Note: It hasn't been checked over by a beta, so I apologise for all the mistakes I've missed while editing.
Chapter 10: 'Let me peek into your heart'
Tenten yawned, barely keeping her eyes open. Her night shift was scheduled for after Ittetsu's one, and it was both too soon and not soon enough.
Kankuro looked at her with bemusement — her last yawn had been so wide and long that her eyes seemed to tear up.
"I really have no idea how I'm going to stay up," she admitted with a crooked smile.
He kept his look on her for a few moments, then he feigned a sigh, saying, "Go to sleep. I'm takin' it."
She fully turned, tilted her head playfully, and said, "You are, really?" A playful flame flickered in her eyes.
Kankuro winked at her. "Yes. And I'll wake you up for my shift in two hours."
Tenten laughed. "Pft, I thought you were taking both of them so I could sleep properly for four hours straight."
The man shook his head. "You know I can't do that even if I wanted to," he said, gaining a nod; she was still smiling.
The kunoichi knew that all of them needed to rest, and holding him up for two extra hours for purely egoistic reasons was neither right nor fair.
She sighed and slowly got up. As she often did, she stretched her arms up — she'd do that after sitting for a long time. Her movements were smooth, without even one excessive flinch. When she was done, it was time to wave Kankuro goodnight. Right after, she turned and headed to where Lee and Ino were already preparing to sleep, blankets out and all.
Kankuro's eyes followed the kunoichi until he was met by Ino's piercing, blue pools. It wasn't hard to recognise the obvious approval on her face. Anyway, he tilted his head, pretending not to understand what her expression meant, but her narrowed eyes showed him it was useless. A shiver ran down his spine — it was a reminder that there was something quite troubling about Ino. As if she could catch the slightest hints and gestures that any sane person would want to go unnoticed.
The sand shinobi shrugged, and his movement flowed swiftly into preparation for a jump. His feet shifted, getting in position to push him off the ground. In the next moment, he was flying up the tree crown and hiding in it just as fast and with ease.
He nestled comfortably into the branches and leaned on the tree trunk. His gaze observed the camp carefully, taking notice of the position of every single group member. A small smile appeared within the painted purple line on his face, followed by an almost silent "hump".
Technically, Ittetsu's shift hasn't finished yet, so Kankuro had some time to adjust for his on-guard duty. It was going to be very boring; he was certain of it. Two wide rings of traps were settled around their camp. They'd trigger and warn about any approaching danger early enough. Frankly, the guard's role — his role — was simply to be awake enough to react accordingly in case anyone stupid enough to be walking in the night forest. The hokages had picked routes that mostly excluded accidental passing, so if any trap was to be activated, it meant an intentional attack.
Kankuro shifted to a more comfortable body position; his eyes shot down again.
Karui had fallen asleep right on the spot between Chouji and Tenten long before the gathering was over. Kankuro had noticed her cheeks, bright from the wine, even before she relaxed on the ground. Ino had asked Chouji to move Karui's flaccid body when they prepared for sleep. Then she laid down beside her, making sure she was warm.
Lee, Atsui, and some of the other men were still talking around the campfire, though much quieter now, even whispering.
Ameno and Amai headed to the place where Shee and Ruka had been sleeping for a good two hours already — she was lying on the blanket with her back to him; he was sitting on the ground, his back and head supported on the tree trunk. Amai gently touched Ameno's arm and told her something Kankuro couldn't possibly hear from such a distance. He couldn't read what the message was on the lips, either. However, she turned and suddenly pecked his cheek. It was a fast and light kiss, but it probably caught Amai by surprise if the redness creeping over the man's face was any indication. Kankuro grinned, enjoying the little scenes as if he were attending a theatre rehearsal.
Ameno laid down beside Ruka and didn't move anymore, probably falling asleep by the second.
Amai stood in place for a few moments, hesitant. His head turned the pile of bags, and he headed there. When he reached them, it turned out he wanted to take a few blankets, as Kankuro realised. Folded blankets in hands, Amai returned to his teammate and the two sleeping women. He carefully covered the kunoichi's figures; Kankuro could only guess if the other man got any thanks for it.
