CHAPTER 2: WMHS Sophomore year. Part I

Help, help, I'm drowning
In the sea where I found you
The kerosene in your skin...
The chemistry that I'm bound to

I didn't know it yet, but this was going to be an important year - a year that would change my life forever.

. . . . .

THE CHALLENGES OF POPULARITY.

Wow, tenth grade is already off to a great start. Me and Puck actually made both the baseball and football teams last year, so we're doing both again this year. And also, this year Coach Tanaka says I'm good enough to be the starting quarterback! Even though our team kinda sucks, we don't win like, ever.. But it still feels great to be the quarterback!`

And now that I'm 16 and have my driver's license, maybe I can finally ask Quinn out on a proper date and be like, a real gentleman and pick her up and stuff.

Quinn Fabray is like, the HOTTEST most popular girl in school. That's what Puck says anyway. She's the captain of the Cheerios (that's our cheerleading squad), and she's been flirting with me a lot lately, especially since I made captain of the football team. Yeah that's right, captain AND quarterback - this is gonna be a GREAT year for Finn Hudson! Also I made the basketball team too. At least my height is good for something?

. . . . .

Tenth grade is so much different than ninth grade. It's like we all sorta grew up overnight - or well, over the summer anyway - and some kids are like, practically adults already. I guess that means life is just getting more complicated as we're getting closer to being actual adults. There's some stuff that just seems way more complicated this year than last year already, especially things like popularity and peer pressure.

Being a jock makes me like, automatically part of the popular crowd I guess, which is mostly pretty cool. But with all these sports clubs and popular guys I'm hanging around with, they think they're better than everyone else in the school. Sometimes they wanna pull pranks and pick on the loner kids and the less popular kids. I really hate seeing it happen. I've never been that guy who teases other kids or whatever. My mom would be so totally pissed at me if I like, slammed a kid into the lockers or threw someone in a dumpster. But Puck says it's the natural order of things and we're expected to prove that we're the coolest; it's all about maintaining our reps. Whatever.

As an example to try to explain what I mean… There's this skinny guy that dresses weird. I think he might be gay, I'm not positive but he seems to like a lot of things that most girls do, like fashion and hair and stuff, and sometimes he even acts and dresses like them a little? (I'm almost positive he wore an ACTUAL skirt to school one day.) Whatever. Anyway, I mean I don't care if he's gay, but the guys on the team are just all about harassing him now, probably because he's so different. Maybe they feel threatened, like he's gonna hit on them or something (which is pretty stupid to think, because why would he?). SO they choose to throw him in the dumpster everyday now. And I know he has some really expensive designer stuff (cuz he keeps saying so), so I figured maybe I can at least give him a chance to try and save some of his clothes, even if I can't speak up to my friends to stop them from tossing him in the dumpster to begin with. I really want to speak up, but I never do. I feel totally guilty about that, but I don't wanna get myself tossed in the dumpster too… Plus now that I'm like, the leader of the football team, I kinda have no choice in a way. I guess unfortunately, sometimes you just have to go along to get along. Being popular can be super complicated.

What I think I hate the most though is the slushie thing.

Last year the parents of one of the guys from the football team donated a slushie maker machine to the school. That sounded really awesome at first because I really like slushies, especially the blue ones. Well, that was until one day one of the guys on the team, Azimio, was throwing his half full slushie in the trash can in the cafeteria and it kinda splashed all over a kid that was walking close by. When the guys saw the kids' reaction they thought it was hilarious. So now the latest way the jocks assert their domination and increase their coolness factor is by throwing FULL slushies at the uncool kids. There's actually a secret score sheet and a points system the guys keep hidden - I have no idea what the winner gets though, I never asked.

