The episode starts with Don narrating. "Last time on the race around the states, Jay expressed that he and Harold have no similarities, and proceeded to call Harold a liar." "Josee quickly tried to calm her boyfriend down, telling him that Harold, was not trying to be insensitive." "Then we went off to the state of Rhode Island, for a very short, three mile triathlon." "Courtesy of her gamble of not putting on socks, Josee was able to prove, that you don't need to cheat, in order to win." "In the same challenge, Tom and Ellody lost their chance at winning." "It's getting intense, we've only got eight challenges lift until the chase, and nobody is officially locked in." "Who will put themselves in the best position to do so?" "We might find out on this episode of, the race around the states."
Intro consists of a shorter version of the final countdown.
As everyone else was in self defense class, Emma and Kitty were going out to see Alien chunks 2. "There's no denying it, once me and Noah are married, I won't get to spend as much time with you" said Emma. "We're not leaving each other any time soon, we're still in each other's hearts" said Kitty. "Sisters for life?" asked Emma. "Sisters for life" said Kitty.
Once the movie was over, they saw Harold sitting on a bench outside, talking to Jay. "I've been kind of a jerk to you lately" said Harold. "I haven't really been fair to you either" said Jay. "Let's forget that our argument ever happened" said Harold. "Agreed, let's stay on good terms" said Jay.
(Room 1- the fashion bloggers)
"Oh heck yes, the picture of us in triathlon suits, now has over fifteen thousand likes on our blog" said Tom. "Hang on a second, here's an interesting comment" said Jen. "Disneyfan27, is asking asking us what our favorite meat is." "I don't care, as long as it's from pigs" said Tom. Bacon is the best" said Jen.
(Room 5- the geniuses)
Ellody and Mary were playing chess, and Mary had just captured Ellody's queen with her bishop." "That's another stalemate" said Ellody. "This is the twenty fifth time in a row, the chances of one of us actually winning against the other, is 35.687% divided by 7" said Mary.
Confession cam- Never tell me the odds)
Mary- "Every time the two us play chess, we never have a winner." "This is what happens, when the two people that are playing, have nearly the exact same IQ."
**End confessional**
(Room 16- the ice dancers)
"Oh my God, my feet are killing me" said Josee. "Yep, not going to be able to walk again, for at least five hours." "That's a bit of a stretch, it's not as if they are broken" said Jacques. But he didn't hear Josee's response, because she immediately fell asleep.
Everyone got on the bus next morning as per usual, and they got off, at a lumberyard. "Okay, we are in the state of Vermont, the state famous for having lumberjack competitions" said Don. "I'm not looking forward to wearing women's clothing" said Spud. "Okay, i'm confused, how does being a lumberjack have anything to do with being a transvestite?" asked Don. "Don't ask me, ask Michael Palin" said Spud.
(Confession cam- I'm a lumberjack and i'm okay, I sleep all night, and I work all day)
Leonard- "How much money were those Monty Python people paid to sing that?" "Because i'm telling you, they didn't get paid enough."
Harold- "I don't how how to respond to this, seeing as how i've already been seen in women's clothing, and the fact that I am British."
Gerry in a British accent- "Well I object to all this sex on the television." "I mean, I keep falling off."
**End confessional**
"Okay everyone, let us all pretend, that this weird incident, never happened" said Don. "Let's just get on with the challenge." He then led them to a bunch of large wooden cubes, that were five feet tall, and ten feet long. "What, you thought you were going to be chopping logs?" "Oh no, this is something that takes more effort." And intern then came over, pulling a wagon full of saws. "It's very simple, first contestant to saw their way through the entire block, will be the winner" said Don.
Soon, everyone was now sawing through the wooden blocks. "How many innocent trees had to be chopped down for this challenge to be possible?" whined Laurie. "Trees are inanimate objects you idiot, they don't have feelings" said Chet. "Well I don't know about the feelings part, but it has been scientifically proven, that plants are living things" said Mary. "Going by that logic, the only refreshment than somebody can consume without harming a living creature, is water" said Jay.
3 Hours later
"Oh my God, my arms are getting sore" said Chet. "If things keep going on like this, my muscles are going to be in Jeopardy. "Nice, I love that game" said Spud. "I'll take village idiots for 400 Alex" said Jen, who was playing along with Spud's way of thinking.
(Confession cam- Daily double)
MacArthur - "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH" "OH LORD, THIS HAS GOT TO BE THE FUNNIEST THING I'VE SEEN, SINCE SIGNING UP FOR THIS SHOW!"
