She said, "And lately I don't see you smiling lot.
Are you happy here with me and the things we've got?
If you can't say that it's true."
It's not right, it's not right for you,
If you even have to think about it
It's not right, it's not right for you.
I didn't know how long I'd just been sitting in the parking lot like that- hands gripping the steering wheel and eyes probably looking like I'd just seen a guy get shot. I only have an idea of the image from what I've been told, considering I've spaced out in front of people thinking about him before. It's embarrassing, yeah, tell me something I don't know. And I swear to any fucking God that's up there, if I could take a pill or suck someone off to get rid of all these damn memories, I would've done it by now. But that's just the thing, I can't. I can't get him out of my head no matter how much time passes. I can't quit seeing his face. I can't quit hearing his voice. I can't even quit imagining what his hands felt like when they were touching me and I don't know if it makes me crazy or just flat out fucking stupid but- it makes me pretty anxious thinking that even if I can't forget, I can't properly recall those things either. Does that make sense?
I mean, I know I remember him being easily the most attractive guy I'd ever seen in my life- there was never any question about that. And I know that I'd made note of how intense those blue eyes of his were, or how deep his voice was, and yet… I can't make out the details anymore. Maybe that's what time really heals. It doesn't get you over the shit that probably fucked you up for life, it just blurs the edges enough for you to not quite be sure what you're so messed up about to begin with. And maybe if you start forgetting why you feel like there's a damn hole in your chest, you can start moving past it. I wasn't there yet, no matter how much I wanted to be.
My phone snapped me out of my thoughts and at that moment I couldn't have been more grateful. After all, I knew that about eighty percent of how I dealt with this was the sole reason I wasn't healing as fast as I should be- or at least, as fast as I thought I should be. I'm pretty sure somewhere deep inside myself I knew it was because I was some kinda twisted masochist. I mean, that's the only answer that made sense, really… in its own fucked up way, that is. Maybe some dumbass part of myself still expected my phone to ring and for it to be him on the other line with that smile and edge in his voice, and he'd make fun of my name and I'd call him an asshole and the past three years would have all been dream.
They haven't been, of course. None of this is a dream. And I'm a class A idiot for wishing something like that.
I almost missed the call from how out of it I was, though after pulling it from my pocket and staring at the caller ID I kinda thought I should. It was Inoue, and for some reason, answering the phone right now for her seemed like it'd just end up tacking on the guilt in heaps. As if I didn't feel shitty enough for having a girlfriend when I'm in this sort of situation, but talking to her right after I'd been reminiscing? It seemed wrong. But then again, everything was wrong nowadays. With a sigh, I answered, trying to make my voice sound as light as possible but I didn't have to try too hard, she knew where I was, so I could get away with a bit of distance.
"Yo." Was my genius response, and there was a beat of silence before she answered. Most likely, there'd been an internal monologue with herself trying to decide how she should best approach me. I think that made the whole relationship weigh even heavier on me. No matter what I did or how shitty of a boyfriend I was, Inoue never stopped trying to make it better. Fuck, she deserved someone so much better than me.
"Ah- Kurosaki-kun!" You'd think after dating for two years we would have both dropped the name formalities, but I guess it just never seemed right. "How was your appointment?" She sounded so concerned, and slightly hesitant to bring it up at all. I ran fingers through my hair and sighed. This was my life now, and really I should be trying harder for her.
"I think I'm payin' this chick just to write down weird shit about me." I could almost see her look of confusion. "I mean, first of all she asks me the same damn questions every time- and then when it's somethin' different it's completely off the wall, you know?" Maybe she did, maybe she didn't, but she probably nodded her head as if I really could see her before realizing I couldn't, because it took a bit longer for a response.
"Oh-! But, isn't it helping at all? Unohana-san is such a nice person! I'm sure she's relaxing to talk to." Now I was scratching at the back of my neck, a nervous habit or something, I didn't really know one way or the other.
