A/N: EDIT: Well, that's unfortunate.
Not much in the way of feedback here, and to make matters worse, it seems the trolls are out of hibernation and back in force once more.
*siiiiiigh*
And here I was hoping folks might enjoy a bit of humor instead of romance this time around. Some levity in these crazy times, ya know?
Seems I hoped for too much.
Sorry if this seems short; can't think straight today, having a terrible time and a tonne of pain. Still writing despite that. Wanna put a smile on folk's faces. That, and get all my Elden Ring updates done this month. I've already accomplished that for most of them.
Only two more to go~!
Sadly, Dear Consort Eternal needs more time -longer chapter- and Forget Me Not...well, that one might end early, seeing as its one of my weaker stories.
Time for the usual disclaimer: Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story, and others. If folks don't like this, it won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular? POOF! Gone. Completely. I'm working two jobs -might need a third soon!- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy. So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.
Now for your questions, comments, and concerns. We'll keep it brief this time 'round:
Q: Can Marika see through Melina's eyes? Experience what she does?
A: Oh, yes. But she has no control over her. Not to say Melina won't interact with her "Mama" of course. She will. We'll get to that.
Q: There gonna be romance here?
A: There IS romance further down the line, but the humor takes primary focus.
Q: So what at the stakes here?
A: Make no mistake, there is a plot. Slifer and I have some twists in store, but it wouldn't do to show our hand early now, would it?
Q: Protecc the Little!Melina, m'lord?
A: Indeed. Harm a hair on her head and you've an angry fox coming for yours
As ever, I own no references, quotes, memes or themes. Not a wit or a one. They're merely tributes to those far greater than I.
Here we go. Hopefully this puts a smile on your face and warms your heart.
Looking forward to chatting with you all once I get back from work~!
Chapter title is a pun of course, because guess who's here...
"Is that your kid?"
"Eh, guess you could say its...complicated.
"Papa!"
...that kind of complicated."
~?
Don't Be Crabby (Interlude)
Far beyond the stars in the heart of its cosmos, the Greater Will seethed.
Its constellation of perfectly arrayed stars flashed with furious fire, boiling in the void. Were it not for that despicable Radahn holding back the stars, it would happily rain solar hellfire down upon the world that defied it. But it couldn't. So long as he willed it could not act overtly. Only subtly...
Curse Marika and her hastily created Child.
Blast the Child for leading its second Beast astray.
Confound the beast for making pretend he was a man.
"I shall do unto you a travesty, Beast. And when your falsehoods of civility are but ash in your mouth, you will burn this world clean in your wrath."
The answer was simple. This "Child" must die.
It still had minions in the Lands Between.
All would proceed apace...
(.0.0.0.)
"Bouncy~!"
"Hey! Careful up there!"
Melina, as Naruto soon learned, was an energetic child.
Very energetic indeed! Even now she giggled as she swayed to and fro on his shoulders, gripping onto his hair for dear life while he ran full tilt across the wastes. He craned his his back to look at her for a moment and was rewarded with a cherubic grin. She kicked the back of her legs against his chest, trying to spur him on. Almost tickled, really.
"Enjoying that, are you?"
She grinned down at him, lone eye sparkling with glee, hair bobbing in the wind. "Yes!"
Always one for short sentences, this one. Then again, she was a child after all.
"Faster, papa! Faster!"
Urk, his heart! Pure child. Must protect this one at all costs. Faster it was, then.
A seamster he most assuredly was not, but he'd managed to fashion a crude sling of sorts for the girl to rest in while he ran. She'd had a short nap in it some time ago, woken up, then promptly clamored onto his back for a piggyback ride instead. How she'd managed to cling on this long, he had no idea. He wasn't about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Girl had a good grip on his hair. Better to have her close then where someone might snatch her. There had been more than a few attempts from the monsters in these parts already.
As for him, he didn't really know where to go, but he'd let his legs lead the way. Hadn't failed him thus far.
Likewise, he had no idea he'd wandered into Liurnia of the Lakes. There was no need to hold back now for fear of missing anything; he ran full tilt, determined to put as much distance between him and that weird tree as possible. His feet carried him back the way he'd come; away from the capital and that cranky 'ol curmudgeon with his cane. Yup. Skipped right over that ornery bastard. He'd deal with him sooner or later. Or never. Hadn't decided yet.
"So," he slowed to a jog and risked a glance up at his young ward, "Where you wanna go next?"
Melina pursed lips, little face scrunching up in thought. Her good eye looked across the horizon. Settled upon something. She thrust a finger forth. "Castle!"
"What, that?" Naruto followed her gaze. There was indeed a castle-like structure looming in the distance, easily visible against the fading light. "Hmm, you think your mama's there?"
