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Decisions – Chapter Thirty-Three

*trigger warning: self-harm

To say Hermione Granger had been acting cowardly was an understatement. For almost fourteen days, while she was truly busy with her workload and had a serious talk with the both the U.K and French Ministers of Magic, she had been actively avoiding her friends. She did have some excuses. Thankfully Luna had been called away for an important magical animal conference by her boyfriend and Ginny had a meeting with her team the day following Harry's party; she hadn't spoken to either of them and was ignoring their calls and letters. She had made the same overused excuse to Theo, Blaise, and Pansy's requests for either brunch, lunch, or dinner; Harry had an auror conference and didn't have time to call, luckily, and that gave her time to come up with something. Hermione completely ignored the two letters sent from an eagle owl. Guilt steadily built up in Hermione but she squashed it down, day by day. It's not that she wanted to ice her friends out, but she couldn't handle the medley of emotions that conspire within her the morning after the party. She woke up hungover at Harry's and stayed in his guest bed well past breakfast time, contemplating, and replaying the night in her head. She blushed at the memory of Draco being so close to her and his hands in her. Her blush deepened when she remembered their almost kiss on top of Grimmauld Place. While she understood that Draco Malfoy was physically appealing, smart, sometimes funny when he wasn't acting like he didn't care, that didn't mean she could handle her blossoming feelings for him. Hermione felt as if things were moving entirely too fast for her liking – they had just become friends! And to make feelings even more complicated, she didn't know if she was falling more quickly than she wanted because she still felt freshly single; she didn't want Draco to be a rebound, she cared at least that much for him. She knew he had changed from the boy he was at Hogwarts and knew he had taken a liking to her, but she couldn't understand why. Draco was one of U.K's most eligible bachelors, according to Parvati's piece in the Daily Prophet, along with the other two male Slytherins in her life. She didn't understand why he, of all people, would want her. They had been raised differently, acted differently, what could he possibly see in her that would make their match appealing? He needed a proper, Pureblood witch to become the next Lady Malfoy – quite possibly the same traditionalist view Ron had. Hermione had no intention of letting her career, or education, become anything less than a priority. She knew that that was her insecurities speaking, but she couldn't help to think of them. While she could be wrong about what Draco Malfoy expected in his future partner, she also didn't fully know either – making assumptions were easier. Hermione also had to decide how she was planning, if she decided to go, to attend LGS on top of the strange emotions Draco Malfoy made her feel. The conversation between her and Minster Auclair had been informative, but the older witch did advise, considering the length of the oblivation spell and the depth of the spell, that Hermione was working on very little grounds and might not be able to make much process. With everything that had happened and is happening, Hermione needed her own time to think, to plan. That's why she had set out to meet her mind healer this evening. Hermione hadn't seen her mind healer in over a month and that was entirely her own fault. But like everything else, Hermione chalked her ignoring her mental health because of her hectic work life. As soon as she walked into the pristine office her stomach summersaulted at the sight of the platinum blond that was constantly on her mind. They both stopped to stare at one another; Hermione noticed he looked more tired than usual and he's jaw was set in a hard line. His gray eyes were darker in the lights, in the distant, and she wondered if he was occluding. Draco wore black trousers and a black, long-sleeved oxford, simple and neat, and Hermione couldn't help to think how handsome he looked. Against her wishes, her body reacted on its own accord; her heart sped up and a warmth flushed over her. Hermione didn't know he was seeing a mind healer and the idea of having the same mind healer made Hermione warmer; he's still working on himself, she thought. Before she could say anything, the receptionist said,

"Miss Granger, Healer Dee is ready to see you."

Hermione nodded weakly before forcing her legs to walk past the wizard who was plaguing her thoughts. The distinct scent that was Draco Malfoy hit her, making the nervousness buzz around her; he smells like limes and basil and…She walked past him, and she half expected him to say something, but he didn't. Hermione didn't know why she felt disappointed, she hadn't spoken to him either, but it settled in her throat and stomach. She felt more glum than ever.

