"Here." Ahsoka tossed a small packet toward Fives before settling on the ground beside him. "For the cough you had earlier."
"Thanks." He said, unwrapping the throat lozenges, surprised that she even noticed he needed them. But then again, it was Ahsoka, so of course she had noticed.
A rustling noise drew his gaze away from the package he held in his hands. The shiny silver packaging of the ration bar stood out exceptionally in the darkness of this late evening. Fives watched as Ahsoka leaned against a tree, stretched out her legs and took a big bite.
"You have a ration and I get tabs?" Fives asked. "How's that fair?"
"Well you needed one, and you already thanked me for it," Ahsoka replied though she seemed to pay more attention to her supper than him.
"I'd thank you even more if you gave me food." He grumbled.
Ahsoka paused for a second, then turned to face him, closing the distance between their faces so they were only inches apart.
"Thank me how?" She asked with a sly smile. There was a challenge flickering in her eyes, but he didn't think he was able to take it up.
Fives swallowed hard.
"Too late." He managed to utter. "You'll never know." Ahsoka narrowed her eyes on him but moved back to her previous spot. Fives discreetly let out the breath he'd been holding.
"Well done, Fives. You almost made me feel remorseful." She said and, to make her point, took another large bite of her ration.
Fives intended to tease her adamant conscience but was thrown off by the sweet scent. "Wait- Is that uj'ayl?"
"Yup."
"How did you even get that?" He asked genuinely astounded. Sweet rations were a rarity, meant to give a quick sugar boost in difficult situations, not to be handed out as a snack.
"I asked nicely. You should try that sometimes."
Fives looked at her, deadpan, "Gus let you have it since we're out tomorrow anyway, didn't he?"
"You should really start acting nicer to people." Ahsoka shook her head disapprovingly, avoiding the answer.
"Oh, yeah? And why is that?"
"Because he let me have two." She took another packet out of her pocket and flashed him a smile.
Fives chuckled. Looks like Gus really became generous with dispensing rations.
"You had that all this time?" Fives asked, expecting her to banter with him some more but she simply handed him the ration.
"So what were you saying about those thanks?" Ahsoka smiled brightly at him again.
"That it was too late." He teased her with a grin.
Fives looked at the silver wrapping Ahsoka gave him. She really had been caring for him a lot these days, more than she gave herself credit for and more than Fives believed he deserved. He took a taste of his ration bar and it was as sweet as he remembered. They finished the meal in silence while the sound of cicadas became more intense as the night grew darker. Ahsoka shifted next to him, making herself more comfortable against a tree trunk.
Fives couldn't help but think about all the things she had been doing for him recently. Ever since he confided his fears to her, Ahsoka made sure to always be around when he might need her. That's precisely why, at this very moment, she was lying on the ground instead of sleeping soundly in her officer's tent. This had been that way for the past week, where spending the better part of nights together had become a habit. Ahsoka would tire Fives with chatter until he fell asleep, and once nightmares shook him awake, she'd be there to listen or simply hold his hand. Fives doubted she knew just how much this meant to him.
Ahsoka yawned deeply beside him, but then, as if realising what she had done, she straightened up and spoke most briskly. "So, how would you rate Mantessa out of all the worlds you've been to?"
Fives smiled gently, knowing exactly what she was doing. Lately, Ahsoka wouldn't let herself blink for too long until she was certain that Fives had fallen asleep first. Even if it meant fighting her own fatigue.
"You run a ranking?" He asked with amusement.
"More or less."
"Based on what? The usefulness of flora as a cover from explosions?" He kidded 'cause wherever they've been to, they hardly ever saw anything besides the battlefield.
"No," Ahsoka huffed. "But I do include plants. I evaluate climate, temperature, fauna…" She listed on her fingers. "I also give extra points for not sustaining a fatal injury during my stay."
Fives gave a laugh. "I like that one." He commended, but then a bitter thought crossed his mind about how rarely such points had to be granted.
There was a long pause from the young woman and Fives slowly began to wonder whether she had given in to weariness.
"You think we'll be back here?" Ahsoka finally asked, though her voice sounded more distant.
"Who knows." He shrugged lightly. He never had much of a choice as to where he was assigned.
"I could see the sundown on Hoth again." She admitted after a while.
I can go anywhere as long as it's with you, Fives thought but didn't dare to say out loud. Instead, he asked, "If you had a chance to choose, would you rather see a new planet or revisit the one you already know?"
