Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Cause and Effect
Cause and effect is a relationship that connects events as long as certain criteria are satisfied:
1. The events occur in the same place and at the same time.
2. Immediately after the first, the second event follows.
3. The second event wouldn't be likely to occur unless the first took place.
Sakura was clean. It was a very small detail amongst awful circumstances. But it bugged me. No blood. No cuts or bruises. Her clothes weren't torn or stained. Standing in front of the bridge builder with a kunai held tightly and defensively, she looked more like a statue than a person. Hell, even Tazuna appeared more disheveled than her.
"What's going on?" Sakura asked as I approached; the sounds of battle serving as a soundtrack. My knees felt wobbly. However, every step I took that didn't end up in a loss of balance gave me more confidence. I screwed up. That was alright… It didn't feel alright. And before… losing myself, I had been… How many? How many had I taken out? I tried to recall. But I couldn't move past Mohawk.
"Still fighting. I think we got most of Gato's men, but it's not over yet". I grumbled absentmindedly; dragging myself into place to guard Tazuna's right. My body didn't feel right. It was familiar but not mine. Sort of like driving a rental car. You understood the mechanics, however; nothing was set to your preferences. There were too much energy and too many thoughts circulating around. A type of agitation that signals a need to calm down. Though doing so felt more daunting than the bloodbath taking place further down the bridge.
They were a good distance away, Sakura and Tazuna. Close enough to make out outlines. Though far enough not to see distinctive features. Meaning it would be hard to be caught unaware. One kunai, I counted; checking my holster. My left hand dug into my back pouch. "Are you hurt?" Tazuna asked.
Distracted, I shook my head. No shuriken. Some ninja wire (not that it'd do much good on a bridge) and… My hand wrapped around the little plastic bottle of hand sanitizer I always keep on my person.
"Then…" Sakura spoke slowly, squinting her eyes at me. "Why are you here?"
Taking in the bloody state of my hands, I frowned. There was too much red. Hand sanitizer wasn't going to help me. I needed soap. And a lot of it. Then, I interpreted Sakura's question. My hand released the little bottle and my head turned to glare at the other girl. "Chakra ran low".
Sakura met my glare with narrowed eyes. "Uh-huh".
"As someone who hasn't done anything, keep your opinions to yourself". A fire sparked in Sakura's eyes as she gripped her kunai even tighter. Some of my agitations lessened. "Must be nice. Not having to carry your own weight".
Sakura forgot herself as she took a step in my direction. On principle, I refused to budge. She opened her mouth. Ready to tear me a new one. Except nothing came out. Why? Because it was difficult to counter my argument when I was covered in the bodily fluids of my contributions and she wasn't. Sakura was left glowering open-mouthed as she racked her brains for anything to refute me. At least Sakura was honest.
Snorting, forcing humor even though I felt none, I said straight to her face, "Pathetic".
A heavy hand fell on Sakura's shoulder before she could retort. "Hey, you're supposed to be guarding me, remember?" Tazuna intervened. His voice was soft for Sakura; his eyes were hard as he stared at me. An occurrence that at least felt familiar. Current people aside.
Further towards the center of the bridge, screams and loud exclamations could be heard. With a huff, Sakura faced forward once more. I did the same; withdrawing my last kunai and tracking an orange blur with my eyes.
"I used to beat you, you know", Sakura said after a moment; refusing to look at me. "At the academy. During spars and in tests".
My muscles felt less tense now and my breathing returned to a normal rate. Funny given the current circumstances. "If that's what you need to tell yourself to feel better, go ahead". Sakura wasn't wrong. Before Shibi, she did win our matches and answered more questions correctly than me. But conveniently Sakura forgot the times post-Shibi when she flinched whenever she had to enter the ring with me. Test scores were more random since Sakura really was a good student.
"Sasuke! You jerk. I was handling it!" Naruto's voice reached us. Guess that means Haku and Sasuke officially made it to the middle.