Her head bobbed! "Mmm!"
Worked for him. For now, he wasn't in any hurry to pick a fight, not with a little one to look after.
Please. A sudden voice startled him. That girl is the hope of this world. Cherish her.
...strange. "Kurama? You say something?"
"Don't look at me."
"Fiyah!"
"Eh?"
Naruto craned his neck and found Melnina pointing at something over the treeline near the lake.
A plume of smoke drew his eyes, carrying a faint scent on the wind against the setting sun. He hadn't a clue what it might be, but whatever it was, it smelled absolutely appetizing. Made his gut twist into knots. When was the last time he'd eaten something? Nevermind that, when had Melina...?
His stomach growled anew. Melina made a plaintive noise and clutched at her own tummy.
Neither of them had a thing to eat in the last six hours.
"Huh. Civilization. Hopefully they have some food...
Guess the castle could wait...
(.0.0.0.)
Rennala sneezed.
How curious indeed.
"Is someone speaking of me?"
(.0.0.0.)
Big Boggart was nobody's fool.
A blackguard he may well be, but not a stupid one. In fact, he considered himself a right reasonable fellow. He knew when to pick a fight and when to walk away, when to stand his ground and act tough, and of course when to not mess with a bloke. There were certain folks you just didn't much about with. Like that bloody Dung Eater...or the blond, blue-eyed bastard marching toward him.
Once more, Boggard was no fool.
Anyone traveling about in these troubled times was either a madman or a fighter. This one wading through the shallows toward his humble shack looked very much like the latter...even if he did have a kid riding on his shoulders. Rare, that. He didn't see many traveling with children. Not these days, not merchants, Tarnished or otherwise. Almost made him smile, it did.
Almost.
Unfortunately the bugger was headed right his way and didn't seem keen on slowing down.
"Hey, there!" he waved a tattered sleeve in his direction. "We saw your fire! Any chance you got room for two more?"
Boggart puffed up his chest. "What are you lookin' at?" he glared the pair's way. "You trying to start something, mate?"
"Nothing at all." the blond flashed him a disarming grin and paused some distance away. "Just wondering if you wouldn't mind a little company tonight."
Boggart very much would but somehow he doubted this bloke would take no for an answer. "What're you doing with a little'un?" he said instead. "This ain't no place for a child."
The runt was eyeing his pot of prawn too, a finger to her lips. He had half a mind to smack her hand away if she made a grab for them. Half a mind. Not a whole mind. Poor kid looked like she was starving, and the blond wasn't much better off. It didn't help when she whimpered.
"Hungry...
.
..
...blast his bleeding heart.
"Alright, toss me some runes and you can share me fire. An' don't try nothin' either!" Couldn't be too careful with lot like this about. He might have friends waiting in the trees after all. "Make any funny moves and I'll bash your skull."
Much to his surprise, the blond did, in fact, have runes. A great number of them. More than enough to pay his way forward. Boggart accepted them happily.
"You're a shrewd one, mate. Still, you sure its a good idea to be prancing about with a tyke?"
The blond's affable smile withered away. "She stays with me."
Nope, nope, nope! Not going near that minefield "Your bloody idea, mate. Don't come crying to me later if she gets lost. She got a name?"
...Melina."
The girl waved.
"Huh. Fancy. And you?"
"Naruto." A hint of his old smile returned. "And you are...?"
Blast. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained he supposed. "M'name's Boggart."
"Braggart?"
He scowled. "Boggart!"
"Alright, alright, wasn't tryin' to be rude...
Still the blond lingered, not willing to approach. He let the little lass clamor off his back, but she didn't stray far from his side. Her lone eye regarded him with naked curiosity, considering him as one might an interesting animal. Boggart found he didn't much like that either; almost felt if someone were watching him through this little lass, observing him, judging him...
"You would be correct." a voice like warm honey trickled into his ear. "Thou shalt these two the shelter they seek or I shall be most...displeased.
A cold shiver shot down his spine. Marika's tits, that almost sounded like the queen herself.
'Maybe I've had a bit too much prawn today...
"Oh, piss off!" Boggart's nerves couldn't take anymore of this stress! "What is it now?! Why ya lookin' at me like that?!"
The girl -Melina!- touched a finger to her lips, and like any child, repeated what she'd just heard. "Piss...?"
Naruto face turned thunderous. "Wanna run that by me again?"
"Sorry!" He held up a gloved hand to stave him off. "You want some of me prawn, eh, missy? Freshly cooked it is." she scampered forward as he offered up her prize. "Here, hold out your palms. I'll give ye some."
Melina held up her hands eagerly.
"Alright, then. Here." he ladled it atop her fingers. "Its yours. Careful now, its hot."