"That's a tough question." Ahsoka praised, then went silent, pondering for a moment. "I… don't know. I like seeing new places but I enjoy returning to old ones too. Observing how the planets have changed while I was gone. Because they never feel the same. Not really."
"That's not really an answer." He remarked and Ahsoka rolled her eyes.
"Okay, Mr. Precision." She mocked. "Then I'll go with revisiting. You?"
"New ones, definitely." He replied without a thought. "If I have good memories with the place, why ruin it? If not, then I'm not big on second chances." He leaned his head backwards, trying to catch a glimpse of the stars, but the forest was too thick to allow it. "The only place I do enjoy returning to is Kamino. And I suppose Corrie is not too bad either."
Ahsoka hummed in understanding. "Probably all of them would seem better without tanks. It'd be nice to visit Felucia or Tatooine once the war's over. See them in a completely new light."
Fives frowned. "Why Tatooine of all places?"
"I don't know. To build sandcastles?" She said, and Fives laughed, partly because of how she tried to hide another yawn.
"Be it. I've heard worse holiday plans if that's any reassurance for you."
Fives didn't often think about his life after the war. He tried not to. There was no certainty about what would happen to the clones after that, nor was there any certainty he'd be among the survivors. But sometimes, when his mind drifted in this direction, he was tempted by the idea of being able to go wherever he wanted. To be truly free and choose where to live. However, there was a downside to this idyllic scenario because, once the war ended, the Jedi would be stripped of their GAR ranks and return from the battlefield to the Temple. Ahsoka would go back to her original calling as a keeper of the peace, and their paths would part forever. The real possibility of never seeing her again made him sick.
Fives chased the thought away; it belonged to the distant, unknown future over which he had no control. He should savour what he had now, which was a peaceful night with Ahsoka at his side. He wanted to relish it, knowing it was the last one. Tomorrow they would be back on the cruiser, and he wasn't naive enough to believe the routine would seamlessly transfer to the Resolute. But before his mind could wander into that unrealistic screenplay, a head bumped against his shoulder, snapping him back to reality.
Fives froze. Ahsoka was leaning against his pauldron, her montral slightly poking his cheek. He very slowly and carefully turned his head to glance at the woman without excessively moving his shoulder.
"'Soka?" He whispered but she didn't even stir. Her eyes were closed whereas her lips slightly parted.
He felt his heartbeat quicken. Fives frowned, realising there wasn't much else he could do. He was afraid to move, not wanting to wake her up. He tried to convince himself that he was doing this for Ahsoka's sake - she was tired and certainly needed rest. However, the warmth spreading inside his chest betrayed how much he was taking pleasure from her closeness.
Just as his heart rate began to return to its normal pace, Ahsoka's head rolled over, and her forehead pressed against his neck. Fives inhaled sharply as her deep breaths ghosted over his skin.
Great. Now he definitely won't be able to fall asleep. He could only wait for Ahsoka to awaken, stirred by the rustling leaves or the night's wind. Because there was no way Fives would do anything to disrupt her sleep.
But then he himself was startled by an unfamiliar sound. It was loud, so he kind of expected Ahsoka to arise but she didn't budge. Fives frowned in confusion as he tried to identify the sound's source. It took him longer than it should've to realise that Ahsoka was purring. He remembered stories told by veteran clones that when Ahsoka was younger, she happened to purr when cuddled at the general's side. There were even a few holos capturing those moments. Yet, despite his long-standing acquaintance with Ahsoka, Fives has never seen it firsthand. At least until now.
Fives had to fight a chuckle when he thought about his militant commander, who was now softly purring like a tooka. He loved seeing these different sides of her, the aspects not everyone was allowed to witness. He was strangely proud of the fact that Ahsoka felt safe and relaxed with him to this extent. This feeling went both ways, though. And despite his claims that he wouldn't be able to fall asleep, soon his breathing synced with Ahsoka's, and his eyes fell closed. It didn't take him long to drift off into dreams.
A sharp pain in his shin pulled him out of sleep. Fives slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to find that it was already daylight. What startled him, even more, was the fact that his cheek was pressed against the blue-white montral. Lifting his head, he squinted as he hadn't yet gotten accustomed to the bright light. Then, the pain in his leg returned in a new wave, prompting Fives to look up.
"Well good morning," Jesse said with a grin. His arms were folded over his chest but at least he refrained from swinging another kick into Fives' calf. "I hope it's not how you spend your night shifts."
