Billy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Anon: What the hell is wrong with you?
Billy: Oh I dunno, maybe the fact that we're A FEW WEEKS BEHIND SCHEDULE?!
Anon: Not my fault you're that lazy
Billy: LAZY?! I was BUSY, they're different things!
Anon: Uh huh, sure let's call it that
Billy: ANYWAYS, for all you juggalos that we're waiting patiently-
Anon: Or impatiently
Billy: Shut up. For the people that we're waiting for another chapter, sorry for taking too long, school has been bogging down at us-
Anon: Bogging YOU down, I'm doing college work and writing my own shit
Billy: Right. So anyways we've been reading the reviews and suffice to say, some were pleased, by last chapter (I think)
Anon: While others, were not as pleased
Billy: And while yes, we'll tone down on our chatter and shit, we're not just gonna be a pair of cardboard cutouts answering questions and providing info, we're gonna answer questions and provide info IN OUR OWN, WACKY WAY
Anon: So yes, we saw one review calling us as... things, and unless this is some sarcastic, light hearted comment, no we're not gonna have an unecessary harem
Billy: In fact, we hate unecessary harems, it doesn't give way for other ships to form and honestly it's sad for the other guys
Anon: So yeah, for things like character development and smut, the former is gradual as the chapters progress and the latter is just not gonna be here, the M rating for the language and not because there's gonna be any cock suckling, clitoris licking bullshit that'll ensue, I'll leave that shit to Billy
Billy: WHY ME?!
Anon: Why not? Also you practically live here while my domain is over on Wattpad, but anyways, we're prolonging this Author's Note to the point that we're gonna get some complaints again
Billy: Right, anyways enjoy!
Disclaimer: The two juggalos known as Billy Bombastic and AnonNoir do not in fact own RWBY, if they did, this fanfiction would've been considered canon. RWBY in fact belongs to RoosterTeeth and the late Monty Oum (RIP).
Also Comedy Central, in addition to Key and Peele, own "Obama's Anger Translator" (All the parts).
[Badass Linebreak]
Considering the past few weeks that came by, we'll just have to say, FUCK IT, the past few weeks were merely a day in the Theater of the Dunderhead Twins.
"SHUT UP." Speaking of. It was then Teams RWBY and JNPR have awoken from their apparent slumber.
(Wait a minute, this script doesn't say anything about them sleeping somewhere, does it?! It's called continuity. And yes readers, this is the new format of how we blatantly and indiscriminately interrupt our own chapters for the sake of explaining plot holes or just fucking around, if you wanna go for a more serious reactfic, leave now, otherwise enjoy the shitshow.)
"Wait, where exactly have we been sleeping?" Ruby yawned out.
"The seats double as sleeping pods," Billy explained, gesturing to their seats, which became sleeping pods, "As we've yet to materialize your living quarters."
"Can't you just, I don't know, teleport our dorm rooms here?" Yang suggested.
"Well that would just be asking for the timeline to be screwed up even further." Anon deadpanned, making the blonde chuckle sheepishly.
"BUT ANYWAYS." Billy snapped his fingers, making the pods transform back into Theater seats, the bomb-headed butler then check his pocket watch only to gasp, "We are seriously behind schedule now, we need to gather as much Multiranium as possible if we're gonna need to find Mrs. Rose."
This made Ruby's eyes widen, "F-find Mom?" She asked.
"We're not gonna explain two courses worth of Calculus and Trigonometry for the logic of how exactly are we gonna find your mother, Miss Rose. But in short terms, leave it to the professionals." Anon explained, pulling out a black Desert Eagle with gold engravings as he aimed the hand cannon towards the Theater doors.
This made the audience tense up, but not before the doors open up, revealing an Alpha Beowolf snarling, which earned frightened and surprised looks from the guests.
"A beowolf?!" Ruby exclaimed.
"What is an Alpha doing here?!" Weiss asked, looking at the armed host.
Anon said nothing, as the Beowolf charged towards the host, before it could land a hit, Anon pulled the trigger as a very loud gunshot reverberated across the Theater, making the guests cover their ears.
