Third Time's the Charm

by SugarcaneSoldier

Dying again was much more painful the second time for Tanya von Degurechaff, but what came after was intriguing, to say the least, and she was nothing if not opportunistic. Taking the opportunity presented by Aqua would expand her opportunities by much more than she could have dreamed possible… but why did the good have to come with so much insanity!

26. Questions and a View

As Alderp moved about in his mansion grumbling about the extra time it took to bribe the inspectors that had popped up due to some small explosion caused by some girl, some observers would liken his massive, ungainly bulk to a bowling ball rolling down a lane about to hit a strike.

Others, if they heard said comparison, wouldn't have the faintest idea what 'bowling' or a 'lane' was, but they would understand the comparison anyway, due to the usage of 'ball' in the joke at his expense.

No one who made that joke in earshot of Alderp himself would laugh, though.

Alderp was dangerous, in certain senses. And, besides…

Alderp didn't care about such comparisons. He'd be out of this body soon enough, and then…

He grinned lecherously as he stepped into his room, well aware that anyone who looked upon him would think that he was quite disgusting. He also didn't care about that, since the only one who would be seeing him tonight would reluctantly feed on whatever emotions Alderp was feeling, even if he didn't like their taste.

He moved towards his bed and struggled to get on top of it. Now standing, he flicked the small switch located on his ceiling and stepped towards the cloth hanging from the back of his bed.

He stepped through the secret passage to the musty cellar that not even the servants knew existed, keeping a firm grip on the only thing that let him control the thing located inside.

Its mad ramblings echoed through the enclosed, dusty, stone room. "Yee- Yee- Alderp! You are looking for me? Ah, what delicious emotions!"

He glared at the Demon and sent a kick into its stomach. It was sent end over end, quickly tumbling into the rotting remains of what had once been barrels that had been destroyed long ago from age and Alderp's earlier attacks on this Demon.

To outsiders, the thing might have looked like a well-dressed man, clad in a black tuxedo that had looked rather expensive, when Alderp had first summoned the devil.

However, no matter how nice its lower face and hair looked, and how expensive its clothing had once been, it was nothing but a stinking, petty devil.

It was obvious that, no matter how expensive its clothing, it wasn't anywhere near as powerful as some of the oddly colored and humongous demons of legend, so Alderp had no problem kicking it around.

Plus, its clothing had long faded in value. The dark purple tie around its neck hadn't been correctly tied in a long time, and its hair was dirty and unkempt. Only its mask was as pristine as always.

Additionally, no matter how much he beat the thing, his face was a passive pout that looked odd. Why would something in its position, bound to do his bidding by the rock grasped in his sweaty, meaty palm, be passive about its situation, instead of angry or upset?

The rock could summon monsters and command them, but he had no choice in who or what it summoned. He would have gotten rid of Max and his annoying wheezing and his stupid expression, but the thing forgot about the deals that they made almost the moment they were finished as long as he wasn't released.

"Quiet! I'm going to be handing off that relic soon, so I have need of your powers," he snarled. The devil made that disgusting wheezing sound again, but Alderp paid it no attention.

"Soon… Lalatina will be mine!" he cried out. It was rather ingenious if he was honest with himself.

Because of the lack of Hero Candidates, more and more knights were being called up from the pitiful reserves the nobles still had and from whatever jobs they had doing light, easy work.

That meant his son – the son he only cared about because he could steal his body and marry Lalatina with it – wasn't present at any of his meetings.

Alderp knew that the formidable, dutiful Ignis Ford Dustiness wouldn't ever take Alderp's word about his son's ability and grace and not-horribleness without seeing the lad, however, and without his son there, Alderp had little chance to set something up between his son and Ignis's daughter.

He wanted to kick the Demon at the thought of all the wasted resources he'd spent on his son, but he ignored the desire.

Even Maxwell could count his bruises, and leaving too many might give the idiot a clue as to how long his imprisonment had really been.

Where one opportunity had passed, however, another had risen. He'd take the chance, even if he had to move up his plans by a few weeks.

He had heard from one of the managers in the adventurer's guild that a team of adventurers had been hired by the Shinfornea family. The easily-bribed idiot didn't know what they were doing, but he had assured him that the Princess's retainers had asked for their help.

Alderp knew that they must have asked for adventurers because of a need to be subtle.

He often did the same, after all. The only reason he bribed the manager so much was that he used adventurers for much the same purpose, and he didn't want his usage of them getting spread around if he didn't have to.

With his money, he made it so.

After being told so much by that manager, it was easy to put the pieces together: adventurers that lacked the discipline and power of most knights and nobles were good for subtly, so what did the retainers of the Princess need with subtly?

Why, to guard the Princess, of course!

With the economic trouble that Belzerg was going through and the unwillingness of his fellow nobles to help, it was obvious to see that she was probably leaving to meet with some foreign power to beg for cash.

She would, of course, return, and when she did…

Alderp grinned at the necklace in his other hand. It looked like a crescent of rays, as if the wearer's head were the sun or some famous relic shooting out beams of golden light.

This would be a wonderful gift to give the royal family. If she returned successfully, then they'd throw a banquet in the Princess's honor for having saved Belzerg again. If she had failed, then the party would be an attempt by the royal family to curry favor among the nobles to get the money they hadn't been able to get from whoever the Princess was visiting.

Not that he cared either way. As he turned to Maxwell, he began to instruct the devil on how he should be interfering with the perceptions and memories of the people at the hypothetical party. He needed to make sure this went perfectly, so simply asking him to do what he needed to wouldn't fly this time.

-OxOxO-

Iris sighed as she spurred on the Lizard runners. Both of her bodyguards had been quiet so far, and Iris didn't like it.

Maybe they felt slighted about the contract? Iris had discussed the pros and cons of using it with Rain and Claire, and her retainers' desire to make sure they had a bit of insurance had won out in the end.

In truth, while they did have numerous files about the girl that seemed to be Iris's copy, they didn't know her all that well.

She sighed. If Iris had known her more, she might have ordered that a contract be ignored despite her retainers' worries, but…

She frowned. Again, Iris increased the speed of the Lizard Runners, sending questioning looks towards her bodyguards as she did. They didn't so much as flinch at the increase in speed, though they did send each other halting looks.

Iris shook her head. Most people – nobles included – would have shown some sort of discomfort at going so fast…

Actually, most nobles probably would have beheaded a commoner so idiotic as to drive Lizard Runners this hard.

They were all in the driver's seats, though, so these two – and Iris herself, actually – wouldn't be protected by the barriers that encompassed the carriage itself.

Did they have that much faith in their special shields?

She sighed, wishing that she'd have a chance to see the two of them in action. She really wanted something nice to think about while she was talking to her betrothed about fixing their economic relationship.

She slowed down the Lizard Runners – it would be hard to speak with the wind rushing past them – and turned her head to her bodyguards.

"Where did you say that you learned all that economic stuff?"

Tanya felt her expression stiffen, and then sighed. "Like I told you yesterday, I learned a lot of things in high school. I don't remember everything, though…"

"Why not?" asked Viktoriya. Tanya didn't usually forget much, and even if she was acting… distant, she wouldn't refuse a question supported by the Princess.

Tanya sent a weak glare at Viktoriya, and she tried not to wince. She wasn't exactly sure why Tanya was upset at her now, or if it was from one of the previous slights against her.

Tanya looked to Iris, who after looking between Viktoriya and Tanya, blinked rapidly. "Oh, uh… yeah, why not?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "I didn't have to use that sort of information while… we were on the battlefield."

Iris seemed mollified by the simple answer, but Viktoriya only raised an eyebrow. Tanya huffed and continued. "Plus, I wrote down everything I learned – as well as some… insider information – and put it in those lock boxes I hid when we came back from Africa so I wouldn't have to remember that stuff if I needed it. It would have been nice and preserved in writing, instead of being subject to the ravages of time in my head."

Iris blinked as Viktoriya's gaze didn't waver from Tanya, who nodded to herself. "Yeah, I think I gave the… others information about how to open those boxes if I couldn't, so hopefully, they've used it to the best of their abilities. None of them are stupid, so they should be set for life… if they survive…"

Tanya trailed off, unhappy. Iris looked between the two of them, unhappily pouting. Who was she talking about, and why did Serebryakov look like she had just been told her favorite pet had died?

Viktoriya remained silent and unaware of the Princess's gaze. Weiss and Koenig – the only two officers of the 203rd to survive the Bloody Valkyrie and what had come… after – should have been able to use whatever Tanya left behind.

Assuming they believed the letter that Tanya told her she had set up to be delivered to the surviving members of the 203rd in the event of her death.

"Would you have used that economic stuff?" she asked slowly.

Tanya let out a bark of laughter. "Sure! Whether we won or lost, or whether we stayed in the army or left, I would have tried to use that stuff to coast by."

Viktoriya shook her head. That didn't sound all that… ambitious. "With your popularity and ability, you probably could have become the Chancellor."

