Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Factor Analysis
This is a way to reduce a befuddling amount of variables down to fewer accessible numbers of factors. Therefore, a commonality shared between all variables can be calculated and represented by a single number. However; to use a factor analysis, three assumptions must be made.
1. Variables relate to each other.
2. There is no multicollinearity
3. There is a correlation between the factors and the variables.
"How could you not tell me?!"
Anzu was rarely angry. She preferred smiling when faced with adversity. It suited her better than fighting fire with fire. But there were exceptions. Being human made it so. Turning off the showerhead, I could hear Anzu yelling at Gai. "You made me think she was kidnapped or… or… dead!" It was very reminiscent of the choice words she had for me once I returned home.
Sighing, I pulled back the shower curtain and stepped out of the tub. Steam swirled around me and coated the air. Skin reddish from being properly scrubbed, I wrapped a towel around myself before approaching the mirror hanging over the sink. There had been plenty of opportunities to bathe during my time outside of the village. However, ablutions still felt long overdue as I used up the hot water and reduced the soap down to a tiny nub.
Using my hand, I rubbed the mirror free of the steam it had collected. "For weeks- almost a full month, I feared the worst and you knew this whole time!" Anzu's rage sounded from the other side of the door.
A face with slightly lidded eyes and downturned lips stared back at me. Despite feeling like I'd been turned inside-out, nothing appeared different. It didn't look like I was about to crumble into dust or possessed an air of insanity. In fact, the only thing that hinted at my inner state was how tired I looked.
With another towel, I wrung most of the excess water from my hair, but ultimately just decided to be done with it. Leaving it down to be a tangled mess in the morning, I reached for the pajamas I'd grabbed before entering the bathroom. Though they really couldn't be called pajamas. More like a pair of sweats designed for lounging and an old black T-shirt I'd stolen from Shino ages ago.
"Stop saying it was classified. I don't want to hear it!"
I wasted time running my hands over the familiar seams of my clothes and enjoyed finding a little hole in the hem of the shirt that one of Shino's beetles had made. It felt nice to be dressed in my own things. Nothing against Anko's fashion choices, but maroon was not my color.
The last things I had to do was hang up the towel and brush my teeth. Then any excuse to stay cloistered in the bathroom vanished. A rush of cool air met me as I opened the door. Likewise, some steam escaped from behind me; floating toward the ceiling where it quickly evaporated.
Anzu stood on one side of our table; her back to the refrigerator as she stood with her elbows locked and her palms flat on the tabletop. Her hair had been dyed brown since I'd been gone. And it made the furious lines on her face more prominent than normal.
Gai stood across from her; more in the living room than in the kitchen. His expression was remorseful. Though a hint of impatience was sparking my interest. Was this their first fight? Gai kept his hands relaxed and non-combative at his sides. But his gaze was unyielding. "I did not want to hide things", Gai started to say.
I leaned against the bathroom door frame; crossing my arms over my chest and just examined the two. "Then don't!" Anzu interrupted. If this was their first fight, it felt morosely right that I was the cause.
Gai remained strong as he tried again to explain his position. "But sometimes being a shinobi means safeguarding secrets. If it's for the best of the village or my precious comrades-"
"So, you can't trust me?!" Anzu seethed. I rubbed one of my eyes with the side of my hand; aware that I shouldn't feel as… detached as I did in this situation. Pre-invasion, I would've taken Anzu's side just to mess with Gai. "Is that it? I can't be trusted with my own sister?!" Except, things have changed.
Standing up straight, I took one step into the room. But no further. Since I presently desired my bed more than anything else. "Gai-Sensei is right". Heads snapped in my direction.
Stretching her arm away from her body, Anzu pointed one singular finger at me. "Don't start". It was very reminiscent of when I was eight and decided I was old enough to start swearing. Her lips were pinched together and her eyebrows were lifted so close to her hairline that I felt like they'd fly off her head if I said another word.
Unfortunately for her, I don't like being told what to do. Snorting, I chose to stare at the kitchen window instead of maintaining eye contact. "It's my job to pull secrets out of people". Or at least, that was what I was being trained for. Hadn't gotten much chance to practice since the chunin exams. "Fear tactics, intimidation, pain, some blood, maybe a broken bone. Could you keep a secret if those things happened to you?" My tone made it very clear that I already knew the answer.
Anzu sighed; lowering her arm to her side. "Rion", she spoke slowly and evenly. As if that would help me see reason. "I didn't know where you were or if you were hurt. There was nothing I could do to-"
"Do what?" I interrupted; turning back to her and pinning her with my best 'you're wrong' look. "Sis, there would have been nothing you could've done. You're not a ninja and you don't understand the shit we have to deal with for being one".
Anzu's eyebrows had fallen. "There isn't a need to-" Gai tried to intervene. But I was on a role.
"I understand the last month was terrible for you, but it wasn't like I was on a sightseeing tour of the country. My second day away from the village, I saw a man who slaughtered his whole clan". Turning from the window, my eyes found her again. Anzu flinched as she leaned against the table. "I spent the whole time taking orders for a self-proclaimed super pervert who handcuffed me to a boy for an entire week. And a few days after that, I was… Well, I can't tell you because it's classified!"