The Grimm fell with a thud and a large gunshot hole was on its head as it faded into nothingness.
Anon blew the barrel on his gun as Ruby raced over to him, stars in her eyes as she started rambling incoherent gun chatter before she was pulled back by her partner.
"What is that...?" Ruby simply asked, awed by the hand cannon.
"The Desert Eagle, bullet caliber: .50 Action Express." Anon replied with a smirk.
"ANYWAYS." Billy cleared his throat, "We've yet to show you ladies and gentlemen the second viewing."
"Is it gonna be like the last one." Jaune asked, still remembering his father's death from the last universe.
"No, like I said, it's gonna be a light-hearted universe." Billy said, "And speaking of which, what was a Grimm doing here?" The host asked his twin.
"Not sure, but I think we might-" An alarm cut him off followed by a red light appeared on the screen. "-find out." Anon finished with a sigh as he turned towards his twin.
"I'll go attend to our new set of guests." Anon said before turning to the audience, "Billy here will take care of you guys, I'll go see the next set of unfortunate victims." He told them before he walked off towards the backstage.
"U-unfortunate...?" Ruby squeaked out, somewhat scared of what the host said, clinging on to her partner in fear, making the snow-haired huntress-in-training turn blue out of a lack of oxygen.
"I can assure you, he has a very morbid sense of humor." Billy said as he snapped his fingers as the lights in the Theater dimmed and the screen turned on as Yang's emblem was shown.
"Oh? Well, this viewing's gonna start with a Yang." Yang punned, much to the chagrin of the others present.
The screen opened to the emblem of Beacon Academy with the title situated below, it reads: "Ozpin's Anger Translator".
"'Anger Translator'?" Nora confusingly asked.
"It's what the job description says, though keep watching to see what I mean." Billy replied.
"Good evening my fellow Valeans." Ozpin began, sitting in his desk, coffee in hand as usual. "Now, before I begin, I just want to say that I know a lot of people, especially my students, seem to think that I don't get angry."
"Come to think of it, he doesn't strike me as someone who gets easily irritated." Weiss admitted.
"With all that coffee he's drinking? I'm surprised he doesn't speak as fast as Doctor Oobleck." Jaune said.
"A rather astute observation, Mr. Arc, but the coffee is mostly to keep me awake." Well speak of the devil, the blonde's breath hitched at the voice of the headmaster.
Both teams turned to see Ozpin, Glynda Goodwitch, along with James Ironwood and Specialist Winter Schnee.
(No Qrow or Tai? Be patient.)
"Professors?!" "Sister!" The Beacon students shouted in surprise as Anon walked to his brother with a sigh.
"Well, what's gotten in to you, bro dearest?" Billy asked.
"Well, I've managed to put them up to speed, but the General was somewhat of a challenge to convince." Anon replied with a slight frown in annoyance.
"You know the good General, paranoid and all that." Billy muttered before turning to the new guests, "WELCOME NEW GUESTS, I'm sure my brother here has told you of the gist of things?"
"It was hard to believe at first, but I am willing to give the both of you the benefit of the doubt seeing as my students aren't harmed." Glynda sternly replied, pushing her glasses up.
"I concur, Glynda." Ozpin piped in, "And I've yet to see what the Multiverse has in store if this is to save our own world."
James nodded in agreement as Winter sat beside Weiss after reconnecting with the younger Schnee.
(I'm surprised Winter hasn't said a thing yet. Well I'm sure everyone knows the usual shit with the sisters in these fics. Ain't that just lazy writing? To quote a certain Japanese "philosopher", "Efficiency is just clever laziness". Uh huh, sure.)
"Oh trust me, you will not be disappointed." Billy assured, "Besides, look who's on right now!" He pointed to the screen.
"Sir, that's..!" Glynda said, shocked.
"I know Glynda." Ozpin calmy replied, sipping his coffee with widened eyes.
"That's just not true, for I get angry a lot." Ozpin continued, "It's just that the way I express passion is different from most." He explained.
