"Last time on Total Drama Island," Chris starts, standing on that infamous dock with the sun shining down brightly, a rainbow in the sky after a rainy few days. "When the challenge called for teams of two, the Codester was ready to try his luck with gothy Gwen, but he soon realized that Trent was the only man for her. Duncan pressured Sadie and Harold further after Tyler's elimination, making sure they know their place within his team. Most tragic of all, Beth was thrown under the bus by Heather, who was trying to replace her spot in her alliance with LeShawna, leading to her elimination after a series of lies contaminated her credibility."
After seeing all these events in the recap, Chris holds up a hunting rifle, aiming the scope around as Chef stands by him holding his own.
"Out in the woods, there's nothing more fun than hunting game. But, in these woods, there's nothing more fun than hunting each other. Will Trent and Gwen finally tie the knot? Will Sadie ever get back in touch with Katie? Will Heather and Noah's rivalry finally come to a head? Find out all this and more on the most dramatic episode of…
Total!
Drama!
Island!"
The theme song plays over an intro sequence.
The first shot depicts Wawanakwa in full, leading up to a giant cliff and zooming past McLean as he sips a coffee before diving into the water below the cliff.
Dear Mom and Dad, I'm doing fine.
You guys are on my mind.
We see Ezekiel under water, watching Geoff and Bridgette with a downtrodden look on his face, both of which are staring longingly into each other's eyes until an eagle picks Geoff up by his shoulders and carries him off. Bridgette tries to reach for him, watching him fly away with concern.
You asked me what I wanted to be and now I think the answer is plain to see
I wanna be famous.
The eagle drops Geoff down as it soars past the sun. He falls down a few tree branches before landing in DJ's arms, who seconds prior was enjoying nature and the copious animals around him. The animals get violent and attack as soon as their peace is disturbed. DJ and Geoff scream as the former runs with the latter in his arms away from the vicious animals.
Duncan laughs hysterically at the scene, but Courtney glares at him with disapproval, causing him to stop.
I wanna live close to the sun
So pack your bags cause I already won.
Heather is in a canoe with Beth and LeShawna going down the stream. Beth is in the middle, trying to separate the two from dueling. The canoe ends up careening off of the stream and down a waterfall, which makes the teens fall to the water below, passing by Harold as he practices a few fighting poses on a dangerously positioned log overlooking the falls. As he stretches his arms and legs out in a dorky position, Izzy swings in on a vine and knocks into him, bumping directly into an outhouse housing Lindsay, who falls out with her skirt around her ankles.
Everything to prove
Nothing in my way
I'll get there one day
Cause I wanna be famous.
Inside the mess hall kitchen, we see Chef preparing some disgusting green soup with his bare hand dipped into the pot. He looks behind him at a tied up Owen and Noah, both looking petrified of whatever Chef is concoting for them. In the mess hall itself, Eva arm wrestles Tyler, easily beating him and dislocating his arm.
Outside on the beach, Sadie and Katie coo over Justin, who is looking at himself in between two mirrors. He winks at one, his teeth glistening.
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na
We get a good look at the polluted, muggy, teal waters of Wawanakwa, a few seagulls fighting over a cellphone. Katie swims for it, with Sadie watching from the sand anxiously, but the skinny brown clone of her best friend ends up being terrorized by a shark and swims back to shore as fast as she can.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
Back on the dock of shame, we see Justin strut to the edge before ripping his shirt off, water from the shark splashing towards Katie drenching his perfectly chiseled muscles. He flexes as the camera goes up and transitions from day to night, then comes back down at the campfire ceremony.
I wanna be, I wanna be
I wanna be famous!
Trent is playing his guitar for Gwen, who is entranced by him. He leans forward, a warm smile on his face. As they inch closer, Cody gets between them and places a hand on both of their shoulders, smiling dorkily. The rest of the cast whistles the chorus of the theme song as the camera zooms out to capture them all sitting around the bonfire. The logo appears above them.
Total Drama Island:
The Creeps Cut
Created by VoiceFromUnderTheCovers and Crimson Candy.
An unusually peaceful morning for a challenge day helps keep the tired, achey, drained contestants asleep for a little while longer than usual. Of course, this can't go unpunished. Chris rockets over the cabins in his chopper as a wake-up call, succeeding immediately.
In the Bass' boy cabin, Duncan jumps awake, eyes wide and hairs sticking up on end. "They're here, man! The choppers' on us! They found us out!" He jumps down from the top bunk over Harold, cowering underneath Geoff and DJ's beds. "H-hide the stash!"
Geoff looks up at DJ from the bottom bunk, the latter cuddling a teddy bear from the startle of the delinquents screaming and the soaring chopper. Harold rubs his eyes with his hands, putting his glasses on.
On the girls' side of the Bass cabin, Courtney sleeps soundly, earplugs in her ears and a sleeping mask over her eyes, her snoring quiet and steady. Sadie falls out of bed, noticing the big, empty space where Katie used to sleep before frowning. Bridgette groans, hiding her face in her pillow whilst laying on her stomach.
In the Gophers' guys cabin, Noah looks up from his seat on the bed, bags under his eyes as an open notebook lies under his chest, a pencil over his ear. Owen suddenly falls off the top bunk, crashing into the floor whilst continuing to snore the day away. Trent is barely able to lift his head off the pillow, while Cody flutters his eyes open, annoyed.
Lastly, in the girls' side of the Gophers' cabin, Gwen looks up from her top bunk, just about ready to get to sleep, while beneath her, LeShawna shoots up and hits her head against the bunk divider. "Ugh! I am so sick of that man!" She groans.
Heather yawns, looking down at a barely awake Lindsay below her. "Mm.. Well, if we're already awake.. Lindsay?"
"Y-yeah?"
"Go start up the showers for us, please..?"
Lindsay lifts her head up, sighing before that sigh turns to a yawn. "Okay.."
"Thanks, sweetie." Heather replies, cuddling her blankets.
"Yeah, thanks, pudding." LeShawna adds, rubbing her cranium.
"Don't mention it. You would do the same." Lindsay mutters, pushing herself as hard as she can out of bed before slipping on her slippers and grabbing a change of clothes.
(Confessional: Heather)
Heather puts two fingers crossing over one another up to the camera.
(Confessional: LeShawna)
"I really do appreciate everything Heather's been doing for me lately. We have each other's backs, us Gophers. I dunno about the Bass, but over here we work together, and that's why Beth had to go. I don't hate the girl, but she needs to learn how to love herself, and she ain't learning that here."
(Confessional end)
Lindsay gets in the bathroom, dragging herself across the tile floor until she reaches the shower stalls. The showers in the communal washroom take forever to go from cold to warm, which makes standing around in a musty bathroom with a bunch of girls in towels very pressuring. Not for Lindsay, but for somebody, for sure.
She turns the valve and waits, the mirrors slowly fogging up.
Half an hour later, a line outside the girls' bathroom forms. Gwen, Courtney, Bridgette and Sadie wait outside impatiently, holding in their bladders. Gwen knocks heavily on the door.
"Hurry up! It's been hours!" The goth complains.
"What could possibly be taking so long? The stalls are never this backed up." Courtney questions.
"I have no idea." Gwen replies.
"Whatever it is.. I really need to pee!" Sadie says, holding her crotch area as she shifts uncomfortably.
"Tell me about it." Bridgette adds.
"Um, don't actually." Gwen objects. The door finally opens, steam hitting the girls like a blast of pure, concentrated sauna. Heather and LeShawna walk through the door, looking fresh and comfortable in their cute, summer clothes.
"Took you long enough." Courtney tells the teens.
"Sorry, it was just.. So good." Heather inhales, walking past them.
"Why did you take so long?" Gwen asks LeShawna.
"Girl, when those showers are at just the perfect temperature, you can't help but linger." LeShawna struts off, a satisfied smile on her face. The girls start walking in just as Lindsay begins to exit, looking perfect as usual.
"You did leave the showers on, right?" Bridgette asks Lindsay at the door.
"I was supposed to leave them on?"
The girls groan.
In the guys' bathroom, Duncan combs through his mohawk to stand it up straight, while Owen brushes his teeth of crumbs and bits of food and Trent applies make-up on his face. Duncan raises his brow.
"Are you putting on eyeliner?"
"Uh, yeah, why?"
Duncan snorts.
"Judge me all you want, choker."
"Fair enough, fair enough. It's not a bad look, pretty boy."
"Pretty boy? Who do you think you're talking to?"
"Guys, relax! We're all guys here! Let's be supportive!"
"Sorry, man. Looks sick."
"Yeah, no problem."
(Confessional: Noah)
"Ah, Owen, always reliable. If there's one thing I can count on in this place, it's him and maybe Cody. And Heather being a sneaky, snooty little bitch. Today, she's ejected from this game."
(Confessional end)
Noah walks out of the shower stall at the same time as Cody, their bodies only covered by towels. They bump right into each other and freeze, appalled.
"Did.. did we just bump-"
"No. No we didn't."
Cody's face heats up. "Right, hehe. So… Heather. What's the plan?"
Noah gladly changes the subject, pulling out his phone from his towel. "See this?"
"Uh, yeah, it's your phone. What, do you have more blackmail targeted towards women?" Cody asks.
"Unfortunately not. Whatever this challenge is today, if it's partner based or not, I'm gonna try and isolate her, then try to engage in some sort of dialogue with her for as long as I can. I'm gonna tape her saying something incriminating, then show it to the team."
"Good idea! Then everyone else will hate her guts and vote her out at the next ceremony!" Cody offers a high five to Noah.
"Precisely, my friend." Noah accepts.
"Wow, Noah, I've never seen you smile so much!" DJ exclaims, smiling at the two.
"What are you talking about? I'm a sweet bundle of joy." He wryly replies. Cody snickers.
Harold steps out of the changing station, looking around blindly with his hands waving. "Hey, has anyone seen my glasses?"
Duncan and Geoff chuckle, fist bumping. "Yeah, dude, just take a few steps forward." Geoff lies.
Harold follows his directions before being tripped by the surfer, landing on his stomach. Duncan and Geoff laugh at him while Owen and Trent help him up.
"Gah, idiots!"
(Confessional: Harold)
"Geoff's torturing me now, too? When will it end?! Maybe I can convince Chris to switch teams so I can be a Gopher. Those guys seem really well put together. Plus all the attractive ladies are on that side of the island." He snarls like a tiger. A pathetic tiger.
(Confessional: DJ)
"If there's one thing I don't like about Geoff and Duncan, it's their pranks. They're not funny, and way too mean. Harold don't deserve all that."
(Confessional end)
DJ hands him his glasses. "Here you go, dude. Sorry."
"At least somebody on my team isn't a complete douchebag." Harold says, fixing his glasses.
"Chillax, man, it's just a prank." Geoff replies, hands up.
"That's what they all say, and then the prank is some poor guy like me getting acid poured on him."
"We didn't do all that, but sure, Harold, we're gonna pour acid on you." Duncan rolls his eyes.
Feedback suddenly pierces the ears of the contestants. "Campers, report immediately to the woods near the campfire ceremony. Your challenge is waiting!"
"But what about breakfast?!" Owen exclaims.
"Come on, I'm sure they have something lined up for us." Noah answers, heading out the door.
The girls collectively groan frustratedly amidst the sounds of the showers spraying the floor., complaining about just getting in.
(Confessional: Courtney)
Courtney looks a little messier than usual, her hair still wet. "That Heather girl needs to learn how to respect others' precious time. How am I supposed to walk around like this and seem like I respect myself?"
(Confessional: Bridgette)
"So.. cold…"
(Confessional end)
Standing near the entrance to the woods, the contestants look like a mix of pissed, hungry or, in the ladies three of Heather's alliance, satisfied and ready to play.
"Glad you all could make it on such short notice." Chris states, sipping a cup of joe.
"You did wake us up with a helicopter." Trent replies.
"Good point, hehe. I see some of the girls are still wet."
"Uh, that is not okay for you to imply!" Sadie hisses.
"I think he means our hair, Sadie." Bridgette corrects.
"Oh. Yeah, I guess we are, heh.."
"Nevermind all that. What's our challenge?" Noah asks.
"Glad you asked, Noah! Anybody ever heard of painball?"
"I've heard of paintball." Duncan replies.