Her eyes darkened. Anzu took two deep breaths; nostrils flaring as she steeled herself. "So, that's it? You never wanted to be a ninja and blame me that you are one?"
No, I didn't. The truth was impossible to avoid. I understood my enlistment was the only way to better ourselves. However; staring into Anzu's eyes with my own emotions swirling, I couldn't bring myself to say that. Not after… everything. "Just stop asking questions. You'll end up in trouble".
Anzu face did something complicated that I didn't stay to figure out. Spinning on my heels, I headed for the bedroom. Ignoring Gai as he sputtered in the background; trying to think of some way to smooth things over. I didn't listen to any attempt he made. The door closing behind me muffled his words.
Two days passed before I was summoned. Two maddening days spent trudging through paperwork and being kept in the dark. To keep up his ruse, Ibiki went through the pain of officially documenting my disappearance as MIA. Which meant I had the honor of doing twice the amount of paperwork to undo it.
The genin commander's office needed proof I was alive. Payroll needed to confirm that some asshole hadn't stolen my identity. There were questions. Forms filled out in duplicate. And when I finally finished and turned it in with the request to be placed back on active duty, it was denied!
"Sorry", the clerical ninja said; watching me scowl at the returned forms clenched in my hand. The still-drying red ink that unmistakably spelled out MEDICAL LEAVE could not be overlooked. "Orders from the Hokage's office".
Which did make sense. Frustratingly so. Tsunade had mentioned needing to undergo tests. But that didn't mean I wasn't befuddled by the lack of direction. Ibiki hadn't been in touch. And without knowing where T&I was now located, I couldn't track him down. Shibi was being… Shibi. And Jiraiya had disappeared the day after we returned to the village.
I wanted to run D-ranks. Or bury my head in T&I investigations. Anything to avoid the icy hurt feelings of Anzu at home. I almost agreed to join Gai and his team for training when he offered. But ultimately decided I wasn't desperate enough.
It would have been nice if this was… forty-eight business was a priority. I mean, I understood why it wasn't the first thing on the agenda. Tsunade needed to be in power before making any big moves. There was Kakashi to heal and political fires to put out. But the anticipation of an uncertain future was making my skin crawl.
When I was summoned, I was out the door before Anzu could get one question out. The summons ordered me to the hospital. Where I found myself sitting on an examination table with Shizune puttering about and Tsunade flipping through a thin file. I tried to ignore Shinuze. However given the hands-on nature of having a physical, that was proving rather difficult. "Temperature is thirty-seven degrees Celsius". Shizune read after pulling a thermometer from my mouth and scribbling her findings onto her clipboard. She scurried off to trade the thermometer for a sphygmomanometer.
Tsunade stood by the door. She seemed displeased the longer she stared at the file. Once she read through the last page, Tsunade looked up and pinned me with a glare. "You have no documented medical history older than four years". I dismissed her glare with a shrug. It wasn't like pre-Aburame me had any say in regards to doctor visits.
Shizune wrapped a cuff around my left bicep and had me make a fist. In fact… now that I think of it, the current me didn't have a say either. Shibi dragged me to check-ups regardless of what I thought about it. "112 over 128" Shizune reported; undoing the cuff and letting me shake out my arm as she moved on to finish her notes.
Tsunade sighed and paired it with a frustrated shake of her head as she accepted the clipboard from Shizune. Despite how inconvenient the lack of information was, there was nothing she could do to correct it. Her eyes quickly scanned over my recorded vitals and measurements with Shizune hovering over her shoulder.
"Today, we are going to draw blood and take a cheek swab", Tsunade explained once she handed the clipboard back to Shizune. As soon as she had it, Shizune was moving; placing the clipboard down, opening and closing cupboards, and grabbing the needed supplies.
"That's it?" I asked. "What are you looking for?" The flat expression on Tsunade's face told me the answer wasn't going to be easily attainable. "Is there a gene or DNA sequence only science experiments have?"
Tsunade offered more silence than verbal responses. She stared at me; filtering her words before they came close to leaving her mouth. Right. I was a potential threat. No one knew what being forty-eight meant or what Orochimaru had done.
"Right now, we're checking for anomalies". Pausing, she pressed lips together in thought; eyes shifting in Shizune's direction. "There is a lead we are investigating but currently it's above your clearance".
The same bubbling frustration I felt with Anzu was making a reappearance. Rubbing the bridge of my nose, I ignored the background noise of Shizune hard at work. "Right. Of course. Makes perfect sense. Why should I get to know what's wrong with me? I feel silly for even wanting to suggest it".
I could feel Shizune's sympathetic eyes on me as she approached with a tray full of instruments and supplies. Tsunade clicked her tongue and placed one hand on her hip. "Pass your psych eval and we'll re-evaluate your involvement".
"And when's that?" I pressed. My talking made it difficult for Shizune to stick a cue tip in my mouth. "How long will that take? Will I be stuck on medical leave the whole time?"
Tsunade kept her answer professional and avoided the annoyance clearly etched on her forehead. Which was kind of scary considering I'd spent a good deal of time watching her mercilessly tease Jiraiya and Naruto on our way back to the village. "That will depend on your cooperation with the specialist".
