Chapter 19 - Secrets Revealed

"I don't get it. He says he's sick, why don't you believe him?"

They were back in the common room. Sirius was pacing up and down furiously and Peter and James were sitting by the fire watching him, in Peter's case, a little anxiously.

"Because Pettigrew, he's lying." Sirius said, turning to glare at him. "I know what it's like to be lied to. All the signs are there. He's changing his story, he's not meeting our eyes. It's just not like Remus."

He sighed and came and sat down, looking almost disappointed at his friend's supposed deception.

"What shall we do?" Peter asked timidly.

"I think we need to be logical." James said, looking at Sirius. It wasn't typically like James to provide the logic for the group, but as Remus was in the hospital wing, Peter supposed someone had to. "We need to think this through. We can't just demand that he tells us what's happening. Sorry Black, but that's not fair."

Sirius groaned and ran his hands through his hair. "I know." He said. "It's just so damn frustrating. Why can't he just be honest with us?"

"It must be hard for him too." James said reasonably. "There must be a reason he's keeping secrets."

"Yes. He doesn't trust us."

"What should we do?" Peter asked. He found that he was compelled to speak out a bit more while Remus wasn't there. He was part of this group, and he would be part of helping their friend.

"We need to find out where he goes when he vanishes." James said. "It happens every month or so, doesn't it?"

"Which made sense when he was visiting his mum." Sirius agreed.

"But his mum's fine. So now he gets sick once a month? It can't be."

"Maybe we should follow him." Peter suggested, but he regretted it at once. It was a sneaky, ratty thing to do. The kind of thing Snape would do to them.

"I don't like it." James sighed. "But I think you're right. It's the only thing we can do. What do you think, Sirius?"

Sirius was staring into the fire again. "I don't like it either." He said. "I meant what I said. People shouldn't be forced to tell stuff they're not ready to tell. But…" He turned back to them and sighed. "I think it's best to know the truth."

"Even if it's bad?"

"Yes Pettigrew. Even then. When we know, we know what to do. And God knows I feel helpless right now."

And so, with the formations of a plan, they greeted Remus warmly when he left the hospital wing that night and chatted about nothing in particular over dinner and for the next few days. They gave their friend absolutely no reason to suspect they hadn't accepted his story about being unwell, and kept the pretence of normality up over the next few weeks.

One thing that had changed however, was that they weren't letting Remus out of their sight. As it came up to a month since his last disappearance, the three of them became even more vigilant. If Remus wanted to nip into the bathroom, they'd wait outside. If he needed to return a book to the library, they'd go with him.

One day, in the middle of October, he tried both these tricks, and when they still followed him, told them that actually he wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the hospital wing.

"Sorry to hear that mate, we'll go with you." Sirius said, giving the other two a significant look.

"You don't need to do that. I'll just see you at dinner if I'm better."

"Remus, we insist. Let's go."

And so the four of them made their way down to the hospital wing together. Peter couldn't help notice that Remus didn't look at all happy about this. He was sweating slightly and looked paler than usual.

"Remus dear!" Madam Pomfrey greeted him as they arrived. "Oh, you've brought your friends."

"Actually, we sort of insisted." Sirius admitted. "You don't mind, do you, if we stay and keep him company?"

Madam Pomfrey looked at Remus who was still very pale. "Actually yes, I do mind. Visiting hours are over."

Sirius looked at his watch. "But it's not even four."

"Don't argue with me. You can visit Remus tomorrow."

"Why tomorrow? You don't even know what's wrong with him yet."

"It's an assumption. Poor dear looks very unwell." She ushered Remus over to sit on a nearby bed.

"He was fine earlier."

"Must you be so argumentative?" Madam Pomfrey said, turning to frown at him.

"Only when I'm being lied to."

Madam Pomfrey opened her mouth to retort but Peter cut across her. "Sirius, I think we should go."