Tanya scoffed, the glare she leveled at her adjunct only partly playful. "Are you kidding me? I definitely could have, I'm sure, but going anywhere near politics with how many people throughout Europa hated my guts would have painted a target the size of Norden on my back."

A short silence between their banter was quickly shot down by their chuckling at the idea that she could have been more hated, and they lapsed back into a – slightly less – uneasy silence.

Iris scowled again, wishing she could have been included in the conversation, or that she had a friend like the one Degurechaff seemed to have.

Iris doubted that she could have that kind of relationship with Revi with how much both Rain and Claire agreed that he was spoiled.

-OxOxO-

Soon enough, they ran into their first obstacle. A herd of Giant Bulls were blocking the dusty dirt road the carriage had been travelling on.

They looked… well, the name certainly fit. They looked like a herd of large, black cows with a wicked set of… spiked horns.

Iris stood, placing a hand on her sword. Finally!

Tanya grabbed Iris's hand, trying not to scowl too harshly. "What are you doing? We're the bodyguards, right? We can take care of this."

"What? But… I want to show off!"

Tanya shook her head, jerking Iris back down to the seat. "No. That isn't your job."

Iris sniffed a bit and shot a saddened look at Tanya, who rolled her eyes. "Oh please. I've used that look myself, and Viktoriya is much better at it than you are."

Iris sent a glare at her, and then sat back down, pouting. Both Tanya and Viktoriya rose and stepped down from the carriage.

"If you don't let me, I won't drive the Lizard Runners," she threatened.

Tanya looked worried, but Viktoriya brushed off the threat. "We can just learn the skill from our cards, now that we've seen you do it some more. We're Adventurers, after all."

Iris seemed to consider it, and she sighed dejectedly, crossing her arms and turning up her nose as she began to pout. Tanya turned to Viktoriya.

"We can?" she asked in Germanian. Viktoriya shrugged. "No clue, but she doesn't know anything about the job. She might think it's possible."

Tanya was stunned for a moment, but then she shook her head happily. Her adjunct was, after all, one of the best card players she knew.

She was better at bluffing than Tanya often gave her credit for…

Tanya hid a frown. That was probably why her current attempts at making her uncomfortable weren't working that well. She had obviously seen through Tanya's attempts to remain aloof as revenge for forcing her to wear that dress…

Oh, how she wished she just had artillery to use for training. Power grows from the barrel of a gun, as does a bit of easy revenge against someone used to dealing with that kind of-

"Should we get Lorelei? Iris will find out eventually, and maybe she'll think she's cool if she sees her fighting?" Viktoriya said, muttering the suggestion under her breath and startling Tanya out of her thoughts about her.

Tanya nodded as she spoke. They might as well, and since the beastman needed to get experience anyway, this would be a good opportunity. Giants Bulls weren't especially dangerous – or, she assumed they weren't, compared to things like the Demon King's Army – and she was fast enough that she wouldn't get hit.

Probably.

Tanya turned to Iris as Viktoriya went to the side of the carriage. If anyone got hurt, she had Healing spells, right?

Iris glanced between Tanya and Lorelei, suspicion brewing on her face. Tanya smiled, trying not to look the least bit apologetic. "There aren't actually three of us on this journey."

Iris tilted her head, and then leaned around the side of it to watch Viktoriya open the door. "Then… the door didn't actually come undone?"

Tanya nodded. "Yep. We didn't think that your retainers would appreciate her."

Iris pouted a bit. "Claire isn't that bad…"

She turned back to the herd of Giant Bulls, waiting to see who else they would have with them. Was it another commoner? She could understand that… though, what was another one, compared to Viktoriya's words against Iris and willingness to stand against a noble?

After some commotion by the side, Iris saw the two of them walk into her vision, facing the herd. Their third member was tall – almost as tall as her father was – clothed in a more sensible style than either of her comrades, and…

Iris blanched.

Ears? On the top of a head?

A Monsume?

She'd been within twenty feet of a beastman?

Iris put a hand on her sword, staring out as they began to walk forward.

She'd need to watch her back around them.

Iris didn't blame the two of them; they were from a very different place, if their innovative magic was anything to go by.

It was just a bit disconcerting to see people who didn't distrust that kind of creature, especially considering they were adventurers in Belzerg. Iris would have thought they'd hear what they did and – sensibly – shy away from such a thing, but…

Well, Iris didn't know them that well, did she?

Meanwhile, Tanya and Viktoriya watched as Lorelei did most of the work against one of the stragglers. Attacking the larger group might result in a lot of them becoming aggravated at once, so they were letting her rack up experience against some of the ones the rest of the herd had forgotten about.

She sped around the thing, dodging its spiked horns and continually attacking its hindquarters. Her height and strength meant that she could easily jump up to reach them, and, slowly, it began to tire.

Tanya and Viktoriya sent their gaze towards the rest of the Giant Bulls. They seemed to finally realize that one of their own was being attacked. Both aimed their rifles.

"We just want to draw the others' attention away. Once she's done with that one, we can have her finish off any others that we wound," she ordered.

Viktoriya nodded, and both began taking shots at them. They didn't want to waste bullets, but their Explosive Spells would be sure to make most of them bleed out before Lorelei was finished.

The herd looked towards the loud reverberations of the rifles, and the five of them began to run towards Tanya and Viktoriya.

Neither Adventurer so much as flinched as the ground began to shake in time with their charging, simply sending shots enchanted with penetration spells into their legs.

Tanya scowled at her shots. They were all hitting…

But they weren't hitting anywhere important. Viktoriya's shots, by contrast, were all debilitating or killing blows. Tanya and Viktoriya were at least equal shots, so why…

She shook her head. Maybe the whole business with the dress was just distracting her…

Tanya saw that Lorelei was finally finished with the straggler, and she waved her over. "Come on! Finish them off!"

The tilt of her distant ears told Tanya that the beastman was confused, but that confusion cleared as Tanya and Viktoriya snapped off another few shots. As planned, the next few bullets sent into their heads dazed the monsters.

The three converged on the Giant Bulls, slashing at throats and legs, ensuring that they'd not thrash as much as they bled out.

Soon enough, it was finished. Tanya often compared some of the enemies she fought to livestock, but in this case, the comparison was more literal than usual.

Tanya wiped the sweat from her head, and then called out to Iris. "Bring the cart closer! We've got to get what parts we can!"

With that, the three of them began to deconstruct the bulls, taking pieces – the horns and a few of the larger bones, mostly – and setting them aside.

Iris was slowly – purposefully slowly – bringing the cart over. Tanya glanced at Viktoriya, a scowl showing her feelings.

"Alright. You obviously have seen through my aloofness, so I'll spell out what I'm upset about."

Viktoriya winced, but, besides a quick glance over her shoulder to confirm that Iris was still far behind them, she paid full attention to Tanya.

"You haven't yet apologize for the dress, Viktoriya."

She blinked, and she sighed in relief. That was-

Twitch.

Lorelei didn't even look up from dissecting the Giant Bull's horns. "What was wrong with it? It wasn't exactly the best-made thing in the world, but that's what happens when you only have a day to make a dress."

Lorelei was honestly confused as to why she even wanted to wear something else. Sure, she might look okay in something less feminine – like the white suit Lady Shinfornea had been wearing – but a dress was best.

Tanya obviously didn't seem to feel this way, and Viktoriya seemed to understand it. "Tanya, didn't you say that it was necessary? Do you have some ideas as to how we could have gotten results this good without it?"

Tanya was silent, for a moment. "No. I do not rebuff those assertions. Instead, I question your refusal to apologize for the necessity."

Viktoriya watched Lorelei imperceptibly wince.

That was not an appropriate enough reaction. Tanya had pulled out her 'no bullshit' tone of voice, and Viktoriya was trying her best not to quake.

"Tanya… it wasn't like any of this was under my control, but if it makes you feel better, I'm sorry. Happy?"

Tanya felt a brief burst of satisfaction… until it faded away. She sighed heavily. "I'm not accusing…"

But it had sounded very much like she was accusing her of an entire society's inability to accept less formality, hadn't it?

She frowned, even as she heard Iris call out to them. In her first life, if she'd shown up in anything as comfortable as jeans and a t-shirt, she would have been politely asked to go home and find something appropriate to wear. It would have made her reputation burn a bit, and…

She sighed, relenting. "Fine. Maybe I was a bit harsh… but I haven't exactly had the chance to… express myself. The war didn't allow for that, and now that we're here, in such a comfortable existence, I want to use the freedom I have."

That, it seemed, was the end of that. Iris jumped down, and when Tanya and Viktoriya leaned down to focus on their pieces of the Giant Bulls, they realized Lorelei had already taken care of them.

As Lorelei climbed into the cart, Tanya smirked and smiled at Viktoriya. "Anyway. Sorry for the harshness, thanks for making me feel a bit better about everything… and just know that I do understand the need for it."

She whirled back around and shut the door, hiding a smirk. Viktoriya was a smart girl, and would undoubtedly pick up on the fact that she hadn't exactly forgiven her for the transgression.

