CH6: WMHS-Sophomore Year. Part V

You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you
My head's under water, But I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

THE JACKASS HAS LANDED.

JESUS! What is HE doing here?! Why is this happening to me? I thought maybe karma already covered me for a LIFETIME in the 'let's screw Finn Hudson's life over' category. First my dad died, then my now ex-girlfriend cheated with -and got knocked up by- my now ex-best friend, then my mom found a new boyfriend and we moved away from my childhood home… and now this? REALLY?

Yeah. Mr. Schuester SERIOUSLY just welcomed Jesse St. Fucking JACKASS into MY Glee club, inside of MY SCHOOL with open arms! WHAT IS HE THINKING? Oh 'it's all legit' he says, 'he lives in our district now' he says, he's really a student here.. RIIIIGHT.

I thought we already talked about how V-A is total cutthroat and will stop at nothing for their victory. I DON'T TRUST THIS DUDE! He's a freakin' SPY, I'd bet my drums on it! I'm not saying Rachel is not hot and sexy and appealing to anyone else, I'm saying this guy is a slime ball - I can see it written all over his smug-ass rat-face. Son of a bitch. So much for Glee being my happy place.

. . . . .

A HAIL MARY PLAY… UHH.. CORRECTION - HAIL BURT!

I just kinda wish I had someone to talk to about all of this Rachel stuff, and all the other crap floating in my head. I no longer have a BEST FRIEND to bounce ideas off of, and it sucks. I still don't feel ready to trust any of the other guys in Glee after the whole baby gate scandal. I never had a dad, and while Mr. Schue has been really cool about a lot of things; girls seemed to NOT be his strong spot. In fact he seems to kinda suck in this area, like it's his kryptonite. No way can I try talking to Kurt again. I did that once, and WHOA did it sorta backfire! (Plus I'm pretty sure he's the one who gave Rachel that tragic catsuit makeover… I can't prove it, but c'mon, who else could've done it?)

Then I got to thinking… Maybe Burt would help? Yeah I know I've been mostly fighting the idea of this whole new 'family' mom's been shoving down my throat. But I gotta admit, so far Burt's been pretty cool with me. (Well, except for when I used a certain 'F' word and he threw me out of his house for a minute - but I apologized and so did he and we worked that whole mess out.)

If I really stop and think about it, Burt lost his wife and Kurt lost his mom, so these two guys actually might be some of the only people in Lima who truly understand what kind of complicated feelings I could have about all of this 'new family' stuff right now. Like, I bet Kurt is having a hard time too because he actually KNEW his mom and remembers her, so maybe he looks at my mom as like a replacement? And we know there's just no such thing as a replacement for a parent right? But now that I've gotten to know Burt better, I think there can be NEW people who help make the memory of the missing ones less painful. We're not replacing them, we're adding new people who we can share their memories with.

Huh. Rachel must really be rubbing off on me, since I figured that out all by myself. I think she would be proud of me for that. Yeah, I'm gonna talk to Burt and see if he has any advice for this stuff with Rachel… I wonder if I should mention Santana's offer too? Umm. I have a feeling I KNOW what he'd say about that so, maybe not. Anyway I already handled that mess.. Sort of.

Burt's been doing his best to be a friend, to be patient and let me adjust to all these changes. Plus he's been really cool to talk about sports and cars with… so why not girls too? So I asked him what he thinks I should do about the Rachel/Jesse thing, and he told me that sometimes it pays to be the bigger man. He said maybe I should try to be Jesse's friend, but just keep showing Rachel what she's missing, like be her friend too. Let this guy trip himself up. Well, that might be ok advice if she wasn't already sorta pissed at me… So I had to tell him about Rachel being mad, and how I hurt her feelings because of being an idiot and everything. Then Burt said 'go big or go home' - make a grand gesture to apologize and prove to her that I care. Hmm.. I'm not sure what that grand gesture should be - aside from my fist in St. Douche's face, but I'm pretty sure that would have the opposite intended effect on Rachel. She does not approve of violence. :(

Ok, Be the better man, but go big. I gotta think about this.

. . . . .

{{sigh}} It's I guess a new way of life, having to witness this DOUCHE walking around the halls of MY school, hanging onto MY Rachel. Singing with her. Dancing with her. Whispering whatever crap into her ear. Touching and tickling her. UGGGGH. He's here, and I guess he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. I still don't trust him, but what's that saying, keep your enemies super close and stuff (so it's easier to punch them later - haha)? Yeah. So fine, Mr. St. Jerkface, Finn Hudson will be your NEW BFF!