"Wait, if this universe is about Yang, where is she?" Ruby asked, realizing she hasn't seen her sister within the first few minutes of the viewing, her sister wondered as well.
"Hold up, don't tell me she's...!" Nora was visibly shaking with anticipation, hoping she makes the right guess as Ren chuckled, seemingly knowing the answer too.
The camera zoomed out from Ozpin's desk enough to reveal Yang in a suit with her hands crossed on her stomach with an overly serious look.
The reveal made Nora and Jaune bust a gut as RWB laughed in amusement, Ruby being the loudest and the Monochrome pair merely chuckling as Yang was silent in shock.
(Excuse me, but "Monochrome pair"? Weiss and Blake, white and black. Oh.)
"I knew it!" Nora yelled out in triumph.
"Miss Valkyrie, inside voice please." Glynda reprimanded before Ozpin intervened.
"Glynda please, let the children have their fun, this can double as a sort of break from all the fuss." He explained as the blonde sighed and crossed her arms.
"Just so there's no more confusion, we've asked Miss Xiao Long here to be my anger translator, Miss Xiao Long?" Ozpin said.
"Hi." Yang said in an overly serious voice.
""Hi."" Ruby imitated before cracking up, clutching her sides laughing before being caught in a headlock by her sister.
"Hey, no making fun of the job." Yang jokingly chided before releasing her younger sibling, "Besides, I've yet to see how I do." She added.
"First off, concerning the recent dust robberies happening around Vale, I would like to reiterate Beacon's unflinching support for all of the victims of these robberies and their right for justice to be served." Ozpin said.
"Hey, all of you criminals out there?! Keep messing around and see what happens, JUST SEE WHAT HAPPENS. WATCH!" Yang translated, pointing at the camera with an angry look.
"Also, to the government of Atlas, I once again urge you to discontinue both your mistreatment of the SDC Faunus workers and of your nuclear dust enrichment program." Ozpin said.
"Hey Jacque-ass, Ironwood! I think I already told the both of you, 86 your shit, bitches. Or I'm coming over there, AND DO IT FOR YOU!" Yang pointedly yelled at the camera with her eyes red, "PLEASE TEST ME, and see what happens! Oh and Jimmy boy? No hard feelings but AREN'T YOUR TOYS ENOUGH FOR YOU?!" She asked with arms wide in exasperation before stepping back.
Blake was both surprised and somewhat happy of what the alternate version of the Headmaster said, specifically at the mention of the SDC CEO. Both Schnee sisters were equally shocked as well.
"Ozpin, you can't exactly blame me for the nuclear dust," James grumbled. "It was the Council's decision-"
"You hold two Council seats, old friend. Two." Ozpin interrupted, which earned him a sigh from the General as the latter considered the thought.
(HANG ON A SECOND, NUCLEAR DUST?! Well there's gotta be some form of a superweapon.)
"Back to the domestic front, I just want to say to my critics, I hear your voices, and I'm aware of your concerns." Ozpin said, sipping his coffee.
"SO MAYBE IF YOU COULD CHILL THE HELL OUT FOR A SECOND, THEN MAYBE I CAN FOCUS ON SOME SHIT, you know?!" Yang translated, pointing both fingers to her temples in emphasis.
"That goes for everybody, including my other fellow members of the Vale Council."
"OOH, AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THESE MOTHERFUCKERS, RIGHT HERE!" Yang said, her voice trailing as she walked off camera towards the left in rage.
"I want to assure you that we, the Council, will be looking for new compromises in the months ahead." Ozpin assured, pushing his glasses up.
"And you know these motherfuckers are gonna no before I even suggest some shit!" Yang said, walking the opposite direction from behind Ozpin, throwing her arms in irritation.
Both teams chuckled at the blonde's ranting.
"I know a lot of the folks say that I, out of the many Councilmen, have not done a good job at communicating my accomplishments to the public."
"BECAUSE ALL YOU MOTERFUCKERS DON'T LISTEN." Yang appeared in front of the camera with a humorless smile before going back down.
The sudden appearance surprised the audience.
"Since earning the seat at the council, I've helped create more than 1 million new jobs." Ozpin boasted.
