If I were a boy (Robyn)
Robyn sat in front of the mirror, her long curly hair cascading around her shoulders as Cat meticulously applied makeup. Despite the artistry at play, Robyn's reflection felt foreign, a beautiful facade that didn't quite match the person inside.
"So, what do you think?" Cat asked, surveying her handiwork with a smile.
Robyn managed a faint smile in return, though her eyes betrayed a hint of unease. "You're amazing with makeup, Cat. It's just..." She hesitated, searching for the right words.
"Just what?" Cat leaned in, concern etching her features.
"It's not me," Robyn confessed quietly, her fingers fidgeting with the edge of her shirt.
Cat paused, her expression softening with understanding. "You know, I've always thought you were beautiful just as you are," she said gently, setting the makeup aside. "But if this doesn't feel like you, then that's what matters."
Robyn met Cat's gaze, a rush of emotions swirling within her. "There's something else," she began, her voice trembling slightly. "I... I think I want to be a boy."
Cat's reaction was a mixture of surprise and concern, her brows furrowing slightly. "Oh." She paused, choosing her words carefully. "That's... that's a big thing, Robyn. Are you sure?"
Robyn nodded, the weight of her admission hanging heavy in the air. "I've been feeling this way for a while now. I'm sure."
Cat's discomfort was palpable, yet she tried to mask it with kindness. "Okay. I mean, you're still you, right?" Her attempt at reassurance fell slightly flat, tinged with uncertainty.
Robyn offered a small, grateful smile. "Yeah, I'm still me. Just trying to figure things out."
Their conversation lingered in the air, the unspoken tension mingling with the scent of makeup. Despite Cat's discomfort, she extended a hand of support, a silent promise that their friendship would endure, even amidst Robyn's journey of self-discovery.
Robyn stood before her bedroom mirror, the reflection staring back at her a mosaic of uncertainty and courage. The weight of a secret, once confined to the depths of her heart, now clawed at the edges of her consciousness. The gentle hum of her room felt like a cocoon, wrapping her in a moment of solitude as she grappled with the decision looming ahead.
Her eyes, weary yet resolute, met the gaze of the person in the mirror. The long, curly black hair framed a face etched with the struggle for self-acceptance. In that introspective moment, she revisited the conversation with Cat, the words exchanged hanging in the air like a delicate balance.
"I'm still me. Just trying to figure things out," Robyn had affirmed, the echo of her admission lingering in the corners of her thoughts.
The memory of Cat's kind but uneasy response lingered, a subtle undercurrent in the otherwise supportive exchange. A flicker of doubt danced on the edges of Robyn's determination. Would her parents, too, react with a mix of love and discomfort?
She took a deep breath, grappling with the decision that loomed like a mountain before her. The urge to be true to herself clashed with the fear of potential judgment, even from those she loved most.
The room, bathed in soft light, seemed to hold its breath as Robyn weighed the pros and cons of laying her truth bare. Her parents, pillars of her world, had always been a source of comfort, but this revelation had the power to alter the course of their understanding.
As she stared into her own eyes in the mirror, Robyn questioned whether she was ready for the journey that awaited her. The desire for gender-affirming care, the longing for authenticity, clashed with the fear of unsettling the comfortable equilibrium of her family life.
Yet, beneath the uncertainty, a quiet strength stirred within her. The reflection in the mirror was more than just physical features; it was a canvas of resilience, a testament to the courage it took to be true to oneself.
With a determined exhale, Robyn made a choice. The mirror held the reflection of a person on the precipice of transformation, ready to confront the world with authenticity. She would tell her parents, navigating the uncharted waters of self-discovery, no matter the waves of uncertainty that lay ahead.
The room, once hushed, now held the promise of a secret about to be shared, the weight of truth ready to reshape the narrative of Robyn's life.
Robyn's heart raced with nervous anticipation as she sat across from her mom, the air thick with unspoken emotions. Her mother's gaze held a mixture of concern and apprehension, her features etched with the weight of the impending conversation.
"Mom, I need to tell you something," Robyn began, her voice a blend of determination and vulnerability.
Her mother nodded, though there was a slight tension in her posture, a premonition of the weighty confession about to unfold.
"I... I want to be a boy," Robyn's words hung in the air, a delicate thread tethering her to her truth.
Her mother's reaction was a symphony of conflicting emotions. There was a pause, a pregnant silence that stretched between them, thick with unspoken fears and unshed tears.
"Oh, Robyn," her mother whispered, her voice trembling slightly. "I love you, and I want you to be happy. But..." Her voice faltered, the unsaid sentiment hanging heavy in the air.
Robyn's heart sank, the ache of disappointment palpable in her mother's response. The allowance for gender-affirming treatment came with a bittersweet acknowledgment—a daughter slipping through her fingers like sand, leaving behind an ache of loss.
"I'll support you, but..." her mother's voice wavered, tears glistening in her eyes. "I'll miss having a daughter."
Leah, sitting nearby, looked at her older sister with wide, understanding eyes. Though only 11, she mustered all the support she could, reaching out to squeeze Robyn's hand in solidarity.
"I'll still be me, Mom," Robyn whispered, a tremor in her voice. "I'll always be your child, just... a happier version of myself."
The room was steeped in an emotional labyrinth, a tapestry of love and apprehension, acceptance and loss.
Leah, sensing the heaviness of the moment, spoke up, her voice a gentle reassurance. "I'll still be Leah, if that's okay." Her eyes held an unwavering support, a pledge to stand by her sibling's side.
Amidst the swirling emotions, Robyn found solace in Leah's unwavering support, a beacon of hope amid a tumultuous sea of feelings.
The soft chime of the salon door signaled a new chapter in Robyn's journey. As she settled into the salon chair, the anticipation mingled with excitement and nervous energy. The stylist, attuned to her desires, listened as Robyn described the transformation she envisioned.
The clippers hummed to life, creating a melody of change. A nice fade took shape on the sides, a bold statement that echoed Robyn's newfound identity. The wild black curls at the top became a crown of individuality, each strand embracing the uniqueness of her true self.
As the stylist worked, Robyn marveled at the reflection in the mirror. The manly cut, a fusion of structured precision and untamed curls, already felt like a piece of the puzzle falling into place. She left the salon with a renewed sense of confidence, the weight of societal expectations shedding with each step.
Armed with a fresh haircut and a wardrobe that echoed the authenticity within, Robyn embraced the world as Robbie for the first time. The bindings offered a sense of alignment, a physical manifestation of the journey she had embarked upon. As Robbie, he moved through the world with a newfound ease, the fabric of his clothes and the resonance of his name echoing the truth that had long been suppressed.
The summer unfolded with the rhythm of transformation, but a tinge of sadness lingered as Cat, Robyn's best friend, seemed to drift away. The absence cast a shadow on the season, the unspoken space between them growing as the days slipped away.
With the support of his mother, Robbie ventured into the realm of testosterone. The injections, though a physical process, marked the emotional journey toward self-discovery. Day by day, the changes unfolded—his voice deepened, facial features shifted, and a subtle strength emerged.
Summer became a time of preparation for the next step—top surgery. Robbie spent days researching, attending consultations, and mentally preparing for the transformative procedure. The anticipation weighed heavy, but so did the sense of liberation that loomed on the horizon.
As the school year approached, Robbie stood at the intersection of past and present, a culmination of courage, acceptance, and the unwavering support of those who stood by his side. The journey had only just begun, but each step forward echoed with the promise of authenticity and self-love.
But you're just a boy…