Amai's next stop was beside Shee, where he bent down and tapped the man's shoulder; shortly after, he handed in the second blanket. Shee spread it over his frame, shifting slightly to adjust.
In the end, Amai wrapped himself in the last cloth and sat down beside a tree from the women's other side, keeping a polite distance of two feet.
Kankuro moved his sight to Kurotsuchi next. She was having a discussion with Chojuro and Ittan, which continued until Ittan got up, took his blanket, and just laid down a little aside.
Some of the men around the fire also started to prepare to rest. Little by little, everyone withdrew in the search for a suitable sleeping spot and wrapped themselves in their blankets.
Twenty minutes later, the only ones still awake were Chojuro and Kurotsuchi, who were discussing something intensely, obviously having a disagreement. In the next moment, Chojuro yawned widely and tiredly ran his hand over his face. He took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. The woman stretched out and grabbed two blankets, tossing one of them to him. He didn't wait for another invitation to wrap himself in it and relax on the ground. The man remained close to her but still kept his distance.
Kankuro assessed that Chojuro had fallen asleep right away; he wasn't so certain about Kurotsuchi, though.
His turn officially started when Ittetsu jumped down from his tree. The boy drank some water before he looked in Kankuro's direction. Smart boy, he thought, and jumped on the lower branch to signal with a wave, assuring the next shift was covered. The young shinobi nodded and only then prepared to rest.
The sand shinobi returned to his previous spot. Once again, his sharp eyes observed the people beneath him. He smiled when his gaze stopped on Ino, Chouji, Karui, and the empty place where Tenten's sleeping frame should have been. Quiet scratching made him aware that someone was climbing on the tree. A rustling of leaves behind him brought yet another merry smile to his face. His senses had sharpened the moment he hid alone in the tree crown. His attention was directed to his environment, and there was no way he would miss any purposeful or stray movements and let anyone surprise him. But Tenten knew that anyway — she was an experienced shinobi after all.
"Truth or dare, Kankuro-sama?" Her voice came just a bit louder than the quietest leaves rustling. Her body pulled up on the branch he was seated on.
He didn't flinch, nor did he even turn as he whispered back, "Let's lose the "sama", shall we?"
A huff and a hint of chuckle caressed his ears, followed by a barely audible "As you wish." Still, he succeeded in catching the mocking undertone rather easily.
"I'll go for the truth. The circumstances are a bit inappropriate for committing to a dare, don't you agree?"
Kankuro glanced at her; she nodded.
Her gaze fixated on something in the distance. A faint smile decorated her features, making her look especially jovial. She kept silent for a few moments before muttering, "Why are you trying to befriend me, Kankuro?" The question was surprisingly serious; her face turned solemn.
"I really like your almost missing sense of humour," he replied right away, refusing to let the rising tension take over both of them.
"You got somethin' against my sense of humour?" The mockery resurfaced in her voice.
"No," he said, shaking his head. "But I think you're capable of way more positivity in general. I can see that… brightness… in your eyes when you laugh." He looked at her for the first time since she'd gotten up on the tree. "When you really laugh," he added after a few moments of hesitation.
"I'm not sure what you mean," she admitted slowly, considering his words for a while. "Do you mean that I'm not laughing for real, that I'm pretending?" She raised an eyebrow.
Kankuro clicked with his tongue. His eyes quickly observed the surroundings, not forgetting for a second that he was on duty.
"More like you're… holding back." He shrugged and grabbed the branch as if to support himself. "Sometimes I think you feel guilty before the possibility of… having fun." Happiness, he corrected himself inwardly. Seeing her expression made him reconsider using this word at this particular moment. "It looks to me as if you punish yourself, as if you try to pull the reins on a horse that has just started to pick up speed instead of letting it run and enjoying yourself."
"Wha?" She blinked and tilted her head to the side; visible confusion settled on her face.
Kankuro unwillingly recalled all those little flinches and sudden droops every time she smiled for a longer period of time. It looked like the inner Tenten kicked the other one in the guts when she relaxed a bit. It was painful to witness. But one could see it only if they watched really carefully. Because Tenten was most likely doing it subconsciously. It didn't seem like she was aware at all.
