Third Time's the Charm

by SugarcaneSoldier

Dying again was much more painful the second time for Tanya von Degurechaff, but what came after was intriguing, to say the least, and she was nothing if not opportunistic. Taking the opportunity presented by Aqua would expand her opportunities by much more than she could have dreamed possible… but why did the good have to come with so much insanity!

36. …Worse Nightmares, Meetings…

Lolisa wasted no time. Tanya was supposedly a veteran of a war and, while not technically a veteran adventurer yet – there was some sort of complicated process involved in being officially titled a veteran – she was a powerful one.

Lolisa jumped at the door, one of her hands curled around Tanya's ring. The curtains were too thick for her to be able to push past them and break the window, so she had to hope that they would-

BANG!

"AHH!" she cried out. Her leg began to scream at her that she needed to disintegrate, that existing was too painful and worth too much energy, but she just collapsed to the ground and grabbed her leg.

All she could think about was the pain, the pain of her soulless body asking her to move on, to give up, and she could only cry out and desperately-

"Active Barrier!"

The room was filled with light, and Lolisa saw that the door was now glowing due to an odd, patterned barrier. Her attention was dragged away from the door as the girl leapt at her.

She tried to move, to get out of the way of the sword, but Tanya simply tackled her. As the air was forced from her lungs, she sat on Lolisa's body.

Her small form pressed down on her with a disproportionate force, and Lolisa realized that the odd barrier on the door was also pressing down on her wrists. Lolisa looked up at her, who was sitting so that she was sitting just above where Lolisa's small bit of clothing – what humans would call panties – began.

She was staring down at her. The smile was gone, and her sword – and the silver wand that she had been afraid she would keep near her – were poised to strike her.

"Uh… Tanya, I'm flattered, but you know Demons don't have anything like nipples or vaginas. We couldn't exactly do anything like… that."

Levity probably wasn't the way to go, but Lolisa didn't have many other options. She didn't have the power to break out, which meant her words were about all she could go for, and even they didn't exactly sound all that funny with the pain crying out in her leg.

She gave Lolisa a genuine smile and… she giggled cutely.

"You're real funny, you know?"

Then, the insane, face-splitting grin was back, and her sword plunged into Lolisa's shoulder. She tried to cry out, but her other hand had dropped the silver wand and was clamped down over her neck, choking her.

She cackled.

-OxOxO-

Lorelei grimaced. Lolisa wasn't supposed to take this long. She had heard her close Victoria's door – no matter how quiet she was, Lorelei's hearing was unparalleled – and she had heard something that sounded like speaking coming from Tanya's room. What was she-

BANG!

Lorelei shot up. No matter what she had told herself and the other Succubi, she wouldn't let one of them die just so that she wasn't punished, no matter how scary Tanya was.

She was out of her room and staring at Tanya's door. Then, she heard Victoria's door burst open, and she turned. Lorelei's eyes widened as she backed away from the towering force of anger.

"I knew it. Tanya might let her guard down, but I didn't. Aqua could come at any time, no matter how protected we are and how… dopey she is. I wasn't going to say anything about the clicking of a camera and the person I sensed behind the mirror, only making sure to trap my room."

Lorelei held up her hands as Viktoriya – her eyes bloodshot from a killer handover and her arms shaking – stalked closer, her rifle in hand and her necklace glowing. "You've sold us out. That stuff was just to get us to sleep deeply – how did you know about potatoes, anyway? – and you're trying to kill Tanya-"

Lorelei cut in. "You've got it all wrong! I just wanted to…"

Lorelei groaned briefly, but she did what she had to. "I wanted to help you. You've done so much for me, and listened to my problems and not looked down on me. You seem to think that it isn't weird to treat everyone with basic decency, and I wanted to pay you back. I got the Succubi to help me prove that you two love each other."

Victoria's anger faded only a small amount. "I told you, I tried! I spent years wondering, and she just… isn't interested in love!"

She sniffed, and Lorelei watched the bloodshot eyes begin to leak. "I- I… I wished that she would love me, and prayed, and…"

Viktoriya was crying now, and Lorelei felt absolutely terrible. She opened her mouth.

"AHAHAHAHAHA!"

They both turned to Tanya's door, their earlier argument forgotten. "Lolisa's in there. We need to get in."

Viktoriya wiped her eyes with a growl. "Fine." She walked up to the door and knocked. "Tanya! Let us in. We can talk this out," she said tiredly.

Laughter was their only answer, and Viktoriya tried to push it open. The doors in the mansion didn't have locks, supposedly because Alderp wanted to be able to snoop on whoever he wanted without having to worry about anything as basic as privacy. That man-

It didn't budge.

Viktoriya felt her expression grow worried. "Tanya? Let us in. Now."

She banged on the door, and nothing changed. She quickly activated an Observation spell.

Victoria's face fell. "No…"

She banged on the door, and crazed laughter echoed from behind it. Lorelei stood there, watching.

-OxOxO-

She ignored the banging. "The faithful, those that choose to follow me, will be allowed to live and fight for glory and heaven, but your kind, Demons and devils, should be eradicated on sight."

Lolisa shook her head and tried to ignore the pain and urge to simply give up and fade away. "T- Tanya, please. T- think of the other Succubi. We won't do business with you anymore."

She tilted her head, and Lolisa continued. "I- I looked so hard for that item you wanted. We… we eventually figured out what it must be you were looking for, even if you didn't tell us. There just isn't any other kind of item. Please…"

She raised an eyebrow, and the sword in her shoulder shifted. Lolisa bit back a scream and a curse. "I- I thought we were friends, Tanya. I suppose this might be revenge for suggesting you'd follow a God or Goddess and for the kidnapping, but-"

"Hehehehehe…"

Her laughter faded, and she stared down at her pitifully, and she twisted the sword. Lolisa couldn't help it. She screamed again, unable to focus on anything but holding on, not dying-

THUMP THUMP

She looked at the door, while Lolisa made sure her hand was still shut tight around the ring. "Ah, my faithful servant… your services aren't needed. I can take care of a single insect that dares to spite me," she called out.

Lolisa stared up at her, with tears in the corner of her eyes, terrified confusion shining in her eyes.

The girl sighed, shaking her head. She smiled down at her, like one might look down on a child.

"How clear do I have to make it to you, Demon?" she asked, all humor or reverence or insanity gone. She shook her head, and she smiled insanely again.

"Tanya von Degurechaff isn't home right now. Please, leave a message for Johanna of Berun after the scream."

Lolisa shook her head, and the creature brought a single hand with shining blades on her fingertips up to her face. Then, it disappeared, and she felt her wing being punctured.

She screamed again.

"Ahahah! HAHAHAH!"

It trailed off, and Lolisa heard the sigh echo through her fading vision. "I could think of no better name to christen myself with than that of another of god's most faithful defenders-"

A voice sounded through the door. "Tanya, please stop! Yo… you're under its control! Fight it!"

Tanya stopped, and the yellow glow that seemed to suffuse her body winked in and out for a moment. Lolisa saw her chance.

She opened her hand and thrust the ring that she had held onto on one of her fingers. Lolisa was fighting through a lot of pain, but this should-

She- no, Johanna, inhaled deeply and breathed out slowly, and then she shouted "NO!"

She took another few deep breaths, and she stared down at Lolisa, smiling horribly. "I will not let you live, no matter what. If they had given us more time, I might have been able to do so much more."

The spell holding the door shut cracked, and Viktoriya and Lorelei burst into the room as the sound of shattering glass echoed through the room. Viktoriya had on her clothing and was wielding her rifle, while Lorelei was still clad in her pajamas.

Johanna ignored them. "Yes, I would have done so much. I would have ripped out your heart and eaten it in front of you. I would have cut your legs open and pleasured myself with one femur and drank the marrow from the other. I would have-"

BANG!

The sound of Viktoriya's weapon cut her off, and she finally took notice of Lorelei and Viktoriya. Lolisa couldn't have been happier, for a moment, until the sword pressed against her head.

She glared at them. "Not another move, or she gets it. A Demon's silver tongue can't function with a blade in their brain."

Lolisa stared at the ceiling dispassionately. "I think you're the one with the silver tongue, but sure, fine, blame the Demon. We're easy targets."

Neither of them were moving, just staring at her. Lorelei quickly surveyed the room and grabbed Taya's rifle before she could get any ideas. Viktoriya stared at her, anger and fear shining in her eyes.

Her anger seemed to fade, and she sighed. The insanity was gone, and she seemed just as sad as Viktoriya. "Viktoriya, she needs to be punished for this. What if she had killed me? Can you trust her? Can you trust… them?" she asked, eyeing Lorelei.

Lorelei's eyes widened as Viktoriya's rifle lowered slightly. Viktoriya's gaze seemed to shift away from Johanna for a moment.

Lorelei stepped forward. "No, don't believe her! She said some… really disgusting, out of character stuff. There's no way she'd say that, and she's literally glowing. That can't be normal, right!?"

Viktoriya's wavering expression hardened into resolve, and she aimed her rifle at the girl.

She scoffed. "Come now. You would never hurt me, would you, Visha? You told me you wouldn't hurt me, right?"

Viktoriya's lip quivered for a moment, and then she shook her head slowly. "Whatever you are, devil, Tanya would rather die than allow herself to be controlled by someone like you and your horrible master."

Her expression shifted into intense anger, the glow from the Divine Relics intensified, and her knife was pointed at Viktoriya. "I am no Demon, and I serve no false deity, like the beast beside you does. I serve Go-"

She choked on her words, the yellow light began to flicker again, and Viktoriya smiled triumphantly. Her idea had worked. She stepped closer, and-

The light was back. "No! I do not fear the wrath of Go- I am a servant of Go- I will gladly go to hell, if it is in the service of Go-"

Johanna couldn't say it, and she screamed. Her hand, impaled in Lolisa's wing, raked across the leathery appendage, and the Succubus cried out.

Viktoriya looked at the girl on top of Lolisa. She was covered in blood. She was still trying to say the word God with all the deference and reverence the most pious would give the word. She was wearing the Type 95 and the Circlet of Greatness, meaning Viktoriya would definitely lose in a fight.

