Fun Fact: My Forensics teacher put on Murder on the Orient Express during class once. Also, Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
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The Doctor was the first person to open the door. Donna and Marion were very close behind him and Agatha just behind them. The first thing that Marion noticed was that there was a body on the floor. A dead body. A dead body belonging to a person that she didn't even know to warn about their deaths. She didn't even fully remember who the killer was other than the fact that he had the ability to turn into a wasp.
Useful, but not enough to do much of anything. She would just have to make sure no one else died.
"Oh my goodness!" Greeves exclaimed.
The Doctor crouched down in front of the body and took a pair of glasses out of his pocket. Marion looked away and around the rest of the room. She hoped that people would think that she was looking for clues and not simply avoiding looking at the body.
She realized that looking through the paper on the desk would allow her to face in the opposite direction of the corpse and quickly did that.
"Bashed on the head," The Doctor remarked, "Blunt instrument. Watch broke as he fell. Time of death was quarter past four,"
"A bit of pipe," Donna called from where she was crouched near the body, "Call me Hercules Poirot, but I reckon that's blunt enough,"
Marion moved to the side so that the Doctor could see the papers that she was looking through. Somewhere behind her, Marion could hear someone rummaging through ashes. The Doctor had clearly heard it as well. He briefly glanced in that direction, before continuing to look through the papers.
"Nothing worth killing for in that lot," The Doctor proclaimed, setting the few papers in his hand down, "Dry as dust," The Doctor picked up another book from the desk and started to flip through it quickly before picking up another one.
"Hold on," Donna stood up "The Body In The Library? I mean, Professor Peach, in the library, with the lead piping?"
"Let me see!"
"Out of my way!"
"Gerald?"
"Saints preserve us!"
"Oh, how awful!"
Agatha stood up.
"Someone should call the police,"
"You don't have to," The Doctor said. He flashed his psychic paper around the room and put it back in his pocket. "Chief Inspector Smith from Scotland Yard, known as the Doctor. Miss Noble and Miss Henson are the plucky young girls who help me out,"
"I say," Lady Eddison said in disbelief.
"Mrs. Christie was right. Go into the sitting room. I will question each of you in turn."
Agatha Christie stepped nodded and quickly exited the library, beckoning everyone to follow her.
"Come along. Do as the Doctor says. Leave the room undisturbed,"
She left the room. As soon as she did, Donna turned to the Doctor indignant!
"The plucky young girls who help me out?"
The Doctor crouched down and examined the floor
"No policewomen in 1926," the Doctor replied.
"Or at least no policewomen that weren't exclusively assigned to cases that didn't involve women and children. I'm just hoping that no one thinks to ask why a woman who is clearly American is working with British Law Enforcement,"
"Eh," the Doctor replied, "It'll probably be fine,"
"Why don't we phone the real police?" Donna asked.
"That might add a bunch of unforeseen variables. The reason that the killer killed Peach was that the Professor came too close to knowing who he was,".
"And the last thing we want is PC Plod sticking his nose in," he scraped something sticky off the ground with a pick, "especially now I've found this. Morphic residue,"
"Morphic?" Donna asked, "Doesn't sound very 1926."
"It's left behind when certain species genetically re-encode,"
"The murderer's an alien?"
"Which means one of that lot is an alien in human form," Marion confirmed.
"Do you know who it is, Marion," The Doctor asked.
Marion closed her eyes and winced. "If you got me a list of people who are here, I could absolutely cross some people out. Probably. But I...I don't remember exactly who it was. If I knew that Omega Timeline knowledge was going to be important as it was later in life, I would've taken notes or at least spent more time on it," Marion clapped her hands, "I do know what its alien form looks like if that helps,"
"And what does it look like?"
"A giant wasp,"
"When you say giant wasp," The Doctor asked, "What do you mean?"
"I mean a wasp the size of a grown man,"
"How can a wasp get that big!"
"It's not really a wasp Donna," Marion explained, "Just an alien that looks a whole lot like one,"
"This is all mad. All of it. I mean think about it," Donna breathed. "There's a murder, a mystery, an alien, and Agatha Christie,"
"So?" The Doctor shook his head, "Happens to us all the time,"
The Doctor held the residue-covered pick to Marion's nose. It smelled sharp.
