A/N: EDIT: Hardly any feedback, eh? Guess this is what I get for updating on the night before Halloween.

And really? Folks telling me to delete this? I thought folks would enjoy a silly, humorous story. Guess not.

Why write something if folks don't like it...? T_T

In other news, someone reminded me that I forgot to update No Strings this month. Fixed that no!

We'll have Strike a Match -hopefully!- updated tomorrow. Seems fitting, giving that's Halloween and Bleach is spooooky.

Time for the usual disclaimer: Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story, and others. If folks don't like this, it won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular? POOF! Gone. Completely. I'm working two jobs -for now- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy.

So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.

Now for your questions, comments, and concerns. We'll keep it brief this time 'round:

Q: Can we get a Melina POV?

A: Sure. It'll be a simple one, mind you. She is a child after all...

Q: Are...are you going to write what I think you are?

A: Depends on what you think I'm doing now, doesn't it?"

Q: Ayo, when we gonna see Melina's mama? Marika technically counts, doesn't she?

A: *zips lips*

Q: Romance?

A: Eventually. Naruto's a bit busy raising a little one at the moment. For now the focus is primarily humor, and what a merry bit of madnes sit is!

Alright then, I've kept you waiting long enough.

As ever, I own no references, quotes, memes or themes. Not a wit or a one. They're merely tributes to those far greater than I.

Here we go. Hopefully this puts a smile on your face and warms your heart.

Looking forward to chatting with you all once I get back from work~!

Chapter title is another pun, but for whom...?

"Its not what a warrior fights WITH, its what they fight FOR that counts."

~?

Mother Knows Best

"Bloody hell! You actually did it?!"

...is that doubt I detect?"

"No, no! Not at all!"

Boggart cursed himself for the slip and waved his hands quickly to stave off Naruto's scowl. Never before had he been more grateful for his iron mask; it hid the complete and utter gobsmacked expression he wore as the whiskered warrior dropped not one, not two, but three lobsters corpses before him. And he was still riding a fourth like it was a horse or something! Blasted blond bastard. He didn't have so much a scratch on him. Neither did his kid; still snug as a bug in a rug in that sling of hers. What kind of strength did it take to wrangle that many monsters and come away unscathed?

He didn't want to know.

"You wanted one, but we stumbled into these two on the way back." Naruto hopped down off his chosen mount, letting it gurgled angrily. Said gurgle stopped abruptly as Melina ran a hand over his claw. "Hope you don't mind."

'Mind?! Like hell I do! There was enough here to feed me for months!'

A tiny hand tugged at his sleeve. Belatedly he realized Melina had squirmed free from her sling when he wasn't looking; now she was gazing at him intently.

Big Boggart frowned down at her, not sure what to make of her expression. "What? Why ya lookin' at me like that?"

Melina wrinkled her nose. Beamed, now. And then. "Will the food be ready soon, uncle?"

Naruto pitched back with a cackle. Boggart absolutely wheezed.

Cute little runt. Even in sleep she was just too pure. How anyone could say no to her was beyond him. Not bloody fair. How the blond bloke was rearing something ilike that baffled him. There were monsters and demigods and goddess knew what else about, yet here he was trekking about with a tyke. Well, ladies did love children. Was that it, then? Maybe this was some kind of gimmick to gain maidens or something?

And that bloody blond was still laughing!

"Laugh it up, you! Hurry up and help me crack these shells open. We can cook 'em right up...

Several hours of work later saw the two of them digging into an overflowing pot of prawn, the sun creeping low in the sky once more.

"So you're headed north, then?" he frowned behind his mask. "If its knowledge you're after, then that academy would be the best place to look."

Naruto looked up from his meal. "Academy?"

Boggart jerked a thumb over his shoulder to Raya Lucaria. "You really were livin' under a rock, weren't ya?

A blond brow rose. Right. Almost forgot who this bloke was. As if he needed a reminder.

"Are you going to stay here?"

