I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

Tonks had woken up that morning, going about her morning routine. She hoped to be able to go see Remus before work but Teddy was in a fussy mood so she ended up being very nearly late to leave for her mother's house.

If Teddy hadn't been fussy, if she had left on time, she wouldn't have been home when the owl tapped on the window.

She was always splitting her time between Alastor's house- now her house, but it still felt odd to refer to it as hers- and Remus' Dad's cottage, and it was rare for an owl to find her unless it was work or a member of the Order guessing correctly where she was.

The owl flew off the moment she untied the rolled up letter from its leg and her heart stopped when she unrolled it.

Petra's handwriting hadn't changed since Hogwarts and she hated to see it.

Darling 'Dora',

Remus still speaks of you with so much love. He wants you to join the pack, join us. We could create a new world where werewolves are respected, where Teddy will have a place... your family could rule our entire community and find us a place in the rest of society.

Remus knows you'll continue to resist.

I know you'd do anything to shield your son.

If you don't make the right choice, I will make it for you.

Remus has chosen his side, he tells me of your son's abilities. He tells me of how he wishes werewolves were equal, and I can't help but notice that the Order and the Ministry still have not shown any progress on helping the werewolves.

One way or another, we will rise. Remus will grow this pack, starting with your son if he can not have you.

Make your choice.

P.

She shoved the letter into her robe, packing up Teddy and leaving for her mother's. Her heart was pounding unpleasantly, and she felt short of breath while she said her goodbyes to Andromeda and left for the Ministry.

How had Petra known? She had always kept Teddy a secret. She tried to think back, to recall if her or Remus had mentioned Teddy by name directly to Petra during their meeting but couldn't recall. Teddy had been getting threatened this entire time, but this was the first time Petra had used his name.

She thought back to Remus' assurances that he would never tell Petra anything, but if he didn't remember the last year and a half, how could he be sure?

Dawlish caught up to her as soon as she entered the department. "We need to talk." He said, not giving her a chance to respond before leading her to his office. As soon as the door shut, he spoke again. "Harry and Neville both received visits from Death Eaters last night."

"Are they okay? Why did no one alert me? I'm their mentor, I should know-"

"They're alright. Harry wasn't home when they broke through the charms. The patrol caught them quickly." Dawlish said. "Neville was home, but he and his Nan are fine. Our patrol caught those ones too. Augusta will be moved to a more secure location."

"They got through the charms at Grimmauld?" Tonks asked in disbelief.

"I asked Harry about them, he said he felt they had been weakening for some time. Everyone who cast them has died, it's unusual for certain charms to hold after death. Especially larger protective ones. The ones around Alastor's house were also very easy to change a couple weeks ago, which is odd, as he would have made them extremely difficult to breach and you had issues when you first moved in." Dawlish said.

"They were fading because he's been dead so long."

"I believe so, yes."

"Where will they go? Do we have a safehouse for them?"

"Temporarily, yes, until we figure out how to prevent these attacks." Dawlish said. "You will be relocating with them."

"Where?"

"Paris."

"The training program will take them?" She asked. "I thought there was concerns-"

"There is, but they agreed, as long as they have a mentor with them, so they don't have to spare too much of their own Aurors' time. You will have one of their Aurors with you three times a week so the boys can get out into Paris to do some practical training. The other three days will be at the Ministry training rooms and you will get one day a week off, but it is expected that you tell the Ministry if the boys are going to be out in public so they can send a guard or two."

"How long will we be there?"

"We'll start with six months, but evaluate the situation after three."

"And my son?"

"I have arranged for a very trusted friend to watch him during training, he is allowed to go to Paris with you. However, about Remus- there has been a rise in reports of aggressive werewolves all over the country. The French Ministry will not allow him there, even if he was able to leave St Mungo's."

She nodded. "I worry he's lied to us."

"What do you mean?" Dawlish asked, leaning back in his chair.

"He acts as though he doesn't remember anything after Albus died, but there are details that keep coming up that suggest otherwise."

"Like what?"

"I told Remus about Teddy yesterday, and got a letter from Petra today. She threatened Teddy by name, and I don't believe she knew his name before because this is the first time she's used it."

"What did the letter say?"

She pulled it out of her robes, handing it to Dawlish. He read it over and nodded after a moment. "I think your best option is to leave Remus." Dawlish said. "No more visits, perhaps start divorce proceedings to make it publicly known that you're leaving him."

"But-"

"Petra will think you've abandoned Remus, and may make a move to recruit him back- if he truly isn't the new alpha. We may be able to catch her and you'll be safe in a different country in the meantime. And, in case Petra is telling the truth, you'll be separated from Remus anyway."

"I'd be doing exactly what Remus has always expected... I don't know if I can hurt him like this."

"If it turns out Remus is innocent, I am sorry to hurt your relationship like this, but marriage shouldn't be filled with fear and distrust." Dawlish said. "Especially when it involves children."

"I'm not allowed to contact Remus at all?"

Dawlish nodded. "I think it's best. Whether you make it seem temporary or permanent will remain your choice."

"What about Harry? Remus means a lot to him, are you going to tell him not to write Remus?"

"It would give away your location if he did, if Petra is spying somehow." Dawlish said.

"When do we leave?"

"You leave tomorrow, Harry and Neville are leaving in a few hours."

"That is very little notice." She said. "How do we even know Petra will know I've left 'because' of Remus?"

"I think you should go to him and tell him you're leaving him." Dawlish said. "Either he's giving information to Petra or she's spying on him. If she is spying, she'll know immediately. This could be our chance to get her."

Tonks nodded after a moment. "This could destroy my marriage."

"If she's been telling the truth, you'll be better off." Dawlish said. "If he is innocent, perhaps he will understand that you're protecting Teddy."

As Tonks left Remus' room, she finally let the tears fall.

With Harry and Neville being escorted to Paris, she had nothing to do that day and she knew it had to be now or never, especially because she would be leaving soon too.

She had to make Remus think she was leaving him, but she knew it was to protect Teddy. If Petra got arrested, if they proved Remus' innocence, perhaps she could mend the damage she had just caused.

Then again, maybe it was best. He had pushed her away so hard, he had warned her that getting involved with him was dangerous.

And it was true, everything in her life since she had married him had fallen apart. She had loved him so ferociously that she ignored his warnings and now she felt like she had been tricked.

Everyone had warned her, really. Sirius had told that Remus was no good when it came to getting close to people. Alastor told her werewolves were tricky creatures, it was hard to trust them. Her parents had expressed concern for her safety when they found out she was involved with Remus.

Yet, they had all also said Remus was different- he was kind, generous, selfless. A good man. He didn't deserve the struggles he had had in life. And here she was, adding to it.

It was what he had expected from the beginning, he had always said so. She would come to her senses, she would find someone else.

As she returned home to begin packing, she found herself halfway hoping that perhaps Remus was the monster he was being accused of.

It was better than the alternative of her being the monster who destroyed their marriage.

And I never meant to hurt you