So… in the spirit of trying to become 'friends' and teammates, Artie, Mike, Matt and I invited Jesse for a guys' night of bowling and pizza. He wanted to bring Rachel. FUCK. No, no. Just NO. That's not what we're doing… I explained to him it's GUYS night, no chicks allowed. Rach even texted me to ask what exactly we were up to. Like she doesn't trust me all of a sudden? I told her the same thing I told him - male team bonding - for the CLUB! She actually sounded proud of me and kinda happy about it. I guess Rach, Tina, Kurt and Mercedes are having a paint your nails thing at Tina's house that same night to make Jesse feel better about being separated from her for the evening… Ugh. Whatever.

So he reluctantly shows up to the bowling alley - brought his own ball because god forbid he uses the ones at the lanes - whatever. Snob. I found it pretty hilarious that he OWNS his own ball but has no clue how to use it. He also can't bowl to save his life. Heheh. I smirked in my mind at what a total wussy loser he is. He might be an ok singer and dancer, but he's a total wimp. This is gonna be fun. :-D

We were hoping to try to get him talking about Vocal Adrenaline to see if he'd slip up and tell us anything useful, but he wouldn't even discuss them. Steel trap. It's just proving my theory more and more that he is a SPY. Ok well, at least we're keeping him away from my Rach for a night if nothing else, so it's not a total waste. And at least Jesse's a senior, so I won't have to put up with him being around here for too much longer - thank god.

The only thing he did mention about V-A is that his pals are I guess making plans for spring break and he says he's probably going to go with them - he was bragging about this fancy beach trip. BON VOYAGE, St. Loser! But then he mentioned we should probably be focusing on Regionals, that V-A is already on lockdown in rehearsals. He wanted to know what our plan was, how we decide on setlists for competition in New Directions and whether we will also be going on lockdown rehearsals. He says V-A's coach creates a list of potential songs in accordance with the assigned theme for the competition, then their club is allowed to have a vote, but in the end their coach has the final approval over their songs. (Hmm. Mr. Schue just kinda wings it and tells us the setlist like the day before. But I'm not telling him that… SPY!) Instead, I said our club is too new, that we haven't been through the process yet, so we'll have to see how Mr. Schue wants to handle things. He scoffed at that but oh well.

Then he got a call from Rachel. I was trying hard not to vomit in my mouth as I listened to him baby talk to her on the phone. ACKKK. So glad this is the last frame and we can end this stupid bowling night because I gotta get away from this guy before I send him dumpster diving. I mean, he seems like he's being nice enough to Rachel. If she's happy I guess I have to try to respect her wishes and let her be happy, but I'll be damned if I'm not gonna keep an eye out for her.

. . . . .

I. JUST. CAN'T.

'RUN JOEY RUN'. What kind of stupid song title is that anyway? Well it doesn't matter. Rachel asked for my help so of COURSE I was gonna give it. I mean we ARE still co-captains of New Directions, so I gotta help her, right? ;)

Mr. Schue came up with another nonsensical assignment of rehabbing crappy songs with 'bad reputations'. Welp, this song was SURELY the crappiest I'd ever heard! Anyway. Rachel picked this really weird duet song and wanted to film it as a VIDEO. She asked me to play the male lead 'Joey'... well, when I saw the 'script' and how this video was gonna play out, I got kinda hopeful… because y'know, the story in the song is basically her being in love with 'Joey' and telling her dad they're gonna get married. :D But I kinda wondered why she wasn't asking St. Doucheface to be her leading man - until we watched the video as a group in Glee and I got my answer… JESUS what was Rachel thinking?

OK let me back up a bit. This all started with a stupid list. A sexy 'GLIST' ranking everyone in Glee club from hottest to not hot. Whoever made the list ranked Rachel dead last (which first of all, so NOT TRUE. Rach shoulda been at the TOP of the list, but on the other hand, then I'd be wanting to kick someone's ass for thinking about her like that so…) Whatever. There just was nothing good to come from this list. Not the point.

The point is, Rachel thrives on competition and HATES losing anything - doesn't matter how dumb or trivial that thing might be, she wants to WIN all the time, like it's in her DNA or something. It's like an OCD problem for her, she can't help it. And this Glist made her feel like an UNSEXY loser, so she needed to prove she wasn't one.

But this goofy video she made, she USED me.. In fact she used ALL of us guys - me, Douche #1 (aka Jesse), and Douche #2 (aka Puck). PUCK?! Yeah, she included HIM in this thing too! She had all three of us in this video, all playing the same lead guy 'Joey', and I know full well it's because she was trying to make herself look sexy and like a bunch of dudes were chasing after her.

Rachel is always so full of self-doubt and insecurities and putting herself down all the time - which is ridiculous because Rachel is totally sexy and beautiful and she doesn't even KNOW how hot she really is - which is one of the things that MAKES her so damn hot. She doesn't TRY to be anything, she just IS… until she pulls some crap like this video.

