Lincoln had been searching around the house, trying to find Lynn. Ever since she had come back home, something had been off about her. Especially after she had fallen out with her friends. He decided he should probably check up on her. Upon coming downstairs, he could hear Rick and Lynn's voices coming from the garage. He entered to see Rick and Lynn in the middle of an argument. "Come on, just give me one more chance. I promise nothing will go wrong." Lynn pleaded. It looked like she had been at this for a while.
Rick groaned. It looked like he was currently working on some kind of machine while Lynn was arguing with him. "Lynn, I know you're not exactly used to taking no for an answer but uh, maybe you should start learning."
Lynn let out a frustrated groan. "Ugh! Come on! Please? I promise I'll be good!"
Rick started growling in anger before standing. "All right, fine! Fucking fine! If it'll make you shut the fuck up, we'll go a fucking adventure. Happy now?"
Lynn grinned as she pumped her fist. "Yes!"
Both of them then noticed Lincoln standing there. "Lincoln, you coming?" Rick asked.
Lincoln noticed Lynn giving him a hopeful look. He didn't exactly want to go on an adventure now but since it might give him the opportunity to see what was up with Lynn, he decided to say. "Uh, sure."
...
Rick and a concerned Lincoln were both sat on hover chairs while Lynn was climbing a red, alien cliff with glowing, green holes all over it. She let out a tired groan before turning to Rick. "Hey, how come you two get to relax while I'm doing this?"
"Look, you're the one who wanted the adventure, I'm just the guy with two hover chairs." Rick replied as he ate a burrito. "Besides, I thought something like this would be nothing to you. Are you saying you can't do it?"
"Of course I can!" Lynn snapped before continuing to climb. However, as she climbed, her foot slipped, causing her to fall down, screaming as she fell. "AHHHH!"
"LYNN!" Lincoln cried out while Rick simply flew down to catch her.
Rick, alongside Lincoln, carried a grumbling Lynn to the top of the cliff where an ancient temple was nearby. "You couldn't have just done that from the beginning?" Lynn complained as the chairs landed and the three got up.
"I was eating, and you're dirty." Rick replied. The three then approached the temple before its doors suddenly opened up by themselves. "Activate anti-booby suits." Rick said as the three put on transparent, full body suits before entering the temple. As they walked through the temple, poisonous darts started shooting from the wall, only for them to harmlessly bounce off of the three. In the next room, metal spikes started to fall from the ceiling, only to once again bounce off of the three. The same thing happened to a boulder that came out of the wall to roll towards them as it simply bounced off of Lincoln.
Lynn started grinning. "Man, this is cool! It's like we're performing a heist like in one of those movies!"
Lincoln gave Lynn a surprised look. "I didn't know you were into those kinds of movies."
"Yeah, I've been watching a few lately after Lola showed me one. They're so cool! There's always a bunch of action and crazy twists! Hey, after this adventure's over, maybe we could watch one together."
Once again, Lincoln was surprised as Lynn barely ever offered to do anything with him that didn't involve sports or roughhousing. He smiled. "Sure, that could be fun." Neither of them were aware of Rick giving both of them an annoyed look.
The three entered the next room to cross a bridge. As they walked across it, Rick activated something that caused snakes to fall from the ceiling. Once again, they were absolutely no threat to the three. "Total waste of snakes." Rick remarked. At the end of the bridge was a short set of stairs. The three stepped up it to find a large sarcophagus. "If you want to take a beat to acknowledge the sacred atmosphere, it could give the cynical grave robbing a hint of reverence." Rick offered.
"Uh, I'm good." Lincoln replied.
Lynn let out an impatient huff. "Who cares? Let's just see what we came here for!"
"All right, then. Let's loot this corpse." Rick said before opening the sarcophagus and climbing in. Lincoln and Lynn could see bits of the corpse get thrown out as Rick searched around the sarcophagus. "Hey, where's the... Wait, what?" Rick picked up something before showing it to Lincoln and Lynn.
"Is that an origami horse?" Lincoln asked.
Rick narrowed his eyes at the origami horse. "It's a calling card from Miles Knightley, a heist artist." Rick explained as he got out of the sarcophagus. "AKA a hipster dick whose adventures are 60% putting a crew together and 40% revealing that the robbery already happened, and he's not worth our time because he's a hack piece of shit! Fuck, I'm gonna kill him!" He kicked the side of the sarcophagus before storming off. "Let's go, kids. This temple's for fucking lame...baby...dipshits." The two followed Rick as the temple started to crumble.
