Cultural Minister Long Feng
I maintained a quick pace in spite of my exhaustion, knowing that with or without me, the meeting would begin soon, and I was not about to allow myself to miss it, even if every part of me would have been happier closing my eyes now and collapsing now in the Earth King's great hall.
The prospect of it was tempting, especially with a night spent doing anything but sleeping, instead having my eyes glued to my south-facing window, knowing that a few dozen miles in that direction, beyond four walls and twice as many administrative districts, our city was fighting for its life.
I was the head of Dai Li, not military. Even if I was military, then I wasn't part of the council of 5, meaning that I wouldn't have been made privy to the details of the defense. That didn't mean that I hadn't had my own ways of learning, however. Receiving updates by the hour, delivered to me on a new constant basis for my secretary who I'd long since dismissed but remained committed to staying up for as long as I was, I'd been made sure to know just when the Dragon had attacked our walls, and Deming had followed just minutes after.
I was informed when General Deming's forces broke against our walls, collapsed, and the Dragon's Host itself was driven back shortly after.
My hands trembled in joy as I read how the Council of Five had led our city's forces in a counter attack, near wiping out the 64th's forces, and trembled in anger as I learned of those we had lost in doing so.
Fools.
I was one of only a handful of men within the royal palace who knew of this, but soon, that number would increase by one more where I would hear all that I knew about already, but spoken once again through a filter of military confidentiality.
I would need to decide then, or now better yet, if I would play my hand in revealing what I knew too, but I supposed all of that was dependent on how much or little our city's brave defenders chose to share.
I shouldn't mock them, I thought to myself, scared to think just how much of Ba Sing Se would be in flames by now if the Fire Nation had been allowed into our city and the generals of our military hadn't done their job. I admitted, however, that things would have been much better between us if they could temporarily stomach their pride and realize that Ba Sing Se would be just as lost without me as without them.
The guards standing in front of the King's great doors recognized me as I approached, more than accustomed to seeing me make this same walk many times over, partially glad for the distance between my office and the throne room as the walk to and fro gave me the time needed to put my final thoughts together on the way there, and release my stress on the way back.
They made no move to stop me, the guards, meaning that I hadn't so much been barred from the meeting happening right now so much as deliberately kept out of the loop.
Too little, too late, I thought as the men opened the great door for me.
I gave a curt nod to the guard to my right as I entered, wordlessly thanking him as I knew him to be the one who'd made me privy to the details of this little get together's happening. He maintained the stoic stiffness of a guard of his position, though I knew he saw, and he knew the miniscule breach in confidentiality would be made well worth it to him. I would see to it.
I entered through the door, and was greeted with a sight that did not surprise me in the slightest. Earth King Kuei sat atop his throne at the end of the great hat, past eighteen large stone pillars that ran down the length of the hall before reaching the elevated dais atop which the King was positioned, accessible by nine separate stairways, always approachable, but always above us. So there the throne with its king atop was positioned, surmounted by a great stone badgermole clutching our nation's emblem, albeit with a grip that greatly surpassed that of our own king.
The door closed behind with a loud clang and so the heads in the throne room now turned to face me. There were five in total who even from this great distance away, I could recognize merely by where they were positioned in the room, never faltering from their regular spots.
I took a deep breath, now finally allowing the pace of my heart to slow upon a realization that I'd made it in time and the meeting hadn't yet ended. Accordingly, I slowed the pace of my steps, and so walked forward slowly lest my anxiousness be noticed. Instead, I stiffened my posture, and put one foot in front of the other at standard pace as I identified each of the men in the room.
There was the Earth King, of course, sitting atop his throne, much too large for him, by no means possessing the stature that his father had carried with him, inciting me to doubt at times if the two even were truly of one blood. I, of course, knew they were, one of my responsibilities as head of the Dai Li having been to monitor and safeguard the activities of the royal family, including even the queen, now queen mother, and if anybody could be certain that Kuei was of no outside blood, it was me. The apple had simply fallen far from the tree, it seemed.