"Yeah, guess so… She kinda gives me the creeps." This brought a giggle out of her.
"You shouldn't say those things, Kurosaki-kun! What if she overhears?"
"Nah, m' in the parking lot. Unless she's got my car wired 'er something she's not hearin' anything'." I was just joking of course, but the thought still made me look around quickly.
"Well, do you- ah, if you're not busy that is…" Even after all this time, she was still so nervous to ask me the most trivial shit. I thought it was kinda cute. Which was a good thing, really. I mean, a guy should find his girlfriend cute, right? Right.
"M' not busy, so just ask. We're not strangers, you know." Now there was a smile in my voice. Inoue was one of those girls that you just had to find endearing. She was awkward and shy and blushed a lot- but she was easily the most caring person I'd ever met. I felt relaxed around her, at least- relaxed enough to feel at ease.
"Do you want to have lunch together?" See? Always the simple stuff with her.
"Yeah, sure. M' actually really fuckin' hungry… What d'ya got in mind?" This produced an excited gasp.
"Oh, I found this really cool place! They have Cherry Pie and French Fries!" The combo seemed more than weird to me, but maybe it was an American thing, considering the food items. I didn't really care, but I did like cherry pie.
"Both of 'em together, huh?" I chuckled, switching the ignition on and throwing the car in drive. Starting out of the parking lot, I continued. "So, where am I meetin' ya?"
"They sound really good together! Maybe with some soup, too!" And she rambled for a moment before noticing she'd digressed and that I'd asked her a question. "Oh, right! It's close to my house so I thought we could walk together. Just meet me here, alright?"
"Sure thing, see ya in a few." I clicked the sleep button on my phone, shoving it back into my pocket before taking the familiar route to her house. After all these years she still lived in the same apartment as she did when we were in highschool. Ok so, maybe it hasn't been so long, I'm only twenty-two after all, but still. As I was driving it took a damn lot of my self control to not feel like the same piece of shit I usually did on these days. It seemed like throughout the week it was easier to push it all away- to pretend like I was a normal guy with a normal job and a nice girlfriend to go out with. And really, if I stopped and thought about it, this should be all I wanted from life. I had more than most guys. Honestly, I should be fucking ecstatic with how things were. But then as soon as Thursday rolled around it was as if I was back to square one. I was back to being that lovesick dumbass just a couple weeks shy of being the victim of attempted murder. What a fucking story. Maybe instead of seeing a shrink every week I should look into getting a brain scan because seriously, this was jacked. It's jacked, and it doesn't make any sense.
It's too bad hearts are illogical asshole, right?
Eh, I didn't want to think about it anymore. Hopefully food would divert me enough to act like a decent member of society. I really, really hoped so. Plus, I hadn't had any American food in a while, considering there weren't too many places to get it over here aside from McDonalds but let's be real, how often could I eat that shit without feeling even worse? The answer is seldom, at best. Believe me, I've tested it.
Pulling up to Inoue's had me breathing a slight sigh of relief. I knew as soon as I saw her face I'd at least have something else to focus on. And with any luck I'd be whisked away in to the false sense of normality that post-Thursday brought me. I took the steps two at a time before ringing the doorbell and she was probably waiting right by the door with how quickly she opened it. Her eyes lit up at the sight of me, just fucking sparkling with happiness. I wish I could look at her the same way- fuck, do I ever wish that. Still though, I smiled, and moved towards her for a hug and a brief kiss. It's been a while since I've done that, kiss her I mean, and I know she isn't expecting it. But call me a selfish bastard, I thought it'd help distract me more.
Our lips meld for a couple of mere seconds at most, she's soft pretty much everywhere, but her lips are like clouds. That was what I'd thought when he had our first kiss a couple years ago, 'so this is what kissin' a girl's like, huh?'. But like hell I'll ever say that shit out loud. I'm also not gonna get into the differences between kissing Grimmjow and kissing Inoue because- well how many times do I gotta say I'm trying to distract myself?