"No, but isn't that a bit weird?" Donna continues, "Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders. Not really. I mean, that's like meeting Charles Dickens and he's surrounded by ghosts at Christmas,"
"Or Shakespeare surrounded by witches. It happens sometimes..." Marion trailed off and noticed the Doctor sticking out his tongue to the sample. Marion poked him.
"Just use the Sonic. You have it for a reason!"
The Doctor stopped midway, looked Marion in the eye, and then licked the residue.
Marion sighed.
"Oh, come on! It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy. Could we? Noddy's not real. Is he? Tell me there's no Noddy,"
"There's no Noddy,"
The Doctor quickly left the library.
"Of course," Marion trailed off, following close behind him. "There IS the Land of Fiction. Who knows,"
"The Land of What?"
Marion was already leaving the room.
"The Land of What!"
Donna quickly followed Marion out of the room. "Next thing you know, you'll be telling me it's like Murder On The Orient Express, and they all did it,"
"Murder on the Orient Express?"
Marion jumped. She had not expected Agatha to be standing still in a doorway.
"Murder on the Orient Express?"
"Ooo, yeah. One of your best," Donna replied.
"But not yet!" Marion said, poking Donna. "She's only written six books so far. Out of over 70," she whispered.
"Marvellous idea, though," Agatha thought aloud.
"Yeah. Tell you what. Copyright Donna Noble, okay?"
"Donna! You can't just-,"
"Anyway. Agatha and I will question the suspects. Donna, Marion, you search the bedrooms. Look for clues," He lowered his voice, "Any more residues?" He started speaking up again. "Marion, do you have a magnifying glass?"
"Not to my knowledge I don't,"
"Ah," the Doctor reached into his coat and pulled a large magnifying glass. "Here, you take this," He handed the glass to Marion who then handed it to Donna.
"Is that for real?" Donna asked.
"Go on," The Doctor said with a grin, "You're ever so plucky,"
"Let's take the stairs,"
Marion could hear the Doctor and Christie talking behind them.
"Right then. Solving a murder mystery with Agatha Christie. Brilliant,"
"Try not to sound so excited about a murder Doctor!" Marion called down behind her.
"You know," Marion told Donna as they walked down the hall and past some bedrooms. "He's probably just thrilled to not be suspect number one this time. Do you want to take a left or a right,"
"Left. And what do you mean suspect number one!"
"When he was younger, for some reason, every time he landed somewhere and there was a crime afoot, he was always the first person everyone pointed the finger at. It was ridiculous. Something about his face. Doesn't happen as much anymore,"
"How much younger was the Doctor then?"
"Around seven hundred and fifty-ish. Now, any of these doors stand out to you?"
"Seven hundr-, you're joking!"
"Nope!"
"Well, how old is he now?"
"He says he's nine hundred and four. That doesn't completely add up mind you, but if he wants to say he's younger than he really is, I'm not going to be the one who calls him out on it. Time is weird. At a certain point, it stops mattering,"
"I'm sure," Donna replied, "Say, that door looks interesting, doesn't it?" She rapped her knuckles against the wood.
"You won't find anything in there," a voice sounded behind them.
"Christ!" Marion jumped. She hadn't even heard footsteps! "Don't scare us like that!"
"Apologises Miss,"
Donna jiggled the doorknob, "How come it's locked?"
"Lady Eddison commands it to be so,"
"And we're from Scotland Yard. Open the door please!"
Greeves glared at them and slid a key from a large ring into the lock.
"Why's it locked in the first place?" Donna asked.
"Many years ago, when my father was butler to the family, Lady Eddison returned from India with malaria. She locked herself in this room for six months until she recovered. Since then, the room has remained undisturbed,"
It was a large old-fashioned children's room. Greeves didn't have to say that no one had been inside of it in years. No room that had been used in any capacity in the past few decades would have THAT many cobwebs unless something spider-related had gone horribly wrong.
Actually, Marion didn't want to think about that. Marion had already dealt with one freaky spider incident, and as far as she knew, she was only going to have to deal with one more. Two if you count the Racnoss.
Right now she only had to deal with a giant murder wasp.
As much as Marion hated to admit it, she'd rather deal with the chemically hyped-up spiders. At least they weren't actively malicious.
