AN-Don't take this chapter too seriously.
...
A golden train rides through the cosmos. Inside one of the train's cars, which also doubled as a bar, a middle aged, moustached man enters. He immediately walks into one of the train's workers. "Tickets please." The elderly man wearing a red jacket and a conductor's hat asked.
The other man silently handed his ticket to him, who then tore off half of it before handing the other half back to him. The car he was currently in was filled with an assortment of different aliens. He took a seat at one of the stools. Before he could say anything, the human man sitting next to him speaks up. "Barkeep. A drink for my colleague."
The man gave the other guy an odd look. He was a menacing looking man with a unibrow and thick sideburns. "Do I know you?"
"I know the only reason to travel by train is to travel with weapons. And we all know that at the end of this line, There's only one creature worth killing." The other man explained before taking a drink. "The man in the white coat." He took another drink. "May as well take turns exchanging stories. Mine begins on planet Ramamama."
...
On a dark, foreboding planet, there was a dark, nightmarish castle surrounded by a moat filled with acid. The man with the unibrow, then dressed like an evil overlord, was the king of this castle as he sat on his throne next to a pit of acid. A one-eyed alien was hanging over the pit. "Lower him into acid." The Ramamaman King ordered. His minions obliged, dropping the alien into the acid. "Once he's dissolved, lower someone else into acid." He waited a moment. "Is he dissolved?" One of his minions shrugged. He facepalmed. "At least use the downtime to reset the acid lowerer." He folded his arms, petulantly. "I really don't like the attitude around here. It's a very 'lower me into acid' attitude."
Suddenly, the door to the throne room slammed open as Rick stepped inside. "Who are you?" The Ramamaman King asked.
"Amogus." Rick replied.
"Excuse me?"
Rick then got out a laser gun and shot him in the head. "That was easy." He remarked before using his portal gun to quickly escape before the minions had any time to react.
...
The man gave the Ramamaman King a confused look. "Wait, then how are you even alive now?"
"My resurrection was a long and complicated process that involved-"
"You know, on second thought, it's alright, I don't really need to know." The man interrupted him.
The Ramamaman King took another drink. "So... Why are you going to kill Rick Sanchez?"
"Ok, I don't know who that is. I don't accept your weird leap in logic that has everyone on a train going to kill one guy. And even if I did, why would we take turns telling stories about it like little girls at a sleepover?" The man asked.
The Ramamaman King glared at him. "If you're trying to be hurtful, you're doing a good job."
"I'll take his turn." A clam alien spoke up. "Here's why I'm going to kill Rick Sanchez."
The man stood up. "You guys have fun with this." He said before walking away."
"Dissolve to a clam-shaped sun rising over a giant beach." The clam alien rambled to the others.
The man let out a sigh of relief upon entering the next car, only to stare in confusion as this car resembled a rather cosy, Christmas themed cabin where the aliens were all sitting around an alien that looked like Santa if he was made of candy. "By then, of course, he had left toys and flesh drops for every one of us in the spore-hive." The alien then noticed the man. "Ah, a newcomer! I suppose you think you have a better story about how Rick Sanchez saved space Christmas."
"What is with the Rick Sanchez obsession?" The man asked, only to receive laughter from everyone in response.
A short alien with pink skin and a big head then stepped forward. "I think the best way to answer that is with my Christmas Rick tale."
...
Rick and the alien were riding a red sled down the street, laughing all the way until they were stopped by a pile of snow in front of the Loud House. "Whoo!" The alien cheered. "Could've used Rudolph tonight!"
Rick was picking up some presents that had fallen out of the sled. He looked through the window to see his family having Christmas dinner. "Oh, thank god. I'm not too late. I don't know how to thank you, Goomby."
"No need, you just go in there and have a nice time." Goomby replied.
"Hey why don't you come in and celebrate Christmas with us?" Rick offered.
Goomby gave Rick a surprised look. "O-Oh, is that okay? I don't want to intrude or be a bother or anything."
Rick smiled. "Hey, don't worry about it. My family's a pretty open and accepting bunch, I'm sure they'd love to have you over."
