Chapter 19

Hey Everyone! Sorry for the delay! I just started working full time for the first time in my life so it's taken up a lot of my energy. I'd like to reassure everyone that no matter how long it takes me to update I WILL FINISH THIS STORY. I had someone mention last chapter that they were confused why I said Lilla would be celebrating Christmas when she is a Jew. The answer is that that is because she is Jewish BY ETHNICITY, but NOT BY RELIGION. Jews are what is referred to as an ethnoreligious group, meaning their both a religion as well as an ethnicity. The Nazi's were not concerned with Judaism as a religion but more as an ethnicity or what they might've called the Jewish race(even though Jews aren't a race but an ethnicity), because they were very into genetics. Jews who had converted to Christianity or atheism were still shipped off to the concentration camps because they were still considered Jews by the Nazi's because they retained their Jewish identity in their ethnicity, or in other words they were still Jewish by blood. Lilla and her family converted to Catholic Christianity in 1938 when she was thirteen before the war began which is mentioned in chapter 3. In fact many Jews also today will still call themselves Jewish even though they have converted to Christianity or atheism. So Lilla and her family actually would be celebrating Christmas because they are christian converts from Judaism. So she is CHRISTIAN BY RELIGION, BUT JEWISH BY ETHNICITY. Hope this helps and sorry if that was confusing for anyone. Reviews are welcome! God Bless :)
-Innocentia999

Lilla's POV:

When dusk began to settle upon the horizon, I was well enough to return to camp. Heim suggested that I stay another night just to be sure I'd recovered, but I wouldn't hear of it. I wanted space and time to think. I also wanted to check on Edith, hoping she wouldn't be too worried after my absence last night. So here I stood at the doorway, awaiting Volkenrath's terrible presence to escort me back to camp. Papa would work until slightly later when he would be accompanied back to the men's camp. When I finally caught site of her intimidating figure, I was confused to see two other female guards with her. I tried for a moment to remember their names. Ah yes, the taller blonde one to Volkenrath's right was named Elizabeth and the other slightly shorter brunette one on the left was Maria. Maria had a temper and cruelty to rival Volkenrath's, as I'd witnessed her handing out more than her fair share of lashings and beatings, not to mention absolute food deprivation when she was in a particularly sour mood. Elizabeth was less familiar to me. She didn't seem to be around much during roll call in the morning or evening and when she was she would get the prisoners in line as she was told but she'd never done anything physical, just merely loudly echoed the orders of the other guards like Volkenrath and Maria. I wasn't exactly sure what to make of her. Not that it mattered anyway. She was a Nazi and that was all there was to it.

When they finally reached me, a wicked grin spread across Volkenrath's face at the sight of me. She was obviously in a good mood, which I knew by now that that did not bode well for me or anybody else in camp.

"Maria wait outside for me. Eilzabeth escort the rat back to camp" she ordered. "I have to speak with Heim alone" she added, her grin getting even bigger if that was possible. I thought back to the last time where she had tried to touch him and how he reacted. Despite myself I found I disliked her constant disrespect of Heim's boundaries. Whatever his major faults, he certainly didn't deserve to have his feelings on such a personal matter disregarded. Besides he had saved my life last night, trekking though the woods in pounding rain to find me and then carried me all the way back. He'd made sure I was kept warm and comfortable and helped me through my panic attack. I knew in that moment what I had to do.

As Volkenrath made her way to the door, I swiftly stepped in front of her.

"What do you think you're doing Jew?!" she snarled. I started at her vicious tone, but held my ground.

"Officer Heim left orders for me to tell you he is working and is not to be disturbed."

Volkenrath raised her eyebrow.

"Oh he did did he? Well never mind I'm sure my presence will be a welcome surprise for him."

She tried to shove me aside, but I repelled her with my body, sending her staggering backwards one or two steps as I held firmly onto the door handle to keep the entrance barred.

Shock quickly replaced itself with rage upon Volkenrath's face.

"Officer Heim has given me my orders. He is not to be disturbed" I repeated.

A cruel smile spread across her face.