"There's nothing in here!" Donna said!
'Nothing except a murderous wasp that just outside the window that is,'
"How long's it been empty?" Donna asked.
"Forty years,"
"Why would she seal it off? All right, we need to investigate. You just butle off,"
Greeves sighed and left. Donna closed the door behind him.
She walked forward towards a teddy bear resting against a cobwebby crib.
Marion heard the sound of buzzing and something banging against the window. Donna jumped. She heard it too.
Donna stepped towards the sound. Then she stopped.
"Marion is that…,"
"The giant murder wasp buzzing and slamming against the window? Yes!"
"I was afraid of that!"
"It's fine, It's fine." It wasn't. Marion took a deep breath. She ignored the way that the wasp pounded on it harder and harder. "Unfortunately, we do need to bait it,"
"What? Why?"
"Because I try to mess with variables as little as I can. Just, just pass me your magnifying glass alright,"
Donna put the magnifying glass in her hand.
"Good, good, now stand by the door alright?"
Warily, Marion turned to look at the window and its ruby red curtains. Marion reached out for them and flung them apart.
You know, there really was a difference between a 2008 CGI render of a wasp and an actual giant insect. Especially when it was-
"Christ!" Marion exclaimed.
The wasp slammed against the window. Marion backed up just in time to nearly avoid getting caught in a shower of glass. A shard sliced past her forearm. A thin line of red welled up and this disappeared. Donna screamed.
"Donna," Marion said quickly realizing that the other woman was frozen in place, "Donna get to the door, Donna,"
The wasp zoomed in between Donna and the way out.
Donna screamed.
"Ok," Marion took a deep breath, "Okay. Okay,"
Marion held up the magnifying glass to the light. A beam of sunlight shone through the glass, burning the insect and pinning it to the floor with what might've been a scream.
"Donna? Run for the door. I'll be right behind you alright!"
The woman looked at Marion for one moment, and then ran the few steps between her and the door. The second Donna was through, Marion lowered the magnifying glass and sprinted towards the door. She could hear the wasp buzzing right behind her. Donna opened the door the moment that she was close and then Marion shut it behind them as soon as she was through. Marion stepped away from the wall just as its stinger slammed all the way through right where her torso had been resting!
"DOCTOR!" Donna screamed.
Marion could hear the Doctor and Agatha running up the stairs as she handed the magnifying glass back to Donna.
"Huh!" Marion said, staring blankly at the stinger. It was as long as her forearm. "Imagine if I hadn't moved out of the way," Marion lightly tapped the side of the stinger with the back of her nail. "That would've skewered me…,"
As Agatha and the Doctor came closer, Marion spoke.
"So good news and bad news! The good news is that we found the giant murder wasp. The bad news is that we lost the giant murder wasp,"
"It's only a silly little insect," Agatha insisted. "You don't need to exaggerate so much,"
Marion pointed to the huge black stringer shoved through the door. "Mrs. Christie. If you live in an area where you REGULARLY see wasps with stingers this big, I HIGHLY recommend that you move immediately. That's not normal,"
"Let me see," The Doctor opened the door.
"It's gone," He said, looking around the room, "Buzzed off,"
"Watch for fallen glass," Marion reminded.
The Doctor looked out the window for the wasp and didn't see anything. He turned away.
Marion looked to see Agatha glancing towards the side of the stringer that had been previously connected to the Wasp.
"But that's fascinating," Agatha said under her breath.
Marion held out a hand to prevent her from touching it. "No, don't do that," Marion moved out of the Doctor's way. He took a pencil out of one of his inner suit pockets and a test tube out of another. He scooped up some of the residue from around the spine and scooped it into the test tube and sealed it shut.