He knew a choice lay before him. If he had half a lick of sense, he'd tell this blond bastard to sod off right now. Only proper, that. Sticking with him was bound to bring a whole heap of trouble. Really, what did he stand to gain from any of this? Nothing. Might be best just to bugger off when he wasn't looking and head somewhere else. The Lands Between were vast. Surely there had to be a place for him to hide. Not like he could track him down all the way out in the boonies anyway.

Or he could help him. Aid him in his quest to do...whatever the hell he was doing. 'Me?! A hero? Piss on that."

It wasn't even something he said out malice; if anything he pitied the poor bloke. Didn't seem to know a damn thing about the Lands Between. He wasn't going to get far like that. Someone had to fill him in one way or the other. Might as well be him. Who knew? Maybe with a friend like that, he might actually be able to...nah. It was just that, a pipe dream.

Even so, he found he wanted to try.

...I'll catch up to ya when I'm done here. Might head over to the Altus Plateau after. I'm sure the kid won't mind...

"Shhh." Naruto held up a finger and hissed softly. "She's sleeping."

Boggart craned his neck over, just to be certain she was safe.

She was...albeit not at all as he expected.

Sure enough, little Melina lay tucked against Naruto's lobster steed, sound asleep. The crustacean had curled around her akin akin to a cat, shielding her with a broken pincer.

"Huh." Boggart chortled softly. "Would you look at that...

(.0.0.0.)

Melina dreamed.

There was a light in her mind, a strange glimmering golden shiny thing that filled her world burned the darkness away. It felt warm. It felt good. Safe. Almost like papa, but different. The light didn't burn; it wrapped itself around her like a nice comfy blanket and held her close, humming a haunting melody she couldn't quite remember.

But she couldn't keep her eye closed forever; eventually she had to open it.

And so she saw.

A beautiful lady wrapped in stood in the center of it, her eyes sharp, hair spun from gold. She felt...familiar. Where had she seen her before?

"At last!" The woman flung her arms up with a frustrated try. "You're finally asleep! I've been trying to contact you all this time!"

Little Melina tilted her head at her. Tilted it some more now. Frowned.

Aha! She knew tho this was! It all made sense now!

She thrust a finger at her. "Mama!"

The woman jolted. "Pardon!?"

Melina didn't budge.

"Yes, well!" the strange lady coughed into a fist and looked aside. Why was her face red?. "I well...I suppose I did create you. T'would be remiss of you not to call me such, I suppose.

Big words! Didn't make any sense! She lifted her arms, trying to confirm her suspicions. If she really was her Mama. "Up...?"

...very well." The woman crouched down. "Come here, fragment. Let me have a look at you.

She scooted closer. "What's a fragment?"

"It is what you are, child." the strange lady took her into her arms and lifted her up, holding her close, allowing her to look up at her. "You are a piece of me...albeit smaller than I intended. Nothing to be done about it now I suppose...

Yay! She'd been right all along! She had a mama! Even if she did speak funny.

"Listen to me, little one." the woman spoke again before her thoughts could run away with her. "Our time here is short. I can only speak to thee in thine dreams and I have used much of my strength to reach thee at this distance. I shan't be able to do so again for quite some time."

Aw. That made her sad. "...you're going away already?"

"Only for a little while." she kissed her forehead. It made Melina feel all warm and fuzzy. "You shall see me again, but listen. You need to keep the new Beast away from the tree, child.

Beast? Who was a beast?" "Why?"

"Because the tree is bad.

"Okay."

"Good." She booped her nose. "And don't call that oaf papa! You come from finer stock than he.

Anger sparked.

Her brow furrowed. No!"

The woman recoiled. "Now see here-

"NO!" she stomped a foot. "Papa is papa!"

"Peace!" The golden lady held up a hand. "The situation may be tenuous, but it can yet be salvaged."

Melina growled angrily.

"Stubborn child!" Her "Mama" growled right back. "You truly are a piece of me. So be it. Call him papa if you wish. 'Tis clear I cannot dissuade you from your chosen course."

Melina tilted her head, not comprehending a bit of that. "You talk funny."

...you didn't understand any of that, did you?"

A shake of the head.

"Listen." she held her up to eye level, pressing her forehead to hers. "Tree. Is. Bad. Do you understand? Under NO circumstances are you to let him inside. Are we clear?"