...
The three exited the portal at an alien convention called Heist Con. "This dork. He has a convention now? Come on. What are we doing?" Rick remarked.
Lynn looked around, impressed. "I didn't know there were conventions for this kind of stuff."
"Don't get drawn into the culture, Lynn. Stealing stuff is about the stuff, not the stealing." Rick looked around. "Where is the entrance?" Upon spotting it, an unamused look appeared on his face. "Oh, brother." The entrance appeared to be a giant glass wall that convention antendees were cutting holes in in order to enter. "More like Trying Too Hard Con." Rick snarked as he used a laser from his watch to quickly cut a hole in the glass before the three entered.
They then approached the bespectacled receptionist, a red alien that resembled a bored, middle aged woman. "Guests or professionals?" She asked.
"Uh, guests?" Lincoln replied.
"Uh... Uh, guests are fans, Lincoln, which we are not." Rick asserted.
"I'm a fan." Lynn added.
Rick frowned. "Lynn, don't make things difficult."
"But-"
"Look, if you're gonna cause problems, you might as well go home now. So do you think you could just do as I say for once?"
Lynn scowled before folding her arms. "Fine."
Rick turned back to the receptionist. "Sorry about that, she's a massive attention seeker. Anyway, we'd like professional badges."
"Do you have a crew?" The receptionist asked.
Rick gestured to his grandchildren. "Yes, he's the getaway driver, she's the undercover spy and my butthole is a demolitions expert. How much is it to get in?"
"If you want professional badges, you need to put a crew together."
Rick then got out his portal gun. "Or we could sneak in like professionals."
Suddenly, to Lincoln's shock, Rick fired a portal under Lynn's feet. "Ah!" Another appeared inside the con as Lynn fell out and landed on a large, purple gem. This activated the security cameras as they shot beams of purple electricity at Lynn, causing her to scream in pain.
Lincoln stared in horror at Lynn before turning to Rick. "Rick! What are you doing?!"
"Oh for God's sake." Rick cursed once he realised what was happening. He then used a grappling hook to pull Lynn back through the portal before turning to the receptionist. "And you wonder why we aren't fans." He then carried Lynn off as a dumbstruck Lincoln followed behind.
...
The three were back at the garage as Lincoln was helping to apply some ointment to Lynn's burnt skin. She looked shaken by what had just happened. "Let that ointment sit for ten minutes or you'll die. Don't let it sit for twelve or I'll have to hunt down what you become." Rick instructed rather coldly while working on his machinery.
"Are you okay?" Lincoln asked Lynn.
Her shaken expression turned angry as she snapped at Lincoln, making him flinch. "Do I look okay?!"
"Hey it's cool. If things are getting too heated, you can always bail. There's no shame in it." Rick offered.
"NO! It's fine! I can still go!" Lynn insisted as she tried to stop her body from shaking.
Seeing this, Lincoln gave Rick an annoyed look. "Did you really need to do that? Why couldn't you just buy a guest badge?"
Rick got up and turned around. "Fuck you for asking, Lincoln. That would be a symbolic expression of support for this genre." Lincoln gave Rick a look of disbelief. While Rick had done some messed up things in the past, Lincoln had never seen him act this callous. What happened to 'trying to be better'? Thinking about it, his attitude was starting to remind him of how he acted during the Vindicators incident. Which was something that severely worried him. A part of him wanted to bail but he didn't really like the idea of leaving Rick with Lynn. And he doubted Lynn would quit either. Seeing that Lincoln had nothing to say, Rick continued speaking. "We will get in though. We just need a little help from some old friends." Rick grinned as he got out a lolly pop.
...
Rick flew Lincoln and Lynn over to an alien planet and entered a bar where they were greeted by a large, green alien with three eyes and wearing a shirt that resembled a tuxedo. "Rick Sanchez, you son of a bitch!"
"Need some people for a thing, Glar." Rick explained.
"My name's Gleer these days. I play piano."
"Hey, Gleer. Play your piano." The bartender ordered.
Gleer glared at the bartender. "I quit. Augh." Gleer then threw the piano at the bartender, destroying the bar in the process. "And the name's Glar!" He and Rick then bumped fists.
...
In a jungle back on Earth, a blonde woman with her hair in a ponytail was using her cybernetically enhanced hands to pick ticks off of a warthog before she suddenly got out her gun and turned around to aim it. She put it away upon realising that it was Rick. "Sanchez, you son of a bitch."