"I'm just as good as you", Sakura continued. It felt like her grating voice siphoned off some of my nervous energy. "I could've fought". Tazuna loudly shifted his weight behind us.
"There's still time", I challenged; keeping a weathered eye out for the battle ahead. "Go on. Go fight".
"Kakashi-Sensei told me to guard Tazuna". Sakura's response was almost immediate.
"It's okay. I can do that".
"Shinobi rule fifteen-"
"Hasn't stopped you before", I interrupted. The sounds of combat were starting to dwindle. "Convenient to start obeying the rules now". Sakura snapped her head in my direction. A put-out scowl on her face. I feel better. Grounded.
A battle doesn't end when the other side surrenders. Nor does it end when the last enemy fell. If anything, fighting stopping was just the halfway point. I was on weapon retrieval duty. A grizzly chore that required pulling blades from corpses. Sometimes this meant coming across goons who, while incapacitated, were still breathing. Haku or Kakashi handled those with a sort of ease and nonchalance that was numbing. Which summed up how I was trying to feel. Except I couldn't shake the nagging ache in my bones from chakra exhaustion. Nor could I ignore how tainted everything felt; making things appear foggy.
"Gato wasn't amongst them", Haku observed as they trailed behind me. I had a small armload of shuriken and kunai as I listened. Soon, I'd have to dump them where Sakura was sorting through them. Carry too many and I'd risk accidentally nicking myself. Considering they were used blades; a small cut might as well be a biohazard. But I lingered. What would they say? What were they planning on doing next?
"Our mission is to protect Tazuna and his bridge", Kakashi stated; cool and relaxed as he squatted to check a body for a pulse.
"Understood", Haku replied as Kakashi rose, ready to move on. Naruto and Sasuke moved in between them. Working together, they carried a body off the bridge. That was their job; removal. The goons couldn't stay on the bridge. Disposal was necessary. Otherwise, they'd attract wild animals. We couldn't just throw them into the water and be done with it either. One or two wouldn't have mattered. But all of them weren't worth the cost of pollution. I wasn't sure what the final plan was Burning or burying. Either way, it wasn't my decision to worry about.
Haku stared after Sasuke and Naruto; the wind rustling through the loose strands of his hair. Keeping my eyes on him, I knelt and pulled two senbon from some guy's neck. "I'll depart once we've finished here". Haku announced, his voice all business as he refocused on Kakashi. "And reconvene after the target is taken care of". Haku spoke coldly. Clinically. Not at all like the boy I've observed over these last few days.
Shuddering, I headed in Sakura's direction; ready to put down all the weapons I found. "Just reconnaissance", Kakashi advised as I walked away. "Proceed if able, but avoid risk". Kakashi talked differently to Haku than he did to us. More like a peer and less like a headache.
Now, Sakura had blood on her hands. Not from fighting, but from cleaning. She had two piles going as Tazuna wandered behind her; taking stock of his bridge. One pile for the weapons we thought were ours and one for the weapons we knew weren't. I dropped everything I carried in between them; limbs clumsier than they ought to be.
Frowning, Sakura looked up from a kunai she was assessing. "You could sort them", she suggested before I turned away.
"You're right", I said with a certain lilt in my voice that had Sakura bristling. "Don't know why it didn't occur to me. Of course, I should do your work as well as mine. Makes perfect sense".
"That's not what I meant", Sakura glowered as a scarlet color rose to her cheeks.
"Wasn't it though?" I threw over my shoulder as I went back to work. My steps felt lighter and I relished in Sakura making it so easy.
Muffled cheers and celebration could be heard from the house behind me. I sat alone on the attached dock. One foot bent with my arms wrapped around it. The other stretched down so my big toe could skim the water. Why couldn't I calm down?
