of droids each could house.

"I think we should be careful going into this one. Getting through the blockade will be hard enough. Even if we don't lose any gunships trying to get through, we might not have enough troops to take that many droids." I said. "I get why we are avoiding the north, but wouldn't it be wiser to send a patrol there to make sure the enemy won't box us in?"

Obi-Wan looked at me and smirked, he seemed satisfied with something I'd said.

"We thought about that, Commander," answered Cody. "We know something is up north, and we can count on them attacking, but we don't know if there is anything to the east or west. You can expect something you know is there, but never something you don't."

I nodded in understanding. Surprises in the battlefield were never pleasant, it was wise to make sure there weren't any.

"I'm guessing Kriari and I are taking the patrols, then." Smiled Ahsoka. "Don't worry, masters, we'll make sure no tinnie gets past us. Right, Kriari?"

I smirked at her and nodded. Not one.

"Well, since we're all settled and briefed on the plan, we should get going." Said Master Skywalker. "Try not to land too far from the landing site, Master. Wouldn't want me and the boys to have to rescue you."

"Careful now, Master Skywalker. Wouldn't want to have to swallow those words of yours now, would you?" I shot back before Obi-Wan could answer.

I thought it had been funny, Master Kenobi and Cody definitely had thought so as well, but Master Skywalker stayed cold, indifferent to my words; for a moment, I thought he hadn't heard me.

"We'll see about that."