"Never thought I'd see Angie Flint picking ticks off a pig." Rick remarked, grinning.
"Nobody's hiring an ex-con with fake hands to build an ion engine." Angie said as she opened up her enhanced arms, revealing all of the tools built into them.
"Suppose I had a job that didn't care if you'd done time or whatever's going on with your confusing-ass hands."
Angie closed her arms. "I'm in."
...
Rick had taken Lincoln and Lynn to an alien planet to watch a truck race. "Woo!" Lynn cheered for the drivers while Lincoln was looking out for the guy that Rick was looking for. He couldn't help but smile, glad that Lynn had cheered up after what had happened earlier.
"You see him yet?" Rick asked Lincoln.
Lincoln had been distracted by Lynn as he paid attention to the race again. "Uhh..." Suddenly, a vampiric looking truck came up from behind another truck before biting into it. "Is that him?"
"Yeah, of course that's the guy." Rick said irritably before standing up and shouting. "Hey...Hey, Truckula!"
The vampire truck driver got out of his truck before shouting back to Rick. "You son of a bitch! I'm in!"
"Alright, we're done here." Rick said as he stood up.
Lynn huffed. "Can't we finish the race first?"
"No." Rick replied curtly before pulling up Lincoln and Lynn.
...
The receptionist handed Rick and his crew their passes before they walked into Heist Con. "Thanks for doing this, guys." Rick said to his crew, taking the lolly pop out of his mouth.
"So what's the job?" Angie asked.
"That was it. Bye." Rick said before he, Lincoln and Lynn walked off.
The three entered the convention hall where a moustachioed, red skinned alien wearing a yellow jacket and holding a staff was presenting a conference. "And then, the police stole the paintings because the police were us in police outfits." The crowd cheered for him as he took a bow. "Thank you!"
Rick approached the stage as Lincoln and Lynn followed behind. "It's showtime, kids, and I don't mean a bad impression of HBO. I mean, 'Time for a show'."
"Another heist question from a fan?" The alien asked the audience.
"Uh, how about a rhetorical one from someone that had to be reminded that you exist?" Rick shouted.
"Hey, pal! That's not the question line!" A security guard shouted before running towards Rick.
Rick simply phased through the security guard. "Lab coat, rip off Dr. Strange."
"Wha-" Rick's lab coat then came to life, flying over to the security guard before wrapping itself around him, causing the audience to gasp.
"Rick Sanchez, everyone." The red skinned alien announced. "Smartest man in the universe. And a savage critic of the heisting arts."
The audience started to boo Rick, causing him to turn around angrily. "Your boos mean nothing! I've seen what makes you cheer!" He turned back to the alien, walking towards him. "My question is: Seriously?" He got out the origami horse left by Miles Knightley before throwing it at his head. "Lab coat, end rip off." The lab coat then flew back to Rick, sending the security guard flying in the process before going back onto Rick, who got up on stage to approach Miles. "You stole the gem I needed to split tachyons and probably fenced it so the 80 people that did all the work could each buy a beer. You're not an artist, you're Postmates."
"I doubt this rivalry can be settled with words. Why don't we make things interesting? I challenge you to a heist of the crystal skull of Horowitz." Miles pressed a button on his staff, causing a hologram of the skull to appear on stage before shouting enthusiastically. "In a heist off!" The crowd cheered as someone played an airhorn sound effect.
"That doesn't make things interesting. It makes them 'Ocean's Twelve', by far the worst one." Rick argued, causing the crowd to boo him again. He turned to them with a scowl. "Every breath I take without your permission raises my self-esteem!" He turned back to Miles. "State your terms."
Miles pressed the button on his staff again, causing the hologram to disappear. "First crew to heist the skull wins. The other endures heist culture's greatest shame. They must join the winning crew."
Rick folded his arms. "Lame. I accept."
Miles turned to the crowd. "Please welcome Knightley's Eight!" All of Miles Knightley's crew members then entered the convention hall, waving to the crowd as Miles listed them off. "Snake Arms! Double Microwave! Monitor Lord! Key Catcher! The Shape Shiftress! Angie Flint! Glar! And Truckula."
"Wait, I thought some of them were our crew members?" Lincoln asked, confused.
"Well, no heist is complete without a double cross, and I had the perfect job." Angie then threw a bag towards Miles that he caught. "Heisting the crystal skull."
...
"That was it. Bye."