"I'm not on duty now, am I?" Fives remarked in a lower voice, very mindful of Ahsoka still resting on his shoulder.
"No, you're certainly not," Jesse's smile didn't fade one bit.
Fives felt the weight on his shoulder shift. Turning to his left, he met Ahsoka's blue eyes who looked as if she was still half asleep. She was staring into his eyes with dreaminess and even though the tips of their noses were almost touching, she didn't seem bothered by it at all.
"Hello, Commander," Jesse said briskly and it sobered her in an instant. Ahsoka pulled away from Fives as if she'd been burnt.
"What did I miss?" She asked in a panicked voice.
"Breakfast," Jesse replied. "But I'm sure Gus saved something for you."
Ahsoka looked at chrono but the sight only made her more nervous.
"Kriff," she muttered. Rising abruptly, she mumbled some apologies. Fives tried to catch her eyes, but she effectively avoided making any eye contact. Just like that, she was gone, and Fives felt her absence more acutely than he should.
Fives scrambled to his feet, trying not to sulk too much at how Ahsoka practically ran away from him. Or at least he wouldn't sulk about it right now, not under Jesse's vigilant gaze.
"Now I get why I haven't seen you in the tent lately." Jesse sent him a meaningful look. Fives started looking for a reasonable explanation, but before he could say anything, Jesse spoke up, "Let's go, we're leaving in ten."
He followed Jesse to the camp, where soldiers were already preparing to set out into the woods. Fives barely had time to realise that it was the first night in a long while that he had slept through.
The Torrent headed out for their final trek through the Mantessan forest, but this time to a collection point. They had many miles to walk, but hopefully, once they reached the destination, gunships would already be waiting to transport them back to the Resolute. The troops were in high spirits, sudden laughter sounded from all directions, and no one had to worry about exposing their position to the enemy. Having cleared the planet of Separatist forces in the last few weeks, they could finally enjoy the peace they had established.
Fives contributed to those bursts of laughter, throwing snappy remarks. But as the sun began to set, his headache increased, and he became more of a passive listener than an active conversation member.
When they finally reached the rendezvous point, it was completely dark. The glade wasn't illuminated by the gunships' headlights, nor was the silence disrupted by the engines' rumble. Something was wrong and Fives wasn't going to wait until the news got passed on to him. He fought his way through the soldiers to the front lines, as snippets from the overall commotion didn't make anything clearer for him.
"What's going on?" He asked once he spotted Chase. "Why aren't we leaving?"
"Apparently ships can't get through the storm in the higher atmospheric layers." The man answered unamused. "I wouldn't bet on them making it here today. Get a nap or somethin'. It's gonna be a while."
Fives followed Chase's gaze up to the cloudless sky. At first, he thought it was some kind of poor joke. But then lightning cracked, lighting up the darkness. It became apparent that his stay here just got a bit longer.
There wasn't much to do, and since Fives' health condition had only worsened, he didn't bother finding himself a useful occupation. Instead, he simply sat down by a tree. He wasn't sure if the temperature had risen significantly or if he was burning up with a fever. When Ahsoka had given him the meds last evening, Fives thought she was a bit too overprotective. But now the headache was killing him, so much so that he would've been able to kill someone else just to get the pills. Yet, he just didn't have the strength to get up on his feet.
Fives closed his eyes to alleviate the dizziness that had taken over his head. He relished every cold breeze that swept over his hot skin, consoling himself with the thought that, with time, the pain would pass, much like the thunder hindering their transport.
"Fives?" Ahsoka's voice forced him to open his eyes. "Are you okay?"
"Yup." He stifled a groan. "Just waiting for the transport." He straightened up, attempting to appear better than he felt, but the movement sent a wave of pain through his bones, making Fives wince. Ahsoka kneeled down next to him, not bothering to ask more questions. She stared at him silently, her brow furrowed in worry as she surveyed him. "Can't take your eyes off of me, can you?" Fives raised one eyebrow, struggling for a sultry smile. "Am I that hot?" His smug smile was wiped from his face when Ahsoka suddenly leaned in and pressed her hand to his forehead.
"Yeah, about 40 degrees to be precise." She countered, frowning further. Fives was pretty sure that at least two degrees were now caused by her proximity. "Come on. Medbay. Now."