"Mmm!" Melina nodded, comprehending that at least. "Tree is bad. Keep papa away from it. Okay. I can do that."

"Good girl. Shall I hold you awhile until you wake? It has been some time since I held any of my children.

She drifted off once more to the faint sound of singing.

(.0.0.0.)

The Greater Will acted.

Such was its namesake, its very reason for being. It was not called the "Middling Will" and certainly not the "Lesser Will!" Nay! It was Greater! Superior! Such was in its name!

And for such heresy, it would use all the mans at its disposal, every pawn it could.

The Two Fingers received its command, those who yet remained.

The "Child" must be hunted down and slain.

The Hunt began. Now.

(.0.0.0.)

...awaken."

Milicent opened her eyes.

She found herself staring into a starry cosmos.

Where was she? She remembered lying in the cathedral, slowly crumbling away. But now...?

"Child of Rot." The Greater Will leered down at her. "You shall do my bidding. In turn, I grant thee a boon..."

(.0.0.0.)

Naruto glared at academy guards.

To be fair, they didn't glare back; why would they, when they weren't even aware of him anymore? They thought he'd fled after his first attempt to breach the gate. Gone running when it became clear that no amount of words or negotiation would possibly sway them. He'd doubled back to a distance instead, gauging his options...

.

..

...well, what few there were.

He'd expected some form of resistance, but this bordered on absurd.

All well and good, but he had Melina in her sling and he really, REALLY didn't want to expose her to this.

The defenders would let none pass-were determined to give their lives in defense of the gate. Nothing less than complete and utter annihilation -perhaps not even that!- would keep them from fulfilling their duty. Running past them was certainly an option, but he didn't like the idea of having them at his back. Nor was stealth an option; he'd already gone that route. He couldn't even knock them out because they seemed to be under a spell of some sort; one that forced them back to wakefulness the moment he sent them under.

But to just kill them because they were in his way...well, that didn't sit right with him, you know?

"Then settle for half measures." As ever, Kurama came up with a solution before he could. "Blitz 'em. Break their arms and legs. They'll be angry, but they won't be able to chase you. You can always heal them later."

"Sounds fair to me." with a sigh, he turned to look down as his ward. "Melina, cover your ears and close your eyes. Keep them that way until I tap your forehead.

"Yes, papa...

She did so with a chagrined chirrup. He bound her tightly to his back, making certain she was safe in her harness.

From there, he adopted a runner's crouch, hands to the floor, one leg pushed back against a crumbling wall. It would do. His body blazed gold. Eldritch black marks scrawled across his body, causing his back and chest - the runes carved within!- to itch. This felt like overkill. It undoubtedly. The guardians of the gate weren't even remotely prepared for what was coming.

"On my mark. Ready?"

Naruto felt his eyes flash red. "Set!"

They burst forward in a singular flash. "Go!/Go!"

To call what followed a fight would've been generous. He was not. It was a slaughter. They didn't see him coming; didn't even know he was there, until he landed among them. Blows flew. Bones snapped loudly. Bodies hit the floor. Naruto closed his ears to the screams that followed. He was the light, and the light mowed down to those who barred its bath.

Almost before he knew it, the deed was done. They didn't even last ten seconds.

And yet for all that.

Not a single soul perished.

Everyone survived...though some might wish they hadn't.

"Well, alright then!" he clapped his hands, surveying the groaning bodies before him. "Let that be a lesson to you. Anyone wanna get up?"

A chorus of groans and curses greeted him. Still, he could've sworn he'd forgotten something...

"Oh, right." he tapped Melina's forehead. "You can look, now."

Melina creaked an eye open. Balked now, at the bodies sprawling the floor. He winced, expecting shock. Fear, at the very least.

"Papa's amazing!"

"Heh." he thumbed his nose, silently glad he'd spared her the sight of such carnage. "If you say so."

Satisfied with his handiwork, he turned

In sparing the defenders, he unwittingly created a new legend.

But that is a story for another time.

