Chapter 15

Hey guys I'm back with another chapter! I hope you guys are all still liking this story! Thank you so much for all the sweet reviews! Each one of them makes my day. PLEASE REVIEW and let me know what you guys think of this chapter! God Bless! :)

Warning: This chapter will contain swearing

-Innocentia999

Lilla's POV:

The next day Heim mostly remained quiet as I scrubbed the floor of his office, tensely flicking through a bunch of papers on his desk. I could see he was obviously just about ready to bite someone's head off.

I figured it would be best to just leave him alone and let sleeping dogs lie for now, as I didn't think he'd appreciate any sort of interruption at all.

Suddenly a knock came at the door.

"What!" Heim snapped.

The door flew open and Volkenrath breezed into the room.

"What do you want Johanna? I'm working" he growled irritably, eyes returning to his paperwork.

"Oh are we in a bad mood today?" she crooned, leaning against the desk at his side and beginning to toy with the collar of his uniform.

Heim caught her hand, stalling her action.

"Johanna I am busy…" he said tightly.

"You're always busy. You need to make time for something else, maybe like me, or maybe like us" she continued crooning, releasing his collar and standing behind him, beginning to massage his shoulders.

"Johanna please stop touching me…" he warned through clenched teeth.

"Oh you know like it. All the other officers do, stop being so uptight."

Heim sprang up from his chair and away from her hands, backing against the book shelf.

"I said STOP IT Johanna! So keep your hands to yourself and GET THE HELL OUT!" he yelled.

"Fine if you change you're mind…" she grinned seductively, not the least bit affected by his outburst, and sauntered out of the office.

Heim slammed the door closed behind her, resting his hands upon the wood and breathing hard. It was then that I noticed he was trembling.

I immediately stopped scrubbing and softly padded my way over to him.

"Sir?" I asked gently.

"What?!" he snapped, though more from anxiety then anger towards me.

"Are you alright?"

"What do you think?!" he snapped miserably.

I noticed his breathing was becoming increasingly shallow and his face had turned chalky white.

I immediately recognized the signs of hyperventilation and panic attack.

"Sir you're hyperventilating. You need to sit down and place you're head between you're knees."

"What are you a doctor now too?" he groaned.

"No my Father is. I've assisted him many times. Trust me you need to do as I ask or you might pass out."

"I don't feel I can even move."

"I'll help you get to a chair or even you're bed if you think you can make it but you have to trust me."

"I did not ask for your help!" he snapped again.

"But you need it" I replied, firmly.

After another moment passed, he lifted his arm from the door in an invitation for my support.

I placed his arm around my shoulder and we slowly made our way to his little office bedroom at the back which he used if he was working late. I moved aside the curtain covering the entrance and slowly set him, well more like he collapsed, upon the bed.

His breathing was still rapid and his eyes were squeezed shut tight, and sweat lathered his forehead.

"Try to slow your breathing as best you can. I'll be back as quickly as I can with a cool washcloth you can put over your eyes."

Heim waved me away and I assumed that meant he heard me and I raced out of the room.

Soaking a cloth in the sink upstairs I hurried back down to him.

"Here put it over your eyes" I handed it to him and thankfully he obeyed.

His breathing remained however didn't seemed to be calming. I then recalled a technique that Papa had talked about when we had dealt with patients in this state in his office back in Budapest. He'd called it grounding.

"Would you like to hold my hand?" I asked, pulling up a chair to the side of the bed.

"I am a grown man, how dare you even ask me that question!" he snapped indignantly, his panic once agin dictating his response.

"It's for grounding. Every time you feel panicked, simply squeeze my hand and it will help you to slowly feel calmer and bring you back to the present. That is of course unless you'd like to continue suffering until you pass out!" I griped right back, letting my impatience with his resistance to my help get the better of me.

To my surprise his hand out shot out from his side, and I slowly took hold of it. It was obvious from his interaction with Volkenrath he didn't really take kindly to physical contact and I didn't want to panic him any further.

"There now just breathe. You're alright" I reassured him continuously as he squeezed my hand over and over again. Slowly, his breathing relaxed more and more until finally he was inhaling and exhaling normally again.

When he reached that point he slowly removed the cloth from his eyes with his free hand.

"Feel better?" I inquired, unable to hide my satisfaction in being proven right.

He gazed around for a moment, his eyebrows scrunched together in confusion before turning his head to look at me.

"It's gone."

"See I told you."

He then looked down and I realized I was still gripping his hand. I quickly released it as if I had touched fire, looking away to hide my embarrassment.

"Sorry" I mumbled.

I could still feel his gaze upon me.

"That's never happened before" he said.

I glanced up.

"What? You having a panic attack?"

"No, being able to calm down."

"You mean this happens often?"

He tore his eyes from me and gazed at the ceiling.

"I get…memories."

I thought I understood what was probably going on.

"Ahh, you mean to say you suffer from the condition known as the combat fatigue?"

"Maybe, but I've been suffering with…this whatever it is…since childhood because of…things that happened as well."

"Do you get flashbacks of these memories if something particular happens? Or nightmares from these memories?"

He glanced at me again.

"Yes. How did you know?"

"I know because my Father has treated hundreds if not thousands of patients struggling with what you describe. Anyone from soldiers to children. And I have helped him. He studies the condition himself as well when he's not working. Well at least he used to before…" I stopped short, having to bite my lip to keep from crying as I remembered all that had happened.

Heim seemed to notice but thankfully decided to say nothing.

"What made him want to study that subject in particular?" Heim inquired, to my astonishment sounding genuinely curious.

"That is his story to tell not mine" I replied.

I lifted myself from the chair.

"Well, you should probably rest for another fifteen minutes or so at least just to make sure you're calmed down enough. I should be getting back to work."

He sat up quickly as I headed for the door.

"I suppose this means you're going to tell everyone."

I turned back to him puzzled.

"Why would I do that?"

"I've done horrible things to you and humiliated you. Don't you want to humiliate me now by telling everyone how I struggle?"

"Regardless of any personal animosity I feel towards you, you are a child of God and loved by God as I am and because of that I will not humiliate you because that's not what Jesus would do."

His eyebrows drew together in irritation and he flopped back down on the bed.

"Don't give me any of that primitive religious nonsense. God doesn't exist. They're simply stories for children who are too innocent to realize the truth, and adults needing a crutch."

"Regardless of whether or not you believe in God, I believe in him and I will act accordingly. Besides after all I've been put through by you, your father, and every other Nazi, I know the pain of humiliation and wouldn't wish it on the worst of my tormentors. Including you. You're still my enemy right now, but EVEN ENEMIES CAN SHOW RESPECT" I replied calmly.

As I turned to leave he suddenly sat up on the bed again.

"Ruzca?" he called after me.

I turned back to him.

"Thank you for helping me. I'm sorry I wasn't an easy patient."

I nodded.

"Your welcome."

"And I'm sorry for being a difficult man in general. I'm not used to people being kind to me I suppose. And the truth is I'm so used to people using me simply for their own benefit that I've forgotten how to be nice."

I was once again taken aback at his complete sincerity and honesty.

He continued to gaze at me deeply for a moment in silence.

I quickly averted my eyes.

"Well, I should be getting back to work."

"Yes of course" Heim agreed politely.

I turned and left the room before another word could be said.

Wow this was a hard chapter to write! Please REVIEW and let me know what you think. God Bless :)