Maybe she was trying to make me jealous too - which really isn't the sort of thing she would normally do, but lately I don't know what's going on with her so I guess it's possible? And well it sorta worked too, if that's what she intended. I just kinda yelled at her and walked outta the choir room. I couldn't stand there and look at her anymore. It was hurting me too much, especially with the backstabber and the rat faced bastard sitting in the same room behind her. Yeah, she's still dating that fuck-tard snob and now Puck's chiming in on this conversation as if HE has ANY business being involved in Rachel's life… so yeah I just had to get out of there immediately. Mom would be really pissed if I got suspended for killing dudes today. Plus I didn't wanna say anything worse to Rach than I already had after watching the video. She knows I know what she was doing, and that it wasn't cool at all. That's all that matters.

. . . . .

A HORSE CAN'T CHANGE ITS SPOTS MIDSTREAM.

In the last few weeks I really coulda used Rachel's advice, but she's been too busy being wooed by the Mayor of Doucheville. I was missing her so much and needing her friendship, but St Jerk-off still had her walking around with blinders on. At least one good thing did happen - he really DID go away on that spring break trip with his loser friends from Carmel, which was AWESOME since I then wouldn't have to see him in my face - or in Rachel's - for at least 2 weeks.

. . . . .

I guess Kurt musta told Rachel about me and mom getting ready to move in with the Hummels. Still, I was pretty surprised when Rachel called me one night. She asked how I was doing with all these changes. I was honest with her, told her I was having a hard time about it. The idea of mom moving on from my dad - even though I never even knew him, it was still hard. Rach surprised me again - even if it was just out of friendship - but she knew exactly what I needed. She asked me to come pick her up, so I did and we ended up going to the lake. She brought me some banana bread and fresh baked chocolate chip cookies too. See how awesome she is?

We just sat in the bed of my truck and talked under the full moon for hours. It got pretty unseasonably cold that night though, and even though I did my best to keep her warm, Rachel felt like she should get home because being in the cold night air she could get sick and we were too close to regionals to risk her voice now. I was sad to have to take her home, but I was so relieved to know Rachel meant what she said when she told me she would always be my FRIEND no matter what. She didn't forget me after all. At least I still have her friendship, and that means everything.

. . . . .

Since regionals was so close, Mr Schue wanted to really prepare us. He told us to start thinking of inspirational songs, anthems, and songs that show raw emotion, lay your soul bare kinda songs. Rachel was starting to sing a Miley Cyrus solo for us as an example, except.. Whoa! Something was SUPER wrong with her voice! She was all off-key and like, sounding like a dead cat, all warbly… it was pretty obvious she was sick. Her dads were out of town and Rachel was panicked so I volunteered to take her to the doctor immediately. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM being there for her, especially for something as serious as her voice. Even Mr. Schue didn't have a problem with me taking her, he knew how major this problem could be.

On the short ride to the doctor's office, Rachel wouldn't look at me and she barely spoke. I wanted to hold her hand so badly but obviously it wasn't the right thing for me to do - but I did just put my hand over the back of hers and gave it a little squeeze just to reassure her, and I told her she was gonna be fine. She sorta smiled at me and whispered "thank you Finn."

When we got inside she was so scared - which yeah, seemed a little irrational to me, but it's Rachel so.. Nothing really freaks me out much about her anymore, she's just her own unique self and actually I love the weird things she does alotta the time. Like how she grabbed my hand when they called her name to go back to the exam room and she told the nurse she needed me to come with her. It made me feel pretty good to know that Rach needed me, that she trusted me to be with her for this. The nurse gave us kind of a weird look, but agreed and when we went in the room she told Rachel to change into the hospital gown that was lying on the exam table. Rachel turned about four shades of red, but she saw the curtain area and went over there to get changed. She asked me to turn around and look out the window - which was kinda silly because she'd be behind a curtain and I wouldn't be able to see anything anyway, plus how would she know if I were looking? :) I told her I was looking out the window - even though I totally wasn't, I was watching the curtain because there was some light shining through from her side and so I could sorta see her shadow on the curtain and… well then I HAD to look out the window or else I was gonna be searching for a shower room!

Anyway. The doctor came in, took a couple swabs in her mouth and nose, did a regular exam of her lungs, heart, chest (lucky dude - I might wanna think about becoming a doctor). Then he left the room. While we're waiting for the doctor to come back, she said "What if he says I'll never sing again? I mean, who am I without my voice? I-I'm just this spoiled, annoying only child–"

What? Why does she always put herself down like that? I cut her off and smiled big at her and said "Don't say that. There's, like, so many awesome things about you."

She looked all sweet and hopeful at me with her big brown puppy dog eyes and asked "Like?"

Aw man. I SO wanted to kiss her face off right then! Germs or no germs, it woulda been worth it. But if I start going down this rabbit hole I'm not gonna be able to stop. It's bad enough I'm sitting in this small room with her smelling so good while she's half naked, dressed ONLY in a hospital gown (and I can totally tell she doesn't have a bra on underneath… UGH!) So I decided to just try to be a good reassuring friend, stayed focused on her health and told her "Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again."