Well anyway, I've seen it happen so many times and I look at the poor kid who's wearing the slushie and I feel horrible for them. Especially the girls - I REALLY try to discourage the guys from throwing them at girls because, seriously that's just WRONG! But honestly the whole slushie thing just brings back bad memories for me…

When me and Puck were little kids, one winter we were sled riding in the park. There's a small pond at the bottom of one of the bigger hills, and we'd had a sudden big snowstorm the night before. So we really didn't notice that the pond's edge was there, and it wasn't exactly frozen enough to be super thick ice, and well, I went down the hill first and ended up in the pond. Thank goodness Puck was with me and able to pull me out - but I'll NEVER forget what that felt like. A million zillion stabby little sharp pains all over. You think of ice and you think COLD, but it's more like knives and razors and a burning feeling. Now imagine having that feeling hit your face and drip all through your clothes and the stickiness of the sugar and the burning in your eyes and stains from the color of the slushie. It's just awful to witness, not to mention the humiliation the kid must feel because it's happening in front of everyone. I try not to be around when they get the bright idea to throw a slushie at anyone. I desperately want to tell them to knock it off, but that almost certainly would mean I'D be wearing a slushie, which would totally re-traumatize me. I don't understand why the teachers never say anything about it. Surely the janitor must complain about all the spilled slushie messes he has to clean up?

. . . . .

GIRL TROUBLE.

Quinn's been acting kinda weird lately. She invites me to come over and lets us make-out if her parents aren't home, but then she completely freezes me out the minute it's just starting to get good! Sometimes she wants to stop and PRAY, which is so totally NOT hot at all, but I guess that's her point? Then she comes into school and says really mean things about people who aren't cool or popular. I've seen her and some of her Cheerio friends (including Santana) sitting around her laptop laughing at something online and I guess posting nasty comments on somebody's MySpace page, but I never ask what she's up to because I don't wanna get yelled at. And anyway, Quinn is kinda like Puck because she says they are expected to be mean to keep their reps up. Girls are seriously crazy sometimes.

All of us are in Quinn's celibacy club - me, Puck and Santana (and yeah, that's HILARIOUS because absolutely NO WAY are they celibate!), along with some of the other guys from the team and other Cheerios - which is also really weird because I'm pretty sure almost none of them are celibate… But at the same time, I know this club is important to Quinn and I wanna be a good boyfriend and support the things she is interested in. Plus if she sees I do the things she likes, she might let me cop a feel or make it to 2nd base someday soon. ;)

The thing about Quinn, she's super worried about popularity and status. Every time we start talking about something I LIKE or am interested in, she just always puts it down and goes back to talking about stuff like prom plans, even though that's not until next year, but she says we have to plan early and start 'laying the social groundwork' now to be sure we win next year. I really don't care much about winning prom royalty stuff, I think it's more of just a chick thing - but again, if it makes her happy then I can try to be a good boyfriend and go along with her. Still, just once I'd like to be able for us to go on a date and do something I like doing, or watch a movie that I choose instead of her always deciding everything for us.

. . . . .

I passed that short girl in the miniskirt in the hallway one afternoon. Something about her looked different today. She changed her hair maybe? She's kinda cute, in a sneaky way. You gotta pay attention to notice it. But anyway I thought our hands brushed together when she was passing by me and it kinda shocked me, like electricity or something. It was so weird but it totally got my attention. Then I thought she looked at me, but when I turned around to look at her she was already down the hallway and disappeared in the ocean of kids. I'll say this much, for someone so little she moves REALLY fast! I couldn't help thinking she'd make a great wide receiver or something on the team.. haha.

. . . . .

AN UNEXPECTED TURN OF EVENTS.

One day I just finished showering after football practice and something totally unexpected and shocking happened. My Spanish teacher Mr. Schuester found me while I was finishing getting dressed in the locker room and called me to his office by the music room. I can only guess Puck or one of the guys from the team played a prank on me, but Mr. Schue says he found a bunch of POT in my locker during a bi-weekly mandatory search (which I didn't even know was a thing) - but I definitely DON'T use drugs! My mom would totally KILL me! And I mean I'd be kicked off the football team for Pete's sake! I tried to tell him that, and I even offered to be tested but he said even if it wasn't in my system it WAS still found in MY locker, and something about possession matters so I was guilty no matter what. I guessed maybe it was Puck's stash, but I couldn't tell Mr. Schue that since I didn't wanna get Puck in trouble, or any of the other guys on the team either, if it was one of them.

Well, then Mr. Schue freaked me out BAD when he said I could even go to jail! So he gave me 2 choices, either suffer the consequences and have a permanent mark on my record AND get detention for like, FOREVER, or, I could join the Glee Club. That was sort of an odd set of choices now that I think about it, although it was pretty obvious which one I'd choose… and to be honest I really didn't even know we had a Glee Club. Although, I did hear some really incredible singing coming out of that music room a couple times when I walked past the doorway, but I couldn't ever see who it was. It was a girl's voice, and it was so good I assumed it was a recording or something. Whoever it was sounded incredible though.

