Here is the second part of this chapter. Temari and Shiamaru share some things that had been troubling them for some time now.
As usually, I hope you like it. And if you shared that in a comment or message, I will be glad. ^^
Chapter 11: Come And Look Into My Heart
Part 2
Temari's body stiffened.
Shikamaru let her hand slip away but didn't move his body; their shoulders were still pressed tightly together.
He didn't tell her everything — in his dream when she had agreed with him, he had taken her hand in his. Shikamaru distinctly remembered the wedding ring on her finger. When he had looked at his own hand, there had been a ring too. That was a crucial moment; it was then that all the puzzle pieces had fallen into place and he was able to see the bigger picture. He had understood that his self-imposed belief about Temari remaining just a very good friend, an interesting work partner, and the best shogi partner that he had a strong sexual desire for was far from true. Too far. His childish fallacy of self-preservation instinct had blinded him from seeing her as the woman she was. Temari was not only very suitable for him, but the one he actually wanted to have for himself — the one he wished to walk together with through whatever life had prepared for him.
After the Infinite Dream, it became clear to Shikamaru that nothing would change if he didn't take any action. So… He started to look for a loophole in their established relationship and tried to find a way to confess his feelings. Unfortunately, neither of his attempts worked as intended. Eventually, he became aware of holding himself back. At first, he imputed that to a self-preservation instinct. Later, it came to his mind that it was a simple, primal fear. He had been a coward yet again. But this time, his father wasn't there to shake him and tell him he was being one.
"What does all of that mean?" she asked really carefully.
It was time to man up; he knew that. It didn't help that he was scared to his bones. He still pulled himself together and spoke up: "It means that unconsciously, the woman, the only woman I could see myself with... is you," he admitted while letting out a breath, sounding… defeated, like he was surrendering.
"Shikamaru, what you've just told me will change our relationship… greatly."
"I'm well aware." He turned his head forward to avoid looking her in the eyes. "That's the purpose, actually."
"I know you well enough to guess you've thought this through…" She couldn't take her eyes off his face.
"I've thought through everything that depends on me," he confirmed. "What I can't completely predict is your reaction."
Temari had wanted him to do something or say something, imagining she could take it from there. But now, when he actually did, she fell mute. Seeing his expression clearly would've helped bring words out of her mouth, but that wasn't a viable option for the time being. So, instead, she closed her eyes and tried to see it inside her head: his skin, slightly tanned by the sun; the black hair, tied up above his head; his ear outline with his little earring — the very same for Shikamaru, Ino, and Chouji. She knew the history behind those earrings' symbolism, and her chest ached with both sadness and tenderness when she remembered it. Temari imagined his face with a slight blush and signs of shyness. She chose to see it this way.
She knew that on his left forefinger, along its length, existed a hard-to-see thin scar. It was practically invisible if one had never seen the wound it had come from. His finger was broken during the fight with Tayuya some time ago, during their early teenage years. Not anyone else, but Temari was the one who helped him out of that particular trouble.
Unwillingly, her pointer finger skittered over the scar. She felt the urge to make sure it was there and that it was real. And it was real, just like the fact that the man flinched at her touch. His immediate reaction was to pull away, but taking a sharp breath, he forced his hand to stay where it was.
She realised that her knowledge of Shikamaru was almost as vast and deep as it was about her brothers, her favourite two people. And she didn't mind it; she wanted to know more — as much as possible, actually. Temari wanted to continue to be there when something important happened in his life; unfortunately, she had already skipped some of those events. To be there so she could remind him to be more, that he could be more; to be there to console him when he really needed it; to be there so she could share her important moments with him... It was simple: Temari wanted him.
Even though the moment of awareness represented an important milestone in her life, she succeeded in calming her breathing and heartbeat. She wasn't really the type to dig into details while explaining her feelings aloud. Temari was certain that the man beside her, even though he was stressed out at the moment, was exceptionally smart and would understand her, even if she was just hinting. There was a way of saying she wanted to be with him without really saying it.
"Shikamaru," she said quietly, causing him to snap his head up and look at her. "I'm a woman of passion. It's very important to me that I'm desired by the man beside me… One needs to find a way of convincing me."