"1. Million. New. Jobs!" Yang said walking from the left and moving her head from one side of Ozpin's chair to the other with each word said.
"We ended the war in Mountain Glenn." The silver-haired headmaster continued.
"Ended a war, y'all." Yang pointed towards the camera again, "We ended a war! Remember that?!"
"There was a war in Mountain Glenn?" Ruby asked, surprised and confused that she hasn't heard of this.
"In their universe, Mountain Glenn fell by a large force of Valean bandits, but not before it was taken back by Vale, currently they're the top tourist spot in the whole Kingdom." Anon explained.
"Woah." Ruby said in awe at the thought.
"These achievements should serve as a reminder, that I am on your side." Ozpin reassured, as Yang pulled out a megaphone from somewhere.
"I. AM NOT. A TERRORIST." Yang spoke into the megaphone before tossing off to the side.
Blake gave a slight glare at her partner, who chuckled embarrasingly.
"Uh, other me?" She whispered, which made the cat faunus roll her eyes but gave the blonde a narrowed glance.
"And that, my intentions as both Headmaster of Beacon Academy and as your Councilman are coming from the right place." As Ozpin said this, Yang then slowly walked towards the camera with her translation.
"They're coming from BEACON, which is where I'm FROM, which is in the Kingdom of VALE, guys. Ok? This is RIDICULOUS!" She yelled while quickly running a hand through her blonde hair as she continued.
"This is RIDICULOUS! I HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE! I HAVE A BIRTH CERTIFICATE!" The blonde repeated, slowly walking backwards.
The teams laughed once more.
""I have a birth certificate!" Pfft!" Nora mimicked before laughing once more.
"Ok, I'll admit, that was a bit funny." Yang chuckled.
"I HAVE A HOT. DIGGITY-DAGGETY." She ranted, jumping up and down, "MAMA-SAY, MAMA-SA BIRTH CERTIFICATE, YOU DUMBASS CRACKERS!" She pointed at the camera once more, her hair glowing and eyes still red in anger.
"D-dumb... what?!" Ruby couldn't breathe, taking in what her elder sister said as she rolled on the ground laughing.
"C-crackers!" Nora joined the reaper in a laughing fit.
Yang was about to ramble on more but Ozpin cleared his throat, causing her to turn back to the Headmaster, her hair and eyes back to normal.
"Miss Xiao Long, rope it in." Ozpin chided.
"Oh sorry." Yang apologized as she pointed at herself muttering, "Yeah, dial it back, Yang, damn." She then turned her back to calm herself as Ozpin concluded.
"In conclusion, the other day I had a conversation with my Deputy Headmistress, Glynda Goodwitch-"
"I says, "Bitch"." Yang cut Ozpin off, turning back around, which made Ozpin's eyes widen before turning to the blonde.
"Miss Xiao Long!" He reprimanded as he turned back to the camera, "I did not say that. No, I did not say that-" The camera then statics as some ruckus was heard, likely Ozpin was getting beat by Glynda
Needless to say, the same could be said for the Ozpin in the audience.
[Super Badass Linebreak]
Billy: Wait, that was it?!
Anon: You got midterms tomorrow
Billy: FUCK MIDTERMS!
Anon: Uh huh. But anyways, we hope you enjoyed this chapter, once again we apologize if this took long to upload as I was helping this idiot study for his midterms which was tomorrow and we were planning on uploading one more chapter before then, which is this one
Billy: Yeah, oh and before we leave you, someone, just so happened to have dropped a goddamn binder worth of content for our fanfiction, so we're sorry to say this, but requests are closed.
Anon: I know it's a bit too early to close requests and we hope you understand. As what Billy said, a close friend of ours collected a compilation of content for future chapters, needless to say they are many
Billy: Once again, we're very sorry, you all had good requests, you really did but unfortunately someone had too many for us to count.
Anon: Indeed, but we hope you enjoyed this chapter, please Read and Review
Billy: Favorite and Follow
Anon: Stay Cool and Anonymous
Billy: AND STAY BOMBASTIC