"Who's the specialist?" Was the obvious next question. Then, in the usual dramatic bull-shittery that is shinobi life, there was a knock on the door.
I swear these bastards wait at doors or windows to make the most theatrical entrance as possible. And judging the range of characters I've met since leaving the academy, I have no evidence to suggest the opposite.
Tsunade waited until she moved further into the room before calling over her shoulder, "Enter". Smart move. She wouldn't look like a competent Hokage if she stood in the way of an opening door. Her eyes were fixed on me while I stared at the door. Shizune was at a standstill as she waited for the moment she'd be allowed to collect her samples. The doorknob twisted before the door swung open in a slow smooth movement.
A tall man stepped through. Age lines detailed the corners of his mouth. Blond long hair stuck out of the back of his head in a high ponytail with some loose bits framing his face and highlighting a pair of blue eyes.
Forcing myself to look away, I focused on Tsunade and adamantly refused. "No".
Inoichi Yamanaka. AKA my worst nightmare. After my refusal was blatantly ignored and Shizune had my DNA to run tests on, I found myself being taken to a different room in the hospital. This one had a table and chairs instead of an examination table.
Well, I thought to myself as I sat across from him in the small room. I had a good run. Made it thirteen going on fourteen years without being exposed. What is the life expectancy after coming out as the reincarnation of an interdimensional person? Would they keep me alive for a couple of months for observation and interviews? Or would they immediately order an autopsy?
Inoichi offered a calm smile on his middle-aged face that felt more professional than genuine. His smile wasn't as warm as Choza's. The lines on his face weren't as fierce as Shikaku's. Asshole. "You don't need to look at me like that", Inoichi kept up his good-natured act. "This will be easy and relatively painless. Promise".
Uh-huh. Sounds like someone who's never worked with me before. Slumped in an uncomfortable wooden chair, I kept my arms protectively wrapped around my middle. How long would this take? Would I have time to say goodbye before they wheeled me away to be slaughtered and dissected?
Inoichi leaned back in his chair; keeping his posture relaxed and open. As if I'd fall for that. "Why do you think Tsunade-Sama requested this evaluation?"
Oh, starting with a trick question. How nice. Sighing, I turned my face away from him and towards the window. At least this room had one. The illusion of escape was a nice comfort. "To make sure I'm not a threat". My answer came out in a low grumble.
"In part", Inoichi allowed; scribbling something down on the notepad he had balanced on his lap. "But also to see if you're fit for service. And if not, what supports are needed to get you to a place of stability".
I couldn't help staring as my nose wrinkled and my eyes narrowed. Why was my competency a question?
"You don't believe me?" Inoichi asked, cocking an eyebrow.
No. I don't. But that wasn't why I was making a face. I mean… It's not like I ever failed a mission or personally sabotaged one. I haven't murdered anyone I wasn't supposed to kill. Sure, I kind of lost it after the fight with Orochimaru and Kabuto. But everyone has their moments.
I didn't say any of that. "What happens if I am a threat? Will my sister still get paid for my death if it was ordered? I mean, technically I'd still be dying for the village…"
As I trailed over, Inoichi wrote down something else. My fingernails dug into the side of my arms. "If you are a threat, a plan will be made. Most likely you would be moved from the village to a secure location until a more permanent solution could be discovered".
Snorting, I tilted my head back and glared at the ceiling. Please. The only permanent solution was death… sort of.
"But we're getting off-topic", Inoichi redirected. Sitting up straight, he tried to initiate eye contact. "This evaluation will consist of many different things; interviews, rating scales, and games. This is so I can examine how you think, feel, learn and-"
"Games?" I interrupted.
Although Inoichi had the patience to be unbothered. His professional not-genuine smile was in full effect. "Like puzzles, some word association games, and timed tasks".
I hoped my face showed exactly what I thought about this description. "An IQ test". Suddenly a wave of tiredness washed over and sat heavily on my shoulders. Why do people talk around what they really mean?
Inoichi made another note. "It is an IQ test", he agreed with a singular nod of his head. "But it won't be like any test you've taken before. It's not something you can pass or fail. It just gives me insight into how you process information".
He waited in patient silence for me to make the next move. Not sure why. An illusion of control only works for either the exceptionally young or the exceptionally stupid. But when the silence and his careful study became too much, I unfolded my arms. "That's it?"
"That's it", Inoichi confirmed.
"Nothing more… invasive".
Inoichi started laughing. Knowing exactly what I meant. "Is that what you're worried about?" He asked; jotting down another note. "That I'd use my family jutsu on you?" I didn't confirm but there wasn't a need. "Any reason?" Inoichi posed his question casually; fiddling with the pen in his hand. "That you worried about being mind-walked?"
Thinking fast, I went for a tried-and-true favorite; finding deep appreciation for Ibiki's lessons on body language at the same moment. "No. Not at all". My tone was exaggerated as I sat up with rough movements. "Why wouldn't I want some old guy to look through my memories and witness every bathroom visit I've ever made".
Smiling very professionally, Inoichi wrote something down.