She had dove straight into the deep. But her words must have been enough for him to understand; she knew they would be enough.
He huffed. "You've already made it clear you thought I was not interested in women at all. So you think I'm not physically attracted to you, that is?" He looked at her with amusement. "Why?"
A smirk creeped over his lips — she could see the outlines of it, and it made her heart flutter; a heat wave started to swirl in her chest and quickly spread to all other parts of her body.
"Again, apart from never having seen you flirting or heard you talking about women," she smiled, adding, "or men—"
"I'm not that type, Temari. Nothing against the different taste, just not my cup of tea."
"Alright, got it." She laughed. "Anyway, you've never shown any kind of physical interest—" While trying to finish her teasing, some running memories forced her to suddenly go quiet.
Her head was filled with all of those uneasy moments after the war when she felt so out of place around him. Temari visualised his intense glances and looks, his more often smirks, his attempts and successful tries for deliberate touches. All of his "weird behaviour" fell right into place. He was trying to show me all along!
She breathed out an almost silent oh.
The realisation heated her face and neck, and she knew her skin was all painted red.
"The very first time you attempted to hint that you may actually have something like a sex drive..." She took a breath. What was going on with her? She was usually fine discussing sex and everything related to it. Why was she feeling like a young girl who had never been in male company?
Temari forced herself to continue: "Apart from the other evening when you told me straight-forward you were interested in women but didn't want to talk about it, it was tonight. Sayin' that thing about being fun to follow commands." She swallowed. "It was more the way you said it that made it sound like an innuendo than the words, to be fair."
The moon had shifted just a bit, and now it lightened up their faces, making the expressions more visible than a mere minute ago.
"Temari, I don't know what exactly you want to hear. I'm not sure what I'm gonna tell you will satisfy your hunger for words... " He breathed a "troublesome" under his breath before returning to the uncomfortable topic. "I've been feeling sexual desire towards you for a long time. Even before I fully understood the meaning of sexual desire, I had already felt it towards you." He smirked at her surprised face. "I gotta tell you, it scared the hell out of me when I realised what that drive was."
"But you… You've never tried to let me know..." She shook her head and started over. "I mean before the war, when we started to work together. Why didn't you… try to do something or say something back then?"
Shikamaru let out a low laugh. "I was fifteen when we started to work together." He smiled. "How were you going to react if I tried to hit on you? If I had invited you on a date? A fifteen-year-old kid...?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Temari, would you've considered me as an option back then?" He shook his head even before he finished the sentence.
Temari looked away — he was right, of course. Even at the moment, she was worried about the age difference. She wasn't sure why, as he obviously didn't care; they were both adults. His particular age aside, he was wise beyond his years.
"And you were rude, smug, and overconfident, and you were calling me a crybaby." Shikamaru looked at her from the corner of his eye. She could easily imagine a joyful flame in them. "Can you see a person like myself who doesn't like problems to go over his head?" He chuckled. "Temari, I was so terrified by the mere thought of making a romantic step towards you that I just tossed away every idea regarding the topic in the very back of my mind."
He paused, shaking his head.
"If I tried to invite you on a date, I could see three options of exit overall: you could cut me out, making me deeply ashamed, which according to your character would be easy for you and hurtful for me. You could accept an unofficial sexual relationship with a teen — almost a kid — and be in constant paranoid regret about it. You could also start going out with me officially, ignoring the gossip and the disapproval that would follow. Each of those options looked like too big of an issue at the time."
Temari nodded. He was right yet again. An annoying habit he seemed to have...
"Then Asuma was killed, and Kurenai turned out to be pregnant and alone. I took it upon myself to be there and help however I could. I was shaken enough to postpone my personal matters for better times."
"I'm sorry about all of that," she whispered. "Not about procrastination, but about your sensei."
Shikamaru grabbed her hand and squeezed. "Not your fault."
"Still…" She squeezed back. "So, you took on the role of a devoted uncle?"
"You can say that... Meanwhile, I had started to feel really comfortable with our newfound comradeship, with our friendship, and with our work together. I wasn't ready to give that up in case you said 'no'. You were, and still are, one of my best friends."
They went silent again. His hand was warm and bigger than she thought it would be. His skin was rough, as expected, but he still held her gently.