"Then you've heard of painball." Chris says.
"What's the difference?" Harold questions.
"One uses armor. The other?" Chris fires a shot into Harold's gut, sending him to the floor. "..Does not!" He laughs, along with Duncan and Geoff. LeShawna sucks her teeth at them, helping the scrawny dork up.
"You good, honey?"
"Better now…" He smiles, standing up like there's no problem.
Chris begins the explanation. "In this challenge, we'll divide each team into two sets of players: LeShawna, Trent, Gwen, Owen, Harold, Geoff and Bridgette, come and claim your guns and visors."
"Guns?!" Bridgette asks.
"Not real guns. They're paintball guns." Chris corrects. Those campers collect their weapons and glasses, putting them on. The Gophers get green guns, while the Bass get red. "These guns are loaded with green and red paintballs respectively. The campers with the paintball guns hold all of the power and are able to eliminate the other side of the challenge: the deer!"
Chris holds up little white tails, red noses and antler hats with a shit eating grin. Duncan, Heather and Noah look mortified.
"No. No way." Duncan protests.
Harold laughs hysterically. Duncan glares at him. "Look who's laughing now, Doecan."
The delinquent easily takes Harold's gun and shoots him in the foot before throwing the gun down on the mark. "OW! Idiot!"
"This is all some sick fetish of yours, isn't it?" Noah questions.
"Mm.. mukbang.." Owen moans.
"What?" Asks Noah.
"I mean uh- Chris, what about breakfast?" Owen asks, blushing.
"Why do hunters hunt, Owen?" The host quizzes.
"For fun?"
"That, and food. By the end of the day, the winning team will be rewarded with a feast of their favorite foods, and immunity."
(Confessional: Owen)
"Oookay, things just got twelve times more interesting.."
(Confessional: Courtney)
Crossing her fingers, "Please let us win this one, pleeease."
(Confessional end)
"What about us deer? How do we get food? I'm like, starved." Lindsay asks.
"Like any omnivore out in the wild. I dunno, improvise." Chris shrugs.
"Actually, deers are master herbivores, not omnivores." Harold corrects.
"One more word out of you, Harold, and I'll use my actual gun to shoot you. Capiche? Anyway, this challenge isn't about food. It's about survival. The goal of the game is for the hunters to eliminate the other team's deer. Whichever team gets all of the deer on the enemy team eliminated first wins immunity and the reward."
"Fine. Maybe I'll actually pull this outfit off in a cute cosplay way." Heather states, slipping on the deer uniform along with the other deer.
"Cos-what?" LeShawna questions.
Heather freezes, realizing she used an internet term. "It's some dork term I picked up on Blickblock." Whew.
"Ooh, Heather, do you follow me?" Sadie asks excitedly. Heather smiles at her.
"Of course! I'm a huge fan of you two."
"That's so fetch!" Sadie enthuses.
"Enough talk. The challenge begins now. Deer, you get a five minute head start. Hunters, begin strategizing." Chris blows an air horn, officially beginning the challenge.
"I dunno about y'all, but I'm outta here." DJ dashes off on his hands and feet, running exactly like a deer. The campers stand in shock.
(Confessional: Owen)
"Looks like I found my prey! DJ'll give this hunter a good challenge, hehehe."
(Confessional: Noah)
"Yeah, I don't really do mobility. Thankfully, in the case of this challenge, I have the high ground against Heather."
(Confessional end)
Running into the woods, the Bass and Gophers completely lose each other after a while. With four minutes left on the clock, Heather starts her scheme. She sizes up Noah and Cody, who are speaking a few feet away in whispers. She grabs Lindsay's arm and whispers into her ear.
"Last challenge, Cody seemed quite enamored by you, no?"
"Is that some kind of cheese?" Lindsay questions, resulting in an eye roll from her leader.
"He's crushing on you, Lindsay."
Lindsay blushes. "Oh! Well, that's cute and all, but I don't really like him like that. Besides, Tyler's waiting for me back home."
"Mhm, mhm. Speaking of Tyler, you broke alliance rules to make out with him, remember?"
"I.. But he wasn't even in the game anymore!"
Heather pinches her cheek. "Doesn't matter. You owe me. So, here's our plan: You team up with Cody, use his crush on you to seduce him into giving up valuable Noah information, and then report back to me after the challenge is over." she let's go of her cheek.
"I have to do it for the whole challenge? Without you?" Lindsay asks, rubbing the pinched area.
"I would have you switch to spying on Gwen and Trent, but they're hunters, so... Yes. Get info out of Cody, and if you can't.." Heather makes a throat cutting gesture, her face serious. Lindsay gasps, her hands over her mouth.
"Okay!" She nods, running towards Noah and Cody.
"... So good luck out there." Noah finishes, a hand on Cody's shoulder.
"You too, man." He fires finger guns at his friend.
Lindsay gets between them. "Hiiii, Cody!"
"Lindsay, what's up?" Noah raises an eyebrow.
(Confessional: Noah)
"Has to be a Heather plan. No way that bimbo would go for a short loser like Cody."
(Confessional end)
"Oh, not much. This challenge sure is wacky, huh?" The blonde twiddles her finger through her hair like a cotton candy machine.
"Uh.. yeah, hehe. I mean, painball? What's next, leechsoft guns?"
Lindsay giggles overdramatically. "You're so funny!"
Cody proudly pumps out his chest. "I've been told."
"Wanna protect me from the scary paintballs? We can do teamsies!"
(Confessional: Cody)
"Me and Lindsay alone in the woods? Booyah! She wants the Codemeister!"
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Sorry, Tyler.. It's not real, I promise!"
(Confessional end)
Rubbing the back of his neck, he answers enthusiastically. "Um, yeah for sure, haha! Lead the way!"
"Um.. could you lead the way? It's so confusing around here." She kneels down to his level, her magical cleavage once again in his vision. He's enamored.
"Of course…" His eyes spin as if he were hypnotized, his entire posture standing on end when Lindsay holds his hand. As they walk away, Noah puts his hand on Cody's shoulder.
"Cody, I dunno about this.." He whispers.
"Hold on, babe, gotta talk to the No-zone." Cody says, letting go of her hand.
"Oookay, but hurry! We don't have a lot of time." Lindsay nervously says, looking back at the treeline where the hunters could come out of any moment.
"Don't call me the 'No-zone'." Noah dryly says.
"What's wrong with me and Lindsay together? Jealous?" Cody grins.
"Ugh, as if. I'm not into blonde's, I like Asian girls." Noah replies with a roll of his eyes.
Cody pauses, looks between him and Heather, and watches as Noah realizes what he's thinking.
"Ew, no! Not that one."
"So, what then? She's no threat. Just a cutie who wants me~" He snarls like a tiger. Noah sighs.
"Look, dude, I'm just a little concerned this is another one of Heather's outlandish plays to mess with our alliance."
"She's never made a play on us before."
"And? She's crafty, like a twelve year old faking a disease to get out of school."
"Look, I just got rejected by the greatest woman I've ever seen, and, on the bright side, another cutie is offering her flower up to me in exchange! Noah, buddy, take a chill pill, focus on your plan to expose Heather and leave that hourglass to Cody." He points at his chest confidently.
"...I don't know. It could be a trick to get you to spill our secrets."
"I won't spill any secrets then! I'm not a screw-up. Look, we're running out of time. If you think the only way I can pull is by being manipulated in some backwards game-"
"It's not that! I'm just… worried? About.. You?" He scratches his neck uncomfortably.
Cody places both hands on his friends shoulders. "It's fine, dude. I promise. I'll make it a point not to say anything incriminatory about you, Owen, the alliance, or your plan to get Heather outed. Okay?"
"...Okay."
Cody practically long jumps back into Lindsay's range, grabbing hold of her hand before walking with her down a path. He turns to Noah, wiggling his eyebrows. "Pray for me, bro!"
"I.. don't do that, but good luck." He waves them goodbye before turning to see Heather watching Cody and Lindsay go behind him. He approaches her, squinting his eyes. It's showtime.
Beep.
"Noah. What a pleasant surprise. You staying to protect me like Cody is Lindsay?" Heather questions.
"Drop the act, Heathen." Noah hisses.
"What act? I'm, like, your friend and stuff!"
"Wow, you're not even trying, are you?"
"I'm not letting you get an inch of dirt on me, Noah. Give you an inch and you take a mile. Same thing happened to Sadie and Katie."
Noah gasps. "How did you know about that?"
"I have my ways. You'll find out soon enough." She winks.
"You're good. Too good."
"You're nowhere near my level, but Cody and Owen? That's two extra alliance members I could have under my belt."
"They're people, Heather. Not weapons."
"You don't think I know that? This is a game, Noah. Of course they're people, but that's only a good thing when votes are one of the most important factor."
"You won't be saying that when the teams merge."
"Quite the contrary. In fact, I think you'll be pretty starved for help by the time you lose all your friends acting like a total jerk."
"I saw the girls' bathroom line. You're not perfect, either." He puts his hands on his hips.
"Maybe not. Either way, we have a challenge to win, which is the most important factor in this game." Heather begins walking away. Noah approaches and grabs her wrist.
"You're coming with me."
"Why? Gonna entrap me? You'll look real innocent in front of our team when I tell them about how you manhandled me."
He let's go. "I'm not manhandling you, god. You're the worst kind of person."
"And those are the kinds of people who excel in life. You think I got this far by being nice?"
"It wouldn't kill you."
Heather tightens her fists and turns around. "Yes, yes it would. Now, I've got places to be, so I bid you farewell. Good luck not getting pelted by paint, dweeb." She waves her hand as she walks away, her cotton tail swaying with every step.
(Confessional: Noah)
"Crap, there goes my plan. But hey, I got some pretty good confessions out of that. Now I just have to keep my phone safe until the next elimination ceremony. Please, Cody, please don't say anything stupid for pussy." He crosses his fingers.
(Confessional end)
Duncan, Courtney and Sadie stop somewhere in the woods, surrounded by big, tall trees and shadows of bushes. "We should split up. The hunters will begin any second now." Courtney says.
"Agreed! But should we keep wandering, or should we hide?" Sadie asks.
"No way I'm staying in one place for two hours, or however long we have here. I'm wandering." Duncan objects.
"And if someone finds you?" Courtney questions.
"I've escaped juvie more times than I can count, babe, don't worry."
"I am not your 'babe.'" She shoves him away, landing him on his ass. His disoriented look vanishes into a cocky smirk.
"Not what you said last night~"
Courtney rolls her eyes. Sadie gasps. "You're impossible. Whatever, if me and Sadie are gonna carry you, then perhaps it's for the best that you get shot first."
He stands up, dusting himself off. "I haven't gotten shot in the five years I've been a criminal, so I wouldn't count on it. Later, ladies." Duncan wanders off, casually and relaxed. Courtney scoffs.
(Confessional: Courtney)
"He is such a neanderthal! What makes him think he could ever possibly have the privilege of calling me pet names? Ugh! It makes my skin crawl and tingle just thinking about it… L-like I said, complete neanderthal." She blushes, hugging herself.
(Confessional: Sadie)
"Back at home, I am a love expert. Those two? They probably think of each other all the time. Hehehe.."
(Confessional end)
"So, should I go with you, then?"
"Yes, for now anyway. Sticking together could prove fruitful. After all, two heads are better than one."
"Totes!" Sadie hugs her, kind of freaking the CIT out.
(Confessional: Courtney)
"I don't really talk to Sadie, but she's a good kid. Y'know, when Katie isn't here."
(Confessional end)
Back with Chris, the hunters orientate themselves and get familiar with their weapons.
"Is it just me, or is there something in the air today?" LeShawna asks nobody in particular.
"Must be something, man. I feel it, too." Trent dreamily says, looking directly at Gwen.
Gwen leans forward. "Yeah? Same here."
(Confessional: LeShawna)
"I feel like I'm missing something here. Did they bone already or what?"
(Confessional end)
"Oh, I feel it, alright."
"You feel it too?" LeShawna asks with a hint of concern.
"Ohhh yeah. The thrill of the hunt, pheromones in the air. Every great hunter has that kind of sense about them. A sense of excitement from just knowing there's game to be taken out."