Viktoriya, meanwhile, stared at the door and then sighed as she moped towards the Princess they were contract-bound to protect and wary about being around for fear of letting anything important slip, like their being Reincarnates and Tanya's other plans. She supposed that she wouldn't argue, because Tanya would bring up her ideas about her revenge for being forced to wear the dress.

Viktoriya sighed. Tanya hadn't often… scratch that, she hadn't ever struck Viktoriya as the expressive type, but the war had obviously covered up a lot of their desires under the need to fight.

As she sat down next to the Princess, Viktoriya shook her head. It wasn't like Tanya hadn't acknowledged the need to wear the thing, and she did look cute… not that Viktoriya would think such a thing in her presence.

She could probably tell, and Viktoriya would be given only the slightest twitch of the strand of hair Tanya called an ahoge before she was smashed.

Iris shook the reigns once, and they were sent speeding off, leaving behind a pile of the most useless parts of the Giant Bull corpses.

She looked to the commoner at her side, and decided she'd talk to her a bit. "What do you guys do for fun?"

Viktoriya gazed at the Tanya lookalike curiously. "Fun? What's that?"

Iris looked blankly at her, clearly not believing her attempt at humor.

And then a second passed of staring.

And then a second more.

And then a full five seconds passed.

Viktoriya's confused expression didn't fade in the slightest.

Even when Iris waited a full thirty seconds, Viktoriya's pure, innocent expression of confusion didn't relent, and Iris's deadpan look broke. Did she really…

Just as she opened her mouth to ask if she was serious, Viktoriya began to giggle. "You looked so confused! I'd have never gotten that expression out of Tanya!"

Iris glared at the commoner, but Viktoriya just shook her head as her laughter began to fade. "There wasn't much room for fun on the front line, but we managed to squeeze in a bit…"

She trailed off, racking her brain for what they had done for fun that didn't involve flying. Most of the time, they'd goof off in the air for fun, or…

Her eyes opened wide, and a smile began to grow on her face. "Well, we played cards sometimes, but people stopped playing with me because I'd win a lot…"

Iris nodded. "Everyone in the castle always lets me win because they know I'm the Princess, so I stopped challenging people to games. Rain is the only person who'll try and win, but she's no good at chess."

"I just wish I could have a bit of fun…"

Viktoriya tilted her head, confused. "You can't?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I have.. so much to do. I really don't want to insult the Prince, so I'll have to work from the moment we get there until we leave."

Viktoriya glanced at the girl, grinning. "Well, do we meet him the moment we get there?"

She shook her head, and Viktoriya leaned down, grinning widely as an idea worked its way into her head. "How about we go out and have a bit of fun?"

She shook her head again, more adamantly this time. "No. I have-"

"We have Tanya, right? We can ask her to take your place! No one would know a thing, and you'd get to have some fun!"

Iris blinked, and then looked away from the path. "Are you sure she wouldn't mind?"

Viktoriya nodded her head, knowing full well that Tanya would definitely mind having to wear a dress and act like a Princess for a couple hours.

Viktoriya, however, felt it was perfectly justified if she was going to sit on the inside of the carriage and make her sit with the Princess.

Even if she wasn't as bad as they had thought.

The Princess wasn't treating Viktoriya like she was scum just because she didn't have blonde hair and blue eyes, and she seemed to be treating the two of them like equals.

It would take time to change her opinions about Lorelei – both had caught the Princess's not-so-covert movement towards her sword when the beastman had exited the carriage – but Viktoriya was sure that if anyone could change a society, it would – easily – be Tanya.

-OxOxO-

Tanya glared at the table.

It was not a bad table, a broken table, a rickety table, or an ugly table. It didn't lean to one side, it wasn't made of solid gold, and it wasn't… some kind of monster in disguise.

In fact, it looked quite plain and nice.

The problem, however, was that it existed at all.

Tanya had thought, after another few hours of travelling where she and Viktoriya would switch places when the three of them had to stop to fight monsters, that they would settle down in front of a campfire, eat the meals that Tanya had prepared in the castle, and then get some sleep in their bedrolls.

Instead, Iris had jumped up, tried to enter the carriage, realized that Lorelei was inside, stared at the beastman until she moved so she could dart in, and come out with a smooth, dark blue cube that seemed to be made of glass.

She undid a latch on the side, threw it a distance away, and then marveled as it released a flash of light and became a small mansion.

Tanya and Viktoriya had turned to the Princess, staring intently, but she had just shrugged. "Neither Claire nor Rain thought it would be a good idea for me to sleep outside, so they gave us this! It repels monsters and has more than enough room for all of us!"

After another moment of wondering just why the three of them were going with the Princess if she had all of this and could presumably use that sword at her hip, Tanya shrugged and followed her lookalike inside.

They'd divided up the rooms – all of them could sleep separately now – and then made their way to the kitchen. Lorelei and Iris were seated at opposite ends of the table, while Viktoriya sat closer to the middle, facing the kitchen.

Tanya sighed and gave the table a look one last time, and then she turned towards the food she had gone through the trouble of making. The magic refrigerator in the kitchen had come stocked with ingredients, so Tanya's efforts had been for nothing.

She glowered at the food she had made, and then shrugged. She'd use it for the trip to Elroad, and then dump the rest. If they had food in the mansion, then she could use that on the way back.

Tanya began to prepare the first meal she had made, her back towards the dining table where the other three were seated. Minutes of silence passed, and even without turning around from her preparations, Tanya could guess what was happening.

She hadn't heard their exact conversation, but Viktoriya and the Princess seemed to have gotten along well when they were in the front. That meant…

Iris was probably glaring at Lorelei again.

While the image of a nearly six-and-a-half foot beastman, whose height was further increased by her ears, getting stared down by a twelve-year-old girl who hardly came up to the beastman's waist was amusing, Lorelei probably didn't really enjoy the experience.

Thankfully, Tanya finished her preparations quickly.

"Alright. Viktoriya, you said you wanted to eat more stuff from Japan, so I decided to make… this!"

With that, she brought forward four bowls of ramen, setting down one in front of each of them.

Tanya put one in front of herself, grasped the fork, and…

She grinned. Oh, what the hell. "Itadakimasu!" she shouted. The others looked startled, but Tanya paid them no mind.

She hadn't had an occasion to say something so… nostalgic in a long time. She would enjoy the food she had made, even if the others were giving the eggs and ham on top of the noodles odd looks.

Tanya rolled her eyes again as they continued to stare. "What are you waiting for? It won't taste as good if you let everything cool down."

Viktoriya glanced at Tanya for a moment, and then shrugged her shoulders. She'd faced worse than food, and, if she were honest with herself, she had faced worse food, too.

A single bite filled Viktoriya's mouth with euphoria, and though she would later regret thinking of anything of Tanya's filling her mouth, she didn't really give it two thoughts at the moment.

At the sound of Viktoriya's enjoyment of the food, the other two dug in, and all of them ate, enjoying the food Tanya had made.

Viktoriya, in between bites, asked, "This was supposed to be eaten on a battlefield? This is amazing!"

Tanya blinked, and had the place of mind to look sheepish as she fought to keep her inexplicable blush off of her face. "Well, not exactly this type of ramen… this is some of the better stuff, but I'm sure that there was some ramen that was eaten on the battlefield," she explained.

She didn't have a clue – Tanya did not look fondly on the idiotic former imperialist ways of her country, and had educated herself very little on the specifics of the World Wars of her own time – but it was probably true enough.

"Think of it… like our rations. Sure, there was some sausage that tasted… passable, at times, but we weren't given much of that on the front lines. The same applied to this" she continued. Viktoriya nodded her head, and Tanya added, "Besides, even this ramen is designed to be easily heated up. That's how we got it here, after all."

Iris looked up at that, ignoring the delicious food for a moment. "Wouldn't a fire attract enemies?"

Tanya smirked, and then brought up her lighter, flicking it open and lighting it. "Not if they're this small."

Iris's eyes widened again, and Tanya handed the thing to her. "What kind of magic does it use?"

Tanya shook her head. "None. You just have to press down on that trigger, and it'll light up. It uses fuel, though, so it isn't infinite."

She pressed down on the trigger and let out a small gasp at the fire. "Amazing…"

They all finished quickly, and Tanya rose once more. "I'll fix dessert, don't worry."

They all smiled at her appreciatively, and Tanya tracked towards the refrigerator, opening the freezer. She hadn't made dessert back at the castle – she didn't have a clue what she would make to be portable, besides maybe cookies or something – and this pop-up mansion allowed for that much.

Sure enough, she could see several deserts. Ice cream, cookies, and…

Tanya gasped, and brought out the grand prize she hadn't known she was searching for, waving it about. "Viktoriya! Chocolate!"

Viktoriya immediately stiffened, and then vaulted the table, rushing towards the kitchen and looking at Tanya's prize. Tanya held it up to the light in an iron grip not even Being X could have broken.

"Finally! I thought that we would find some in the capital, but we never had the time to look for it," her adjutant said, salivating.

Tanya pushed the girl back and brought the bar of sweet goodness towards the table. She channeled mana into her Type 97 and watched as a blade emerged from her fingernail.