Also I have to say, it turns out Mr. Schue is such a really COOL teacher. I'm in his Spanish class so I already kinda know him, but I really didn't know him very well until now. He said some pretty personal stuff to me that just hit home with me, when he coulda just sorta ruined my whole life. Instead, he said he's worried about my future and he saw himself in me, which was really unexpected to hear from him. For a kid who grew up without a dad, it was so nice to have an adult dude pay attention and say something that was kind of inspiring or motivating or whatever.

I think I really like Mr. Schue. I mean, he coulda just told Figgins about the drugs and left everything up to him, and I'd probably be expelled or something. But he's trying to look out for me, and maybe even become a mentor - which is something I've honestly secretly wished I had for a long time; that is, someone other than Puck. I just didn't realize how important it was to me to have a positive guy role model like him until now. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and everything, and I know she tries hard and means well, but it's just NOT the same thing as talking to like a dad. There's some things a guy just can't tell his mom about, y'know?

Anyway, Mr. Schue seems super happy that I chose Glee club. He tells me they meet three times a week at 3:30 in the choir room - OH yeah, that's the actual name of the music room! It took me a minute to figure that out. But then he adds, their next meeting would be in two days and it would actually be in the auditorium on the stage. Then he tells me I have to sing.. like actually sing ALONE in front of the whole group! Now I'm just totally freaking out. I've never sung in front of other people… only in the shower, and like, mowing the grass with headphones on, and maybe in front of mom a few times - but that was in the car and we were singing along to the radio together. But singing in front of strangers or other kids, and on a STAGE? It was really an intimidating scary idea at first, then I realized it was NOT as scary as the thought of mom's face if Mr. Schue told her about the drugs in my locker. I wanted to kill Puck. So yeah I decided to just man-up and sing, and hope I don't suck too bad. I mean, what's the worst that can happen? I do love music, and who knows maybe I can play my drums at some point too. That could be cool.

Thankfully Mr. Schue gave me a heads-up what song I would be singing at my first club rehearsal. It was a song from that really old movie Grease, which had totally hot babes and cool cars in it. I kinda dig that movie, so it didn't sound so bad, at least I sorta know some of the songs! I was actually kinda excited at the idea of singing like Greased Lightning or something, until he told me which song I had to sing, then I started freaking out again… You're The One That I Want - a DUET? I mean I don't even know who's in the club yet, so I have no idea who'd I'd have to embarrass myself in front of.

I remember that song in the movie, it's in the scene at the end when that blonde babe got all SMOKIN' hot in her super tight black cat suit, but she didn't start out that way… See, John Travolta was totally in love with her and acting like a simp over her through the whole movie, but he was like the LEADER of the greasers and had an image to worry about. The blonde chick, she was the new girl at school that year but wasn't like, from his crowd. She didn't talk the same or act the same or dress the same as the other girls he hung around with (I think maybe that was the thing he actually liked about her). So he's trying to keep his coolness factor and popularity, but he's also still falling for this classy really cute non-cool chick who his friends didn't especially approve of. He was worried about losing his rep. I kinda understand his dilemma there; he wants something his friends don't approve of or think is cool, and if he doesn't do what they want him to do, he's afraid of losing his friends - or worse - his friends could turn on him and treat him the way they treat everyone else. Yeah, safe to say I totally relate to John Travolta.

Anyway, Mr. Schue gave me the sheet music and the lyrics to take home to study, since it was going to be my first day and all. I tried to sing it at home in the shower and again in front of my mirror. I don't know, I think I sounded ok? But was it gonna be good enough compared to everyone else in the club? Oh man… what did I get myself into.

. . . . .

BECOMING GLEEFUL.

My first day of Glee was NERVE WRACKING. I was more nervous about that than football tryouts. That is, until I learned something… that tiny little girl in the short skirts is in Glee too! Her name is Rachel. Rachel Berry. Imagine my shock when it turns out she's REALLY kinda scary in Glee! Like super intense. And she talks a lot. No, I mean A LOT, and like, super fast. I can't even understand half of what she's saying… She uses all these big words with a lot of syllables in them. When I think about the couple times in the hallway when she just stared at me and didn't speak, I kinda have to laugh now. Maybe she uses so many words in Glee, she just doesn't have any left for the rest of the day? :) Anyway, this duet I have to sing is with HER as the female lead. Granted, I only just 'officially' met the girl, but I just couldn't imagine her playing the part of the blonde hottie from the movie. I guess we'll see….