Standing beside the throne was Honang, grand secretariat of Ba Sing Se, and by extension, the Earth Kingdom, as well as the King's right hand man–one whom I despised, and who returned the favor unhesitantly. The post of grand secretariat, by design, was not one meant to hold a great deal of power, but as the man to screen all documents both going to and coming from the King as well as maintaining sway over all others of the King's court, the Grand Secretariat could hardly be distinguishable from the ruler of Ba Sing Se from time to time, especially at present for a King as inexperienced as our own, still a boy in all but in age. I would have hoped that the man guiding such a ruler would have been one of wisdom and intelligence himself. Instead, however, we were stuck with him.
"Good of you to join us, Long Feng," he said, no doubt already seething at the sight of me and that this meeting had not been allowed to reach its finale without me present. He would be left wanting, however, as I approached closer.
"Cultural Minister Long Feng," Earth King Kuei addressed me courteously as I found my position ahead of his throne, and so knelt in proper fealty to the King of our nation before rising.
"Your grace," I said in respect before rising. "I apologize for my lateness. I only just learned of this meeting's happening."
"I didn't expect you to be awake," came a voice from behind and beside me, belonging to General How, the greatest military mind in Ba Sing Se as far as his rank was concerned and leader of the Council of Five.
"Our city's defenders worked through the night," I said. "Why should I have done any differently?"
The general huffed. He was a smart man despite being military, and conscious enough to see through my words and that it hadn't been a matter of observance for the army as much as my own affairs that'd kept me awake. I gave the general a sly smirk before turning my attention back to our king, or rather, the man who would likely speak in his stead, the grand secretariat, to ask, "May I ask what I may have missed?"
"You haven't missed much," Kuei himself said instead, drawing my attention to him. "General How was just informing me about the defensive actions from the outer wall."
I turned back towards General How, and his two more silent generals behind him, Sung and Fon, incompetent and dull respectively. Generals Hondu and Roleng likely still manned their posts atop the wall, and thankfully so, leaving the remnants of the council, with the exception of How, those I wouldn't trust anywhere near the frontline, here.
The man cleared his throat, and I wondered if he intended to backtrack for my sake, or instead pick up right where he left off, and perhaps too skip a few details he originally would have intended on sharing in the name of depriving me of as much information as he could. His thoughts regarding me weren't quite as openly hostile as Honang's for obvious reasons, hardly viewing me as a rival considering we occupied very separate niche's of our nation's affairs, but still bore the same disdain for the Dai Li as most those of the army did.
"As I was saying," General How picked up, "we are proud to report that the Fire Nation attack on our wall last night has been met with critical failure. Ba Sing Se's walls stand tall, and our military has prevailed."
He intended to say more, I knew instantly, the words just spoken here simply a statement of the outcome, not a report. There was more to this. A lot more. I would try to find out here, the legitimate way, but if that route was made unavailable to me, then I always had my own means.
"What of the enemy?" I asked. "How does their fighting capability compare to before the battle?"
General How kept his focus on the king rather than me even as he addressed my question, clearly his way of trying to remind me of who he served in this room.
"The 64th division under the command of General Deming Fu Xiaoqing sustained catastrophic losses. Our estimations lie at an enemy casualty rate of over seventy-five percent." Meaning both dead as well as wounded. "The remnants of their forces have been routed, many defecting entirely as we suspect a smaller minority will attempt to flee to the lines of the Dragon's Host."
"And what of the Dragon's Host," I asked. "How did they fare from the battle?"
"General Iroh's forces sustained heavy losses as well, but unlike Deming, pulled his forces back rather than press the assault."
Smart man. I would have much preferred hearing that his forces had also broken against our walls.
"Seeing this," General How continued, "I instructed General Hondu to engage the remnants of the 64th division beyond the wall, allowing us to near totally cull their forces, attacking their positions including the fortress they captured from us a little over a fortnight ago."
"What of their commanders?" Grand Secretariat Honang asked. "Were you able to capture governor Deming?" It was a reasonable thing to ask. Such a man would have made for a valuable hostage.
"I'm afraid not, my lord. He was killed by our men in the fighting while we secured their positions."
Meaning that the fighting had not been so totally one-sided. If it had been, just a simple onslaught and assault of Fire Nation lines, the man could have been captured, but no, fighting had been fierce, which begged a question.
"And in this counterattack," I spoke up. "How did your own forces fair?"
Now General How turned to face me, perhaps thinking that such a question was one intended to 'catch' him, so to speak. He wasn't necessarily wrong, but there was something far more fundamental at the root of it. I only wanted the facts.