Her eyes widened at the gesture, blushing furiously when I pulled back and smiled at her. Maybe she forgot to breathe in that moment because her lips parted and she took a shaky inhale, staring at me like I was the only person in the entire fucking world and maybe, to her, I was.
"You ready to go?" I tilted my head slightly, staring at her with a little smirk. She nodded enthusiastically and took my hand as she lead me downstairs and in the opposite direction of where I'd come from. It was funny, really, I've known this girl for a good chunk of years but I'd never continued down the street from her house. All the places I'd come here from had been from the other way, so I realized as we walked I had no idea where the street went. It made things a bit more interesting, and as my stomach grumbled in protest of hunger I found myself over thinking what I'd eat when we got there.
"So what's the name of this place?" I raised a brow, side-glancing her as a thoughtful expression took over her.
"Ah- hm… What was it called…" The pointer finger of her free hand tapped at her chin, lips now looking as if they were in a pout and her brows tugged together. She was so expressive. "I can't remember." She admitted with a nervous smile, fiddling with a stray lock of hair. "But I came here the other day with Tatsuki-chan and it was so yummy!" I nodded, smiling a bit before turning my attention back to the road in front of us. The crossing street looked a bit familiar, but I couldn't put my finger on why.
"It better be, I'm starvin'." We rounded the corner, I kicked a rock that had no business being on the sidewalk where people could trip over it, and Inoue started listing off menu items she remembered. I knew if I looked up she'd be practically salivating.
"Are we almost th-" My words stopped dead in my throat as I peered up to see where we were. We'd turned the corner about fifty or so meters back so I hadn't seen it at first but- now it stood in full view. The American diner she was talking about.
The same diner I'd gone to with Gri- with him. My mind wouldn't even let him say his name mentally in that moment. It was like everything froze. Time. My breathing. My heart. Everything- there was no movement. Was I supposed to be breathing? Hyperventilating? No, just calm down. Calm down, calm down! Idly, I realized someone was saying my name.
"Kurosaki-kun! Kurosaki-kun, that hurts- please let go! What's the matter?" Her voice was pleading, worry-stricken, and I noticed not so soon after that the grip I'd held on her hand had shifted into that of a vice. My knuckles were white with strain when I let go of her, eyes turning to her confused expression. I felt like I was in a daze. My mouth was dry- I couldn't breathe. And I definitely couldn't fucking go in there.
No, no, no!
"Kurosaki-kun-!?" Something tugged on my sleeve and I realized it was Inoue's hand- had I been speaking out loud? Fuck. Just, fuck. Why today? Why here? Why?
"Y-yeah- I'm-" What was I? Fine? I sure as fuck wasn't fine. I swallowed, but it felt like the lump in my throat wouldn't go down. I needed water.
"What is it? Are you hurt? You're scaring me…" Her eyes were welling up with tears and I could see the visible effort she was putting into stopping them. I took a deep breath, rubbed my hands over my face and exhaled loudly. To her, this must have all seemed really weird and completely out of left field. She had no way of knowing how this place would affect me, after all… And truth be told, I did not feel like explaining the scenario.
Just thinking about it caused a disgustingly quick reaction in my dick.
"M' sorry- I...shit… Inoue, m' sorry. I'm fine, alright?" I knew I was rambling, but it was the only way to get it out. "I've been here- before… I mean, with him… I've…" And I had to stop myself to take another deep breath. Her eyes widened, fresh tears falling now with no restraint. I didn't want her to feel like it was her fault that we were here. She was just trying to spend time with me, I knew that.
"Kurosaki-kun I had no idea- I, I didn't know… I didn't or I wouldn't-" I cut her off, shaking my head and stepping closer to her.
"Hey, hey, I know that. M' not mad at you. M' fine, alright?" Reaching down, I gripped her hand gently to reassure her, which was kind of ironic really because I was the one that felt like one more second and I wouldn't be able to handle this.
