I don't know what you're thinking, sugar

But I just got that feeling, sugar

And I can hear the sirens burning

Red lights turning

I can't turn back now

But, baby, this is getting serious

Oh oh oh

Dan-danger-dangerous

Oh oh oh

"And how does that make you feel?" A woman who looked to be about mid-fourties pushed her thin lense glasses up the bridge of her nose, watching me from behind a desk. I ran my fingers roughly through my orange hair, well I say orange but what I really mean is glaring vibrant holy shit hair. Yeah, it's gotten me a lot of shit my entire life but hey, what can you do? My therapist says playing with my hair is a nervous habit and I just don't really understand that. I'm not doing it because I'm nervous; I'm doing it because she's annoying as all hell and I just want to go home. I've been going to see her for the past three years, ever since... Well- I've been seeing her for a while so I guess a part of me feels like I can't just stop before it's done anything. And I don't think it's done anything. She keeps saying I'm getting better. I never thought there was anything wrong. Maybe that's because I don't like remembering I was almost murdered by the jackass I was falling in love with.

Well, maybe love's a strong word. Not like I'd know. It's not like I've ever used it before out loud. But that's what it felt like- or at least, it felt like what it looks like on tv and stuff...Does that make sense? Ah, whatever.

"Kurosaki-san, Kurosaki-san, did you hear me?" She sounds annoyed and I guess I can't blame her. I'm pretty much the worst patient in existence or at least I feel like I am. Guess I'm just not feeling it. The whole idea of sitting in a circle and sharing feelings was never really something I enjoyed so...Why did the doctors suggest seeing a Psychologist twice a week? Oh, right. 'Shock'.

"Yeah, yeah. M' listenin." I scratched the back of my head, sitting up a bit better in the chair that looks much comfier than it is. I think she likes that, when I pretend to pay attention. Or maybe she knows I'm faking it but she at least appreciates the effort, I don't really care. Truth be told I don't really care about a lot of things anymore.

She sighed, setting her clipboard and pen down on her desk. Sometimes I think she just doodles on the paper and pretends to be writing shit that actually matters. Mostly because I don't say much that's worth writing down and when I do it's only when I'm thinking aloud for essay ideas. That's another reason why I don't like coming here. I have better things to do. Like college, and... Well that's about it. I'm only twenty two years old give me a break.

"Would you like to try again?" Her tone softens and I can't help but look up at her now. She's actually a nice lady if I had to give her credit for something. Dr. Unohana's her name, and come to think of it I bet she'd be a bit humorous outside of work since she told me once that she doesn't even need to wear glasses. She just does it to make herself look more professional. Whatever works, right? Shaking my head slightly I came back to her question and my answer, internally, is the same as always. No. No I don't want to try again. I don't want to think about him or anything else that happened so why can't everyone just let me forget and move on? Why do I have to go through this 'healing' process? It all sounds like a load of shit.

"Yeah, sure." Reluctance mixed with a broken backbone. That's pretty much what my voice sounded like. Then again, there was always something about Unohana that made me want to do what she said. Don't get me wrong I mean, she was always nice. Much nicer than some it's just... I dunno I'm probably just making shit up but there's something creepy about her niceness. Like, I wouldn't want to be around her when she's angry, I'll just put it that way.

"That's very good to hear." She smiled, picking up her clipboard and pen once more. "Why don't you lie back and I'll guide you through it, alright?" Her lips stretch up into a smile, eyes almost fully closing and pretty soon I'm laying back in the chair with my eyes closed. Not like it would matter since I see him whether I want to or not. Damn bastard.

"A'right." I mutter, knowing damn well I'm not going to get much farther with this session than I have with any others. There's just something about those fucking eyes that make me lock up, like I can't move or I don't want to move or some other ridiculous bullshit like that.

"Ok then. So, Ichigo. Why don't you tell me about how you realized you were gay?" Her voice is soft, soothing. I like it better when my eyes are closed, but I can feel myself scowling at her words. This isn't the usual question I get. And up until now I hadn't said anything about my sexual orientation so excuse me but I'm a little fucking confused.

"I never-" I begin, only to get cut off. Damn it pisses me off when people do that.

"Just, relax and think about the question thoroughly before you answer."

Well, shit.

"Throughout my entire life I'd never given much thought to shit like whether or not I'd end up gay. I dunno, maybe it sounds weird to put it like that but, I always kinda figured I was who I was. And that's not to say that it wouldn't be life-changing and thought provoking and all the good shit that comes with epiphanies it's just- Well I already got teased and fought because of my hair color so, what's the additive of liking guys going to do? Then again, I never had to worry about it.