Deftly, she sliced the bar into quarters, passing the slightly bigger pieces to Viktoriya and Iris.

Tanya reveled in the warm feeling that the chocolate gave her and the even warmer feeling that bloomed in her chest as Viktoriya sent her a grateful smile for being given the largest portion.

After that, they all dispersed, leaving the table as one when Tanya noted the sun had dipped beyond the horizon an hour ago. Iris headed upstairs to the master bedroom, while Tanya, Viktoriya, and Lorelei all went their separate ways in the first floor rooms.

Mostly. Tanya and Viktoriya faced their doorways, having opened their doors and looked in the well-lit rooms, each with only one bed.

Tanya turned around. "Well, goodnight Viktoriya."

She also turned around, rubbing the back of her head. "Same to you, T- Tanya," she said, turning back to her room. Tanya did the same.

Despite the amenities located within – tables and an odd looking chess set and a bed and a closet and a shower and – the very… lonely room looked oddly intimidating, without a second bed nearby.

They both turned around at once, staring across the hall at the other's room. She wondered if she would…

Their gazes lingered for a moment, and then Tanya sighed, turning around.

No, of course Viktoriya wouldn't want to do something like that.

She knew Tanya was a man, and Tanya knew, from the slightly uncomfortable gazes she sent her during the times they had to take baths together in the presence of Darkness, that she wasn't over it.

Asking something like that would completely demolish whatever progress she had made to fixing their friendship after their fight over talking about Tanya's… experiences and the subsequent cooling related to that stupid dress-

"…Are you two… Axis Cultists?"

The silence was demolished with that phrase. Both spun around, letting out twin yelps of surprise and spinning towards the other rooms.

Lorelei was staring out of her doorway at the two, an eyebrow raised and a faint blush discernible, even in the low light.

Tanya grit her teeth. "Of course not! Why… that's the second time someone's asked me if I worship that stupid, idiotic 'goddess' Aqua since I got to Belzerg! Why the fuck…" she shouted, glaring at the beastman.

The beastman threw her hands up, for a moment, before ducking into her room and shouting, "Alright, goodnight!"

Tanya spun on her heel, turning to see Viktoriya staring at the ground. Tanya cleared her throat. "Goodnight."

She nodded mutely, and walked into her room, closing the door quietly behind her. Tanya did the same, occupying her thoughts with the hope that tomorrow would be as peaceful as the first and nothing else.

Especially thoughts about Viktoriya. She wasn't thinking about her all alone in there, not in a comforting arm's reach. Nope. Not at all.

-OxOxO-

Thankfully, the morning of the second day was more of the first. They woke up, Viktoriya made breakfast and coffee for everyone, Tanya threatened to disembowel anyone that dared to insult Viktoriya's coffee, and then they packed up the mansion and went on their way.

Normal, everyday things.

As the day wore on and they confronted monsters, however, Iris couldn't take it anymore.

She rose from her seat as the other three began to array themselves in the procession of Giant Toads and jumped from the cart.

"Stop! I want to take out these monsters!"

Tanya and Viktoriya gazed at her, amused. "Really, Princess?"

They were just Giant Frogs, after all. Tanya was sure that her – currently annoyingly lackluster – aim wouldn't fail against such easy targets. She just glared at them. "Yes! I was looking forward to being able to battle a few monsters!"

Viktoriya opened her mouth, but Tanya grabbed her shoulder. "Wait. Let's see what she can do."

She glanced over her shoulder quizzically, but the certainty shining in Tanya's eyes told her to drop it. She sighed. "Okay…"

Grinning widely, Iris ran forwards, drawing her sword. All three of them watched, waiting for her to be stopped or frightened by the frogs.

She seemed to be stronger than Tanya was physically, if her easy control of the Lizard Runners that only Lorelei was able to command using force alone was anything to go by. That was expected, since she was a noble.

The blinding light that began to emanate from her sword, however, gave all of them pause.

The massive amount of mana that was building up reminded Tanya and Viktoriya of an untold number of deaths and terror they were supposed to inflict, not be on the receiving end of.

And Tanya, in the back of her mind, felt her Psychic Protection Ring burn her hand as the front of her mind contemplated the… pulling sensation she felt in the part of her head she associated with the stupid, cursed Type 95.

"EXTERION!"

In a wave of light, powerful energy began to speed away from the petite girl, carving into a Giant Toad. And another. And another.

In all, it got through three of the bunched-up Giant Toads before it stopped. Those living decided that eyeing up the tiny morsel of a meal wasn't worth the effort, and began to hop off the path, heading for a distant forest.

Iris's face, beaming and unaware of the damage she had done, spun towards them, innocent and full of an unawareness of what she had done.

They waited a moment to collect themselves and ignored the beaming girl.

"…So, we aren't really needed, are we?" Tanya asked the others.

Viktoriya shook her head. "I don't think so."

"Maybe we're supposed to be some sort of status symbol?" asked the beastman.

Tanya snorted. "I'm sure she could get a more impressive group of people to guard her and still remain undercover. No, this is some sort of test for us by her retainers. Iris needs no protection. Obviously."

Iris, unaware of their conversation and happy, ran back towards them, smiling.

"How was that? Was it cool? Was that an awesome battle?" she asked breathless, stars shining in her eyes.

Tanya tried to grin reassuringly while not panicking about the Type 95's… activity. "Well… it was efficient, but I don't think, uh… Bards will be writing about that any time soon."

Tanya had a certain appreciation for what she'd just done – if she could have killed enemy mages that fast the war would have been over in a year – but it seemed that Iris wasn't satisfied.

Iris looked to Viktoriya, and both of Tanya's companions nodded. She looked back at the Giant Toads' corpses, and then an expression of understanding dawned on her face.

"I see! It isn't cool if they're just weak enemies, right? No worries! I'll-"

Tanya shook her head. "No. It isn't just the enemies," she began, knowing full well that Iris's retainers would immolate Tanya for letting her fight something stronger than a Giant Toad. "If you can kill every enemy you fight, it isn't exactly a battle."

"It's more like a slaughter," Lorelei added.

Iris looked down at her sword, still shining pristinely, and sighed. "Maybe it's the weapon? It's a Divine Relic passed down in the Belzerg family, so maybe it's too much for a beginner?"

Tanya felt her eye twitch, and she wondered why she had that weapon if she wasn't on the front lines. The General Staff hadn't been stupid enough to keep the Type 95 behind lines if they couldn't help it.

Lorelei asked the question on Tanya's mind, and, after a suspicious glance at the beastman, Iris said, "It's a national treasure known as Calibur that can protect its wielder from all sorts of abnormal effects, and I got it from my father because I like how the sheath looked."

They stood there for a moment, and then they let out a united sigh of tiredness.

Tanya led them back to the carriage, only lamenting that she had been doing so much work when they could just get Iris to kill the various monsters they encountered. Though, she did want Lorelei to level up…

Tanya sat down in the front, leaving behind the Giant Toads' corpses. They couldn't get much for anything from them, and the time it took to wade through their body parts and slime honestly wasn't worth the energy she'd put into the task.

Iris sat next to her, and with that, they were off, destroying what didn't move out of the way and generally relaxing as the cart sped along.

-OxOxO-

Tanya narrowed her eyes as she gazed behind them. It was distant, and if Lorelei hadn't heard them when they'd stopped for a quick afternoon lunch, Tanya wouldn't have been able to see them.

As it was, she held out her hand in a fist, and Viktoriya, sitting next to Iris, told her to stop. Tanya trained her eyes and Observation spells on the distant dust cloud, and saw it fade into the air.

"We're being followed," Tanya said as she got down from the roof of the carriage. Lorelei hopped out from the interior of the carriage, crossing her arms smugly.

"Told you so."

Tanya rolled her eyes. "You were right, and I'm sorry for doubting you. We took plenty of precautions in coming here, though, so I wonder who could be tracking us…"

Tanya heard Iris speak up from behind her. "I guess you people have uses after all."

Tanya turned around from surveying the horizon to level a glare at Iris, who looked surprisingly confused at the scorn.

Tanya rolled her eyes. Maybe she'd give her a lecture on the idiocy inherent in racism later – could the two words 'you people' be uttered without being racist? Tanya didn't think so.

For now, though, they needed to focus on the possible threat.

"Iris. You start heading down the trail with Viktoriya, who'll look behind you. Lorelei and I will wait in hiding in that forest, and then make them stop. When they do, Viktoriya will tell you to stop," she ordered.

Viktoriya and Lorelei both began to move, but Iris hesitated. Tanya raised an eyebrow, and Iris breathed in huffily. "You won't be able to do that. If they can keep up with us, then they have Lizard Runners too. You can't-"

Tanya glared. "I didn't ask for your opinions. I've taken that into account. Go drive the cart."

The Princess clenched her hands together, but she spun around angrily and did as ordered. Tanya narrowed her eyes at the retreating figure, and then dismissed the idea to discipline her.

Tanya doubted that either of the girl's retainers had given Tanya that power, and she was bound by a contract.