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Infuriating, bloody witch, Draco thought to himself as he hurriedly strode to an apparating point to leave. He needed something – anything – soon before he really lost his mind. Draco put enough space between him and Hermione before he let his mask fall. He had been seeing his damn mind healer twice a week for the past two weeks mostly because of her. He ran a trembling hand through his unkept hair before apparating back to his French home. First, Draco thought she needed space to sort out their night which he understood; she was an overthinker just like he was. While he had too much time to think about her and every possibility, good or not, Hermione had just started. At least he hoped. But after two unanswered notes and his friends also being ignored by said witch, Draco was slowly losing the little sanity he had. Now, seeing her in perfect health minus bags under her eyes, Draco almost snapped at her. He almost demanded why he was being rejected when she had set the pace the night of Potter's party. He wanted her to know that he'd been overstressing, overthinking, and under sleeping because of her. However, Draco forced himself to do nothing. With his occluding shields in place, he stood as still has he could manage as she walked by. He forced himself not to react. Healer Ursa reminded him today that everyone takes their own time and since he knew Hermione wasn't one to rush into a relationship – took her nearly a decade to get with Weasley! – and hadn't been in another relationship, that he was aware of, she was still processing their date night. While that soothed Draco's hurt pride and ego in the yellow room that was Healer Ursa's room, it didn't soothe him when the reason for his close call to meltdown was staring at him from across the room. Draco noticed how the green Holyhead's tee hung over her frame, the dark leggings covered her legs, and her wild hair let lose; she looked just as beautiful as he remembered. Draco's heart clenched uneasily. He didn't know Hermione was seeing a mind healer and he definitely didn't expect to see her right after his session; they at least didn't have the same mind healer, but that was of little importance to the blond. Draco practically ran back to the confines of his room, needing to be alone with his thoughts. Draco felt the bitter taste of rejection and mirror in front of him shattered from the bout of accidental magic. He hadn't had an accident of the such since the night at their Manor when the Golden Trio had gotten captured. A shard managed to cut his shirt and into his forearm, right above his disgusting mark. Draco couldn't help but to feel a curious feeling. Anything… This will do, he thought, knowing no drinks could help him and he hadn't resupplied on forgo. He couldn't bother his friends again. Draco needed to feel something as ugly as he felt when being rejected by Hermione Granger. He needed to feel something as vile as he felt when he no longer wore the scion heir ring. Picking up a long, sharp-edged shard, Draco winced at the pain he felt when he put pressure on his Dark Mark, beads of blood spilling onto his arm and into his hand, ruining his shirt. The blood pooling at end of his arm, dripping onto his carpet, matched exactly the same blood he saw in the Manor being spilled by his aunt.

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"So you're not speaking to Theo because he didn't tell you about meeting with Daphne about Astoria, right?"

Blaise asked the black headed witch. She nodded once but didn't look at him. The Parkinson witch was dressed casually for her; wearing light muggle jeans with a long sleeved, light magenta blouse and white ballet flats. The top hung over her left shoulder, so her porcelain skin was exposed, and she had half her hair in a crown braid. She had minimal gold jewelry one – a small necklace, two or three rings, and a thin bracelet. Blaise always thought Pansy looked gorgeous, but he did prefer her when she let lose – it was his favourite version of her.

"You're also not speaking to him still because of your impromptu sleepover after Potter's party, correct?"

He pressed. Pansy pressed her lips together and Blaise knew he was right. Unlike Pansy, Blaise was dressed in a usual three-piece sans jacket. Today's colors consisted of dark sapphire trousers, a pale pink oxford that exposed his forearms, and dark shoes. Pansy had told Blaise about the night she spent in Theo's arms. While she blushed furiously, Blaise hadn't teased that day. He knew of Theo's deep feelings for her and of Pansy's familiar ones to Theo. As both their friend, he wanted no part in their war, but he couldn't sit out when Pansy needed advice – she rarely asked him for any. Blaise had offered his rare, quite support and told Pansy he was sure Theo wasn't reading into it. He couldn't be certain, but he didn't tell her that. Theo, like Draco, said very little when it came to the witch of his affections. Blaise didn't blame him. Currently, they were both heading over to Draco's, unannounced, because frankly, they were both worried about him. Narcissa seemed to be frazzled every weekly dinner they had. Blaise couldn't pinpoint why, as far as he knew Lady Malfoy knew nothing about Draco and Hermione. However, there were little things to be noticed in Malfoy Manor that didn't go unseen in Blaise's eye. No flowers in empty vases, hair being worn lose every time, and no mirth in the Lady of House's expression. Blaise had assumed Hermione was ignoring all of them because, like Draco, she couldn't just let herself go with the flow. If that were so, she was analyzing the situation and her feelings for Draco, she was icing him out, and by proxy his friends too. Theo and Pansy were certainly cross with her, but Blaise didn't take it personally. She's probably pulling out her hair right now, Blaise thought to himself and chuckled. Pansy turned to glare at him before they stepped into her floo. Blaise threw his hands up as a sign of surrendering. She didn't know he wasn't laughing at her but he wasn't going to correct her.