The doctor finally came back - scared the crap outta her with a bad joke about how she'd never sing again! - then told her she needs surgery. It turns out she had severe tonsillitis, which gave her an inner ear infection and is why she sounds like an out of tune dying cat right now. She says it's been a problem forever, she was told she should have had her tonsils out long ago, but she usually just rests her voice and stuff and gets over the infection on her own. I know it without her saying it but she's afraid of surgery. She looked at me for back up, so I told the doctor she's just worried about her singing voice. The doctor just repeated himself and wanted her to think seriously about surgery because these infections are getting worse and the INFECTIONS could end up doing permanent damage, or land her in the hospital for a very long time eventually. He gave her a prescription for medicine and then he left, and she got real scared and asked my opinion what to do.

I was feeling a little bit snarky now, because I'm still sitting in the 'friend zone' waiting for her to drop that spying loser St. Douche. Like, why can't she just accept the fact that HE is just a SPY and that WE are meant to be together? I mean, where was HE while she's sick and needed someone to take care of her? He's off with his REAL team and his REAL friends on a beach somewhere, probably plotting on how to destroy us for Regionals! So I kinda snapped at her a little bit, "Maybe you should ask your boyfriend. Oh, wait, you can't. He's not here."

She reminded me what I already knew - "He's in San Diego on spring break with his friends from Vocal Adrenaline." Just the fact that he was still hanging out with his old glee pals should have been a major red flag to her about this guy, but she STILL has those damn blinders on. So I started to lose my patience with her a little bit.

"When are you gonna realize that he's not into you like I am? You think he's gonna stick around if you can't sing? If you're a vocal cripple?" This guy is such a conceited jerk that I can PROMISE he'd drop her like a hot potato if there was any sign of her needing to lean on him for support. I'm still not convinced he actually REALLY likes her at all, and isn't just using her for inside info about our glee club. But even if he does sorta like her for real, he'd still never be THAT guy to take care of her if she needed him to. She wouldn't even have to ask me.. I'd be there for her in a heartbeat.

Another thing I know about Rachel - she has a hard time admitting when she's wrong. Probably because admitting you're wrong is admitting failure, which she really never does, so it's hard for her. I can understand that… but to me, it feels like this dude has already dropped her and run back to his old glee club, and she's doing her best to be stubborn right now and save face.

So she turned those big beautiful brown eyes on me and said "Look, I know that you've always been jealous of Jesse. And even though he and I haven't spoken since the 'Run Joey Run' debacle, you just have to accept the fact that… I still care about him deeply. And I know he still feels the same way about me."

Ok, sure Rach. Don't worry, I'll be still be here for the after.. No matter what. I promise. You were my glue, and I will be yours too, even if you don't know it yet.

. . . . .

GO BIG OR GO HOME.

The next day in Glee I sang a Rick Springfield song for Mr. Schue's assignment, y'know, about baring your soul etc… and seriously, there was only ONE SONG I could've possibly picked that tells how I feel right now - and I didn't care if the whole SCHOOL heard it. But I made damn SURE that Rachel heard it! I hate even thinking of her as 'Jesse's girl' - because she was mine first… and I know she will be again.

Burt said make a grand gesture… I think we'll call this STEP 1 ;)

Yeah. I'm SO getting my Rach back, one way or another… soon. I can feel it!

. . . . .

A couple of days later after her doctor's visit, I was at my locker when I turned around and saw Rachel standing in the middle of the hall. I had to do a double take because at first I wasn't totally sure it was her! She was wearing this big baggy sweater and her hair was in really messy braids like it hadn't been brushed (or maybe not even washed) in days, and like, she was eating a bowl of cereal… in the hallway?! What the hell happened to MY Rachel Berry?

"Uh… Rach? Are you, like, sleepwalking?"

"You have to be able to sleep to sleepwalk. I am on my third day of antibiotics, and I am NOT getting any better, which means I'm gonna have to have that surgery, which means my life is over."

"Don't you think you're being a little dramatic, I mean, even for you? God, I'm so sick of you feeling sorry for yourself."

Ok I know that sounded harsh but I think she needed a little tough love. This girl does NOT mope around feeling sorry for herself.. She is a TAKE CHARGE confident awesome force of nature! Not this, this, sad baggy homeless looking chick I'm seeing right now.

"Why don't you get it? I AM MY VOICE! I am like Tinker Bell, Finn, I need applause to live."

It was everything I could do not to laugh in her face at that statement - it was SUCH a Rachel Berry thing for her to say, and so adorable - but also totally ridiculous at the same time. My Rachel doesn't have pity-parties. What the hell was going on with her? She needed a little perspective - and some encouragement.

"I got a friend I want you to meet." Rachel has no idea how silly she's being.. My friend is definitely going to help set her straight.

