Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Deception
Knowledge can change behavior. If someone knows they will be judged based on their ability to run a mile, they may practice before the day of judgment. If someone participating in an experiment knows the study is about implicit bias, they may base their answers on what they believe the scientist wants to hear or what they believe will paint them in a good light. Therefore, some experiments design a deception. Participants are given false information or purposely misled so their reactions and responses can be observed without the participant guessing what the researcher wants to see.
The chunin exams were the only thing people talked about. Ibiki's fake test and Anko's Forest of Death campout took top priority. Only Shinobu was allowed to tap out. And only when some poor sap had information that needed spilling.
It was similar at home. Every dinner conversation held around our now full table was the same. "My youthful students worked hard today", Gai praised. Even though none of his team was here to receive it. "Lee's tenacity will get him far. Tenten's precision with her weapons has grown in spades. And Neji's a better team leader now that he's had more experience". Gai paused and rubbed the back of his neck. I made a note of it. He was less exuberant at meal times. As if somewhere down the line, someone pounded manners into his skull. "They're ready for the exams. But I worry."
Anzu reached around a serving platter to rest her hand on top of his. "You taught them. So, they'll be fine", she assured in earnest. Gai beamed. I wanted to gag.
"Team seven is ready too!" Naruto said around a mouthful; bowl raised in front of his mouth. Bless small mercies. That bowl is the only reason we couldn't see his half-chewed food. "Kakashi-Sensei's been making us run drills and Iruka-Sensei tested us in secret. But I beat him. No problem. Just like we'll do in these exams. Believe it!"
Gai frowned as I turned a page to make another note; pausing between writing characters to take bites of food. Tonight's fare was surprisingly edible. Some eggy rice dish with a side of vegetables Anzu tried to copy from work. "The rookies have been genins for less than a year". Gai gave a rueful shake of his head. "I don't know what my eternal rival is thinking". Their disagreement in teaching styles played out obviously on his face. Even Naruto picked up on it.
He began to bristle. "It's not just team seven", I broke in before Naruto could defend his teacher's honor. Or some other bullshit like that. Besides, it made Anzu happy when I joined in. And spared me from a later lecture about being more social. "Team ten and team eight were nominated too". Meaning Asuma and Kurenai were equally as guilty of whatever mistake Gai believed Kakashi had made.
Gai's concerned expression deepened. Though I knew this wasn't news to him. "How do you know that?" Naruto asked. Slightly calmed as he lowered his bowl.
Shrugging, I took a bite to afford myself time. How did I know? Because I saw it a lifetime ago in a TV show where all this crap was fictional. Swallowing, I answered, "Chouji and Shino told me". Both boys had found me in the village and asked if I'd be taking the exams alongside them. "But I already guessed that. Why else would Ibiki-Sensei stop sending me to train with the teams if they weren't preparing for the exams?"
In a rare moment, our table was silent. The occurrence had my pencil stilling as I took the time to study everyone present. Gai sat back in his chair; arms crossed and a thoughtful look cast in my direction. Crap. As a doer, seeing Gai think felt like a warning sign. Anzu matched his expression with chopsticks poised in front of her mouth. Though I wasn't worried about what she thought. A thinking Anzu wasn't abnormal. Half of what I said about my shinobi life provoked the same expression. The only one not overtly thinking was Naruto. Instead, he stared at me expectantly; waiting for more.
Still holding my pencil, my hand rotated until it lay horizontal on top of my current page. They… They all listened to me… at the same time. I held their attention. As if conversing without plain motive was truly that easy. Damn it. Maybe I needed a section in this notebook on myself. It would be data fraught with personal bias and completely useless for interpretation. But clearly, there were things I didn't know about myself. And that was dangerous.
"Why can't you train with us?" Naruto asked when I was quiet for a little too long.
It took a couple of breaths to keep my features schooled. "So I can't learn everyone's secret moves and tricks or anything they've practiced for the exams". Smirking down at the contents of my bowl, I traded my pencil for chopsticks.
Sitting straight, I knew Gai got it at once. Naruto and Anzu needed more. Face scrunching, Naruto peered at me through narrowed eyes. "Why can't you know what we're learning?"
"Why? Because if I know what you can do, I can train to counter you". Still, Naruto was missing the last piece. Though Anzu seemed to catch on; staring at me with an expression caught between pride and disappointment. She didn't like it when I messed with Naruto's head.
Deciding to spare our neighbor from having to ask, I continued. "Ibiki-Sensei signed me up after the fact". Gai stiffened. No doubt wondering what Ibiki was thinking. I was unmotivated. Lacked leadership and cared little about promoting Konoha's strength. Which could be defined as the furthest thing away from Konoha's ideal chunin. "There was a genin team missing a third. Ibiki-Sensei volunteered me. Said I was a better option than not being able to take the exams at all".