"Giant wasp. Well, tons of amorphous insectivorous lifeforms, but none in this galactic vector,"
"I think I understood some of those words," Agatha said slowly, "Enough to know that you're completely potty,"
"It looks like it's come from a giant wasp. There are a whole lot of alien species that look like giant wasps or are able to turn into giant wasps, but none of them are anywhere near this galaxy,"
"You shouldn't enable him, Marion,"
"I'm enabling nothing, Mrs. Christie. I know what Donna and I saw, and it was a giant wasp. Unless you think I'm somehow capable of shattering a window from the outside, and it would have to be the outside because of all the glass on the floor, or that I somehow was keeping an oversized wasp sting replica in my bag, there's no way I'm making this up,"
"Lost its sting, though," Donna commented, "That makes it defenseless,"
"Donna, I have some awful news,"
"A creature this size?" the Doctor observed, "Got to be able to grow a new one,"
"Can we return to sanity?" Agatha said, putting her hand up, "There are no such things as giant wasps,"
Marion stood up from where she'd been crouching by the door. "Someone should do us all a favor and tell the wasp that. We ought to look it in its eyes and say 'I'm sorry. You are not real!' And then it will say 'Oh really? I hadn't thought of that!' And disintegrate,"
Marion looked out of the cracked window and down at the grounds. In the distance, Marion could see a smaller house that looked to be just as old as the rest of it, with a gravel path leading to the main house. Her eyes followed along the brick and up to the roof. There stood a large gargoyle. Why, if someone was walking along that path and someone pushed it then…
The lightbulb in her head flickered.
'Fuck!'
She pushed away from the window and past the Doctor.. "I'll be- I'll be right back!" Marion said, backing out of the room.
"Where are you going!"
"I just? I think I saw something! I'm going outside!"
Marion didn't answer any more than that. Even if they had asked follow-up questions, she quickly moved too far away for the questions to be heard or even answered.
Through the hall, down the stairs, past the foyer, and out onto the gravel path. No one was around to stop her. She ran as fast as she could along the gravel road. She could see the housekeeper exit the small kitchen or whatever that building was and walk along the path with her urgent message. She pushed herself faster to go faster. Her legs burned, and then they stopped burning.
It was a good thing that the dress was easy to run in, otherwise, she might have tripped over her skirts and gotten hurt. Marion thought she might've been a sight, barrelling forward recklessly. The housekeeper looked at her in confusion and then Marion and she both heard the grinding sound of stone against stone as the killer shoved it off the edge. The housekeeper looked up towards the noise in horror and screamed. She was cut off as Marion barreled into the woman and sent her to the ground with a thud. A second later, Marion felt a crash on the side of her head and then felt the ground come up to meet her face. Marion heard a scream.
In the show, the housekeeper had lived for about 30 or 40 seconds after she'd been hit. She had to have been alive just long enough to say "The poor little child," before she died. In other words, it hadn't been instant. Which meant that Marion got to experience the lovely sensation of her skull uncaving in without blacking out and entering the clock zone. Marion heard a shout from above her.
"Shh," Marion said, squeezing her eyes shut. "Do you mind? I've got a bit of a headache you know!"
Despite what she'd said, the pain in her head was fading faster and faster and the wet sensation that she knew by now was her own blood had receded as well. Marion stood up to her feet just as the Doctor, Donna, and Agatha ran out of the house. Marion rubbed the side of her head feeling as the bone pushed against her fingers and the headache finally disappeared.
"Marion what's happened,"
"Shh," Marion said once again. "Do you hear that?"
From just above them, near where the gargoyle had fallen from, Marion heard a loud buzzing noise.
"What do you-,"
Marion based on Agatha's horrified expression had found the giant wasp.
"There!" the Doctor shouted. The wasp's stinger had regrown. Instead of flying at them, however, it started to fly away from them instead of after them.
"You three after the wasp!" Marion told the Doctor. "We'll be right there in a second,"
Donna, the Doctor, and Agatha raced after the wasp while Marion stayed behind. She turned to the older woman.
"Sorry if you already said," Marion began, "But what's your name?"
"Chandrakala,"
"Ah!" Marion nodded. "Nice to meet you. Are you alright? I slammed into you kinda hard. You didn't bruise anything did you?"
"You were hit in the head by the statue,"
There was no question in Ms. Chandrakala's tone. And no real answer to Marion's question. She was looking Marion straight in her eyes.
So much for avoiding the topic at hand. She still tried.
"Ah. Yes. It just glanced off the side of my head. It didn't-,"
"Do you think that I am stupid! Do you think that I did not see the blood running down the side of your face or hear your skull break?"
"I was honestly hoping that you didn't. That sounds incredibly unpleasant. I'm sorry that you had to see and hear that,"
"You don't deny it?"