"Ahsoka-" His first impulse was to brush it off and say he was fine. But then Fives remembered all the lame excuses he had fed himself and where they had led him. If he had learned anything in the past few weeks, it was that there were things he couldn't handle on his own. "Can you help me get up?" He asked.
"Now you really got me worried." She said in astonishment at what Fives laughed weakly. "The fever must be really getting to you if you're agreeing on medbay so easily."
Ahsoka swung his arm over her shoulders and helped him up. Fives quickly realised that asking for her assistance might not have been such a great idea after all because when her arm wrapped tightly around his waist, his knees became weak again.
"Alright?" Ahsoka asked as his breathing had gotten shallow.
"Yeah," he muttered. "Totally."
They made their way toward the tent that temporarily served as Kix's workplace. Ahsoka navigated them through the forest and other soldiers, holding him close until they reached the medbay. Parting the flaps, they were met with a pair of vigilant, brown eyes.
"Hi, Kix. Got a minute?" Ahsoka greeted sweetly whereas Fives didn't even bother to smile.
"Kriff, what happened to him?" Medic asked tiredly but helped Ahsoka get Fives to the bed in the corner.
"Nothing new, he's being the careless di'kut as usual. Only now with a fever." Ahsoka stepped aside, letting Kix do a more thorough examination.
"Well, that's gonna take more than a minute." He said after taking Fives' temperature. "He'll have to stay for the night."
"All right but at least buy me dinner first." Fives struggled for a sultry voice but his throat was too sore for that.
"Just shut up and take off your armour." Kix let out a sigh.
Fives smirked, "I get that a lot."
Ahsoka laughed at his comment but when Fives actually started pulling on the buckles of his armour, she fell strangely silent. Kix came to assist him with the troublesome clasps, as haziness made it take Fives ten times longer than it normally would. Ahsoka stood two steps away from them, her arms folded over her chest, but her gaze was shifted to the side as if she wasn't feeling completely comfortable with him undressing in front of her, even though he was still wearing blacks underneath.
With the last plastoid plates out of the way, Fives finally lay down on the cot on the floor. Although his head rested on the solid ground, it didn't stop the dizziness. He didn't even notice when Kix returned with the syringe until the needle sank into his neck. Fives winced. He really hated the medbay.
"How is he?" Ahsoka asked and she wasn't good at keeping worry out of her voice.
"He'll live. Fever should subside completely within a few hours." Kix said calmly and to Fives' relief, his voice sounded more distant now thanks to the distance and not Fives' foggy mind. "I need to check on others. I'll be one tent away."
"That's fine, I'll look over him," Ahsoka assured. Fives rolled his eyes at how they were talking as if he wasn't there.
"I'll come back in an hour to administer another injection," the medic informed her, already standing one foot outside. "Can you make sure he stays put, commander?"
"That I can do."
There was a swish of tent flap, followed by a chill gust of wind that managed to slip through. Fives closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of the cold breeze cooling his feverish skin. But then a hand slid into the hair at the back of his neck, causing his body to flare up, and his eyes snapped open.
"Fives, can you sit up?" Ahsoka asked. There was a bottle of water in her other hand.
"Yeah." He nodded, even though he wasn't so sure of it.
Ahsoka helped him up enough so he could drink. The cold water ran down his sore throat, providing momentary relief. The fever was making him dizzy and confused; he could barely discern in which galaxy he was. Yet somehow, he was acutely aware of Ahsoka's proximity and the way her palm gently cradled his head.
"Thanks." He muttered once his head fell back onto the cot. He raised his hand to wipe a droplet of water from his chin but Ahsoka forestalled him.
"No problem. That's what nurses do, right?" She said playfully but Fives strongly disagreed as her fingers still hovered on his jaw. He hadn't expected that kind of attention from anyone, much less her.
Ahsoka shifted to make herself more comfortable by his bedding. She moved both her hands to her side, yet she leaned over him, watching him with a gentle concern that kept Fives' heart on a faster pace. And while already fighting a battle with the illness, he wasn't capable of fighting his feelings, too.
"You don't have to stay here." Fives assured, trying not to sound too ungrateful.
"And yet I will," Ahsoka said with a smile. "Unless you don't want me to. Am I that bad of a medic?"
"Not worse than I'm a patient." Fives muttered at what Ahsoka chuckled. Clearly, there was no use in trying to get rid of her.