"We can just leave- I-i'll cook something for you instead!" It took all my strength not to curl my lip at that notion.
"No way! You can't make cherry pie and french fries at home." I tried to smile. "It'll be alright, let's go inside." And as I started walking, her feet remained rooted in place, eyes downturned from me.
"I- I don't want to make Kurosaki-kun go through any of those terrible memories again… I don't want to make you sad-" My eyes softened, and I pushed away the ridiculous part of me that wanted to somehow defend my memories with Grimmjow. 'They're not all terrible!' I felt like blurting. But I didn't, it was bad enough I knew I was probably crazy, I didn't need everyone else thinking I was too.
"You're not doin' any of that, ok?" I tried to sound a bit more stern. It was weird, the fact that I was trying to prove I'd be ok somehow gave me the strength to act more like it. Maybe that was my pride talking, I knew I had quite a bit of it. Aside from that, a part of me wanted to go in there again. To be in a room I hadn't been in since him. Everywhere else that I could think of- he'd been erased. There was no more traces. No scent, no marks. Nothing. My skin had healed from what he'd done to me in pleasure, and all I had left were the scars, literal and physical, of what would haunt me for the rest of my life. But I wanted proof again. I wanted to inhale and remember more vividly than anything else that he existed, and I'm not just a damn shell of a guy. I had depth. I had fucking substance. And, yeah, I'm crazy but I wanna remember that he's still out there. I wanted to go inside.
"M' hungry. Starvin', actually. And it's about time I get over this, you know? I'll be fine, Inoue. We can eat here." And after what seemed like a lifetime of her staring into my eyes as if she were looking for some kind of verification, she nodded slowly, letting me lead the way into the diner.
Everything was exactly the way I remembered it, and it took a shaky inhale of breath for my feet to listen to me and walk in the direction the hostess was taking us. Sitting down in the red booth, I kept my hands under the table to hide the fact that they were trembling, and I didn't look away from Inoue when the chick took our drink orders. I couldn't say how thankful I was that the waitress from before didn't seem to be here. Sad thing was I knew right where we were, and I knew if I looked up- I'd see the booth positioned at the back corner of the place, the same one I'd sat in with him after…
"Keep blushin' like that, Strawberry an' someone's gonna think yer havin' a damn heat stroke." His voice was taunting me, but the way it reverberated from the depths of his chest made me not mind so much. The only thing that gave any bite to my words was the fact that he continuously made the point of picking on my name. As if I hadn't been hearing that my entire fucking life. Couldn't he think up some better material? Geez.
"Shut up, asshole." Then again, my comebacks were starting to sound like a broken record too, and much to my increasing dismay, I blushed even more. Blushing is a bullshit response, let me just say that. And I don't mean it just because I happen to suffer from it firsthand, I mean because I'm not some flimsy damsel in distress flushing from brief sunlight. And it's not my fault I look that way it's just- well this guy's pretty damn embarrassing with some of the shit he says, so fucking sue my body for reacting.
We sat down and I immediately picked up a menu, bringing it in front of my face. In that moment I think I would have done anything to avoid having to look into those eyes of his- those eyes that held the entire goddamn ocean inside of them. I'd never seen anything so blue before…
Well, now i'm getting off track, never mind. The point was, if I was ever hoping to have my skin return to its usual color, I couldn't look at him. Unfortunately, he noticed, and soon I had a finger peeking over the top of my menu and tilting it downward so i'd have to see that smirking bastard.
"Tryin' t' hide from me?" He raised a brow, I glared.
"Kinda hard when I'm sittin' at the same table, you know." It was a weak counter, sure, but it was all I had.
"Yeah, I was gonna say ya ain't doin' a very good job." God damn that smile of his… I rolled my eyes, laying the menu flat on the table. I could look at him, right? I could totally handle looking at him. So I did, er...well, I tried. I brought my eyes up slowly from the print on the laminated foldout, the traveled up from his chest, moved along over his collar bones, over the dip at the base of his throat...the bulge of his adam's apple, and finally-
Having a face like that should really be illegal.