In school I was always too shy with girls to really talk to them, which is saying a lot considering, like I said, I did fight. A lot. It actually got me into a shit ton of trouble all throughout middle school. In elementary I didn't really have to worry about it because I was a big cry baby and my mom was always there to fix everything. When she died of cancer when I was nine, well... I had to start fending for myself and voila. You have the Kurosaki Ichigo at present- or, maybe three years past. I dunno what really happened to me... Anyways.

I dated a girl once, never kissed her though. We were both too shy. Her name was Inoue, real nice girl and still one of my good friends. Then I liked this other girl but she was too cool for me...Either that or I thought she'd kick my ass if I ever told her I liked her. Rukia just had that way about her. I dunno why I never pursued going farther with anyone, Kami knows I had ample opportunities at plenty of Shinji's drunk-fests to land me an easy fuck but, it never seemed right, you know?

That day it was though... The day I first saw him I knew I was screwed-well I mean at least not yet but... That's not the point. The second I looked into those blue eyes of his my entire body just, I don't even know...froze? Damn that sounds so girly. But, it's how it happened so what the fuck ever. I couldn't help but stare at him, and I didn't even understand why. He was just, so much different than anything I'd ever seen before. And his voice sent shivers to places I hadn't even bothered testing out. To be completely honest I was starting to wonder if I was asexual till I met this jackass.

I remember when he first said my name- it was right after he decided to spout off that stupid fucking nickname that I hate. 'Strawberry'. You'd think people would get a bit more original. Assholes. Anyway, the way he said my name lit my skin on fire- which is about the time I realized I was actually blushing and proceeded to tell him off in a not-so-kind manner. Served him right.

I went home that night after playing soccer with Karin and I remember all I wanted to do was just say his name. I knew it because he had said it to me I just hadn't been able to speak it. But it kept playing over and over in my head all night and I just kept wishing that I'd get a chance to try it out, because I didn't want to seem like some obsessed idiot chanting a name in his room all alone.

I guess after that, me being gay pretty much slapped me in the face. And if I wasn't entirely gay, considering I'd never felt this way before, then- him being the exception was just fine with me."

I sigh, lying there with my eyes shut as I finally shut my mouth. I always seemed to talk more when she asked questions I wasn't expecting and felt like I'd definitely rambled a bit more than necessary.

"You may open your eyes now, Ichigo." She chimed, voice sounding as if she'd made progress. I still didn't see it. I sat up, blinking a few times as my eyes readjusted to the light, my hand reaching up to thread through my hair but something stops me and I don't, instead I fidget with this loose thread on my jeans-which seems like much more of a nervous habit but hey I'm not the doctor here.

"How was that?" I think my voice sounded a bit more interested than it usually does, though it can't be helped considering that's pretty much the first time I'd ever formally told someone that.

"You did very well. Now, how are the- how are you sleeping?" She caught herself, but I know she wants to ask if I'm still having nightmares. Of course I am. Three years and not a single week without them. Isn't that funny? How a person you knew for such a short amount of time ends up having such a drastic impact on your life? I still can't really imagine it.

"I'm used to the nightmares now. So I can almost always go back to sleep after I wake up." Which in my opinion is the most 'progress' I've made through this entire ordeal I mean, the first few months I woke up screaming bloody murder and drenched in sweat, unable to sleep the rest of the night. Then again, when you dream about everything from your lover ripping your eyes out and eating them to him gutting you during sex and laughing, could you really blame a guy? No, no you couldn't. Dr. Unohana just nods and looks back down at her clipboard, scribbling something and this time I almost ask to see what she's writing.

"Alright then, that concludes our session, Ichigo. I'll see you Thursday. She glances up at me, giving a terse smile before setting the papers aside in exchange for different ones. Something about that strikes me the wrong way. Not that I believed myself to be her only patient by far it's just, well it kinda makes the whole thing seem like she doesn't really care as much as she lets on. I mean here I am opening up to this woman and she ushers me right along to hear the next guy's sob story. Just gives me a bad taste in my mouth I guess. I nod, standing up and heading for the door before making my way to my car. It's not a long drive home, just a few minutes which is convenient. The second I get into the driver's seat, they hit me. Just like every time. It's like I can't open up to the one person I'm paying for it, but as soon as I'm alone I can't keep the memories away.

I flipped open my phone, staring down at the small print on the screen. A single text message from Grimmjow illuminated in the darkness. It was the only other source of light aside from a street lamp close by.

~Yo. South side. Twenty minutes.

It had been eighteen minutes, not like I was counting. Though it was unnerving hanging around here alone. If I'm nuts for showing up so willingly to the shitty part of town for a guy I just met than I'm even crazier for having given him my number after seeing him twice. But ask me if I regretted it. I didn't.

"So, Strawberry. What brings you here alone?" He grinned at me, Grimmjow I mean. I'm sitting on a ledge in this shit hole but that's where he told me to meet him and hey call me stupid but I showed up.