Tanya followed Lorelei's towering form into the forest, and both crouched down behind the various bushes and trees, waiting. They watched as the carriage that Iris and Viktoriya were on sped off, and then they began to wait.

She began to go over why anyone would be following them. Tanya knew that the two retainers didn't trust her, but she had signed that contract, making it unlikely that they were supervisors.

After all, having two groups set out from the capital instead of one increased the chances of them being caught or for people to think they were royals fleeing the capital, which was what they said they didn't want. The retainers weren't at fault, and since they were supposed to be keeping the fact that Iris was gone hidden, no noble was likely to know, either.

More likely, they were a group of criminals trying to accost the Princess, who had seen her driving the cart out of the capital. Since 'everyone' knew that nobles were strong – she hadn't when she'd come here, disproving that particular fact – if they were trying to fight or kidnap the Princess, they were also strong.

Soon enough, Tanya and Lorelei began to see the next carriage come into view. It looked just like theirs, and it seemed to be keeping a steady, if slightly more erratic pace, likely due to the driver's struggle with the Lizard Runners.

As it loomed closer, Tanya could just pick out just who was driving the thing, and, as they came closer and became more recognizable, she began to grin malevolently. Lorelei shot her a confused expression, but Tanya ignored it.

She nodded to herself. She'd been wondering how long it would take her to run into these four again.

There was no way that people like this would be hired as supervisors – Tanya didn't imagine people willing to rape someone had squeaky-clean records in every other area – so they were likely trying to get revenge.

Now, she had the chance to get her own revenge. Ever closer, the carriage rushed, until it suddenly passed them, speeding by.

"Reinforcement spell: Agility."

At Tanya's command, her speed on the ground was shot through the roof. An extended hand and another intonation later, and Lorelei's speed was increased too.

She began to run, and Lorelei, after a moment's hesitation, followed, streaking after her towards the carriage.

Despite the speed of the Lizard Runners, magic still seemed to trump all. They began to gain on it, and Tanya reveled in the solitary sound of the wind rushing past her ears.

None of their prey had so much as glanced backwards, too focused on the unsteady handling of the Lizard Runners.

She didn't particularly care about the screaming she could hear at every slight jostle of the carriage, besides how it would affect her performance in taking the thing over. Killing all of them was an option, as always, but she did want to know if anyone would come looking for the four of them.

She took a deep breath, and she activated a Flight spell and leapt onto the carriage, stalking towards the front steadily.

It rocked again, and Tanya turned around, noting that Lorelei had managed to jump on without the aid of a Flight spell. She looked decidedly less stable, but Tanya supposed that her Flight spells allowed for stability that not even Lorelei's enhanced physical ability could match.

She stalked forward and watched as both people in the drivers' seats looked back at her, shocked. She smirked. The brief urge to repeat her trick of tossing a grenade at those pilots above Norden flashed through her mind, but she decided on something much simpler.

"Sleep. Sleep."

Both went out faster than a light, and Tanya ran forward, taking hold of the reins and pulling back on them. The Lizard Runners cried out and immediately stopped. Now to-

Unfortunately, Tanya was not used to physics affecting her all that much while travelling at high speeds – Flight spells were very helpful for forgetting about gravity – and she was thrown off the carriage, along with Lorelei and two of their assailants.

All four of them were sent flying forward, and Tanya heard herself groan as she rose unsteadily. She shook away the unsteadiness and found that Lorelei had been flung next to her, and that both drivers were still snoring.

As two more adventurers exited the carriage and Tanya cast the spell two more times, Tanya marveled at the efficiency of the spell. She would have killed to have access to it in her last life, if for no other reason than how much easier it would have been to fall asleep on the front lines amid all the artillery.

She walked towards Lorelei and snapped off a quick, "Heal."

The beastman shot up, looking around wildly. Tanya smirked at her, and then gestured to the captives. "Recognize them?"

It took her a few moments, but the woman's eyes widened and then narrowed as she did. Tanya smirked as Lorelei reached for her sword.

"They… They're the ones that tried to…"

Tanya shook her head, smiling. "You don't need to say anything. Since they're here for us, I think you get first dibs on what we do with them."

Of course, Tanya would try and steer her decision towards what Tanya wanted… but that she was giving someone she had years of experience in battle over decide what to do with enemy combatants was generous enough.

Lorelei nodded, and then shook her head sharply as she fully comprehended what Tanya said. "For us? Why would they be looking for us?"

"They feel as if we've humiliated them, obviously," Tanya said, images of Mary Sioux flashing across her vision.

Lorelei's expression became confused. "But... those carriages are reserved for the nobles. Would they really do something like steal from a noble to get back at you and I?"

Tanya shrugged. "I have known of people willing to do much more because of much less."

Indeed, both Being X and that woman had both done a lot to her for very little reason. She didn't believe in god, and he thought sending her to some alternate reality in order to get her to convert was in any way appropriate?

Admittedly, Sioux had a bit more reason to despise her, and even if she should have been a lot less angry that a soldier had died in a war, Tanya could understand her hatred.

She would want to eviscerate anyone that tried and failed to kill Viktoriya, after all, to say nothing of what she would do to someone that was successful in that endeavor.

Shaking her head, she pointed her rifle at them. "Well, what do you want to do?" she asked, bringing her thoughts back to her current objective.

Lorelei looked a bit lost, and Tanya sighed.

Tanya knew what she would do. She'd kill them and take the carriage. But…

"I'll give you a few options, then. One, we could simply kill them, burn the bodies and the carriage, and then bring the Lizard Runners to our carriage," she said, tilting her head towards the growing cloud of dust. They had seen the one behind them fade away, and they were coming back to see who it was.

Lorelei looked like Tanya's suggestion was unpleasant, and Tanya sighed. She supposed that someone who had wanted to become a clothier and was forced into becoming an adventurer might have objections to killing something that was human.

"Secondly, we could wake them up, give them back the carriage, and then hope they listen to us."

Thankfully, that idea seemed to be even more repulsive. Tanya nodded; she could work with that.

"The third option is to take their valuables, take the Lizard Runners, and let them fend for themselves. They might learn a bit of humility fending off monsters while either trying to get to the next town or waiting for rescue."

Lorelei's face seemed a bit indecisive, but Tanya was willing to let her make the decision.

Tanya would have loved to be given the decision of what to do with her attempted rapist, but Viktoriya's… revenge on…

Before her thoughts could spiral towards that, however, they were interrupted. "You!"

Tanya turned her head and found that the four adventurers had managed to break out of their slumber. She turned to them, a smirk on her face and her rifle in her hands.

"Yes?"

Their apparent leader stepped forward. "You put us to sleep that night, didn't you!? We were told we were going to be held back from quests because we couldn't be trusted!"

They began to spread out, gripping their weapons. Tanya didn't mind too much; a bullet to the head might not have killed undead, but she had no illusions about its effectiveness on humans.

She rolled her eyes and made the decision for the beastman. "Yes, and I could do it again. Now, if you give up your valuables, we'll let you try and walk to the next town and fend for yourself," she said, eyeing them.

If they were smart, they'd do what she said.

It was obvious that she could beat the four of them, as she had already done so twice, and while she might not have been a noble, they didn't know that.

They all looked at each other, and the leader, who faced Tanya with something that resembled determination in his eyes, shook his head. Tanya didn't wait a moment more.

People who had personal reasons for revenge were very, very tiring to constantly battle. Best to nip some sort of long-term enemy in the bud. Now.

Two shot rang out, and their leader collapsed. Conventional comparisons would say he fell like a puppet, but in all honesty, the way his head jerked back and carried the rest of his body to the ground in a wet slump didn't look like a puppet collapsing at all.

Surprisingly, she noted that the two adventurers to her left and the one to her right began to move immediately, instead of staring at their leader in shock.

The two on the left moved towards Tanya, and she was sure that the one on the right was being countered by Lorelei. Tanya squeezed off another shot, and the last one, a spearman, managed to get close to Tanya.

She just smirked at him as his attack bounced off her light blue shield. He blinked, and tried again, throwing his whole body into the attempt to skewer Tanya.

She picked at one of her nails as he was sent flying, and then she shot the man. He began to shout, but Tanya ignored him and turned to see that Lorelei had incapacitated the swordsman trying to kill her.

She sighed, and then walked forward. Lorelei looked over her shoulder at her, a relieved expression coming over her face.

Tanya smiled at her, pointed her gun, and fired.

The man Lorelei had knocked out would never know consciousness again.

She cast her eyes about for another moment, making sure that they were down, and then…

"Phew!" she said as she sank to the ground and began to rummage through their pockets. She heard the beastman make some choking sounds, as if she was surprised.

Tanya cast a blank look back at her. "Don't bother feeling bad. If they were willing to kill us now, one survivor would have been willing to kill us later. I've left too many potential enemies alive to feel safe continuing the practice."

"Besides," she added, standing with the adventurer's money bag in hand, "They tried to rape you. What do you think they would have done to our corpses if they'd won?"