My very first time meeting the whole rest of the club was sooo awkward. When I walked into the auditorium and Mr. Schue introduced me they all just stared at me and started whispering to each other. I kinda didn't think I wanted to be there at all, and if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't want detention forever I probably wouldn't have been. I just felt totally awkward, that is until Rachel smiled at me and shook my hand to introduce herself. I swear I felt a shock again. But I figured if Rachel was happy that I was there then maybe things would work out, maybe it wouldn't be so weird.

Then I figured maybe it was a good thing I didn't know anyone in the club - not that there were that many members, but I sort of hoped maybe they didn't really know me either. Umm.. I guess that was totally wishful thinking and I kinda forgot what being the quarterback meant for a minute. OF COURSE they knew who I was. I'd seen the wheelchair kid around school, his name is Artie Abrams. And I also recognized the skinny possibly gay dumpster kid immediately - yeah TOTALLY awkward situation there. At least now I know his name is Kurt Hummel. He just glared at me like I was gonna steal his favorite designer bag or something. Then there were two girls I'd never seen before. One of them had blue streaks in her hair and dressed a little like a rock star vampire, but I thought her fishnet stockings and combat boots looked pretty boss. Her name is Tina something Chang. She seemed nice but she's super quiet (weird for someone in a singing club?). The other girl just stared at me. Like STARED at me like I was a freak with two heads or like she had x-ray vision and was trying to set me on fire or something. It made me super uncomfortable. Her name is Mercedes Jones - which is a cool name, but she's pretty intense, kinda like Rachel, but in a little different way.. I hope to get on her good side soon, because she kinda freaks me out the most right now. Well, that is until we started rehearsing the song…

Mr. Schue had us all line up in a row on the stage and start singing that duet song from Grease. He said I would take the male lead and Rachel would take the female lead, which made Mercedes and Kurt start rolling their eyes and sounded like they were bickering for a minute. The rest of the group was like backup singing. I think it was sort of going ok, but then I noticed Rachel. She was on the far opposite end of the line from me, and she sorta went all chick-batty and started like, pushing the other kids out of the way making her way down the line toward me. I guess this was s'posed to be corrygraphed or whatever, like her dance moves..? But the look in her eyes was kinda INSANE. She got to me and grabbed my hand and started pushing and pulling us, like shifting us back and forth the way they do in the movie in the Shake Shack, and I thought I might lose my balance and fall or something.. I'm telling you she could EASILY be on the football team if she was a dude - she's scary STRONG for being so tiny! But then that Mercedes girl had a fit and stopped the song. She did tell me I was 'good for a white boy' (which TOTALLY made me feel good, but also made me laugh inside really hard). Even Kurt said we were sounding pretty good as a group, which I was SO relieved to hear! At least I guess I don't suck?

Still, I was a little bit nervous about Rachel. Rachel's very INTENSE. And a real perfectionist and a bigger controlist than Quinn even, at least when it comes to music performances. For such a tiny girl who, as far as I knew up til then might have been mute, it was kinda shocking actually to see how she takes over. She puts her little hands on her hips and like, talk-yells at people. At one point she kinda made me think of a yapping chihuahua (which I totally had to hide how funny I thought that mental image was because I almost laughed right in her face by accident, picturing the Taco Bell dog in a pink tutu singing show tunes). Anyways. I can't imagine how I'll be able to work with her because I can't understand half of what she says… but then something happened that changed EVERYTHING.

Rachel sang a solo at my second club meeting. This time we met in the choir room. She started singing and I don't know how to explain what happened to me at that moment. I couldn't believe my ears - or my eyes. I didn't know the song, I guess it's from some Broadway play 'Lame Is' or something - it's a slower song (I guess a ballard), but she sounded SO amazing. And guess what I realized - IT WAS HER VOICE I'd heard before in the hallway coming from the music ro- err, choir room! I can't explain it but my palms got all sweaty and my heart sped up really fast, especially when she hit those big notes… and I just couldn't breathe until she was done. Her performance gave me goosebumps and I couldn't take my eyes off her. If I wasn't sitting in the same room with all the other kids, I actually might have cried (which would have been totally humiliating for the quarterback to be seen crying over a chick singing Broadway show tunes, right?). But seriously, I've never heard anyone sing like that - well, not anyone who isn't on the radio or already famous. And even the couple of famous singers I've seen in concert before, they are nowhere near as good as her.