"Yes…," Marion trailed off. "I mean, no, I mean, you were the one that the murderer was aiming for. So I shoved you out of the way. And I got hit. But I'm fine. But you weren't going to be fine," She remembered something.
"Just because the killer didn't succeed this time, doesn't mean that it's impossible that he might try again. I...I think that it might be a good idea for you to leave. Not for too long, mind you," Marion clarified. "Just the rest of the day or so! If anyone asks, I am with Scotland Yard," Marion fished her psychic paper out of her back and flashed it, "So you shouldn't get into too much trouble from leaving. It's for your own safety. I promise that the rest of the staff can survive without you for the rest of the day!"
They would've had to if Marion had run just a little bit slower or not remembered or if she had simply decided not to bother to push Ms. Chandrakala away and let her die. She looked like she was about to speak again. Marion cut her off-
"I have no idea if the murderer is going to try again or how he would go about doing it even if he did. So if he tried again, I don't know what I could do or say to help you. I'm asking you to please for the love of God leave the property for a few hours,"
"How were you able to help this time,"
"What?"
"How did you know that someone was going to try to kill me? Did you hear something?"
"I-," Marion didn't know how to explain it to another person in a way that they would believe them. "I-I didn't? We saw the wasp thing in the unused children's room escape through the window. And I saw a shadow near the gargoyle. The gargoyle didn't look like it was anchored to the roof or anything. Are gargoyles normally anchored? I don't know. I went to investigate and I happened to see you walking on the path. I ran to let you know, and that's when the thing fell,"
Marion's story had some elements of the truth in the same way that a bottle of weirdly highlighter yellow bottled lemonade had some elements of real lemonade. And Marion was fairly certain that Ms. Chandrakala didn't 100% believe her. Or even 50%. But she did believe Marion enough to believe that she might legitimately be in danger. Shoving people out of the way of granite statutes ready to crack their skulls really did wonders for the amount of trust they were willing to have in you.
The woman sighed. "Alright. I did have some errands that I needed to run sooner than later. Would you please tell Lady Eddison that this might have something to do with what happened 40 years ago? She'll know what that means,"
"Oh," Marion blinked. "Certainly,"
Marion re-entered the house and followed the sound of people speaking to the sitting room. Practically everyone was crowded around the coffee table on sofas and chairs, with some people standing up. The second Marion walked into the room, the Doctor turned to face her and stood up.
"Marion? What happened? Where's Ms. Chandrakala,"
"I thought that it'd be best for her to be off property right now. You know, since someone tried to crush her to death with a gargoyle,"
Marion didn't look directly at any of them, but her eyes quickly scanned across the room.
"You took off in a flash Ms. Henson," Agatha said, "You didn't explain anything. You just ran off. Why did you think Ms. Chandrakala was in danger?"
"Oh. I-"
Everyone turned to look at her. Time to see if she could fool someone who wasn't still shaken from being the first to discover a body in the library and then proceed on only to nearly avoid getting bludgeoned to death by a falling statue.
"So. When Donna and I ran out of the room we shut the door behind us. But when you and the Doctor came to us, there was no one in the room. So that means that they would have had to leave through the window. That didn't sound too insane seeing as it was, you know, a giant wasp, so I thought to look out the window. I saw something that didn't quite look right on the roof. It looked like there was a shadow or something near a gargoyle? I thought that maybe that was where the killer was, so I wanted to hurry in case he moved or came down or tried to sneak down the wall or into another window or something. And it's a good thing that I did because when I came down to the path, I saw Ms. Chandrakala walking along the gravel path. I ran to let her know in case she knew anything or if she had ever seen anyone up on the roof before. That's when I heard a noise from up where I had seen the shadow. I glanced up and saw that someone was shoving it off the edge where Ms. Chandrakala was walking. So I kept running and shoved her to the side. I didn't know if the killer had been aiming for just anyone or specifically her so I told her to get off property for a bit,"
"Did you see anything else?"
"Nothing that you three didn't also see. You three heard her scream and you came outside to join us. Then the wasp buzzed down you guys ran after it while I talked to Ms. Chandrakala and then I came back here. She told me to tell Lady Eddison that she thought this might have something to do with what happened 40 years ago. Does that mean anything to you?"