"When there is a sign you may find something that could bring you joy, you pull back." He tried to explain.
"Are you drunk?" Tenten asked, and a hint of suspicion creeped into her tone.
He huffed. "Nope. Not a bit, even."
"Then I'm seriously worried," she stated firmly. "Are you trying to make me dislike you?"
Kankuro shook his head. "Just… In case I sounded harsh… I didn't, and I don't mean to offend you. Even less do I aim to hurt you."
She looked at him with narrowed hazel eyes, trying to assess his behaviour. It wasn't what she would call typical for him. Though she didn't know him too well, this didn't sound like his usual self.
"I also don't lie, in case you wonder."
"You told Ino and Kurotsuchi that you couldn't dance," she retorted.
"I've never said I can't dance." He shook his head. "I said I couldn't be bothered, which was the truth. How they interpreted it is another story."
She was silent for about a minute. When she spoke again, her eyes were closed. "You still haven't answered my question." Tenten glanced at him, aggravation peeking from within the depths of her hazel eyes. "Where's my truth, Kankuro?"
He sighed. Giving something in order to receive something was what he deeply believed in. Tenten had started to make some space in his heart, together with some of the other shinobi he'd realised he cared about. He needed to be honest with her, but to what extent? That was the question he needed an answer to right away.
"I've made… a bet with Kurotsuchi," he said a few moments later, causing her head to snap to him and her eyes to bore into his profile. She didn't ask anything but waited for him to explain. "She dared me to… compare… my personal social skills with hers." Kankuro paused, still unsure about how to continue. He used the moment to observe the surroundings once again.
"Keep going," she whispered, her body tense and her voice almost hissing.
"Each of us picked one group member for the other one. We were supposed to get close to that person, guess about what troubles them, and compare our guesses with the truth if we got any truth at all. The first one who completes the task is considered a winner."
"So, Kurotsuchi picked me?" Tenten asked carefully and received a nod. She fell silent, but from her tightly balled fists, Kankuro could tell she was distraught.
Her chest boiled with resentment, hurt, and pure anger. If the light had been better, the red colour of her face would have been visible. She needed a few minutes to come to her senses.
Kankuro was wise enough to not say a word.
Eventually, she asked, "So what do you win?"
"Well," he said with an embarrassed huff, "I won't lose, which is the important thing."
"What will happen if you lose?" Tenten insisted. Her turn in their game was already over, but Kankro knew that it was a bad moment to remind her.
"If I didn't succeed in completing her challenge… she'd be using me for a… sex toy as a one-night stand."
A glimpse of sympathy flashed in Tenten's eyes, but the temporary pity she felt for him wasn't even close to enough to let all of this go. She placed her palms on the rough bark of the branch.
"So, technically, you approached me because of a bet," she mused aloud. "I surely don't feel flattered."
The moment he told her the truth, she felt physically sick — an acute nausea rose inside her stomach. That shouldn't be true, right? The very reason he tried to befriend her was… a wager? How could she… understand such a thing?
"It's not the only reason, though," he added quietly.
"I don't know what reason you can possibly come up with, but I feel the strong urge to hit you right now." Tenten admitted.
He shot her a crooked smile. "And you can do so, right after my shift is over."
Tenten shook her head. Her hands had unwillingly started to squeeze the branch. She flinched when a little piece of bark penetrated her skin, forcing her to loosen her grip. Her fingers found the intruder and pulled it out of her palm.
"What else?" she asked in a few moments.
"Your behaviour seemed curious," he replied. "Also, I liked your sharp remarks here and there. It was enough to approach you anyway."
"That may be true," Tenten said, her voice strained and kind of hollow when she continued, "but I hope you realise how horribly… insulting it is… to be approached because of a… bet." She almost spit out the last word as if the taste were terrible. It feels like I wasn't worth it, was the thought stuck in her mind.
When she asked, she didn't know what to expect, but certainly what Kankuro told her wasn't it.