"I have yet to receive a full report on casualty numbers, but the last estimates I received from General Hondu suggest a five to one ratio of their forces to ours. A good number, only that we needed our forces more than the Fire Nation did. Between the two of our nations, only one was besieged, and the other had damn near taken over the world with the near entirety of its manpower at its disposal, and I knew which of those two we were.
How turned back to King Kuei to say, "I'll ensure a full report is delivered to you by midday today."
A report that would never reach my desk. Anything from giving a reason to outsource city security to the Dai Li.
"And what of you?" Grand Secretariat Honang asked, now facing me as though having read my mind. "Do you have anything to report on the domestic affairs of our city?"
Nothing good, I was afraid.
"The food shortage is getting worse," I reported. "There is not enough food to feed those of the lower districts, and they are well aware of this. They are beginning to grow restless, agitated, and in some cases, violent."
"I will remind you," Hongang said, "that city logistics and supply allocation are not your field of interest nor concern."
"No," I agreed. "But security and policing are. When matters of logistics and supplies interfere with domestic security and policing, they become my concern.
Honang seemed intent on saying something more, but was stopped short by a raised hand from the King, who asked instead, "Could you explain more to that?"
I bowed in affirmation before rising again. "With supply lines into the city cut as a result of the siege, our stores are running low, and the general populace is beginning to take notice. It's been a year of slowly intensifying rationing. They were bound to take notice eventually."
"How about our agricultural land?" the boy king asked. "It's not enough to feed our people?"
"It's nearly Winter, your grace. Crops aren't growing as they once were. Even when it was Summer and Autumn, Fire Nation artillery had been pounding as much of our farmland as they can from the otherside of the wall with chemical and incendiary munitions with their range. What's left is only enough to feed a portion of our population, the middle and upper districts."
"Can't we adjust our rationing policies to include those in the middle and upper districts too so it won't be those in the lower district facing starvation the worst. If it's as bad as you say, they won't make it past Winter. It's only right that the rest of the city make sacrifices to help their own."
"I would advise against such a solution, your grace," said Grand Secretariat Honang. And for once, I agreed. While it was hard not to admire the king's idealism at times, his thoughts were just that–ideals. "Imposing such measures on the middle and upper districts would see a marked decline in support for your reign. Without financial assistance from the middle district and the political support of the nobility, you could face insurrection."
"So I'm being expected to abandon over two thirds of my city's population to appease the minority?"
"This is the way of things," Honang said. "Your father understood this, and his reign was one of unprecedented stability and security."
"And now over half of my city is starving and is under siege."
"And will emerge stronger than ever before." Empty words if nothing is done to back them up, but it wasn't my turn to speak. Honing turned to face me. "Long Feng," he said. "As head of the Dai Li, what do you propose should be done to quell domestic dissent within the lower district."
Such was a question a head of a department always wanted to hear, and so was always prepared for with a grocery list to put forward first, followed by that which was truly necessary in the incident of compromise.
"I would require more agents first and foremost, five-hundred at minimum, as well as an increase to our quarterly budget of approximately ten thousand gold pieces to account for salary, bribes, and payoffs. In addition, I would ask that my agents be given access to surplus military supplies in order to assist in law enforcement duties where subversion fails.
"Recruitment affairs for the Dai Li are left to you, Long Feng. If you are failing to find others gullible enough to join your ranks, then it is your job to fix that. Regardless, I cannot approve the recruitment of men from the middle and upper districts as we are now. Bodies are still needed to replenish lost military personnel. As for your budget, the crown cannot spare the coin without a promise of immediate return." I'd expected such a response. This was where bargaining normally would come in, but I had to ask first, "And as for military supplies?"
Honang turned his head towards General How, whose look of disapproval made the odds of such a pretty definite 'no.' So here, compromise would begin. Only, I hadn't expected just how far Honang would go with it.
"If it is military assets that are needed for city defense, then I believe there is a solution that will benefit us all. With our recent victory over the Fire Nation and gross dwindling of hostile forces, the men and resources can be spared. General How, you will assign General Hondu and his men to the lower districts of Ba Sing Se to collaborate with local police as well as Dai Li to maintain the peace. The influx of your men will ensure that any opposition is quelled and does not grow any further."