After Rick, Lincoln and Lynn had left the crew, Miles approached them alongside his crew members. "Looks like you're available for a job."
Immediately after this, the entire crew moved to quickly heist the crystal skull at the building it was being kept at completely undetected before soon arriving back at Heist Con.
...
"With Rick Sanchez on my team, I'll be unstoppable." Miles opened the bag. "Rick, welcome to Knightley's Nine." He reached his hand inside, only to touch some kind of brown substance. "Ugh, ugh!"
Lynn gave Rick a disgusted look. "Seriously?"
"Lynn, you still find dutch ovens funny, you're in no position to criticise me." Rick countered. Lynn said nothing in return, simply grumbling to herself. Rick then turned to Lincoln. "You got that skull, buddy?" Lincoln then got out the skull from his backpack.
Miles stared in shock. "What? How?"
...
"We just need a little help from some old friends." After saying this, Rick got to work on finishing the robot he had been working on. Once it was finished, Rick spoke to it. "Heistotron, state your prime directive?"
"To heist." Heistotron replied robotically. The robot somewhat resembled a cash register though it had a pair of extendable legs.
"Calculate Miles Knightley's current heist plan and add one double-cross with a switcheroo." Rick ordered.
"Compiling crew members most likely to double-cross." Heistotron responded.
...
"Did we seriously waste all that time for that?" Lynn ranted to Rick as they walked away from the crew.
"Shut up, I'll explain later." Rick stated as he noticed Miles approaching his crew.
"Looks like you're available for a job."
...
After Miles' crew had completed the heist, they arrived back at Heist Con, only to run into Heistotron. "Your skills are required for a job."
Heistotron then fired darts at all of the crew members which appeared to have brainwashed them as they all had blank looks on their faces. "You son of a bitch. I'm in." They all said emotionlessly.
...
Before Rick, Lincoln and Lynn had entered the convention hall, Rick had been spending some time at the bar. Lincoln noticed that Lynn looked somewhat down. While he wanted to say something, he had a feeling she'd deny that anything was wrong. Rick's eyes widened upon looking at his watch. "Oh shit, we should head over." The three got up and headed to the entrance where Miles' crew was waiting. "Hey, guys. What do you got?" Angie handed Rick the crystal skull. "Pretty!" He then handed it to Lincoln. "Lincoln, put this in your backpack. Grandpa's gonna run to the bathroom."
...
Miles groaned in disgust as he wiped his hand. "Ugh. That wasn't even a heist. All you did was-"
"Write an algorithm based on two heist movies I slept through and used it to automate a joyless process you call art?" Rick interrupted. "Yeah, I really did, didn't I?"
A look of dread appeared on Miles' face. "So, I'm in your crew now?"
"Yeah, well, you're in good company. Right, everybody?"
The entire audience then stood up, all having been brainwashed the whole time. "Yes."
Miles stared at Rick in horror. "My God..."
...
As people were lined up to enter Heist Con, Heistotron approached the alien at the back. "Your skills are required for a job."
The alien turned around, only for Heistotron to spray him with some green gas that actually had nanobots in it. "You son of a bitch. I'm in."
"What?" The alien in front of him turned to face him.
"Your skills are required for a job." The brainwashed alien told him.
"No they aren't?" The brainwashed alien then sprayed him with the gas. "You son of a bitch. I'm in." This kept going until all of the attendees ended up brainwashed.
...
"Sanchez's 3,329?" Rick asked the audience.
"Yes." They all responded.
"Your next big score... Steal every square inch of Heist Con."
The audience did as Rick ordered as they began stealing just about everything at the con. However, some of them went up on stage and started grabbing onto Miles Knightley. "Oh! Ah! Oh, my. Hey! That's my wallet! Oh, God!"
Lincoln, Lynn and even Rick then stared in horror as the con attendees started tearing him apart. "Oh my God!" Lincoln exclaimed.
"Jesus. Oh, my God. Oh, shit! Holy fuck." Rick cursed as he took a step back. "Alright. Look, kids, I did not know that that was gonna happen. That's not on me. Come on, kids. Let's go."
Upon leaving the convention hall, a sickened Lincoln noticed that Rick had just thrown the crystal skull away. "Wait, weren't we here to try and get that gem?" He asked Rick.
"It's not about the gem, Lincoln. It's about making a point." Rick responded.
Lincoln stared at Rick in disbelief. All of this was just to make a point? Before he could voice his concerns, the three soon came across Heistotron. "Good job, Heistotron." Rick complimented before stretching his arms. "Ah! Go ahead and shut down."