"The bet is only one of the reasons," Kankuro reiterated. "You asked me why, and I told you the truth." He tried to keep his voice firm, but Tenten could hear the little guilty note.
She shrank, tangling her hands in her lap, her gaze pointing down. "I… really… didn't…" Tenten suddenly looked more tired, lonelier, paler, and more… distant.
Kankuro checked the surroundings out before turning fully to the kunoichi and whispering, "Tenten, please hear me out." He naturally reached out for her shoulder to give her assurance of his good will, but she flinched before his fingers even made contact. Of course, he reconsidered and pulled his hand back. "I admit that the bet may have played a role in my first step towards you, but I kept coming back to you because of... you." He paused. "I like your sense of humour," he added seriously.
"The one that you stated I don't have?" She couldn't hold herself from teasing, even at the peak of a heavy and hard conversation.
The man smiled with a quiet huff. "That's the one."
Tenten glanced at him.
"I find the way you think about the important topics we've discussed really similar to my own; the points of view you show me are fascinating; your impressive weapon knowledge can't be ignored either… It's all you, not a bet. Frankly, it may be true that this" — he pointed at himself, then pointed at her — "may have started for the wrong reason, but I'm thankful for it, nonetheless."
"There is nothing between us," she snapped, hissing while copying his pointing gesture.
Kankuro saw the little opening, the moment he could use to mend their suddenly strained relationship.
"There isn't?" He frowned, but his eyes flashed playfully at hers. His lips slowly pulled in a crooked smile. "But I so much like having friends that look better than I do. And that's not easy…" He leaned in a bit and confided in her, "Have you seen how pretty I am?"
She snorted, and he grinned triumphantly. Tenten realised that she was struggling to keep her smile in. Oh, she was still angry, alright. But there was something about the way he talked to her — in his voice, his intonation, the words he used, the glow in his eyes… And also — something she just couldn't toss away — he'd told her the truth when he could simply lie.
"I'm still mad at you," she quietly confessed.
"I can see that." He shrugged. "But I'm going to make up for that soon enough. Or at least I'll heroically fail trying." He leaned in yet again and whispered half-mockingly, "It's in my area of expertise. Just think of my sweet sister and consider her savage nature. Keep in mind that she's been furious with me very often. And, you see, I'm still a whole piece and alive!"
A small smile graced Tenten's lips. A great weight had been lifted out of her chest the moment their eyes met. There was something so enchanting about this man; unfortunately, she couldn't put her finger on it. But it was something about his ability to grant a person with his undivided attention and wrap them in warmth and comfort. His whole being was claiming, "I'm here for you. I'm listening. Whatever you tell me, your secrets are safe with me."
Tenten relaxed her hands and let them lay in her lap. She looked down, keeping silent for a few minutes. Her feet swing in the air just like little kids do when they sit on something high. A sigh of resignation foreshadowed returning to the initial conversation.
"If you are so socially skilled, as you claim, did you know why I asked you about Gaara and Temari?" Tenten gave him a challenging glance before adding, "You know… the previous time we played 'truth or dare'?" Her gaze returned to the ground.
Kankuro wasn't in a rush to answer, but rather carefully chose his approach, asking, "Will you be able to handle more honesty tonight?"
"If you don't want our paths to separate tonight, I strongly advise you to refrain from lying to me," she said so quietly that he barely distinguished the words.
Nonetheless, the message was clear.
He clicked with his tongue and cautiously looked around. When he spoke, his voice was soft but confident. "Your interest in my brother, my sister, and our relations makes me think you don't have any siblings. I'll be speculating, but I think that maybe you simply wanted to understand how that relationship works for us. Am I right?"
She nodded, her feet stilled, and her chest rose along with the deep breath she took. Her body tensed as if she were preparing to enter a fight. Whatever she was about to say, it was making her anxious.