"So he has made you the unlucky messenger. You are at our mercy."

Before I could say anything she struck me squarely in my right eye with her fist. Before I could recover, Volkenrath and Maria dragged me to the back of the house. I struggled fiercely against them along the way, trying desperately to break free, but it was no use.

"Let go of me!" I practically shrieked, trying to dig my heels into the earth to prevent them taking me any further, until I felt a sharp kick to the back of my legs from Maria.

My legs collapsed under me as they practically lugged me along the ground the rest of the way.

When we reached the back of the house, I was dropped like a sack of potatoes into the dirt. I instinctively gripped the back of my head protectively as I received a sharp kick in my side.

I then felt the painful pressure of a boot being pushed full force upon me where my neck and back met.

I tried to wiggle out from underneath it but the boot only pressed harder, igniting a shock of pain up my neck.

"Do you smell the stench of that dirt Jew? That's all you are is dirt. And I want you to remember this the next time you think you will ever be anything more than just a dirty little sewer rat" Volkenrath sneered.

Thankfully, the pressure of the boot finally was removed, until a sharp tug on my hair came, and suddenly I was looking into Volkenrath's eyes.

"And if you tell Heim anything about this, I will let you watch as my dogs tear your little friend Edith to shreds. Understand?"

I could only nod my head.

She released me as I dropped my head back to the ground. My legs were so sore I could practically feel the bruises forming on them. I felt I could hardly move so I just lay there still upon the ground.

"Elizabeth, take this pitiful creature back to camp" Volkenrath ordered, giving me a painful kick in the shins for good measure.

"What about you?" she inquired.

"Maria and I are going to pick out perfumes and the finest dresses from the prisoners belonging's. Actually, Heim's orders give me more time to beat this rat and also look my best for him later tonight."

Disgust rose within me at her words. How dare she steal and deck herself in luxury while the rest of us live in filth and starve?!

I honestly in that moment wanted to slap her across the face.

"I shall see you later back at camp then" Elizabeth replied. Soon the echoes of Volkenrath's and Maria's footsteps faded away and I was left alone with Elizabeth.

"Get up" Elizabeth barked curtly.

"Leave me alone" came my only muffled reply.

"I said get up" she persisted, this time shoving the toe of her boot in my side, though it wasn't a kick of any sort.

"And I said leave me alone!" I shouted, suddenly lifting my face from the earth, though the rest of my body still remained on the ground. A fire had kindled inside of me, and ire filled me up to my core like a cauldron about to boil over. Elizabeth yanked me up by my now filthy prisoner's dress, but as soon as she'd brought me to my feet I shouted ""Let go of me!" To my surprise she released me and I turned to her, my vision practically blurring red due to fury.

"Who do you think you are doing this to me?!"

"Who do you think you are addressing a commanding Officer in such a manner" she replied, her voice remaining surprisingly even, yet firm and disciplined. "I could punish you for that you know."

"Do I look as if I care anymore?!"

"If your asking my opinion personally you look worse than a dog with mange" her even tone only served to irritate me even further.

Ire coursed through my body so thoroughly that I began to stomp past her.

"Where are you going?" she snapped, stepping in my path.

"Back to the house! I just remembered I forgot to rearrange Officer Heim's books the way he wanted and he'll beat me if I don't. And I'm sure you're well aware of what happens when someone gets in the way of his orders being fulfilled" I lied.

"You lecture me again like that Jew and I won't have any problem carrying out some orders of my own" she replied, dangerously low. "Now get out of my sight! If you're not back within a quarter of an hour I will personally make sure you are deprived of your evening meal."

I glowered at her but said nothing as I jogged back toward the house entrance. I barged through the door and immediately made my way to Heim's office hoping he would be there so I could warn him of Volkenrath's intent to come tonight. He wasn't there. I checked the kitchen. not there either. I bit my lip for a moment, trying quickly to decide on a course of action. It was then that I heard the echo of footsteps descending the stairs and and was partly relieved when I saw that Heim was the source of the sound.

"Heim" I hissed.