Before long, he reached the gate proper. There too, he found his pat barred. Not by might of men but magic. Sealed by a mighty blue barrier that loomed large over the academy, there was no hope of egress. He couldn't even risk smashing through it; for fear of what might happen to the academy within. The whole place might collapse and then where would he be?!

No, this required a more...delicate touch.

With a long-suffering sigh he sat down and delved into his supplies.

Boggart had all sorts of odds and ends for sale. He'd bought them all. Cleaned him right out. Now he drew forth a large brush and a pot of ink. Sat down. Spread a scroll before him. Dipped the brush into a pot

"Alright, time to see if this whole Uzumaki sealing business is hereditary or self-taught...

He hoped it was the former. If not...they were going to be here awhile.

Naruto heaved a sigh. "Might wanna get comfortable, Mel...

His daughter plonked down beside him.

"M'kay."

(.0.0.0.)

Something had changed.

Rennala raised her head. "...?"

She felt a ripple in the pond of her mind.

It seemed strange to say after so long a time; but there it was. With each passing hour she felt her thoughts returning, sharpening, regaining their former luster. It wasn't a immediate thing rather, but the result of a great deal of time. A curious lessening in her thoughts. As though a pressure were being eased from her skull, poison leached from a wound.

She could sense a looming presence nearby; powerful, yet its proximity brought her peace. The closer it came, the more herself she became.

...curious."

It wasn't something she wanted. Not at first. Ignorance was bliss. There was peace in madness, serenity in insanity. But she had no say in the matter. Eventually she sensed the strength of runes themselves; that familiar burning beacon she'd learned to recognize long ago. Not just any runes, but Great Runes, a presence growing stronger with each passing moment.

And with it, the final fetters fell from her mind.

At last she looked about, her mind her own once more. What she beheld caused her stomach to sink. She saw her sweetings crawling upon the ground and for the first time, felt not love, but horror. These were not her dear daughter. These were abominations. Awful legless things made in her madness; in grief-filled sorrow. They looked upon her with dark eyes. Broken little dolls. Rennala recoiled.

"I am sorry, my dear." she closed her eyes and raised a hand. "I...have to go, now."

She had created these poor souls through the forbidden rite of Rebirth. It was the work of moments to end them. With naught a clenching of her finger she undid the horror she'd made. As one they turned to dust. Nary a sound was made in their passing. Empty robes fluttered to the floor, leaving their candlesticks to fall atop them.

Rennala dropped her amber egg, picked up her staff, walked over their remains, and did not look back.

There was work to do. She knew not how long this brief pang of sanity might last; only that she must make use of it while she could. The past tugged at her, old memories made manifest once more. She saw ghosts in the halls, specters of her family, happier times rising to haunt her. She grit her teeth against it and kept walking.

Her heart hurt.

Radagon. T'was all his fault. He would pay for this. She would have recompense.

Down through the academy she went, taking the secret paths to avoid the scholars. None challenged her. Perhaps they knew better.

Soon enough, she reached the lecture hall.

It was there that she found "him".

A great beast barred her path, a red-cloaked creature with tooth and claw.

She knew at a glance The red wolf of Radagon. Her husband's once-beloved pet. It growled at her now, gone feral in the absence of its master. Poor creature. It, at least, was blameless in her husband's deceit. She didn't miss the bodies of several scholars strewn about at its feet. Rennala felt no pity for them, half-eaten as they were. The fools had earned what they wrought, but ohmythewolfwaslookingratherangry...

"Dost thou not recognize me?" she called out to it. "You were but a pup whenst I saw thee last."

Apparently not. It bared its fangs at her, hackles rising in angry defiance.

Rennala's staff tapped down. She whispered a familiar cantrip under her breath, one known only to the royal family.

The wolf paused, having been trained to recognize such since its earliest days. Its tail twitched.

Rennala hummed. "Knoweth me now?"

It was like flicking a switch.

A happy yip and then it was upon her. The wolf lunged, but not to attack. Its body struck hers at speed, forcing Rennala to catch the beast of be pushed down to the ground. Even then it was a near thing. Heavy red paws planted on her shoulders in its haste to get at her and that was it. A rough tongue licked her face, causing her to sputter and fend it off.