She looked at me skeptically and said "Another doctor? I've seen six already. No."

"No, he's an old friend of mine. We'll go after school today - if you can pull yourself away from that bowl of cereal." Ugh.. if she can call that stuff cereal anyway… It looked like bird seed and soy milk. Gross. Now Cap'N Crunch, THAT's a pretty great cereal!

. . . . .

We made the 25 mile drive to the next town over. Rachel mostly sulked the whole way and I just sorta listened to her stress and freak out over the possible need for surgery, and how her lifelong dreams of Broadway were probably over now. She was wondering out loud what she could do with her life if she wasn't going to be a big star. When she said piano teacher or librarian I just started laughing at her. She stared at me with her mouth hanging open and then made this weird face "FINN why are you laughing? My life is pretty much ruined and you think it's funny? You're not being a very good friend!"

Y'know the uber crazy intensity and the lack of an OFF switch I mentioned? Well after 25 miles of driving with it, I think my brain was starting to crack a little. As I pulled the truck into the driveway and threw it into park, I cut the engine and turned in my seat to face her.

"Rachel. I'm being a far better friend than you could possibly imagine right now. I've been in this truck listening for MILES about your crazy fears. Do you do this to yourself all the time? How do you ever get any sleep? Like, I thought I WAS the king of the spin-out brain, but I think you might actually have me beat now!"

"Very funny, Finn. Anyway, what did you mean when you said you're being a better friend than I can imagine?"

"You'll see," I just smiled at her. She's so freakin' cute when she's anxious like this and I wanted to kiss her SO BADLY.

This was definitely one of those 'clueless in life' moments that Rach needed an immediate education about. She's a zillion times more school smart than me and I'm sure she always will be, but there's plenty of things I can teach her too - and today I'm giving her one great BIG lesson.

Mrs. Fretthold opened the door, and I introduced Rachel as she invited us to come inside. She commented on how pretty Rachel was - I couldn't agree more, but I just smiled and nodded to her as Rachel blushed a little.

Rach went over to look at their family photos in the foyer while his mom went to check on him. "Is this him?"

"Uh, yeah. We met at football camp a couple years ago." His mom motioned for us to come to Sean's room now, and I took Rachel by the hand to lead her through the doorway.

"Fab-Five Finnster." he greeted me with a cheery face. I lifted his motionless hand and made a fist with it to mash his against mine. "Fretter!"

"This is the hottie you were telling me about?"

"Yeah. Sean Fretthold, Rachel Berry. Rachel, Sean." I can tell almost immediately she's SO uncomfortable and would probably rather be rubbing a balloon against JBI than standing in this room right now. It's really weird seeing Rachel so far out of her comfort zone… but she needed some perspective.

Sean though? He's got this, he's so cool about his situation now and has heard and seen every possible reaction to his circumstance. He knows how to put people at ease almost instantly. He also knows how to read the room, I didn't need to say anything. "They make me see a shrink. He says I compensate with humor. Third game of the season, right after I met the Finnster, this yeti of a fullback breaks through the line. I hear a crack. Next thing I know, I'm lying on the ground… saying to myself, 'Get up, get up,' but... nothing was working, you know?"

I looked at Rach to explain, "Sean was a C-4. Paralyzed from the upper chest down." Her face totally drained white as a ghost and for a moment I thought she might pass out or burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry." She spoke so softly it was nearly a whisper. I felt her hand grip mine and squeeze really tight. I just looked at her with a small smile and let Sean take this.

"Finn says your voice is messed up." She looked at me with a bit of shock, or maybe even embarrassment, then looked back to Sean and nodded yes. "Is it gonna come back?" he asked her with bright eyes. Like he's telling her to get over herself, but without the insults.

"I - I don't know." I know she doesn't know how to react right now. She's learning something new that was totally foreign to her a few moments ago and it's really fascinating the hell out of me to watch it happen.

"Pissed off about what you lost? I was. Like, real... rage. I used to just lie in bed and scream."

"Finn shouldn't have brought me here. I'm so sorry." She shot me a desperate look and I could tell she was about to make a dart for the doorway, but I tightened my grip on her hand. I wasn't letting her off that easy - and neither was Sean. I looked at him and said "Wait, wait, wait. Just— Tell her about what happened when they gave you the chair."

Sean kinda grins with a certain sarcasm. He's actually got a pretty dark sense of humor - and in his situation, I can't blame him. He's told this story probably a hundred times. He can sorta laugh about it now, but at the time it wasn't even a little funny - especially not to his mom.

"They were all excited because I could drive it myself by blowing in that tube." he looks over to the special mobility chair siting in the corner of the room. "The second they left me alone… I drove it into the swimming pool." Rachel's eyes were huge and she looked sort of terrified for a split second.

"His mom pulled him out when she heard the splash," I explained to Rachel, and Sean sort of chuckled softly.