A mischievous smile danced on her pink lips.
"I could easily imagine I would've cut you out if you had invited me on a date when you were fifteen. I definitely would've made sure you couldn't look at me without a decent blush for at least a few months."
Shikamaru let out a low chuckle. "You can be mean, Temari."
She continued contemplating out loud, "I could imagine saying 'yes' for a date. But I surely couldn't imagine going for a sexual arrangement with the teen you. In my rule book, this is not only illegal, but it's immoral as well."
"Tsch…" He slid his free hand over his face while shaking his head.
Temari laughed heartily, and when she stopped, her face turned to him. He was looking at her with a soft expression.
"What's your purpose?" she asked seriously.
"My purpose is to finally man up and be honest with you." He released her hand and rested his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. "I want you to know I woke up from the Infinite Dream, realising that you are the only woman I see my future with."
She opened her mouth to contradict but couldn't let out a sound passing her lips.
"I want you to know that I'm going to invite you on a proper date; I'm going through all the trouble to convince you it's worth it to give me a chance."
"You intend on being romantic?" She raised an eyebrow in amusement.
"If I must, I suppose I could be," he replied in a beat.
"The way it sounds, you are almost asking me to marry you." Temari said it mockingly and chuckled.
"No." Shikamaru shook his head. "What I'm doing is notifying you that I'm going to propose marriage to you if you'd let me get there." He paused. "If you don't cut me off beforehand, that is."
"Hold on!" She snapped, causing him to lift his body upward.
He spoke, the words barely audible: "You're already saying 'no'?"
"We still haven't gone on a date... Aren't you rushing a bit, planning marriage?" It was Temari's turn to place her elbows on her knees and lean forward.
Shikamaru let out a sharp breath. "Just think about it... We've spent so much time together; we've eaten breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. We've worked together; we share the same love for the world and our place in it, as well as the same vision for the direction of development and values. We've travelled together; we've saved each other's lives... For fuck's sake, we've fought in the war side by side."
Temari listened carefully. Her eyes bore in his face; his words reached her almost sober mind, sinking in. People got together and made families with a lot less than they already had in common. He had indeed grown up, turning into a man she liked very much. And Shikamaru... was yet again many turns ahead of her. After all, Temari was wondering if she should admit to liking him, and he was already explaining why they should spend their lives together.
"Why didn't you invite me on a date straight after the war? Why did you wait until now? A year later?" She gazed at the trees ahead, in a way lifting the pressure on him.
"Why didn't you invite me on a date straight after the war? Why did you wait until now? A year later?" She gazed at the trees ahead, in a way lifting the pressure on him.
Really, a year had passed since the war ended. It felt as if someone clicked with their fingers, moving everything ahead of time. It was all because of the work that had to be done for the people. The villages were destroyed during the fights, so they needed time to restore their basic functionality. And only then had the kages decided to do a memorial, creating those rituals.
"I sensed your discomfort around me and your desire to pull away. I'd started to think I was already too late, and you have chosen a man in Suna to be with. Though I couldn't really ask you that, could I?"
"And how come you're all fearless now?"
"Ino..." he replied, laughing. "She knew… I never told her a thing, but she knew it all. She told me you were not romantically involved with anyone, even though I didn't ask her anything. But she was adamant that it was time for me to 'buck up' and 'man up." Shikamaru nudged her lightly with his shoulder. "Then your brother came along and told me pretty much the same."
"Kankuro?!" she asked and looked at him with wide eyes.
"Kankuro," he confirmed.
Temari sized him up, trying to see him well in the dark and the shadows. The warmth his proximity was bringing her was a wonderful sensation.
"It seems," she said, "we have too many matchmakers."
"That's how it seems, really," he admitted. Shikamaru chuckled before switching to a more serious and quiet tone: "Anyway, I don't expect you to give me an answer right away. I wanted—"
"To let me know. I understand."
He breathed out a quiet yeah. "Temari—"
She looked him straight in the eyes with a cheeky smile on her lips. "Shikamaru…"
He shut up immediately, as if he had forgotten what he was about to say.
"You state that you liked me for a long time, both my mind and my body, right?"
"Your soul included," he corrected. "But keep going, please, by all means."