A glow was coming from one of her pockets, likely the summoning Divine Relic, and another necklace shone brightly next to the Type 95.

Her eyes widened, and she stepped closer. Johanna was too distracted – trying, desperately, to show her devotion by pronouncing his title – to realize what was going on, and Viktoriya crouched down until she was leaning over the Succubus and staring into Tanya's yellow, distant eyes.

She took the necklace in her hands and turned it around, staring at the kanji on the back.

"Your things are mine, my things are yours. I'll turn into you."

She screamed, and grabbed Viktoriya's arms roughly. "No! You'll have to let me out, and when you do, I will cleanse this world in the name of Go-"

Viktoriya felt her vision fade, for a split second, and then…

She was staring at herself. The girl…

No, Tanya. Tanya was inside her body.

Viktoriya-as-Tanya blushed as she thought about that phrase, casting her eyes downwards in shame as she tried to banish that sentence from her head.

Tanya was inside of her-

"Ah… thank you for the lust. It's really helping me not die right now." Viktoriya-as-Tanya felt the small body she was in heat up even more at that, and she jumped up from Lolisa.

Lolisa looked at her curiously. "What happened? Why aren't you… batshit crazy anymore?"

Lorelei stepped forward. "That necklace that Tanya recently lets two people switch bodies. That is Viktoriya, while…"

She looked at Viktoriya's body. With a start, it shot up, standing above Lolisa. Viktoriya-as-Tanya looked down at Lolisa.

"Ah, let me cast Heal-"

Tanya-as-Viktoriya cut her off. "No! You might hurt her!"

Tanya-as-Viktoriya wobbled over to one of the dressers and pulled out a roll of bandages. As she bent down, Viktoriya-as-Tanya slipped the ring on her finger off and gave it to Tanya-as-Viktoriya.

She slipped it on, but her actions caught up with her in that moment.

Viktoriya-as-Tanya saw tears well up in her body's eyes.

"Wh… what did I…"

She dropped the bandages. Lorelei quickly caught them and began to try her best to bind the wounds as Viktoriya-as-Tanya walked over to the now-taller woman.

"Tanya… it's alright. You're fine now."

Tanya-as-Viktoriya was quiet for a moment, and then she began to shake her head slowly.

Her head's denial of Viktoriya-as-Tanya's words quickly gained a voice. "NO! I'm not fine! I've got some insane split personality disorder that's picked out a name for itself!"

Tanya-as-Viktoriya tried to keep calm, but she couldn't. Shaking her head wouldn't help, and she wasn't sure where the Type 97 was, so she couldn't activate a Pain-Reduction Reinforcement spell to take the edge off of her emotions.

She couldn't hide from her feelings and failures and-

The floodgates were opened, and she was crying on the now-blonde woman. "I- I've probably got shit tons of PTSD or some other stress disorder. Or maybe more than one! I'm just bottling it all up and hoping that just- being… logical will let me ignore these problems and this magic and this insanity! I've never been f- fine."

They were sitting on the bed now, and Tanya-as-Viktoriya was crying on her shoulder, choking out her words between suppressed sobs. "I'm not okay! I've got some insane thing that calls itself god after me, trying to convert me! It's… it's working! I'm- I'm going to give in and kill millions. I'm horrible, and I would have k- killed you too."

Viktoriya-as-Tanya shook her head. "Never. You'd never let yourself do that-"

The crying became more pronounced, and she gripped her tighter. "I would have! I would have given in and let myself go. Just to make it stop, for deliverance."

Viktoriya-as-Tanya stiffened – what was she talking about? – but she didn't pull away. She hugged her tighter, and that only made her cry more. She wasn't yelling anymore.

"Why don't you hate me?"

Viktoriya-as-Tanya blinked in confusion, and Tanya-as-Viktoriya glared at her, tears and snot leaking down her face. "I'd have let you take a bullet for me in an instant at the beginning. I had wished I had left you on the Rhine for helping me with the 203rd. I disliked you all for not quitting on me during training. I would have gladly sacrificed you all for a chance to live. I'm a coward, and you…

She glared at her with sorrow instead of malice. "You. Still. Won't. Hate. Me."

Viktoriya-as-Tanya just smiled softly. She pulled away – only enough that her face could be seen – and looked herself in her eyes.

"We all make mistakes, Tanya. Even if you would have let me take a bullet for you without caring or sacrificing us, you've… changed. You care about us, and we care about you all the more because of it."

Viktoriya-as-Tanya kept hugging her, pressing herself into her opposite, and she just kept crying. It was like when they'd first met in this insane world, only twenty times worse.

At some point, Tanya-as-Viktoriya fell asleep in Viktoriya-as-Tanya's arms, and she did too.

-OxOxO-

When the light of day woke them up, Viktoriya was back in her body, wiping tears she hadn't cried from her cheeks.

Tanya's face was stained with tears too. She must have cried in her sleep. Viktoriya licked her thumb and wiped them away in a moment.

"Cough cough."

Viktoriya felt an eye twitch at the audacity of two people saying the word 'cough' twice, in unison. She stiffly turned her head to see that Lorelei and Lolisa were staring at them. Lolisa's wing, head, shoulder, and leg all had bandages on them. She looked uncomfortable, but she wasn't dead, thankfully.

Viktoriya looked at Lolisa. "Is Tanya asleep?"

The Succubus thought, for a moment, about lying, but she really didn't want to invoke her wrath, if the upset expression on her face was anything to go by. She shook her head, and Viktoriya sighed.

"Are you alright, Lolisa?"

The Succubi gave her a diminutive nod. "Yeah. This isn't my first rodeo. I've been alive for a few centuries, and things like this have happened before."

Viktoriya nodded. She didn't believe her for a minute – she had a… look in her eyes that reminded her greatly of the bedraggled veterans fighting in the Russy Federation – but their actions, the reason that Tanya was lying in bed, unconscious bade her to ignore whatever the Succubus was feeling.

She glared at them both. "If either of you try anything like this again…"

She sighed, and she felt tears well up in her own eyes. "I tried. I promise, I tried, I really tried to talk to her about a relationship with her, but she made it clear, and she even gave me an out so we could move past it."

She sighed unhappily. "I've come to terms with the idea that Tanya just doesn't love people like that… even if she is attracted to women…"

She trailed off, and they looked up to see stormy unhappiness. "If you try and prove the presence of something that isn't there, I will make what happened last night look like child's play. You will regret being born if you make her suffer like that again."

The fact that she looked ready to do just that forced them both to stiffly nod.

Viktoriya pointed at the door. "Leave. I don't care what you do, just don't do it here. Tell the servants they've got a day of paid leave, too. I'm…"

She trailed off and turned to look at Tanya again, and they both left quickly.

Viktoriya stared down at Tanya for half an hour before she decided to do anything but send out Observation spells.

Maybe… maybe…

She shook her head. No, she'd made her peace with the idea of Tanya's love. She would move on and forget about it, as Tanya obviously had.

Tanya began to blink slowly, and then she blushed as she realized her head was resting on Victoria's lap. "V- Visha-"

She shook her head. "It's alright, Tanya. You're safe."

Her blush didn't fade completely, but she did sigh. "I- I'm going to tell you guys everything. I… I can't risk you being blindsided, and if that… 'Johanna of Berun' ever comes back, you have to be able to get me back. You need more information, and if I keep not-talking about it, I get the feeling that that thing will only get more powerful."

Viktoriya nodded sadly, and Tanya sat up. "It's too dangerous to keep my secrets locked up. I'll… stop putting it off."

"I'll talk about everything. Tonight."

-OxOxO-

They were walking through a nearly silent mansion. The servants, after those two had fallen asleep, had come into Tanya's room to inquire about the ruckus.

Lorelei had ordered them to patrol the grounds and to look for intruders, just in case. Now, she'd have to go to each of them and tell them to have a break.

She sighed. "Well, that was a bust. Sorry for causing so much trouble for you guys," she said to Lolisa.

She should have known things would go this bad with Tanya's Luck being in the single digits. Honestly, she should have left it alone.

Maybe she should just get her a regular gift instead of trying to play matchmaker?

Lorelei was startled out of her thoughts by giggling. She turned to stare down at Lolisa, who was staring at the far end of the hallway.

"Uh… Lolisa? Are you okay? Do you need Tanya to Heal you?"

She shook her head and began to speak. "No. I'm just fine."

Lorelei almost audibly groaned at the weird way she said that. A swift movement of her head revealed that the Succubus was staring all the way up at Lorelei, and the beastman got a foreboding feeling in her gut.

"Those two would create enough Lust to feed the Succubi of Axel for years! We're getting them together, no matter what. Some of us might die… but it'll be worth it, to even experience even an iota of their lust and love."

Lorelei stared dejectedly at the ground. No doubt about it, she would be pulled into this. "Is there really no one else you can do this for?"

She shook her head. "Nope! What they've got going on is a relationship, buried for years and chock full of unreleased tension and pent up feelings. I have no doubt that if we actually had any baby-making organs, we'd get twenty consecutive orgasms from the sparks that would fly from that union."

Lorelei felt a blush overcome her face. "Well… whatever. I'll help, but Viktoriya will kill us."

Lolisa shrugged. "Oh well."

Lorelei groaned and fought the urge to weep dramatically. She really should have just gotten Viktoriya a conventional gift as thanks for being friends. This had already shot well beyond complicated and all the way into 'they'll write tragedies about this shit later…'

-OxOxO-

Kazuma gave the receptionist one last glance – this time aimed at her chest – and then he turned around.

"Alright. I guess we're done. Until Darkness gets her armor back, we don't have many quests." He told them unhappily.

Darkness jumped forward. "What about taking on some Giant-"

"NO!" the three of them shouted at her angrily. She gasped in pleasure at being refused, and Kazuma quickly left, thinking about the past few days.

Three days ago, he met the hopeless Crusader that now called their party her own. He'd tried to subtly tell her that they were a horrible party, and that they wouldn't really be worth her time, even if his eyes had been nearly glued to her chest the entire time.