Rachel is going to be famous. I can tell. She says it all the time too, and a lot of kids in the club seem irritated when she says it (even Mr. Schue looks like he cringes), but I think she's right. The kids think she's bragging and being arrogant or whatever - which, she kinda is - but I can see it. She works really hard at it and is SO good at it… and I think she's pretty cute. I guess I shouldn't be focused on that last part because, well y'know, QUINN… but I'm a dude and I can't really help it.

At least Rachel finally talks to me now that I'm in glee club with her. And I'm so glad she does, because she's actually pretty smart and kinda cool, and she stares at me a lot which is like a major ego boost… But it sort of gives me a funny feeling in the pit of my stomach, like there's fish swimming around in there. Now I'm thinking maybe she didn't actually hate me all those times before? Maybe she actually kinda had a crush on me or something and was too shy to say anything? But it's kind of becoming confusing for me and now I don't really know what to do about Quinn.

. . . . .

Football practice the next day was kinda weird. Puck kept acting strange and looking at me like he knew something weird was going on. We had practice scheduled that next Saturday and he wanted me to run drills with him, but I told him I couldn't even make practice that day. See, Mr. Schue had a field trip planned for Glee but of course I couldn't tell him that, because there's NO WAY I want the guys in the team to know yet that I was forced to join the Glee Club. Yeah I know they're probably gonna find out eventually, but I was just hoping to have some time to get better and be able to perform without looking like a dork first. So I lied and made up an excuse to Puck about mom needing surgery - it was lame but it was the first thing that popped into my head. Well, he seemed to buy it for the time being anyway, which was ok by me.

. . . . .

KNOW YOUR ENEMY - A FIELD TRIP.

Mr. Schue decided we needed to see what our competition looked like, and also wanted to give us an idea of what to expect a real show choir competition would look like. He took us on a field trip to Carmel High to see one of the best show choirs there is, Vocal Adrenaline (which is a totally way cool name, too bad we didn't think of that one first!). Rachel kinda launched into this super long speech about how incredibly talented they were and what good dancers she'd heard they were, and also how the one female lead was practically her idol, at least of the non-Broadway kind. It was kind of a long drive over to Carmel and Rachel talked and talked and talked the whole time. I had hoped to get a nap because it was really kinda early for a Saturday at like 10 am, but Rachel just kept talking… I kinda like the sound of her voice and all, but it was a BUS ride. Doesn't she know that should mean nap time? Well, no, I guess not because it's Rachel. She does things in her own sort of way even if she doesn't notice it's not the way most of us would like to do things.

When we got to Carmel High, it was kinda cool to see what their school looked like. They're in the richie-rich end of town and their school is really AWESOME. They even have a REAL concession stand like at the movies! So of course we all got in line to get snacks and drinks and stuff before the show started. Rachel stood next to me in line, and she started talking to me. I was trying to play it cool because, well, what she was wearing was cute and I was actually pretty distracted by her low cut tank shirt that was showing off her bare shoulders. I had to keep just looking around the place and avoiding eye contact with her.

She surprised me when she looked up at me and said "You're very talented."

"Really?" Was she serious? I can't believe she thinks I'm a good singer - which yeah, feels SO great to hear, especially coming from her… but WOW I just didn't think I'm that good.

"Yeah. I would know. I'm very talented, too."

Well, that's totally the understatement of the century.. but also kinda arrogant? If I'm being honest though, it's totally true. And maybe it's not really arrogance. Maybe it's just her particular kind of confidence that lets her say stuff like that? Because it's pretty clear that she doesn't care what anyone else thinks of her, she just believes in HERSELF. I kind of dig that about her - in fact I sort of envy her for being so self-assured. I wish I had that kind of confidence about ANYTHING.

Then she completely caught me off guard with what she said next.

"I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the hot male lead, and me, the stunning young ingénue everyone roots for."

