Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Post Hoc Test
So, you've completed a study. You've collected data. What does your data say? What does it mean? What's the next question? If researchers stumble upon a statistically relevant finding, a post hoc test may be required. In a post hoc test, researchers are trying to determine exactly which of their sample groups differ. Because what good comes from discovering a difference if you don't understand where it comes from?
The atmosphere was tense and suffocating. Standing next to Shizune in the Hokage's office, it was impossible to escape the waves of anger and grief rolling off Sasuke. His hands clenched into fists; trembling at his sides. Black eyes narrowed dangerously as he hyper-fixated on the organ cooler sitting on Tsunade's desk. "After the death of your clan, Danzo harvested your clansmen's Sharingan for his personal use". Tsunade kept her tune soft and remorseful. Like a doctor delivering bad news to a patient's family. Witnessing a bedside manner from Tsunade would have been an interesting character study. But I was too distracted. Why was Tsunade lying?
"It is still being investigated. But we believe Danzo knew about the massacre before it occurred and prepared accordingly". Tsunade kept going; politely keeping her attention on Sasuke but avoiding eye contact. "On behalf of the village, I apologize". And Tsunade bowed. Actually bowed! To a lowly genin.
I eyed Shizune suspiciously as she stared mournfully at Sasuke. What was this bullshit?
Sasuke barely breathed. He opened and closed his shaking fists as if wanting to strangle someone. "What will happen to Danzo?" Sasuke asked; forcing out the question in a painful rasp.
Only then did Tsunade rise from her bow. The softness belonging to someone seeking atonement was gone. In its place were the shadows of a military leader. It happened so quickly that I can only describe the switch as jarring. "Once the Torture and Interrogation Department is finished, Danzo will be executed for his crimes".
This news wasn't surprising. There was no benefit in keeping Danzo alive. Only harm. But it felt… vindicating that something was being done. Judging by the loosening muscle in Sasuke's jaw, he grimly agreed.
Tsunade allowed a moment for this information to sink in. Because it was a lot. First, Sasuke had been summoned to Tsunade's office alone and at a time when no one would noticed. No teammates and no Kakashi-Sensei. What could this be about? Waiting for him were the Hokage, Shizune, and me. For some unfathomable reason. No one had bothered to explain why I had also been called her first thing in the morning.
From there, Sasuke was shown the eyeballs resting in the organ cooler. All belonging to departed clansmen. He was told a story about Danzo, surgical implants, and treason. Which brings us to present time; the fallout and Tsunade's next steps. She took a deep breath. Her shoulders rose and fell with the effort. Shizune shifted nervously. "But if you accept the mission I'm about to offer you, you won't be able to witness the execution".
Sasuke's hands weren't shaking anymore. Now, he held them rigidly at his sides. Like a tin soldier. "What mission?"
Tsunade started at the beginning. It was necessary because I didn't have a clue where this was going either. She reviewed everything Orochimaru had hinted at during our last fight. Knowledge of the pills and their distribution were shared. Sasuke's eyes flickered in my direction when the dismantling of Root and the kids in the hospital was mentioned. Easily connecting the dots as they were lined up in front of him. Tsunade finished with the questions Ibiki and Anko were trying to answer. "Evidence suggests Danzo and Orochimaru were working together. We think the pills were designed to accomplish both their ambitions". For Danzo, the perfect soldier. For Orochimaru, multiple shells to use when a body becomes unlivable.
Though Tsunade didn't spell that part out. Shoving my hands in my pockets to hide them, I did my best to keep my face blank. Sometimes, it's useful to let people rely on their imaginations. "But we don't know how Orochimaru and Danzo were working together. We don't know how much power Orochimaru still has in the village". Thoughts flittered through my head as I let them go as quickly as they came. Little was adding up. What was Tsunade planning?
Sasuke listened in silence. Slowly, his hand rose until he was grasping the nape of his neck; the curse mark resting under his hand. His imagination didn't disappoint. "If Orochimaru and Danzo are working together-" He stared at the organ cooler without blinking. "Did Orochimaru know too?" He meant the massacre. The culling of Uchiha blood.
No! I wanted to scream. Orochimaru had already been chased out of the village by then. But I couldn't. Not without showing my hand. And… a part of me started questioning what I knew. Could Orochimaru have known? … Was it possible?
Tsunade leveled Sasuke with an open stare. "We don't know. I want you to find out". She had Sasuke's full attention. Finally pulling his gaze away from the organ cooler. The early morning light shining through the office windows made Sasuke look paler than he actually was.
Sasuke leaned some of his weight on the back of his heels; trying to appear more in command than he probably felt. "Because of the intruders I reported?" He hedged a guess.