She really looks confused. "I don't understand. Arr- Are you trying to tell me that you're happier now?"

"HELL no. I'm miserable! I miss my body. I miss my life. I miss my friends. I miss girls. But I've realized, over time, that I've got other stuff going on. I'm more than just one thing. You know, I'm good at math. Seriously. I flew through Calc I

in, like, two months. And I can sing."

I can back that claim up with ease.. I nodded, "He's actually pretty good."

"I used to sing in the shower, in the car— I didn't have the balls to try out for my school's glee club like Finn did. That pissed me off more than anything. What the hell was I so afraid of?"

His mom tells us it's time for his physical therapy so we say our goodbyes. "Later, dude. Um, I'll come by in a few weeks." Rachel said she'd meet me at the truck and stayed behind in his room for a few seconds I guess to say goodbye in private.

. . . . .

When we got back into the truck, Rachel fell apart. She was actually sobbing so hard I had to hang onto her to hold her upright. She cried into my shoulder for the longest time, and I just let her. When she finally started to calm down and catch her breath, she looked into my eyes and said "I understand now Finn."

"Rach, I just wanted you to see that things could be so much worse, but even if they were, that doesn't mean your life is over."

"What on earth made you think to bring me here, Finn? And how could you possibly know this was exactly what I needed today?"

I brushed the hair from her eyes and tucked a strand behind her ear. "Because you're my best friend Rach, and I knew this thing with your tonsils and surgery was freaking you out. I could've tried talking to you 'til the cows come home about how irrational your fear was, but you don't usually listen so well when you're scared. You needed to see a living breathing example of how life goes on to understand. I just.. I just know you, Rach." Grand gesture, STEP 2.

She threw her arms around my neck and hugged me so tightly, but then I could hear her starting to cry again. Not the heavy sobbing like before, this time it was soft and weepy. I hugged her back for a minute, but then I pulled her back to see her face. I wiped the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs and asked "Rach what's wrong? Why are you crying now?"

She sniffed a couple times and looked down, "Because you called me your best friend."

I sorta half smiled and said "So calling you my friend makes you cry? Well I don't want you to be sad so–"

She cut me off with a quick soft kiss on the lips. It was really sweet and ended much faster than I would have liked, but then she said "NO Finn, I'm not sad at all. I'm… overjoyed. I never expected you to think of me like that.. Or really, for anyone to call me their best friend, but least of all, you."

What? Why would she.. "Rachel seriously? You didn't think you were my friend? After everything that's happened between us the last couple months, how could you not know that? How could you not know how much you mean to me?"

Her voice was so quiet and she wouldn't look at me. "Well.. y-you never said it before. A-And then… I mean, I know I - I probably went too far with the calendars. I guess I got carried away… and so, I just thought I ruined everything and pushed you away, that maybe I even dreamed it all up in my head. I made a fool of myself. And people don't usually give me second chances." She swallowed really hard and took a big breath. "Then you went on a date with Santana and Brittany, and then you.. Well I thought you and Santana were an item now, so I didn't stand a chance. I certainly don't measure up to any of those Cheerio girls. I'm not pretty or popular like them, and I know I'm not really your type."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. For crying out loud I asked her to be my girlfriend -TWICE! And she turned me down both times.. But is this really why? Did she think I was playing games with her, so she was just trying to protect herself from.. from what, ME? From embarrassment? I'm so confused I don't even know how to respond to her right now. I'm just… stunned.

And in all my silence and whatever ridiculous look musta been on my face, she finally looked at me and said "Finn did I freak you out again? I'm sorry, I just have a tendency to do that I suppose.."

"Rach! Rachel.. No!" I grabbed both her hands and squeezed tight. And I looked deep into her eyes because I really needed her to hear me and believe me. "No, I"M SORRY. You don't owe me any apologies, but I owe you a huge one. I.. yeah, you're right. I - I never said the words to you before. But hell Rach, I don't know how I would have survived the last couple months without your friendship. Rachel… your friendship means everything to me. YOU mean everything to me. And you're right, you're nothing like those Cheerio girls - and I'm SO GLAD for that! Rachel you're beautiful, and you're so much more special than any of them, and way more important to me. Also just to set the record straight - definitely absolutely NO, I am not involved with Santana. We are not dating and never were. I'd much rather be home, watching Funny Girl or making origami birds, even if I get paper cuts. At least I'd be doing it with my best friend."

The next thing I knew, her hands were in my hair and her lips were on mine. She was kissing me so hard and it was like the world stopped spinning for a few minutes. Right then I knew it had happened… Yep. I got my Rach back!

Now she just needs to hand a certain douchebag a one-way ticket on the Loserville Express… SEE YA LATER, ST. JACKASS!

. . . . .

WHAT THE FUNK?