"Not the kind of pheromones I feel, but I can gel with that! I used to play paintball at my cousin's house every weekend. I'll admit, this is the first challenge I'm actually excited for."
"Thank God, another brilliant mind! You understand, LeShawna. We are primal beasts just looking for a reason to take out something big and hairy."
"Big, huh..?" Gwen slides a finger down Trent's chest, his arms around her waist, and hips grinding against each other.
"That's enough, you two. We got a challenge to win!" LeShawna demands. On the Bass side, Bridgette looks forlorn with having to wield a gun.
"Aw man, I freakin' love paintball! Me and my buds back home play tons of first person shooters, and we have our own paintball maze we retreat out to every other week." Geoff exclaims excitedly.
"Yeah, and I have plenty of experience too, both irl and in video games." Harold gloats.
"Did you just say irl?" Geoff questions. Harold ignores him.
"I'm top of the leaderboard in Splitoon 3, AND I went to Shooty Steve's Non-Offensive Fire-Arm Camp, graduating top of my class!"
"Uh.. okay. Should be the same kind of skill. What's up, Bridge? Not in the spirit?"
Bridgette sighs. "I don't like guns. Any guns. I'm a pacifist!"
"Okay, but you know we're not actually hurting anyone, right?" Harold assures.
"I know, but.. Even the thought of it is making me kinda queasy." She holds her rifle close to her stomach.
"Hey, don't worry. Just pretend everyone out there is a terrorist or whatever, and you'll be golden." Geoff says, putting a hand on her shoulder. It doesn't seem to work.
"Yeah, I dunno.." She turns her cheek. Geoff let's go of her shoulder. Harold steps in front of her.
"Okay, look at it like this: you've led a pretty good life, but like anyone else, you've had your fair share of haters. I should know." Harold gives Geoff a side-eye. Geoff raises his eyebrow. "But you still have mad skills that you're only leaving as wasted potential the longer they lay dormant. Those haters are in these woods right now, and right now, you've got some karma to dish out! They won't die, but it'll sting for sure."
"Huh.. okay. I can work with that." Bridgette smiles, raising her gun with confidence.
"Huh. Nice job, Harold."
"Thanks, Geoff."
(Confessional: Harold)
"I understand girls like Bridgette. They're freedom fighters, like me. I've been observing everyone on my team closely, and determined exactly what kind of response would elicit a good reaction from her. Looks like my hypothesis was correct! Hooray for Harold!"
(Confessional end)
"Campers, your challenge begins in five.. four.. three.. two.. one.."
Brreeeeeeoooow!
Chris fires his airhorn, setting off the campers into the woods. Owen and LeShawna run together down the middle, Gwen and Trent run together to the east, and all three Killer Bass split off into the west side of the woods.
Harold, Bridgette and Geoff stop suddenly. "Okay, we gotta figure out our strategy." Bridgette says.
"I'm thinking we charge and shoot. They'll never see us coming that way!" Geoff suggests.
"Good idea." The other blonde agrees with a smile.
"No. Too messy, too unpredictable. Instead, we'll use stealth to win." Harold explains.
"Stealth? That takes, like, way more time, dude. What if the other team gets to our deer first?" Geoff asks.
"Duncan, Courtney, DJ and Sadie are smart players. They can hold out. But charging in on a deer like that will just alert them to our presence and scare them off. Those things can run as fast as some cars. We'd never catch up."
Bridgette and Geoff look at each other, shrugging. "Okay, so stealth. How would we attack?"
"Simple: we surround them from the trees, and then let 'em have it from all sides." Harold smashes his fist into his palm to emphasize his point.
"That might work better. We should try it." Bridgette says.
"Yeah, I guess you did graduate from shooting camp. Plus, you won us the dodgeball challenge with your strat.. Lead the way, bro." Geoff adds, smiling at him.
(Confessional: Harold)
"I'm finally getting the recognition I deserve! Maybe Duncan will stop bullying me, too. Maybe Courtney will quit undermining me as leader. Perhaps I can even take over her role as leader!"
(Confessional end)
Gwen and Trent charge into the woods, stopping short to examine the surrounding area. Well, Trent does, anyway. Gwen can't get her eyes off his backside.
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Ugh! I know we have a challenge to win, but I can't get that suave, handsome face out of my head. And now, here we are, all alone in the woods, in a challenge where LeShawna and Owen have probably got way more experience than me in, and.. I feel weak." She crosses her legs, biting her bottom lip.
(Confessional: Trent)
"I was determined to get with Gwen, yeah. I still am. But.. we do have a challenge to win. LeShawna is right. I mean, what if we get voted out for.. Fooling around? But, oh man, when are we ever getting this opportunity again?"
(Confessional end)
"No sign of anyone.." Trent says, letting a huff out as he stands up, firearm in his hands. Gwen looks him up and down.
"So.. we're all alone?"
"Yeah.. completely isolated. Just the two of us." There's a tension so thick in the air that not even an ax can chop it down.
Gwen tugs on Trent's sleeve, turning him around to face her. He looks down. "Trent, uh.. There's something I need to say to you." She brushes hair out of her face.
"Oh..? Me too." Their eyes remain locked.
"You go first."
"You sure?"
Gwen nods.
"I.. I think.." He hesitates, their faces inching closer as their arms find themselves around each other. "..This would be better worded as a song."
"But you don't have your guitar." She whispers.
"I always carry something with strings."
He steps back and unveils his jacket pocket, where a ukulele is snugly tucked in. He gestures for her to sit down on a rock nearby while he stands before her, tuning out the instrument, dropping their guns next to each other on the floor.
"This is for you, Gwen." She watches every word fall out of his mouth.
In that moment, the thought of even being in a challenge fades from their minds, the trees dissipating into a black void of stars and space. Trent sits on a log across from her, propping a leg over his thigh as he begins strumming.
Trent: What can I do for you?
What can I do that no one else can do?
What can I do for you?
What can I do for you?
Gwen leans forward, hands under her chin as she smiles warmly.
Gwen~
You are the one.
The one woman
I've searched for in
all of my writing.
I love your hair.
And I love your heart.
I love the way..
You say my name.
Ooh, Gwen, my goth
Soooongg..~
What can I do, for you?
Gwen slowly stands up, her hands over her heart as she feels it skipping beats. To soak in the moment, she takes slow steps forward, his busy hands strumming the strings of his guitar like a conductor strums his hands around the air.
What can I do that no other man can do?
What can I do, for you?
Gwen and Trent: What can I do, for you..?
The strumming stops. Gwen straddles Trent's lap, rubbing herself against his legs as she cups his cheeks, brings him in close and accepts his arms around her skinny waist, their lips crashing into one another. Their protective glasses fall off their faces as their hands go exploring for ways to start removing their shirts.
Cody walks through the woods with Lindsay at a leisurely pace, sweat accumulating on his palms.
"So, Lindsay, see any good movies lately?"
"Um.. well, I really wanna see Barbie. That movie looks like so much fun!"
"Heyyy, a fellow Barbie fan! What do you say you and me get two tickets and see it when it comes out after the show is over?" He slides his arm around her waist, nuzzling up to her. She quickly slides away.
"Oh, well I'd love to! Say, maybe we could invite your friends, Nolan and Omar, too." She plays with her hair as a nervous tick.
He rubs the back of his head, still smiling toothily. "Uh, I was thinking it could be more of a one-on-one type deal. Y'know, since we're both interested in each other?"
"Um.. sure, but your friendship is, like, so cute!"
He raises a brow. "You really think so? I didn't peg you for the type to be interested in guy friendships."
"Are you kidding? I totes am! They're so good for the environment!"
"Uh.. okay. Well, I'd still rather go with just the two of us. How's about I get your number?" He holds his phone out for her to take. She smiles awkwardly, putting her hands up.
"Maybe later, hehe. We don't wanna get ambushed, right?"
"Don't worry, babe, I'll protect you!" He points proudly at his chest, standing in front of her brazenly.
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Oh my gosh, this is so much more different than flirting with guys at the mall for free t-shirts and ice cream.. This is just mean! Especially because Cody isn't really my type.."
(Confessional end)
"You're so sweet.. Is Nolan a sweet friend too?" Lindsay asks, rubbing Cody's shoulders.
"Ooh.. y-you mean Noah? Nah, that guy's about as sweet as salt. W-why?" His voice cracks, his shoulders slumping comfortably.
"He's just always so mean, I thought maybe he'd be different in a more.. intimate relationship." Her breath hits his cheek. He doesn't really want to feel good about how she says that though, turning around.
"Why do you say it like we're married?"
"Well, if you are, I don't judge! I support the BLT community!"
(Confessional: Cody)
He sighs. "I miss you, Gwen."
(Confessional end)
DJ prances around the woods, sniffing a tree before raising his leg. That's when he hears the sound of footsteps rushing toward him. He gets back down on all fours and looks wide eyed at the duo of Owen and LeShawna running towards him with their guns out.
"Our first blood! This deer will soon become delicious venison. Mm, venison."
"Shoot him, Owen!" LeShawna yells, firing at DJ, who dodges her shots. Owen shoots too, and DJ easily dodges those shots before prancing away at breakneck speeds that rival actual deer. "Goddamn, that boy is spiritual!"
"Not for long! Master Hunter LeShawna, find those other Bass, we need to spread out. I'll take care of the elusive one." He squints seriously, speeding off in DJ's direction. LeShawna nods, running in the other direction.
(Confessional: LeShawna)
"Master Hunter LeShawna. Mm, you hear that, Jasmine? That's got one damn fine ring to it, girl. You should start calling me that back home when we play paintball again."
(Confessional end)
In the bushes a few meters away, Duncan hides behind a tree and between a bush, listening to see if the coast is clear. When it is, he stands up, walking out of his hiding spot. As he strolls along the treeline, he looks around the floor until he finds a pretty, sand colored rock. He picks it up.
"Big? Check. Cool lookin? Big check. Carvable? Anything is when you're Duncan Nelson." He smirks, proud of his find, before continuing to walk to the beat of his own drum.
Noah walks around the woods carefully, sneaking around from tree to tree, bush to bush, his senses heightened and his eyes on the ball.
(Confessional: Noah)
"Heather may have escaped me for now. But the chances of her actually making it far after this gets out," He plays a segment of her audio on his phone:
Click.
"You're nowhere near my level, but Cody and Owen? That's two extra alliance members I could have under my belt."
"They're people, Heather. Not weapons."
"You don't think I know that? This is a game, Noah. Of course they're people, but that's only a good thing when votes are one of the most important factor."
Click.
" …Are practically zero. It's not a lot.. But it's enough, I think. Hopefully. Maybe I can find her again by searching through the woods."
(Confessional end)
Sneaking through the woods just across from him is Heather. Both parties have their backs turned to one another and are carefully sneaking around, searching for eyes in the trees or figures in the distance. When they bump into each other, they scream, turning to see who's behind them.
"You!" They both say at the same time, their heart rates returning to normal.
Noah reaches into his pocket, pressing on his phone as sneakily as he can.
"What are you doing sneaking up on me, stalker?" She angrily accuses.
He rolls his eyes. "You wish."
"Well, you scared me half to death. Seriously, what is your problem?"
"The same as yours: I'm trying to win the game."
Heather scoffs. "Have you at least seen any hunters yet?"
"Not one. Which honestly scares me more than anything."
"Whatever. I doubt those losers know anything about handling guns anyway."
"What, and miss popular does?"
She squints her eyes. "Shut it, Noah." She starts walking away.
Noah chases after her, arm outreached. "Wait.. we should stick together now."
She turns to him, one eyebrow raised. "Why?"
"You have the athleticism, I have the brains. Neither of us wanna go home. We shouldn't lose this challenge on purpose. Then we'll both be huge targets."
"Wasn't planning on losing on purpose. Were you?"
"You know what I mean, dude."
"Hm… Fine."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Because you're right about one thing: we are not losing another challenge."
"That's the spirit." He smirks victoriously, just as she thought he would. The two of them jog from the scene.
(Confessional: Heather)
She's covered in paint. "Before anyone says anything, yes, I did know that he was trying to play me. Didn't work out too well, did it?" She smiles confidently.
(Confessional end)
Owen runs through the woods, following DJ, a big gap between hunter and prey.