"What?" General how asked aloud.
"My lord," I said, "this is highly irregular."
"My troops are needed on the battlefield. They currently are occupying the positions we've just recaptured from the Fire Nation."
"Then recall them," the Grand Secretariat said. "Your forces have lost territory beyond the wall to the Fire Nation time and time. It's best that your men now be used to maintain the peace and internal stability of the city they protect. Surely you can see this as well, your grace?"
All eyes turned to the king, naturally, where he sat atop his throne, eyes darting between the three of us involved in the affair, less so trying to determine for himself what was best as much as trying to determine what a "good king" would have done. What his father would have done. So, I already knew that Honang had won. For this discussion at least, the King was in his pocket, and no words from me nor General How were going to change that.
"Very well," the Earth King said. "This decision seems to be wisest, and will ensure that our city does not fall into chaos. See that it is done." Hongang bowed, and the Earth king turned to us. "Is this understood?"
The two of us remained standing still in silence, trying to find some way to slip out, to find an alternative, but there was none. Honing had won this victory over the two of us, and ensured that his words were those to come out of the Earth King's mouth. It was over.
"Yes, your grace," General How and I said as one, kneeling respectively.
We were dismissed shortly after, General How and I leaving shortly after his other two generals while Honang stayed behind, likely to commend the King for his 'wise' decision today.
"I trust you understand that this arrangement is equally detrimental to the both of us," I said.
"I am well aware," the general mumbled under his breath as soon as we were beyond the throne room's threshold, back in the great hall that led to it. "But the King has spoken."
"Hrm, the king has spoken," I agreed.
The general's head turned to face me, clearly having not liked something in the way I'd said it. He was so easily antagonized, already well wary of me, and needlessly so more often than not, except for now perhaps. Honang had sought to keep us both in check with this latest move of his, and he'd succeeded quite well in doing just that. To both of our expenses.
"It would be wise," I said, breaking the silence before the general's path could diverge from mine, "if we look after our mutual interests in this matter."
"Meaning that I know your forces suffered casualties defending the wall. Your men are needed there, not in the lower district enforcing a curfew."
"On that we agree."
"Then assist me with this, General How. Release your casualty numbers to me. We can make a case to the king that not even the Grand Secretariat will be able to oppose."
"So you're proposing we plot behind the king's back?"
"It's nothing of that sort. It would be a matter of ensuring that the king's interests–protecting his city and his nation–are met. There is no need to be dramatic."
We'd reached the part of the hallway where our paths would diverge, but we stood there instead, on the precipice of either an agreement, or a departure. I was foolish to hope for the former.
The general narrowed his eyes. "The King will hear of what transpired on the walls when he needs to. I trust him to come up with an educated decision on his own."
A decision fed to him by Honang, but I could not say it, not as the general walked away, back to where he belonged, leaving me alone in that great hall built for giants as I finally resigned myself to do the same.
My office was not empty as I'd expected it to be, however, instead still occupied by a lone lantern in the dark, and my secretary sitting at her desk.
She stood instantly to bow upon seeing me enter. "Cultural minister!" he exclaimed before sitting back down, face flushed as though I'd surprised her with my entrance. I could have sworn that I'd bid her to go home as I'd left for my meeting. Had I forgotten?
"I thought I told you to go home after I left," I said.
"You did," she smiled, "but you're still here."
She had a knack for being clever in this way. I couldn't fight her on such things as this as she was quite possibly the only person in this city capable of outwitting me, though I supposed her way of doing so was a few degrees away from the way in which others such as How and Honang generally tried to get away with. Notwithstanding, I appreciated such comments from her, just one of the many reasons I was happy to have her around. Perhaps, at times, too happy.
I chuckled. "Am I going to have to worry about Fihe coming here to retrieve you like last time."
My secretary closed her eyes, stifling a small laugh before saying, "No. We had a long talk and I promise that won't happen again."
"I should hope so," I scoffed as I approached her desk. "He's about the only man in this city who frightens me."
"He's a little cub at heart."
"And a grown bear in strength. Was he put on the walls last night?"
She shook her head. "Thankfully not. Auxiliary ranks only. He'll complain about it once I'm home-not seeing any action, but I'm glad for it."
