Chapter 10 - Do you want to build a snowman?

The weight was heavy in his arms.

Snow fell all around, covering the destruction and death that surrounded him.

His head swivelled, looking at all the man surrounding him, fear in their eyes, guns in their hands.

None of them stopped him.

He kept walking, feet sinking deeper and deeper with each step. He kept walking.

He stopped in the circle of light, harsh winds creating a snowstorm. Death stood in front, unmoving.

The weight was heavy in his arms.

Nathan awoke with a jolt, a gasp leaving his lips, tears burning as they fell.

"Uhh." He groaned with hands on his face, and slowly sat up, trying to rub the tiredness of his eyes. Opening the curtains, his face got hit with the glare of the sun coming from the window.

Grumbling to himself, he got up, going to check the time on his watch. 9:37. Way later than he would usually be woken up. Then why did he still feel so tired?

He dragged himself to the bathroom, badly needing to relieve himself. He couldn't help but linger on the mirror when he washed his hands. His face still looked messed up, but it was better than yesterday. A red glowing eye greeted him. A blink and it was gone.

On the dorm room the sun seemed to shine brighter through the window. Could be because I'm not used to waking up this late. He thought as he approached the window, undoing the latches to let air in.

"Holy shit!" He shouted on instinct as the cold air hit his body, fully waking him up instantly. He leaned his head out, squinting his eyes to see through the glare of the sun.

A snowflake gently floated down in front of his eyes, as he outstretched his hand to let it fall in it.

"Wow…" The awed whisper escaped him as his eyes finally adjusted to the light. The land was blanketed in a thick coat of snow, the only things not white being the trees and buildings scattered about. It was a truly mesmerizing view.

He almost expected Santa Clauss to come through, flying in his sled. Who says that can't happen? It was true. Magic made the impossible, possible.

An idea popped into his head at the image of the jolly old man, and he turned his gaze to the snow piled far below the tower. It looked like enough.

"Could you try not being so loud next time?" The question startled him, and he turned to see Harry getting out of his bed, hair a complete mess.

"Sorry." Nathan said with a sheepish smile, as the kid put on his glasses and stood beside him, looking through the window. Nathan watched as wonder filled the boy's face, a smile slowly growing. One he felt mirrored on his own.

"You doing anything?" He asked before he could lose his nerve.

"You mean today?" Harry asked and Nathan nodded. "Seeing as there's not much to do… No."

A snort escaped Nathan at the kid's delivery as he turned back to stare outside, taking in the view one last time before stepping away.

Turning fully to Harry, he grinned and asked "Do you wanna build a snowman?"

Nathan stopped his jogging once his boots were crunching snow. He stood in his spot, and swerved his head to see all that he could. The planes looked even more beautiful this close. Harry stopped right beside him, breath slightly ragged. Absent-mindedly, Nathan pulled out his wand and conjured half a dozen bluebell flames for each of them.

"C'mon!" Nathan shouted as he started piling up snow, his companion following his lead without question after catching his breath.

In no time they had built Jefferson the Snowman, and with the help of Harry, Jefferson now sported some stylish clothes thanks to some transfigured leaves. As he didnt want the snowman feeling lonely, they also gave him a wife, Maria, and a cute little daughter called Lily. As they obviously couldn't live in the streets in this cold weather they also built them a nice little house.

They were a perfect little happy family.

Until Harry tripped on a stray rock and knocked over one of the walls, making the whole structure fall into itself.

Nathan fired his snowball without hesitation, hitting the boy hard in the head, his glasses falling off in the process. Thus, the great Jefferson war had started, going far into the morning, until they both lay shivering in the ground, laughing their asses off and making snow angels.

"What now?" Harry asked after they'd gotten up, backs becoming too cold to tolerate.

"Now…" Nathan trailed off as he finished patting the snow from his hair. "We find a slope!" He answered with a grin and took off, not waiting for Harry.