"The deer knows his place in the wild! That is why he runs so fastly from the hunter! He knows that to the hunter, he is just a prize to be won! A meal to be eaten! A game to be beaten." The big man commentates, already out of breath. DJ prances through a lake, jumping over a rock as Owen continues to fire (and miss) at him. When Owen tries to jump the same rock, he hits himself in the kiwis.
"Oooww…" DJ gets away with ease, losing Owen. He slips onto his back, cradling his coconuts. "The.. the hunt isn't over yet!.. The hunter is simply injured, a-and needs a minute to recuperate! Aw, that smarts!"
Courtney and Sadie hide behind two trees next to each other.
"So.. what's your favorite color?"
"I dunno. Gold?"
"Cute! Mine's pink."
Courtney doesn't respond, already a bit annoyed by Sadie speaking when she's supposed to be hidden.
"Do you have any pets at home?"
Courtney rolls her eyes whilst looking away so Sadie doesn't see her. "Nope. My parents won't let me have one after my ferret died and sent me into a depressive state." She deadpans.
"Oh em gee, that's soooo awful! I'm so sorry!" The chubby girl sympathizes, squeezing her hand.
Courtney recoils her hand away. "Sadie, you have to-"
"I have a chihuahua and Katie has a golden lab. Ooh, can't forget about my hamsters! Here, let me show you." Sadie takes her phone out from between her breasts, but Courtney stops her with a hand over hers.
"Sadie, please. We're going to be heard if you do anything too loud, or speak anymore, so please, just be quiet until the challenge is over." She whispers.
Bashfully, Sadie puts her phone away. "Oh.. you're right. Heh. My mistake. Must be my ADD. Oh, that reminds me! Are you and Duncan, like, a thing?"
She pinches the bridge of her nose. "Oh god.."
"Becauseee, what he said earlier was prettyyyy spicy!~'' Sadie wiggles her eyebrows not too dissimarlarly to how Duncan does. Frustratedly, Courtney stomps her foot.
"Be quiet!"
They both hear the cock of a gun behind them, their eyes widening.
"I see you~" LeShawna whispers menacingly.
"AHHHHH!"
The girls split up, running in opposite directions. LeShawna runs after Sadie, not taking long to shoot her in the butt. She collapses to the ground, holding her cheeks.
"Ow! No, my perfect rear! These pants were really cute too! How am I gonna pull off mossy green?" Sadie whines. LeShawna diverts attention to Courtney, who is still making a mad dash towards the other side of the woods. The proud teen gives chase, not too far behind, firing a round every few steps that Courtney barely manages to dodge or outrun.
"You can run, girl, but you aren't hiding on my watch!"
(Confessional: Courtney)
"Hm. What an overused, and clearly wrong, line. You'd be surprised how easily I can hide myself in confined spaces. It's surprisingly comfortable after a particularly bad day."
(Confessional end)
Courtney does an epic dodge and roll into a big bush, leaves fluttering to the ground from the greenery. LeShawna opens fire on the bush, her ears listening for a yelp of pain or curse of defeat. Courtney crawls away, however, eventually hiding under a different bush only a few feet away.
"Damn, girl, you must have one high pain tolerance. Where did you go?" While LeShawna searches through the bush, looking for a body, Courtney uses this time to crawl-run away, eventually finding a long, empty log to hide her skinny body inside of. Her wide hips make it a tight squeeze near the end, but eventually she's snugly hidden inside.
"Ah.." She pants. "Now.. we play the waiting game." After a few minutes of complete silence, Courtney reaches into her pocket and fishes out a book entitled 'The Notebook.'
(Confessional: Courtney)
"I'm not much of a fiction writer, outside of some known classics, but Bridgette thought I'd enjoy this romance novel, and if I'm gonna be waiting a while, I might as well get some reading in. Besides, we could use more topics to share interest in."
(Confessional end)
Lindsay and Cody continue to walk through the woods, the blonde seeming exhausted from talking and walking for so long. Cody seems spry.
"...And so that's how me and Noah met. Now can we talk about something else?"
"Wait, I'm confused, you guys aren't in a committed partnership or anything?"
"What?! No, I'm not gay!"
"I- I didn't say that! Of course you're not gay, hehe.. Cory, I'm really tired, can we stop walking?"
"Uh, sure. But I'm pretty sure we'll be found if we stop now. Harold is smart and scrappy, Geoff is a total jock and Bridgette is too. It's best we keep moving until we can't anymore."
Lindsay's stomach growls audibly as she sits down on a boulder near the confessional outhouse.
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Ugh! This is hopeless! I've tried asking him if he's in any alliances, if he has beef with Heather, even what kind of underwear Noah wears and if there's any writing on the band, but nothing! He must really really like Noah. I give up. There's no way I can get it out of him without doing something really gross.. Plus I'm really hungry. Ooh, wait a minute.."
(Confessional end)
"What's wrong, babe? Hungry?"
She nods. "Uhuh.. yeah, since we skipped breakfast and all."
"You eat the breakfast here?" He sits down next to her.
"It's good for your skin. That's what Heather told me."
"Not sure if I'd trust Heather.."
The blonde furrows her brows. "Hey, don't talk smack about my BFF!"
Cody stands back up, hands up in defense. "Okay, okay, sorry! Look, is there anything I can do to.. Make ya comfortable?" He says it a little suggestively, planting an idea in Lindsay's ventilation shaft of a brain. She looks down at her stomach.
"Well…"
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"I mean, he started it! He's the one into me, I can't be held responsible for taking avant-garde, right?" She throws a barbecue chip into her mouth, chewing softly, her eyes rolling back. "Plus, barbecue is like, my favorite flavor. So yummers!"
(Confessional: Cody)
He's covered in bandages, gauze pads and sitting in a wheelchair. "Once Lindsay offered up such a sweet reward, I had no choice but to go in for the kill! I don't think it worked though.."
(Confessional end)
"...If you could score me some potato chips from Chef's kitchen.." She starts, telling him to come closer with a flick of her index finger.
He inches closer. "Yeah..?"
"I'd be really comfortable. Maybe even.." She puts a hand on his chest, letting her finger trail down his fastly beating chest. "Kiss on the cheek comfortable?~" She whispers into his ear.
Boingoingoingoing!
Cody jumps up, saluting her. "Aye, aye captain!"
Lindsay smiles, finally a good idea. "Ooh, can I be an admiral instead?"
"Sure, I don't care! Oh, uh, do you have a preference?"
"Hmm… I love barbecue. It's the best!"
"The king of chip flavors?! That's so cool! It's my fave too!" Cody enthuses.
"We can totally share!" Lindsay replies.
"Alright, babe, I'll be back." He grins, shooting her finger guns before running away. Lindsay sighs, pulling out a nail file so she can file her nails.
Geoff, Bridgette and Harold continue to stalk through the woods, using the cover of trees and bushes to their advantage, always close to one another.
"So, you've never played paintball before, like ever?" Geoff asks.
"Never. I was admittedly.. Kind of scared." Bridgette explains.
"'Cause of your hatred of guns, right?"
"Yeah. Well, that and…"
"And what?"
"You're gonna think it's weird."
"No, no, go ahead, I don't judge."
"You mean it? Not even a little? Not even for something super weird?"
"Ha! You shoulda seen what kinda parties I've gone to and attended. You're good, Bridge!" He smiles like Santa Clause. It's too charming.
Bridgette chuckles. "Well.. whenever I hurt someone.. I feel their pain."
"For real?"
She rubs her arm nervously. "Yeah. Like, this one time, in middle school, this mean girl in my class had a problem with me, and pulled on my hair. I have really long hair, so you can imagine what that felt like."
Geoff nods. "Totes."
"So I turned around and punched her right in the face. Mind you, she had been pestering, gossiping about me and torturing me for three years, so this was me at my absolute breaking point."
"You're a patient gal. I woulda punched her after one."
Bridgette snickers. "Equal fights, I guess, heh. Anyway, she tumbles to the ground and starts crying."
"No way!"
"Yeah, way. Her nose is bleeding and she's just snotting all over the place. After a few seconds of watching her, my nose starts hurting like crazy, and my face is all tingly."
"So, like, even though you hated her, you still felt so bad that you felt her pain?"
"Yeah! Most people don't get it that quick. How'd you understand so easily?"
Geoff shrugs. "I kinda have the opposite problem."
"You do?" The three advance, Harold commanding them to do so with sign language as to not interrupt the juicy conversation, or make too much noise.
"Yeah. I think it can actually help you with your situation!"
"Maybe! Sure, go for it."
"Okay! So, I've been to about a million parties in my lifetime, and some of them get really crazy. Some of them get kinda violent.. I don't like those ones too much. This one time, this crazy guy, jacked up on some junk I didn't allow into my dad's place ever, must have been crack or something, starts pummeling my bro Brody. My parties are open invitation and happen all the time, so sometimes homeless dudes and people who don't like me sneak their ways in. The homeless dudes can be pretty chill, but the assholes? They're assholes."
"Uh-huh. So, what did you do?"
"I rushed the guy, pulled him off my bud. The guy pulls out a gun and everyone starts running. I turn to Brody, who's all freaked out, and like, the guy's life must have been flashing across his face, 'cause he didn't move an inch! I had to help my bro. So, I grabbed the gun from the dude, wrestled it. But he ended up firing, and shot me in the hand." He shows off the scar, which has been tattooed over with the letter B.
Bridgette gasps. "That's awful!"
"Chyeah, it is. But the weirdest part was that I didn't feel anything. Not a thing. I guess the adrenaline or something was working overtime. Brody called an ambulance, my dad was really worried, and I didn't throw a party until I got better. It sucked. But I did learn that my pain tolerance is, like, wicked high under high stress."
"What about yesterday when your leg got hurt?"
Geoff smiles. "I was with you. I wasn't under too much stress."
Bridgette smiles back. "Aww.. Well, if I can make you feel comfortable, I'll try to be around more. 'Kay?"
"Heh, yeah.. That'd be sweet."
(Confessional: Geoff)
"Yeeeees! Touch down!"
(Confessional end)
"Guys, up ahead." Harold whispers to his teammates, pointing towards Noah and Heather, both walking together. Geoff leans in to whisper to Bridgette.
"Here's a technique I learned: go with the flow, don't think about how they feel and just have fun for yourself. I know you care about everyone else a lot, but you gotta be selfish on this one, Bridgette. Just let your mind surf along the chillest wave you can imagine."
Bridgette takes a deep breath and visualizes this. "Okay. Okay. I can do this."
"Ready team? Get into positions." Harold orders, hiding behind a tree whilst crouched down. Geoff and Bridgette go around.
Whilst Harold waits for them, Noah and Heather talk.
"So, Noah, you wanna talk about what happened with Katie and Sadie?"
Noah looks down at his phone swiftly before focusing on her. "There's nothing to talk about. Those two weirdos practically shared a brain. Katie was selfish, so she went down. Sadie's.. Sympathetic, so she stayed. Not even my team, so why would I sabotage them?"
"I didn't say anything about sabotaging anyone. So, you sabotaged them?"
Noah folds his arms. "No. I had no reason to."
"Sure you did. You had dirt on Katie and didn't want it to go to waste. Plus, you figure two votes against you during merge would be bad news, so splitting them up is for the best."
He blinks, shocked. "...How do you know all of this?"
"I didn't. You just told me." Heather grins.
(Confessional: Noah)
Covered in paint, he says, "Fuck, fuck, fuck.! That conniving whore really knows how to play the game. Maybe I'm in over my head here? Is it too late to back out and try again next time?"
(Confessional: Heather)
Also covered in paint, she adds, "Noah is a threat. He's the only smart guy left on the team to oppose me. Lindsay's an idiot, LeShawna believes we're friends, Gwen is stuck in fantasy land with her Himbo, Owen is a complete moron and Cody drools at the sight of a woman's armpits. This team is mine once that bottom feeder is dealt with. And he will be dealt with."
(Confessional end)
"You sonuva bitch." Noah insults.
"Calling me a bitch after exposing you? Real low hanging fruit, buddy." Heather taunts.
"How about your dirty tricks, huh? What about throwing Beth under the bus? Beth, who worked her ass off for you, before you decided she wasn't worth the trouble?" He pokes a finger in her face that she easily swipes away.
