Chapter 16: Overcoming Fear
Damn it! I'm going to join the Scouts! Jean yelled as the tears fell from his eyes.
Armin, Connie and Annie awaited their turn to be inspected by the Military Police; yesterday night someone had killed the captured Titans and now the 104th Cadet Crops were being investigated for a possible suspect, all of this Just hours before they had to choose which branch of the Military they'd join and it seemed everyone, except Armin and Jean, were having second thoughts about joining the Scout Regiment; Connie was now contemplating whether he should join the Military Police, being in the top ten of their class meant they had options; like getting as far away from the Titans as possible. Annie had told them that she was going to join the Military Police to save herself and seemed to question Armin on whether he was willing to lay down his life, to Armin it seemed as though she wanted to talk him out of it.
"Seems like you care more than you let on, Annie" smiled Armin
"I don't, I just want to live" she said simply "the only person I'm looking out for-"
"Mina Carolina, trainee squad thirty four, sir!" Mina announced to the Military police
Annie looked at Mina; throughout the three years of Training Camp Annie had tried to be as distance as she could from everyone else, ultimately knowing that these were the people who she had placed in danger and who she might have to kill if she wanted to complete the mission. But Mina… not matter what Annie did, no matter how cold she was to her, Mina would always try to make the effort to talk to her, make the effort to involve her in other activities, make the effort to get to know her… make the effort to be her friend and in the end Annie considered her a friend.
Annie felt a wave of dread wash over her as the idea that she might have to kill Mina if she got in their way set in.
"Only looking out for who?" asked Armin, bring Annie out of her thoughts
"Never mind" she responded looking at the table "Just know this Armin, they will tell you to sacrifice yourself and die for their goals and you must be willing to say no… willing to put yourself first, don't resign yourself to being fodder for their ambitions." Armin listened carefully to Annie as she gave him her words of wisdom all the while staring at 'her' ODM gear.
The ceremony was held in a fenced off courtyard with a large grand looking stage at the end, Armin, Annie, Mina, Sasha and Connie leaned up against the wall of one the buildings around the courtyard, the sun was setting and with it the remaining time they had to make up their minds; Connie and Sasha were leaning towards joining the Military Police and Mina wasn't sure what to do.
"So Mina" said Armin "You still planning on joining the Scouts?"
"I… don't know" she confessed "I can't join the Garrison, not after Captain Weilman almost killed us; the thought of having to take orders from someone like him… but there's also the chance that we might be part of that expedition two months from now and I don't know if I can face the Titans again; I almost died if it wasn't for Alphonse and Ed saving me, but if what Commander Erwin said about Karanes being next… I don't know if I can live with myself if I just sat there on the walls while others go out to stop a Titan attack on my home district… I guess I'll find out what I want during the ceremony."
"Mina" said Annie, catching her attention "You should ask yourself, would you prefer to do something that is best for you or for others? How you answer that will is how you will choose between the Garrison and Scouts." Annie then shuffles closer to Mina "But in my opinion, you shouldn't place yourself in harm's way; you could get a position in the Garrison in Karanes that way you'll stay close to your family."
Mina gave Annie a soft small smile "Thanks for thee advice, Annie and thank you for caring" she tenderly took Annie's hand and held it softly as if to compensate for a hug. "I hope you do well in the Military Police and I know with your skill, you'll be a captain there in no time."
"Heard you killed a Titan" said Armin
"Yeah, it was only one though…" responded Mina "I only managed to kill it because it didn't notice me."
"Still, it's one more than me and Sasha, and we're meant to be top ten." Connie joked, trying to distract him from their impending choice.
Jean walked up to the group of four "Jean, you're really set on joining the Scouts?" asked Armin
Mina gasped in shock "You're joining the Scouts? I thought you always wanted to be a MP?"
"I did" he said simply "But things change, everything has changed."
"Aren't you scared?" asked Sasha
"Of course I'm afraid, but some things have to be done." He said slightly aggressively "Look I'm not going to pressure you guys into following me like a certain suicidal idiot; being asked to risk your life is something you can't take lightly."
