Anna thought for a little bit on how she wanted to begin. She felt nervous and a light headache began to appear. However, she knew she would probably feel better if she told someone. Especially someone like Conny who would be there for her. 'I think first you need to know a little bit about my family and where I come from', she started. 'In the Netherlands there is a religion that has it's own community. A lot of religions had and still have that, but this religion probably has it the most. My whole family belongs to that community, I myself belonged to that community. However, it is definitely not a cult. We have our own houses, live amongst people with other beliefs and so forth. We do have our own schools, churches and social clubs. People who are in this community are scattered over the Netherlands. In some places, the people who share the same beliefs are more concentrated. They call this the 'Bible Belt'. The religion my family beliefs in is quite strict. No sex before marriage, no birth control if you are married and women can only wear skirts or dresses. People shouldn't own a television as well. On Sundays, children can only play in their own gardens or homes, not on the street and adults are not allowed to work. It differs per household how strict people actually are. For example, some people use some kind of birth control, even though it's not talked about and frowned upon by the church. Other people watch television sometimes. It seems like a very closed off community, but like I said, we live amongst other people and a lot of people have friends and coworkers outside of the community. I know some people who are not religious anymore, but are still welcome at their parents house. If I had to describe my community I would say that they're very loving, hard working, family oriented people. They don't view the rules as strict, but follow them out of their love for God. My parents however had a bit of a different take on some things. I think it's because they're older than most parents of people my age; I'm 25 now and my mother turned 67 last month; she had me when she was 42. My father was already 50 back then. My mother already gave birth to seven children between the ages of 22 and 30, after that she didn't have any other children for 12 years. I was very much a surprise for them. By the time I was 10, all my brothers and sisters were married and left my parents' home. When I became a teenager, my parents were quite strict; I wasn't allowed to go out or have hobbies outside of the different clubs in our community. That meant my violin teacher also had the same religion, for example. They also made me go to bible class. At first I really liked bible class, because I really like storytelling and history, but after a while I started to have some questions my teachers couldn't give satisfying answers to. I even had a few talks with our minister, but that didn't help much either. So when I was around 14, I felt religion wasn't something for me. I still admire people who are religious, because I see it gives them a lot of strength and comfort in difficult times and a purpose in life, but it just doesn't work for me. I never really told my parents, because I know they would be devastated and they would have probably kicked me out. Again, kicking me out wouldn't be the kind of behaviour normal for my community, that's just how my parents handle things.
From then on, I started to get more loose with some of the rules they gave me. For example, I wasn't allowed to play the guitar and I also couldn't play pop music. But when I saved enough money from my weekend job I bought a guitar. I tried to play songs I heard on the radio when my parents were out. When I got older, I recorded music from the radio on cassettes. When I finished high school, I met my two best friends; Jolanda and Bianca. Together we studied at the same college. Jolanda and I studied to be a history teacher and Bianca studied to be a primary school teacher. My parents didn't allow me to live in student housing, but they did allow me to have sleepovers with Jolanda and Bianca. Whenever I could, I slept on their sofa and we would go out. I just love dancing! Still pretty tame for a young woman, but when my parents found out they were livid. They almost kicked me out of the house. That honestly shocked me. If they would kick me out of their house that meant I not only wouldn't see them anymore, but my brothers and sisters would turn their back on me as well. Six of my brothers and sisters pretty much share the same views on life as my parents. Only my oldest sister is different; she admitted in public that she used birth control and for that, my parents kicked her out of their lives. So did my brothers and sisters. I was just a few months old back then, but when I got older my sister wrote me some letters and we started to get in contact with each other. She is a lovely woman, who lives in Australia with her husband and two daughters.