He had thankfully driven her off, and he'd slept in until near lunch the next day. Then, when he'd been wondering how he was going to learn skills, a silver-haired Thief had offered to teach him what she knew, for a price.

They'd gone behind the guild, where they kept monsters that were captured for quests, and she'd shown him tons of skills. More than he could learn, at any rate.

Steal was what he was most interested in, but the Thief, who had soon introduced herself as Chris, had continued to show off tons of skills, even when he said he didn't have the Skill Points to get so many.

Enemy Detection. Lurk. Bind. Escape. Wire Trap. Detect and Disarm Trap. Lockpick.

He'd been suspicious that she would show him so much without first naming a price, but her request afterward was only just worth all the skills. She had a letter she wanted to be delivered to that Crusader, and she wanted him to let the Crusader join his party.

Darkness was apparently a friend of hers, and he'd agreed to let her in and give her the letter. That hadn't seemed like too much of a hassle.

Well, after he'd demonstrated his latest skill in front of the entire guild by robbing Megumin of her panties – and she was even Chuuni enough to wear black ones – Darkness had begged to join.

He'd let her in and given her that letter. All of her perverseness faded in an instant, and she'd run off to try and find some guards to warn about the Thief.

Megumin had informed Kazuma that there was a very high bounty on a silver-haired Thief named Chris that had tried to kill the Governor and that had armed terrorists. Everyone thought she had escaped into the countryside, but they were happy to have another chance to catch her again.

Kazuma subsequently denied ever having taken anything from the Thief, not that anyone seemed to care that much.

Kazuma was mystified as to why Megumin seemed to be so angry at the Governor and why she wouldn't mention her by name, but they'd been distracted by the Cabbage quest.

Megumin, halfway through, had talked to a much more powerful party headed by some guy named Rex. Megumin had seemed to be under the impression that they had left, and their party's leader had mumbled something about wanting to try and convince a girl to go out with him.

His two friends – Terry the Monk and Sophie the Spearman – had been teasing him relentlessly about something.

Then, Darkness had been attacked by the cabbage. At some point, Megumin had been knocked out – the work of the nefarious Governor, according to her – Darkness had been bombarded by Cabbage enough that her armor was destroyed, and everyone else did what they could to get Cabbage.

Kazuma had captured a very large number, thanks to his Steal skill, and he was hoping for a large payout.

However, with Darkness's armor destroyed and sent away for repair, he had taken on the quest to banish a Zombie Maker so Aqua wouldn't be quite as useless. They had met Wiz – who was doing the job of the apparently money-loving Priests of Axel – and they had taken the card with her name and directions to her shop on it.

Early the next morning, they had come back to the guild. He had to explain to Luna that there wasn't a Zombie Maker at all, but an 'Archmage' named Wiz sending the restless souls of the undead to heaven.

He'd tried to argue that they should get compensated for their wasted time, but she'd just pointed to the imposing looking Knights by the desk that were now constantly on guard and asked him to take it up with them.

Aqua chattered in his ear as he thought, and he sighed unhappily. Maybe he'd just lie around for a while? He'd gotten a small bit of cash for providing information about the location of Chris too, even if he hadn't known she was a criminal. Lazing around for the rest of the day wouldn't really hurt him at all…

Though, trying loiter around the front of the guild and stare at the passing females also seemed like a good idea. Dust had even-

Suddenly, he found himself impacting something soft and being sent to the ground. He managed to land on his ass instead of hitting his head, and he looked up, squinting.

The sun was shining behind the figure's head, and she was talking. "Ah, are you okay? I'm so sorry, I was so distracted. I'm looking for someone, and I wasn't looking where I was going."

They offered him their hand, and he took it, rising up from the ground. He dusted off his clothing and squinted at the…

Total hottie! She was wearing a white blouse that proudly displayed her chest – not as big as Darkness's, but he didn't mind much – and black pants that hugged her wide hips. He dragged his unwilling eyes up to her simple, lovely face and bright blue eyes. He must have bounced off of her ample-

"Ah, you are sorry, right? That means you must feel bad! Please, give us some money so that he'll be compensated for-" interjected the annoying, useless Goddess.

Kazuma felt one of his eyes twitch, and he hit her over the head. "Shut up! I won't let you ruin something else!"

He turned back around, making sure to only glance at her chance for the moment where she was distracted by Aqua's whining. "Y- You hit me! You need to stop doing that! Treat me with a bit of respect, you stupid NEET! I'll-"

The woman blinked. "Ah, actually, could you help me? I'd be willing to pay you, of course, but if you can direct me to a specific adventurer, I'll be sure to make it… worth your time."

Kazuma found that his head was bobbing vigorously, stealing glances at her chest every time his head was bowed at its lowest. Aqua was still complaining, and he turned her out easily.

"Alright. Um.. I'm looking for Satou Kazuma? He's got dark hair and dark eyes, a party of four, and his only redeeming feature is his Luck," she said.

Kazuma glared at her. "Hey, my name is Satou Kazuma. You said some really rude things right there."

She blinked. "What? But… your hair isn't that dark, and neither are your eyes… though…"

She trailed off, tapping a finger against her chin and shifting uneasily. That shifting did wonderful things to her breasts, and Kazuma only looked up when she began to talk and stopped thinking, which was an unfairly short amount of time, in his opinion. "I guess, compared to the people in Axel, those are quite dark colors."

Kazuma nodded and cast a quick look around. Everyone's hair here was anything but normal. White, gray, and anything on a rainbow seemed to be the norm. He'd only seen a small group of three in the guild with black and brown hair, while he, Darkness, and Megumin also had somewhat normally colored hair.

Everyone else seemed happy to do whatever they wanted with their hair, as long as it wasn't blond, black, or brown. The same went for everyone's eyes, which were odd colors like gray, purple, and orange, instead of normal colors like his green ones or Darkness's blue eyes.

She shrugged and then smiled happily. "Ah, if you are Kazuma, then I'd like to hire you."

He grinned. "Of course! I suppose that it was inevitable for me to gain great fame. What great task would you like me to take on?"

She blinked. "Um, actually, I need to see your Adventurer Card first. Can't just accept you at face value," she said, shrugging apologetically. Her smile hadn't seemed to fade, though.

Kazuma nodded eagerly and handed over his card. She looked at it and smiled. "Excellent! My name is… Sasha."

Kazuma nodded and quickly took his Adventurer Card back. "Ah, will you walk with me while we go to the area where the quest is?" she asked while tilting her head.

He nodded happily, while Aqua continued to talk about some nonsense about suspicious people. This person wasn't suspicious.

She hadn't even known who he was, in the first place, and she hadn't tried any of the typical 'hey, don't you remember me?' scams. He tuned out Aqua and walked slightly behind the woman in order to stare at her ass.

"I'm sorry to say that this isn't some grand quest." He blinked, and he focused back on her head. "What do you mean?"

"Actually, I need you to do something much more simple. You see, around a week ago, I purchased a new magic ring, to help with my defenses. However, when I left the shop, I was attacked by Crows."

Kazuma blinked. "Crows? Why would they attack you?"

Aqua jumped in. "Hey, Crows are much more dangerous in this world. They go after people and take their belongings. They usually populate trash heaps, though the smarter ones will take people's stuff and hold it for ransom."

The woman had stopped, and Kazuma waved off her concerned gaze. "Ah, I'm not from around here, so I didn't know that," he said. That excuse had worked every other time he said it to cover his lack of knowledge.

The woman shrugged, accepting his excuse. "Anyway, it took me a week to track down which of them was holding onto it, but I found it. I'm a Spearman, though, so I can't get it back with Thief skills, and the regular Thieves charge too much."

Kazuma nodded again. "It'll be-"

Then he stopped and stared at her, thinking furiously. She continued to stare at him innocently, and Aqua continued to natter on unceasingly, but he ignored both.

They charged her more than she would give him? He glared at her unmoving, unapologetic expression. "Hey, wait a minute. How much would they charge you?"

Aqua was also glaring at her now, and he snorted derisively at the behavior. She might not be doing anything to help in quests, but she'd mooch off of Kazuma shamelessly if he had more money. Which he would get if he did this.

She just smiled sweetly. "I'm offering you easy work, right? If you're confident in your abilities, this will only take you a few minutes, and then you can get back to whatever you were doing, right?"

He and Aqua continued to glare at her, and she sighed, pouting cutely. "Alright, fine. I wanted this to be a bit cheaper, but they'd charge me for every attempt, regardless of what they managed to take. If it were what I wanted or a handful of feathers, they'd still charge me. You can get it in one."

Her expression almost distracted Kazuma, but he shook his head and glared. "I knew it! You don't even look like a Spearman-"

She cut him off with a raised eyebrow. "I do have more than one set of clothes, and you certainly don't seem to mind these clothes too much. Really, could you make your staring anymore obvious?"

He began sputter out excuses – and not blush, since he wasn't sorry or embarrassed at all – and she continued. "Anyway, just aim at the largest Crow – the Honcho Crow – use Steal, and get me my ring. You'll get a bit of money after that."

He glared angrily at her, as did Aqua, but then Kazuma smirked as a new idea came to him.

He smiled at her. "No problem!"

He ducked into the alleyway she was motioning towards. He'd get the ring, alright, and then he'd keep it. Maybe it would be worth more?

No, that would be against the law, probably. Well, he could use Steal on her and take her panties. She'd be much more likely to give him lots of money after that. He would have used that idea on Chris, probably, but she hadn't really given him an opportunity to, with how quickly she had left…

Which really should have set off warning bells in his head, but, really, who could blame him? He hadn't known.

Aqua spoke up from behind him. "You know that Crows travel in large groups and are the size of your old world's vultures, right?"

Kazuma's confident steps faltered, and he almost tripped.

Crows as big as vultures? That attacked in groups and were smart enough to steal specific items and hold them for ransom?

He shook his head. "Hey, I've got you to Heal me if anything goes too badly, and I only have to use Steal once, right?"