Goomby beamed. "Well if you insist!" The two then went inside the house.
...
"Now wasn't that a nice, heartwarming story that had no cynical twist to it whatsoever?" Goomby asked.
The man stared in confusion. "Uh, I guess, but you didn't even save Christmas in that story. Not that I was invested or anything but-"
The man was cut off as Goomby stepped towards him threateningly. "Tell your Christmas Rick story!"
"Step the hell back! Back!" The man shouted as he got out a gun. The aliens obliged as the man backed away from them before going into the next car.
A moment after entering the empty car, a human woman then ran into it, panting. She had blonde hair, tied up in a ponytail and was wearing a black jacket. The man aimed his gun at her, causing her to put her hands up. "You start teeing up a Rick Sanchez vignette, and you'll be doing it through two holes."
"Please don't shoot!" The woman pleaded. "I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with this train."
"Do you remember getting on it?"
"No. All I remember is..."
...
The woman stepped into a a car with red lights. The elderly worker stepped out from behind a plant. "Tickets please." She handed him her ticket and stepped forward before another woman in the car with her back turned to her started talking to her.
"So, why did you date Rick Sanchez?" The woman asked. The woman resembled some kind of ice queen and was smoking a cigarette.
The woman gave her a grossed out look. "What?"
The Ice Queen turned to face her. "Oh, you don't have to pretend you didn't date him. We all did." She referenced to all the other women in the car. "We get it. Low point in your life, rebound from an ex, et cetera."
"I have no idea what you're talking about." The woman stated.
The Ice Queen chuckled. "Oh, exactly. In fact, and get this, when he met my family..."
...
The woman was cut off as the man fired his gun, just barely missing her. "What the heck was that for?!" The woman shouted.
"I warned you not to do that." The man stated.
"I wasn't trying."
"You don't have to. The train is obviously amplifying and linking unrelated narrative fields."
The woman raised an eyebrow at the man. "Wait, Rick?"
The man's eyes widened before he injected himself with something that caused his body to transform back to normal. "You know, I'm little embarrassed that you recognised me first, Lincoln." Rick admitted.
Lincoln took of his mask and pressed a button on his outfit that caused his body to transform back into normal. "You're the only one I know who keeps trying to be meta about everything."
Rick narrowed his eyes. "Big talk from someone who literally talks to his own audience to explain basic plot details." He shook his head. "Anyway, we're getting off track."
"Where's the engine?" Lincoln asked.
"It's not a real train, it's a story device. Literally. A literal literary device. Quite literally metaphorically containing us."
Lincoln slowly shook his head. "I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Come on, Lincoln, you're kind of a writer, you should know what I'm talking about."
"So, are you saying this is like a simulation?"
"Worse. An anthology."
"So how do we hijack it?"
Rick smiled. "Oh, Lincoln, it's been hijacked for at least two full minutes. Are you not hearing this insane conversation?" Rick then heard someone else enter the car. He instantly turned around, aiming his gun. "Ok, tickets please guy, stop the anthology. If we wanted one-offs, we'd do interdimensional cable."
There was a moment of silence before the Tickets Please Guy spoke. "Do you... could you come a bit closer?"
"Why? So you could knock my gun out of my hand and attack me while I'm unarmed? What do I look like? An idiot?" The Tickets Please Guy let out an angry shout and tried to charge forward, only to get shot in the head. "Well that was stupid. Seriously, what was he expecting to happen there?"
An green alien then burst into the room. "Nooooo! You can't do that?"
Rick aimed his gun at him confused. "Uh, excuse me?"
"What about the scene where the Tickets Please Guy was in a simulation? And then he starts arguing with his family and his torso comes off and he floats in the sir spinning and bleeding everywhere. I didn't really understand what was happening but I thought it was funny!"
"Well that sounds disturbing." Lincoln remarked, cringing.
Rick raised an eyebrow. "I mean, if you really wanted to see that exact same scene again with no changes made to it whatsoever, why not just rewatch the original scene?"
"NOOOOOO!" The alien screamed before his head randomly exploded.