Chin resting on my knee, my fingers drummed an empty pattern on my clothed calf. "Another round!" Tazuna's voice sounded from inside his house. He was the only one enthused as he was the only one drinking. I think Kakashi may have pretended to partake. But with his nose buried in his book, no one was fooled. My eyes were skyward; looking at stars I usually couldn't see because of Konoha's street lights. It felt like my skin was crawling despite not having an itch.
Hours had passed since the battle on the bridge. Clean up was over; bodies properly disposed of, salvaged weapons wiped clean and sharpened, Tsunami had our clothes washed and hung on the line, and I had bathed. Twice. Still, I felt unclean.
Naruto and Sasuke didn't seem to have the same problem. They were inside with Sakura and the rest. I could make out Naruto's voice from time to time. With Inari as his audience, he was happy to describe what happened. As heroes, we did this. Because we're heroes, no one had to worry about nasty old Gato any longer. He was… being normal.
So were the others. Or at least, they were projecting normalcy. Sasuke didn't say anything throughout dinner. Normal. Sakura picked at the boys regarding their manners as she tried to get Tsunami to let her help. Normal… mostly. Sakura went out of her way to not look at me. Her uncomfortableness made it easier to ignore this tainted sensation sticking to my skin. Why though? I washed, used hand sanitizer, and the bloodshed was well behind us by now. Why was team seven acting normal and I couldn't? This was because I screwed up, isn't it? That had to be it. It was the only difference regarding this morning between me and them that I could think of. I failed and they didn't. They get to feel like they always do, and I get to feel like I took a bath in pond scum.
"Lovely night", Haku said. Successfully announcing his presence. My head snapped in his direction. Haku stood on the dock a short distance away; wearing the same clothes from this morning. A serene smile graced his face as he acted unaware of the dripping sack held by his left hand. "I enjoyed the trip back. The starlight made it pleasant".
I couldn't remove my eyes from the dripping sack. It bulged around a round shape. As if carrying a bowling ball. "You're really creepy. You know that, right?" Haku hummed in response; waiting. Exhaling through my nose, a question formed on my lips. "So, it's over?"
"Gato's base of operations is clear", Haku answered. "He sent most of his hired men to the bridge. It didn't take long to cut down the ones remaining". Haku said all this as calmly as he had been when discussing the night sky. He was a horror film villain in the making. "Gato even less". Haku finished, gesturing dripping sack. Situational context told me enough that I didn't need to guess what was inside.
Still, it had to be asked. Pointing to the bag, my voice came out disconcerted. "And you brought that with you because…"
The light emitting from the kitchen window illuminated Haku's clear complexation as he blinked at me; believing the answer to be obvious. "Most clients like to have proof of success".
Right, because Tsunami would want Gato's disembodied head in her house. Perhaps Inari would like to use it as a football. My stomach churned and that disgusting feeling I've been trying to wash away came back. This feeling and I weren't strangers. I felt it after my more hands-on assignments from Ibiki. And then on the bridge. Except, I hadn't vomited on the bridge. That was a first… It was also curious. Surely, killing was worse than extracting information. Logically, I should've been very very sick after… the bridge.
How did people, ninja, deal with this feeling? My eyes became fixated on Haku. As if I'd be able to find the answer printed on his forehead.
"Did you eat?" Haku asked. Still not paying as much attention as I think he should to the dripping sack forming a puddle on the dock.
Distracted, I waved a hand in the direction of the kitchen. "Tsunami fried some fish. There's probably still more-"
"But did you eat?" Haku interrupted.
The nonsensical questioning had my mind slowing as I searched for a pattern. "Yeah. I ate".
"Good", Haku replied. Except he didn't seem pleased. "Water", he moved on. "Did you drink? Dehydration after extraneous activity can cause…"
How dumb does he think I am? I asked myself; tuning out Haku. The battle on the bridge was hours ago. Of course, I drank water since then. And yet, Haku made it sound like I'd been sitting here; wallowing this whole time.
"… And the human body needs about three liters a day".