"My parents died when I entered the Academy," she started hesitantly. "Because I don't have any other relatives, the village services, responsible for orphans, made some arrangements and moved me into an orphanage." She paused. "When I finished school and got into Team 11, I was the happiest kid in the whole Konoha. Gai-sensei quickly turned into my mentor. He was so persistent and treated me with so much care and love that I suddenly had a father once again." Tenten shut her eyes, letting the memories flow freely. Her lips tugged in a smile. "He may be weird, but he took me under his wing, no questions asked. The same way he took Lee in." She glanced at her teammate, who was soundly sleeping on the ground. "I had family anew — a father and two brothers."
"Lee and your other teammate?"
Tenten nodded slowly. "My brothers… One of them, Lee, is hearty and enthusiastic. He's ready to work his ass off until he passes out, with the sole purpose of removing his flaws or turning them into favours. His dream was to prove that one can be a shinobi without the ability to wield chakra. He succeeded." Her smile was warm and proud while she kept looking at the man in question.
Kankuro also gave Lee a look — it was a different, curious look.
"And the other one, Neji…" The name was soft on her lips. "He was born with talent, and he knew it. He was also born on 'the wrong side' of the clan."
The sand shinobi tilted his head questionably.
She sighed and closed her eyes again before continuing.
"The Branch family. That's how it is called and its purpose is to protect the Main family with all necessary means."
Kankuro's expression hardened — before Gaara changed, Temari and himself were destined to be his protectors with 'all means necessary'. It was a painful period for both of them.
"Neji… He was distant, quiet, focused, and very, very angry. He didn't really want to be part of our Team 11 family because, for him, we were lower beings."
He looked at her face, catching the slightest twitch of her lips. Her voice hitched, indicating a lump forming in her throat, but he chose to stay quiet instead of sharing his observations aloud. He didn't ask anything as well, allowing her to say only what she was ready to say— not more, not less.
"Eventually, we started to get close… Gai-sensei tried hard to make us as harmonious as he could, and not only in the fights. Initially, all of the extra activities were his ideas — the gatherings, the dinners, the walks, the picnics… And let me tell you, he was adamant about us attending all of them. He demanded our presence." She'd opened her hazel eyes again, emphasising.
Tenten skittered her fingers on the bark beside her leg.
"Years had to pass for everything to feel natural. Neji started to join not only because he had to, but he actually enjoyed himself." She pressed her lips together. "The styles and abilities of Gai-sensei and Lee are exclusively similar, so Lee could profit the most by training with our sensei. So he did. Neji and I were assigned to train together, which only increased our common time."
The silence fell upon both of them again. Kankuro could sense her inner fight, whether she wanted to continue or not.
"Ten…" he whispered, letting himself call her short name for the first time. It just felt right.
Tenten lifted her hazel eyes. The colour had dulled; it was soaking up the almost-missing light, resembling a dark swamp. Her eyes could tell him stories about sadness, and loss, and pain — yet another human tragedy... She was subconsciously seeking sympathy, empathy, and maybe compassion. And she found them all in the dark pools, surrounded by purple paint, right in front of her.
Kankuro's lips pressed firmly together. He made up his mind — he was ready to give up on the information that would've probably saved him from an experience he rather didn't want to have. He was going to endure it if he could spare her feelings and keep the rest of her soul in one piece.
Once Kankuro decided what was more important for him, the words rolled out with ease. "You don't have to finish this if you're not ready. You don't have to tell me anything more. Your words are safe."
Teneten wasn't sure she wanted to tell it all until this very moment. She was certain that she was going to finish what had been started.
"It was my fault — I let him enter deep into my heart. It happened shortly after the Chuunin exams. Actually, for the exams, you came to Konoha for the first time, I believe... Anyway, he fought his cousin Hinata in the first tour of eliminations and aimed for a kill." She shook her head, refusing to dig into any details. "His second fight was with Naruto, to whom he lost. But he needed that; he needed something to shake him sorely."
She sucked in a shaky breath and squeezed her hands together.
When she continued, her voice slightly trembled. "Then his uncle finally told him the truth about his father's death, and somehow, everything fell into place." She rubbed her palms together as if to warm them up. "We were thirteen, practically still kids. Too young… Too little, even."