They turned the corner, where Sasha had pointed, and they saw…

Nothing. It was a maze of alleyways, but there were no Crows. He turned back to her, only to see that she was blocking the entrance. "Hey, where are the Crows? Did they fly off, or-"

"There are no Crows."

He and Aqua spun around to find the voice that had come from directly behind them, only to find-

Nothing. They both looked around a bit more. Where had that voice come from? Were they farther-

"Down here, dipshits."

They both looked down, and Kazuma saw a tiny little girl.

She was wearing a cap that looked like it had been plucked from some military officer's head. She was wearing tiny black gloves and a mantle that looked like his own, except that the border was black instead of yellow.

She was also wearing a simple white shirt and black jeans, though the shirt was more like a t-shirt in length than his.

Kazuma continued to look around, and the girl seemed to grow angry. He focused on the girl.

"Hey, are you okay, little girl? You know, a dark alleyway isn't the best place for someone like-"

Click.

Kazuma blinked and looked down from her face to find that the barrel of a…

A gun.

"Uh…"

A voice came from behind him. "They were super easy to fool, Tanya, even if this… piece of shit couldn't take his eyes off of me."

The girl in front of him smirked nastily. "No worries. If we kill them…"

He jumped up, no longer leaning over the girl. He noticed that 'Sasha' was glaring angrily at him and that she now had on a green jacket that hid her wonderful body, and, much more relevant to his current situation, a rifle. She was walking forward, making sure that Aqua, who had tried to run-

He glared at her. "Why you… you stupid Goddess! You would have ditched me here? I'm going to get you replaced! I swear I will when I-"

"You aren't going anywhere," said the small girl. Kazuma flinched, scared shitless, until he noticed where her gun was pointed.

She wasn't looking at him, though, but at Aqua.

Said useless Goddess was now blubbering. "N- No! Please, don't kill me! I-"

In fact, she walked right past Kazuma, aiming her pistol at Aqua instead. "Finally… I have one of you ineffectual losers at my mercy. How… cathartic."

He looked down the alley, into a confusing maze of alleyways that were beyond them. If he ran…

But he'd have to leave Aqua behind… to possibly get shot…

'Sasha's' voice rang out behind him. "Piece of shit, if you run, we'll have to shoot you."

He stayed put and turned towards the tiny girl, who was advancing on Aqua and quietly chuckling. "Ehehehe… Hahaha… I have a self-proclaimed goddess at my mercy."

She was laughing creepily, the other girl was smiling and looking on, and Aqua was sitting on the floor, trying her hardest to stay away from either of them. "P- Please…"

She looked at Kazuma. "Don't let me die, you stupid NEET! Save me!"

He stared warily at the woman with the rifle and the loli with the pistol. "Uh… maybe they won't kill you Aqua? Th- They haven't killed us yet, at least."

Kazuma didn't exactly want to contemplate his chances, but he was sure they were bleak. He didn't think the alleyway they were in was exactly good for maneuvering a rifle, but Kazuma couldn't dodge bullets like some stereotypical overpowered anime protagonist.

Tanya cast a pleased, skeptical look at Kazuma, and then turned back to the Goddess. "Kill you? Why would I kill one of my tormentors, when I could do so much more? What's the idiotic saying, about killing everyone and letting 'god' sort out the rest?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Well, how about I sort you out and let Being X try and put you back together?"

Aqua stopped with the excuses and began to wail. "Waaaaaaaaahhhhhh! P- Pleeeease!"

The loli was laughing maniacally again, while the taller, better-looking woman was still just smiling at the loli.

After watching that for a few moments, he wondered if he could just sneak away, but the loli seemed to calm down a bit. "But, as a person that really just wants to live a peaceful life, I might allow myself to be convinced. Please, try and persuade me that I shouldn't just stick this gun in your mouth and pump you full of lead."

Aqua took a few seconds to recover – amazing, since all of the tears she had shed up until this situation were undoubtedly fake – and the girl talked in the meantime. "Honestly, your attempt at convincing me to come to this world was better than any attempt at converting me that Being X tried. I'll let you try and convince me again, just for the amusement you provided me."

Aqua nodded, suddenly encouraged, and then she brought out a familiar seed and cup-

Kazuma facepalmed. "You stupid useless Goddess! She's not going to care about party tricks!" Kazuma shouted.

Aqua's face fell, but before she could start to argue with him, the other two stared at Aqua in amusement. "While it would be quite hilarious to see you reduced to acting like some busker, I think not."

They lowered their weapons, and Kazuma brought out his Adventurer Card. He hadn't gotten it yet, but if he used his last experience points to get the Escape skill, maybe…

Aqua put away the seed, and touched the tips of her fingers together. "Um… when I get back to Heaven, I could put in a good word fo-"

The pistol was back, and tears welled up in Aqua's eyes again, as did a whine at the back of her throat. "Keep trying. It's honestly kind of amusing, but you're starting to drift into pathetic territory, like… a dog that needs to be put down."

"Um… well, I have lots of skills, so I could be of use to you that way. I- I even know Resurrection-"

Tanya scoffed. "I'm not getting out of heaven ever again after you got me out of there – thanks for that, by the way – so… keep trying. I might need to test the extent of your powers, however, and that would require me to wound someone."

She looked between Kazuma and Aqua, and he fought to keep his bowels together at the appraising look she sent him.

Just as Kazuma was about to learn the Escape skill, however…

"Ah, right, you're actually a guy in a woman's body, right? Um… if you don't kill me, there's a cult full of people that-"

BANG!

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Kazuma pressed down on the picture of his head, learning the skill, but she had missed Aqua by a few inches. "Your disgusting cult is infested with pedophiles, Aqua. I'm more interested in exterminating them than I am in killing you. Keep. Talking."

Kazuma interjected. "Wait, you're a guy? You look like a lol-"

She aimed her pistol at him, and he snapped his mouth shut. Kazuma might have been a NEET – which was debatable anyway, since he'd died outside – but he wasn't a complete idiot. Pushing his Luck here would probably get him killed.

She sighed tiredly. "Well, I don't suppose you gave your contract more than a cursory look, right?"

At his slow nod, she rolled her eyes. "Whatever. If she convinces me, I might fill you in on what's happening. I'll have to keep a close watch on her anyway."

Then, she shrugged noncommittally. "Of course, it isn't like I ever cared about any of the others all that much-"

Aqua suddenly brightened up. "Ah, that's right! Because I'm here, Heaven can't send down any more Reincarnates."

The loli blinked, and her conversation with Kazuma dried up in an instant. "Oh? Prove it."

Aqua's happy expression faded a small amount. "Um… well, because of all the complicated contracts that hold Heaven together, if I don't officially renounce the position I have, then I am still the only one with the authorization to send people down."

Tanya raised an eyebrow, and the self-proclaimed goddess continued. "Yeah. If you kill me, uh…"

A very serious expression crossed her face. "Uh… I might die permanently, but I also might just respawn in Heaven after a bit. The Gods and Goddesses will be really angry at you either way, and they'll begin to send down some very strong weapons, in addition to more Reincarnates."

Tanya nodded slowly. It was interesting, if she was telling the truth, but Tanya wasn't convinced. "And Being X?"

She shrugged. "No one but me can do it. There was something about 'abuse of powers' and 'overstepping authority,' but I got bored of reading that packet, so I made samurai armor out of it."

Tanya couldn't help the incredulity that bloomed on her face, and she sighed after the unapologetic look on Aqua's face. That only really helped her if… someone in her position were to aid the Demon King.

Although… regardless of what side she was on, the Reincarnates would probably try and kill her.

Kazuma raised a hand. "Uh… could I please know what's going on?"

Tanya blinked, and then she smirked at Aqua. "Though… if Kazuma declines his contract, then all of your power might leave you, like with the weapons."

Aqua blanched, and Kazuma groaned. He didn't know what 'declining' his contract would entail, but he wasn't tossing away his only cheat since he was so weak.

They glared at him again. Of course, if he had to save his life…

Tanya grinned evilly again. "Ah, but if the process is as painful for you as it was for Viktoriya and Takashi, you might just prefer death."

Aqua began to wail again, and Tanya rolled her eyes. Honestly-

Kazuma stepped between them and Aqua. "He- Hey… is there really a need for all of this? I mean… killing people is against the law here, right? You wouldn't want to be in prison, especially since you're a-"

BANG!

He had been about to say 'trap,' but now he was just screaming and waiting for the pain oh God why him why was this stupid loli trying to kill him and why was she ruining the fantasy vibe of this place even more than his clothes did and-

"Shut up, you stupid Reincarnate!"

Oh. Had he said all that out loud?

He peeled open his eyes. The trap was blushing and glaring, while 'Sasha' was incredulously staring at the ground. Aqua seemed relieved. Then, he realized that they were staring between him and…

Well, it might have been a Crow a few seconds ago, but now it was a mangled mess of feathers, blood, and, presumably, a bullet.

He blinked. "Uh… did you miss?"

Tanya shook her head numbly. "I shouldn't have."

She looked up from the Crow and-

BANG!

He winced, and watched as another Crow hit the ground after intercepting the bullet. He opened his mouth-

BANG! BANG!

He ducked his head and winced in rapid succession, only to stare as two more Crows intercepted the bullets.

Before she could do anything else, he began to shout. "Would you stop that?! I don't know what kind of intimidation tactic this is, but-"

Tanya grabbed Victoria's rifle, taking great care to aim for the center of his chest. She wouldn't miss this time-

BANG! BANG!

He ducked preemptively, and she watched as her next two bullets hit the clasp of his mantle. She watched as one ricocheted into his boot and another hit Aqua in the leg.

Tanya looked down at her rifle. How…

Meanwhile, Aqua was quietly staring at her leg for a moment, and Kazuma hurriedly picked up his mantle as she-

"WWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"You stupid Goddess. You can cast Heal on yourself."

"I saw that bullet. It didn't hit a bone or anything, so just cast Heal."

Tanya and Kazuma blinked in confusion and then stared at each other for a moment.