"My soul included, you say..." The words had been breathed out in a way that made his body hair stand up in fearful anticipation.
"Yeah?" He sounded uncertain.
Her eyes moved down to his lips. They weren't too thin or too fleshy, nor were they too big or too small; they were just perfect for his face. Temari found the urge to touch them really hard to overcome.
She sucked in a breath and tried to vocalise her initial thought. "For someone who had been sexually attracted to me" — she paused — "for the last five years, your self-control is really to be praised."
"Are you questioning my abilities to keep an attitude or are you challenging me, Temari?" His voice was suddenly low, almost hoarse, with a warning audible in it. His eyes stared at her lips for a few seconds.
"I thought it was obvious..." she teased, whispering.
Time has stopped for the next few moments.
When Shikamaru finally dared to move again, his movements were deft and purposeful. He grabbed her by the waist, lifted her, and seated her in his lap. The hand on her back prevented her from moving away, while the other one went up and laid over her cheek. His thumb slowly and gently caressed her lower lip, which he knew was painted pink, even though he couldn't see it.
Temari watched how his eyes changed even in the lack of light: they darkened and his pupils dilated in obvious longing, turning into two all-consuming black holes; they pulled her in. There was no mistake — he wanted her.
After shaking off the initial shock of his bold actions, she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned towards him. The next moment, their lips met, but very gently and with caution; his were incredibly tender, a true reflection of the emotions that lay behind his words. Shikamaru's feelings were strong enough to force him out of his way, out of his dream for an uneventful and timid relationship, and trample all over his precious comfort.
Temari tilted her head, letting her lips adjust better to his.
He released a sigh of relief as if he had been holding back for a long time, which was actually the case.
Shikamaru pressed her body against his and finally let his eyes shut, leaving the sensation to draw him in and even drown him. He returned her kiss with the readiness and passion he had been suppressing for so long that it was impossible to keep under control anymore under these circumstances.
She carefully sucked in his bottom lip between her teeth, gaining a surprised yelp-like sound out of his throat. Temari smirked, his lip still between her teeth.
Shikamaru was a man of words and detailed planning. But maybe his spontaneity needed some practise.
The kunoichi pulled away, interrupting their kiss, and looked into his now wide-opened eyes. She got up and almost felt sorry for him as his face frowned with confusion. However, the unhappy grimace disappeared the moment she sat back on his lap, this time straddling him. Her mouth was on his once again; her fingers stroked his broad shoulders and slid up to his nape, burrowing into his hair. A second later, his hair tie snapped, letting the black locks spill over his neck and shoulders.
"You've got no idea how long I've been wanting to do this," she breathed against his lips.
"You should've just asked me, woman," he replied, wrapping her body more tightly within his arms.
"Shikamaru," she said, serious, "I'm bothered; I haven't lost my mind."
She chuckled, her words causing an invisible blush on his cheeks. She had actually admitted that he had an arousing effect on her.
"You would've never let your hair loose for me if I had just asked you."
He smiled. "You're right… I wouldn't have," he agreed, his breath heaving.
"Maybe if I've bribed you..." Temari smiled and dipped down to bite his lower lip again, tugging it lightly. She was pleasantly surprised by his quiet groan. Feeling emboldened, she let her tongue slide over the inner side of his upper lip.
His body shivered, reacting to her ministrations. Shikamaru's hands clenched, fingers digging deeper into her flesh — it was a sign that he surrendered, leaving himself at her mercy to lead him wherever she wanted with the speed she chose.
Naturally, they deepened the kiss. Temari pressed more into his body without fully realising it. His scent, the eagerness with which he was responding to her, the quiet noises and sighs she was able to coax out of him... All of her doubts flew away.
Through the dizziness of the passion, she was still able to notice that Shikamaru was stroking and caressing her back, nape, and hair, avoiding touching her anywhere else. It was as if he were scared to do so... It was an easily solvable problem. She grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her thigh — that was the most clear permission she could think of.
"Temari…" His voice was slightly shaking, apart from being low and hoarse.
"Shhh," she hushed him, a finger on his lips. "It's all right," she assured him.
He pulled his hand away and set it on her shoulder. Gently, he pushed her back while trying to calm his ragged breathing.