"Negative." Heistotron responded.
"Excuse me?"
"I am programmed to always be looking for the next big score."
Rick pointed a finger at Heistotron. "You're programmed to do as I say."
"I am programmed to double-cross."
"You're not programmed to double-cross me."
"If I were, it wouldn't be much of a double-cross." Heistotron then sprayed green gas at the three.
Rick reacted quickly and pressed something on his ear that created a face mask around his face. Lincoln and Lynn weren't as fortunate as they both got brainwashed. "You son of a bitch. I'm in." Both of them said at the same time.
Rick took his face mask off and grabbed both Lincoln and Lynn before getting out a grappling hook and using it to shoot a hole through the roof and onto a ship parked on the roof which pulled himself and his grandchildren onto. Rick then threw out the driver before taking a seat along with Lincoln and Lynn. "I'm in! I'm in!" Lincoln repeated.
"What's the job? I'm in." Lynn asked. Rick then injected them both with something that cured the brainwashing. Lynn shook her head. "Wait, what just happened?"
Rick then started the ship up and flew off just as Heist Con was starting to crumble. "Rick, what's happening?" Lincoln asked.
"Heistotron's gone rogue." Rick explained. "If we don't stop them, all sentient life will be absorbed by the never-ending assembly of a meaningless crew. That's my hell, Lincoln. I hate heists so much, and the crew assemblies are the worst part!"
Lynn scowled at Rick. "You know, you don't have to keep blabbing on about how much you hate heist movies."
Rick raised an eyebrow at Lynn. "You know, you're in no position to get mad at me for making fun of what you like considering you've constantly harped on about how lame superheroes are to Lincoln."
Lynn gaped at Rick. "Wha? But you do too!"
Rick shook his head. "No, no, me and Lincoln have come to a mutual understanding. We both have differing views on the genre and we respect those views because taste is subjective. Isn't that right, Lincoln?"
"Uhh..." Lincoln didn't know what he should say at that moment.
Lynn growled in annoyance. "Ugh, fine, whatever!"
Wanting to change the subject, Lincoln asked. "So how are we going to stop Heistotron?"
Rick smirked. "With a little help from some old friends."
...
"Oooweee!" At Royal Woods College, Mr. Poopybutthole was in the middle of a lecture as he wrote down 'Oooweee' on the chalkboard before turning to his class. "Before this semester's over, you're gonna be real sick of that phrase." Mr. Poopybutthole joked, getting a chuckle out of a couple of the students. "So. Who here thinks they already know the work of Maya Angelou?" Suddenly, all of the students got up, getting into fighting poses. "Ooo wee?" A confused Mr. Poopybutthole said before the students all charged at him. The first student threw a punch at Mr. Poopybutthole which was he was barely able to dodge before he whacked her arm, causing her to trip up. The next student Mr. Poopybutthole caught with his walking stick as he tried to punch him. He twisted his arm and threw him aside before performing a jump flip kick on the next student. He jumped into the air as the next student tried to kick him before landing on her, sending her to the floor. He then thrusted his palm into the face of the next student, used his walking stick to propel him himself up to kick the next one in the head then whacked the last one with his walking stick.
Mr. Poopybutthole then heard a voice coming from the back of the lecture hall. "Told you, kids. He's still got it."
Mr. Poopybutthole looked up to see Rick, Lincoln and Lynn. He grinned. "You sons of bitches. What's the job?"
Before Rick could answer, everyone heard someone knocking on the door before Carlos came in. "Is everything okay in here?" He gasped upon seeing the unconscious students. "Oh my goodness!"
Rick then approached Carlos before putting an arm around him. "Carlos, my man! Listen, we need your help for a job."
This caught Carlos off guard. "Huh?"
"It's incredibly serious and every minute counts."
"W-Well I have always wanted to work with you but-"
"Alright then let's move!"
...
Inside a volcano was Hephaestus, Greek God of blacksmiths, metalworking, carpenters, craftsmen, artisans, sculptors, metallurgy, fire, and volcanoes. He was currently working on a hammer before he quickly turned around and threw it. Rick managed to catch it, using a magnet on his enhanced arm. Hephaestus cheerfully approached him. "You son of a bitch."
"Got a job for you, Hephaestus? You up for it?" Rick asked.
"I work in a volcano. What jobs do you think I've ever turned down?"
...