"Nothing," Lady Eddison said far too quickly. "Mrs. Christie," Lady Eddison leaned forward to look Agatha in the eye, "you must have twigged something. You've written simply the best detective stories,"
"Tell us, what would Poirot do?" the Reverend said.
"Heaven's sake," The Colonel insisted, "Cards On The Table, woman. You should be helping us,"
"But, I'm merely a writer," Agatha insisted.
Robina turned to the side and leaned towards her.
"But surely you can crack it. These events, they're exactly like one of your plots,"
"That's what I've been saying," Donna added, "Agatha, that's got to mean something,"
"But what? I've no answers. None. I'm sorry, all of you. I'm truly sorry, but I've failed. If anyone can help us, then it's the Doctor, not me!"
The people in the room stopped looking at Agatha and started looking at the Doctor. Agatha silently excused herself and left the sitting room without looking at any of them.
Marion sighed, pinched her nose, and shut her eyes."You lot do realize that when you write a murder mystery, you start off by deciding who the killer is, who they killed, and why they killed and work backward," Marion's said slowly. "It doesn't work that way in real life. Just because she writes murders doesn't mean that she can automatically solve them. Don't get me wrong, Mrs. Christie is a genius writer, and I don't doubt that she's done a lot of research into her books. She probably knows a lot about what a particular poisoning would look like and stuff like that. But while I don't doubt that she COULD potentially solve a murder, it isn't fair to her for you to put the burden of solving this case on her. Especially when you've got some people here for whom solving crime is their job,"
Marion stood up. She and Donna both looked at each other and then stood up and followed after Agatha.
They found Agatha in the white gazebo near where the party had been set up. She was looking down at the ground. She looked sad.
"Do you know what I think?," Donna asked sitting down, "Those books of yours, one day they could turn them into films. They could be talking pictures,"
"Talking pictures?" Agatha said in confusion, "Pictures that talk? What do you mean?"
"Y'know," Marion said sitting on the other side of Agatha, "The cinema. Charlie Chaplin and all that. Movies but you don't have to read the speech. So that you can watch and listen at the same time. I bet it'd be a hit,"
"I appreciate you trying to be kind, but they're right," she sighed, "These murders are like my own creations. It's as though someone's mocking me, and I've had enough scorn for one lifetime,"
"Yeah," Donna nodded sympathetically, "Thing is, I had this bloke once. I was engaged. And I loved him, I really did. Turns out he was lying through his teeth. But do you know what? I moved on. I was lucky. I found the Doctor and Marion. It's changed my life. There's always someone else,"
Agatha sighed. "I see. Is my marriage the stuff of gossip now?"
"No, I just," Donna looked down, "Sorry,"
Agatha sighed and shook her head. "No matter. The stories are true. I found my husband with another woman. A younger, prettier woman. Isn't it always the way?"
"Well, mine was with a giant spider, but, same difference,"
"You talk such wonderful nonsense,"
Marion shrugged. "There is a simple fact of life and it's that some men simply do not have taste. You'll find someone who understands how talented you are someday. He was simply a loser who didn't realize he's married a literary genius,"
"Agatha, people love your books," Donna insisted, "They really do. They're going to be reading them for years to come,"
"And, in 100 years, there'll be more translations of your work out in the world than William Shakespeare's. You put a lot of time and effort into researching every little bit of every detail. You put so much time into all of it that I bet that someday, someone will use something that you wrote, apply it to the real world, and save someone's life,"
Agatha looked at Marion for a moment. "If only. Try as I might, it's hardly great literature. Now that's beyond me," She shook her head and sighed, "I'm afraid my books will be forgotten, like ephemera," She stopped talking as her eyes flickered over to something off in the grass. "Hello, what's that?" She got up off the gazebo bench and walked over to what she had seen, pointing. "Those flowerbeds were perfectly neat earlier. now some of the stalks are bent over," She crouched down in front of the flattened flowerbed and moved some stems aside. She revealed a small leather case about the size of a clutch. She picked it up and held it up to the light, examining it.