There was a moment of silence before Rick's eyes widened. "Oh God. I just realised something."
"What is it?" Lincoln asked.
"I was wrong, Lincoln, this train isn't just a literary device made for telling anthologies. It's deeper than that. There's layers to this shit. This train is a device used to dismiss criticism."
Lincoln did a double take. "Wait, what? Criticism from who?"
"I don't know. I just know that this train solely exists to address someone else. Whether it be criticisms, expectations or something else."
"That seems kinda petty and childish."
"It is. But don't worry. We're still in control. We've just got to out meta the meta. No matter how annoying and grating the meta humour starts getting."
Lincoln rubbed his chin. "If this train was made to address someone, does that mean someone's watching us, right now?"
"I think you're right, Lincoln."
...
The train cops stared at what was going on through a screen displaying security camera footage. "Shit, they're onto us!" One of them panicked.
"What do we do now?" Another cop asked.
"Everyone, relax." The main officer assured everyone. "Just because they've figured out how to out meta the meta doesn't mean they're just gonna appear out of nowhere. They can't break the rules of structural story telling that much."
All of the train cops then disappeared before Rick and Lincoln then entered the car. "What room is this for?" Lincoln asked.
"Nothing important, it's just a place for us to find a plot device."
"Plot device?"
Lincoln searched through one of the draws before getting out a map of the train. "Here we go." He placed it on a desk.
"Why is it a circle?" Lincoln asked.
"Because it's a metaphor." Rick answered. He pointed to some of the cars on the map. "Okay, here's where the stupid vignettes were. So now we're here, and the engine must be here." He then groaned.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm just thinking about how we're supposed to out meta this next bit. I suppose we could just skip it and just go to the engine but that seems like a cheap an easy option that'll just make everything feel rushed."
Lincoln massaged his temples. "This is starting to make my head spin."
Rick gave him an annoyed look. "Ok, well, do you have anything to offer other than complaining?"
Lincoln thought for a moment. "Why don't you make us some space suits and we try getting to the engine from the outside?"
Rick smiled. "Great plan, Lincoln. Always knew I could count on you."
...
It was the middle of the night. Rick and Birdperson were sat out in the middle of an open field with their backs to each other. Rick stared up at the night sky with tears in his eyes. "Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?" He sung.
Birdperson closed his eyes, trying to keep the tears in but failing. "I could really use a wish right now. Wish right now. Wish right now."
...
"Sure, that was a great moment, But it was hardly the best time Rick and Lincoln were musical." An alien on stage explained to his audience. "Who can forget-"
An alien from the audience raised his hand. "You know making meme references is a lazy substitute for a joke, right?"
The alien on stage stared at him for a moment before smiling. "Well it looks to me like we have a sussy baka in the audience." He then got out a gun, shot the heckler and then shot himself.
...
Meanwhile outside, Rick and Lincoln, now wearing space suits, were walking across the cars. "Keep moving, we have to get to the return threshold." Rick ordered.
Lincoln looked nervous. "Do you think anything will happen that might raise the tension?"
"What's the point of tension when we all know how this is gonna end anyway?" Rick asked.
Eventually, the two reached the car where the engine is though it was blocked by a bunch of magical rings with symbols on them. "That's the thematic seal." Rick explained. "Gotta find a way to disrupt it." He opened up a hatch before turning to Lincoln. "Ok, Lincoln, tell a story unrelated to us."
"What kind of story?"
"Just something that goes against the theming." Rick thought for a moment. "You know, for a moment, I was gonna bring up the Bechdel test. You know, the formula for measuring female agency in a story that requires two women with names talking about something other than a man but then I realised that if we hadn't passed it at this point then something's gone horribly wrong."
Lincoln raised an eyebrow. "I thought the Bechdel test was about lesbian women having little to no visibility and feeling alienated by society."
Rick scowled at Lincoln. "Alright smartass, if you know better, you should be able to come up with your own story."
"Ok, um..."
...
"Mwahahaha!" Laughed a supervillain carrying a large laser gun as she fired it off randomly into the city. She was a teenage girl wearing a black outfit (and also happened to resemble Tammy). "Cower fools! You can't get rid of The Blank Suit!"