**End confessional**
6 Hours later
By this point, the sun was beginning to go down, and most of the contestants were almost finished with sawing through their blocks of wood. Brody was the first one to make it all the way through, with Chet close behind in second, Ryan in third, Ennui fourth, Owen fifth, Junior sixth, Jay seventh, Jen eighth, MacArthur ninth, Chris tenth, Mary eleventh, Crimson twelfth, Leonard thirteenth, Emma fourteenth, Laurie fifteenth, Miles sixteenth, Stephanie seventeenth, Spud eighteenth, Pete nineteenth, Lorenzo twentieth, Rock twenty first, Ellody twenty second, Geoff twenty third, Tammy twenty fourth, Tom twenty fifth, Kelly twenty sixth, Gerry twenty seventh, Sanders twenty eighth, Harold twenty ninth, Carrie thirtieth, Noah thirty first, Josee thirty second, Kitty thirty third, Taylor thirty fourth, Jacques thirty fifth, and Dwayne thirty sixth."
(Confession cam- Darn woodchucks)
Leonard- "My spell worked, I am currently now in the chase, by 12 points."
Harold- "I have got to make up five points and get back into the top 10, I really need those bonus points for the chase."
Junior- "Oh God, with Harold outside the top 10, this knocks me out of the wild card spot." "I really need him to make up five points, I don't think I can get a third win with how much pain i'm in."
Brody- "Okay, I've got my third win, but i'm still 169 points outside the top 20." "I am still barely eligible for a wild card spot, but time is running out."
**End confessional**
The podium ceremony was now happening. Ryan was on the third place pedestal, Chet was on the second place pedestal, and Brody was on the winners pedestal. "Congratulations Brody, for successfully sawing your way to victory, you have just won yourself, a large collection of signed photographs, from last season's New York Giants" said Don. He then turned to the camera. "Brody is trying his hardest, to mount a comeback, after missing 12 challenges due to a really bad chest injury." "Is he going to keep going up from here?" "Find out next time on, the race around the states."
Point standings
First place: Ryan, 894 points, 3 wins
Second place: Chet, 830 points
Third place: Emma, 805 points, 1 win
Fourth place: Crimson, 769 points, 1 win
Fifth place: Owen, 768 points
Sixth place: Noah, 767 points, 2 wins
Seventh place: Kelly, 764 points, 1 win
Eighth place: Laurie, 756 points, 2 wins
Ninth place: Leonard, 753 points
Tenth place: Taylor, 746 points
Eleventh place: Harold, 741 points, 12 wins
Twelfth place: Sanders, 739 points, 1 win
Thirteenth place: Kitty, 726 points
Fourteenth place: Ennui, 718 points
Fifteenth place: Tammy, 687 points
Sixteenth place: Lorenzo, 680 points
Seventeenth place: Jay, 675 points, 2 wins
Eighteenth place: Jen, 675 points
Nineteenth place: Geoff, 662 points
Twentieth place: Junior, 627 points, 2 wins
Twenty first place: Stephanie, 616 points
Twenty second place: MacArthur, 586 points
Twenty third place: Mary, 577 points
Twenty fourth place: Jacques, 533 points, 1 win
Twenty fifth place: Miles, 510 points
Twenty sixth place: Brody, 458 points, 3 wins
Twenty seventh place: Rock, 450 points
Twenty eighth place: Pete, 447 points
Twenty ninth place: Chris, 396 points
Thirtieth place: Spud, 390 points
Thirty first place: Ellody, 290 points
Thirty second place: Tom, 280 points
Thirty third place: Izzy, 272 points, 1 win
Thirty fourth place: Gerry, 258 points
Thirty fifth place: Carrie, 213 points
Thirty sixth place: Josee, 195 points, 1 win
Thirty seventh place: Dwayne, 184 points
Thirty eighth place: Leshawna, 171 points
Thirty ninth place: Mickey, 139 points
Fortieth place: Devin, 114 points
Forty first place, Dawn, 81 points
Forty second place, Lindsay, 18 points
Authors note: Many of my best friends are lumberjacks, and only a few of them are transvestites.
I do not think a challenge like this, would be logistically possible in real life. The number of trees that would have to be chopped down, is way, way, way too many to count.
As always, if you have an idea for a challenge in an upcoming state or a prize for a future challenge winner, feel free to let me know in a review.
Thank you for reading and please have a great day.