Gai visibly flinched. His expression pained as he experienced an emotion I wanted no part in. Especially since I was lying through my teeth. People needed to know I was entering the exams. Otherwise, they'd find it strange when I showed up on test day without ever mentioning it. Everyone who knew me would still be suspicious. I wasn't subtle with my career-genin aspirations. Hence the little story about Ibiki offering me up as a last resort. But even then, come test day, Shikamaru would probably figure it out.
"That's great, Rion", Anzu tried to encourage. Though it was half-hearted. She knew me well enough that she knew nothing could be said to get me to agree. "Now you won't fall behind your friends".
As the only non-shinobi at the table, Anzu didn't hear the hidden implications like Gai and Naruto did. "Isn't T&I running the exams?" Gai asked.
"Some of it, yeah", I answered. Playing it calm and cool.
Abruptly, Naruto stood and pointed a finger in my face. "You're cheating!"
"I am not".
Instinctually, Naruto didn't believe me. "You know what's going to be on the exams. That's not fair!"
"Relax", I complained; rubbing at my ear when Naruto reached a painful octave. "Ibiki-Sensei's been giving me a laundry list of errands every day since we got back from the Land of Waves so I don't learn anything. I know just as much as you do about those exams".
Lying to Naruto had always been easy. Gai though, was a new entity. As a jounin, he should be able to pick apart everything wrong with my performance. But despite his rank, Gai was a genuine guy. As such, he placed himself in a league of his own. With Naruto appeased and returning to his seat, I used my peripherals to study the green beast.
He appeared bothered. But not in the way I feared. "You're not training with the other rookie genin. Ibiki is busy organizing the exams. Are you training with your new team?" Gai asked.
"Temporary team", I corrected; finishing off the last bits of food in my bowl. "And no. I haven't met them yet". I couldn't. Why? Because they don't exist.
"The exams are next week!" Gai looked and sounded horrified.
"Yeah, so?"
"Have you been training at all?" Matching Gai's concern, Anzu started worrying her bottom lip. Just like she used to do when I'd come home from the academy with a black eye or bruised knuckles.
My response only seemed to upset them more. "I've been working. Besides, I'm just a replacement. It doesn't matter if I fail".
"Rion", Anzu interjected. "Don't think like that". Naruto nodded in agreement as he took her side. Naruto always takes her side. "You need to make the most of this opportunity".
"Why?" I challenged; not bothered by this conversation turning on me. It kind of needed to for my deception to be a believable one.
Anzu blinked. Like she couldn't fathom why I had to ask. "To become a chunin". She stole a glance at Naruto; checking to see if she answered correctly.
"Why would I want to do that?"
As a non-shinobi, Anzu couldn't find an answer. Naruto looked like he was ready to beat some sense into me. Meanwhile, Gai had tears in his eyes…. Maybe I should've planted this seed when Gai wasn't dining with us.
"I cannot allow this neglect in a young genin's education to continue", Gai mourned. Dramatic enough that he caught the attention of the others. "You are right, Rion". Gai was back to his exuberate self as he pushed away from the table. He started moving and posing about our living space as if it were a stage and we were his audience. "I cannot invite you to train with my team when you will be competing against them. That would be unyouthful of me".
Gai's personal artistic flare had my stomach churning while he gained Naruto's wonder-filled stare. "Uh… that's alright, I wasn't ask-"
"But worry not!" Gai interrupted me. It was like he hadn't heard me at all. "Since no one else is offering you assistance, I shall take you under my wing".
"No. Don't do that".
"Starting tomorrow, you and I shall train. My team trains in the mornings and afternoons. You and I will strive for youthful new heights in the evenings!" Gai came to stand center in front of the table. Akimbo, he delivered his last line. "By the time the exams begin, you'll be ready to face the fiercest of genin. I promise!" Anzu started applauding. Naruto wiped one lone tear from his left eye. I wanted to die.
Next time I'm alone in Ibiki's office, I'm going to change all his coffee to decaf.
Anko couldn't stop laughing. I wanted to accuse her of faking it. But knew that would only make her laugh harder. "It's not funny", I said from behind a test paper. Ibiki had given it to me this morning with strict instructions to memorize the answers. These were the nine useless questions that would be asked in the first part of the exam. The questions where it didn't matter if test-takers answered correctly or incorrectly.
"But it is", Anko argued; clutching her stomach as her lungs begged for air. Another laugh bubbled up. "You did exactly what Ibiki asked you to do".
I nodded as I recited the cryptography answer in my head. Yes, I made it known I would be at the exams like a good little genin runt.
"And- and somehow ended up training after hours with Gai!" Anko pounded a fist on her desk. Making her stacks of paperwork sway and Shinobu to look up from his own work with a glare.
"Just tell me how to get out of it", I asked; trying not to whine. The test paper wrinkled a little under my grip. "Last night, he made me run laps around the village with alternating sets of one hundred crunches and push-ups every third mile". My abdomen twinged at the memory. "I threw up before I finished the fifth lap".