After that, Tanya just sighed. "I should get paid to deal with this shit…"

She shook her head and glanced at Aqua. "I'll let you live for now. If someone in my position joins the Demon King, you get to live as long as you like, but if I side with Belzerg, I might have to force Kazuma to renegade on his contract."

Aqua stopped crying in an instant and hurriedly cast Heal on herself, and she smiled brightly up at her, as if the pain hadn't even been there. "Ah, we actually removed that feature of the contracts. I got tired of having to deal with whiny brats that were afraid of you or the Demon King. Instead, the contract can't be backed out of, for any of the parties, and it ensures that you simply can't decide to seriously side with the Demon King, unless they get pushed really far. It alters your brain chemistry!" she finished cheerfully.

Tanya raised an eyebrow, and then turned to Kazuma. He shrugged. "I wouldn't want to do that anyway. That sounds like too much trouble."

"HikiNEET," Aqua spat out. He rounded on her, glaring, and Tanya sighed.

A NEET?

How idiotic. They weren't, by any means, a large part of the first society she'd been a part of, but she disliked them regardless.

As the two of them continued to bicker, Tanya turned around. "Come on, Viktoriya. I want some lunch, and dealing with these two wouldn't be hard in the slightest. It wasn't even as cathartic as I thought it would be."

She nodded. "Yeah. She's a Priest, right? She couldn't hurt us with most of her abilities anyway, and that KazuTrash is honestly pathetic."

They ignored the brief pause in their hostilities to shout "Hey!" at them, but they didn't even turn around. There were better things they could be doing with their time – like attempting to convince a rock that it could talk, maybe – and they were busy people.

"I'll show you. STEAL!"

Tanya turned around, Victoria's rifle in hand. She would run him through with the blade if it were the last thing she-

She blinked at the sudden absence, and she looked down at herself. No, it wasn't there either, so-

She looked up. Viktoriya's rifle was now in the hands of the NEET. He looked just as surprised as Aqua did.

Then, he triumphantly turned to Aqua. "See? I didn't steal her panties, which means that what I did to Megumin was completely accidental."

Aqua rolled her eyes. "No, it probably just means that she really is a trap. Though, whether that's because she's a girl dressed as a guy, or a guy in a girl's body is debatable."

Tanya was in front of him in a second, swiping away Viktoriya's rifle. "Do that again and I'll drain your body of its fluids using magic."

He nodded rapidly and unerringly, and Tanya spun around, hurrying away with Viktoriya.

She handed the woman her rifle back and sighed. Honestly-

"Ah… Tanya? What is a… 'trap'?"

As Tanya tripped and impacted the ground, she wondered if she couldn't go back and kill them anyway.

Their stupid insistence on using those terms meant that Tanya was now going to have to explain the deep, dark rabbit hole of the fetishes born thanks to anime, the internet, and the human race's insatiable curiosity that wouldn't be abated by anything less than total revulsion.

Oh, some of the stuff on the World Wide Web might have had historical ties as well, but she was damn sure that the word trap hadn't been invented until modern times.

Regardless, she was going to have to explain it now, and she was not looking forward to this.

-OxOxO-

Tanya smiled at Viktoriya from under her hood. "You know, this isn't as bad as I thought it would be."

The woman who had once been her adjutant nodded and then looked around nervously. Tanya didn't blame her, but it was necessary.

After Tanya had ducked into a different nearby alley, explained what horrors the future had wrought upon people, and consoled a seemingly disillusioned Viktoriya, they'd left the area in the dust.

Unfortunately, they'd been attacked by a veritable horde of Crows, probably angry that Tanya had killed some of them. They had been forced to use their Reinforcement spells to run for it, and they'd only just managed to duck into a somewhat nice looking establishment for a bit of lunch.

Five Cabbage had jumped from the kitchen and tried to bombard them. Tanya had accepted the owner's offer of a free lunch.

Things had gotten worse from there. The windows had been broken by Crows attempting to get them, which had released the Cabbage again. Tanya had been forced to hire Dust – who had apparently decided to spend the money he hoped to earn from the Cabbage and had gone into debt – Taylor, Lynn, and Keith to protect them.

Still, the food wasn't half bad, and she'd managed to strike up a conversation with Taylor. Viktoriya was talking to Lynn, while Keith and Dust were staring at them all and muttering.

Finally, their check came. Tanya paid for a bit of it and slipped Taylor some cash as well. "For your services."

He nodded gratefully, and, as they stood, Dust spoke up. "Stupid loli Axis Culti-"

She pointed her pistol at him. "Please, Dust, continue to speak. I'd love to buy up all your debt and charge you an outrageous amount of interest. Maybe ten percent increase a day, this time?"

Viktoriya seemed to be blushing – probably from the hot meal and being mistaken as a follower of the pitiful person they'd beaten soundly just an hour ago – while the others were staring at her. Dust had frozen and was just staring at her silently.

He remained silent, and she sighed. "Let's go, Viktoriya. We've got things to do today."

She nodded, and they set off, scanning the area and making sure that nothing else unlucky would attack them.

Luck was, of course, what had protected Kazuma. His immense Luck and her nearly nonexistent Luck meant that she… might not be able to hit him with a projectile unless she was resting a gun on his forehead.

She didn't want to believe that Luck – something that was random and helpful and unhelpful in equal portions – but what she had seen proved that it had to exist in some capacity, for Crows to jump in front of her bullets like that.

She shrugged. Oh well. They needed to get a few things before their…

Tanya scowled. She supposed that the only phrase for it would be 'Tanya and Viktoriya's history and past that they didn't really want to talk about', but that was just…

Depressing.

She shook her head and continued on her way. They were headed somewhere to see if they could get a bit of… magical help, to lend credence to her and Victoria's words.

"Hey!" came a shout to their left. They looked and saw that Lorelei was waving them down and charging through a crowd. She seemed… oddly chipper, considering what happened last night.

They both greeted the beastman, and she walked next to them towards their destination. "So, you guys said we were going to Wiz's shop, right? Why?"

Tanya sighed. "I… want to get an item that might… prove what we're saying is true."

Lorelei began to digest that, and Tanya was left to her own devices for a moment.

She had no doubt that, despite the fact that Viktoriya had told her that she would have believed her if Tanya had told her she was forced into a second life by a thing that claimed to be god, even her friend would need a bit more proof than just her word.

In that case, Tanya was a smart girl who'd joined the army at a ridiculously young age. In this one, Tanya was technically an adult who might be seen as crazy for what she would say.

If she was going to try and prove this, she wasn't going to go through any long, drawn out process that involved crying and pleading. She was going to do something that would save them time, if not money.

She pushed open the door to Wiz's shop.

-OxOxO-

"What are you trying to do now?" he asked as he slapped Aqua on the back of the head.

"Ouch! Stop hitting me! You did that in front of that devil! She'll kill me in a moment if she detects even a hint of weakness, and her words are just as hollow as her heart… or your head!"

As she continued to shout at him, he just shook his head. It was only because of those two that they were even here in the first place.

After he and Aqua had finished arguing with each other, Aqua had immediately begun picking through the corpses of the Crows, looking for stolen merchandise that she wanted to resell.

Kazuma used Steal on them and got a handful of very impressive looking jewels and pieces of jewelry, which he returned to the Guild. Thanks to that, he'd been given tons of money from a number of quests posted by upset adventurers and nobles, even.

He was planning to use that money to get something to protect himself in this shop, but Wiz had offered to teach him a skill as thanks for letting her go last night and for not killing her, as an Adventurer might want to do to a Lich in the employ of the Demon King.

He couldn't learn it yet. He didn't have any Skill Points left, but he would learn Drain Touch in the future, if for no other reason than it might be very helpful when fighting that loli.

He'd had another idea too. The other Reincarnates didn't need to worry about their money and living spaces, since they all had useful cheats.

Kazuma, unfortunately, did.

However, he could market items from his original world in order to make money, and while he didn't know how he'd do it yet, he wanted to discuss the idea with Wiz.

That idea had been shot down, almost literally. All over her store, everyday items from his last life – lighters and band-aids and Swiss army knives and fans and even pocket watches – were being sold.

Someone had beat him to the punch, and if the image of a small, blonde girl being used to market the products was anything to go by, he could guess who it was.

He began to grab a few of the items off of the tables, intent on studying them to see if he could make anything she hadn't thought of.

He shook his head as one of the cardboard cutouts declared to have the most useful adventuring items in all of Belzerg. He would say that he was surprised that Aqua had accidentally reincarnated some sort of homicidal loli atheist into this world… but that would be lying.

The sound of the bell on the door ringing reached his ears, and he turned, with Aqua and Wiz, towards the door. He blinked in surprise.

"What are you doing here!?" he shouted. The… 'girl' in front of him – Tanya von Degurechaff, according to Aqua – gave him an expression that looked just as shocked as he probably did, if more annoyed than he was scared.

"I could ask you the same," she commented blandly. She stepped in and glared at Aqua, who shrank back in fear.

She chuckled and turned to Wiz. "So, you-"

She cut herself off and stared at Wiz. Then, she turned to Aqua, glaring for real this time. "What did you do to her? Why is she translucent?"

Aqua was beginning to cry again, and she just turned to him and Wiz. Wiz touched the tips of her fingers together. "Um… well, I demonstrated a skill to Kazuma so he could learn it later, and… Aqua might have held onto me for too long?"

Tanya nodded and turned to Aqua, who was now heading towards a small table near the brightly colored glass. She froze, and Tanya rested a hand on her pistol. "If you exorcise Wiz, I'll throw you in prison."

Aqua cringed away, sent a look at Kazuma, and hurriedly jumped behind him. As he tried to get her off of him – he wasn't taking a bullet for her if he could help it – she held onto him with a surprising amount of strength.

He finally accepted his position, and she began smirking at Tanya. "How? She's just a dirty, God-defying Undead, kind of like you. She's a General of the Demon King, so the town would give us tons of money-"

Tanya shook her head. "First of all, she's helped save the town using her… odd products before, so the town would be angry. Second, I am the Governor of Axel, and while the Dustiness family might help me run the surrounding lands, I technically have final authority here."