While Shizune remained a sentinel presence, I visibly reacted. Taking an unplanned step back, my hands flew out of my pockets to compensate for the sudden change in balance. Intruders that Sasuke encountered? That could only be those creepy sound village sycophants, right?
"They made you an offer", Tsunade confirmed; her tone stern and conniving. "This would be an S-rank mission. One I can't order you to take. You must consider the risks and make the decision yourself. If you accept, your mission would be to join Orochimaru, learn his secrets, and when the time is right, coordinate an attack with Konoha to take him out".
My breath hitched in my throat. It felt like I was stuck in a fever dream or trapped in a movie theater watching an overly dramatic thriller. What… I don't… What was Tsunade thinking?
"It would not be a short-term mission", Tsunade continued; speaking slowly and enunciating carefully so Sasuke could not miss a single word. "First you would have to gain Orochimaru's trust and survive his teachings. He'll have followers whom you'd have to get around without blowing your cover. This mission could take years". Sasuke listened with unwavering attention. Though the tenseness in his jaw was back. "And you'll be alone. If you run into trouble, there will not be a team on standby to extract you".
Tsunade waited. For a refusal? For Sasuke to process? Or maybe she wanted him to have the common sense to decline before stomping out of her office. I'm unsure. But when none of those things occurred, she took another deep breath. "As an S-rank mission, everything will be classified. Only the people in this room will be aware that you're undercover. To the rest of the village, to your team, you'll be a traitor. And you'll remain a traitor until your mission is complete".
There were many things to poke and question in Tsunade's little sales pitch. But the thing I kept zeroing in on was the 'only the people in this room' bit. Why the hell was I being included? Ibiki and Anko weren't letting me assist them at the hospital because I was too close to the situation. Wouldn't being one of Orochimaru's experiments place me in the same boat for this S-rank secret?
Sasuke was thinking about this better than I was. His hand dropped from the nape of his neck as he stared at Tsunade stoically. "How would I coordinate an attack if I'm operating alone?"
Tsunade started moving before Sasuke had finished asking. Walking behind her desk, she opened the top left drawer and withdrew two brown, plain-looking notebooks. They stirred a foreboding feeling deep in my gut as Tsunade placed them next to the organ cooler and Sasuke stepped forward. "Jiraiya made them", Tsunade explained; watching as Sasuke picked up the top notebook and thumbed through the empty pages. "Most of it is just regular paper. But the second to last page has a transfer seal".
Hearing that tidbit, Sasuke flipped to the indicated page. Only to reveal a paper without a single drop of ink. "Jiraiya made sure it cannot be seen", Tsunade said; answering the unspoken question. Her eyes wandered over to me as Sasuke frowned distrustfully at the notebook in his hands. A transfer seal? For what purpose?
"Rion will keep the other notebook". Vehemently, I shook my head. Like hell, I wanted anything to do with seal ex-machina notebooks and an undercover Sasuke. Mysterious pills, and numbers forty-six through fifty-four were already more than enough. Thank you very much! But Tsunade didn't seem to care. "With the transfer seals, you'll be able to report your findings to Rion. She'll keep Shizune and me informed. And likewise, she can share any updates about the village or relay orders through her notebook".
I was still shaking my head when Tsunade held out the second notebook for me to take. Shizune had to give me a little push to get me to move closer to Tsunade's desk. "This is a horrible plan", I said once standing next to Sasuke.
Tsunade sighed in exasperation; still holding the notebook aloft. Even though I made no move to take it.
And it was a horrible plan. If the notebooks were discovered, it would be easy for someone to pretend to be Sasuke or myself. It would be easy for Sasuke to pass things on to Orochimaru! Why wasn't anyone worried Sasuke could be swayed into Orochimaru's allegiance? I mean… yeah, reporting the Sound creeps was new, but… this was a lot of trust to place in the hands of a power-hungry boy!
Sasuke had already made up his mind. I knew it the moment he snapped the notebook shut and tucked it under his arm. "They only gave me until tonight to decide".
Tsunade nodded like she had already accounted for that. "Team seven will not be taking any missions today. Use this time to prepare but you'll have to leave your affairs unsorted. No one can suspect".
Taking this new assignment, a little too well, Sasuke nodded to the organ cooler and refused to look away. "Those need to be burned and I want funeral rites performed".
"Hang on a min-" I tried to interrupt. Surely, this needed to be discussed more thoroughly. Tsunade couldn't just give marching orders and then kick Sasuke out of the village!