I decided to be more careful when it came to disobeying my parents; I really didn't want them to cut me out of their lives or kick me out, even though I was now an adult. I really think family is important, even though you not always agree on things. After I finished my studies, I accepted a job at a religious high school to please them. I actually really enjoyed it there; I frequently went out with a group of colleagues who were also in their early twenties. Not going to clubs of course, but bowling, going out to dinner or playing music. After working in that school for about a year, I grew closer to one of my colleagues. He also wasn't really that much into religion and we always had a lot of fun together. We went out for a year before we made love. Even though I'm not religious, I only want to sleep with someone I intent to marry one day. I thought he intended to marry me too. Some time after our relationship got more serious, I introduced him to my parents. They really liked him and were genuinely happy for me. My bond with them straightened because I had a boyfriend. That time was the happiest time of my life; a good relationship with my parents and therefore brothers and sisters, a nice group of co-workers who were also my friends, two best friends whom I could tell anything and a loving boyfriend. When Thomas, my boyfriend, and I were together for two years, we started talking about marriage. Marriage was the way for us to leave our parents' homes and build a life together. First, Thomas was really excited and we started to make plans and calculated what kind of houses we were able to buy with our salaries. After a few months, he didn't want to talk about it anymore and became very angry when I asked him why. He also didn't hang out with our friends from work anymore. He seemed busy, but I didn't know with what. However, when we spend time together, he was just as sweet as ever. I stoped thinking about it when Jolanda and Bianca talked about going on a year long backpack trip. They wanted me to come with them, but I just knew my parents wouldn't approve and I still hoped Thomas would want us to start our lives together. In februari, they left to go backpacking in Asia. When they left, my problems with Thomas came floating back to the surface. He assured me everything was fine about a week before Valentine's Day, he took me out on a romantic date. My parents were on holiday so we had my house to myself. In hindsight, the condom we used probably broke, I don't know how it could have happened otherwise. I know it happened then; before that we weren't intimate because I wanted to spend all my time with my friends before they left for their trip and afterwards Thomas became even more distant to me then before. I wanted to talk to him, but in the beginning of march I started to feel really tired and a little nauseous. It took up all my energy to finish my work. When I got home I went straight to bed. After two weeks, it got even worse and I started throwing up. At first I thought I had a stomach flew. I felt so bad, I stayed home from work for a couple of days. When my symptoms didn't go away, I went to see my doctor. He confirmed what I had started to suspect; I am pregnant. I told Thomas as soon as we were alone. I thought he would be shocked, but would overcome that. After all, we were talking about having children for months now. Maybe not this soon, but in the near future for sure. Instead Thomas went completely mental. He started shouting at me that I was a whore and that I tried to pass of someone else's child as his. He said he didn't believe me. He shouted at me he couldn't be the father because he was engaged and about to be married soon. It felt like my whole world collapsed in that moment. Thomas, my loving boyfriend, the man I had plans to be married with, was engaged to another woman. He started dating her a little before me. He said he just couldn't choose between us before, but lately he preferred being with her more. My heart broke. On top of that, I was still feeling very tired and nauseous. After I stayed home another week from work, I decided to tell my employer the truth about why I was sick. When I came in for my appointment, I quickly figured out Thomas had beaten me to it. He told our employer that we had broken up months ago. That he tried to avoid me. If I was pregnant because of him, I would be over six months pregnant instead of the nine weeks like I said I was. Unfortunately for me, my employer believed him and fired me on the spot. He said I was ruining a fine young man and that type of behaviour, harassing a colleague like that, was enough for the immediate termination of my contract. The group of work friends I had divided themselves in two camps; some believed Thomas and the three female colleagues who I was closest to believed me. In the span of a week I lost my boyfriend, my job and some friends, all while my two best friends were on the other side of the world. As you probably can tell, I wasn't glowing in the first few weeks of my pregnancy.
Completely crushed, I decided to talk to my parents about the situation. I knew they would be angry, but I thought they also loved me enough to help me and maybe talk to Thomas and try to reason with him. I thought they would be angry with him more. At first, it did seem like that. When I told my parents, they were shocked. They said I shouldn't have given myself away like that and that I was ruined forever. I expected that. They were shocked of hearing that Thomas had been in a relationship with another woman this whole time. They called him and he agreed to come to our house to explain things. My parents wanted to speak to him alone. I don't know exactly what Thomas told them, but when he left, they were livid. Not at him though, they were livid at me. They said I knew all along he was with another woman and that I seduced him. After that, I started blackmailing him that I would tell his other girlfriend if he didn't see me anymore. He also said the child wasn't his. I tried to reason with them, even wrote them a letter where I stated all the facts, but they just didn't believe me. After a few days, they came up to my room and told me that I had two weeks to leave the house. They never wanted to see me again. I called all my siblings who still live in the Netherlands, but none of them would take me in or wanted anything to do with me. I called the three coworkers who still believed me, but they were too afraid they would get fired as well if they took me in. I didn't know what else I could do. They're was no one else I could call. I went numb and just starting packing and throwing some stuff away I didn't need. Because I still lived with my parents, I didn't have any furniture or living essentials, so everything fit in my car and the roof box I had installed. When the day I had to leave came, I begged my parents to at least stay in contact with me. I love them, even after all they've said and done. My parents had made up their mind and refused. It was if I've already didn't exist anymore. I know they won't change their minds; after all, they never contacted my sister after all those years. Completely heartbroken I just started to drive. After some time I came a bit to my senses and tried to figure out where I was. I parked close to a forrest and set down on a bench to rest a little. That's when I found you Conny.' And through her tears, that had been streaming down her face, Anna smiled.