"Whatever. Beth was a complete waste of space on the team. All she really knew what to do was be carried and perv on Cody. I did us all a favor. Besides, she wanted you gone, too."
"Be that as it may, it still proves your disloyalty. Don't think I won't tell the team about this."
"About what? My selfless act of heroism to save them from a girl who didn't care about them? Go right on ahead."
"No, about the girl who's always fake crying, about the girl who pretends to care while giving everything she says a slimy second meaning, the girl who won't let Lindsay and Tyler date and uses up all the hot water. The girl who-"
Snap!
Heather puts a finger over his lips, her eyes wide. "Wait.. did you hear that?"
"Fire!" Harold shouts as he comes out of the woodworks, followed by Geoff and Bridgette from either side of the duo. Heather thinks fast.
The popping of red fire-arms destroys Noah's ears. Before he can react to anything, he's on the ground, and a slender shadow is cast over him like a poisonous cloud. Heather takes the paint - all of it - all over her body.
"Noah, run!" She screams. Stunned, Noah watches, crawling backwards while watching the whole thing.
"Get him, dudes!" Geoff calls out, firing at Noah, who slips down a slippery, muddy slope just in time, falling onto his stomach. Geoff, Bridgette and Harold will be on him any second, but instead of their voices, all he can hear is his own telling him it's all over.
"Buddy?"
And then it's Owen's. His best friend, probably ever. His social life has consisted of nothing but using people like stepping stones, or partnering with slimeball degenerate preps to climb higher the social ladder. He's never grown so attached to a human being that wasn't in his family - aside from maybe Cody.
"O-Owen..?"
Geoff points down at them. "Get him!" The bass begin running down the slow carefully.
"Don't worry, little buddy! This skilled hunter will protect his defenseless mutt!" Owen proudly states, standing bravely in front of Noah.
"Mutt? Seriously?" Noah questions.
Owen aims at the trio. "Stay back, boy! I've got you covered- ah! Ah! Hey! That hurts! Ow!" A hailstorm of paint pellets decorate Owen's chest with red, his mammoth body falling into the mud too. Harold, Geoff and Bridgette surround Noah.
"Any last words, Noah?" Harold asks.
"Just get it over with, you cheesy dork." Noah says. They open fire, dousing him in paint. He shrugs off the fluids coating his clothes and hair, scowling. "Yuck.. I need to take a shower."
The rustling of bushes prompts Owen to stand up. The Bass celebrate, high fiving each other while Owen runs towards the source of the sound.
(Confessional: Bridgette)
"Wow. I don't know that Heather girl too well, but from what I've seen, I never would have expected her to pull something like that. Remember guys, looks can be deceiving. Just because someone seems like a popular chick and is pretty doesn't mean they're conceited or bitchy. Some of them are, but not all of them."
Chris cuts in through the megaphone.
"Uh, Bridgette, enough soap boxing, please? Thanks!"
Bridgette raises a brow at the camera.
(Confessional end)
"Where to next?" Bridgette asks Harold.
"Towards the mess hall. I don't doubt someone's gotten hungry from a lack of breakfast by now." Harold orders, pointing in the direction of the mess hall with a confident smile.
"Good thinking, Harold! Let's party on!" Geoff praises, following Harold's lead with a brisk jog.
Whilst sniffing around, Owen finds DJ, eating grass on his hands and feet again. Hiding behind a tree, he looks at him once before taking cover.
Then again. Still, he eats grass. He whispers, "The mindless beast is too docile to hurt human beings, but far too cowardly to stick around when they show up. The Balsamic Bagger watches his prey eagerly, waiting for the next chance to strike." Owen peaks his head out again, only to see DJ staring right at him, his face inches away from his own. Owen smiles innocently as DJ takes his gun and throws it across the woods before the 'deer' prances away.
"No! My weapon! You foul beast! You'll be taken down by the primal urges of a superior man! Woooooooooowooooo!" Owen claims his gun as he screams like a maniac, chasing after DJ's direction. Duncan watches from a bush, rolling out of it before walking away, continuing to shave down the rock he collected earlier into a little carving of a skull in the shape of his own.
(Confessional: Duncan)
"Back at home, my dad's a real stickler about the no cutting thing. I used to carve into my walls, write and sketch on 'em sometimes, he got pissed. So I started using spray paint instead." Duncan snorts, his antlers hitting the wall. He glares at the accessory on his head. "Can I take this stupid thing off now?"
Chris cuts in again, "By the way, if anybody tries to take their deer or hunter attire off, they're eliminated automatically from the challenge! Duncan."
"Great." He rolls his eyes.
(Confessional end)
1 hour later
Owen, still chasing DJ, is going at a snail's pace. The two of them are scaling the one thousand foot high cliff, with DJ waiting at the top with a confident gloat. Owen exhaustedly climbs, covered in dirt and paint, his gun dragging along the floor.
"Ah.. the proud, brave hunter.. Scales an entire mountain just to finish the chase.. The thrill of the hunt motivates him to.. Skin and cook his prey.. Because this hunter has gone far too long without eating, and is getting pretty pissed off! So if the deer could just roll over and give up, t-that would be.. Incredible."
DJ stands up fully, arms folded with an eyebrow raised. Owen looks up at him and takes aim, prompting DJ to dash back before the paint can hit him. As he runs, he sees the full drop ahead of him and grinds to a halt, his breathing hitching.
"Okay.. okay.. I'm better than this, I am better than this, I know it!" He tells himself, looking down at the drop with sweat drizzling down his temples. Owen finally arrives to the top of the cliff and takes aim.
"You're finished, DJ! Don't jump, man!"
DJ looks back and forth between Owen and the cliff, smacking himself across the face before running and jumping off the cliff. "NO!" Owen yells, firing, only to have nothing come out. He falls to his knees and cries out hopelessly. "I'm so hungry!"
"AHHHHHHH! N-no! Stay calm! You'll be okay. Just.. stick the landing!" DJ tells himself on his way down, smacking himself across the face one more time before bracing for impact, taking cannonball form. His fall splashes water ten feet above the shore. He eventually opens his eyes and swims back, collapsing on his stomach as he catches his breath.
(Confessional: DJ)
"Momma, did you see me?! I completely conquered my fear of water! I can go back to the public pool without feeling scared! I hope you're proud! And to Lamar and Franklin, who I hope are watching… who's the wedgie boy now?" He smirks proudly.
(Confessional end)
Standing back up after a few minutes, DJ closes his eyes and whistles to himself, finally at peace. That's when he feels himself get hit in the back by something colorful and wet, not to mention painful.
"Ow! What the? Owen?" He turns around, rubbing his back only to see LeShawna blow imaginary smoke from her gun.
"I watched that whole thing transpire. You gave Owen a good run, brother, but you ain't getting away from the Master Hunter." She swings the gun over her shoulder.
"Damn. Good game." He holds his hand out, which she gladly takes and shakes. "Who's left?"
"I took out Sadie and now you. But I haven't seen Duncan yet. And Courtney somehow got away from me. I searched this whole damn forest for that girl."
"And on your team?"
"No idea. I hope everyone's still okay though. I ain't got time to chit-chat, though, so I'll catch you later." She starts walking away.
"Good luck! Wait, but actually, nevermind!" DJ calls, the proud woman shaking her head with a laugh.
(Confessional: LeShawna)
"The world needs more good sports like DJ. If anybody wins this crazy game, I hope it comes down to the two of us."
(Confessional end)
Cody stealthily sneaks around camp, finally arriving at the mess hall. He looks around for any signs of the Killer Bass, and twice for Chef or Chris.
If anybody goes into my kitchen after dark or without my permission, I'll send you into a world of pain!
Chef's words echo through his head. It was after Owen snuck into the mess hall after dark that Chef woke everyone up and gave them a big lecture about his kitchen. At the moment, Cody didn't care, and was barely interested. Now, it seemed like words plucked straight from the Bible. Not that he was religious.
Slowly, he opens the shortest window to the mess hall, climbing inside before crouching to the floor. He looks around, hearing the sound of whistling, followed by the sound of large, bare feet against the hardwood floor. Cody hides under the Gopher's table, watching as Chef, wearing a duck floatie and a snorkel, walks out of the kitchen, a bag of pork rinds and a towel in his hands. Just as Cody thinks Chef is about to leave…
Sniff. Sniff, Sniff.
Every ion in Cody's body freezes, his muscles contracting so that he's unable to move, his breathing as quiet and shallow as a pond in the woods. After a few seconds of waiting, Chef shrugs and leaves through the front door. When the netted door closes, Cody jumps up and runs into the kitchen as quietly as he can, heading past the fence door and into the back. He takes a whiff of the air.
"Ew! Is that dinner?" He swings his neck around and sees something cooking on the stove. Something, whatever it is, some kind of meat with eyeballs lodged into it, makes Cody gag before he searches the cupboards for chips.
"Let's see.. Owen was caught stealing a big bag of pretzels.. There's gotta be some kind of Lays product in here.. Some kind of Lays product that can get me laid, hehe. Noah's gonna be so psyched." He chuckles at his own joke. The next cupboard he opens is a double doored pantry closet, one that houses a rack full of tasty, savory, salty snacks. Cody's eyes light up.
"Score! Come to the Codemeister, babes." He grabs a bag of barbecue chips, and for good measure, a bag of honey glazed pretzels. When he closes the pantry door and turns around, he sees Chef, wielding a paintball gun with the color red embedded on it.
"OH god! C-Chef! What's up, man? H-hey, I know I'm stealing from you, but.. Help a player out! I have the hottest girl on the island waiting for me to feed her, and if I do, she might let me feel her up!"
"Who.. Noah?" He cocks the gun. Cody chuckles nervously.
"I'm.. gonna start running now."
"I'll give you a five second head start." Chef growls. Cody yelps, sprinting out the door with two noodle legs that can barely carry him across the gym during the beep test.
Chef comes out of the kitchen shortly after, firing all he can at Cody. Luckily for Cody, the worst that happens is that a pellet grazes the bag of chips and spills half its contents onto the floor. That's when Cody realizes he's not firing a paintball gun. That's a BB gun. He runs even faster, wailing for his life.
"And never try that shit again, you hear me?!" Chef screeches, firing a few more warning shots into the woods. Cody doesn't reply, speeding out of there.
(Confessional: Cody)
"So.. not worth it.."
(Confessional end)
Finally able to catch his breath, Cody throws the bag of barbecue to the side, all of the chips gone from the bag. He spits out some of the phlegm lodged in his throat before throwing up completely, both from the fear and the ten minute run he just committed to. Once he's done heaving, he sits down, wipes his mouth and opens the bag of pretzels.
"Gotta get this taste out of my mouth.. Or else Lindsay's gonna never kiss me." He says, disoriented. He chews on one of the salty snacks and moans at how good it tastes. "Ah.. that's so refreshing."
Grr…
Cody's eyes widen, his neck slowly turning until he faces the growling beast behind him. A bear roars at him, covering him in saliva, before sniffing the bag of pretzels.
"Please, please find it within your heart to let a poor virgin score!"
ROOOOAAAARR!
Cody's screams can be heard by Lindsay.
"Cody..? O-oh no, he must be in trouble!" She stands up worriedly, only to be surrounded by three Killer Bass.
"Uh oh.."
"Fire!" Geoff hollers, all three paintball guns going off. Bridgette takes extra pleasure in dousing Lindsay's clothes in red, laughing it up with Geoff. Harold remains vigilantly serious, but proud of his teammates nonetheless.
"This outfit is one of my favorites.. It's totally ruined now!" She whines, pouting her lip.
"All we did was make it more patriotic to the right team. Now, where's Cody?" Harold questions, pointing his gun around to shoot the little dork.
"AHHHHH! Somebody help me!" His screams alert everyone to the direction he's in.
"We have to save him! I think he's being attacked by something wild!" Lindsay explains frantically.
"Well, we can't just let him die! Let's go, guys!" Bridgette commands, running in that direction blindly. Geoff sticks right behind her, and Harold and Lindsay aren't far behind.
(Confessional: Courtney)
"I can't believe how well written this thing is. The themes of forbidden love and social segregation are so well reflected and mature, even for a sappy romance. It's been an hour now and I just finished the first few chapters, but I can't wait to finish the rest. Good call, Bridge, seriously."