"There you go. Who'd ever notice that? You're brilliant,"
Marion carefully took the case in her hands and undid the latch. "Looks like lock picks and some other thief tools,". She closed the case again. "We ought to show the Doctor. I think he's in the sitting room,"
"Ooo," The Doctor observed. He opened the case and flipped through the different compartments. Some of them were things that Marion recognized; picks and such. But there were other tools in the box that Marion couldn't even begin to guess the purpose for unless you needed several thin metal things to break through a window. "Someone came here tooled up. The sort of stuff a thief would use,"
"Someone like the Unicorn perhaps,"
"The Unicorn and the Wasp?" the Doctor replied.
As he said that, a Greeves walked into the room carrying drinks on a plate.
"Very good, Greeves,"
Marion took a swig of her drink at the same time the Doctor took a big gulp of his.
Something felt off.
"How about the science stuff," Donna asked, "What did you find?"
The Doctor took a vial from inside of his coat. "Vespiform sting. Vespiforms have got hives in the Silfrax galaxy."
"Again, you talk like Edward Lear,"
"But for some reason," the Doctor continued as if she hadn't spoken, "this one's behaving like a character in one of your books,"
Marion took another sip of her drink. Her vision went blurry and she coughed. Marion looked down at the glass and frowned.
"Marion, are you alright?"
"I'm-" Marion coughed again. Her mouth tasted bitter. But not as bitter as the realization that she was a forgetful idiot who somehow managed to forget that the drinks were poisoned and now the Doctor had drunk gulps and gulps of tainted drink and what if they didn't have any ginger beer or walnuts or salty foods and now she was not the time for spiraling.
"None of you drink your drinks," she choked out, "Doctor, you need to get to the kitchen and drink some ginger beer immediately,"
"What? Are you-," the Doctor stopped talking. And froze. "Something's inhibiting my enzymes," Marion heard a shout and the Doctor all but doubled over. "Argh!,"
"What do we do? What do we do?"
Marion's vision blurred again. She pitched forward. "Ginger beer, Walnuts, Anchovies, a Shock," she forced out. She wasn't sure if she was talking loud enough to be heard.
Cyanide was supposed to be fast-acting right? She was human as far as she knew. Why wasn't she dead yet? The Doctor didn't die in moments because he was a Time Lord. She wasn't a Time Lord. If she was a Time Lord, she would have absolutely found out by now between the shattered skull, asphyxiation, and whatever the fuck the Cyberbeam was made of. So why hadn't the poison done its thing yet?
Marion saw movement out of the corner of her eye and saw a hand grab her drink, hold it up and then grab the Doctor's cup.
"Bitter almonds," the voice said in horror, "It's cyanide. Sparkling Cyanide. Both glasses,"
"I know-," Marion said. She held off another wave of dizziness and felt an intense amount of nausea. Her arm burned. She shut her eyes.
The Doctor shot out of his chair and staggered out of the room and into the kitchen that was blessedly only a door away.
Agatha ran after him.
Donna hesitated.
"I'll be fine. You know I'll be fine. The Doctor. Get to the kitchen. Ginger beer, walnuts," Marion hissed, "anchovies, a shock. Go. Now,"
Marion heard frantic footsteps and shouting coming from the nearby kitchen. The pain in her arm faded as fast as it came and it was replaced by a strong sense of absolute terror. She was poisoned and she was dying but she didn't hear the sound of clocks. Was she going to die for real? Was this it? It couldn't be! The Doctor had said that she'd traveled with him for centuries and One had known who she was at Tombsto-.
Marion's nausea swelled and she lurched forward.
It was like drinking in reverse. And as whatever flowed out of her stomach and up her esophagus entered her mouth, Marion noted that it didn't taste acidic the way vomit normally did. It tasted bitter and acrid and unpleasant.
Marion had been given more ginger ale since that was what she had asked for at the start. It had been slightly bitter but mostly sweet. Nothing like this.
Marion retrieved her half-empty glass, parted her lips, and spit. Something clear like water emerged from her lips. The bitter taste left her mouth immediately. She could breathe easier, but she wasn't breathing easy.
She slammed the cup down and stood to her feet.
The lurching in her stomach was gone, which was a good thing. Somehow Marion knew for sure that the poison was no longer in her system. But she still felt dizzy. But that didn't matter. She ran as fast as she could to the door and shoved it open as fast as she could. The shouting that had been somewhat muffled by the door was there at full force.
"Cocktail shaker. What do you want, a Harvey Wallbanger?"
"Harvey Wallbanger?"