Tenten lifted her gaze and let it drift into the distance, unseeing. "I'm not gonna bore you with the thrills of one teenage girl." She smiled slightly, almost apologetically. "But when we turned 16, it became clear to me that between us there could be nothing more than friendship. We were coming from different worlds. Even though we trained together and went on missions with the same team, we still lived in different worlds. And his… was very demanding."
Kankuro frowned and made an attempt to ask something, but she shook her head, dismissing his questions before they left his mouth.
"I diligently suppressed my feelings, and when I turned 17, I was an expert in the area, pretending like my life depended on it… which more or less was exactly the case." She let out a desperate chuckle. "I'd even started dating, though it was very hard." A pause filled with hesitation. "It doesn't make any sense, but it felt as if I were cheating on him. It couldn't be true, of course, as he hasn't made any claims against me."
Tenten bit her lip, silencing herself. Her feet distractingly swung in the air again. It took her a good five minutes to continue. "A few more years went by, and the missions became harder and riskier, slowly going in the direction that would eventually lead to the big pinnacle…" She swallowed.
"The war…" He helped quietly and was surprised to hear that his own voice had turned hoarse.
"Yes," she nodded. Her hands clenched and balled into fists. "Before we reached the battlefield, he… confessed his feelings to me. He told me he loved me and had loved me for a long time. He expressed his readiness to stand against family so there could be us… so we could be real family."
Tenten turned her gaze to Kankuro; unshed tears glittered there, silent and ready to roll down her cheeks. The hurt written all over her face was so intense and real, that Kankuro felt it physically.
"And that was it… Next, he was gone," she finished. Her voice wavered, barely pronouncing the last word.
He hesitated but reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. The gesture was gentle, as if he were trying to calm a distressed animal. This time, she didn't flinch; it was what she needed after all — support.
Taking a deep breath, he wondered how it was possible she was still holding in her tears. Even he felt the distinctive sting in his own eyes, and he was a mere observer. A lightbulb flickered in Kankuro's head just before it started to emit a pure and bright light — a sudden revelation gave him a justified suggestion of what could be wrong with her.
Tenten's gaze shifted to the distance; her voice was barely audible when she continued, "I never accepted what happened"— and it softened more with each word —"once it was already over. And then, at the funeral… I was standing there, next to the other people, one of the many. They were all sad; most of them were crying, but I was just standing: stunned, frozen… foreign. It was as if Neji weren't the one we buried into the cold unwelcoming ground. It felt like the person in that coffin was absolutely unfamiliar, someone that I didn't have anything in common with."
She let out a sigh really slowly; painful memories rushed through her forworn soul, swirling in vivid images of the day Neji's funeral was held.
"It was as if I weren't even there... I don't even know how to describe it. It was as if I were looking at everything from above — I could see my own body, but it didn't feel like it was mine; it didn't have any connection to me... All was happening to someone else."
Silent minutes ran around both shinobi, each of them digging into their thoughts.
Kankuro had realised that she was stuck in the past. Why? There could be a few reasons. He contemplated sharing his suspicions but tossed that idea aside, claiming it to be simply stupid. She didn't need that — him analysing her. She needed someone to hear her out — to just listen. So Kankuro was going to do exactly that.
She sighed. "I'm sorry…"
"What are you sorry about?" he asked, moving his eyes from her face to the sleeping people below him..
"That I burden you with my sadness. You don't deserve to be used as an emotional trashcan."
"Don't you worry now. You needed to tell me all of this, didn't you?" Kankuro waited for a nod. "So, no reason to be sorry."
"Maybe…" she consented with an almost-there smile.
"If you want to change anything, you may begin with something small."
"Maybe what I need is a new beginning?"
Kankuro pursed his lips and didn't rush his answer. He dared to lean in and examine her features carefully, as if he were looking for something in particular.
Tenten felt a heat creeping on her neck and face; the intensity of his look made her feel extremely uncomfortable.
He pulled back a bit. And when he spoke again, his voice was quiet, soft, and thoughtful.
"Yes, you need a new beginning," he admitted, his dark eyes looking sympathetically right into hers, "but to do that, first, you need to put an end."