Then, she actually began to contemplate putting them in prison. "Actually, if you're safe behind bars, I don't have to worry about you dying when I don't want you to." She grinned at them.

The woman behind Tanya and her friend stepped forward, though Kazuma could easily see her face and… ears above the heads of the other two. "Uh… you guys know each other?"

Tanya rolled her eyes as Kazuma began to think. "Yes, we know each other, Lorelei. Though, they must certainly wish that I were anywhere else."

She cast a look back at Lorelei, and she sighed tiredly. "She… Aqua, the one with the blue hair, has a part in my past."

Lorelei nodded in understanding, and Kazuma smirked and stepped towards Tanya. "You don't want us to die?" he asked her. Tanya nodded slowly, and he grinned.

"Fine! I'd like a mansion and lots of money and some maids. I'll stay far away from adventuring-"

"I could also throw you in prison for attempted coercion, NEET," she said, cutting him off with a glare. He shut his mouth.

He glared back at her and poked her forehead repeatedly. "Hey, I died outside, which means that I am not a NEET! I even technically have a job now, so that phrase doesn't apply to-"

He felt his hand suddenly stop jabbing her in the head, and he looked down at his hand. It was being gripped by her friend, Viktoriya Ivanovna Serebryakov. He looked towards her…

"I'd stop that if you want to keep your hand. Of course, we could also see how far Heal functions."

She bent his hand back, and he began to call out uncle. She didn't care. "We don't know if it works to restore limbs, after all."

-OxOxO-

One last time, Megumin readjusted her hat and her cloak. She needed to make a grand entrance if she wanted to one-up this copycat.

Because that was what she was. Degurechaff might not know the actual ultimate spell, Explosion, but she had shamelessly ripped her off.

How else could it be that everyone compared them?

Thanks to her, she hadn't been able to get a good party for three weeks, though the one she headed now was pretty good.

In that time, she had been compared, time after time, to a different Explosion-obsessed loli. She had been insulted, under the breaths of everyone, for not being able to do anything after using Explosion.

Then, Megumin had met the copycat, and she had been unlike anything she could have prepared for.

She wasn't dressed expensively like a noble, she spoke with a generally neutral accent – kind of like Kazuma, actually – and she wasn't dressed as a proper Mage either. She even dared to use blades and buffing magic that no true Mage would ever be able to wield.

She obviously had some sort of odd niche job, though her proficiency in various, completely different areas suggested that she was using items and not skills for something.

She'd also met her in their battle against Hoost, where she'd been completely dismissive of her Explosion spell.

The Governor had demonstrated some odd skills and spells – the ones they used against Hoost, that did physical damage were interesting, as were her smaller explosions – but Megumin didn't really care. She wanted to know where she'd seen something more impressive than her Explosion, to be so easily dismissive of her spell.

Could she cause that kind of explosion, or had she run into the big-breasted, mysterious woman like Megumin had? Did she know where that original provider of the ultimate spell was?

She shook her head. Well, right now, she was going to be compensated for her defeats. She had been forced to use some of Cecily's money to pay back the guild, and the girl wasn't even a proper Mage.

This would be a cakewalk, especially since she'd been following them since they had passed by her while being chased by a swarm of Crows.

She threw open the door, and she took in the scene in front of her.

She blinked. "Wait, Kazuma? Aqua? What are you doing here?"

Indeed, Kazuma and Aqua were sitting quietly at a table and sulking while a beastman leaned against a nearby wall. The Governor and… someone else whose back was to her were talking to the owner of the shop…

Her eyebrows rose as she recognized the owner. "Oh, you're Wiz right?"

She walked out from behind the other two and smiled. "Ah, Megumin. Are you here to join your friends, or do you want an item?"

Megumin continued to look at the Lich. There was something about her that seemed familiar…

She shook her head and then glared at the back of her target's head. "No, I'm here for a different reason."

She walked forward, ignoring the tables filled with odd looking items, and managed to brandish her staff and swirl her cloak around her. "I am Megumin, the top Crimson Demon and wielder of the most destructive magic in all the world! I am here to challenge Tanya von Degurechaff!"

Everyone in the room glanced towards Megumin, including her target. Megumin scowled at the annoyed look on her face.

She seemed uninterested, and Megumin's anger began to flare. She got a good look at the person next to her.

Her eyes widened. "Ah… it's you…"

Degurechaff looked at the girl at her side. "You know her Viktoriya?"

She blinked, tapping a finger against her cheek, and then she let out a small exclamation of remembrance. "Right! I saved your friend from that pedophile, right? The police did have a warrant out for him, it turns out, and he's been thrown in jail for the rest of his life, however short that is thanks to the other prisoners."

The room was very quiet, for a moment, until Kazuma leaned towards Aqua. "Hey, I thought you said she was a stupid, naive girl who was only anything because of the loli. What gives? She's looking scarier than the pipsqueak."

As the aforementioned loli began to shoot Kazuma looks that could peel the skin off of a Giant Toad, Megumin licked her lips nervously. The taller girl was… scary, to say the least.

She'd seemed ready to kill that guy, and if she was friends with Degurechaff…

The blonde shook her head and looked towards her friend inquisitively. "You… you helped her? And she tried to blow you and Hoost up?"

She tilted her head, but Megumin felt the staff in her hands begin to shake a little. That had been her?

Degurechaff rounded on her, furious. "You better be here to apologize for that."

She gulped nervously. "B- But… if I had taken out Hoost, wouldn't it have been worth it?"

She shook her head. "No. I should have thrown your stupid cat to him instead of going along with that plan to fight him. It would have been safer for everyone involved, and it would have cost a single mangy fleabag."

Ignoring Kazuma's questions – "You have a cat? And who's Hoost?" – Megumin glared at her, for a second, before looking past her and at… Viktoriya, Degurehaff had called her. "I'm sorry for not looking out for you. You would have been killed in the blast of my awesome Explosion.""Hey, she doesn't sound that sorry."

Megumin rounded on the Adventurer of her party. "Hey, don't talk! Shouldn't you be supporting me?"

He and Aqua immediately shook their heads. "Not a chance. I'd rather fight this 'Hoost' person you keep talking about," Kazuma said in a completely flat voice.

"Yeah, trying to take on the Devil of the Rhine seems like a really fast way to commit suicide," Aqua added.

Megumin glared at them and then rounded on the small girl. "Well, I don't need their help to take you on."

She smirked. "Yes, it would be incorrect of me to beat you using help, since you're…"

She paused, and brought a hand up to her face to cover the side with the eyepatch and smiled at her. "…My rival!"

"Chuunibyou," Tanya and Kazuma said in unison. They gave each other a quick glance, until Megumin gave up on her pretenses and stomped her feet.

"Shut up!" she shouted. Tanya rolled her eyes.

Even if Megumin was… wait, was she even an adult yet, by the standards of any of Tanya's worlds?

She shook her head. It didn't really matter. She was immature, and Tanya might ordinarily accept that and ignore her, but she also had the power to destroy an easily measurable portion of the town.

Now, Lorelei spoke up. "Hey, if you're going to fight, can you wait for Tanya to build a fighting ring in the guild or something?"

Tanya glanced at Lorelei curiously, before considering the idea. It might be a good idea to get something else in Axel for entertainment, so that the adventurers wouldn't just cause havoc and pour their money into alcohol and gambling and committing exceedingly petty crimes.

Megumin hurriedly shook her head. "W- While I haven't yet used my Explosion spell – which would definitely blow you away – travelling somewhere away from town to use it would be a problem-"

Tanya cut her off with a glare. "Like you care? You've used that spell several times in the past few days close to Axel, most notably to beat Hoost. You even tried to use it next to the gate of Axel to beat those Cabbages, which would have caused massive property damage to the windows of every building in the vicinity. Do I need to level another fine on you?" she asked rhetorically.

She rapidly shook her head, and Tanya sighed, shaking her head. "Whatever. I don't really want to fight anyway."

Megumin smirked. "Good! An Archmage as pathetic as you couldn't ever beat me! I mean, look at your weapons."

She pointed at Viktoriya's staff and the pistol strapped to her waist. Tanya raised an eyebrow, and Megumin continued her rant. "Those things don't look like they have a single piece of good wood. How effective can your spells be if your not using a staff made from a mana-imbued tree?"

Tanya raised an eyebrow. "Did any of the spells that you saw me use seem weak?"

Megumin rolled her eyes. "No, but they obviously could have been better. Speaking of which…"

She pointed at Viktoriya's staff again. "You have a blade strapped to your weapons? What kind of Archmage does that, besides a bad one?"

Tanya still didn't react outwardly, besides a small frown. The Crimson Demon seemed to swell with pride at getting that much out of her, but Tanya was more amused than anything.

Firstly, she'd heard worse from Being X. Secondly, if the girl was going to give her good advice on how to appear normal in this place, she would take it. Every little bit helped, after all.

"And what kind of Archmage teams up with another Archmage? I mean," she said, pointing directly at Viktoriya, "she's not even as good as you-"

Twitch

Tanya glared. "I am an Adventurer."

Megumin's speech was interrupted, and she blinked owlishly. "What?"

She nodded. "Yes. I am not an Archmage or Mage, or anything like that. I am an Adventurer."

Megumin looked back at Kazuma. Was it possible…?

He glared at Degurechaff. "Hey, she's a flagrant cheater. She has guns and stuff – which totally ruins the already tattered fantasy vibe of this place, by the way – who probably watched Dr. Stone fifty times to memorize all the stuff he made 'just in case.'"

Tanya blinked in confusion, trying to decipher what he had said – just what in the world was he talking about? – until she just rolled her eyes at him and the Crimson Demon. "Oh well. At least I don't have to rely on a one-shot Mage to do all the heavy lifting."

Megumin felt her glare intensify, and she thought back to her mental list of things she could insult her about, should the situation arise.

Megumin glared at her. "At least our Adventurer has good Luck. You got attacked by Crows and Cabbages repeatedly. What kind of bad Luck do you have that they'd try such a thing instead of giving up?"