"Eren's been a Scout for a while now..." observed Connie
"So have Ed and Alphonse and those two weren't even Cadets..." added Armin
"Cadets!" yelled one of the instructors "Form up, head to the platform, it's time to make your chose!"
"No one told me to risk my life and this isn't something you take lightly, if you're going to make a choice like this it has to be your decision one hundred percent, so believe me when I say that this decision is mine through and through." He finished
"When did Jean decide to join the Scouts?" asked Mina
"During the funeral pyre; you, Armin and Mikasa got sent to the trial the day we cleaned up Trost, he found Marco dead and then... he just decided he wanted to join the Scouts" Replied Connie, he thought back to that day, the smell of burning flesh and the sight of all his former comrades turning into ash still stuck with him.
"I'm…I'm sorry I missed it…" said Mina apologetically, she looked at the ground feeling guilty for missing the funeral of her friends. Mylius, Nic, Thomas... Marco...
"It wasn't your fault" comforted Connie
Evening had now fallen upon them when Erwin Smith took to the stage in front of the 104th Cadet Corps with the ambition of trying to convince them to join the Scout Regiment and join him on the frontlines of the war against the Titans. A line of torches lined up on both sides of the courtyard and the stage illuminated the area in a dim sunset glow.
"Good Evening" he said "I'm Erwin Smith, Commander of the Survey Corps or better known as the Scout Regiment, today you will have to choose which branch of the Military you wish to belong to. Let's cut to the chase, the Scouts need you; we need all the able bodies we can get. After the recent Titan attack on Trost you've all experienced firsthand the horrors of which the Titans are capable of and what you had faced is no different than what an average expedition is like for us, I'm sure that you are now aware of what your limitations are as well as your own fear of the Titans. Many good lives were lost at the battle, however the reclamation of Trost brought Humanity closer to victory than it had in the five years after Wall Maria fell and in the one hundred years since we were forced into these walls, by now you are all aware of the existence of Eren Yeager and the Elric brothers; It is through their combined efforts that the breach in Trost District has been sealed and it is my understanding that many of you here tonight because of their involvement in the battle. Even after being put through hell the three of them have joined our ranks and are determined to help end the Titan's reign of terror over Humanity but more than this, Eren Yeager has presented us with an opportunity to discover the truth of their origins; the answer to the Titans lies within his basement back in Shiganshina."
There was a collective gasp from the crowd and suddenly almost everyone erupted into whispers, Erwin stood silent for a few seconds to allow this revelation to sink in.
"If we can reach his basement, than I believe we can find the clues which can help us end a century of Titan domination over Humanity." He stated confidently.
"His basement?" questioned Reiner, Mina who was standing next to Annie looked over to him; both he and Bertholdt looked shocked
Why would he just announce something like that? Thought Armin unless… he's planning something
"However before we can reach his basement we must first retake Wall Maria; the Elrics have informed me that using their Alchemic abilities they can quickly construct a gate and entrance in Trost once more" Petra and Mike entered the stage and together held out a large map for all the Cadets to see "meaning that the path carved out by the Scout Regiment's battalions over the last five years is still going to be put into use to mobilize a larger force to retake Wall Maria." Mike and Petra then left the center of the stage, leaving Erwin alone to talk to the Cadets "Over the course of those five years the Scout Regiment has lost sixty percent of its soldiers in our efforts to lay out the ground work for the Wall recovery, their deaths were not in vain."