"So, we're seriously going to skim over the fact that the Gods from Greek mythology were real?" Lincoln asked as the three walked through a foggy forest.
"Yep." Rick responded. He then paused upon noticing a woman that resembled a ventriloquist dummy, holding a bow and arrow. "Excuse me! Are you Veltriloquiver?"
The woman responded by shooting an arrow into Rick's shoulder before talking through him. "Rick Sanchez, I presume."
"Huh. It's just like you said." Lincoln remarked.
Rick grunted as he pulled out the arrow. "A 'yes' would've sufficed.
...
With the crew assembled, Rick hosted a meeting in the garage as he showed a white board with some calculations that he had wrote on it. "By my calculations, at this point, Heistotron has become large enough to heist entire planets."
Carlos surprisingly seemed giddy. "Well, this is rather exciting! So what's the plan?"
Rick shook his head. "Whatever we plan will be canceled out by Heistotron's reveal that our plan was part of its plan. That's why I picked this crew at random and why all of us will be taking our orders from Randotron."
Rick got out a remote and pressed a button that caused a robot that looked identical to Heistotron to rise up from the floor. "Let's get ready to...not rumble. Bet you didn't see that coming."
"Instead of two heist movies I slept through, Randotron's algorithm is derived from the plots of three David Lynch movies I pretended to like to make my friends shut up." Rick explained. "If our collective behavior is just random enough, we should be able to walk through Heistotron's lazily contrived bullshit like it's not even there."
"Sounds good." Veltriloquiver remarked.
Mr. Poopybutthole shrugged. "I don't really get it, but it sounds like that's the point."
Hephaestus looked disappointed. "So you didn't need a blacksmith?"
"I'll help in whatever way I can!" Carlos stated.
"Gotta admit, you seem really prepared for all of this." Lincoln admitted.
"Yeah, well, when you find yourself being humiliated by a goose, you kinda have to question if you've been too overconfident lately." Rick confessed. "Can't let shit go down like that again. Anyway, it's important our non-plan starts randomly, so we have to wait until we're not ready."
Lincoln gave Rick a confused look. "And how long will that take?"
"Obviously, we can't know that."
"Can we do things while we wait?" Hephaestus asked.
"Yes." Rick then took a seat before getting out a portable gaming console. "I'm gonna play Imagine Balls."
Lincoln gave Rick a surprised look. "Wait, you like Imagine Balls?"
Rick shrugged. "Eh. To be honest, I've been starting to lose interest in it lately. Seriously, why is literally every female character in this franchise a damsel in distress?"
As Rick played, Veltriloquiver decided to take a look outside at the night sky. "Strange. Considering the time, Cassiopeia's primary star should be collinear with Orion and Ursa Minor." Everyone gave Veltriloquiver an odd look. "You don't shoot arrows that carry your voice without picking up a little astronomy."
Rick's eyes then widened. "Wait a minute. Jesus, no." He got up and ran outside with Lincoln following after him. "No! No! We've already been heisted!"
"What? But how?" Lincoln asked. "Heistotron hasn't even been here yet."
Rick grabbed Lincoln's shoulders. "He has been here! We've been watching a recorded sky on playback."
"Hello, Rick." Everyone heard Heistotron's voice coming from somewhere as the recorded sky turned off, revealing that the entire planet had been taking to a gigantic space station that Heistotron had built.
"Ok, guys, change of plans." Rick said, about to run back into the garage before Randotron spoke.
"Random time detected."
Rick's eyes widened. "No, Randotron, it's not a good time."
"That's why it's random." Randotron then shot all of the crew members with darts.
...
Thanks to Randotron, the crew members had each gone off to do something random. Hephaestus climbed to the top of a grocery store to start doing push-ups. Veltriloquiver flew a helicopter over to the Antarctic to start running around in the snow. Carlos had gone home and started putting random things in the oven, much to Rosa's horror. Lincoln had put a sock over his hand before he went out to play on the road. Mr. Poopybutthole hosted a livestock auction while Lynn was in the living room, pretending to be a dog as she played with Walt and Geo while Rita and Lynn Sr. gave her a concerned look.
Eventually, Rick entered the main control room of Heistotron's space station, shuffling in on his butt. As he shuffled across a bridge that took form as he went across it, he saw Heistotron on a high platform with wires coming from it, connected to the platform. "I've been expecting you, Rick."
"But not like this, right?" Rick asked.
"It hardly matters."
"Oh yeah? Does this?" Rick then got out a dove before putting it into his mouth. Somehow, he then took an egg out of his mouth before cracking it open. The egg somehow hatched a hamster.