I thought I might actually get away with taking such a long ass time to get around to looking up, but I was wrong. He was already watching me- intently, might I add. It was kinda weird, in a flattering way, Grimmjow was always staring at me. Every time I saw him I swore he never took his eyes off me, not once. It would have made me feel pretty unnerved if I hadn't been doing practically the same thing. Only difference was he was much more bold about it. Grimmjow didn't give two shits what I thought about his staring, I could tell that without asking.
Getting to his lips though… I couldn't help but flash back to the way they'd been on my skin just minutes ago. The way they curled up over his teeth and made him look like some sort of predator. It was downright terrifyingly gorgeous. The way he kissed up my neck and-
Wait. My neck.
Shit-!
Unfortunately I realized all too late that the skin of my neck probably looked like a war-zone, and the alarm had just entered my eyes as the waitress came up to take our orders. She had long, wavy hair that was pretty similar to my color, and I guess her eyes were nice too. But, now before I say this I'm not some kind of pervert who goes around staring at chicks but- ok so the waitress had a giant rack. Like, giant. These things were huge, they barely fit in her uniform. Anyways-
With no tact whatsoever, I clapped my hand to what could only be called wounds, and hoped she hadn't noticed considering a good deal of her attention had been on Grimmjow to begin with. Despite not being able to blame her, it didn't mean I liked it. In fact I didn't like it at all. But that was dumb, right? It wasn't like we were dating- And I couldn't date this guy anyways! Or a guy… Could I date a guy? Did I want to? Too much to think about. No time for life questions at the dinner table.
"Honey, you can stop trying to cover that up, now. It's not fooling anyone." She chuckled, sounding oddly giddy- almost like that kinda laugh that people got when they were tipsy, and I turned my attention to her. Well, shit. Sheepishly, I let my hand fall from it's place, muttering out the drink and order number I wanted without making eye contact. Somehow I wasn't expecting her to downright gasp as if she'd just seen something horrifying but- well, that's exactly what she fuckin' did.
"Oh my god! What on earth happened to you!? Are you ok!?" It couldn't really be that bad, could it? Fuck I was gonna kill Grimmjow. Just fucking kill him. A couple people turned to stare from their chairs but the moment I shot them a particularly hard glare, they went back to minding their own business. Which was good. I didn't want the extra attention at all. Just as I was about to speak up about her needing a serious dose of volume control, the asshole himself decided to pipe in where he wasn't invited.
"Ya like my handy work, sugar?" It was full of a type of pride I did not want to hear concerning a bunch of fucking hickies on my neck, but by this time I'd just as soon crawl into a hole to live out the rest of my days anyways. Who the hell cared what he said anymore? Not me. Definitely not. Waitress chick seemed like she'd just been dished a juicy gossip story, and her eyes flicked back and forth between the two of us with her mouth hanging open like some sort of idiot. Grimmjow just sat there, grinning like the jackass he was- and I had had enough of just fucking sitting here.
"Don't you have a job to do? I ordered. He ordered. Now quit starin' at me like I grew a second head!" Yeah, it was rude. No, I didn't care. She seemed to get offended though, but it was kind of a mixture between shock at my tone and realization that she shouldn't have been gawking like that. In any case, she composed herself much quicker than I would have hoped, and for a second I worried if she was going to yell at me or something.
"Geez, you're kinda bossy, huh? Where's your manners? Don't you know how to talk to a lady?" She raised a brow at her own comment, eyes flicking between Grimmjow and I again before raising fingers to her lips as if she'd made a slip up. "Oh- well, maybe you haven't needed to know how to talk to a lady-"
"ENOUGH ALREADY!" And I knew my face was blending in with the red booth we were seated at. Grimmjow had just looked as if he were at the fucking movie theatres, and as soon as the waitress left, he leaned over the table, elbows resting on it.