"Shut up, asshole. This is where you said." I have to fight back a blush, which I hate. I think I blushed more in the time I knew Grimmjow than I ever had in my entire life. It was really annoying. He just keeps smiling as he walks up to me, hands shoved into the pockets of his denim jeans, just like always. I met him a couple days ago I think but for some reason I haven't been able to stay away. There was just something about the guy. Hey, at that point I'm pretty sure I thought it was 'fate' or some lame shit like that.

"Didn't think you'd show up, though." Grimmjow leaned against the same wall as me, staring over at me lazily. He kinda had this way about him that I can't really explain. It was basically like he knew he was hot shit and just rolled with it. Like it was no big deal and he could get whatever the hell he wanted, and I wouldn't doubt that for a second.

"Well, m' here aren't I?" Rolling my eyes, I looked away from him. "So what the hell are you even doing over here?"

He shrugged, nonchalance just radiating off of him. "S'where m' stayin' tonight."

"What!? But it's so dangerous!" I sputtered, and hey I couldn't help it. There was no way anyone in their right mind stayed over here. Unless they wanted to get shot of course even though for some reason I felt like that wouldn't scare Grimmjow. He didn't seem like the kind of guy that was unfamiliar with violence. I don't know why, I just had a feeling.

"Danger's like my middle name." He grinned. I rolled my eyes and laughed, shaking my head slightly. I guess he liked my reaction because he laughed too, running his hand through his wild blue locks of hair. My eyes were drawn to it, noticing something like looked like blood on his hand.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked, nodding my head in the direction of his hand. He looked down at it, shrugging.

"S'just blood." Lifting his fingers to his mouth, I watched his tongue flick out to curl around them as he hummed. My mouth twitched up, eyes averting as if I were trying to hide how weird that seemed to me.

"Guess so..." I muttered, glancing back up at him. His eyes were on me, their irises appearing more animalistic than they had been just seconds ago and I guess in the small amount of time that I looked away I hadn't realized he'd gotten closer. I swallowed instinctively.

"Does blood make ya queezy, Berry?" His voice sounded like a purr, lips hovering just inches from mine now. Suddenly I felt his hand on my hip and it felt like my body had been lit on fire starting from that single point. His lips moved down, so close to my neck that I found it increasingly difficult to breathe.

"N-no." Shit, I hated it when I stuttered.

"Mmm...Tha's good..." I could feel his teeth graze over my jugular, my heartbeat picking up in response. I lifted my hand, pressing it into his chest though I wasn't pushing him away by any means.

Breathe, Ichigo. Breathe.

"I can see it doesn't make you queezy..." Real great observation there, captain obvious. He chuckled, pulling me closer so that our bodies were almost pressed fully against each other.

"Are ya scared?" His voice deepened, taking on such a delicious baritone pitch it seemed as if it were the audible version of velvet. I loved his voice. My brows furrowed slightly as I pondered his question. In truth I had felt uneasy about waiting here in the shottiest part of town for a guy I had met less than a week ago but, all of that had disappeared the second I saw him.

"Should I be?"

"Yes." He seemed so matter-of-fact, it honestly caught me off guard. Though for some reason I couldn't bring myself to be worried. Here I was, essentially standing in an alley, being held by a man that was taller and stronger than me with his teeth against my throat and I didn't see anything wrong with it. I felt his mouth open against my flesh, teeth closing around my pulse point slightly and the only thing I could do was tilt my head back and close my eyes. Sue me, I've always had a biting fantasy even if it's never been played out. The only thing to keep in check would be my voice because I'd be forever mortified if I moaned under this simple touch.

"Well, m' not." I tried to match his tone of voice when suddenly I felt his mouth move away from me, hands faltering in their massaging ministrations on my hip.

"Why?" Somehow, his eyes intensified and I knew I wasn't able to hold back my blush then. What could I say without sounding sappy as fuck? Oh well, here goes nothing.

"I feel safe with you."

Well that caught him off guard. Sapphire hues widened infinitesimally, and I could feel his heartbeat increase underneath my hand. Suddenly his hand pushed away from me, shoving our bodies apart with a bit more force than I thought necessary.

"Go home." It was so concrete. So different than he had been talking just moments ago.

"What-?"

"Did I fuckin' stutter? I said go home, Kurosaki." I froze, hearing my actual name on his tongue sounded foreign considering I hadn't heard him use it since he had initially reiterated it the first day I met him. For some reason I had a voice in my head telling me not to argue, to shut the fuck up and go home. I listened to it though that didn't mean I had to like it. My jaw ground down, teeth scraping together which was honestly a habit I could afford to quit, and turned on my heel to walk away without giving him a second glance.

"Whatever."

It may sound insane but I couldn't help worrying that I wouldn't hear from him again. And that thought alone scared the living shit out of me.