Ok I seriously had no idea what that weird word she used means, but if it means 'insanely crazy good singer' then YEAH she really is… but then I thought about what exactly she was saying. She thinks I'm hot? Does that mean she likes me? Like, maybe she LIKES me likes me, and maybe she was flirting…? I couldn't tell for sure, because it's RACHEL and she had this sort of really um, intense hopeful tone of voice. And she was looking at me with those huge brown eyes. It was making me kinda nervous because she smelled really good too and was standing so close to me wearing that sweet low cut top, but then I thought about Quinn. So I figured I'd better mention it to her, just in case.

"Well, I, uh, have a girlfriend." I was kind of afraid to look at her. Especially when I got a strong whiff of her perfume then she bumped up against my arm and the fish started swimming in my stomach again and I felt pretty awkward.

She seemed really shocked and maybe disappointed when I told her. Like her voice went up a few notches when she asked "Really? Who?"

I'm really not sure how she didn't already know this. I had to be careful so I didn't sound like I was bragging but I wanted to be honest with her. "Quinn Fabray."

Then she sounded surprised but also almost mad. "Cheerleader Quinn Fabray? The president of the Celibacy Club?"

Yeah, that Quinn Fabray. And that celibacy club thing was kinda hard to get around (haha no pun intended!)… it was REALLY bringing down our make-out sessions. She still would make us stop and pray, like ALL the time, even after all these months together! But I explained to Rachel about me & Quinn, that we were dating for almost four months now.

Out of the corner of my eye I could tell Rachel was pretty uncomfortable with hearing this information, so I figured I should just end this conversation because she was basically staring a hole through me and kinda looked like she might cry at one point. So I changed the subject, plus we were next in line anyway. "Mmm, I wonder if they have Sour Patch Kids." That just made Rachel roll her eyes a little and giggle.. I learned that I really like the sound of her laugh. I offered to buy her some and she accepted, so we just got our snacks and went into the auditorium to find our seats.

HOLY. CRAP. After the Vocal Adrenaline performance, we were all pretty stunned. I just couldn't believe those were high school kids? They looked like professional dancers! Their costumes were all real fancy and the guys all wore ties. Their dancing was stuff I could NEVER pull off. And their club is HUGE, maybe 20 or 30 members! We only have SIX, that's including me. The craziest thing was the audience went INSANE with applause, as if they were watching rock stars perform at a concert or something… I couldn't imagine our little group winning over a whole auditorium of people like that, but then I thought about how awesome it would be if we could become as good as them someday.

So before we all left, we had a quick meeting outside the doors of the school. Rachel was practically in tears saying there was NO WAY we could compete with them because we didn't have enough members and right now our singing as a club was not nearly strong enough and that she was basically carrying our voices - which made Mercedes and Kurt go a little crazy. Then she said our dancing was the WORST of all and we needed loads more practice. I might be able to sing ok enough, but I know I am NOT helping with the dancing part of this stuff, I mean Santana could surely testify to what a lousy dancer I am. But see, Rachel's been learning all these skills for like, basically her whole life. She even offered to help teach us some stuff, and I just know if everyone could just get past her intense confidence and listen to her we'd probably get better really fast. But Kurt and Mercedes were complaining that they wanted more of the spotlight too, and for a minute Mr. Schue looked a little overwhelmed like he just didn't know what to say to everyone. It was getting complicated and the group seemed like it was just falling apart already.

After thinking for a minute and maybe after whatever Miss Pillsbury said to him, Mr. Schue tried to calm Rachel and the others down. He reminded us all that the year was just getting started, our club was still new, that we could keep trying to recruit new members, and that we WOULD be working hard to improve so we WILL get better. He said in time we could be just as good as Carmel. He sounded totally confident that once we practiced enough, we'd eventually be in the same league as V-A and said there was no reason to stress out right now.

In that moment, I think I realized Mr. Schue's a great coach, not just a great teacher. Because I know what we all just saw on that stage, and only a great COACH could say what he said and sound like he actually MEANS it after witnessing a mind-blowing performance like that, especially knowing what his own team looks like right now.

. . . . .