"Ya think ya can go raisin' yer voice like that at the table, Strawberry? If i'da known ya had it in ya t' be louder, I'da done somethin' about that twenty minutes ago." I gulped, feeling my dick twitch at the very notion of him doing anything to me. Though, realizing where the conversation had turned, I lowered my voice to a not-so-hushed whisper.
"Why did you have to say that to her, asshole?! Now she knows!" Truth be told, waitress girl didn't know what she knew- she only knew she knew something… which really wasn't anything...right? Ok, now I'm just confusing myself. Fuck it.
"So what? Ya embarrassed?" The question was less teasing, more disbelief. As if the idea of being embarrassed was so hard to believe! Give me a break! Who was this guy?
"Oh, no, Grimm- I always talk about that shit with servers. I was just pissed ya beat me to the punch!" So I was a bit heavy on the sarcasm, oh well. His lips tugged into a frown.
"When did ya start callin' me that?"
"Huh?" Didn't I just call him by his name-
"Grimm. Instead'a Grimmjow. When?" I hadn't realized until then that I'd shortened it.
"Oh- I...uh… dunno, I guess… I won't say it if you don't like it or something." Suddenly feeling insecure was stupid. I was stupid. The list goes on.
"Didn't say that." He paused for a second, quickly tilting his head before a series of cracks sounded in his neck. That shit gave me the chills. I had no idea how people did that. It looked creepy and it definitely sounded creepy too. No thanks. Thinking about that, I almost wasn't paying attention when he continued. "Ya liked it, right?" His smirk was back. I was dumbfounded. Did he mean his name- or..?
"Huh?" Genius. I was outdoing myself today. Kurosaki Ichigo: Next world conqueror. Grimmjow leaned further across the table, my eyes fell to his lips.
"I said, did ya like it? Yer cock looked like it liked it, and ya sounded like ya did too. So?" And there went my blush again.
"Wh-what the hell do you think!? Yeah, alright?" I remember thinking it was kinda weird because he wasn't grinning anymore like he usually was.
"Then. No fuckin' reason t' be embarrassed. Lemme tell ya somethin', Kurosaki- people are sheep. They do what they're told, an' if they don't wanna, then they feel all guilty an' shit, right? It's a load of bullshit. If ya like somethin', do it." He reached out, thumb trailing along my lower lip and I licked them instinctively after. In the back of my mind I mused, it's a good thing we're sitting in the back. "If ya want somethin'..." He looked at me- and I mean he really looked at me. I felt vulnerable, like I was displayed in front of him with nothing to cover me. It was a chilling sensation. "...take it."
"Kurosaki-kun..?" Inoue's voice cut through the images that'd been flying through my mind- and I was almost thankful for it. The only downside was it brought me back to the present, and I had to force my eyes away from that table back to the food in front of me. My brows furrowed in almost disbelief, when the fuck did I order and why didn't I remember eating any of this food? If that wasn't the epitome of zoning the fuck out I didn't know what was. I took a drink of the soda I'd apparently asked for and shook my head a bit, turning my attention to Inoue.
"Yeah- I...sorry, I kinda spaced there." Really there was no other excuse I could possibly give, might as well go the honest route.
"Oh, it's alright… Ah, were you listening at all?" Her eyes stayed downcast. I felt like shit all over again. When I noticed she was finished with her food and probably had been for quite a while, I called the waitress over for the check and rubbed my fingers over my eyes.
"...No, I'm sorry- Shit, I'm sorry, Inoue." Frantically, she waved her hands in front of her.
"No, no! It's alright! I know this… being here… is it very hard for you?"
"...Yeah." Well if that wasn't true honesty nothing was.
"You're doing so well… Even if- if you didn't want to, you still ate here for me… Kurosaki-kun is so kind…" I swore if she started crying right there, at that time I would've have lost it.
"Nah… M' really not…" I grit my teeth, taking the right amount of cash out of my pocket and putting it in the check book before standing. Shoving my hands into my pockets, I waited for her to get up before taking her hand. "C'mon, let's go."