"You should talk to him. I'm looking for new recruits for the Dai Li and could use one of his ability."
"Oh, I've tried. More than once. But military men, the way they feel about the Dai Li…sorry, of course you know by now. Better than anyone probably."
As the woman responsible for logging and cataloging all such meetings that I did have with the council of five and those under them, she likely knew that just as well too by now.
"You use the time keeping him waiting well at least?" I asked.
She nodded. "Mhm. A full list of potential candidates for recruitment has been put together, organized in order of surname, categorized in color by suggested recruitment priority."
Right, I thought, grimacing, remembering how I'd likely hedged a small bit too much in the hope of at least securing permission to recruit perhaps a hundred new men at least. That'd been before Honang's power play however. I didn't have the heart to tell her such a report couldn't be used just yet, nor for a while. Fortunately, she was talking again before I could be forced to find a way to change the subject. "Oh," she said. "And Captain Heli is here to see you."
Captain Heli? I at least might have something going my way then.
"Let him in," I said.
My secretary nodded, and rang the small bell at her desk. I could hear the door begin to open only a few short seconds after.
"And you may go home," I added.
"I'm happy to stay until-"
"I insist," I said. "Go back to Fihe. I'm sure he's waiting for you."
Her expression softened, and so she stood, grabbing her belongings from the table before bowing and setting on her way out. I felt bad for the way I was dismissing her, but the details to be discussed now were best not heard by her. Still, I couldn't send her off this way.
"Joo Dee," I said, drawing my secretary's attention back to me before closing the door behind her. "Thank you."
She gave a curt nod of her head alongside a soft smile. "Goodnight, Long Feng."
The door was shut, leaving now only me and Captain Heli, commander of the Dai Li, directly under me as its head, and the man I knew I could rely on when it was information that was needed.
I approached my desk, though not to sit, but just to look out the window where an artificial sun sat on the horizon, the glow of many hundreds of fires burning far beyond the outer wall, bright enough to create an artificial glow in the vast distance in spite of just how far it was away, tens to dozens of miles.
"So how does it look?" I asked.
"The Fire Nation's 64th is in shambles," he said. "The Dragon of the West has suffered losses as well, but to nowhere near the same extent."
"I know this," I said. "And what of our own forces."
"The news is less good. General Hondu engaged his forces too early, advancing on Fire Nation positions while a vast majority of their infantry remained. Fighting was fierce, and earliest reports place our own casualties as just shy of five thousand."
Five to one my ass, I thought to myself, grimacing at the news. We didn't readily have the men available to refill those ranks. Not without needing to consider scraping the barrel, or, far worse, consider conscripting from those outside the lower district.
"Injured to killed?"
"Perhaps two in five," Heli said. "Those with hopes of recovery, less."
I sighed. It would have been such a waste. The army would discard them past fighting potential, but their service wasn't over. Not quite yet as far as I could see. Even as they were now, these men could be brought back, healed, and made to serve their nation again.
"Find the benders among them," I said. "Have them transported to Lake Laogai for recovery."
"You want us to begin with them, sir?"
"No. Not quite yet. We're not ready. Besides, we don't need to. Not for them. They have nowhere else to go. Make them see that they can still serve their nation and their king. They'll come around."
The captain nodded. "Of course, sir. As for Lake Laogai…"
The far more pressing matter.
"Tell me," I interrupted, my attention fully his now, the future of the Earth Kingdom very well relying on what he had to tell me next. "What is our progress?"
"Steady, sir, but reliable. I don't yet have a report ready, but can have one put together for you tomorrow."
"Do that," I said, still facing outside the window.
Out there, dozens of miles away, thousands of men were fighting a war of arms to determine the fate of this city. There was another war happening in here, however, one largely ignored, one that saw neighbors turning against one another for scraps without mercy, and there was only one way to set things right, to save this city, this nation, from the one threat it expected least–itself.
The battle out there was only part of a bigger picture, but when compared to that which would decide the fate of millions and, in time, the fate of our Kingdom, how could the petty squabbles of a few meager soldiers ever compare?
This was my war, and so I would let them continue to play in theirs.
Fluke
You should have run.
I ignored the voice as it was spoken to me, focusing on little more than the world right in front of me, and in putting one foot in front of the other.
You should have left when you had the chance.