"We'll go over to Theo's after Draco's."

He said with a wink and dodged the hex she threw his way. Flooing over to Draco and entering the silent home, Blaise couldn't help to feel a foreboding emotion wash over him. Pansy must have felt the same as she turned to look up at him. Sighing, Blaise took the lead to Draco's room – his preferred brooding place. While it wasn't the quiet that bothered Blaise, it was the lack of welcome they didn't receive from Draco's elf or Draco himself. The blond rarely let his visitors roam around his abode freely – even if they were his best mates. Turning the doorknob and opening the door, the scene before him didn't startle him as much as it startled Pansy. She gasped and quickly ran over to where Draco was laying in the middle of his bedroom. Draco was laying in carpet with a small pool of blood by his arm. The red was vibrant amongst the neutral color. Blaise noticed it was his left arm that was cut and took the time to vanish all the broken mirror fragments before calling for Dally. Judging by the amount of blood, Blaise didn't have cause for worry. As soon as Dally popped in, he wailed at the sight of Draco

"Sir, Dally tried to help Master Draco but he didn't let him!"

The house elf whined at the mess that his master had made. Blaise nodded once knowing the elf wasn't lying but also needed to speak in his defense.

"It's not your fault, Dally. Please bring a blood replenishing potion and a numbing salve, please."

Blaise instructed stoically. Pansy was speaking lowly to Draco and she had the comfort handled – Blaise wanted to throttle him. While this was the first time Draco had resorted to self-harm, Blaise wasn't a stranger to it. Dally nodded once before disappearing. Pansy was already checking his vitals and frowning at the sight of his marred arm. Blaise sighed again as he moved towards his friend, kneeling down at a paler Draco. He smirked weakly at Blaise, but Blaise could see the residue of tears in his eyes. His heart dropped; Draco rarely cried. The lack of reaction of their interference wasn't a good sign.

"What are you doing, mate?"

Blaise whispered to him instead of shouting of how stupid he was. Draco chuckled softly before closing his eyes.

"Unfeeling."

Draco replied through parched lips. Blaise didn't reply as he held onto Draco's wrist, gingerly inspecting his arm. The cuts were deep and jagged, his shirt was ruined; it looked as if he was trying to cut off the mark by himself. Blaise didn't wince at the sight of the cuts.

"Blaise! His heart rate is dropping!"

Pansy yelled out in alarm, cutting Blaise out from his inner thoughts. Blaise turned to look at the lights scattered over Draco's body and Pansy was right, his heart rate was dropping faster than he anticipated with the lack of blood he saw around him. Blaise looked suspiciously at the quiet blond.

"You cleaned up, didn't you?"

He whispered at him. Draco didn't respond but from the looks at his vitals, he was right.

"Fucking Hade's circles of hell! Dally!"

Blaise yelled out before the elf could reappear with the potion and salve he thought Draco needed. The elf appeared besides him with said potion and a small oval container.

"I need you to bring Theo here now."

He said before taking both containers from the elf. The elf nodded before leaving once more and Blaise opened the dark red bottle to stuff it in Draco's lips. Blaise was grateful Pansy didn't bug him about bringing Theo; they both knew he was the most advanced healer out of all of them.

"Pansy make sure he drinks all of it."

Blaise said and Pansy took hold of the bottle. Blaise didn't bother with the salve as he needed Theo to come and stitch up Draco before anything. Blaise took the time to cast a warming charm over his friend before gratefully, Theo appeared with Dally. Theo's blue eyes raked over every person there before getting to work. Blaise moved aside as he released a sigh he didn't know he was holding.

"Merlin's bloody balls, Draco."

Theo whispered as he watched his best mate heal his other. It took Theo two minutes to close the wounds on Draco arms, another two working on the hidden ones on his left leg, and then five massaging both arm and leg to make sure the potion accelerated in working its magic – he didn't bother with the salve.

"Good thinking on the warming charm, Blaise."

Theo muttered. Blaise nodded once, but knew Theo was thinking out loud. Blaise didn't want to acknowledge he only knew how to do so because of Theo. Slowly, the color was returning to the Malfoy heir. He was still paler than usual, but there was pink in his cheeks and lips, and his head didn't drop every other second. Blaise released an exhale as Pansy did the same. As soon as he opened his eyes, Theo took his wand and placed it on his neck. Blaise didn't react but Pansy yelled out,

"Theo!"

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

Theo asked, his voice coming out as a hiss. Draco had the good sense of looking embarrassed before closing his eyes again.