We walked in silence for a while, I knew there was something she wanted to talk about, something she was wanting to say. Part of me hoped she didn't have the guts to do it and part of me just wanted to get it over with. As we came to a stop in front of her apartment, she finally spoke up.
"He was… a very important person to you, wasn't he?" Why did we have to talk about this. Hadn't we already? Hadn't everything that needed to be known already been said? I really fucking thought so.
"...Yeah. Listen, we don't have to-" She cut me off. Inoue Orihime just cut me off.
"I'm sorry! Kurosaki-kun but I- I just can't not know anymore!" Now I was confused. What didn't she know? What did she want to know?
"You… know what, Inoue?"
"How you-" And she started to cry, unable to look at me. "How you… felt about him… it was- it was better than how you feel about me… isn't it?" I paled.
"Why the hell are you asking something like that!? What does it matter how I felt about him!? He tried to kill me, Inoue!" I was raising my voice, it was all just coming out. I didn't want to yell at her- especially not when she was crying. This day was just getting worse and worse.
"I know that! I know that but I-! Just seeing you still sad over him hurts me! And- and I can't help! I try, but I can't make you happy enough to take away the sad, can I? I'm not good enough, am I?!" I couldn't handle this. I couldn't handle this. And yeah, it was fucking selfish of me but I had to get out of there- I couldn't look at her while she cried and lie to her face. I couldn't tell her she made me happier than him because the truth was she was right, she didn't. And the fucked up part about it was I doubted anyone would be able to. But I couldn't say that.
This was my life now. How many times had I said that to myself?
I have a good job.
I have a good girlfriend.
I'm twenty-two years old and have my whole life ahead of me.
Why wasn't this enough!? Why did he still have to be in my head!? What do I do…
I just stood there staring at her, and I don't know what expression my eyes had in them but I know I was pleading. Pleading with myself to not hurt her any further than I had- pleading with her not to hate my fucking guts, and pleading with the messed up soul of mine that seemed to have Grimmjow's name engraved on it. I needed to move past him, I needed to forget.
"Don't cry… Fuck, please just… Don't cry… I know I'm a shitty boyfriend. I know you deserve more than I've been giving you and you got every reason to be mad at me, Inoue but… don't cry, alright? I'm sorry… I'm sorry I've been ignoring you, I'm sorry I haven't been acting happy." Her lower lip trembled.
"Please, don't apologize, Kurosaki-kun… I know I'm being very selfish… I know you've been through so much I just…" She trailed off. Life was fucked up, three years didn't do shit for healing. All it's done for me so far is remind me how much I probably have a death wish and how ungrateful I am for not wanting what's right in front of me.
"I need some time." It came out rushed, but it was the only thing I could think of. I knew if I walked away, got in my car and went home right now she'd cry herself to sleep and be a wreck until things got smoothed over. And yeah, I'm the biggest jackass in the world for letting it happen. Turning away I paused, brows furrowing. There had to be something. Something I could say... something to make it a bit better. But what was there? "I'll call you." Perfect.
As I got in the car and left her standing there in the driveway sobbing, I ground my teeth so hard I was sure the enamel would break, and the second I got to a red light I brought my phone out and shot a quick text to Tatsuki. Even though I knew I'd be getting my ass handed to me from her the next time I saw her, I had to do something.
~Yo. I'm a selfish bastard. So go watch Inoue for me for a bit, make sure she doesn't cry. Sorry.
The first thing I did when I got home was fall face first onto my bed and start up a good old fashion pity party in my honor. Happy Thursday.
A/N: No ship hate please! This is a GrimmIchi story but I like to throw twists and curves into the mix. Inoue Orihime is my goddess and it pains me to hurt her.
*WARNING FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER* There is extremely graphic violence depicted next. Please keep in mind that Grimmjow is a convicted murderer, and that will be reflected in his actions. If you can't handle that sort of thing, it's alright to skip!