Fives sighed heavily. He could slowly feel the meds taking over his senses and allowing his actions to slip from under the careful watch of his rationality. But when Ahsoka's palm pressed against his forehead and slid down to his cheek, Fives concluded that he must not be the only one deprived of his senses.
"What are you doing?" He rasped sharply.
"Checking your temperature."
"Isn't there a thermometer?!" He snapped harsher than he intended. Ahsoka looked at him baffled and withdrew her hand.
Fives shut his eyes, his own hand landing on his forehead, trying to sort out his thoughts. He didn't mean to offend her. Ahsoka simply was acting like the kind, caring person she had always been. The issue was that Fives' brain had trouble understanding that and his feverish state wasn't doing him any favours. It wasn't healthy for him to feed himself on these acts of kindness as his stupid heart read more into them than they really were.
"Sorry." He said, his hand falling back to his side. It wasn't fair to take out his own frustration on her.
"It's okay." Ahsoka nodded in understanding. "Neither of us is a huge fan of medical treatment."
Fives thought that he would gladly become a permanent medbay attender if she was in charge.
He looked around the tent to divert his thoughts elsewhere. Four lanterns weren't enough to light up the furthest corner of the room but served well to cast soft shadows on Ahsoka's face. The walls of the tent seemed to waver, making his head spin even more. But when he returned his gaze to her, deep as the ocean, eyes, he felt calm again. Fives sighed. He really was helpless.
Ahsoka rose suddenly from her seat. Fives observed in silence as she crossed the room to where the crates of supplies were stacked. When she came back, she was holding a bowl of water and a towel. Ahsoka wrung out the fabric before delicately wiping the sweat that collected on his brow.
Fives expected her to leave a cool towel on his forehead but instead, she put it back into the bowl. Her palm returned to his face, her fingers brushing over his feverish skin. Gently, she pushed away the strands of his dark hair that clung to his forehead. But she didn't stop there. Her fingers travelled further, sinking into his locks, her thumb tenderly stroking his cheekbone. It was the sweetest feeling in the world. He just didn't understand why she was like that.
"'Soka..."
"What's wrong? Are you feeling worse?" Ahsoka sounded a little scared as she took his sigh as a sign of discomfort. "Should I get Kix?"
"It's not that…"
"Then what is it?" She asked softly. Her hand continued gentle movements, soothing his burning skin.
"When you're acting like that…" He muttered.
"Like what? A medic?" Ahsoka looked at him with oblivious curiosity.
"Yes… No." Fives shook his head. He huffed annoyed at the fever clouding his mind, hindering his ability to express himself. "That- When it's just two of us… 'm startin' to think there's something more." The painkillers kicked in, loosening his tongue and causing him to blurt out words he would regret - if only he could remember them the next day. "...sometimes, when I look at you, I think I'm imaginin' things…like that time I got shot."
"While on our undercover mission?" Ahsoka marvelled. "Fives, that was real, you did get shot."
"...you were so worried…"
"I'm beginning to worry right now, too." Her eye markings met in a frown.
"That was when I realised what I've been feelin'." He went on. "But I can't figure you out… I don't know how much of what I see is true and how much is jus' what I want to see." His speech was slurred but more honest than he'd ever dare to say if he was in control of his body and mind.
Through hooded eyes, Fives observed Ahsoka. He saw the wonderful woman, who was always there for others - always there for him. He could look at her forever the same way he was doing now, even as her eyes reflected her confusion.
"You should get some sleep, Fives." She whispered and her hand moved to brush the sweat from his forehead once again. "You'll feel better in the morning."
"Mhm, no…" He shook his head, or rather let it roll to the side from his exhaustion. "'I…need to know why… Why'd you kiss me?"
Ahsoka froze. Her hands hovered awkwardly mid-air for a moment before finally reaching out to fix the blanket he had slipped off. "Fives, I think you should rest."
"'Soka, tell me-"
"We'll talk tomorrow, okay?" She offered him a smile. Fives would rather get an answer but he didn't have the strength to argue. He was feeling tired. His breaths were deep and heavy, and his eyes opened slower and slower each time he blinked.
"Shh, it's okay," Ahsoka whispered softly. Her face was shrouded with worry that Fives longed to take away. Her palm traversed through his locks in an attempt to calm him. But Fives didn't want to fall asleep. He wanted to keep staring into her big blue eyes, which shone remarkably in the dim light. Her lekku swung lightly as she leaned over him, and the only thing he could think at this moment was how beautiful she was.
