kera69love: I had to look it up for that actually. Yes trouble can occur if you do though from what I was looking up not at much trouble as one would think, which may be why people have still done it. I thought it would be like getting banned from flying or even jail time but I guess that really depends cause not so much from where I was looking. The cramped part though, I really had to do some research on that, IF it's done right, it can be done but yes, it's highly cramped in those stalls. In fact, I watched the 'just married' plane scene just to get an accurate idea of HOW cramped it could be cause I couldn't remember how small those bathrooms were. I haven't been in an airplane bathroom since I was a teenager so I really didn't remember how cramped it was so that was my best reference.

sabina21: thanks and will do.

2 reviews, nice, lets see how you all like the next one, please read, review, and enjoy!

Guilty thoughts bring pleasing forgiveness

Drabble 435

Usagi POV

I tap my pencil on the paper over and over again. The equations aren't making much sense to me though even without the distraction of Chibi Chibi as Luna and Artemis are taking her for a walk for a few hours. I figured out recently how to grant them temporary access to their human forms for a few hours though it does limit their powers. However not only do they need a break from being cats, but I need a break from distractions.

It's bad enough I can't stop thinking about Mamoru and his lack of communication. Especially after all the letters I've written to him to keep him up to date on things here, but now I have Seiya coming over to do some work with me. I'm beginning to wonder if I made a mistake or if I'm just being paranoid about it. Seiya is a friend, that's all. So yeah he sometimes gets a little cocky and for some reason women fawn over him.

He's a celebrity. People do that. So then why do I feel like I'm in the wrong here? Before I can think too much more on it a ring comes at the door.

"Seiya," I mutter, already knowing it's him. I greet him as he comes in and slips off his shoes by the door. My parents are out of town for Shingo's soccer tournament so it's just me in here. I usher him to the living room where I've been working so far.

I've gotten maybe ten problems done but it's getting harder as I go on. He gets set to work as things go fine. In fact things are going so fine that I'm not thinking about Mamoru or his lack of communication with me right now. I'm focused on the math we're working on and getting it done. It's beginning to make sense to me as we get to the last few pages of the problems.

As I go over the next one, as we have been doing and trying to solve it faster than he is, I notice he stops and just is looking at me. It's a tad unnerving as I ask him, "What?"

He opens his mouth slightly and says, "I want to tell you something Usagi…you're a really special girl."

I just stay there stationary. The way he looks at me. Like he's looking at me and not through me, like I'm the only one in the room. Metaphorically speaking too as I know I'm literally the only one in the room with him.

"I ah..." I don't know what to do or say as he continues with, "You smell like lavender and lilac."

I can't help but blush as it's also Mamoru's favorite scent on me. I got his opinion on it a while back and he loved it. Yes he loves the scent of roses too but we both wanted something different for the body mist I have on.

It's one of the few ways I can think of to still tie him to me in memory right now.

"Yeah it's my boyfriend's favorite scent," I tell him a little bit breathlessly. Almost as if without thinking. That's when I see the slight darkening of his eyes. He turns away a bit and it's then that I realize that he might be jealous.

"He got it for me a while back," I add on as he grips the pen harder.

"Yet he's not here," Seiya points out.

I feel the strong urge to defend Mamoru right now. "He's studying to become a doctor in America."

My words aren't harsh but pointed as Seiya looks at me.

"There are programs here in Japan he could have taken to be with you."

I go to retort but can't as I don't know what programs there are out there.

"Mamoru looked over all of his options," I tried as Seiya smiles, "I'm sure he did…which is why he went to America instead of here."

He looks at me, "Cause it's not like American universities are harder than Japan's."

There's a snort of derision in his tone before he continues. "If it had been me in his position…" He leans in closer and me in my tight spot on the floor am a bit stuck unless I make a big noticeable move to get up and away from him. "I'd never have left you."

I gulp and he's being very expressive with himself right Mamoru has too many times before, but that was half the time during a battle of some sort, this is not like that.

"I ah…"

When he places his hand on my leg its warm and almost inviting as he leans closer. I'm frozen. My brain is trying to form coherent thoughts and analyze this for what it is. It's not till his hand slides up a few centimeters that my brain kicks in and I feel a wave of heat hit me.