"Salt!" Marion shouted. As she ran into the room.
"Ginger beer, Walnuts, Anchovies," she murmured under her breath, ignoring Agatha's look of confusion at seeing her up and moving. Marion ignored that. She ran to the other side of the room and grabbed a jar. She practically ripped the lid off and shoved it into the Doctor's hand.
"Here!"
"What is th-,"
"Anchovies, Salt. Eat,"
The dizziness was all but completely gone.
"Marion! How are you-"
"Christie. That's not important right now. That's so, so far from being important. Ginger beer, walnuts, anchovies, a shock. He needs a shock,"
"What do you mean, 'a shock'!"
"A surprise! A shock!"
"Right then," Donna replied, "Big shock coming up,"
Donna grabbed the Doctor by the shoulders and yanked him towards her. She kissed him hard and then let him go. The Doctor tilted his head back. Dark silvery smoke poured out of his mouth like a chunk of dry ice dropped in a barrel of water. He coughed heavily and leaned forward. Marion lightly patted him on the back. Something slowly stopped buzzing under her fingertips.
"Detox. Oh my. I must do that more often,"
Donna stared at the Doctor.
"I mean, the detox," he said quickly.
"Marion," Agatha looked at her, "Did you do some kind of detox too? You're…,"
"Alive? Well yeah, I just kind of threw it up," That wasn't entirely accurate. It would've been more correct to say that her digestive system had reversed itself, extracted the poison, and sent it back up where she could spit it out.
"Does that normally happen?"
"I don't make a habit of chugging poison to see what happens Agatha. All I know is that what went into my mouth was orangish and sweet and what came out of my mouth was clear and acrid. And I'm currently not lying on the sitting room floor dying,"
Agatha looked back and forth between Marion and the Doctor in disbelief. "You two are impossible! Who are you?"
Next Chapter: I've Connected The Dots
Agatha: Both of you drank WAY over the lethal amount of Potassium Cyanide. How are either of you still alive?
The Doctor: I'm an alien. My physiology is much different from yours. By ingesting certain substances, I'm able to stimulate my body into expelling the toxins out of my body.
Agatha: What about your Marion.
Marion: God won't let me die. IDK what to tell you.
Y'all can have a little more Marion lore, as a treat!
Like I said before, in order to add a bit of realism into my fun and funky story about a woman getting more or less forcibly flung around another person's timeline, I base what she does and does not remember based on what I do and do not remember when I first open the episode.
Unfortunately, I seem to have a blank spot in my brain for where murderer's identities should go. So...yeah! Most unfortunate.
Anyway, if any of you want to suggest an episode for me to an episode or a Doctor, or a comic, or a book or anything like that. Let me know! If I can get a hold of it to read it, then I might do it! I'm having a good time!
If you're reading this, I assume that you're a huge nerd and since you are a huge nerd, you saw the newest episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved featuring Agatha Christie's disappearance. Now, you might be thinking. "Hey, Luna! Aren't you going to address the differences in Agatha's disappearance in the show compared to in real life? You seemed really, really, annoyed about the whole issue in the Gunfighters! What's different here?"
Well. Here's the thing. I'm sure you already know this, but in early, early Doctor Who, any time the Doctor traveled to the past, the "conflict" or whatever mostly involved the locals and not some alien threat. This was because the show was still technically trying to teach students history. The only exception to this rule that I can think of is the Meddling Monk. This trend continued up until the Highlanders and then they stopped. The inaccuracies in the Gunsmokers bothered me because it was supposed to be teaching you about a real actual gunfight that actually happened and couldn't even bother to accurately portray the people involved with the fight, let alone who actually died during it.
Meanwhile, Unicorn and the Wasp involved a man who can shapeshift into a giant insect and murders people because his mother is a Christie stan. It also claims that the reason that Agatha disappeared was that she killed an alien wasp that was psychically connected to her and caused her amnesia. The show isn't pretending to teach history. So I'm letting it slide.
Oh, and also, fun fact! Agatha Christie's books did in fact save a life. In the 70s thanks to reading one of Christie's books, a nurse was able to correctly identify a child with thallium poisoning. This was good because the hospital didn't have the kit to test that on hand and if it wasn't for that Christie and that nurse, the child would have died.