"Temari…" His throat was dry, his lips were swollen, and she knew they should have her pink lipstick smeared all over. It seemed talking was hard for him at the moment, but he was still determined to speak. "I didn't tell you all of that just to… have my way with you."
"Of course you didn't." She chuckled. "I don't think you are able to do such a thing."
"I need you to know this isn't what I want," he said, shaking his head.
An awkward silence fell upon them. Temari frowned, trying to understand what he meant. He couldn't possibly speak about not wanting to have sex with her; that would be simply a lie. There was something else she was missing, or he didn't express it properly due to the new and weird circumstances.
She smiled and, with a half-hidden mockery, asked, "Don't you want to have your way with me?"
Shikamaru swallowed and closed his eyes for a bit. He desperately needed to lose sight of her hypnotic teal pools. Not wanting to have sex with her?! If his intentions about the whole conversation were less than what they were and the remains of his almost shattered self-control broke, she would've been on the ground already. His body would've pinned hers down in less than three seconds, and her vest would've already been torn apart. But… this was not a one-night stand; he wanted to approach her body with respect and love, at the right time, and in the right way.
When he spoke, his breath was short, and his voice brought shivers down her back: "At the moment, this is my strongest desire, Temari."
"Right." She breathed out.
"I'm sure you can see and feel that." His tone was a bit edifying, which amused her.
"Then?"
"We can't," he said.
"What's the problem if we both want it?" she asked. "Judging by the condition we both are in, it won't take long, anyway."
He eyed her seriously.
"I want us to do this properly — all of it. I don't wish to just have quick sex in the forest. Especially not the first time I'm having it with you."
Temari raised her eyebrows and tilted her head.
"And I don't think you want this either." He gestured around. "To look around constantly for anyone that may see us? To rush through it because someone may come look for us?"
Temari burst out laughing and brought her head closer, placing her forehead on his. Oh, she was possessed by passion and wanted him right here and now, but... He is right; she almost spit out the last word, even in her head. It was the third time he had been right in the last few minutes.
Shikamaru was logical and well-balanced in his bones. He had made up his mind and wanted to get a wife out of this, not a woman for casual sex.
Thinking about it, she'd rather like their first time together to be something else than a quickie under the trees during a mission. She wanted to have dates with him, be able to hold his hand in public, and kiss him, along with all the other things they were already doing together as friends.
Temari gave him a warm smile, which turned into a mischievous one in the blink of an eye.
"Shikamaru," she whispered.
"Temari?" He still had trouble restoring his normal breathing but looked determined.
"You still haven't asked me out on a date."
He pulled back a bit, sighing. So, she wants to play it this way... His face took on a formal expression, and he cleaned his throat.
"Temari, would you go out on a date with me?" he asked.
Tasting a teasing opportunity, the woman chuckled. "You see, that depends."
He was silent while carefully observing her.
"On what it depends?"
She leaned in, her lips almost touching his ear, when she whispered, "On that if you're able to make my head spin in the next minute."
Shikamaru bore his gaze into her teal, sparkling eyes. Yet another challenge — she knew it was hard for him to resist her, but she was still provoking and testing him. Temari was good at challenging him, and that was one of the things he loved about her.
He nodded curtly, accepting.
Lifting his hand, he skittered his fingertips on her collarbone. Temari's head fell back, and a ragged breath exited her chest and left her lips. His other hand was immediately right behind her nape, supporting her. The next moment, his fingers were replaced by his mouth. He kissed his way torturously slowly up her neck towards her ear. His lips pressed and nibbled, and he sucked lightly, leaving almost invisible red on her skin underneath a wet path. Her senses screamed both for more of it and to stop him because it was too much. When he bit on her earlobe, she couldn't suppress a quiet moan. Temari had forgotten where they were and why they were there. She was solely focused on the sensation his lips were creating.
"Temari..." he whispered, a hot breath making her shiver uncontrollably; he smirked.
"Mmhm…?"
"Would you go out on a date with me when we reach Konoha?"
His voice was low, husky, and so… sexy in her ears. There was no way she would've refused him.
A smile blossomed on her lips as their eyes met. The moon lightened her beautiful face, letting him see her clearly. She nodded, keeping the smile on. "Definitely."