"That's what you think!"
"Huh?" The Blank Suit looked up into the sky, only for a deck of cards to get thrown in her face. "Gah!" As The Blank Suit stumbled back, Ace Savvy flew down and took the opportunity to steal her laser gun from her. "Ugh!" He then jabbed the gun into her gut, knocking her into the ground before using his lightning fast speed to tie her up.
Ace Savvy chuckled. "Sorry, Blank Suit. No matter how much you gamble, the house always wins."
The Blank Suit growled in anger. "You won't stop me from getting my revenge, Ace Savvy! Just you wait and see!"
...
The thematic seal disappeared. "Huh. Good job, Lincoln. Guess the answer to being overly meta is to not be meta at all." Rick remarked as he and Lincoln jumped down and entered the car in front of them.
Lincoln tapped his chin. "Isn't that it's own form of meta though?"
"Don't overthink it. Hey, look." Rick pointed towards a control panel. The two took off their space suits and ran towards it. "Alright, now where's the-"
"Rick and Lincoln."
Rick and Lincoln turned around to see a human man with grey hair and a beard. He was wearing a strange, white coat and holding a cup of coffee. "Oh, there he is." Rick said plainly. "Look, 'Story Lord', I know this train is just a vehicle for peddling meta commentary, you can drop the act."
Story Lord chuckled. "Oh, you don't know the half of it. Allow me to drop some harsh truths on you then. You two are actually-"
"Fictional characters from a cartoon." Rick interrupted him. "Yeah, I-I figured that out by now."
Lincoln stared at Rick in shock. "Wait, WHAT?!"
Story Lord chuckled. "Oh, it's much worse than that. You're actually characters in a fanfiction based on two animated shows."
Rick's eyes widened. "Oh, wow, uh... that is much worse than what I thought. Though that would explain all the crossover shit."
"This coming from someone who made a cameo in Space Jam 2?"
"Oh, low blow, man."
Story Lord laughed again. "There's more." He pointed towards Lincoln. "You're from a Nickelodeon show that fell off at the third season, nowadays spending more episodes with a rather boring group of friends than with your family while becoming stupider every episode."
He then pointed at Rick. "And you're from an Adult Swim show that...coincidentally, also fell off at the third season. Nowadays, your adventures involve giant sperm monsters, incest babies and watching a horse woman give birth to your hybrid baby."
Rick raised an eyebrow. "Jesus, did we devolve into Family Guy level shock humour or something?"
Story Lord smirked. "Oh, I didn't think you'd be brave enough to insult canon. Do you know why this story really exists? It's quite funny actually, for all your talk about being in control and staying on top, you've quite often found yourself as someone else's mouth piece, used to spout their opinions on movies or other such topics. This train isn't much different. It was made to criticise both fan and network expectations. As Rick in canon would say, things were starting to get a little too serialised."
"Yeah, well, fuck canon Rick then."
Lincoln stared at Rick nervously. "Uh, are you sure you should be saying something like that."
Rick shrugged. "I've insulted nearly every other Rick I've ever met. What makes 'canon' Rick so special? If he, or whoever's using him as a mouthpiece, has such an issue with things being serialised, maybe they shouldn't have added elements of serialisation to begin with."
"I wasn't sure if you really had the balls to insult the sacred timeline." Story Lord remarked in amusement.
Rick scowled. "There's no such thing as a sacred timeline, you tool. Every universe is equally pointless. Anyone says their timeline is 'the sacred one' is a fucking narcissist."
Story Lord raised his cup. "Spoken like someone still coming to terms with the fact that he's simply a fanfic author's interpretation of a Rick."
"Fuck you!" Rick cursed before firing his laser gun at him.
However, Story Lord, faster than either Rick or Lincoln could see, quickly dodged it before closing the gap between him and Rick, knocking the laser gun out of his hand. He then tossed his cup aside before ripping off his coat, revealing his incredibly shredded body, possessing bulging muscles and a six pack.
"Jesus Christ!" Rick exclaimed.