He'd been looking at Remus as he watched his friend and the matron and there was such a desperate, pleading look on his face that Peter had to speak out for him.

Sirius turned his fierce eyes to Peter instead and then looked over at Remus. The fight seemed to go out of him as he sighed. "Yeah alright." He said. "Feel better soon, eh?" And they left the hospital wing.

"Well, that went about as well as Snivellus Snape flying a broomstick." James said as they wandered back down the stone corridor that led to the entrance hall. "I don't get it. Why would she know she was keeping him overnight if she didn't even check him over first?"

"He doesn't stay overnight." Sirius said. "Last year I checked when he was meant to be in there and the hospital wing was empty."

"So then where does he go?"

"I think we all know the only way to find that out."

At Peter's insistence, they snuck down to the kitchens to nick some food and then went up to the dormitory for James' invisibility cloak. The hospital wing was on a quiet corridor on the first floor, so they could stakeout under the cloak with their feast without the risk of anyone walking into them.

Nothing happened for an hour or so, and then, just as Peter was about to suggest they all go back up to the common room (the floor was very uncomfortable), the door to the hospital wing opened, and out came Remus, accompanied by Madam Pomfrey.

The three of them scrambled to their feet and edged back against the wall as the pair passed. They waited until they turned a corner and then followed them.

"I knew there was something." Sirius hissed to Peter and James under the cloak as they tiptoed along the corridor. "Where do you reckon they're going?"

They'd soon find out.

Madam Pomfrey led Remus through the entrance hall, out of the wooden oak front doors, and across the deserted grounds.

Intrigued, the three of them followed. But their path was blocked by the whomping willow. Peter watched in amazement as Madam Pomfrey picked up a long stick and prodded something towards the trunk of the tree which caused its previously flailing branches to freeze in place.

"What the -"

They watched as the matron led Remus towards the tree and down what looked like a trap door in the ground.

"Shall we follow?"

"Not yet…"

And James was right, for moments later the matron was back. She froze the tree again and hurried away, back up to the castle, this time very much alone.

James looked at Sirius. Sirius looked at Peter. Peter looked at James.

"What on earth was all that about?"

The three of them moved to approach the whomping willow. They'd been warned many times by Dumbledore not to go near this tree. A boy called Davey Gudgeon had almost lost an eye in a game the students had played with it last year - trying to get close enough to touch the trunk. They knew it to be dangerous, but then how had Madam Pomfrey stopped its branches?

"She prodded something with this stick." James said, picking up the stick she had been holding and squinting over towards the base of the trunk.

"Oh give it here Potter." Sirius said, taking the stick from him impatiently. "With your eyesight you won't see a thing."

James and Peter watched as their friend ventured closer to the tree, ducking as a stray branch came flying towards him, and, exactly as Madam Pomfrey had, poked something at the base of the trunk, and the tree froze in place. "Bingo."

"How did you know where…?"

"Never mind that. Let's go. Quick!" And he ushered the others down to the trunk, James quickly folding his invisibility cloak and leaving it by the base as they descended through the trap door and into the dark tunnel below.

It smelt of earth and damp, and it was very low. They were still small enough to walk without having to stoop, but only just.

"Where do you reckon this leads to?" James asked as they walked, illuminating the path ahead with the light of their wands.

"No idea." Sirius said. "Maybe Hogsmeade?"

"What would Remus be doing in Hogsmeade?!"

"No idea. Isn't that why we're undertaking this very wet and dirty mission?" Sirius said, wiping his eyes as some loose earth fell from the ceiling.

"Er, we've reached a dead end."

They had indeed. They'd walked all the way to the end of the tunnel, and now found themselves facing a muddy wall.

"Hey, it's a trap door." James and Sirius were examining something in the ceiling. There was a little wooden hatch with a metal handle on it.

"He must be up there." Sirius said, and for the first time since Peter had known him, he sounded a bit unsure. "What shall we do?"