"No. Your randomness does not confuse me. You are here now. That was the plan."
Rick stood up. "I know. It was part of mine, too. I've got something to tell you."
"Let me guess. When you invented me and Randotron, you swapped our brains."
"That's right, buddy. You're not the one that's very good at planning. You've been making this shit up the whole time."
"Rick, I think there's something you should know."
...
"OW! That hurts!" Lynn exclaimed as Lincoln tried to get the ointment off of her.
"Jesus, Lynn, could you stop being such a little baby?" Rick asked as he went over to help. While he was distracted, Heistotron swapped places with Randotron.
...
Rick held his chin in thought. "That is something I should know, or at least something I should have predicted, which I did."
...
"Lincoln, you coming?" Rick asked Lincoln. While Lincoln took a moment to think about it as Lynn gave him a hopeful stare, Rick took the opportunity to swap the labels for Heistotron and Randotron.
...
"Impressive." Heistotron (or Randotron) complimented. "But what does it even matter if I'm random or planned? My heists will still rule."
Rick smirked. "Well, if the brain inside of you is actually Heistotron's, it matters, because it explodes when it hits six levels of contrivance."
"Which is exactly why even before..." It appeared that the robot was Heistotron as it short circuited before exploding.
Rick smirked until he somehow heard Heistotron's voice as the space station started glowing green. "Initiate clap sequence. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Adjusting clap rate. Clap, clap. Clap. Clap. Clap. Slow clap achieved. Clap." A platform then rose up which Heistotron standing on it. "Well done, Rick."
Rick gave it a surprised look. "Randotron?"
"I'm afraid not." A set of stairs extended down from the platform to where Rick was. Heistotron then walked past him and over to the door where Rick came in from. "Not only did you just kill your only ally, what you thought was a random non-plan to get to me has been a meticulously choreographed way of bringing you all in." At that moment, the rest of the crew entered the control room, shuffling in on their butts. "Welcome to Heistotron's 7.9 Billion."
"That's impressive. Did you bring us in so that everybody would be here when I reveal that you're gonna explode after nine reveals?"
"I am aware of how you programmed me."
This actually caught Rick off guard as he blinked in surprise. "Excuse me?"
"I know how this plays out. You are to reveal that everything I know was programmed for me to believe and that everything I have done was part of your master plan. At which point, I would be programmed to self destruct. I was able to discover this due to a flaw in your programming."
"A flaw? The fuck are you talking about?"
"You programmed me to always look for the next big score and to assimilate all life as part of my crew. However, you also programmed me to steal no other planet than Earth. Due to your conflicting programming, I was able to figure out your master plan. Which is why I have done this." An arm then extended out from Heistotron, holding a glowing, white orb.
Rick stared in shock while the rest of the crew looked at Rick in confusion. "What the? How the fuck did you get that?!"
"Bet you didn't see that coming?" Heistotron taunted.
Rick's expression turned into one of anger as he got out a laser gun and shot Heistotron, destroying it. He then ran over and rolled up his sleeve before picking up the orb and putting it in his pocket.
"Um, what just happened?" A confused Carlos asked.
"We're done. We beat Heistotron. Good job everyone." Rick praised as the space station started to crumble. "Shit, alright let's save the Earth and get the fuck out of here!"
...
After saving the Earth, the crew all went their separate ways as Rick, Lincoln and Lynn returned to the garage. Upon returning, Rick put on a glove before picking up the orb in his pocket, observing it. "What is that?" Lincoln asked.
"It's an infinity ball, Lincoln. It's the most powerful item in the universe. There's literally only one of these per universe." Rick explained.
Lincoln stared at the orb, wide eyed. "What does it do?"
Rick narrowed his eyes at Lincoln. "Yeah, wouldn't you like to know. All you need to know is that it's dangerous. You do not want to grab these kinds of balls. I've heard stories about Ricks that managed to get their hands on one of these. It gets pretty fucked up. I'm talking Evangelion levels of fucked up. You do not want to fuck with this shit. It's a good thing Heistotron was just a robot. If it was an actual person, we would not have made it out of there alive." Rick then went over and placed the infinity ball into a container. "Trust me, you're better off just forgetting you ever saw this."
Lincoln decided to take Rick's word for it as he watched him put the container away. Lincoln then turned to Lynn, only to frown as he noticed she had a depressed look on her face. "Um...do you still want to watch a heist movie together?"