"How was he hiding all that underneath his coat?!" Lincoln asked.
"Oh, what's wrong? Can't make a meta joke about how you've seen this before?" Story Lord taunted before chuckling. "Oh, that's right, you can't!"
Both Rick and Lincoln started to get nervous as Story Lord approached them. "Uh, do you think we could settle this conflict without violence?" Rick asked.
His pleading fell on deaf ears as he punched Rick in the face before kicking Lincoln, sending him down to the floor.
"Oof!"
"Ow!"
Story Lord then picked Lincoln up. "Fucking kick your ass!" He growled before head butting him and throwing out of the window.
...
Lincoln gasped as jolted awake. As he took in some deep breaths, he looked around the room he was in. He appeared to be in a hospital as he was currently wearing a hospital gown while sitting on a hospital bed.
A moment after he woke up, the lights went on as his family ran into the room. "He's awake! Oh thank goodness!" Rita cried as she and Lynn Sr. wrapped Lincoln in a hug.
"Mom? Dad? What happened?"
"Don't you remember, sweetie?" Rita asked.
"After that car accident, you've been in a coma for the past few months." Lynn Sr. explained.
Lincoln stared at Lynn Sr. in shock. After taking a moment to let the revelation set in, he asked. "Where are my sisters? And Grandpa Rick?"
Rita and Lynn Sr. exchanged a confused glance. "Sweetie, you don't have any sisters." Rita explained.
"And the only grandpas you have are Pop-Pop and Grandpa Leopold." Lynn Sr. added.
Lincoln's brow furrowed in confusion. "But...how can..." He rubbed his aching head. "Are you saying none of that was real?"
Lynn Sr. placed a comforting hand on Lincoln's shoulder. "It's okay, Lincoln. From what I've heard, a lot of kids dream about having crazy, alternate lives when they're in a coma."
"What matters is that you're finally awake." Rita added.
"Yeah, you're with your real family now, Lincoln! Believe it!" Lincoln's adopted brother, Naruto, assured him.
Lincoln smiled as he tried to get out of bed. "Thanks, Naruto. I..." He then realised something was off. "Wait a minute...whoa!" Lincoln suddenly tripped up.
...
Rick pulled Lincoln back from outside the window. "What the?!" Lincoln exclaimed.
"Don't worry, Lincoln!" Rick assured him. "Nothing out there is canon! Or whatever the equivalent of it is here because technically none of this is canon."
Story Lord then punched Rick before grabbing Lincoln and throwing him out of the window again.
...
"Oof!" Lincoln groaned upon tripping on the floor.
"Mamma mia! Are you okay, Lincoln?" Super Mario asked as he helped Lincoln up.
"I'm okay." Lincoln assured him. "Thanks Mario."
"No problem. So why did you run away from home and come to the Mushroom Kingdom?"
Lincoln scowled. "It's my family. My sisters are awful. All they ever do is abuse me and take advantage of me and my parents never do anything about it! All they've done is make my life miserable. They have no redeeming traits whatsoever!"
"Oh my!"
"The last straw was then they all kicked me out of this house for thinking I was bad luck!"
"Mamma mia!" Mario exclaimed. "Well, don't-a worry, Lincoln. You're completely perfect and have no flaws whatsoever! In fact, Imma gonna adopt you!"
Lincoln beamed. "Really? Thanks Mario!"
"And Imma gonna kill your family."
Lincoln's smile faded. "...wait, what?"
"Imma gonna take 'em out." Mario stated as he got out a glock pistol.
"I think that may be going a bit too far."
"Imma make 'em beg for mercy."
"This seems a little unnecessary."
"Imma bring the day of reckoning upon them."
As Mario walked off, Lincoln reached out to to stop him. "Wait!"
...
Rick grabbed Lincoln's arm to pull him back into the train. Afterwards, Story Lord grabbed Rick and started repeatedly punching him in the face. "M-Mario..." Lincoln mumbled.
"Lincoln, never forget the highest truth of all... You're getting your ass kicked on a train." Rick told him as he was getting continuously punched. Story Lord then kicked Lincoln away before tossing Rick through the window.