But all Tsunade did was shake the second notebook in my face as she responded to Sasuke, "Come back at noon and I'll have it arranged. We'll use Orochimaru's promise of power and the discovery of Danzo's arm as your motive for betraying the village".
Sasuke nodded. The idiot didn't utter another word. Instead, he turned on his heels and excused himself from the office; walking with a sort of rigid pride that made me despise and mourn him at the same time. "Sasuke, wait!" I tried to call after him; taking one panicked step forward. Shouldn't we discuss this? Have a plan for worse-case scenarios?
"You are not dismissed", Tsunade barked as her office door shut behind Sasuke. When I turned back to face her; eyes wide with unease, Tsunade was still holding out the second notebook. As soon as Tsunade held my attention, she threw it at me.
"You still need your mission parameters". She said; watching as my hands instinctually caught the notebook and clutched it close to my chest. "You will carry that notebook at all times. No one can know why. If something happens to-"
"I won't do it!" I yelled. Cutting Tsunade off mid-sentence. "This mission, I reject it. Get someone else. Someone who actually gives a shit about Sasuke Uchiha. In what world would I be your first choice? I'm-" Indifferent. Callous. Only interested in my own well-being. Many different options popped into my head. But I settled for "I'm a terrible ninja".
Tsunade was firm and unwavering. Her eyes held a fiery determination that I knew would be impossible to put out. Despite her motivation to win and her confidence to get her way, Tsunade smiled. Slowly and self-assured, it stretched across her face. Forcing me to nervously gulp. "You will accept this mission. Because no matter what you say or how much you pretend, Rion Aburame isn't the type of kunoichi who would turn her back on an ally". Tsunade's upper lip pulled back; showing off her right canine tooth. "So, drop the act, brat".
I met Shino and Shibi at the front gates. The weight of my travel pack hanging from my shoulders acted as a grounding force. Like me, they each had a travel pack strapped to their backs and ready to go. "Daughter", Shibi greeted; sunglasses glinting in the late morning light.
This mission had been set up ahead of time. Initially, I thought it was Ibiki's way to keep me occupied while interviewing Anzu. But now…
Shino's greeting came in the form of heavy silence. He stared and aggressively adjusted his glasses as Shibi checked us out with the gate guards. "I am displeased" Shino stated in his usual monotone.
"Why?" I asked, frowning as I stood in front of him with slumped shoulders and a wary look. "What did I do? When could I've done something? I haven't seen you in weeks". Searching through my memories, I started counting. Was it weeks? Months might be a better descriptor.
Shino continued to stare. As if waiting for me to realize my errors. "Shino. Rion", Shibi called; ready to leave the village and get this mission underway. Except Shino stared a moment longer. Stretching his silence like how one stretches their arms. Then he turned on his heels and stalked towards Shibi at an even pace.
Tiredly, I rubbed a hand over my face. The next few days were going to feel long. Shibi and Shino waited for me to reach the gates before stepping out of the village proper. I spared a moment to glance over my shoulder and stare down the main street. I could run. Drop my pack and high-tail it before Shibi or Shino noticed. I could find Shikamaru and warn him about the sham mission he'd get saddled with in the near future.
"Rion" Shibi called; pulling me away from the brink of insubordination.
Tsunade had to respond; when Sasuke unlawfully leaves the village. No one knows. I reminded myself. Repeating it in my head as I faced forward to catch up with Shibi and brother dearest. My joints moved stiffly. Almost robotically. Like a wind-up toy. No one will know Sasuke isn't betraying the village. To keep up the ruse, Tsunade would have to send a team to retrieve him.
Falling into the Aburame family's signature silence, we walked shoulder to shoulder away from the village. Heading South, I refrained from any more worried glances behind me. To make sure retrieval was unsuccessful, Tsunade would send genin and one newly-minted chunin after Sasuke. She had the perfect cover too.
Still recovering from the invasion, the village was short-staffed. Active duty jonin and chunin were already deployed. The village had felt the strain of this already. So, Shikamaru would believe her.
The weather was nice. The birds chirped joyfully as we passed under the trees lining the road. Unaware I was plagued with thoughts containing blood, injuries, and emergency surgeries, Shibi and Shino walked like the ground wasn't tremoring under their feet. And for them, it wasn't.
Chouji… What the hell was I doing?
My breath caught in my throat. Earning me alarmed looks from Shibi and Shino. Well… the Aburame version of alarmed. With jerky limbs, I stumbled back in the direction of home. Tsunade didn't know the damage that would be done. Only I had that foresight. I could… I could…
"Rion", Shibi said as he placed a heavy hand on top of my head. "Your sister will be fine". The comforting words flatly spoken bled through my ears. Anzu. Thinking of her forced me to exhale as a jelly-like feeling started building in my muscles.