Tanya raised an eyebrow, taking a step towards the Archmage. "What, did you spend part of your day stalking us? Do you really have nothing better to do?"

She felt her face heat up. "As… as my rival in becoming the Best Explosion Mage, it's expected that I'd figure out what some of your weaknesses are."

There was a pause, as Tanya digested that tidbit. She raised an eyebrow, and she scoffed. "So, this is really about that title?" she asked.

Megumin nodded slowly, and Tanya shrugged.

"Okay. You're the 'best mage of explosions,' or whatever. I don't care."

Megumin blinked owlishly at Tanya, who turned around towards the counter. "Since you don't have a truth-telling device like the Police do, Wiz, would you please tell me how much these Magic Canceler scrolls are? I want to get out of here."

Megumin stepped around the tables arranged around Wiz's shop to come up behind Degurechaff. She reached out a hand-

She was forced to stop by the woman at her side, who was glaring at her now. "I wouldn't do that if I were you, Megumin," Kazuma called out. She tried to take her hand back, and the woman let her go.

She didn't back away, though. "You can't just… give up! Where's your sense of coolness?"

Tanya blinked. What?

She continued on, taking another step towards Tanya. "You can't just 'give up' a title as awesome as that one! As Archmages, we're supposed to fight for it, compete with each other, and drive each other to new heights of power attempting to claim the title! We're-"

"I am not from your village, and I already have far too many titles," Tanya spat out. Megumin simply raised an eyebrow.

"How many titles could a jumped-up twelve-year-old daughter of a noble have? You're not even older than I am."

Tanya heard Aqua whimper and Lorelei groan, but she didn't spare them a glance. Instead, she stared into Megumin's eyes and began to pace forward.

"I am six- actually, I'm seventeen, now, even if I haven't celebrated my seventeenth yet."

Megumin blinked, and then she stared Tanya up and down. She tried, for a moment, to say that at least she wasn't as flat as Megumin was…

But…

She wasn't as flat as Megumin, true.

She was flatter.

Tanya took another step towards her, and Megumin's appraisal finished. She tried, once again, to think back to the teachings of her village.

While this girl wasn't from her village, she must still think that titles were good to have. You only got those by doing incredible things…

Megumin tilted her nose up at Tanya. "Oh yeah? What are your titles then? I bet none of them are even half as cool as 'Best Explosion Mage.'"

Tanya raised an eyebrow, and then she rolled her eyes. "Do you want a full list, or just the first ten?"

Megumin blinked. Ten? How could a seventeen-year-old have that many titles, especially since she was just an Adventurer?

Tanya sighed. "Fine, I'll give you as many as I can remember."

"White Silver, Argent, and… Mithril," she bit out, "are all variations of my first title. After that…" she trailed off and took a deep breath.

"Ace of Aces, The Desert Geranium, The Savior of Tiegenhoff, The Salamander's Flame, The Seer, The Lucky Queen, The First Mage around the World, Tranquility Destroyer, Banisher of Amalgamations, as well as all of the official ranks I was awarded throughout the war, from Second Lieutenant all the way up to Major General, were the ones I wore proudly."

She cracked her knuckles and began to advance on the girl, who seemed entirely too dumbstruck. She backed up, into a wall, but she couldn't hide from Tanya's furious gaze.

"Rusted Silver, Mad Dog, Devil of the Rhine, Butcher of Arene, Flying Death, The Bane of the Bloody Valkyrie, the Blacker Death, the best soldier to have ever been born, and The Atheist were the ones that I would rather not have gained."

She was now staring into Megumin's eyes, having advanced on her with every name. "The moment you learn that titles are born out of fear and awe instead of some silly desire for fame, the better."

She expected many things, at that moment.

She expected that Megumin's expression, frozen into panic, would shift into fear as she sank down to the ground, or that she would nod quietly while not making eye contact. She expected Wiz to say something about her scrolls being done to distract her, or for either Lorelei or Viktoriya to ask her to stop.

She didn't expect Megumin's friends to try and help her. They both knew, at least vaguely, what the cost of that interaction would be. They did not break her expectations.

Megumin did.

"That was… so cool and intimidating! You have to teach me how to do that thing where everyone backs away in fear. It felt as if the spirit of an ancient Demon was backing you up!"

Megumin's face shifting from panic to pure, unadulterated awe was not what she expected.

Kazuma looked at them from where he was sitting, casting an appraising eye at Tanya's dominant position over an awestruck Megumin. Tanya glared at him, and he opened his mouth.

That he could speak at all was somewhat unexpected, but…

"Trap on loli porn… I haven't-"

CRUNCH

Tanya sent her fist into his face and sent him tumbling into a corner of the room. She backed away from Megumin and turned to Wiz. "Please, would you just let me pay for my-"

But Wiz didn't. "I know! We can settle this quite easily!"

She ran to one of the shelves while Tanya contemplated just… inventing cell phones. Or maybe Amazon.

How hard would it be, and wouldn't it be so worth it to not have to interact with people she would really rather not see, let alone talk to?

Wiz went over to one of the shelves. Said shelves were somewhat dusty, compared to the tables in the center of the room. "Thanks to all of the business Tanya's products provide, and all the money she spends here, I was able to buy this item early!"

She gestured towards an orb that Tanya thought looked vaguely familiar. "This is the Friendship Crystal! Only skilled magic users can use it effectively."

Tanya shrugged noncommittally. "I don't see the reason to make friends."

Lorelei raised an eyebrow in the corner, and Tanya rolled her eyes in amusement as she caught the movement out of the corner of her eye. She then focused them on the small girl. "With her."

She turned to the other three in the shop. "I think I dislike you on principle, and I'd actually be lobotomized if I ever enjoyed your company," she spat at Aqua. She pouted, and Tanya didn't really understand why, because she should probably dislike Tanya too.

She pointed at Kazuma. "You can't possibly be that bad, and you might be bearable if you ever add the word subtly to your dictionary and learn even an ounce of civility." She didn't even wait for the NEET's response, but she was sure he was probably glaring.

She turned to Megumin, and then she shrugged. "You don't seem dumb, even if you are… free-spirited, but I try not to associate with career criminals."

Megumin crossed her arms and smirked. "Well, I guess I'm the better Mage, then."

Tanya raised an eyebrow. Some title about being better at blowing stuff up was just… inconsequential, but a flat-out, better-at-manipulating-mana Mage?

Tanya sighed. She would probably regret encouraging her, but maybe she'd get out of here faster if she humored the girl. "Better Mage? I don't know about that."

Megumin opened an eye, and Lorelei sighed in the corner. "Yes. I am a better Archmage than you are, considering you haven't even taken the class-"

"She's twice the mage you'll ever be!" Viktoriya interjected. Tanya gave her an appreciative smile, and then she stepped towards the 'crystal'. "I am better than you at being a mage, and I don't need some silly crystal to prove it. Yunyun, at least, knew more than a single, widely telegraphed, inefficient spell, and she came to me for help. Ergo-"

Megumin raised an eyebrow. "Ah, so you've lost your nerve?"

Twitch.

Tanya scowled as everyone's gaze was drawn to her head. Even hats didn't stop her stupid ahoge from responding, and it might even be more noticeable when it moved her entire hat.

Tanya gave the shiny rock a blank stare and sighed. She wouldn't drop it, and she had no desire to put up with her all the way back to Alderp's mansion. "So, what, how does it work?"

Wiz smiled, and looked to everyone else. Lorelei was just shaking her head, while Viktoriya was scowling at Megumin. Aqua seemed to be using Heal on Kazuma after Tanya punched his face.

"Ah, could you all clear a bit of space?" she asked. They all did begin to clear the four tables stacked high with Tanya's merchandise that dominated the floor of the room, while Tanya inspected the rock with an Observation spell.

It seemed… odd. Almost like a spell given physical form, in how it seemed to only desire mana. In that way, it also seemed to resemble the Computation Jewels that she had imported to this world.

She shook her head as Wiz brought a pedestal out from behind her desk and set the thing on a padded cushion.

Tanya shook her head. "We're wasting our time here. I can use more than one spell, which automatically makes me a better Mage."

Megumin scoffed, held up a hand to her face, and struck a triumphant pose. She opened her mouth, and-

"It is not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean!"

Kazuma spat out post-nose-breaking tea, while Tanya had to take care not to let her jaw hang from her head.

They both stared at her, and Megumin shrugged. "It's an ancient Crimson Demon proverb about the ability of an Archmage being more important than the number of spells they know. Like: 'It's not about who has the bigger arsenal, but who can use what they have most effectively.'"

Tanya shook her head while Kazuma muttered something under his breath to Aqua, but then she remembered something. Wiz had said that Crimson Demons were good at crafting, right?

She smirked. "Well, if you promise to help me make a few powerful magical items, I'll allow you to try and take me on."

Megumin scoffed. "Only if you win… but fine."

Megumin would just point her towards her father as revenge, if she did lose.

But she wouldn't!

Megumin said nothing, for a moment, but then she flicked her cape and said, "I'll demonstrate for you the power of an actual Archmage!"

Tanya just rolled her eyes and held up her hand, ready to-

"Come on! Where's your witty retort!? You have to have a witty retort set up when you're facing enemies!" she shouted at her, dropping a hand.

Tanya shook her head and facepalmed. "I guess people here still think that war is glorious or something? Your village might have the leisure to do that, but talking to your opponents is a good way to watch your comrades die."

She held up her hand, and Megumin shrugged and grudgingly did the same. "Eh. I guess that's good enough…"

The girl across from her began to shout, and Tanya watched as the ball in front of them began to give off an eerie purple light.

Megumin cast her gaze up, for a moment, but she continued to shout dramatically. Tanya just shook her head at the act. Honestly, what was the point in wasting your breath like that?

Still, she poured in mana. It was a moderate drain, something she might have to use for an Artillery Shot, but-

"So, you can keep up with this, even though you aren't a Crimson Demon? Excellent!"