"I'm happy to see you too, old friend." she laughed. "Let us pay our guest a visit, shall we?"

(.0.0.0.)

Naruto leaned back with a hearty sigh.

He'd done it. Well, it looked like he had. Maybe. Hopefully.

Hours upon hours of work, pieced together by nothing more than Kurama's advice and his own instinct.

Either this would work, or...well...maybe blow up in his face. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained. He raised a hand toward the barrier,

It fizzled before his very eyes. He hadn't done a damn thing. "Wha...?!"

As he looked on aghast the gate opened.

A tall woman stepped forth, clad in dark robes. Bright eyes gleamed at him from a dangerous visage; her eyes sharp, face framed by long midnight black hair cascading down her back. A great red beast loped behind her with cautious steps, considering them keenly. All of this was lost on him a moment later as the woman in question spoke.

"Who are you, good sir?"

"Who am I?!" His right eye twitched. "Who're you?! Ya ruined all my hard work!"

Melina's reaction proved more poignant. "Doggy!"

She all but buried her head deep into the russet red fur of the large wolf, little arms and legs clamping her to it like a limpet as she squealed in mirth. The red wolf loosed a happy bark and nosed her face. She latched on even harder, running her hands over its shaggy coat as she babbled like the child she was.

.

..

...the tension shattered.

"Sorrrrryyyyy…" Naruto dragged the word out in embarrassment, sending an apologetic look at their host. "Melina's kinda fond of animals."

"Hush, traveller, tis not a problem," The woman laughed, a refined bell-like sound that tinkled the air, There is no greater joy than witnessing the happiness of a sweeting, no?"

Naruto smiled softly.

No words needed to be said.

If he knew what was to come...he might've said otherwise.

A/N: Well, should this continue to be a story?

Hmm? What say you? Yay or nay! We need to hear from you guys!

Slifer's going to be doing the bulk of the next chapter; so it might take a bit, but we'll undoubtedly have it ready for you by the end of November.

Of course that is, if you want to see this continued.

Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this particular story, and others.

If folks don't like this, it won't be continued. Meaning that if the story itself ain't popular? POOF! Gone. Completely. I'm working two jobs -damn holidays!- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy. So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.

Aaaand there we go. As ever, reviews keep me alive. Without them, I cannot write. So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review...Would You Kindly? And have some previews -potential blot bin things- that I'm working on.

Things that may or may not become stories in the far flung future.

(Previews)

"Off with your clothes."

Naruto sputtered. "Excuse me?"

Rennala wasn't having it. She tugged his shirt off. " I need to see those runes on your back and chest.

"You may act like a grump, but you're really a big softy underneath it all, ain'tcha?

"Oi, oi!" Boggart waved his fist. "Say that again, I dare ya!

"Softy~!"

"Where will you go from here? Have you given any thought to your next destination?"

Not really." Naruto shrugged. "So long as she's happy, I'm good."

"Could you not...stay awhile? 'Tis safe here.

"Fighting a dragon with a kid in a sling...why meeeeee?"

Melina knew what shadow clones were; clever little lass that she was, she absolutely delighted in them.

Knives in the dark.

"Drop it!

"Awwww...

"RUN!"

"Did you have a bad dream?"

She hiccuped softly. Nodded.

"Alright, c'mon up here. There's plenty of room.

Melina needed no further prodding. She all but dove beneath the blankets.

EDIT: Hey, you made it! Thanks for reading!

Once more, we're sticking with the "Embers" rule for this story, and others. Meaning, if folks don't like this, it won't be continued. If the story itself isn't popular? I'll likely discontinue it. I'm working two jobs -holidays are kicking my ass!- so I barely have time to write; as such, I cannot afford to write something folks don't enjoy.

So by all means, speak up! Your voice matters! Make yourself heard! As ever, reviews are the fuel that sustain me. Without them I cannot write a single word. Simple as that. Working nearly all hours of the day keep me absurdly busy, and I can't bring myself to write something folks don't like.

Looking forward to chatting with you all when I get back from work~!

R&R~!