There were more gasps and chattering among the Cadets at the causality rate
"However there is another urgent matter to attend to; with the Titan invasion of Trost pushed back, we can suspect that the enemy may yet attack a closer district, we predict that Karanes will be the likely next place for the Titans to strike which is why in two months time we will launch a recon expedition from Karanes to monitor Titan movements in the area as well as prevent any possible attack, those who sign up will be expected to join the expedition and I predict that a third of you who do will die during the coming expedition and as time progresses most will have died in the expeditions to come, but those who survive will be the most capable and experienced soldiers alive and will no doubt play a role in the decisive battle to retake Wall Maria in the not so distant future." Erwin closed his eyes for a second and inhaled deeply "Now… the situation before us dyer and the road ahead will be fraught will difficulty and will require you to make great sacrifices which will all too likely include your very life. But there is hope; hope that retaking Wall Maria is now within our very grasps, Hope to end Titan domination over us and hope for Humanity to once more stand tall in this world… Those who are willing to put their lives on the line stay here but first ask yourself; are you willing to give your heart for that hope? Give your soul to the cause? Give up your life for Humanity?" he finished, becoming more intense at the last word.
The Cadets began to look at each other wearily, wondering whether they could really pay such a steep price.
"That is all, those wishing to join other regiments are dismissed." Erwin stated, his tone now far more calmer.
The other scouts looked at each other as the commander finished his speech; it wasn't an easy speech to listen to with all the hard truths which some of them might of liked if those weren't mentioned, but the part about hope for the future should surely reel in a good chunk of Cadets.
One by one the cadets began to leave the formation and make their way out of the courtyard; leaving to join the Garrison regiment, then it became groups of them; many of them couldn't stomach the idea of dying and that's what would likely happen if they were to join the Scouts. Mikasa and Armin both watched as everyone around them walked away, Connie and Sasha were frozen in place, fighting an internal war over what they wanted to do, Jean had one leg to the side and another planted into the very ground, it seemed as though he was now having second thoughts, Reiner and Bertholdt stood on the spot, Bertholdt turned his head to the side to see Annie walk away, Mina clenched her fist, her whole body tensed up as if fight the urge to walk away with Annie. As Annie walked away with the other cadets, she stopped and turned her head to catch Bertholdt looking at her, who then quickly looked away from her, and Mina still standing there on the spot, Annie let out a sigh and continued walking; when Mina was talking about which regiment to join it was obvious to Annie who'd she'd end up joining even if it wasn't for Mina.
Within a minute those who wanted to leave and join the Garrison, or in Annie's case the Military Police, were now gone, leaving the rest of the Cadets who wished to join the Scouts still in the courtyard. Erwin scanned the Cadets; their grim expression and the tear stained cheeks, no doubt they were terrified at the thought of dying, yet here they stood anyway in the face of seemingly difficult odds.
"I ask you; if you were ordered to die would you do it?" he asked simply
"WE DON'T WANT TO DIE, SIR!" yelled Jean
Erwin gave them a sly smile "Of course, let us hope that you don't then" he replied, his expression quickly changed becoming more stern "To you who stayed? You now proudly dawn the wings of freedom and I welcome you into our ranks! This is a genuine salute soldiers! Dedicate your heart!" he declared saluting them, slamming his clenched fist on the left side of his chest.
The rest of the Cadets followed along, giving a salute back to Erwin. "Yes sir!"
Armin looked around to see who was left, to his surprise he saw most of his friends remaining; he'd thought they'd join the Military Police along with Annie. "Ev- everyone…" he said weakly
Jean looked to the ground feeling like a complete fool "Joined the Scouts… I'm a real fucking idiot…" he muttered
"I hate this" muttered Sasha as a seemingly never ending stream tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm scared…I just want to go back to my village"
Connie softly laughed to himself at his own bravery and stupidity "I just don't give a fuck anymore…" as cold sweat ran down his forehead
Reiner stood in his place with a fierce look of determination on his face, while Bertholdt still kept looking over his shoulder at Annie who had left already.
Krista stood there shaking, struggling to stop herself from breaking down on the spot, like Sasha she too was crying. "If you're gonna keep crying than don't stay." said Ymir who was standing next to her.
Mina stood her ground against her fear in silence, still tensing up to stop herself from shaking, her eyes shut tightly as she listened to others weep and the Commander speak.
"I see forty three members of the 104th Scout Regiment who have given the salute" said Erwin "You've stood against your fears and for that each one of you have earned nothing less than my admiration."