"Mesh'la," the word fell out of his mouth. He would roughly chastise himself for it if he were in his full senses. Ahsoka's eyes widened a fraction, and the hand running through his hair halted for a second, but Fives' mind was too foggy to notice.
"You need rest, Fives. I'll be here; I'm not going anywhere," she promised gently.
Fives could no longer resist his exhaustion or Ahsoka's persuasion. He was on the verge of sleep when he felt soft lips pressing against his forehead. The last thing he saw before falling into unconsciousness was the deep, shimmering ocean.
Fives woke up slowly. The quiet rustling and the smell of antiseptics gradually pulled him back to consciousness. Before he even managed to open his eyes, his mind greeted him with images of Ahsoka caressing his face. Fives quickly gave credit for that to Kix's strong meds because he believed that even a fever wasn't able to prompt his mind to conjure such bold dreams.
He carefully sat up and looked around. With wonder, he realised that both the fever and headache were gone. Morning sunlight streamed into the tent, lighting up the bottles in Kix's hands. The medic was packing his supplies into the crates, but besides the two of them, the room was empty.
"How do you feel?" The man asked once he noticed that Fives was awake.
"Confident, but sometimes I feel I could do better, you know?"
"Excellent, now take this and bring it to the gunship." Kix pointed at the boxes by the entrance.
"No kiss me goodbye?" Fives asked. In response, Kix pushed the crate into his arms. "I guess not, then."
Fives needed a while to gather himself, and once he left the tent, he was amazed by the commotion outside. Everyone was busting around, carrying equipment to load onto the waiting gunships. But even in the midst of this flurry, he easily spotted Ahsoka. She noticed him too, her face lighting up as she moved in his direction.
"You look better today." She greeted him.
"You mean I didn't look good yesterday? I remember you admitting I was hot."
"And you're back to your old self," she remarked, rolling her eyes. Her hands were also filled with boxes so they headed toward the ship together. It was then that Fives noticed the flush on her cheeks. "About that…" Ahsoka started hesitantly. "How much exactly do you remember from yesterday?"
"I…remember having a fever?" He said, not quite sure what she was asking. "Everything after getting meds is kinda blurry. Why? Did I say something crazy?"
"Um, no, not crazy. Not really." She said, perplexed, and the blush on her face deepened.
"Not really? That's suspicious." He raised one leery eyebrow. "Did you take advantage of my intoxicated state and extract secrets from me?"
"What?! Of course not," Ahsoka denied vehemently, more than Fives thought was necessary considering he was joking. "It's not my fault that you're talking too much," she muttered.
"If you say so…" Fives said thoughtfully, watching Ahsoka's peculiar behaviour from the corner of his eye. He wondered what he had said that made her so uneasy. He had witnessed too many brothers on strong medication to know that everything that left their mouths was nothing but rubbish. Fives had no doubt he wasn't any different.
"So you honestly don't remember anything?" Ahsoka pressed.
"Honestly." He nodded, surprised by her persistence. "But I guess I'll find out the next time you decide to blackmail me, anyway." He shrugged.
Fives wasn't sure if Ahsoka calmed down due to his assurance or if his joke had worked to ease her nerves. Nonetheless, when she spoke up, her voice was light again.
"Oh, come on. It doesn't happen that often. Don't make me a villain here."
"Don't worry, I don't blame you - I'm not a hypocrite. I would also blackmail you at every chance I got."
Ahsoka laughed sonorously. There was a light silence between them as they passed through bigger crowds. But once there was enough space to walk side by side again, Ahsoka spoke up.
"Fives, what does mesh'la mean?"
"Huh? Why? Where did you get that from?" He frowned, puzzled.
"You said it. When you had a fever."
Fives nearly tripped over on a straight road. He said what?!
He could feel Ahsoka's stare as she was baffled by his strange reaction to what she must've assumed was a completely normal question. Fives tried to put on a straight face while his heartbeat raced. He scrambled to recollect vague memories from last night. Did he really say it? He couldn't remember. But what reason could Ahsoka possibly have to lie? She also looked genuinely curious about it. And it's not like the word didn't circle in his mind at the thought of her. But he couldn't tell her that. Yet he had to say something, and quickly, because with each second her gaze became more suspicious. His mind worked at full speed to come up with a coherent response.
"It's… That's a… It's a swear!" He almost shouted as if he won an award. Way to go, Fives, he thought wryly. "Yeah, I felt like my head was being crushed, so…that's what it was."