She was silenced by that, and if Iris and Viktoriya thought it was odd that the only signs of battle was the burning carriage, a notable lack of bodies, and the smell of burning flesh, they didn't say anything.

-OxOxO-

Tanya grinned as they arrived at the gates of Elroad's capital. With the extra pair of Lizard Runners, they'd managed to get here before the third night.

Last night had been pretty much the same as the first, with the notable exception being Lorelei's inclusion in some of the Princess's conversations.

Oh, Iris didn't like the beastman by any stretch of the imagination, but Tanya was pleased to see that the two of them could get through an entire conversation without either of them glaring at the other too much.

And here they were, arriving in the afternoon and getting hurried through the procedures. Or, that was what Tanya assumed was happening.

Iris was, after all, in the front, and while the guards didn't know what the Princess looked like, they knew what nobles looked like.

The four Lizard Runners in the front were probably just as impressive, and while Tanya was a bit upset that they could just breeze through the rules because of how they looked, she'd used her appearance to her advantage before.

She wouldn't decry someone else for doing the same… unless it helped her.

They wound through the roads, and Tanya glanced out occasionally. She could see that, for all its reported wealth and excellence, it seemed to be deteriorating. It looked to be less busy than the capital, and Tanya guessed that it might be less active than even Axel.

She shook her head. It seemed that they were falling on hard times, then. She sighed, hoping that Iris had memorized what Tanya had told her.

Apparently, she had to do some preliminary meetings with officials when she got to her room. She'd gone into more detail than Tanya thought the explanation warranted, but her last shift riding in the front with her had been boring and Tanya hadn't minded.

Obviously, the Princess was a bit nervous and wanted some reassurance.

Soon enough, they stopped. Tanya peeked out of the window and found herself looking up at what passed for an opulent inn in this time period.

To her, it looked like this world's attempts at flaunting wealth unnecessarily was emulating Roman and Greek architectural styles. Tanya could make out that nearly everything was made of some sort of stone, and the entire thing looked more like a church than an inn.

She shrugged and opened the door, stepping out into the light of the setting sun. The entire town was cloaked in shadows from the walls and buildings, and Tanya sighed happily.

She might have a mission, but she was sure she would be getting at least a little bit of relaxation.

Tanya walked forward, but found her motion stopped by a hand on her shoulder. She turned around, and found Lorelei staring at her apologetically.

"…What is it?" she asked, nervous. Lorelei wasn't often apologetic. She looked guilty if she knew she was in the wrong, and she looked positively enraged when she was being accused of something if she wasn't in the wrong.

In the time Tanya had known her, she rarely did things that she would need to apologize for, and the fact that she hadn't been even remotely sorry for dolling Tanya up in a dress meant that this was probably big.

"Well…"

Twitch.

Tanya felt that stupid fucking piece of hair on the top of her head wave about as Lorelei explained what had happened.

Viktoriya and Iris had made plans to go out and explore the town, and Iris had asked Lorelei to break the news to Tanya when they got to the inn and left.

Tanya took a calming breath.

Well, that explained why Iris had been so insistent on trying out some of Tanya's clothing this morning and why Viktoriya had begged Tanya to let her to let the girl wear Tanya's adventurer gear.

That did it. Tanya was going to figure out the deepest, darkest secret Viktoriya had in that stupid diary, and then she was going to blackmail her into becoming her personal maid.

Tanya wouldn't even going to feel bad when she made Viktoriya bend over to pick something up she deliberately dropped, or when she made her do jumping jacks in as little clothing as possible.

Muttering under her breath, Tanya retreated into the carriage and opened Iris's clothing bag. She felt her eye twitch as she gazed at the dress Iris had worn during their first meeting with a note that said 'Sorry?' on top of it.

Tanya couldn't let the Princess come to 'unnecessary harm,' but she could easily justify any pain she delivered on Iris as necessary.

If Tanya harbored any ill will towards the Princess because of her trick, Tanya might be tempted to betray her, after all. A bit of tough love would balance the scales.

Muttering to herself, Tanya was starting to wonder if this trip would be worth it. Sure, getting a house in the capital or elsewhere where she could make bullets and weapons would be pivotal to her continued existence, but she could have just purchased her own eventually, right?

Sighing, she exited the carriage, noting that a boy was sitting in a seat at the front, warily eyeing the Lizard Runners. Tanya ignored him, and strode forward.

"Well, at least I have-" Tanya said, cutting herself off as she realized that Lorelei wasn't walking next to her. Feeling her eye twitch, she marched towards the back of the beastman and tapped her on her forearm. She turned around to find Tanya glaring at her.

She shrunk back, and Tanya continued to glare. "Where are you going?"

She raised a single eyebrow. "You really think they'll let me in?"

Tanya smirked. "Of course they will."

Tanya was, after all, dressed as the Princess. She could probably get away with murder if she sounded sorry enough, kept the disgusting dress on, and picked someone low enough down on the feudal totem pole.

Lorelei seemed unconvinced, and Tanya grabbed her arm and began to walk towards the front of the inn. As they neared it, Tanya felt Lorelei try to break away. Tanya just rolled her eyes and began to pour mana into her Computation Jewel.

Oh, she didn't like going along with Tanya's plans? If she so much as mentioned being unhappy, Tanya would remind her that Tanya was the one having to pretend to be a Princess.

She walked through the front doors and up towards the front desk where a woman was eyeing them warily. Lorelei was glancing around nervously.

They were getting stared at. Thankfully, most of them seemed more baffled or curious than hateful. Tanya nodded to herself and walked towards the receptionist.

Once more donning that stupidly high-pitched voice, she smiled widely at the woman. "Hello! I believe you have rooms for Princess Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg?"

The receptionist's eyes were dragged off Lorelei by the declaration, and, eyes widening, she surveyed Tanya. She continued to smile, waiting.

She wasn't disappointed. "P- Princess Iris! I'm sorry I didn't recognize you! We have your rooms ready, but…" she trailed off, offering Tanya three keys.

Tanya grabbed them, still keeping a smile in place. "But what? Is there something you wish to deny me?" she asked, knowing that the woman in front of her wanted to kick Lorelei out and that 'Iris' knew that she wanted to do this.

Her head sank. "N- Nothing, Your Royal Highness," she muttered, her scratchy voice losing most of its fight.

Smirking, Tanya walked towards the stairs, Lorelei quickly following in her wake. They navigated through hallways towards the rooms, and when they reached them, Tanya began to chuckle.

"See? What did I tell you?" she asked rhetorically, turning to look at the beastman. She shrugged, and Tanya handed her a key.

Lorelei looked at it, a question on her lips. Tanya spoke before she could ask. "Iris told me that each of these rooms have their own facilities, and that you can order food by placing a slip of paper on the front of the door in the box hanging from it. They all have their own washing facilities, so you don't need to come out if you don't want to."

Lorelei nodded hesitantly, slipping the key into the lock on her room and then retreating inside. Tanya smirked, walking into the Princess's room.

Iris had given Tanya a rundown of what her preparations for the meeting tomorrow would include, and, while she had been confused as to her insistence at the time, Tanya was now sure that she had been so thorough with the hope that Tanya wouldn't deviate from the plans.

'Iris' was supposed to do a few preliminary meetings with the major officials and nobles of this nation before meeting Prince Revi tomorrow.

Unfortunately, 'Iris' was also supposed to sit there and get berated for not ending the war by now, and to justify why Elroad needed to keep sending them money.

A knock sounded on Iris's door, and Tanya grinned, giving permission for the man on the other side to come through. In stepped their Prime Minister.

The standard golden hair framed a long, pointed face. The man's clothing looked to be very high quality, and Tanya frowned.

He looked to be very well dressed for someone in a nation that had supposedly fallen on hard times. However, Tanya was supposed to be the Princess of a neighboring nation, so it wasn't exactly unexpected that they'd dress themselves up nicely, no matter how bad their finances were.

Shaking her head, she smiled. The man bowed his head a fraction of an inch, and then he brought out a piece of paper that listed whatever petty grievances he had.

Tanya rolled her eyes. She wasn't about to sit through this. "Prime Minister. It's wonderful to meet you. Now, before you start offloading your questions on me, I have a few of my own."

He raised an eyebrow, but before he could respond, Tanya began. "If you are wondering why we haven't ended the war, it's because we don't have the funding. If you wanted the constant drain on our resources removed, then you should be helping us more."

An eyebrow of the man twitched, but Tanya continued. "Additionally, I would like to inform you that if you cut off your support, Belzerg will have to take drastic actions."

He glared at her. "What could be more drastic than what you've already done?"

Tanya paused, wondering what Belzerg had already done, before dismissing it. She'd find out later.

Probably.

"For starters, we could ban travel to your country. I'm sure you're aware of how much you earn from our nobles trying to flee their taxes?"

He nodded slowly, and Tanya smirked. "While I'm sure they would be upset, the nobles could be convinced to travel to another nation to waste their money in if you won't support our war against the Demon King. They won't like your lack of help, so I'm sure they could be convinced to go elsewhere."