...
"Ugh..." Rick groaned he regained consciousness, currently lying on the floor of his garage. "Jesus, what happened last night?"
"Aw geez, Rick, are you okay?"
Rick looked up to see Morty looking down at him. He sighed. "I'm fine, Morty." He said as he stood up. "But man, I had the craziest dream last night. I-I dreamt about having a completely different family. I had a son who had like ten daughters alongside just one son. It was wild."
"Aw geez, that seems like a lot of kids to take care of." Morty remarked.
"Yeah, it was weird. The family was like the kind of family you'd see on a Nickelodeon show. I kinda stuck out like a sore thumb next to them."
Morty looked somewhat uncomfortable. "Hey, uh, not that I don't find your dream interesting or anything but I kinda need to tell you something, Rick."
Rick raised his brow. "What is it, Morty?"
"It's just that, uh..." Morty started to look frustrated. "Look, I just can't do this any more, man. All these adventures and stuff. Dealing with all of this is really traumatising. It-It's just too much. So I told my family."
Rick stared at Morty in shock before scowling. "Sorry, what did you tell them?"
"Everything."
At that moment, Beth, Jerry and Summer entered the garage. Rick put on a nervous smile. "Oh, hey guys, what's uh...what's happening."
Beth sighed. "Dad, I love you. And I'll admit I deserve some of the blame for turning a blind eye to all of this but..." She started to look angry. "What you've done with Summer and Morty is completely unacceptable. You could have gotten them killed!"
Summer hugged herself, looking somewhat ashamed of herself. "I can't believe I actually used to look up to you."
"It's over Rick. You're done. I want you out of this house right now!" Jerry ordered.
"Uh, since when could you tell me what to do, Jerry?" Rick was then taken aback as Jerry punched him hard in the face, sending him to the ground. "Gah! What the hell, Jerry?"
Jerry shrugged. "What's wrong, Rick? You always said I was a wimp who needed to stand up for myself instead of using pity to survive like a parasite. Do you suddenly have an issue with me doing the opposite now?" He asked before kicking Rick in the gut.
"Ugh!"
"Besides, who's more of a parasite when you've used mine and Beth's personal and marital issues to get your own way?"
Rick slowly got back up. "Look, you're right, l-let's just talk this out."
"No." Jerry replied before grabbing Rick's shoulders and throwing him out of the garage.
...
Story Lord pulled Rick back into the train, holding onto both him and Lincoln. "You know, you two really are a goldmine for meta commentary. I suppose that does make sense though since you're both beacons for controversy." He then took the two to some kind of yellow panel on the wall that formed rings around their neck and arms, trapping them. "In you go!"
"What's happening?" Lincoln asked.
"The reason I brought you here." Story Lord explained. "I'll now fuel my meta commentary with your limitless controversy, propelling it to its final stop... beyond the fifth wall." He flipped a switch on a nearby machine. A mechanical arm then started moving, shooting beams of electricity at Rick and Lincoln.
"You do realise meta commentary just gets exhausting and irritating at a certain point, right?" Rick asked.
Story Lord grinned. "I don't care." He then flipped another switch.
"What's he doing?" Lincoln asked, panicking.
"He's trying to tap into us, Lincoln. Resist!" Rick explained. The two then tried to resist but to no avail.
...
Lincoln stood in the middle of a battlefield as Royal Woods had become completely destroyed. He stared at Lori in shock as she stood by Tammy, reaching her arm towards Lincoln. "Please, Lincoln. Come with us. You know it's the right thing to do."
"Lincoln no!" Lincoln turned around to see Leni, stood beside an injured Rick. "Lincoln, we're family! Please don't do this. Stay with us!" She also reached arm towards Lincoln.
...
Rick and Lincoln grunted in pain.
...
Rick stood inside President Lincoln's office, laser gun in hand and tears in his eyes. "Why? Why did it have to end like this?" He asked.
President Lincoln was on his knees with a sad smile on his face. "Just..." He pulled Rick's hand until his laser gun was aimed at his forehead. "Put an end to me already."