"Huh, I've never heard that one before," Ahsoka admitted thoughtfully.
"It's pretty nasty." He went on, trying to add credibility to his lie. "Sorry."
"No, that's fine. Another one to the dictionary, right?" She joked.
"Yeah. Sure." He nodded, wanting nothing more than to abandon this conversation.
Thankfully, they finally reached the cargo bay and dropped their crates. Whether Ahsoka wanted to ask him any more questions or not, she couldn't, as more people boarded the ship. It quickly became loud with chatter and even louder when the machine's engines roared to life. Yet it still wasn't half as noisy as the turmoil in his head.
Fives didn't feel good about lying to Ahsoka. And though panic wasn't the best excuse for it, somehow explaining why on earth he called her beautiful seemed even worse. Hopefully, the subject would never resurface, and they both would just forget about it.
However, this still didn't alleviate his fear of what else he might have blurted out yesterday. What if Kix's meds didn't prompt him to trash talk and instead worked as a truth serum? Or worse - alcohol, after which he was able to blissfully share his deepest secrets, including medical records. From the mere perspective of what Ahsoka might've heard, Fives started to feel dizzy as if he was hit with another wave of fever. This fear crept under his skin and didn't disappear for the rest of the journey to the Resolute.
Fives hadn't realised how much he missed the cruiser until he got there. The quiet hum of the ship and the steady temperature at exactly 21.5 degrees were things that already made Resolute ten times better than the Mantessan forest. And when you add to it a real meal, Fives could call it heaven. A very loud, crowded one, but heaven nonetheless.
"Damnit!" Tup cursed. He abandoned his tray of food the moment they sat at the table to scroll through his pad, which was now the reason for his anger. "We're seven episodes behind."
"Oh, why must the galaxy be so hard on us?" Fives dramatically placed his hand on his heart.
"Something hard must've fallen on your head, that's for sure," Jesse remarked, loud enough for Fives to hear over the canteen's noise.
Fives crumpled empty wrapping into a ball and threw it at Jesse's forehead. "Better watch your own," he smirked, pleased with the irritation painted on the man's face.
"That's how you're gonna-"
"Or what? Would you-"
"A marathon coming up, then?" Ahsoka ignored their dispute and turned to Tup. "Count me in, as always."
"That's what I was hoping to hear, sir." Tup sent her a smile, which she returned.
After a disapproving glare that Ahsoka shot Fives' way, he abandoned his fight with Jesse and the four of them finally gave more attention to the food on their plates. Though Tup still repeatedly peeked at the pad's screen, eager for all the news he missed while being cut off from the holonet.
"Fives, pass me sugar," Ahsoka said, holding out her open hand to him.
"No, get in line." He grasped her wrist and put her hand back onto the tabletop.
"You're not even using it," she pointed out, pouting.
"I might want to at some point." He moved the sugar bowl even further away from her. "Just wait for your turn."
"I've been waiting for the past ten minutes until you make up your mind. I know thinking isn't your strong point, but that's overkill."
Fives made an offended face as he heard snickers from his brothers.
"You know, I wasn't keen on handing it to you at first, but how could I say no to your courtesy?" He teased, earning a roll of her eyes.
"Just give me that." Ahsoka bumped into his shoulder and reached out her hand for the bowl.
They started to push each other during bickering, even though they both knew she could've easily used the Force to get what she wanted. The battle might have gone on for a few more minutes, but when Ahsoka swung her arm, her elbow knocked the cup, and tea spilt onto the table.
"Mesh'la." She muttered, quickly grabbing napkins to clean up the mess she caused. Fives, on the other hand, froze with his arms still hanging in the air. He clutched to the hope that her Mando'a would go unnoticed in the bustling mess, but the puzzled looks of his brothers made him realise that the matter hadn't escaped their notice.
"Yyyy…commander?" Tup asked hesitantly. "Do you know what that word means?"
Ahsoka, still distracted by drying up the table, said absent-mindedly, "It's a curse, right?"
"Well, not exactly…" Tup drawled. He exchanged uncertain looks with Jesse as if he suddenly became unsure of the translation himself.
"What?" Ahsoka looked up at them, confused. "Then what is it? I hope it's not offensive." She appeared frightened that she had made some blunder. Fives could only watch in horror as the situation unfolded in front of his eyes.
"No, no, nothing like that." Tup calmed her quickly. "Just not really…accurate in the context. Mesh'la means beautiful."