Shibi would think that was the cause of my panic. As far as he was aware, that was why I was here. Because Ibiki couldn't have me underfoot when he was asking Anzu difficult questions regarding sensitive matters.
Anzu. Nodding slowly, I shoved unsteady hands deep into my pockets. Turning back around, I started walking; taking the lead even though I didn't have a clue where we were going. I couldn't… I couldn't…
Anzu received an official summons yesterday. She impatiently waited for me to get home so I could read it to her. Last night was spent with Anzu fretting through every scenario as she asked me to reread the summons over and over. All the while wondering what this could be about. And all I could say was "Ibiki-Sensei will explain" or "You're just a witness. They're not accusing you of anything".
My plan had been to stay with Anzu as long as possible. I would've walked her to the meeting point and fixed Ibiki with a hard stare before being dismissed. The day would've been spent on mindless D-ranks as I worried and wondered about the things Ibiki would ask. The things Anzu would say. And then I would've gone home to endure any question Anzu might have. Or any comment she might share.
Instead, I had woken up to an official summons of my own. Slug delivered. Rather than making sure Anzu actually ate something for breakfast, I got to watch Sasuke get emotionally manipulated over the salvaged eyeballs of his dead clansmen. And now I wouldn't be home when Anzu returned from her interview. She wouldn't see me for a couple of days. Why? Because Tsunade sent me out of the village so I couldn't be dragged into the Sasuke retrieval efforts. Or so I'm guessing. What good was having me in on the secret if I made it too obvious?
Especially since I was included in Tsunade's S-rank plan so she and Shizune could keep their hands clean. The birds continued to chirp as Shibi, Shino, and I continued on our way. Their annoying cheer grated on my nerves.
No one would think twice about me carrying around a notebook. Or so Tsunade claimed. I had the time, the flexibility, and the privacy to keep correspondence with Sasuke. Which could also be phrased as "your actions aren't watched as closely as mine or Shizune's". And if something were to happen to Tsunade or Shizune, they needed someone inconspicuous to know about Sasuke's super-secret S-rank mission and to decide what to do about it. Apparently, the genin who didn't want to be a ninja was perfect for this role.
Every reason Tsunade provided felt unsatisfying. Probably because I had just witnessed how she managed Sasuke. What good would it do to send Sasuke to Orochimaru? The eyeball thing… I kind of understood. Suggesting Orochimaru may have been involved with the Uchiha massacre gave Sasuke a reason to hate him. Tsunade apologizing for Danzo's crimes against Sasuke's family gave him motivation to follow through with the mission. But… I just don't get it. It felt like going all-in in a game of poker when you had been dealt a terrible hand.
"There are 360 known species of the Epicuta", Shino said out of the blue. Or at least it felt like it came from left field.
Confusedly, I blinked at him, suddenly aware that we had traveled a lot further while I had been drowning in my thoughts.
"Farms view the Epicuta as pests", Shibi continued. "The adults feed off their crops while their larva eats the eggs of grasshoppers".
There was silence as we continued walking. I could feel the eyes of my male relatives focusing on me. As if waiting for something. "What?" I asked; feeling slightly unbalanced. "Is it my turn to share a random bug fact?" Silence… I'm not sure why I expected anything else. "Um… Ants can carry more than fifty times their own weight".
Shibi let out a huff of air. As if trying to have patience for an aggravatingly slow person. It was so soft that I almost didn't hear it. "Certain species of the Epicuta possess medicinal properties", Shino continued. "Such as the treatment of rabies or warts".
"Right. Because the severity of those two things is equal". I gestured in my hands as a way to ask them to get to the point.
"Our mission is to save the crops of a farming village from pests and collect the insects that be used for medicine", Shibi explained as he adjusted his glasses so they glistened contently.
This time I had to blink twice. "Okay. I get why you would be sent on this mission", I said; pointing a finger at Shino. "But why are you here?" I asked; turning to Shibi. "You're a jounin. A specialist in tracking. Isn't this beneath you?"
Shibi tucked his chin deeper behind his high collar. Almost as if he was embarrassed. "Why?" He repeated. "Because it is important to spend time as a family". Shino offered silence to express his agreement.
The look I could manage was a deadpan one. "You were sent on this mission to babysit me". The accusation fell from my lips faster than any other conclusive thought I've had all day.
"No", Shibi disagreed; doing his best to maintain eye contact with me. "It is impossible for me to babysit you. Why? Because I am your father".
… Sigh. By the end of this mission, I was going to feel aged.