...
"Is this the future?" Lincoln asked.
"No, he's mocking what people want to see! Or maybe what they're expecting to see. I'm not totally sure." Rick explained.
Story Lord chuckled. "Oh dear. Is Rick Sanchez getting concerned about how people perceive him?" He then turned a dial on the machine, amplifying it's intensity.
...
Rick and Lincoln (wearing his Ace Savvy outfit), along with the Pines twins, Steven Universe, Star Butterfly, Anne Boonchuy and Luz Noceda, were in a huge, space station's throne room where the greatest evil their universe had ever known faced them.
"It's over, Boon!" Star exclaimed as she transformed into her butterfly form.
"We're not gonna let you hurt anyone else!" Steven stated as he summoned his shield.
Rick gave him a pleading look. "Look, Noob-Noob, I-I know you feel insecure about how the Vindicators treated you but there's better ways to deal with it than this!"
Boon, who was actually just Noob-Noob now wearing a blue supervillain outfit, scowled at Rick. "Got damn it, Rick! You never really respected me! Nobody did until I got these!" He raised up his arm, which was wearing a shiny, glittery glove that had all of the infinity balls attached to it. "With the infinity glove and all the infinity balls, I can do whatever I want now. I'll uh... I'll start by making half the universe disappear!"
Everyone gasped. "You can't do that, Noob-Noob! You can't just rip off Infinity War like that!" Rick pleaded.
Boon grinned. "Watch me!" He then snapped his fingers.
"NO!"
...
"Resist, Lincoln! Resist before he burns us out!" Rick shouted as he struggled.
"Oh, too late now!" Story Lord exclaimed before turning to Rick. "What's wrong, Rick? Run out of meta commentary?" He laughed.
...
Rick and Lincoln stood at the centre of the universe as they, alongside every single main character from every piece of media, stared at the God of the universe itself.
"This is it everyone! Get ready!" Sonic the Hedgehog exclaimed.
"If we don't stop it now, it'll be the end of every universe." Batman explained.
"Finally, a worthy opponent!" Goku stated as he powered up.
"Holy freaking crap!" Peter Griffin exclaimed as he stared at the God of the Universe, who's features were indescribable to the human eye.
Walter White stared at the God of the universe in shock, mouth agape, before falling to his knees and collapsing onto the floor, sobbing.
Rick and Lincoln looked around at their surroundings. Rick resisted the urge to make a snarky comment on the situation. "You know, meta humour can be funny when it's done in small doses but when it's beaten into your head like this, it kinda becomes obvious that it's less about humour and more just someone's sad attempt at trying to look smart." He sighed. "I don't think a jab at religion's gonna get us out of this one. Criticising meta commentary is in of itself meta commentary so I'm out of ideas."
Lincoln held his chin in thought as the God of the universe summoned minions of light to fight the main character army. "Well, why not just enjoy this?"
Rick raised a brow. "Excuse me?"
"I mean, you gotta admit, this is kind of cool. Look." Lincoln pointed upwards where Superman and Goku were fighting some minions. "Superman and Goku working together? That's kind of cool." He then pointed towards Mickey Mouse and John Wick helping each other fight a minion. "And I bet you'd never thought you'd see these two together. That's kinda fun."
Rick stared at what was going on for a moment before smiling. "Hey, yeah, it is kinda fun. Hey, what are we doing just talking? Let's help out!" Rick then got out his laser gun and started firing at the minions.
...
Story Lord stared at the two through a portal in shock. "What a second, no! What are you doing?!" The train then came to a stop, powering down. "No! You're no supposed to enjoy this unironically. Stop! Rick Sanchez would never do this. No!"
...
As Rick fired at the minions, one was about to attack Rick from behind, only for it to get disintegrated by a large laser. Rick looked behind him before letting out a sigh of relief. "Thanks, Iron Man."
Iron Man gave Rick a thumbs up. "No problem, Rick."
A portal then appeared as Story Lord came out of it, pushing past the other main characters. "Stop this! This is anti-art! This isn't cinema! STOP ENJOYING THINGS!"