The cold breeze hit his face as he ran through the grounds, making his mouth and nose hurt. Nathan simply pulled Hermione's scarf higher, and kept running.

He stopped when he found a hill that led to a stone house owned by the giant teacher. He inspected the area, and found it would be more than enough for his purpose.

Harry stopped beside him, bracing himself on his knees as he tried not to pass out. Nathan only grinned at him before walking towards a branch he had seen by some trees.

Pulling out his wand, it took some tries, but he successfully transfigured the piece of wood into a crude imitation of a snowboard. "It'll do!" He said with confidence, putting the piece of wood beneath his armpit.

He walked back to Harry, who had now recovered, and dropped the board to the ground, stopping it from sliding with one foot. The bespectacled boy only looked at him with confusion. Again Nathan chose to answer by simply grinning.

Before leaning forwards and putting his other foot on the board.

"UUUUHHUUUUUULLLLLL!" He screamed in delight, as he tore down the hill. His face was going numb with the wind, but he couldn't care less at the moment.

There was a rock in his path, and it was approaching fast. His body moved on pure instinct, twisting itself and jumping, bringing the board with it.

Or that is what he wished had happened. Reality was that the board remained on the ground, and Nathan went soaring through the air.

"OH GOD, IT'S COLD!" Nathan jumped off his back, and started patting the snow off his body, twisting around like a dog going after its tail. He could distinctly hear Harry laughing loudly at his wipeout. "I WANNA SEE YOU DO ANY BETTER!"

The faraway boy straightened up before marching over to the trees, before coming back with a board just as crude as his. He threw it on the ground, before confidently jumping on the wood and going down the hill.

He fell down just beside Nathan.

"Holy shit!" Nathan bent over in his laughter, his jaw and stomach hurting from his mirth. Harry slowly stood up, assessing himself to see if anything was broken. Nathan could only focus on the complete mess that was his hair.

Wiping the tears off his eyes, he straightened up and retrieved their boards, offering Harry's back. "Do you know any way to make this stick to our feet? I think it'll make it easier." He asked as they started their trek back up the hill.

"You want to go again!?" Harry asked incredulously. Nathan could only laugh.

For hours they kept doing the same thing. Going down the hill, falling, getting back to the top, changing the board slightly, and then going down again. Until he didn't fall.

"FINALLY!" He raised his hands in the air triumphantly and looked at his friend, who raised his hands in the air with a double thumbs up.

He bent down and retrieved the board, which now looked nothing like how it started, and went back up the hill to his friend, who had given up the activity some time ago.

"I think we deserve a victory meal after all of this!" When Harry didn't follow Nathan turned to see what was wrong. The boy looked at his face, then the board in his hands, then back to his face.

"I put a lot of time into building this, I'm keeping it!" Nathan said indignantly, and Harry simply shook his head in exasperation, as they calmly walked back to the castle.

Wandering the empty halls brought an eerie feeling to Nathan. Going on leisure strolls to familiarize himself with the castle used to calm him. distract him. Now the wind howling through the corridors only made him nervous. The lack of students and their lively sounds only exacerbated it all.

He'd been having such a wonderful day too. So joyful and carefree. But he knew it wouldn't last.

Stopping at a window he gazed into the full moon. Its image was so bewitching that its beauty overflowed in the form of light, bathing the snow beneath in an almost ethereal glow. It all looked so otherworldly at the moment. So foreign.

Hastily stepping away, Nathan kept walking aimlessly. Or so he thought, until he recognized the door beside him.

The room looked just like he'd left it. He wondered if someone would come and clean it. It was still just as abandoned as he'd found it.

The room was small, at least compared to some of the other classrooms that were used. The chairs that littered the floor in a chaotic manner only made the space more cramped. But that wasn't the word he'd use.

By a window in the back there was a clutter of chairs and tables, with the teachers desk being among it. Cozy is how he described the space. Warm. Safe.

He calmly walked to the window, his shoulders sagging in relief. He sat on a chair that touched the window, and felt a tension he hadn't noticed leave his body.