"Oh!" Ahsoka's eyes grew wide, her mouth hanging open in surprise. But then the puzzles in her head seemed to come together and she slowly frowned. "Oh…"
"Yeah, so nothing to worry about." Tup assured cheerfully, trying to put her at ease. Fives really needed someone to soothe his nerves as he felt like passing out. He wanted to concentrate on his meal to avoid suspicion, but he was better at biting his own lip than the steak on his plate.
"Where did you hear it in the first place anyway?" Jesse asked her amused. Fives went rigid, silently praying to the universe to get him out of there.
"I heard it from F-" Ahsoka said straight away but stopped mid-sentence. "I overheard it somewhere." She corrected herself quickly. "I just came to the wrong conclusion. My mistake." She sent them an embarrassed smile, but Fives knew it was forced.
"That's okay. Could happen to anyone." Tup asserted.
"Yeah, next time I need to find a reliable interpreter," Ahsoka said, trying to end the subject. But Fives had the feeling that the comment was directed at him. He just knew the tips of his ears were burning hot.
The awkward silence at their table was broken by a commlink on the woman's wrist. "Ahsoka, I need you on the bridge ASAP." Skywalker's voice sounded.
"Got it, master." She replied, ending the call. "Sorry, boys. Duty calls." Ahsoka said brightly, and although she did an excellent job, Fives was able to pick up the false note in her voice.
"See you later, commander," Jesse replied and Tup gave her a wave of his hand. Ahsoka swiftly collected her tray and rushed for the exit.
Fives had thought that once the subject of translation was dropped, he'd be able to finish his meal in peace. Now, however, he was clutching to his fork even tighter and his teeth gritted in anger. It just didn't feel right. He dropped the cutlery to the table with a clank.
"Take care of it for me, will you?" Fives asked, pointing to his dishes. Without waiting for a response, he got up from his place and jogged out of the mess. He hoped he could still catch her before she made it to the bridge. Three turns later, he finally saw the blue-white montrals.
"Ahsoka!" He called out as she reached the end of a hallway. Ahsoka turned and waited for him to join her. "Hey, got a minute?" He asked, a little breathless from the run.
"What's up?" Ahsoka asked. She folded her arms over her chest, but there was a tension in her shoulders she usually didn't carry.
Fives took a breath, quickly organising his thoughts. "Listen… I'm sorry for lying to you earlier. I should've told you from the beginning what it really meant. I just… I was-"
"No, that's ok. I get it." Ahsoka stopped his stutter. "It's as you said. You had a fever and you don't even remember it." Despite her composure and calmness in her voice, Fives could sense that the entire situation made things awkward.
Fives wasn't sure what to say. Everything Ahsoka had stated was correct. Yesterday's events were vague in his mind at best. However, what remained unspoken was the fact that, even though he couldn't remember voicing the word, he believed it to be true.
"I have to go now, so if that's all…"
"Yeah, of course." He nodded quickly, not wanting to waste any more of her time. Though, despite his apologies, Fives' chest didn't feel much lighter. Not only had he placed Ahsoka in that embarrassing position in the mess, but she also had to put on a brave face right now. He couldn't stand the sadness in her eyes and he knew it would haunt him if he didn't do something.
She was already turning away when he called for her.
"Ahsoka." Fives waited until she met his eyes, then he said evenly, "I do think you're beautiful."
Ahsoka's mouth fell agape and her eye markings shot up so high that it looked almost comical. She was frozen in place while her cheeks burned with a blush. Fives couldn't have been more certain of his confession than he was right now. Ahsoka's lekku stripes darkened to nearly black when a call sounded from her comm.
"Ahsoka, where are you?" Anakin's voice echoed in the corridor.
The woman blinked quickly, trying to collect herself.
"I'm coming," Ahsoka said but she was so distracted that she didn't even raise the comm to her mouth. She realised it after a second and switched on the device. "I'm coming, Master," she repeated properly this time. Her gaze fell on Fives, and he could see that she was trying to fight her smile and failing. Ahsoka bit down on her lip, visibly unsure of what to say. "I, um… I need to go…now," she stuttered, and after two awkward steps backwards, she turned around and sprinted down the hall.
Fives stared at the empty corridor, trying to process what had actually happened. A blush crept onto his own cheeks, and he couldn't help but chuckle. Returning to the Resolute had never felt more heavenly.