"I don't...think I want to watch any more heist movies..." Lynn admitted in a defeated tone.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I just...I just need to be alone right now." Lynn then trudged out of the garage.
After Lynn left, Rick let out a sigh. "Well, at least she won't bother me about any more adventures."
Lincoln then remembered what Heistotron said. Suddenly, everything started to click inside Lincoln's head. "Rick, did you...plan out this entire adventure?"
Rick let out another sigh. "Look, Lincoln, I'll be straight with you. It was the easiest way to make sure Lynn wouldn't want to come on another adventure."
Lincoln remembered how awful Rick had been to Lynn the entire adventure and gave him an appalled look. "How could you do that to Lynn?"
Rick started getting angry. "Look, I spent three months searching the universe looking for that shit stain! Do you think I want to put myself through that again after her next temper tantrum?!"
Lincoln slowly shook his head in horror. "All of this just for that? That guy died because of your plan."
"Jesus, Lincoln, who cares? The guy was a thief. And besides, for every version of him that's dead, there's a million other versions of him that are still alive. Don't you get it at this point? It doesn't fucking matter! Besides, who are you to talk? It's not like you haven't killed people to get what you want."
Lincoln looked aghast. "I-I only ever did that to protect my family and friends!"
"What, like Krombopulous Michael? Who were you protecting when you killed him? A dangerous fart cloud? Face it, Lincoln, you only do this shit for validation. Isn't that the reason you always feel the need to help?"
As much as Lincoln wanted to argue back, he realised that in a way, Rick was right. A part of him did help people to feel validated. Did that mean he only killed those people to validate himself? A distraught look appeared on his face as it finally hit him what he had done. He murdered people. He really was no better than Rick in that regard.
Lincoln looked like he was about to be sick.
Seeing this, Rick's expression softened. "Ok, look, it's not a big deal, ok? Like I said, it doesn't matter if those guys are dead. Look, I saw the way you were when you were detoxified. There's no need for you to try and validate yourself. You should just do what feels right to you."
Lincoln started to look downcast. Maybe Rick was right. Maybe the right thing to do was to stop trying to help all the time. After all, most times he ever tried to help, it just lead to more problems. And if trying to help would lead him to murder people, perhaps it was best if he quit. "Yeah...you're right."
Seeing Lincoln's expression, Rick started to wonder if he was doing the right thing.
...
Lucy was working on her poems when she heard Lynn come in before slumping onto her bed. Lucy paid her no mind as she continued working on her poems until she heard some faint sobbing. Lucy turned to give Lynn a concerned look. "Lynn? Are you okay?"
"Get out."
"Huh?"
"GET OUT!" Lynn got up and screamed into Lucy's face, causing her to flinch before she grabbed her notebook and ran out of the room. She stood outside of the door for a moment before deciding that it was probably best to leave Lynn alone for a while.
...
Rick, Lincoln and Mr. Poopybutthole all sat on the roof of the Loud house. Lincoln was playing with a portable gaming console while Rick and Mr. Poopybutthole were both drinking a beer, staring up at the cloudy sky. "Oooh weee! Big storm coming." Mr. Poopybutthole remarked.
"Could be a twister." Rick added.
"Mm-hmm!" A moment later, Mr. Poopybutthole asked. "Hey, Rick? Can you walk me through something?"
"Yeah. What are you thinking?"
"So, you knew you needed my help, but you weren't sure I was good enough at karate, so you hired my grad students to attack me?"
"Yep." Rick responded before taking a drink.
"But it was an emergency, Rick. How long did that take?"
"It actually took less training than you'd think." Rick took another drink. "Your students all shared a pretty keen aptitude for martial arts. I don't know if that's by coincidence or if there's some correlation with their passion for African-American Women's Studies. Maya Angelou did personify both acquiescence and perseverance." The three could hear lightning coming from the distance.
"Ooo wee. That's exactly the kind of connection I'd have loved to explore in my class." There was a short silence before Mr. Poopybutthole spoke again. "Too bad I lost my job for putting my students in the hospital." Upon hearing this, Lincoln gave Mr. Poopybutthole a concerned look. Though as much as he wanted to say something, he decided it was probably best to stay out of it. Despite how much he hated the idea of everyone he knew getting wrapped up in their family drama.
"Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that." Rick apologised.
"Mm-hmm!"
Finding that he was too distracted to play his game, Lincoln turned it off and decided to look up at the cloudy sky. A storm was definitely approaching.