She began to shout louder, and Tanya poured in more mana, mirroring Megumin. Alright, this was starting to get a bit draining, but, in theory, this was nothing more than-

"Alright! You've forced me to go even farther! I'll pour everything I have into this, to prove that I am better!"

Tanya rolled her eyes and began to sweat. She grit her teeth and brandished a second arm in front of the crystal. She'd only lost this much when she had to break out the Circlet and during the times she couldn't remember her usage of the Type 95, so this was really getting to be a bit extreme. Could this thing even take this much?

Megumin seemed to be gritting her teeth, and the others seemed to be growing concerned. Megumin finally shouted, "Now, crystal, demonstrate your power!"

Ominous purple-black lines of power began to sprout from the orb, and a great wave of illusionary images washed past her. She cast a look around, even as the thing – which now resembled a fucking black hole, with an event horizon and everything – continued to absorb her power.

White… screens, like with the higher power versions of her Observation spell, burst into being all around them. A handful, then dozens, and then well over a hundred of them formed around them. The other five of them began to look at each of them.

Wiz made idle commentary as Tanya began to look around. The Friendship Crystal was no longer taking their mana, but this was incredibly… foreboding…

"What is… this?!" Kazuma shouted. She looked, and one of the screens – probably the one he was staring at began to enlarge until it forced all of the smaller screens to the side. Tanya blinked in astonishment.

It was… like a television. A younger – and hardly any smaller – Megumin was tiptoeing through a house. She crouched down in front of a basket, and…

Tanya's inquisitive stare flattened. Megumin was stuffing bread crusts into a suspiciously nondescript burlap sack, munching down on a few occasionally.

As the screen began to recede, Kazuma said something summarizing the scene, while Megumin-

"Aaaaaaaayyyyyyyy."

Tanya shook her head. So, what, did it show their memories? Tanya might have… quite a few she didn't exactly want people to see, but…

"Wait a minute…" muttered Aqua. Tanya turned her head to see her staring at a different one. The screen began to enlarge again, and-

"Ah… well, I suppose that someone should explain this to you…" came a grainy recreation of the 203rd's medic's wonderful voice.

Tanya's eyebrows furrowed. When had she ever-

"Tanya, since this is your… first period…"

Memory-Medic cleared her throat as she blushed. The memory-Tanya also blushed, and actual-Tanya felt her face begin to burn as if on fire.

Oh no.

"Your uterus discharges menses and blood around every month…"

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" actual-Tanya shouted. Kazuma, Aqua, and Megumin were also shouting at the image, while Wiz, Lorelei, and Viktoriya just blushed.

Tanya rounded on Wiz, even as another screen widened to show Megumin stealing food and being praised by another, smaller child. "Wiz, what the fucking hell is this?! This isn't fucking friendship!"

Another of her screens began to enlarge…

Oh no.

It was a hot spring. Specifically, the hot spring in Bidin-Budin, where the men had a bit too much alcohol and-

"Ah, ignore them, Viktoriya. We'll just stick over here, where no one else is."

The image of Viktoriya nodded, and Tanya watched as her mirror image blushed and stared quite obviously at the memory-Viktoriya's ass. Tanya's face began to really heat up when memory-Tanya licked her lips.

Wiz. "Ah…"

Kazuma. "OH HO!"

Aqua. "Breast-padder!"

Viktoriya. "…Tanya…"

Megumin. "…Damn you, father…"

Lorelei. "Oh COME ON-"

She didn't dare look at anyone other than Wiz for fear of bursting into flame. "Explain. Now."

She felt her eyes flick towards a heavily blushing Viktoriya, even as Tanya's memory self blushed and looked away. She would apologize for this travesty later.

And she'd give them all amnesia.

Probably.

If she hit them all hard enough, anything was possible, right?

"WIZ!" she shouted. The Lich looked away from the screen as Tanya walked away from the stupid orb. Unfortunately, the place didn't collapse around them. It seemed to be self-sustaining.

Wiz touched the tips of her hands together nervously as another memory of Megumin's – lying in bed while Yunyun spoke to her not-sleeping form – played behind Tanya.

"Uhm… This is a highly valued item that deepens feelings of friendship and love by exposing past embarrassments, actually…" she trailed off.

Tanya was glaring at her and trying to resist the urge to kill either her or herself. "Why wouldn't you tell us that first, you stupid, airheaded-"

Another of her own memories began to widen. "Lieutenant Colonel, this is…"

Tanya's eyes dilated as she recognized the voice of Grantz.

Departed, torn-to-pieces above the Russy Federation Grantz. "Bu…"

"I… damn it, we aren't responsible for the orders of our superiors," memory-Tanya shouted to the rest of the flying 203rd.

The rest of the Salamander Kampfgruppe was below them, fighting doggedly against a Russy force.

"But… Lieutenant Colonel… this is… against International Law," came the voice of Weiss over their Communication spell.

Tanya watched as memory-Tanya grit her teeth and continued to fire down at the hordes. Finally, she could offer no clever solution or workaround for this one.

Memory-Tanya shouted gutturally into the open sky.

That had been the first time she had completely lost control of her anger in front of her troops. "Just do it! If we do end up in court, our superiors in the General Staff will be blamed. Barring that…"

Her image grimaced. "I promise, I'll take the bullet, if they can't be blamed. Follow orders. Just like Arenne…"

The excuses were weak, but her promise was worth more than its weight in gold. As one, those near her frowned, but they were good soldiers, and good soldiers followed orders. "Chemical Conversion spells prepared, Lieutenant Colonel."

Tanya turned away and glared at Wiz. She knew the answer, but…

"And if we there aren't many feelings to deepen, Wiz?"

Wiz turned away from the screen, staring at Tanya. No one even watched as Megumin caught cicadas to eat. "Then… it'll show memories of deeper embarrassment in order to create them…"

Tanya grimaced. 'Deeper Embarrassment' was a nice, flowery shield for what was really going on.

Shame.

Humiliation.

Degradation.

She blinked as another one came to the front.

Degradation…

She made a mad dash for that stupid orb, to try and destroy it, now, but-

"Tanya von Degurechaff…"

Oh.

Oh no.

She was frozen. She couldn't move as the screen expanded before her. She felt cold, like her blood and mana weren't with her anymore-

"You are mine! You belong only to me, and, for your last hours of life, I am your master!"

She collapsed. It-

She shook her head. "No please not again never again please…"

But it didn't stop it wouldn't stop he wouldn't stop she couldn't stop him it was out of her control she had nothing she was just a speck and she was going to die and be raped and no one saved her and oh why why why why why-

"Oh holy lord in heaven, please, deliver me from hardship and allow me to meet you!"

She was in a ball and he was still shouting at her, screaming her name, and the damn prayers were everywhere and-

"Allow these foolish men to pass quickly from this world, and deliver them to your holy kingdom. It is a beautiful place where they can rest and I cannot."

"Help me! Don't let these pitiful, godless heathens escape."

"Please! Please! I'll do anything! Just please, save me!"

She glared at the ground and at her hands – her shaking, useless hands that she couldn't do anything with.

She couldn't escape or fight or live or survive she would die alone and in a bedchamber of a monster and-

"You cannot escape me! You cannot escape me! You cannot escape me!"

CRASH!

Like a TV screen, the entire room around the fizzled out of existence. Viktoriya was standing next to a broken orb, while everyone else was staring at her, seemingly shocked.

She didn't much care.

Viktoriya took a knee and picked Tanya up in her arms, glaring at all of them, considering. She took a deep breath.

"It goes without saying that speaking of anything you just saw, to anyone, will result in punishment. I don't think I have to be the one to stereotypically inform you all that death is much better than a number of things, but I will anyway."

They all nodded as one. She glared at Wiz. "If you ever bring another one of those things into town, Aqua will exorcise you."

Aqua stepped out of line. "What? But I don't-"

Viktoriya glared at her, and Aqua wisely shut the hell up. Viktoriya looked at Lorelei.

She flinched back, and Viktoriya sighed defeatedly. "Just… be back soon. Please."

Viktoriya strode towards the door, opened it, and sighed. She looked down at the nearly catatonic form of Tanya von Degurechaff. "She needs all the friends she can get."

Lorelei nodded, and Viktoriya was gone, a Flight spell on her lips and an image of their mansion in her mind.

-OxOxO-

A/N 1: Tanya has a bit of a realization that she's not fine, we finally get the meeting, hyginks ensue, and, of course…

Here we are. After over 35 chapters, we're finally getting the full story of 'what the hell happened to Tanya?' Sorry for yet another cliffhanger, but if I don't cut it here, there's too much going on between the resolution of their earlier altercation, the meeting, and… that.

Things will be… different than the very well-written 'Hostage' by TheVideoGamer – look it up, check it out. In that, the Empire is defeated and the dickbag comes to steal away his prize, while the Federation is collapsing in this one.

Tanya will reveal some stuff to her friends, and things between Tanya and Viktoriya will become closer. They're really just looking for one last push, but I don't think that will be for a little bit. Probably.

Anyway, what did you think? I'm trying my best with these scenes, so getting a bit of feedback would be nice.

Regardless, I hope you enjoyed the happier sections of this piece – Kazuma and Tanya finally meeting, a faster introduction between Kazuma and Wiz due to fear of Tanya, a bit of banter and such.

A/N 2: Speaking of feedback, I have a confession to make:

I, uh… could use a bit of help writing relationships. I don't exactly have anything in my own life to base it off of, so I have been guessing and using other things I've read as examples.

That said, if anyone has any recommendations for good examples of literary relationships or how to write them, I'll probably take a look at them.

A/N 3: And wow! A lot of you seemed to think that Lolisa would be kicking the bucket. All I can say for those of you that thought that she talked to much should realize that Johanna of Berun – and I'm sorry if there's a better name I should have used – is a melodramatic bitch, just like Being X.

A/N 4: Oh, and I also utilize the Friendship Crystal that was in the anime and not in the Light Novel. Obviously it was in the anime to speed up how much they knew about each other with the limited runtime of an anime in mind, but I actually thought the idea was pretty good.