It's not arousal heat though, no, it's panicked heat. The type that comes from realizing you just let someone in somewhere that you're not comfortable with. While yes he's nice, yes he's sweet and yes I do miss intimate contact, I miss it with Mamoru and this…yes it's nice almost but it goes flat line once I see WHO the hand is attached to.

It's not Mamoru's touch. It's not Mamoru who's inching closer to me. It's not Mamoru who is leaning in for a kiss. My heart is beating like a jackhammer as for a fraction of a second Seiya's lips touch my own before I jerk my head away.

Seiya backs up as I see something unusual behind him. How I didn't see it before is beyond me but it's a picture with me and Mamoru lying flat on the table. I never move that picture. That's when it hits me that he was in here before I was.

I get up and made the small coffee table bounce a bit. "I ah…have to get some water." I walk away before he can say anything else and go to the connecting kitchen and pour myself some water. I down it in record time and find that my hands are a bit shaky. I don't know if it's from guilt over not seeing this sooner from Seiya, or from the almost kiss that nearly happened or if it's from me letting him in for a tiny moment and letting my consuming thoughts about Mamoru go.

I close my eyes and breath in deeply, gripping the counter as I regain control of my breathing, and force myself to focus. I suddenly feel the need to get out of my own skin and having Seiya here isn't helping. The math is nearly done anyways and right now I need to be alone and not feel like I'm doing something wrong cause even though I stopped it mentally speaking I feel that I am.

I feel like a part of me accepted Seiya as more than a friend and I can't let that be. Especially when I don't see him that way. He's my friend and for a small moment I let myself get distracted by him and let his smooth words cloud my judgment for too long of time. If Mamoru had done this I'd be furious at him for allowing himself to nearly be kissed by another girl. It's when I move to turn around that I see Seiya.

He nearly boxes me in as he leans in towards me and for a moment I see him wanting to go for the kiss I ducked out of earlier. That same feeling rises up but more quickly this time. My brain is less fogged and more focused. I raise my hand up to block his kiss as he looks down at my hand.

"I'm with Mamoru," I tell him. He narrows his eyes just a bit as he backs his head up.

"But he's not here." He says.

"Doesn't matter he's being faithful to me and I will do the same for him."

He breaths outward, "You're in pain though."

I swallow."I can feel it. His absence makes you sad."

I can't deny the truth of it, but it doesn't give way to him being right for this.

"Let me make you happy."

I push his body away. "Mamoru makes me happy, and when you and I are FRIENDS I am happy, but this…" I point to between us. "This doesn't make me happy."

I feel guilty for not seeing the signs sooner. I feel bad that for a moment I let myself stop thinking about Mamoru. I feel bad that for a moment Seiya was able to get within kissing range of me cause letting him get THAT close to me was my entire fault. It shouldn't have happened.

Seiya looks at me sharply, "Yet pining away for a man that doesn't care enough to contact you does make you happy?"

His words may be somewhat true but are harsh and mostly untrue.

"He's just busy is all." He frowns. Before he can say another word I tell him, "Listen it's been a good study night so why don't we end it here. The work is pretty much done. Let's call it a night."

He looks taken aback.

"Plus I'm getting a headache and need to rest."

I think he knows I'm lying but turns away and goes to the living room to grab his stuff. I keep myself at arm's length from him and as I escort him to the door, I give him a friendly but polite, "See you at school tomorrow." As he nods and leaves out. I leave my homework on the table and take off upstairs to my room.

I lock the door and throw myself on the bed before I begin to cry as my emotions come out for all of how I feel. The guilt is weighing on me as I bury my face in the pillow. I begin to cry as I go over in my head how the evening went, how I was even a bit charmed by him and feel the more guilt hit me hard.

However, before I can sink too much into a pit of despair I feel warm hands touching me. It's then that I turn around and see Mamoru sitting next to me on the bed.

"How?" I asked in shock at seeing him right here right now in my room. He seems a bit different to me though.

I can't figure out why but at this point I don't care. He cared enough to come out to visit me and I had another guy in my parent's place that wasn't him that was interested in me and I didn't even know it till he made a move on me. What's worse is I almost –

"It's okay Usako…," Mamoru tells me. His words calm my racing thoughts already as I breathe deeply in and out. I can't stop myself anymore though. I've missed him far too much.