"I had water", I interjected before Haku could add anything else.
"Good", Haku's smile fell away as he pressed his lips into a thin line. "How's your shoulder?"
The answer hit me suddenly and fiercely. Like when you find yourself being pelted in an unexpectant rain storm. Haku was a mother hen. He nagged and coddled people as his way to deal with… with his shit. "I'm fine", I stated; noticing the lack of satisfaction in Haku's expression. "But Sasuke's having a rough time", I lied through my teeth. "He just can't calm down".
Haku brightened considerably. Almost looking like a star himself. "I'll check on him", Haku promised. As if I begged him to; the serene smile back in place. With calm even steps, Haku moved towards the door. Curious, I climbed to my feet to follow. What if it wasn't just Haku using old behaviors to deal?
"Ah! Welcome back", Tazuna greeted as soon as he spotted Haku in the doorway. His words were both slurred and boisterous. Prompting a fond and humoring head shake from his daughter.
Kakashi looked up from his book; lone eye zeroing in on the sack Haku held. "No complications?" He asked as Haku moved further into the kitchen and I allowed the door to close behind me.
Haku shook his head. Though he only had eyes for Sasuke. "Mission complete. Gato is dead along with the rest of his men". As if it were a tennis ball in a sock, Haku swung and dropped the sack on the table in front of Tazuna. It shook the table and made Tazuna's empty bottles rattle.
Both Tazuna and Inari flinched while Kakashi sighed. Like he disapproved. Not that Haku noticed. Once free of the sack, he glided around the table until he could occupy the empty seat next to Sasuke. "How are you?" He asked; cutting off whatever conversation Sakura was trying to have with the boy.
Sasuke, in his usual fashion, said nothing. Choosing instead to stare banefully back at Haku. Fascinated, I took a step closer. Meanwhile, Tazuna rolled down the sides of the bag to see what was inside. "I wouldn't do that", Kakashi warned with lackluster; turning a page in his book.
Inari watched his grandfather's every move; not blinking and ignoring Naruto who was still pushing the hero rhetoric on him. "It's normal to feel out of sorts after a first kill", Haku could be heard in the background. Soon followed by Sasuke letting out an indignant grunt. "Do you need to talk about it? Did you eat enough?"
However, Sasuke's response was drowned out by Tazuna's booming yet choked, spluttering laugh and Inari's squeal of surprised disgust. Now, almost as if it were a centerpiece, Gato's blood-stained head sat on display; its eyes still open. At the sound, Tsunami whirled around to see what was the matter. She wasn't disappointed by what she found. Though, she didn't turn green or squeamish. Instead, she frowned and scowled. "Dad, not on my table!" Seems like the people of the Land of Waves saw were more used to gruesome sights than I originally suspected.
Kakashi turned another page. Naruto pointed an aggressive finger at Gato's head before Inari could recover, "See! Us heroes took out the bad guy for you!"
On the other side of the table, Sasuke leaned as far away from Haku as he could without falling out of his chair. "Leave me alone", he growled out, grinding his teeth.
Haku's stupid smile was genuine and gentle; seemingly unbothered by Sasuke's unwelcoming attitude. "It's alright. There's no shame in fear".
Sasuke's hands twitched. Probably ready to strangle Haku, I'd imagine. Sakura grew offended on his behalf as I moved further into the room; coming to stand right next to the table. "Sasuke's not scared of anything". She declared; crossing her arms and offering Haku a challenging, slightly territorial stare. Though taking such a stance prevented her from noticing the frustrated glare Sasuke gave her in thanks.
I get it, I thought; looking at everyone in the kitchen. We all had our own ways to deal. It wasn't that everyone else was unaffected. Kakashi had his book. Naruto, his need for attention. Tazuna and his booze. Haku needed to care for others. Sasuke… Well, I don't care what Sasuke's thing was. But what was my thing? What makes me feel better?