Rick shrugged. "Geez, you can't just turn your brain off and enjoy things once in a while?"
"This is supposed to be a commentary on how-"
"Don't care. Run Lincoln!"
Catching Story Lord off guard, Rick and Lincoln ran past him and through the portal back to the train.
"What? No! Don't leave me here!" Story Lord cried out as the portal closed due to Rick shooting a laser at the machine.
After Rick and Lincoln took a moment to catch their breath, Lincoln said. "You know, I'm not quite sure what I was supposed to take from any of this."
"I think the lesson to take from this is sometimes, listening to criticism helps. I mean, not all the time. Sometimes they suck. It's just good to listen to different perspectives on certain matters and be open to changing your mind."
"Are you sure that's what I'm supposed to learn here."
"Well, either that or learn when to fucking stop because Jesus, I don't want to hear another meta joke or someone's meta commentary as long as I live."
"So what's gonna happen to Story Lord?"
"Who knows. Least he's got company." The two then walked over to the control panel. "Now that we've got all that meta shit out of the way, what do you say we bring this train into the station." Rick pulled a lever, only for it to easily snap off. He then tried pressing a button, only to realise the control panel was completely flat and all of the buttons were fake. He then grabbed the side of it and tore it off, revealing it to just a piece of paper. "Huh. I guess that's the thing about being meta and subversive. It kinda doesn't matter when you're still trapped in that same story circle."
...
Lincoln stared down at the strange toy train and train track Lynn had gotten him. "So, what do you think." Lynn asked somewhat awkwardly. She had gone back to wearing her old grey hoodie and a pair of jeans now that she was done with sports.
"Where did you get this?" Lincoln asked.
"I got it at the citadel. Apparently it's a story train though the Rick I bought it from said it was a 'way better version than the one from that other citadel', whatever that means. Just thought you might like something like this."
Lincoln smiled sincerely at Lynn. "Lynn, I appreciate you doing this for me but you didn't need to buy anything to try and make amends."
Lynn looked somewhat disappointed in herself. "Oh. Then what should I have done."
"I just want you to listen to me more and take my feelings into account. That's all I've ever really wanted."
Lynn thought about the way she'd treated Lincoln in the past before nodding. "Right. I understand now."
Rick then entered the room, quickly noticing the train. "Hey, what's this?"
"It's a story train. I bought it from someone at the citadel." Lynn explained.
Rick gave her a baffled look. "You went to the citadel?"
"Yeah, it didn't really seem that bad. Also, I think a Lincoln's in charge of that place now."
Lincoln gave Lynn a surprised look. "Wait, seriously?"
"Yeah, I think he got elected President or something."
"Uh huh..." Rick had a critical look on his face. "Hey, uh, could you kids do me a favour and just stay away from the citadel from now on?"
Lynn raised an eyebrow. "How come?"
"Look, we don't exactly have a good history with that place. I-I just think it'd be for the best if we stayed away from it."
Lincoln and Lynn gave each other a confused glance.
...
As the battle raged on between the God of the universe and every main character from every piece of media, Story Lord was sat on the ground, not really caring about any of this. "This isn't looking good. How are we supposed to beat it?" Luke Skywalker asked as he used his lightsaber to take down another minion.
"Oh, for God's sakes, just use Saitama from One Punch Man." Story Lord snapped. "Isn't his whole thing that he can defeat anyone with just one punch?"
Everyone then paused before looking towards Saitama. "Oh. Right." Was all he said before he then quickly dashed towards the God of the universe before delivering a punch. The impact caused the God of the universe to explode in a flash of light, enveloping everyone into it.
And also causing the train to malfunction.
...
The three then noticed the train derail itself, falling onto the floor, broken. Lynn gave it an annoyed look. "Seriously?"
"See, that's what happens when you buy stuff from weirdo Ricks. That's why if you ever want anything cool, you come to me and stay away from the citadel, got it?"
Lincoln glanced at the train. "Should we be worried about that?"
Rick waved his hand dismissively. "Meh, I doubt that train will have any impact on our lives whatsoever."