It's been hard hiding my involvement in Glee from the guys on the football team. Puck definitely knows something is going on.. He's been asking questions. I hate to lie to him about where I was today but I KNOW how Puck is… and I really don't need the extra stress right now, so I had no choice but to lie to him just to make it to this performance at Carmel. Little did I know my secret was already out! As I was heading to the parking lot, Puck and a bunch of the guys from the team cornered me, called me out for lying and shot the crap out of me with paintballs. Just GREAT. That was my favorite pair of jeans and mom's gonna be pissed when I come home looking like this. Worse though, now I'm gonna have to hear it in the locker room and at practice about being in Glee club. For a second I considered maybe I should just rat Puck out - or at least get him to confess the drugs in my locker were really his.. But I'd hate to just accuse him when I don't know for sure, and he's already mad because I was lying to him… Plus, he's still my brother and I seriously don't believe he would jeopardize my position on the team that way, even if it was a prank, so maybe it really did belong to someone else. But now that they know about me in Glee, I don't think I can go around asking questions. Crap. I don't know what to do about this now or how to get the guys to back off. Anyway it's just singing, I don't even understand why they think it's such a bad thing? I'd never hassle them like this if it was the other way around.

. . . . .

DON'T STOP…PLEASE!

Holy crap. Mr. Schue is going to be a FATHER! Which is great and I'm happy for him and stuff - but he met with us in the auditorium to say that teachers don't get paid enough and he has a family to think about now so he's QUITTING McKinley to go be an accountant!? Which… well, I don't know really what that means, maybe there will be no more Glee Club? Either way, it definitely means no more Mr Schue in Glee Club, which sucks because he's the main reason I joined (or was forced to join?) the club.

But guess what? It turns out I actually kinda liked being in Glee. I wasn't sure I could admit that so easily, but I really think I do. But now without a director, or more specifically without Mr Schue as the director, I don't know how the club can go on - or if I want to stay? The last director of the club Mr. Ryerson was really, super creepy and inappropriate. What if we end up with someone like him (or worse) to replace Mr Schue? Maybe I only wanted to stay because I felt like I had to for Mr Schue (and the pot in my locker thing which only he knew about - shit I really hope that isn't gonna come back up since he's leaving!). I also think maybe Rachel has a little something to do with why I like Glee too, but I don't know… I'm getting confused.

I already knew what a hassle it was trying to secretly do Glee while being the quarterback and dating Quinn, and that my friends definitely will 100% bust my balls if/when they find out. If Mr. Schue is leaving then it seemed clear to me what I had to do. So I just finally made a decision: I'd quit Glee before my personal life blew up. I didn't go to the next club meeting, and was surprised when I suddenly found Rachel waiting for me at my locker afterwards.

"Didn't see you at Glee Club today." She looked pretty disappointed. And a little pissed.

So I played dumb and asked her "Is that still happening?"

She said "I've taken over. I'm interim director, but I expect the position will become permanent."

Then I saw Quinn and Santana heading my way and saw us talking so she stopped to see me. Quinn insulted Rachel, calling her RuPaul - which was a little funny but also really mean and unnecessary. Quinn wanted to know why we were talking and Rachel quickly covered, saying we're science partners on a project together. Rachel's so smart and thinks fast on her feet… I was impressed.

After Quinn left I told Rachel "Look, I should go. I can't do Glee anymore. It conflicts with–"

"Your reputation?" she cut me off and finished my sentence.. And boy did she have me pegged! But she sounded irritated too. Then she blew me away again with the next things she said.

"You've really got something, Finn, and you're throwing it away. You can't keep worrying about what people think. You're better than all of them."

She really made me think. Hard. I don't know why Rachel thinks so highly of me, I never thought I was much of a singer. In fact NOBODY except Mr. Schue recently has expected much more from me than to be a good football player and just to basically PASS my classes so I can stay on the team. Quinn thinks of me as eye candy I guess, or a means to win prom queen. And of course, my mom thinks highly of me like that, but that's a mom's job so it kinda doesn't count the same. But Rachel's constantly telling me that I'm talented and have potential, and that I'm wasting it basically.. I don't understand why she says these things, if it's just her flirting with me or if she really means it. But I do like being in Glee, it's something I felt like I wanted to do just for ME.
. . . . .