He blanched at her declaration, and Tanya continued to press forward. "Furthermore, I'd like to hear what kind of plans you have for saving your economy. If you dare to wear such expensive clothing in my presence, then you obviously feel that conserving resources will be a waste of time. Surely it's because of some economic plans?"

Now, the man began to sweat. Tanya sighed, and leaned back in her chair.

This would be easier than any meeting she'd had in her past lives, including the one that had gotten her killed. This man didn't seem to have heard of a poker face, and Tanya couldn't honestly say that his stammered report was reassuring.

Another knock sounded on the door, and as the Prime Minister's face lit up, Tanya called out, "Just a moment. I still need to speak with the Prime Minister."

His face fell and became ashen, and Tanya scowled. Honestly, did he think organizing a country was as easy as handing all of your problems to your subordinates? She still had to grill – er… inquire about the economy, their military, and anything else she wanted information on in order to waste time and get back at Iris for.

-OxOxO-

Iris smiled warmly as she held Viktoriya's hand and danced about the street. Today…

Today had been so fun!

She'd gone to the casinos, where her ability to win was the deciding factor instead of her status! She had eaten at a restaurant, where the money she and Viktoriya could spend determined what kind of food she got instead of getting given the best possible food for free just because she was the Princess.

She had been able to speak improperly with only a few raised eyebrows shot her way instead of shocked cries of outrage or disappointed reprimands.

She had taken her hair out of its customary braid and instead let it hang and fly however it wanted.

She had chewed her nails, smudged what little makeup she had on, and done what she wanted.

She sighed happily, coming to a stop in front of the inn that had been rented for them. She tossed a smile towards Viktoriya, who returned it.

The commoner might have acted awkwardly at first, but after the casinos, she had seemed to gain confidence and stop worrying about Tanya.

In those casinos, Viktoriya had won against everybody. There were a couple of close calls, but she pulled forward in nearly every game, regardless of whether money or jewels or clothing or food or weapons were bet.

Of course, there was a surprising lack of people inside the casinos. Instead of cries of anger or elation and loud conversations that could barely be heard over, an occasional shout about bad luck would happen, and then a low, murmured din of conversation would take over once more.

Through all of Serebryakov's winning, Iris had even heard a few whispers that some thought she was better than the Prince.

Since the sun had long since set, they had gone to an upscale restaurant, enjoyed their food, and then they'd gone to the Onion Duck pond and watched the ones that were still awake play in the water.

Iris sighed. She'd have to prepare for Revi tomorrow, but for now, she was sure that she'd have plenty of memories to keep her distracted from the monotony and derision.

They entered and ascended through the inn, soon finding the rooms assigned to them. As they approached, they could hear a soft whimpering coming from one of the doors.

It was the door to Iris's room.

Before Iris could think about why Tanya would be crying, Viktoriya bolted away, throwing open the door. Iris ran after her and breathed a sigh of relief.

Tanya wasn't the one crying.

Instead, it was a man with faded golden hair and pompous, if disheveled, clothing. He was plastered against the ground, while Tanya stood above him, glaring.

"Why can't you answer me? These are simple questions that anyone with even an inkling of economic knowledge or even just a general awareness of events. Are you even the Prime Minister? What leader of a country can't answer questions about your Gross Domestic Product and inflation?"

Questions about the man's sanity, prestige, and manhood followed, sending the man into a downward spiral of whimpering and pleading for mercy. Tanya gave him one last glare, and then turned to the two of them.

"Hi. I think that this man is an impostor, since the only answer he was able to provide to me about the affairs of this country was that the casinos have been falling in quality. What idiot measures the wealth of a country by such a variable thing as a casino?"

The last part was directed at the man sniveling on the ground, and, for once, he jumped up.

"I'm not even supposed to be in this position! Without the old Prime Minister and his people, less trustworthy people were chosen for his job! We've embezzling money! " he wailed, gripping onto the dress Tanya wore.

She shook her head and jerked the cloth away from him. "Pathetic."

Iris stepped forward slowly, gently pulling at the edge of Tanya's sleeve. "Maybe we should meet privately?"

Tanya nodded, still glaring at the man on the ground. "Leave and send in someone who can answer those questions. If I were you, I'd run before the Prince learns of your dealings."

He bolted, leaving the three of them alone. Tanya glared at both Viktoriya and Iris. "Have fun?"

Both hung their heads, and Tanya sighed, shaking her head. "Why did you think it was a good idea to leave me in charge? I expect results from my subordinates, and if they're just going to cower ineffectively, why are they even employed?"

Iris shrugged helplessly, and Tanya let out a huff of annoyance. "Well, whatever. There are a few more people in the hall, so-"

Viktoriya shook her head. "There wasn't anyone, actually…"

Tanya's eyebrows rose. "…So they were scared off? Why did they come here then? I look like a twelve-year-old and they were scared?"

Both women nodded to her words, agreeing without speaking that leaving Tanya in control had been a terrible idea, and that no amount of fun could make up for that.

Tanya, retreating from Iris's room and walking towards her own, smirked. She hoped that her demonstration taught the Princess a lesson about leaving people she didn't know in charge of her affairs.

Tanya could have been nicer about things and not insulted the Prime Minister, sure, but she suspected that this was much more impactful than any amount of 'unnecessary harm' she could deliver on Iris without killing her.

Tanya shook her head. "I wonder how you deal with so many idiots, Iris."

Tanya watched as Iris seemed to sigh. "With more patience than I think should be possible and a severe lack of free time," she said, closing the door to her room. Tanya nodded, and turned towards the third room, bringing out the key to it.

Now, Iris was in her room, likely writing furiously to call back at least a few people. Tanya and Viktoriya stood in the hallway, looking at the key held in Tanya's hand warily.

The single key for the third room that Tanya had been given.

…Right.

Rain and Claire hadn't been aware that Lorelei was coming, meaning they hadn't arranged for more than three rooms.

Tanya looked to her left and was surprised to see that Viktoriya wasn't there. She blinked, and then turned to Lorelei's door and the knocking sound. Viktoriya was standing there.

Tanya rolled her eyes. "Come on. Let's not bother her. I'm sure that one of us can just sleep on the floor," she said.

Viktoriya sent a confused look towards Tanya, and then blushed a little, turning back towards the door to continue knocking.

"Come on, Lorelei! Can I sleep in there?" she called out, and Tanya rolled her eyes, opening her own room. Maybe she should have tried to lie about her past?

It would have made some things a bit less complicated, at least.

Tanya heard a muffled shout from Lorelei's room that sounded suspiciously like 'Hell no!' and shook her head as she heard Viktoriya trudge in, looking between Tanya and the bed with a… questioning look on her face.

"Don't worry, Viktoriya," she said as she heard the woman close the door, "I'll just sleep on this chair." She gestured towards the plush chair in front of a writing desk.

There weren't any couches, and Tanya supposed that without a TV to stare at, there didn't need to be much furniture in a room that the owners expected to house a single person.

She wouldn't make Viktoriya uncomfortable, though, now that she knew what Tanya truly was.

She wasn't inconsiderate of – or worse, blind to – the feelings of the people around her.

Viktoriya looked conflicted and hadn't stopped looking between her and the bed, but before the woman could protest, Tanya ripped one of the blankets off the king-sized bed and curled into a cocoon on the chair, steeling herself for tomorrow and missing the dejected, conflicted, and guilty look on Viktoriya's face.

As she heard the other woman settle into her bed, Tanya wondered where Viktoriya kept that diary. It was probably somewhere in the bag she had brought, so Tanya would search for it and a bit of revenge at the first opportunity.

-OxOxO-

He looked into the room, standing around nervously. He was supposed to just be a messenger, but this…

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

He winced again as the Goddess on the ground clutched at her stomach.

He was just a messenger for Eris, assigned to this post by Gautama. He had come here when her daily 'I want to go to talk with other Deities, so do my work for me' call didn't come in.

He'd assumed she might actually be doing her work for herself and come to see if she had anything else she wanted him to do.

Instead, she was curled up on the ground, clutching her stomach. Her work had been scattered, her pens broken, and her chair on the other side of the room.

He had immediately sent word back to Gautama – this was way above him. He didn't even know what this could be.

They were in Heaven, after all. Only souls and, to a limited extent, Deities could leave. How an attack could get here, he had no idea-

"Move aside."

He blinked and jumped out of the doorway, whirling around to face the stern-voiced being-

Only to wish he had the ability to profusely shit himself.

It would have relieved some tension anyway, even if it would have made everything about being an Angel more complicated.

It was him.

Or, rather, it was Him.

He moved inside, and he began to try and clear his mind. If the Boss got wind of what he was thinking…

And he could do that. He could look into the mind of anything that wasn't at least a God or Goddess with very minimal effort, though control was easier if they were his adherents and harder if they were someone else's faithful.

Duke, a simple Angel, would have his thoughts – his oh so traitorous thoughts – put on full display. His wings would be sheared and recycled into new souls. His body would be-

He swept inside, staring down at her. Duke couldn't see His face, but He looked… troubled, based on His body language. He raised a hand.