"What do you mean?" James asked, putting a hand on the bar. "We've come all this way. We're going to find out what exactly he's up to!"

But Peter could understand Sirius' hesitation. There was clearly something Remus was doing here, wherever 'here' was, that was very secret. So secret he hadn't told his three best friends about it, and even Madam Pomfrey was covering it up for him. Peter knew that once they discovered what it was there was no going back. Did he dare open the trap door?

James, apparently, did.

"Remus!" He called, ascending the little ladder that appeared as he opened the hatch and clambering up. "Remus, are you here?"

Sirius grabbed Peter's arm and the pair of them followed.

"Remus!" James called again, as the three of them found themselves in what could only be described as a little house.

"What is this place?" Sirius muttered, wandering around and examining it. "What happened to it?"

Peter could see what he meant. Though the place didn't seem particularly old, it had clearly been lived in. There were great chunks missing from the sofa and there was a leg missing from the wooden table. There was what looked horribly like blood splattered on the walls and ceiling and there were scratch marks on the wooden floor.

"I don't think we should be in here…" Peter began, but then there came the sound of footsteps on the floor above.

The three of them watched, transfixed, as Remus appeared on the staircase.

He was shaking and he looked as if he might pass out in fright. "What are you doing here?" He said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

"Remus!" James cried, running forwards and taking his arm. "What's going on? Why are you here? What's happening?"

But Remus shook his head. He looked quite petrified. "You - you can't be in here."

"I don't understand." James said. "What is this place? Why did Madam Pomfrey take you here?

"James." Remus said, and there was a fierceness in his voice Peter had never heard before. "You have to leave. Now."

James was looking at him with a mixture of hurt and bewilderment. "But… I don't understand."

"Oh my God."

Peter turned around. Sirius was standing stock still and staring at Remus as though he'd never seen him before.

"Oh my God." He said again, and now there was something else in his eyes. It was understanding.

"Sirius…" Remus began, his voice trembling.

"We've got to go." Sirius said, and his voice was frantic, desperate. "We've got to go, now!"

"But I don't get it - why…"

But Sirius grabbed James by the arm, and ran back towards the trap door that led down to the tunnel below. "Peter, come on!" He shouted, rushing down the ladder, pushing James and Peter ahead of him, and slamming the door shut behind them.

"Run. Now. Run!"

Peter did as Sirius said. They arrived moments later in the fresh air under the whomping willow, which James immobilised again with the stick.

Peter staggered to just beyond its reach and then collapsed in a heap on the grass, panting and clutching a stitch in his side.

He didn't understand. Why was Remus in that little house alone, why had he seemed so unhappy to see them and why had Sirius been so insistent that they leave him there? What was he doing there all alone?

Sirius was sitting up. He was staring up at the night sky above and that same look of recognition blazed in his grey eyes. "Of course." He whispered. "It's so obvious."

Peter didn't understand. What was obvious? Neither it seemed, did James.

"Black, what on earth is wrong with you. Why did we leave Remus in that place? What's going on?"

Sirius turned to them and he was smiling now. "James, Peter, don't you see? Remus is a werewolf."

There was a minute that seemed to last for an hour. Both Peter and James stared at him.

And then James' eyes grew round behind his glasses. "Missing once a month… changes in the bathroom… it's…" he looked up at the sky. "It's the full moon."

An old shiver ran down Peter's spine. No, this wasn't right. His friends had got this all terribly wrong.

"It's so obvious." Sirius said again. "And it makes sense why he wouldn't tell us too. Poor bloke must have been terrified we'd ditch him if we knew. He must have thought it would change things."

"What do you mean? It does change things!"

"Does it?" Sirius asked, frowning at James. "He's still the same bloke we've shared a dormitory with for over a year. The only difference is now we know the truth."

"It's a pretty big truth…"

"We can handle it." Sirius said, his gaze resolute. "What do you think Peter?"