WOW. It feels so good knowing me and Rach are back on the same page, and TOGETHER. Her ear infection finally cleared up and her tonsils are much better. We've been hanging out every day since that trip to Sean's house. Burt was SO right about just being her friend and grand gestures and everything - and surprisingly, I didn't even have to punch anyone in the face!

Rachel texted me last night before bed saying she was nervous about today because Jesse was supposed to be back from spring break and she needed to tell him they were OVER. She said she didn't want to do it over the phone because that was 'tacky and cliché' - not like he was calling her or anything while he was gone. (BECAUSE HE WAS REALLY A SPY?) What she said about them not talking since that awful Run Joey video.. I knew this guy was a jerk. He was all having a tantrum about being triple cast and told her he'd use his time away on spring break to cool off - but I think it was a part of his act, puttin' on a show like he was so devastated. Whatever. Ass clown.

Well, when I got to my locker that next morning Rachel came running over and told me there was an emergency in our auditorium. She grabbed me by the hand and pulled me with her. When we got inside, the rest of our club was already standing there near the stage and Vocal Adrenaline was ON stage, dressed in their fancy matching outfits. Then Jesse appeared in the middle of them all.. I KNEW IT! He's like a big fat Benediction Arnold!

So of course Rach got pissed, and was like 'what's going on Jesse why are you with them' and he's like 'oh because i'm a big DOUCHE who was using you' and I tried to step up and say something 'til I felt Rach's little hand wrap around my arm. She whispered to me "It's not worth it Finn.. YOU already win, not him." I smiled at her and kissed her on the cheek. Then Vocal Adrenaline performed a Queen song thinking they're so tough and everything. They were trying to psych us out. Whatever.

We got back to the choir room to find they'd also snuck in and T.P.'d our whole room! Aww man, this shit is getting real now. I know Rachel doesn't like violence, she says it's BARBARIC (yeah she taught me that word too).. But dammit we can't let this go. I glanced around the room and saw Puck. He nodded at me, and I knew EXACTLY what he was thinking because well, we've known each other forever. And we've dealt with crap like this in football, the other team trying to pull pranks and throw us off our game. I might still want to punch Puck in the face, but not as much as I want to punch a certain arrogant little jackass who can't bowl. Me and Puck might not be in the best place as far as being friends goes, but this was a pride thing, for our TEAM, our school.. and for Rachel. Even Puck would defend Rach for something like this.

So I decided I needed to set aside all the crap from baby gate for now.. And really, I have Rachel now, so it didn't hurt as bad anymore. Puck and me met in secret after school. He wanted to go set a fire on their campus - I had to shut that shit down, I was NOT cool with getting arrested for arson! Then he wanted to go to Jesse's house and kidnap him and tie him to the goalpost in his tighty-whities.. LOL. Ok I almost agreed to that one.. But in the end we decided it was their whole TEAM who needed paybacks, so we went and let the air out of all the tires on their Hummer cars. At first we started just unscrewing the valve caps to let them deflate but it was taking too long, so I let Puck talk me into the real brainiac decision to slash their tires. Oops. Yeah, of course we got caught. Fortunately their coach didn't wanna see us go to jail, but they did make us pay to replace all the tires.

The next day Jesse asked Rachel to meet him in our parking lot. He told her he wanted to apologize and give closure to their 'love affair' - that's HIS words, definitely NOT mine! And Rach is so trusting, she just went alone to meet him.. Believe me if I had known what was going on I wouldn't have let her go out there alone, or maybe not at all. Because when she did finally get there she found out it was a trap! Him and a bunch of his V-A pals were waiting for her, when they got her in the 'hurt locker' they EGGED HER! Even Jesse did it - walked right up to her and smashed an egg right in her face!

I only found all of this out afterwards, when I came into the choir room for glee and found Rach telling everyone in the club what had happened. She saw me come in and ran over to hug me and BEGGED me not to do anything. I guess she was too afraid of what kinda trouble I might get into when I found out about this. But Puck jumped up and so did the rest of the guys - even Kurt! - and we intended to go make some omelets outta one St. Jerkass's face.. Until Mr Schue stopped us.

Yeah he went all teacher-authority like on us for a change and wouldn't let us leave. Then he asked Rach to call St. Jerk and he invited their team back to McKinley for a private lesson in our auditorium. He had us show V-A that they can't psych us out, and we performed a FUNK song for them - something V-A can't do. Well, the song was awesome and everything, but I don't know how much of an impact it really had on V-A. (It impacted me though, since at least I got to see Rach in these teeny-tiny shorty shorts O-M-G she's so HOT!)

IT'S ALL ABOUT THE JOURNEY - TIME TO MAN UP!

We're finally here. Everything we worked so hard for all year, taken slushies to the face for, struggled internally as a team and as individuals, put up with crap from most of the whole school, and THIS is the end result: REGIONALS!

We're about to go on and she's standing like 20 feet away from me, looking so damn beautiful and happy and confident right now that I have to remind myself to breathe.