Maybe I should have.
I could have been miles away from Ba Sing Se by now, the city only a memory left behind me to the smoke and ash. There was a possibility that, by now, after hours of walking in the pitch dark, I could have found somewhere to spend the night beneath a tree, maybe in a ruin, some hovel in the ground. I didn't have to be walking for hours in the dark, guided only by the fires that burned around what had been the 64th's positions, stepping over one body after another, counting the hundreds of them as I walked.
I could have been doing anything else. I could have been done with it all, I could have let myself die, be at peace, whatever.
You should have.
And maybe that was true, but I hadn't, and as the corners of my eyes darkened, narrowing in on what was directly in front of me alone, I decided it didn't matter.
I'd made my choice, and there was no part of me that regretted it.
Not anymore.
I saw what they'd done–the Earth Kingdom. Everywhere I looked, scores of men, Fire Nation soldiers, killed, left to die, surrounded me.
It did not take a genius to see that they'd never stood a chance. Once the 64th's armored brigades had been lost, the ground had been opened to a slaughter. The Earth Kingdom had left their walls, caught infantry out in the open after weakening them with artillery. Still, the fires burned, charred remains of Fire Nation soldiers littering the earth.
Some lay strewn out amidst the rare Earth Kingdom soldier, having fought and died in battle while the vast majority lay further behind, facing the wrong day, having been cut down while trying to flee. Whether the bloodied dozens of holes littering their backs indicating they'd been shot through by Earth Kingdom rapid fire. Craters in the ground spoke of artillery tearing about bundles of them at a time, scattered limbs and corpses beyond recognition speaking just of that. And the others, I could only imagine they'd fled if they were lucky enough, reaching the forest or the Dragon's Host, though I wondered which of them would be stupid enough to deliberately put themselves through more after what they'd already seen.
As stupid as I am, I supposed as I walked, seeing what the Earth Kingdom had left behind from their rampage, tearing us apart without mercy.
There was no way to know that any of the others were alive. For all I knew, the Dragon's Host had been torn apart same as the 64th. They could have all been dead–Danev, Mykezia, Lu Ten, the general himself, all of them. After what I'd seen here, I wouldn't have put it past the Earth Kingdom, having wiped out the 64th in moments, able to commit all of their forces to a single breakthrough attempt. This siege could already have been over and I'd have had no idea.
So many things could have been different, should have been different. We shouldn't have attacked the wall when we did. We should have followed the plan,we shouldn't have gone doubled down on a failed assault, we should have pulled back, we should have done everything except what we'd done.
But it was too late for that now. Too late to consider what could have been.
Ahead of me, a great fire lit up the night, burning away at the fortress we had fought to conquer only three weeks ago. And all for nothing.
It burned, its smoke trailing into the sky and forming what could be mistaken for clouds no more than a hundred or so feet overhead, shrouding the top of Ba Sing Se's great wall. I couldn't see where it ended. Nobody could, not after today. We thought we could, that we might just see over, but we'd been wrong.
The smart man would have run. Would have left to anywhere that wasn't here. The smart man would know that in spite of this all, it wasn't over, and that we would attack again, and again, and again until the wall of Ba Sing Se was no more.
You can still run. It's never too late.
A smart man wouldn't have cared for the thousands of bodies surrounding him, so long as he was not among them. He wouldn't have concerned himself with who each of these men were, and what they'd been thinking in their last moments prior to death. The Earth Kingdom had cut them down regardless. Whether they stood in fought as indicated by the swords in their hands where they lay, or had tried to run as shown by the way their faces sat submerged in the mud, or even surrendered if the rows of dead Fire Nation soldiers was proof of anything, it hadn't mattered. They were all slaughtered the exact same way.
I tried to count the Earth kingdom soldiers I'd killed that day, wondering if it might bring me some comfort, but their faces had begun to blur in my mind. I couldn't remembered how many times I'd fired, how many times I'd missed as opposed to hitting my mark, how many bodies had fallen from the wall to a rocky grave below.
All I knew was that it hadn't been enough.
It hadn't been enough to stop the Earth Kingdom here, to let us take their wall, to help end this war all the quicker. It hadn't been enough to save these men, to save Gan, to save Gunji, to save anybody. It never had been. It never had been enough. Not in Citadel, not here, not anywhere.