(Confessional end)
Courtney slowly squirms out of the log she's been hiding in, checking for any lurking Gophers before standing up fully, wiping herself clean of any dirt, dust or bugs. Walking a few more steps away, she starts hearing the sound of scratching. Startled, she hunches down, thinking it's a wild animal. When she takes a look at the noise, she's proven correct.
Revealing herself, she scoffs. "Duncan. You scared me!"
He replies casually, carving a quote into a tree. "I get that one a lot." He says with an iconic smirk.
"What are you doing out in the open like this?" She asks.
"Surviving. Where's Tweedledum?" He stands in front of his art, tossing his skull ornament up and down. Courtney watches it with intrigue.
"She got shot by LeShawna. I escaped."
"You left her behind? That's cold, bruh." He chimes sarcastically.
She furrows her eyebrows. "I am not your 'bruh.' And no, I didn't. I have more honor than that. We were split up. I've been hiding since then."
"Looks like it worked out for you. Whatcha reading?" He reaches for the book in her pocket, but she stumbles back, clutching it to her pant leg.
"Why do you care?" She deflects defensively.
"I guess I don't." He rolls his eyes, folding his arms before leaning against the tree he carved on.
Curiously, Courtney asks him the same question. "What are you carving?"
"None of your business."
Remembering some jargon from the book, she eases her grip on her book. "Duncan, I'm not some evil tyrant, okay? Believe it or not, I can be really nice when I want to be. Sure, I'm.. defensive of my own stuff, at times. But if you want me to open up, you have to open up, too."
"You want to be nice to me. Right now?" He questions suspiciously.
"Sure. I'll tell you what I've been reading, if you tell me what you're doing." For once in his life, Duncan relaxes his shoulders and steps aside, gesturing to the artwork.
"By all means, check it out. It's not done yet though, so don't think this is my best work."
Courtney stares at the art for a long time, her hands on her hips and her mind wandering. She approaches the piece, trailing her hand along the indentations.
"Told ya, not my best work." Duncan mutters with a shrug, his arms crossed over his chest.
Courtney slowly shakes her head. "It's good. Really good. I mean, you spent a lot of time in woodworking, clearly."
"I dabbled in shop, sure." He shrugs.
"Dabbled? Duncan, this is seriously impressive." She laughs, tracing over it.
"..Thank you." He proudly takes the compliment, loosening his body to approach her, their bodies inches apart. "So, what are you reading? The history of Canada or something?"
"It's The Notebook. Bridgette lended it to me so we could talk about it."
"You read romance?" He raises his brow skeptically, finding it almost humorous.
"Not until today. And so what if I do?"
"You just don't really seem the type, is all."
"I wasn't.. But it's actually really good."
He looks at her, their faces really close to each other. "What's it about?"
"This rich girl who falls in love with this lose-.. low income boy. It's really sweet. It challenged my views of societal hierarchies, if you must know."
"Sounds boring." He mocks, smiling.
"You are such an ape." She rolls her eyes, not taking him seriously.
"Yeah, but I'm a good sculptor, at least. And I paid close attention in shop." He says with a smirk. Courtney doesn't look at him, focusing instead on the words he's written.
"What's that mean?"
"What's what mean?" He looks where she's looking.
"The words on the tree." She answers.
Duncan searches for a simplified answer in his head. "Oh. Uh… I guess it just means I rebel."
"Against your family?" She says this like he's crazy.
"Especially against my family."
"But what about your standing? Your future? Won't you drive them off if you're never around them?"
"Look, I'm happy to be your psychoanalysis pet and all, but please, let's not talk about this. Especially not in front of the cameras." He looks directly at one.
"Maybe you're right. I should go back to hiding anyways. This stupid game should be almost over by now."
"Hopefully. Catch ya at the finish line."
Crick!
The pair of opposites stop in their tracks, their bodies unable to move apart. They look up and see their antlers are entwined - stuck together.
"Ugh! Very funny.. Now let me go."
"Hey, this isn't really my idea of fun, either."
"Great. Now what?"
"...Wanna make-out?"
"What?! No way!"
"Worth a shot."
(Confessional: Courtney)
"Tch, worth a shot?! As if I'd ever waste my first kiss on some dirty criminal."
(Confessional: Duncan)
"Preppy chicks are always the toughest to get with, and always the funnest to mess with."
(Confessional end)
Bridgette, Geoff, Lindsay and Harold rush to Cody's aid, stumbling upon his flailing body as blood gushes and his screams echo, a giant bear tearing into his flesh. Bridgette rushes in and fires at the bear, shooting its stomach and face to disorientate it. "Get off of him! Bad bear, bad!"
"Holy shit…" Geoff mutters, looking down at Cody's scratched up face and body. A long scratch going along his face and wounding his eye is particularly ghastly. Bridgette scares him off, putting her hands above her head to make herself seem big and scary, yelling as loudly as she can. The bear growls at them, just as bloodthirsty as it was when it found Cody, until Bridgette shoots him in the balls. The bear whimpers, running away. The campers crowd around Cody, checking on his mangled state.
"Cody, dude, are you okay?" Harold asks, concerned.
"Ah…! Ah..! Gwen, Lindsay, Heather, don't look! Ladies, back up!" He covers his face hurriedly, blood streaming down his hand.
"I think that's a no." Lindsay says.
"I'll go get help!" Bridgette states, running away.
"I'll come too." Geoff adds, following her. Harold and Lindsay stare at each other, then down at the groaning, trembling Codester.
"Well… uh.. Gosh, dude, I'm so sorry." Harold awkwardly scratches the back of his neck.
Cody looks up with one eye. "Nobody saw, r-right?"
"Uh.. We kinda did."
"Oh…. I must be disgusting now." Cody whimpers.
"Only now?" Lindsay asks, a freudian slip. "I-I mean-"
"Aww…." He groans.
"Cody, I hate to put you through any more torment, but… somebody has to win this challenge." Harold loads the paintball, aiming down at the shrimp.
Cody sighs. "...Just do it already."
Bang!
"OOOwwwwww!" Cody howls, paint covering his stomach. Chef rushes to Cody with Geoff and Bridgette in tow, hoisting up Cody over his shoulder.
"Clear the way, stat!" The cook barks, running back to the infirmary. Geoff and Bridgette watch them go.
"Dang.. Poor Cody." The party dude says.
"Yeah. Those wounds were nasty. He might not be able to compete for the Gophers in his condition." Bridgette adds.
"I feel so bad! He only got hurt because I told him to get me these." Lindsay shows them the bag of pretzels Cody nearly died for, before looking down and realizing something. "Wait, these aren't barbecue.. Oh come on!"
An air horn goes off over the loudspeaker, followed by Chris' voice, hurting the contestant's ears. "The Killer Bass win again!"
Geoff, Bridgette and Harold cheer, high fiving one another.
"Everyone who was harmed during this challenge, please report to the infirmary before we have to remove a limb. Everyone else, hit the showers."
Gwen wakes up at the sound of the airhorn, half naked and wrapped protectively around Trent's bare arms. Her bottom sits on his lap, with him still inside of her. She stirs, turning with a smile at him. "Morning, babe." Trent greets. She kisses him on the lips, leaving her blue lipstick on his mouth.
"Afternoon, you mean?" Gwen questions.
"Something like that. I haven't paid much attention. Been too focused on thinking about you." Trent replies suavely. Gwen smiles wider, holding his cheek as she grinds her hips against his.
"Is the challenge over yet?"
"Yeah. We lost, apparently."
"Mm.. you're not worried we'll be voted off?"
"I don't care too much if we do. I have you now. That's all I care about. We are a thing now, right?"
Gwen thinks about it for a moment before nodding. "I'd like that if you'd like that."
"Sweet. I really like you, Gwen."
"I really like you too, Trent." They look into each other's eyes for a moment longer. Trent breaks the silence by shifting in place, helping Gwen up off him.
"We should probably get back to camp." Gwen agrees, and the two of them quickly get dressed before picking up their guns and running back home.
The Gophers and Bass stand outside of the infirmary tent anxiously, holding out hope for Cody. Gwen, Trent, Duncan and Courtney are still missing, but everyone else is here. Noah paces back and forth while Heather leans into Lindsay's ear and whispers.
"I never knew you had it in you."
"Huh? Had what in me?"
"The strategic immorality, I mean. That was a cold play that may have just saved us both."
"Um, I'm confused."
"Getting Cody mauled by a bear practically destroys Noah's little alliance, especially with what I have planned for later. Now, he's an emotional wreck, and Cody probably can't compete anymore. I assume he was a hard nut to crack?"
"Heather, I- I didn't mean to do any of this! Honest"
"Sure you didn't, sweetie." She winks, grinning proudly before walking away. "Keep up the good work." Lindsay looks ashamed.
(Confessional: Heather)
"I seriously had no idea Lindsay could be so cruel, but I'm pleasantly surprised. Maybe she's more worthwhile than I initially thought."
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"I swear, I swear I never meant for Cory to get hurt- er, Cody! He's weird and pushy, but he's not a bad guy, and I'd never get anyone hurt on purpose! Would.. Would Heather? No, that's awful! She'd never do that. She's my BFF. Have to stay strong for her."
(Confessional end)
"What have we done, Owen? What have I done?" Noah vents, continuing to walk back and forth.
"It's not your fault! Cody wanted to go his own path. Plus, we all get hungry. It's nobody's fault!" Owen explains.
He puts his hands over his face. "Oh my god.. I've never felt so guilty in my life."
Owen looks back and forth, searching for a way to change the subject. "Did you um.. Get the confession?"
"Ah, something like that. Thanks for reminding me, my heads been aching like crazy. I left my phone in my cabin, so I'll just go grab that and get to work editing it."
"Stay strong, little buddy!" He waves frantically.
Trent and Gwen arrive at the infirmary tent after noticing that Chris was there, the lipstick smear still clear across Trent's lips.
"Nice of you two to finally join us." LeShawna comments.
"Sorry, we were hunting, searching, splitting hairs.." Trent lies.
"And we found nothing." Gwen finishes.
"Looks like Trent found something, at least." LeShawna says, giving them a side-eye.
"I did?"
LeShawna smirks. "Yeah, the G-spot."
"Pfft, got me there." Trent replies, putting his hands up. Gwen gasps.
"Oh crap, the lipstick. Ah well, caught us red handed."
"So, you two are a thing?"
Trent nods. "Yeah. Sorry we didn't tell you before."
"That's cool. What's not cool is sitting out the challenge just to fuck around. You cost us the game. I'm sorry, y'all, but I might have to vote you out."
Their faces fall. "LeShawna, come on, you can't mean that!" Gwen replies.
"Sorry, girl. I'm in this competition to win some cash. Today, while I was working my booty off, you jeopardized that." LeShawna furrows her brows, a bit frustrated.
"Can't we vote someone else off? Someone you don't like? We're your friends, LeShawna, don't let money ruin that." Trent suggests, a hand on his friend's shoulder.
LeShawna folds her arms, looking around at the other Gophers before sighing. "...Alright, alright. Heather's been getting in my ear about that Noah guy. He's bad mouthing the whole camp, and plotting to get me and her voted off. He even talked trash about you, girl."
"Deal." Gwen says, holding her hand out for LeShawna to shake without hesitation, Trent nodding in agreement. LeShawna accepts, smiling.
"Good to have y'all back."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Wait.. since when do LeShawna and Heather hang out? Maybe I have been a bad friend lately. Is it Trent's fault, or mine? Ugh, relationships are hard. I'll figure it out on my own, as usual.
(Confessional end)
Duncan and Courtney finally arrive, their antlers intertwined and both of them struggling with every step. Duncan's back faces them, while Courtney faces them regularly.
Gwen looks over LeShawna's shoulder. All eyes are on them. "Oh, this is too much."
Owen giggles. "Duncan, you sly dog, you!"
"Girl can't keep her antlers off'a me." He boasts, that smirk taunting the CIT for the last time. She winds up her leg and kicks him in the balls, his eyes watering and his smirk dissipating instantly as he crosses his legs. "Can't even bend over…"
Harold and Sadie laugh at his pain, causing further humiliation on Duncan's part. "Nerdlings.. So dead.. Once I'm out of this."
Geoff chuckles, approaching with DJ to help them out. "Okay, big boy, let's get you out of this."