Peter was staring at the moon. Sirius was right. It did all fit. And there was only one explanation. His friend, the boy who was so kind and helpful and understanding, was probably right this moment transforming into a savage monster. He gave an involuntary shudder.

"I want to go back up to the castle."

"Don't be a prat." Sirius said. "You saw the protection they'd given him. He won't be able to get you here."

Peter hated the way Sirius said 'he', like it was Remus his friend who could come bounding out from the whomping willow with his teeth bared and back arched and…

"Peter's right. Let's go inside." There was a chill in James' voice now and he was looking a little disturbed.

They got to their feet and made their way up towards the oak front doors.

They walked for a bit in silence and then James turned to Sirius.

"I don't understand how you think this doesn't change anything. It changes everything."

Sirius stopped walking. "What do you mean?"

"Well, he's been lying to us. He's been a werewolf this whole time. He's… he's dangerous! Dumbledore should have told us. Dumbledore should never have let him in the castle!"

Sirius was glaring at James with a ferocity Peter had never seen before. "Are you really going to go all prejudice on me now, Potter? I thought you were better than that."

"Well I don't understand you either!" James shot back. "Most wizards are terrified by werewolves. Why do you think they're classified as 'beasts' by the ministry? Or are you just doing this because you know it would madden your family to think you were friends with a half-breed?"

Sirius looked like he'd quite like to punch him. "No, James, actually I'm thinking for myself. And if you were any kind of decent mate you'd do the same. If you want to be a narrow-minded prat about it that's fine, but I'm sticking with my friend. And if you think he's too 'dangerous', feel free to sleep in the owlery from now on."

And he turned on his heel and marched up to the castle without them.

James turned helplessly to Peter. "What do you think?!"

Peter didn't know. Remus had been a good friend to him. Probably the best friend of them all. And if he'd been a werewolf all this time, did it really matter that he was one now? Peter supposed someone ought to have told them, but then he knew how hated werewolves were by wizarding society. Was it any wonder Remus kept it a secret?

"I suppose… I suppose he's not dangerous, is he? As they put him in that little house."

He thought back to the house, with its torn furniture and blood stained walls and a sudden realisation dawned on him too.

"James… Those scratch marks and that blood… I think that was him. I think it was Remus. He must have… The wolf must have bitten itself. That's why he bled. Because he was locked up."

"Well yes, I expect so."

"They lock him up so he can't hurt us. So he's not dangerous. But he just hurts himself instead. That's why he goes to the hospital wing, so he can be fixed up afterwards. It's... it's Remus."

Peter looked at James. James looked at Peter. And then something changed in his friend's hazel eyes and it was as though he was just seeing something for the first time.

"I'm a bloody idiot."

He sank onto the grass and put his head between his knees.

Peter knelt down beside him.

"You're right." James said, looking up to meet his eyes. "Of course you're right. Sirius is right. It's not Remus' fault. And now he's in there tearing himself to ribbons." He looked over in the direction of the whomping willow as if he wanted to run back over to it.

"It's ok." Peter said. "We'll find a way to help him."

"It's the least we can do."

They met Sirius up in the common room. His got to his feet, looking at them a little warily as they entered. "Are you -"

But he could say no more for James had walked towards him and pulled him into an embrace. "I'm sorry." He mumbled into his shoulder. "I'm an idiot."

"Well, you're less of one for knowing you are." Sirius told him and James grinned.

They stayed up late that night discussing Remus' condition, or as James began to coin it, his 'furry little problem'. Peter quite liked that. It sounded far easier to manage. Because Remus was still Remus, and the wolf was the wolf. Remus couldn't help being bitten, and Peter imagined he didn't want to be a werewolf anymore than anyone else wanted him to be one.

After just a few hours' sleep, they rose early and headed down to the hospital wing before breakfast. Though Peter wanted to protest, he knew this was more important.

Sirius led the way, bursting into the hospital wing and marching determinedly towards the little bed with the hangings around it.