Heim turned to me. He'd reached the bottom of the staircase, his hand still upon the railing. He took one glance at me and his eyes widened.

"Lilla what-"

"I don't have time to explain. Please come with me."

I scurried towards his Office door and hurriedly gestured for him to follow me. His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion but he strode in with me nonetheless.

"Volkenrath is going to come tonight."

"How do you know this?"

"Because I heard her say so."

"When?"

I looked down, knowing if I told him about the beating Volkenrath found out she would most certainly carry out her threat.

"Please just trust me."

"Lilla look at me." I did so reluctantly.

"You have a black eye and bruises on your legs. Who did this to you?"

"No one. It was just an accident." It was a feeble lie and I knew it.

"Lilla, I've seen bruises like this on my mother millions of times in my life. Tell me the truth."

"Please just leave it alone" I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"No I will not leave it alone. I've left it alone over and over again with my mother, but I will not do so with you. Now I ask you again to tell me the truth." His voice remained serious and insistent.

I said nothing.

"She did this to you didn't she?" I still said nothing in reply.

"I knew it. She disobeyed my orders and for that she will be punished." He began to make his way to open the door.

"No wait, please listen to me" I blocked his path. "She told me that if I ever told you what she did that she would have her dogs rip Edith apart. So please do nothing."

"Why did she do it in the first place?"

I glanced toward the floor as I replied "She tried to come into the house to see you, but I blocked and told her you had given me orders that you were not to be disturbed."

He was silent for a moment.

"Why?" he finally inquired.

"Because despite your genocidal tendencies and major faults, I believe that no one should disrespect another person's boundaries about such a personal matter. Besides you did save me last night in the woods, so I decided to return the favor."

He remained silent once more.

"I feel I hate myself for it. I feel like a traitor, but I know its what the Lord wants of me. He has commanded us to love others as he has loved us."

"Lilla…"

"I mean what kind of woman does that make me?! You're a murderer! You took half my family from me!" I cried, my tears finally spilling out as I sank against the door, my legs pulled up in front of me so my knees were bent. I leant my head against the door and gazed away from him.

"I know I should hate you. I even wish sometimes that I could hate you. Yet, I can never bring myself to, my Lord has worked himself into my heart throughout my life too much for that. I can never bring myself too and I feel the deepest shame at it." I continued to let silent tears fall dow -n my face. Heim stood there for several seconds, seemingly unsure of what to do. I didn't expect his comfort anyway. He then slowly moved across the room and sat down beside me.

"So you took the beating so she wouldn't touch me" he said softly, gazing across the room. I didn't respond but continued to feel guilt and shame and confusion rip through my heart.

"No one has ever done that for me before." I glanced over at him in confusion.

He must've read the question in my eyes because he began to explain further.

"I've never had anyone make a true sacrifice like that. Knowing they would gain nothing but pain or loss from it and still stand up for me anyway."

"I thought you said Otto would protect you from the other boys at school."

"It's true he did, but there were other boys that helped him. He was also the fighting champion of the school and knew he could beat anyone. He never lost a single fight. I appreciated his protection very much it's true, but it didn't feel real because he knew he would always win in the end."

He glanced at me.

"But you, inexperienced and having suffered much worse than a beating and knowing that you would lose against Volkenrath and I suspect another one of her little friends, you stood up anyway."

"That's what courage is, standing up for what's right no matter how much you may lose" I replied.

He glanced away from my gaze, staring at the bookcase across the room again for a second, deep in thought.

"You may be a Jew Lilla, but you're a brave one."

This time I was the one to look away.

I cleared my throat.

"I have to go . Elizabeth said if I wasn't back in 15 minutes she'd punish me." I got up.

"Yes of course" he said calmly, getting up himself.

I opened the door and left, heading outside to Elizabeth so she could escort me back to camp.

*In case you guys were curious, these female SS Officers are based on real female guards from Auschwitz. Volkenrath is based upon the cruel and sadistic Irma Grese, aka to the prisoners as "The Hyena of Auschwitz."

Wow this was a hard chapter to write! PLEASE REVIEW and let me know what you think! God Bless!