"I only want to be with you," I tell him, pulling him to me for a passionate kiss. He gives in with such ease that I know he's been missing me too. We don't let time go to waste as I strip him down as he does with me. Our bodies come together as they always have as he spreads my legs and dives between them. He always did have a way with his tongue that made me cry out for more.

Just as he was gorging out on me I was crying out for him. Enjoying his tongue's actions as he licked me all over my lower lips and sucked on them hard. I reached down and gripped his head, fisting my hands into his hair right as he stopped his loving assault. He moves up and over me, my legs wrap around his waist not wanting to let him go as he pulls himself up to align himself with me. He takes my ankles in his hands and pushes them up.

Once they're pinned up by each side of my head I feel him tease my entrance with his member before caressing my lower lips with the slickness coming from him. I reach down and pull him into me. He keeps himself just out of range, a tease of his if you will. Just when I can't handle the teasing any longer he plunges himself inside of me. I cry out from the pure pleasure that consumes me.

He grunts from the effort and pushes in over and over again. My rump is partially in the air as he plunges in softly yet hard and slow. As if savoring it while giving me fast plunges every fifth thrust. I see him above me, I watch his movements like a panther above his prey…no like a panther above his mate and I'm the chosen mate. I grip onto him and feel him push deeper into me, I feel his cock filling me up.

I still will never know how that massive thing fills me up and gives me such pleasure yet he manages to do it with ease with me. It's like he knows the map to play my body perfectly to rip out orgasms as I give them to him in spades. So when he flips me around, spinning me around on his member I suddenly wind up with my backside pointed up in the air as he slaps my rear and plunges inside from behind.

I'm in a very wonton position with him. Enjoying myself as he takes what is his just as I enjoy what's mine with him. No other man will get me into a position like this or any position like it. I reach back and pull him in as he grabs my hips and pushes himself inside. Yet I can't see him in this one and I miss him so much. Pushing back extra hard I shift till I'm in his lap. He grunts from the change but still continues to push himself inside.

I feel him shifting his legs to widen them up for a better hold on me and I see it as an opportunity for myself. Pulling myself up and off for a brief moment I feel the loss of him as I slip one leg under his body, between his legs and he pulls the other one up and over his shoulder, getting what I'm going for here as he pushes back inside of me. The angle pulls me in deeper than before and allows for better penetration than the last one.

The last one was still good, but this is great. We continue to press at each other. Enjoy the feeling of being together once more. I don't know how he's here right now but I'm not taking it for granted, I'm going to enjoy these moments he's given us and let Seiya be gone from my mind and not let his words get to me. I reach down and pull Mamoru in by his rear. He's got a hand cupping my hip as he pulls me in.

Together we have this amazing push and pull that builds up the moment and momentum. My pulse begins to race as I feel our connection reach its peak levels where we are like this. Like our bodies are becoming one with each other. I don't want it to stop. I want to enjoy this and enjoy feeling him stroking me from the inside. It's an amazing feeling as I press myself onto him. I can hear myself getting more vocal too.

My voice reached higher levels than usual but considering how long it's been for us I'm guessing that's also why Mamoru sounds like he's a growling panther. The pleasure is so intense it feels like we could both burst at any given moment. So when the next set of thrusts hit us both I feel my muscles lock up around him. I feel his shaft slam into me several times, deep grinding slams that leave me sounding like a cat in heat.

My orgasm hits awareness as I feel the heat coming from him as he comes to. We pulse and enjoy the moments while we can as the sex is as explosive as it's ever been. I smile as I see the grin on his face. He's as happy as I am. Once the orgasm runs its course we both slow down before he slowly pulls out. He's still seemingly at half mast as he slides in next to me on the bed.

"Thank you for visiting," I tell him.

He merely smiles, "I will always love you Usako…your mine and you always will be…just as I am yours and I always will be."

His words give me a comfort I didn't know I needed to hear.

"I really am so…"

He puts his hand to my lips. "You have no need to be sorry. Nothing happened."

I nod as he pulls me in for a kiss. It's mere seconds later that during the kiss he disappears.

"That's strange…," I mutter wondering how he did that.