Once I got to football practice that day though, I knew I was going to change my mind about Glee. Puck and the guys from the team had trapped Artie and his wheelchair in a port-a-john and intended to roll him… actually they expected ME to roll the port-a-john with Artie inside, as a 'welcome back to the football team' gesture I guess. That was the STUPIDEST thing I think Puck has ever suggested, and I was PISSED. Artie was a cool kid who never did anything to anyone and definitely did NOT deserve to be treated that way, plus, how could Puck think it was ok to do that to anyone let alone a guy in a wheelchair? For just a second I pictured Rachel's disappointed face if she knew this was happening, then I heard my mom's voice in the back of my head telling me to fix this situation. So I listened to it.

I saved Artie from total humiliation (and probably a lifelong fear of port-a-johns) and pulled him out of there. Then I told Puck I'm gonna rejoin Glee AND be the quarterback, because BOTH teams needed my help to be successful. I finally found my voice - both as a singer in Glee and as a leader, and I wasn't ready to give up on either one. Puck looked like I just slapped him in the face or something. But he didn't push back on me about my decision.

I decided to take Artie back to the auditorium where the rest of the club was in the middle of a meeting, and hoped that they'd accept me back in the club. I apologized for being such a douche to all of them and for bailing like I did - and discovered in the process just HOW BIG of a douche I really had been. They all had some story about being bullied by the jocks - including me a couple times I guess. Even though I really didn't participate unless the guys really forced me to do stuff. I decided I need to stand up for myself and for others more often going forward, I can't believe I threw eggs at Rachel and didn't even realize it until now. But I DO remember the day she was talking about, and I also remember that I intentionally aimed bad so I'd miss her, but that's not the point. I was sure I DID NOT want to be THAT JERK just because I was a jock.

Do you believe what happened next? This group of kids who'd been bullied and pushed around by MY so-called friends actually FORGAVE ME and let me back in the club. Despite everything, they were kind enough to accept my apologies and give me another chance. But without Mr. Schue, Rachel was still trying to lead them, except I don't think they were really ready to listen to her yet. So I sort of jumped in and told them I had an idea for the music, and asked Mercedes to handle costumes and Rachel to work on choreography since she was the most experienced dancer. I also asked Artie to hook us up with the school's jazz band club.

I was SO pumped about the song I was thinking of, I could already hear it and see it in my mind - Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing'. After like 2 hours working on it together, MAN did we sound great! I even got to play drums for a bit during the song. Once the whole group started working together, without the bickering and stuff, we created something so special…. And Rachel figured out some really cool dance steps - I got to hold her hand a lot and touch her a bunch of times while we were singing. I heard the song as a duet in my mind, so she and I took the lead again. Our voices sounded so GREAT together too, especially when we harmonized.

. . . . .

When we finished our first full run of the whole song, we were all pretty shocked to see Mr. Schue standing in the auditorium watching us and applauding, and saying he'd changed his mind and was going to continue as our teacher and Glee director. That was AWESOME news!

But things were becoming kinda complicated for me, maybe even more than before, because now I was pretty sure I wanted to stay in Glee mostly to be able to spend more time with Rachel. Especially once I heard her singing that song, and after seeing her face light up with huge smiles while we went through the number together.

When practice was over, I walked Rachel outside. She was about to call her dads for a ride home, but I offered to drop her off instead since it was on the way to my house, and she accepted. She told me in my truck on the way home that she was really glad I changed my mind about Glee, and she was so excited about us performing together. She said being part of something special makes us special, and that this group was NOW becoming something special, thanks mainly to me. I don't understand what she sees in me.. But I like how she makes me feel about myself when I'm around her… I like it a lot more than how I feel about myself when I'm with Quinn. See what I mean? Complicated.

A/N

Song credit: "Black Bear" by Andrew Belle.

As a reminder, I have YouTube playlists setup to accompany my stories, search for my 'anothergleekgirl' channel!

www-youtube-com / anothergleekgirl / channels

Hope you're enjoying the story so far! Our poor Finn, he's trying to figure himself out and navigate the perils of high school as the stereotypical popular jock - but he's not cut from the same cloth. Rachel's right, he's special, better than rest of them. He always was.. :)

BIG THANKS to all of you who've been reading and following my stories! I've been having a blast working on them and learning how to be a decent writer.. Are you liking this story? I love to see your reviews & comments! Also if you have any requests for one-shots or story ideas send me a PM, I'd be happy to try to write the story YOU want to read! I'm down for the challenge!

FAITHFULLY FINCHEL FOREVER!

FINN LIVES RIGHT HERE..ALWAYS! XOXO