"I didn't realize how much blood I had lost, Theo."

He answered, dejectedly. The answered unfazed the murderous look on Theo's face; Blaise didn't blame him.

"You could have died if Pansy and Blaise hadn't shown."

He all but spat at him. Draco didn't answer and then Pansy stood up to excuse herself – Blaise caught her telltale sign of crying. He also didn't blame Pansy for leaving; he wish he could leave too. The weight of the situation weighed heavily on Blaise. Sighing once more, Blaise also got to his feet but didn't leave. He couldn't leave Draco and Theo in the same room right now.

"All because of a witch?"

Blaise couldn't help but to ask. Blaise knew Draco was in love with Gryffindor's Golden Girl, he knew Theo and Pansy were enticing her in their inner circle, he liked her too and played along, but Blaise did not understand why Draco would go to these ends if he was desperate. Draco could have another witch in a millisecond if he so wanted. Blaise desperately wished he had a case of cigarettes with him but he hadn't boughten a new pack.

"I'm Lord Malfoy now."

Draco responded after a few antagonizing seconds. Blaise sagged unto Draco's kept bed. At least it wasn't all because of a witch, Blaise thought as he stared up at pale blue ceiling.

"Fuck you! I'm sick and tired of you dealing with your bullshit in the most unhealthy manners!"

Theo exploded, getting off the floor to turn towards the door. The blood replenishing potion and Theo's healing seemed to work because Draco also sprang to his feet. Blaise tilted his head back down to watch the scene unfold before him; Draco was rocky on his feet but didn't collapse.

"That's rich coming from you, Nott."

Draco snapped. Theo turned to glare at Draco which Draco did the same. Blaise watched with a blank mask over his face. Draco stepped closer to Theo.

"We all know why you know how to heal better than the rest of us."

Draco whispered and then Theo was throwing a nasty hex at Draco that would have caused his blood to slowly boil and turn his brain into mush in at antagonizing slow rate; Draco would have been dead within 13 hours if he had caught it. However, Draco was quick on his feet, pulling his wand out from his trousers' pocket to cast a protective shield over himself while Blaise did the same for his own safe being. They dueled for approximately eight minutes and thirty-two seconds before Pansy came back in. She took in the sight before her before her eyes narrowed into slits, glaring at all three.

"You bloody imbeciles."

She snarled. Draco's room was in shambles; there were feathers from his pillows and comforter from being sliced from the magic around them. Draco's wooden desk had been blown to pieces, shards of wood all around the area. There were residue marks all around the walls before them. Pansy quickly took out her own wand to immobilized the three of them.

"Pans – "

Blaise began but her glare cut him off.

"You all are not bloody leaving this Circe's forsaken room until you realized the depth of today."

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Harry smiled serenely back at his best mate; the red-headed wizard mimicked his smile back and they turned to enjoy the scenery before them. They were watching a quidditch scrimmage formed of the auror department somewhere near a wizarding village that Harry couldn't quite recall. They had just finished two weeks of high intense auror training when both wizards realized the same thing – this wasn't what they wanted to for the rest of the lives. It had been nagging at Harry how much time he spent away from his godson, from his then-girlfriend, and from one of his best mates. Slowly, Harry realized an auror career isn't what he wanted anymore. He and Ron both had enough of dark wizard hunting and putting their lives on the line for the greater good. Harry was immensely glad Ron realized when he did. He was glad he wasn't alone in the sentiment. Harry wanted a peaceful life after fighting a maniac for most of his life.

"You'll be brilliant with George."

Harry said. Ron blushed slightly, shrugging but smiling still. After Harry's party, Ron had told Harry that he had a lot of making up to Padma. Harry figured this was another reason why Ron wanted to leave the program. Auror training was time-consuming. Harry was already thinking of all the time he would have with Teddy before term would start.

"Or even in sports regulation if you wanted to try that too."

Harry continued.

"You'll be bloody brilliant as a professor, Harry."

Ron complimented him back, knocking his shoulder with his. Harry couldn't help the grin that widened at his words. After giving it some thought, Harry decided he wanted to try his hand at Defense professor. He hadn't asked McGonagall or even thought about a lesson plan, but Harry figured if he could teach his peers and then some at his fifth year, he could teach others as well. He also enjoyed it – seeing the look of awe and happiness on others faces when they got a spell they had been trying to cast, casting it correctly. It was brilliant.

"You'll be a mixture of all the marauders."

Ron said, interrupting his thoughts.

"Yeah."

Harry agreed. They both stayed in silence, ruminating in their actions and what would follow them.