When I think about how my year started off, helping Puck toss Kurt in the dumpster and not even knowing who Rachel Berry was - except for being some random girl in short skirts I ran into in the hallway sometimes - I can't believe how we ended up where we are. I didn't know any of these kids, didn't even wanna know them… and now they are like my family. A bit dysfunctional sometimes, true, but isn't that what a family is? I wouldn't trade them for anything now.

Mr Schue was only my Spanish teacher at the start of the year, but now he's my musical mentor and sort of a second father figure. Ok, I still can't speak a word of Spanish - well, except Sí and Lo Siento and Mi Casa. But maybe that's all I need:

Yes - I know I can't exist without Rachel anymore. She means the world to me. There's nothing I wouldn't do to try and make her happy, the way she makes me happy just by her BEING.

I'm sorry - for all the times I screwed up or wasn't there for her when she needed me to be, and for not getting there sooner. For taking so long to realize she is my everything. (and probably for all the times I'm gonna need to say it in the future because let's face it - I mess up a lot)

My home - is wherever she is.

These are the only things I need to be able to say to Rachel. I think I can sum it up much easier than all that though. She's looking at me and smiling and her face is just BEAMING. I'm so dazzled by her. This tiny girl across from me actually glows brighter than the sun. She's like a magnet drawing me in, and I suddenly find my feet pulling me towards her, because I need to tell her something before I can say another word or sing or another note.

She turned to face me as I got within just a couple of steps away from her. "Break a leg" she smiles at me.

"I love you." I looked into her gorgeous brown eyes and said it without hesitation. It's just that simple. I do. I really really do. I love Rachel Berry and I wanna shout it from the rafters! Just when I think she can't get any more beautiful, I see her reaction to my words and she just takes my breath away again. She doesn't even need to say it back, it's written all over her face, and in the music of her voice.

And what a VOICE. A few seconds later we went out into that auditorium and brought the HOUSE DOWN. We were FIRE. Me and Rachel, singing 'Faithfully', and it was ELECTRIC. I don't even care if the judges think we won - I WON. I get to go home knowing this girl is my whole world from now on.

Before we came here today I already knew I loved her. I've probably known it from the day I first met her, just, dude brain was just getting in the way. Plus, I needed to learn. Learn to 'speak Rachel'. Learn about life and that things are NOT always the way I believed they were. Learn that friendship and love are way more important than popularity and status. Learn what a REAL friend is… learn what it means to love someone. Rachel taught me more than she'd ever know this year - and she forced me to teach myself a few things too. I love Rachel Berry and nothing can ever change that now.

A/N – WELL THERE YA HAVE IT, SOPHOMORE YEAR!

And yes, I cut the beautiful iconic stairwell kiss.. It's one of my VERY favorite scenes from the entirety of season 1 - but in this story, I think the truck scene at Sean's house was much more powerful, and we didn't need all the baggage of 'Judge Sue Sylvester' mixed up in the story. Are you sad about that scene being cut? Did I miss anything else that should have been added for this year? (I think that's why ONESHOTS exist - to backtrack LOL - so LMK?)

I do wish Finn and Burt had more onscreen father-son time in the show. Mr Schue just wasn't enough to fill that gap for Finn - and face facts, BURT'S SO AWESOME! Any extra time with him would have been welcomed!

I hope you're enjoying the story so far… loads more to come! and don't forget, REVIEWS ARE SUPER-AWESOME! :)

Stay tuned for the start of JUNIOR YEAR… ooooh some of the most dreaded story arcs in Fincheldom are coming up… I'm thinking hard about things that need to be fixed, don't worry my little Finchelings, I got us! LOL

DID YOU KNOW LETS US GIVE POLLS? There's a poll available on my author profile page, if you're the sort of person who likes responding to such things.. :)

Don't forget, Finn's playlist and the companion playlist for this and my other stories are all still on YouTube at my channel, at anothergleekgirl

Chapter opening - Song Credit: 'ALL OF ME' by John Legend.. And here's the complete lyrics, just because this song is SO FRIGGIN AWESOME!

What would I do without your smart mouth?

Drawing me in, and you kicking me out

You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down

What's going on in that beautiful mind?

I'm on your magical mystery ride

And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright

My head's under water, But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me, Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose, I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh-oh

How many times do I have to tell you?

Even when you're crying, you're beautiful too

The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood

You're my downfall, you're my muse

My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues

I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

My head's under water, But I'm breathing fine

You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

'Cause all of me, Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose, I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh-oh

Give me all of you, oh

Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts

Risking it all, though it's hard

'Cause all of me, Loves all of you

Love your curves and all your edges

All your perfect imperfections

Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you

You're my end and my beginning

Even when I lose, I'm winning

'Cause I give you all of me

And you give me all of you

I give you all of me

And you give me all of you, oh-oh