Madam Pomfrey came hurrying out of her little office, but Sirius was too quick for her. He pulled aside the hangings surrounding Remus' bed and sat down.

"Excuse me!" Madam Pomfrey had caught up with him, hands on her hips and looking extremely cross. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"We know." Sirius said, not taking his eyes off Remus who, Peter could now see, was asleep.

The sight of his sleeping friend made his heart ache. Remus looked pale. There were dark shadows under his eyes and his hair was matted with blood. His arm was bandaged and his leg propped up.

"Remus." Sirius said, speaking gently and taking his friend's hand. "It's Sirius. You probably can't hear me, but I just want you to know… It's OK. We know about what you are and we don't mind. We're here for you and we're going to help you."

Peter heard a dry sob and turned around to see Madam Pomfrey clutching a handkerchief to her mouth.

Sirius turned to her. "Is he OK? What happened?"

Madam Pomfrey looked like she didn't know what to say. "It… it was a bad one this month. He's lost a lot of blood. Broken more bones than usual."

"That figures." Sirius said, turning back to him. "Remus, I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have frightened you like that. It was just a shock. But we don't care, I promise we don't."

James approached the bed as well. "He's right." He said, taking Remus' other hand. "What other people say isn't true. We don't care about any of that and we'll fight it with you. We like you just the way you are."

Tears were now rolling down Madam Pomfrey's cheeks. Peter approached the bed as well. "It's me, Remus… Peter… If you can hear me… I agree with James and Sirius. You're a good friend, you're still Remus to me."

Madam Pomfrey moved over to the bed. She brushed a gentle hand over James' head as she passed and then moved to stroke Remus' hair too. "Remus dear? I think you might like to be awake for this…" And she pressed her wand gently to his temple.

Peter watched as Remus slowly blinked open his eyes. He noticed them widen with panic as he saw his friends gathered around him, and then, as Sirius and James smiled at him, he closed them again.

Peter thought for a minute that he'd gone back to sleep, but then his shoulders began to shake, his whole face screwed up and tears began to leak from beneath his closed eyelids.

"Remus!" James cried. "Remus, it's OK! Don't cry. Really, it's OK. We're here for you."

Remus opened his eyes. They were filled with tears. He looked at James, he looked at Sirius, he looked at Peter and began to cry again.

"I'm… I'm sorry." He choked through his sobs.

"What are you sorry for?" Sirius asked bewildered. "It's not your fault! I'm sorry it took us so bloody long to find out and you had to keep hiding from us, it must have been exhausting. But we know now, and you don't have to hide anymore. I swear Remus, we like you just as much as we ever did. Hell, I'd say I even like you more!"

"It… it doesn't change things?" Remus said, his voice cracked. "Because... I can sleep in the owlery. I really don't mind. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"No one's sleeping in the owlery." James said firmly. "Black's right. It changes nothing." He squeezed Remus' hand and Peter saw Remus' fingers tightened around it. It looked as if he never wanted to let go.

"Now boys," Madam Pomfrey said, interjecting at last. "I am very glad you've all had the good sense enough to see Remus', er, condition for what it is, but I have to let you know I need to tell Professor Dumbledore about this. And I think it's probably best if you wait here while I do. Remus dear, will you be alright for a minute?"

Remus nodded, and Madam Pomfrey hurried out of the hospital wing.

"I'm glad she's kind to you." Sirius said, watching her leave. "I know not everyone would be."

Remus shook his head. "Not everyone understands."

"But we do." James said. "Remus, I promise we understand."

Remus looked at them again, and Peter saw in something change in his friend's brown eyes. It was as though just as they were seeing him for the first time, so too was he seeing them.

He smiled at them. "Thank you." Was all he said.

...

A/N: I hope you like my interpretation of how the boys find out about Remus' 'furry little problem'. I know there are a number of ways it's been done, but this is where the muse took me. If you do, please let me know. Feedback is SO welcome!