The friends manage to get them unstuck. Duncan immediately tosses his antlers and nose off, but Courtney takes a little longer to do so, not wanting to seem improper. "You okay, Courtney?" DJ asks.
"Fine enough. Thank you, DJ." She brushes herself off, softly smiling at the sweet man. Bridgette comes up to her friend.
"Well, two in a row. So far so good, eh?" The surfer girl asks.
"You guys did great, as always. Thank you for winning for us." Courtney replies.
"You hid well, too, even with a bigger, slower target to worry about."
"Heh, that was all him."
"So, did you read the book?"
"Partially, yeah, I really liked it!"
"That's great!" Just as Bridgette opens her mouth to speak again, Chris comes out of the infirmary, taking off some disposable gloves. "We can talk about it at dinner. Okay?"
Courtney nods excitedly before focusing on Chris along with the others.
"Is Cory going to be okay?" Lindsay questions, most concerned of all present.
"Cody is going to be fine! But, uh, here's the deal: he lost vision in his left eye, and has to wear an eyepatch until it comes back." Everyone gasps. "Yeah, pretty messed up, huh? Anyway, Chef's still working on getting him seaworthy, so we're gonna see what we can do."
"Poor Cody.." Gwen mutters, visibly upset.
"That guy's tough. He doesn't look it, but I'm sure he'll pull through." Trent reassures, coddling Gwen with a hug. She falls deep into it.
"Wait, so if Chef's working on Cody, what about dinner?"
"We have an intern who used to work at McDonald's working the kitchen. Hope you Gopher's like Big Macs. As for the Bass, your food was prepared beforehand and is being kept warm by heat lamps. If you will, follow me to your reward!"
The Killer Bass cheer excitedly, aside from Duncan who's barely able to squeak out a 'yes!', holding his balls before he collapses to the floor. The Gophers squint their eyes in frustration before heading towards the mess hall. "I'm not complaining, Big Mac's are delicious!" Owen chuckles.
Meanwhile, in the tent, Cody slowly opens his eyes, only one being free to look around. He spots Chef in a traditional white nurses outfit, his body hooked up to too many tubes and machines to react in more than just a question. "Wmat Hpraned?"
"Don't speak, we got you on oxygen. You went into shock after that bear attack, twink boy."
"Mhoo… Need Gwuhn.. Need Gwuhn.."
"Sorry, can't understand ya. Unless you wanna do mouth to mouth with your good old buddy Chef, you'll shut yo darn trap and breath. Understood?" Cody lets a single tear stream down his cheek, nodding.
"Omar, where are you going?" Lindsay asks when Owen starts diverting from the path to the mess hall.
"Oh, checking up on Noah. Between you and me, he's a liiiitle too skinny to be missing anymore hearty meals."
"He shouldn't be getting a meal if you ask me." LeShawna mutters under her breath. Heather passes by Owen just as he turns back to the cabins, her hands in her pockets.
"Hey, Owen." She greets quickly, walking with the Gophers. "Hey, gang! How's it going?"
(Confessional: Owen)
"Look, I know Noah's a smart guy, but how could a gal as friendly as Heather be evil? I trust my little buddy, but I feel like he's got some kind of vendetta against her or something."
(Confessional end)
Owen continues walking, finding the male Gopher's cabin door wide open and the sounds of monotone, panicked mumbling coming from it. "Noah? You in there? Supper's on, you can't miss it! It's burgers!"
"Where is it, where is it, where is it?! No, no, no, no!" Noah exclaims, uncharacteristically nervous, his hands throwing all of his bedsheets, pillow and suitcase contents on the floor just to see if he misplaced whatever he's looking for.
Owen walks inside and goes wide eyed, a hand over his mouth. "What's wrong, buddy?"
Noah rushes up to Owen, grabbing him by the collar. "My phone! Do you have my phone?!"
"What? No! Why would I?"
Noah let's go of him, pacing back and forth. "I left it in here to charge under the bed, I used my camouflage port so nobody would ask to use mine, and both my phone and charger are completely missing! If you didn't take it… She took it, Owen! All of my evidence, all of my hard work, it's- it's gone! I can't access it!"
"Calm down, buddy! W-we can still get it back!" Owen assures, looking down at Noah worriedly.
"Where is she, then? I tried knocking on the door, no answer!"
"She's uh.. With the team, in the mess hall."
Noah feels a sharp pain in his stomach. He sits down on his now sheetless bed, staring off into space. "She's fucking me as we speak. I'm doomed."
"Hey, w-we don't know that for sure! Maybe you really did lose your phone! Maybe Heather doesn't have it at all." Owen sits down next to him, placing a supportive hand on his shoulder.
"It doesn't matter. I have no evidence now. Whether she stole it or not, it's missing. And she did steal it. Phone's don't just get up and walk away, dumbass!" He shoves Owen, it doesn't do much.
"Hey, this isn't my fault!" Owen argues, furrowing his brows at him.
Noah stands up, sighing. "We need to go and defend ourselves."
"Ourselves..? Buddy, I didn't really do anything."
Noah snaps, turning around, a manic look in his eyes. "I know! I know, okay? Just help me, Owen, for god's sake, please have my back when we get down there, because I know for a fact that that bitch is down there spreading her gospel to get ME eliminated tonight. Our alliance will crumble, and I'll be out of the game.. Please help me."
Owen nods, a little reluctant but still on his friend's side. "Okay.. I will."
"Thank you. Let's go, hurry!" Noah runs out the door.
"Aw, man, I hope I still have an appetite when I get there.." Owen follows suit.
The mess hall door busts open, The Screaming Gophers look up from their table. Heather almost lets a smirk line her face before she gets into acting mode.
"Nice of you to finally join us, Noah." She says, trying to sound serious.
"What have you told them?" Noah hisses, walking up to the table, one foot on the bench
"Oh, she told us enough. That you've been talking behind our backs, calling me loud and obnoxious, what's that about, huh?" LeShawna questions, leaning forward.
"What? I never said-"
He's cut off by Trent. "Or that my music sucks and my hair is greasy? Only one of those is true, and it's definitely not that my music sucks. You're a total hater, dude."
"Or that you called me dumb! How could you say that? And behind my back, too?" Lindsay folds her arms.
"Woah, Noah would never call you any of that!" Owen says, trying to defend his buddy.
"Owen, I'm so, so sorry for you. He didn't spare you from torment, either." Heather replies, shaking her head with a frown.
"What are you talking about? Noah would never!"
Noah shakes his head. "Let's talk about you now, Heather, why don't we?"
"Nothing to talk about." She looks away, her nose raised.
"What about Beth? Or Justin?" Noah says.
Heather looks at the jury. "Justin made a mistake insulting my friend Cody. Everyone knows that. Speaking of which, isn't Cody your best friend? Why aren't you visiting him right now" She points at him accusatively.
"Because I knew you'd be here, slandering me just like you did Beth and Justin because you know I'm a threat." Noah answers.
"They were bullies. Or, at least Beth was. We forgave Justin. We'll forgive Beth too, someday. But she insulted us in the same way you do now, and she barely helped in challenges too."
"So what, you're telling me two contestants are insulting other people behind their backs and you're the only one who knows about it? That doesn't seem weird to any of you?" The Gophers exchange looks of skepticism.
"Please, we all saw Beth shoot herself in the foot. She was never subtle about her weirdness for people like Cody. I figured you'd have more compassion, considering you're such close friends."
"I did. That's why we voted her off." Noah replies.
"So, you're a hypocrite too, huh?" Heather questions. He scoffs.
"She wasn't a part of my alliance, like Lindsay and Beth are." A proud grin displays on his face. She nearly gasps.
"Wait, you, Lindsay and Beth were in an alliance?" Gwen asks, cornering Heather.
(Confessional: Heather)
"Oh, he is gone!"
(Confessional end)
"We… we were."
"Lindsay, is that true?" Trent questions.
"Um.. yes. But we cut Beth out because… because she was.. Dragging the team down. And because she was hurting you guys, a-and you didn't even know it! That's why. We only have what's best for you in mind."
"But you two are still teamed up, aren't you?"
"In the same way you, Trent and Cody are because you're friends, yes. Me and Lindsay are best friends, so we vote together."
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"Okay, I've had girls call me their bestie before, but hearing it from Heather just felt sooo yummy. I think this friendship is really gonna last forever. I'm so happy!"
(Confessional end)
"Wish you woulda told me.."
"I'm so sorry, LeShawna, but I had to keep our relationship safe so we wouldn't be picked off by Noah. Clearly, he found out, though."
"There's more. You stole my phone."
"Um, I'm not some weirdo who goes around stealing people's stuff, especially not in the smelly boys' cabin. A girl like me doesn't belong there. You probably just lost it while hyper analyzing me instead of focusing on the challenge."
"I was focused on the challenge! You were the one who said people are an important factor in voting."
"So what? They are, everyone here agrees with that basic law of reality shows. Anyway, I saw you recording me, Noah. And what did I do, even when I knew you were playing me? I teamed up with you, and sacrificed myself for your safety, an opportunity you quickly fumbled, may I add."
"You saved him, even despite all that?" LeShawna questions. Heather nods. "Girl, you're a saint. I woulda let him get doused."
Noah growls. "I-"
"And.. honestly.." Heather holds her face, looking down as she begins sniffling. "It's really hurting me, the way you want to hurt me so bad, after everything I've done. I mean, come on, Noah, doesn't the team mean anything to you?" She starts 'sobbing', sitting down. LeShawna and Lindsay comfort her, rubbing her back.
"She's- I mean those are obviously fake tears, a-and I-"
Owen rushes in to defend, standing beside him. "Noah isn't a bad guy! He's my friend! He accepted me when I came out as bi, he helped me come to terms with my rocky family situation, and he's always there to make me laugh and feel comfortable! Heather's a good person too, but Noah is a great guy once you get past the sarcasm. I can say whole heartedly that I don't believe he'd talk behind your backs. He talks to me the most anyway, I would know, right?"
"Oh, Owen.. you don't even know about the reason he's friends with-.." She gasps. "..I've said too much."
Owen blinks. "What? Know about what?"
"He never came clean..? Oh, Noah, you're so cruel!"
"Does anybody actually buy this sad girl act? It's straight out of Mean Girls!" Noah argues.
"Owen.. look at me." Heather prompts, turning to face him.
He reluctantly obliges.
"The reason Noah decided to become friends with you… is because he knew you'd be popular with the team. He knew you'd be well liked and could provide him some cover, and so he groomed you into believing he likes you. The friendship is surely genuine now, right Noah?" She acts all confused. Noah turns to Owen, who looks devastated.
"That's… not true, right?"
"Owen, I-... I do like you. You're my friend. But…"
Owen waits on bated breath. Gwen and Trent raise their brows judgingly. Heather smirks at him, knowing she's won, while Lindsay and LeShawna look disgusted.
He sighs.
"It's true.."
Owen lets himself take in the information, sniffling as tears stream down his eyes. "H-how could you…?"
"I came into the show with strategy as my priority. I… I didn't think about your feelings. But-"
"After all this time, everything we've been through?! You're.. You're just another fake friend?"
"Owen, buddy, I-"
He wails loudly, running out of the mess hall. Heather proudly watches, switching to a concerned look when everyone else stops watching Owen run away. Noah gives up, his shoulders slouched.
Owen comes back in, still crying, and grabs a bag of McDonald's food. "Thaaank you…!" He sobs, running back outside.
Noah slowly looks up at his glaring team.
(Confessional: Noah)
"I'm so dead.. You know what's the worst part, though? Like, unironically the worst part? Owen thinks I don't actually care about him. Why does it hurt so much? Why? Is this really what guilt is like? I feel like death. Time to go home, a completely unlikable asshole, I guess. Mom, dad, you've seen the worst of me on this show. Sorry I ever hid myself behind some good boy exterior.. Probably not very well, but still."
(Confessional: Heather)
"I had no idea about Owen and Noah. I made an educated guess based on what I wanted Owen for, and it worked out beautifully. Honestly, if that had fallen through, I would be totally screwed. Good work, Heather,"
(Confessional end)
At the Killer Bass feast, which takes place near Chef's secret kitchen by Chris' trailer with a big picnic table for all seven Killer Bass members laid out in front of a beautiful lake that reflects the moon within it's waters, Chris hops on an ATV, driving towards the elimination ceremony. Meanwhile, the contestants eat like wild dogs.