"Kay!" Her head bobbed and she granted him a grin. "Thank you!" Quick as can be, she took a bite. Her entire body went still. Then her eye lit up. A second bite followed the first as she squealed happily. "Mmm! S'good!"
Naruto tapped the back of her head with one finger. "Don't talk with your mouth full."
"M'sorry...
...adorable little lass. Boggart could see why the blond was so keen on protecting her.
"You look like you've got plenty of runes on ye." he turned his gaze on her minder in turn as Melina dug into her meal. "I could be persuaded to sell you some other bits too, if'n ya like."
A blond brow rose. "How much would staying the night cost?"
...hundred runes?"
Bloody bleeding heart he was, makin' it that cheap.
Naruto forked it over, shouldered his pack, and plonked down on a hickory stump beside him.
"You're Tarnished, ain'tcha? No?" a frown touched Boggart's face beneath the mask when the blond frowned at him. "Can't you see it then, the guidance of grace, I mean?
His frown deepened. "No idea what you're talking about.
"I can't see it at all no more myself. Makes no bloody sense anyway. Why some no name shiiiiidiot," Boggart corrected himself quickly when Melina looked up from her meal, looking fit to repeat that particular word and land him a heap of trouble, "like me should get called to the Lands Between. Cruel bloody joke, you ask me." He was jabbering now, he knew, trying to keep him distracted, keep him from stoving his head in. "Maybe something when tits up with it. Maybe...its been broke for a good long while The Erdtree, I'm sayin."
"That's what its called? The big tree?"
Boggart barked a laugh and offered him some prawn. "You been livin' under a rock, mate?"
"Nah," Naruto bit into it, swallowed, then flashed him a grin. "Got kidnapped by some star-thingy and fell outta the sky."
.
..
...star-what-now?" confusion rattled him. "You're havin' me on."
The warrior shook his head and bit into another piece of prawn. "Really wish I was."
He could seen through the bloke's shirt, the myriad of Runes etched into his skin. When the blond bent over to take another bite, so too was Boggart granted another glimpse. They were all over his chest, stretching near toward his back. Didn't rightly know where those came from. They weren't any of the Great Runes those bleedin' demigods had. So whose were they?
Wait. Star, he'd said.
Fallen out the sky, he said.
Boggart felt his very soul clench.
Had the Greater Will snatched this one up, carved runes into him, and flung him down here...? Nope. Way above his paygrade. Don't think about it! Ignorance was bliss...!
...fair enough." he said at length. "Never met someone with a taste for prawn I couldn't trust. We'd make good mates, I reckon." He flicked a gaze to Melina, absently handed the little lass more prawn when she asked, then eyed the dwindling prawn in his pot. Supplies were running low. He'd plenty of food for himself mind, but he hadn't expected guests tonight, and it showed. "Tell you what. You look like you can handle yourself. Bring me one of those giant lobsters, and you'll have your fill of prawn for life. On the house."
Naruto perked up. "No strings attached...?"
"Nope. I'm a man of me word."
"Deal!"
(.0.0.0.)
...what in the blue hell?
Blaidd gawped openly at what he was seeing, his maw wide and tongue lolling before lifting the binoculars to his face again. There it was again, the sight that had continued to baffle him for the past ten minutes since he had spotted the dot on the waterlogged horizon.
A young blond tarnished… riding on the back of a Giant Crayfish with a small redhead on his shoulder.
He chuffed at the absurdity of it and couldn't help but peel back his lips in a lupine grin.
"My, you seem like quite the amusing fellow."
Ranni must be told of this...
A/N: More shenanigans await! Siifer and I should have the next chapter ready soon.
That is, if you want to see this continued.
Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this particular story, and others.
If folks don't like this, it won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular? POOF! Gone. Completely. I'm working two jobs -might need a third soon!- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy. So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.
Aaaand there we go. As ever, reviews keep me alive. Without them, I cannot write. So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review...Would You Kindly? And have some previews -potential blot bin things- that I'm working on.
Things that may or may not become stories in the far flung future.
(Previews)
Rennala raised her head.
She felt a curious lessening in her madness. As though a pressure were being eased from her skull...
Big Boggart frowned down at her. "What? Why ya lookin' at me like that?"
Melina wrinkled her nose. And then. "Uncle!"
Naruto pitched back with a cackle.
Milicent opened her eyes.
She found herself staring at a starry cosmos.
The Greater Will leered down at her. "You shall do my bidding, child of rot. In turn, I grant thee a boon..."
The Two Fingers were told. The "Child" must be hunted down. And slain.
"Fighting a dragon with a kid in a sling...why meeeeee?"
Melina knew what shadow clones were; clever little lass that she was, she absolutely delighted in them.
R&R~!