I wasn't a savior. I tried to save Mini when we were just boys back in Citadel, and he was killed by the Peacemakers. I tried to save Bee by protecting her from the Rats, but the Hornets had killed her anyway. I tried to save Miro, to save the Rats, to save Reek, but they'd all died too. I thought being a soldier would change that. I thought I would be able to protect people better than I ever could before, but Gan and Gunji were dead now. Because of me. Because I hadn't done enough.
I wasn't a savior. That had never been my power.
You don't belong here.
I ignored the voice, remembering back to what Jeong Jeong had said, rather. I held the power to defeat my enemy, to kill my enemy, to burn cities to the ground, to murder, to slaughter. That was the gift I'd been given. Not to save. I couldn't save anybody, but I could be a shield. I could be the shield that stood in front of those I knew, and burned the enemy away, to kill them before they killed me or those standing behind me. If the best defense was a swift and decisive offense, then that's what I would be–the perfect protection–the perfect Aegis.
My eyes squinted from the light of the burning fortress, and I wondered just how many of our own had fought to the last breath in there, how many had been cornered by the Earth Kingdom with no way out and put to death.
The thought would have scared me before, but it didn't any longer. There was no room left for fear. Jeong Jeong had said that fear was only the beginning. That from there came hate, then anger, then suffered, but had I not already suffered? Had I not already seen those I cared about killed around me? What was there to lose anymore? I could not save those who were gone, but I could still protect those who were left, and for that, I needed to kill all those who threatened them, all those inside those walls, all those who bore the sigil of the Earth Kingdom, I would kill them all.
It was then that I heard voices. They were not those of Fire Nation soldiers calling out for mercy. They were the voices of the living, of those who dealt death and destruction rather than suffer from it. I saw their shadows in the distance, made all the more clear by merit of the fire to their backs. They were soldiers, and not ours.
I couldn't make out their words. I didn't need to. I saw enough as it was. I heard as they laughed to one another, watched as they plunged their spears into the soldiers on the ground, checking to ensure all here were dead.
They'll be joining them soon enough.
I instinctively attempted to produce a flame in my right hand, but was met only with a surge of pain through it like a thousand needles had worked their way into my bloodstream and now flowed through my arm. I was thankful for the fire then, my grunt of pain unable to be heard above the crackle.
The element of surprise was still mine. The enemy still didn't see me. I approached.
Every step was an endeavor. I could just barely see the world in front of me, the edges of my vision dimming as it was, but I would do what was needed. I would continue forward, let the small flame build in my left hand, and insist on putting one foot in front of the other.
There were three of them. Only three of them. I'd killed more at a time before. Now would be no different.
I flexed my left hand, feeling the energy flow through even as my sight narrowed. All I needed to see was them. I wondered how long it would take for them to do the same for me. I was making no attempt to hide myself. I could feel the heat growing in the palm of my left hand, struggling to keep myself walking in spite of the pain coursing through my body.
Just when I thought they could see me, turning my general way, I found myself stopped. An arm wrapped around my shoulder, dragging me to the ground so sudden that I couldn't even think to shout before I was on the ground on my rear, face to face with the helmet of another firebending soldier, his eyes invisible in the shadow of his faceplate, though still definitely looking straight into mine.
There was a shout. Not from either of us.
When I looked away from his and towards the Earth Kingdom soldiers a second later, they were no longer there, but instead, on the ground, the silhouettes of their corpses made visible only by the fire to their backs. They were dead, replaced instead by other figures emerging from the darkness-Fire Nation soldiers.
My heart was still pounding from having prepared myself to fight, to the death if necessary. They were mine to kill.
The firebender beside turned to face his comrades in the distance, then back to me. "Got a live one here!" he shouted, directing the attention of the others towards me. So there're more, still alive. "Get him back with the rest of the wounded." The Dragon's Host still stands. "General'll want to get as many back as he can."
So Iroh was alive, and as was his host. My breathing finally began to steady as the soldier helped me up, wrapping an arm around my back, my vision still fading from the pain, barely able to keep myself awake any longer. The siege wasn't over. Not by a long shot. A small smile worked its way onto my face as I allowed my eyes to close, as I knew that I would still have my chance.
I would still have my chance to burn this city to the ground.