A bird flew in and landed gently on the window sill, burrowing into itself and closing its eyes. Nathan did the same, slouching on his seat and closing his eyes, one of his hands petting the creature.

The library was a quiet cozy place that helped him focus. On the grounds around the lake he burned his stress out. His dorm room allowed him to rest his weary body.

But this was the one room where he could relax. The one place he felt safe.

The wind continued to sing outside. No longer eerie, now a calming melody. He found himself humming, his head swaying lazily, slowly, from side to side. His low humming became slightly louder, and his mouth would sometimes open, attempting to sing the lyrics to a song he didn't know, as his feet tapped to an unknown beat. His body seemed to know the song at least.

By the time he'd notice it was already too late. Numbness set in his body like an old friend. He opened his eyes slowly to see flecks of sand dancing in his vision.

He continued his 'singing', gazing vacantly outside, as the feeling slowly set in. There was no overbearing feeling of something being wrong, though. It just felt like a comforting blanket being put around his shoulders. It was the same feeling Hermione's scarf gave him.

Nathan watched his body sit up, and turn to one of the desks beside him. His eyes roamed its cracked surface, one of his hands touching the wood softly. After some moments, the hand went to the underside of the table, his other pulling out his wand. Putting the tip to the wood, he moved it from one end to the other in one fluid and deliberate motion.

He watched the shape morph in his hand, going from square and hard edged to circular and sinuous. The transformation finished, and his wand was put down on the nearby teachers desk. In his grasp was a strange… thing, that had strings and nobs, and a hole in the middle.

Guitar. The comforting whisper felt like it had come from beside him this time, the warmth in his ear sending shivers down his spine. With a click his brain remembered the information.

He could now see there were some things that were wrong with it. The frets of the bridge were slightly crooked, the hole wasn't perfectly spherical, and the shape wasnt smooth. None of that stopped him from setting the instrument on his lap.

Instantly he felt heat blossom within him, spreading out through his body. Slouching back on his seat, his fingers plucked the strings, a horrible sound coming out. He watched with mounting confusion as his hands went to the nobs at the end, turning them and listening to the sounds getting better. Repeating this process until all the strings sounded good, but different.

He watched his hands move, strumming, plucking, and pressing the strings softly. There was no rhyme or reason, only disjointed experimentation. Until the movements slowly became purposeful, and the sounds more harmonious. His eyes slowly closed of their own accord, and Nathan didn't fight them. His confusion turned to peace as he listened to the calm melody.

Slowly the chords became clear to him, along with the strumming pattern. It was all so familiarly strange. Like hearing a song playing far away in the city. Recognizable enough to feel like you know it. Too distant to decipher it. He felt his eyes mist over.

Some of the chords sounded worse than others. Both because of the flaws on the instrument, and his lack of conscious knowledge over what he was doing. None of it retracted from how mesmerizing it sounded to him.

He felt himself start to hum once more, and the bird followed with gentle whistles. The words that before wouldn't come out now flowed unhindered from his lips.

"I think I lost myself out…Somewhere in between."

His head tilted forwards as his eyes closed, and let the song flow through him.

"So what am I supposed to do?"

His fingers plucked the string gently, with a mind of their own. The sound echoed in the empty room, making him feel like he was floating in a void.

"And I won't lose hope… And I wont lose courage…"

Nathan kept playing and singing, losing himself to the music. For once his mind wasn't in turmoil. His body was so relaxed he was sure it would fall from the chair at any moment. He just kept singing.

"Cause if everyone is gone… I don't wanna be here…"

"I don't wanna be… alone…"

.

…

…..

He didn't even notice when he'd stopped singing. His fingers kept plucking the strings even if the song had ended.

Finally he stopped, and he basked in the deafening silence of the room. There were no thoughts, no fears. Only peace. Pure and complete ataraxia. He didn't dare open his eyes yet.