Duke flinched away. Was He smiting some unfortunate soul for this transgression? Was He punishing Eris for falling from her desk?

His hand fell, and-

CLANK!

A metal bucket appeared next to the girl. Her screaming paused for a moment, and His voice echoed through the room.

"You'll want this, young one."

"Wh-" Eris managed to get out. Then, her cheeks began to inflate, and-

"BLLLLLEEEEERRRRGH!"

Duke jumped back as a flood of rainbow colors flew from her mouth into the bucket. More continued to fall out, and more, and…

Duke's concerned gaze faded into a confused one as it still didn't overflow. How-

"It's a functionally infinite bucket," He provided with but a glance. Duke nodded and backed out of the room, hoping that even the extra few inches of distance might protect him.

Or rather, protect his mind.

Duke continued to watch. He watched her. And, when she finally seemed to stop throwing up, she looked up at Him.

"Wha- what is this? Who-"

She bent back over the bucket, retching, groaning, and grasping at the metal bucket, and then Duke watched, amazed.

Gobsmacked.

Completely sure that even if the Boss had entered his mind, he would have found nothing, so shocked and consumed was he by the sight in front of him.

It was not Eris that surprised him. She was still hunched over the bucket, trying to get rid of whatever feeling was plaguing her horribly tortured being.

It was HIM.

He…

He sank to the floor.

He turned around so that he was facing Duke and the exit to her office. He let His robes touch the floor.

He…

He sat with her. His back was against the tastefully wallpapered wall of her tiny, overstuffed office. He reached out one of His hands and…

He rubbed her back. She was stunned by this too, if the short pause in her retching was anything to go by, but she soon found more to throw up.

Duke backed up again. He hadn't thought that Deities – or, such an important Deity – could do such a… mortal thing.

He took a deep breath.

"They are called many things, by the mortals. Reformations. Schisms. Disagreements. Realignments. Reawakenings. We Deities, however…"

"This is your first Break."

He probably thought – or maybe he'd looked in her mind and he knew – that she didn't understand, so He continued speaking. "It almost always happens. Either the number of your followers grows large enough, or technology advances, or some landmark historical event occurs or is reinterpretted. There are dozens of reasons, but…"

He sighed, and Duke took another step back. His eyes were-

"You are young, only a few thousand years old, and even though I am trillions of years old, I still remember my first…"

She was able to stop it long enough to send an angry glare at Him, and He sighed as He wiped His eyes. "Ah, I suppose I am rabbling, as always…"

"Your followers, Eris. Both Heaven and you yourself gain power from them, from their faith, and you return to them bonuses. You are a fairly simple Goddess – Fortune and Luck are always popular, and very few can argue that either is a bad thing."

He gave the back of her head a joyless smile. "Just as us Gods and Goddesses, mortals will quarrel over anything. Your followers are arguing over some aspect of the religion that worships you."

He leaned back against the wall, looking into the distance. "Maybe it is whether you are a single aspect or three. Maybe they believe your Cult is corrupted by those that seek to advance their ambitions instead of the faith."

He shook His head. "Maybe some Queen has declared herself the head of the religion so she can remarry. Regardless, this will not stop until they resolve the conflict."

She looked up again. "Please don't-"

She bent down again, and He smirked at her back. "Say something so ominous? I'm sorry, but this is not going to be fun."

He rested His head on the wall. "At best, this will die out. The Priests or commoners attempting to incite change will fail or succeed quickly, leaving you altered very minimally."

"If this results in an offshoot of your religion, you'll likely have a bit more work to do when managing two branches, but you'll again remain mostly unchanged."

He sighed, continuing to rub circles into her back. "At worst… at worst, if the grievances go unresolved for too long, or if an offshoot is too radical…"

He sighed again. "Your very being might be split in two. I am very, very lucky to not have ever had this happen to me, with the hundreds of thousands of Breaks I have felt, but far, far too many of us have been split. I pray that you will have a fast recovery, but that is all I can do."

She began to shake as she was retching, and He just… continued to pat her back. "I am sorry. You will have to contact your Most Faithful if you wish to take a more active approach than waiting it out."

"I am sorry."

Duke felt his wings nearly wilt as tears began to mix with the rainbow colors spewing from her mouth. He-

"You! Go find some work to do!"

Duke stiffened his posture, nodded, and flew away without sparing either of them a look.

No.

No.

No, even if… even if the Deities could show emotion and empathy, it was not towards the Angels.

No one cared about them much. They did so much work behind the scenes, and they never got any thanks for it.

Though… maybe he would complain less about Eris. He couldn't imagine what she was going through, but he was sure it exceeded any pain Duke had been forced to feel.

-OxOxO-

A/N 1: So.

Uh… Yeah. I promised to upload once a week and stuff and… well, isekai quartet season 2 came out and…

Oh, whatever. I'm sorry for the wait, but this is a very big chapter, so I hope that makes up for it. Anyway…

Alderp gets some time in the spotlight, Tanya and Viktoriya finish mending quarrels caused by the dress and their disagreement, they grow closer to Iris and Lorelei, they murder a couple of jerks who deserve it without realizing that that will have repercussions, and humor is sprinkled throughout. Fun times, right?

Also, Eris is not feeling too hot. Perhaps I've hidden a hint as to what's happening in a chapter between 19 and 21? I don't know. (I do know)

A/N 2: If you're interested in what's been going on with Eris, by the way, you should check out Charming Omakes. It's got some info on what she's been up to while Tanya has been running around and slowly growing more unlucky.

On that note, check out some of the other stuff I've posted, too. I might update something soon ;)

A/N 3: OH! And for those of you that might care, these 26 chapters take up 563 pages in Google Docs, and I had to make a second document in order to contain it. Neat, huh?

A/N 4: Responses to reviews on this website.

Amatsumi: Got what you wanted, huh?

Pyromania101: In a move that will probably upset many… I reveal that I have only watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail… a few years ago. So: your joke(?) is probably funny, but I am uneducated and don't get the joke XP

YuukiAsuna-Chan: As has been stated, with the relative 'ease' of Belzerg's war compared to the Empire's, Tanya and Viktoriya are have the time and energy to worry about other things than trying not to die in any number of ways. Plus, the thing Tanya won't talk about forced her to become more aware of her being a girl.

Also… this website doesn't like it when you put links into your text, but if I search it with google…

Well, I think I found it in a thread about IQ, and it looks like it's probably something about guns and size comparisons. As for addressing your question more directly…

The answer… is *CAR HONKING LOUDLY*

Huh? Hey, wait, it's *BASS BOOSTED VERSION OF THE LAUGH TRACK FROM SEINFELD*

Well, I guess I can't tell you. You'll have to wait and find out.

Honest Lunar Raven: Thank you! :)

SoleReclaimer: Yeah! I thought it would be interesting if Tanya caused the Elroad incident to happen early.

GrumpyGrue:

CH 003 Comment: Then you'll probably be happy with this!

CH 011 Comment: I thought it was fitting too.

CH 016 Comment:If you're interested, Chris's party members get their just-desserts in the Omake Companion series.

LuciusRedhand: I know what I said, but…

Well, as I said above, Isekai Quartet Season 2 came out, and I didn't have an Omake prepared to celebrate that fact…

But! I did upload this, and I've (probably) got something else, so… balance restored?

Regardless, thank you for the encouragement.

Silly Thoughts:

CH 001 Comment: Yeah, I wouldn't deprive Aqua of Kazuma, and, more importantly, if Tanya had chosen Aqua, she would only get Aqua for the week she put up with her (nonexistent) standards and belly-aching.

CH 002 Comment: Have you been reading ahead?

NoXVZhuusox: His name was first given at the end of chapter 13, and he's one of the reincarnates that Tanya takes care of during the 3-week intermission.

Shade E. Midnight: Firstly, thank you for the praise. It's… well, not to sound too sappy, but heartwarming to find that people genuinely like what I have to write.

And secondly… yeah, Konosuba is really goofy, especially at the beginning. I could hardly actually read the first Light Novels because it was lots of magic and insults and humor and not much else. While I do want a bit of mindless reading sometimes, it did get a bit… overbearing, sometimes.

But the later parts of it – at least, the Light Novels – might surprise you. There's less goofiness and more meaningful interactions going on with the Demon King approaching and a continued development of their relationships… though it also starts to teeter towards filler more than once. If the anime actually ever gets to the later Light Novels – hopefully before the sun expands and destroys the planet, but who knows – I'm sure I'll like it more than the first seasons.

Starlight Naruru: I haven't actually decided how much she'll change her appearance, though Meliodas is a great reference.

It'll probably depend on what I'm feeling when I get there and how much hilarity would ensue if some wack-ass Japanese dude started claimed to have been a small European girl a week earlier versus if Tanya just started using male pronouns and absolutely nobody questioned it out of fear for a reprisal.

And, though it was a bit late, I'd like to thank Imperial warlord, simple405, Sprengkamp, Haloman6494, reihangima, and everyone else who continues to support my work (despite the upload schedule).