Pushing her work aside with no clear indication she would be returning to it later, Anko balanced her chin on the palm of her hand; her elbow on the desktop. "Why didn't you just run away like the last time you worked with Gai?"
Pouting, I stared back down at the test; moving on to the question about the trajectory of a shuriken. Easy. This one I wouldn't have to memorize. "He ran alongside me the whole time".
That set Anko off once again. "Gai's not stupid", she told me; ignoring Shinobu and his very disgruntled scowl. "He's not going to fall for the same trick twice".
Exasperated, I dropped the test paper to gesture with my hands in the air. "I don't think he's human". Anko grinned. "Seriously. He spent all day training his team only to make me suffer afterward with few minutes in between". Where Gai told me he stayed up the night prior to design the perfect plan to make me chunin-ready in a week. "When does he eat? Or sleep? What he's doing shouldn't be possible".
Feeling defeated, I slumped forward until my head hit the desktop. "Chin up, Rion". Anko encouraged; all smiles. "It's only four more nights, right? Gai wouldn't make you train the night before. Even he knows you need to sleep before a big exam. You'll be fine". It sounded very much like she was wishing for the opposite.
I glowered as Shinobu cleared his throat. "If don't mind, some of us are actually trying to do our jobs". As if to prove his point, Shinobu shuffled a bunch of folders and tapped them on his desk until they were aligned.
My eyes widened at the sight of them. Those looked like case files. "Shinobu, do you have a suspect right now?"
He nodded.
"Nothing Chunin exam related?"
"No", Shinobu answered. It was the best thing I ever heard. "But that's all I can say. The rest is classified".
Straightening, I picked up my head and stared pleadingly at the man. Making Shinobu's annoyance turn to suspicion. "Can you let me in on it? I can do the paperwork. Or clean the interrogation room when you're done. Anything if it means working late". Because working late hours meant no Gai.
"No", Shinobu disagreed. "This case is above your clearance", he sniffed.
Anko watched our exchange with her amusement barely contained. "Can't you tell Ibiki it'll be a learning experience. He'll give me temporary clearance if you vouch for it". Honestly, it was a long shot. Ibiki was rigidly strict about procedures and ranks. He wasn't one to bend protocol just to get me out of taijutsu hell.
"What's a learning experience?" Ibiki asked as he stepped into T&I headquarters. His hands rested casually in the pockets of his trench coat. Though his whole person was far away from ever being called relaxed.
"Rion wants to join my interrogation assignment", Shinobu shared; letting Ibiki peak at the case file as Ibiki walked behind him.
"Hmph", Ibiki vocalized from the back of his throat as he read the name on the file.
"Please", I tried before he could immediately refuse. "I did all the errands you asked. I started memorizing the test question and I can finish that at home tonight. You said I can't take any missions until after the second part of the exam. Now's the perfect time to help Shinobu with a case". It felt weird to beg for work. There never had been a need before.
"No". Ibiki answered without pause. He turned to Anko before I could protest. Which I really wanted to do. Especially after Shinobu smirked triumphantly at me. "Anko, Hayate wants to see the tower the forty-fourth training ground. In case preliminary rounds need to be held before the last part of the exam. He's waiting for you at the entrance of the forest".
"There's not going to be enough candidates for preliminaries", Anko assured him. But she climbed to her feet anyway. "No way more than a handful of genin make it through the forest of death". Walking around our desks, Anko ruffled my hair on her way out. "See you later, kid. Have fun with Gai".
My hands twitched.
"Rion", Ibiki moved on as Shinobu also excused himself; making a beeline for the interrogation rooms. "I need you to prepare enough paper, clipboards, and pencils for the candidates and proctors for the first exam. I also need you to confirm the beginning and end times of the test with the other proctors. While T&I is in charge, things are going to run like clockwork".
I didn't move.
Ibiki blinked and raised an eyebrow in a silent ask of why I wasn't obeying his order.
Folding my arms, I glared at his scared face. If Ibiki hadn't told me I needed to convince others I'd be participating in the chunin exams, Gai wouldn't be trying to recruit me into his spandex-wearing cult. "This is all your fault".
Ibiki turned away without biting. "Get to work", he called over his shoulder.
In response, I slumped back down onto my desk. Closing my eyes, I tried to pretend my body didn't hurt from yesterday's training. Maybe if I was too slow in finishing the work Ibiki gave me, I would have a good enough excuse for Gai to leave me alone for the night. Though Anzu was a problem. She'd be disappointed if I didn't respect the time Gai was setting aside for me. And I wouldn't be able to keep it from her. Like how I used to hide stuff when I was an academy student. At this point, Gai visited as frequently as Naruto. He'd tell her everything. Groaning loudly and obnoxiously, I hauled myself to my feet.