Duncan slobbishly scarfs down a bacon double cheeseburger, mayonnaise and ketchup decorating his greasy fingers. Courtney watches across from him, while Geoff and DJ scarf down a bowl of sticky, gooey, cheesy nachos and a warm peanut butter and jelly with milk respectively. Bunny gets to chomp on some carrots and lettuce on DJ's lap.
Courtney daintily cuts a piece of lobster up and eats it.
"Wait, your favorite food is PB&J? That's rare." Geoff asks his bro.
"Nah, not really, but nobody can make me or my Momma's famous egg salad sandwiches the way we do." DJ replies, taking a bite of the hot sandwich. "This is still real damn good though."
Geoff chuckles. "Aw, dude, when the competition is over, we should throw a wicked party at my place! You, me, Bridgette, Duncan, Courtney, you could cater, Bridge could DJ, it'd be tits!"
"A party? Like, a loud one with music and dancing?" Courtney questions.
"Chyeah! The best kind!" Geoff answers.
"Something tells me princess over here hasn't been to a real party before." Duncan mocks between mouthfuls of food.
"Can't say I have. Something tells me you've never been to a formal before with your table manners."
Duncan belches loudly, proving her point.
"I'm down, sounds like fun. Plus, I could invite my friends from home, too. They're really chill, great people. I met them at my volunteer center."
"Invite away! Duncan, got any cool criminal friends?"
"In juvie, there are no friends. Just enemies and bitches."
"What a warm and cozy environment." Bridgette sarcastically says, getting a laugh out of Courtney.
"I suppose I wouldn't mind if my first party was with you guys. I have friends back home, of course, but.. Not really the party kind." She lies.
"You're more than welcome, dude! We'd miss ya otherwise."
"I certainly would." Duncan winks. Courtney rolls her eyes, a faint smile on her lips.
"Oh, Courtney, about the Notebook, what do you think?" Bridgette asks excitedly, a plate of french toast and maple syrup below her. Courtney goes into detail about everything she loved with her.
Down the table, Harold and Sadie sit across from each other, enjoying themselves. Well, one of them is, anyway.
"Mm, this peach cobbler tastes exquisite! How's your apple pie, Sadie?"
Sadie pokes it with her fork, barely any of it eaten. "Not the same, honestly. Usually me and Katie share a pie when we get one from my mom's bakery, but without her, it's just kind of bland."
Harold frowns, placing a hand on hers comfortingly. "I suppose food is only as good as the company you share it with."
Sadie sighs. "Honestly, I think I'm gonna call it a night." She stands up, depressed.
"Oh, want me to wrap up your pie?"
"You can eat it. I'm okay. Goodnight, Harold."
"Oh, uh, goodnight, Sadie." With that she walks away, and Harold is left alone. He looks over at the rest of his team and sighs.
"Just like high school, gosh."
(Confessional: Sadie)
"I tried making a new friend with Courtney today, but I blew that too. Harold is my only friend in the game, now, and outside of it, Tyler is great, and I have some girls from back home who I pray don't hate me after the Katie fiasco, but I can't blame them if so. I miss Katie so much, but if she's chosen to move on without me, then I guess it's over. After fifteen years, it's all over.." She sniffles. "E-excuse me." She swiftly exits the confessional bathroom.
(Confessional end)
Geoff suddenly stands up, shaking the ice in his soda pop. "Everyone, may I have your attention? I'd like to give some special attention to an important part of the team who really pitched in today! Without him, we very may well have been goners out there in the woods, and Cody might have been dead. I know we riff on him a lot, but let's give a round of applause to Harold!"
The team stands up, even Duncan and Courtney, and begin clapping for Harold. He smiles, looking up at them with fondness. "Aw, thanks, Geoff! That's really nice of you."
"Sure, dude. Without you, we wouldn't be chowing on this awesome grub!" Geoff says.
"I guess you are good for something, dork." Duncan teases.
Harold snorts. "I have been. I've won us two challenges, and would have won us three if it weren't for Katie."
"Anyway.. We are thankful for you, Harold." DJ states, breaking up any potential fights. He raises his glass, and another round of applause breaks out.
At the elimination ceremony, the contestants all sit on their usual stumps. Gwen and Trent hold each other's hands, Trent hopping his leg up and down while Gwen looks relatively happy to be here. Noah sits in the corner alone, while Owen sits with a comforting LeShawna, who sits next to Heather and Lindsay. Eventually, Chef pulls up with Cody in a wheelchair, wheeling him next to Noah.
"Cody!" Noah greets. "Y-you're okay!"
"Aha.. yeah.. I'm like, awesome uberly y'know?"
"He's drugged up on painkillers, but he can make the elimination ceremony at least." Chef tells everyone present. Chris nods.
"Good!" The host exclaims.
"At least? I'm so sorry for what happened, man." Noah says.
"Wasn't your fault, bro.. Was mine for- ah.. Wanting the bag so bad."
"The chase never ends well, does it?" Noah chuckles humorlessly.
"Look, Noah.. I heard about everything that happened." Cody mutters.
"I'm so sorry. Most of it's not true, if that's any consolation."
"D-doesn't matter to me, dude. As far as I'm concerned, and I always am.. We're the creeps of this show. We stick together. You're my best friend. You're an asshole. But you're my asshole. Eugh.."
"Just shut up already." Noah says with a warm smile, fist bumping him.
"Hehe.. just wanted you to know.. Whatever happens.. You're cool, man."
"Campers, if I can have your attention," Chris says, holding a tray of six marshmallows on a plate. "You've all cast your votes and made your decisions. But.. I have a little twist today."
"A twist? Oh god, what now?" Gwen questions.
"Because of his grave injuries, Cody has to be medically evacuated and worked on by real, professional doctors. He can't compete, he's literally wheelchair bound."
"Um, ableist much? Cody's fine, right Cody?" Lindsay asks, trying to sound progressive. It backfires when he groans in pain.
"So then what are we doing here?" Heather asks.
"I thought it'd be amusing to see how everybody voted this time, to stir up the drama. So, here you go!" Chris declares, putting the marshmallows down before opening his computer instead, playing the latest confessional tapes.
(Confessional: Noah)
"I'm not staying long at this point, but I guess if I have to vote someone off.. Heather is my only bet. Hopefully Cody and Owen vote the same way. I doubt it, though."
(Confessional: Trent)
"Heather or Noah, Heather or Noah.. Not much of a contest. See ya, Noah."
(Confessional: Gwen)
"Heather's onto something, I can feel it. The question is, is Noah the greater threat? I think I'll take my chances with him. Heather."
(Confessional: Lindsay)
"I pick Noah, 'cause Heather said so. Plus, he called me dumb! That doesn't fly with this pretty lady." She flips her hair back.
(Confesional: LeShawna)
"Who's loud and obnoxious now, you cocky little bastard?"
(Confessional: Cody)
"Uh… I like Gwen a lot, hehe.. Mm, Gwen, Lindsay, ladies, one at a time!.. Oh uh, I guess like, Heather? I dunno!"
(Confessional: Heather)
"Later, Noah! I won't be missing you any time soon."
(Confessional: Owen)
"Even after everything he said.. Noah's still done me more harm than good. And I do think that we are friends now for real. So.. I pick Gwen. She didn't participate in the challenge. That's bad sportsmanship."
(Confessional end)
The contestants all look either shocked or bashful.
"Owen, you.. Forgive me?" Noah asks.
He looks most embarrassed of all. "Well.. maybe. I don't know yet."
Noah hugs Owen, squeezing him as hard as he can. Owen doesn't squeeze back for once.
"You're a good friend. The best."
"Just uh, give me some space for a few days, okay? I don't wanna just blindly let you back in in case you are playing me."
"Sure, sure. I understand." Noah walks over to Cody. "I can wheel him to the Boat of Losers, Chris."
"In that case, everyone say goodbye to Cody." Chris states, waving at him.
The contestants do so, with Gwen getting up to give Cody a more personal one. "I won't forget what you did for me, Cody. Good luck out there."
"Thanks, Gwen.." He replies dreamily, finally being carted away to the dock of shame. The Boat of Losers arrives, with Chef driving, still in his nurse's uniform.
"Waiiit!" Lindsay runs down the dock, still eating her pretzels from earlier.
"Lindsay?" Cody looks up at her, searing pain in his neck.
"You went through so much pain for me. You deserve at least one kiss."
"Really?!" His mouth goes agape.
Her lips softly press against the side of his cheek not injured. He lays back. "Ah… at last.. My first real kiss."
"Yo bag's in the back, kid. I ain't got all day." Chef barks.
"Goodbye, Cody. Keep in touch." Noah says.
"I slipped my discord into your pillowcase before I had to come out here. Message me, man. Byeee, Lindsay~"
"Bye!" Lindsay waves him farewell.
Noah parks him on the back of the boat, watching him go along with Lindsay. Back at the ceremony, Chris looks at the camera.
"And just like that, the teams are once again even! Will Trent and Gwen's relationship last? Will Owen truly let Noah back in? And will the Gophers be able to win the next challenge? Find out all this and more in the next thrilling episode of…
Total.
Drama.
Island!"
Mid Credits Scene
Chef slowly wheels Cody towards the interview table, sitting down across from him.
"Hey, you know, this kind of reminds me of that scene in the Dark Knight, except Batman is tied to a wheelchair. Like in Arkham City!" Cody enthuses.
"I don't know what the hell you're talking about, kid. Just answer the damn questions."
"Cody!" Beth's voice calls out.
"Oh no.." He mutters, eyes wide. The losers approach him and the table.
"Not you guys again.." Chef mutters.
"What the hell's up with you trying to get with my Lindsay, huh?!" Tyler demands, rolling up his sleeves.
"Tyler, I think I got my comeuppance already. I'm literally in a wheelchair."
"Yeah, leave the poor little guy alone. He's deformed enough as is." Justin adds.
"Alright.. I guess you did pay for it. Sorry about that bear attack, man, it seemed brutal." Tyler says, scratching the back of his head.
"Oh, it was." Cody replies, nervously chuckling.
"We got a show to wrap up, so if you'll excuse us.."
"Excuse you? The only excusing you do is when you sneeze all over the camp food! Haha!" Izzy mocks.
Chef growls. "I'm not in the mood, girl, don't trifle with me today."
"Sure, Cheffy, whatever floats!" She runs off, the other campers walking back to their hotel.
"You will after I'm done with you.." Chef mutters under his breath. Cody hears him.
"What?"
"What? Er, first question: Name?"
"Not sure if I want that out there."
"It already is, boy. Just say it."
"Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson. Junior."
"Wasn't so hard, was it? Next question: What are your likes and dislikes?"
"I like fine goth girls, Asian chicks, black girls, Puerto Ricans, Dominicans, bored American housewives from the midwest, oh and Nintendo. I guess I'm a PC gamer at heart, and a ladies man at my brain. Or wait, switch those two. I don't dislike a lot. If I had to say, I don't like cucking. That kink sucks."
"Why not? I love playing the role of a bull!"
"Ew."
"Next question: Favorite food?"
"Oh, man, I gotta choose one? Candy, gotta be candy. And if I had to pick one, I'd probably go with those M&M's with peanut butter inside. Aw, man, those things slap."
"What is your dream job?"
"IT milf hunter. I do the bare minimum IT stuff and get hot chicks lining up to ask me what's wrong with their computer."
"What is your home life like?"
"Home life's good. I go to school and put one shoe on at a time like any other guy. But I'm relatively unpopular at school. I stream sometimes on Twitch, and I have my own Youtube channel. I spend a lot of time in my room. My mom always wants me to go out more, while my dad is a total stick in the ass. Love 'em both, though. Hey guys!" He chuckles at the camera. Back at home, his dad shields his mom's eyes.
"Don't look, sweetie, they turned our kid into one of those disabled freaks!" Cody's dad shouts.
"Oh god!" Cody's mom wails.
Back at the show,
"Last question: What would you spend the money on, if you had won?"
Cody looks up at the night sky.
"A harem of gorgeous women who will never, ever leave. I'd want my own yandere. That'd be awesome.."
Credits Resume.