When he did he found himself momentarily disoriented. I'm still in my room. Slowly righting himself in the seat, he gazed tenderly at the guitar, hands tracing the wood softly.

With a contented sigh, Nathan stood, carefully putting the instrument down on the table beside him. Stretching his aching back he turned to the bird, noting with surprise it was sleeping. Checking the watch in his pocket, he was even more surprised to find how much time had passed. What didn't startle him was that fact it was past curfew. Just my luck. He thought humorously.

Sitting back down he started taking his boots off, just like the last time he had to do this. With that done, he turned to the bird, gently caressing it in its soft head. It nuzzled back into his fingers, but kept slumbering.

Turning to the guitar, he went to pick it up, but stopped short. He could bring either the instrument or his boots. Pausing for just a moment to think, he patted the guitar, before bending down and grabbing his boots. No one would come to this place. I hope.

The walk back to the dorms was much easier this time around. No prefects patrolling. No other wandering students. And there seemed to be no teachers, which made sense. Even if there were still some people in Hogwarts, they could be counted in one hand. Besides, most of the teachers deserved a break too.

At one point he'd started humming the song again, even singing under his breath. Now he could remember the lyrics and the name, but not where he'd heard it. He tried to remember, but nothing came up.

"Are you feeling better today, Love?"

The voice startled him, making him jump a little. The source was the lady in the portrait, who was trying to hold on to her laughter. "Yeah. Sorry for yesterday." He said sheepishly, rubbing his hair absentmindedly.

Her gaze softened. "No need my dear. Now go in already so you don't get in trouble!" She said, waiting for the password so she could let him through.

Opening the door to the dorm he saw Harry in his bed, but not sleeping. The bespectacled boy raised his head from his book to look at him. Nathan waved lazily at him, going to his bed. Dropping the boots, he gathered his things and went to the bathroom.

Like it was becoming routine, he paused at the mirror, gazing at his reflection. He still looked pale and had dark bags under his eyes, nothing new.

But he was smiling, his eyes gentle and relaxed, almost seeming to glow.

Nathan kept looking at himself, wondering if this was the first time he'd seen this expression on his face. He gave a thumbs up to his reflection, and his smile widened subconsciously. He stepped out of the bathroom.

Harry was looking at his bed with a strange expression. Seeing him step out, the boy turned his attention to Nathan shortly, before looking down to his feet. Not wishing to pry, Nathan put his things away, before climbing into bed.

"Hey…" He stopped his motion, turning to sit facing Harry, who had a pensive expression as he looked at him. "Do you really believe me?"

It took a moment for Nathan to understand what he was talking about, when he remembered their talk the other day.

He couldn't discern if his tone was disbelieving or hopeful. With no clue what had happened in the starting months of the school year, he had no way of knowing if he had been telling the truth or not. Having no recollection of the guy's personality also didn't help in knowing if he was prone to lying or not. His situation still found ways to somehow become worse.

Does it really matter? He looked at the kid sitting across from him, really looked. He sat hunched into himself, and his vivid green eyes looked almost scared. Like the hope he'd been feeling was about to vanish.

Maybe he just needs someone in his corner. He was sure Hermione believed Harry had not entered out of his own volition, so he wasn't completely alone. But sometimes that wasn't what it felt like.

"I do." Nathan said with as much conviction as he could muster. He still wasn't sure if he should believe him or not. But with the way the boy's body sagged with relief, he knew he'd made the right decision for now.

"Thank you-I-I-Just-." Harry stuttered, trying to convey his gratitude. Nathan stood and approached him, offering a fist in hopes of stopping the boy's embarrassment. Harry just looked at the fist, and then at Nathan's face, before fist bumping him.

"No need to thank me." Nathan said, as he turned and went back to his bed, flopping stomach down on it, and pulling the covers over him. "G'night buddy." He said with half his face squished into the pillow.

"Good night." Harry said with a small smile, before laying in his own bed, and closing the curtains. Nathan did the same, and closed his eyes without hesitation.

He promptly fell asleep.