Chapter 3: Murder in Mumbai (Version 2)
It was a new day, and Blitzø was back again in his office, doing more very important work. He was laying face down on his desk, as his thoughts wandered around, digging through sh*t he didn't want dug through. Everywhere he went there were news stories about Prince Stolas's dating life. He'd already shot 3 TV's and put 2 phones through the blender, and it was getting expensive. Why the hell was he letting this privileged, sappy, nerdy, overly attentive, birdbrain get to him? He needed to get over whatever was tripping him up, and fast. And he knew just what would fix it.
He picked up his Megaphone, "Moxxiiiieeeee!"
"Yes, Blitzø?" A sweet sounding Millie entered his office.
"Okay, Millie, when the Bible said that becoming married means that you become one flesh, I don't think eating your husband and taking his identity is exactly what it had in mind." Blitzø gestured to her general person with an incredulous look.
"Moxxie is out sick today, so I'm taking his shift. . . And also my shift. Double shifts." She said holding two fingers up.
"Okay, first of all, never say double shifts again unless we're having a threesome. And second of all, what in Satan's name did he get sick with that's so bad he can't come into work, huh?!" Blitzø stood as he shouted.
Millie crossed her arms and raised a brow, "He has the chicken pox."
There was a pause of silence for a moment before Blitzø started having a laughing fit so big he fell on the floor.
"Yeah, yeah, I see the irony." She rolled her eyes, "What did you want Blitzø?"
"How many clients we got?"
"Well, we've got a grand total of . . ." She counted her fingers for a moment, "zero."
"Ugh! Can't Mox do anything right? Hang on." Blitzø took out a sheet of paper and made a flyer with more spelling errors than information.
"There! A full proof way to get customers. It worked for that time with Verosica, it's sure to work again."
30 minutes later, on an empty street by a pole with a flyer, "Why isn't anyone here?!" Blitzø shouted.
"Maybe all the sinners in this area have already gotten their revenge from last time. We could try a different area-" Millie started.
"Ah, forget this." Blitzø said, pulling out his phone and making a call, "Loona, how fast can you get to the street?"
"Lucky for you, I was about to go on my lunch." Loona said from behind him.
"Aw! Loony! My impeccably timed daughter, as always!" Blitzø said.
"Didn't you already take your lunch? Like an hour ago?" Millie asked.
"She is a growing girl and needs to a full belly." Blitzø cuddled up to Loona.
"Damn, right." Loona said before peeling him off of her.
"Okay, Loona, make a portal!" He pointed at the wall dramatically.
"To where?" She asked pulling the book seemingly out of thin air.
"To the living world!" He pointed again.
"Where in the living world?" Loona raised a brow.
"Somewhere with a bunch of d*ckheads!" Blitzø dramatically a third time.
"Yeah, that doesn't really narrow it down-" Loona placed a hand on her hip.
Blitzø began rubbing the space between his eyebrows, "Look, Loony, I don't care. I just need a place with lots of people filled with lots of blood. Can you do that for me?"
"Got it." With that, she opened a portal on the wall.
Millie started asking, "Wait, Blitzø, what are you-"
"Last one in is a little b*tch!" Blitzø shouted and jumped through the portal.
Millie sighed and made a sweet face to Loona who was now on her phone, "Would you mind closing this portal and opening another one up in the office so random f**kers don't wander into the living world? I'm gonna roundup your father and figure out what in actual hell he's doing, okay? Okay." And with that she chased after him.
"Not my dad, but sure, yeah, I'm just going to take my lunch first." She said to the air and wandered off towards a nearby shopping district.
The sun beat down hard on every surface it could reach. A few engines chugged along at a snail's pace while pedestrians took up every inch of space on the roads. Street vendors filled the air with spices and herbs. And in a small alleyway, in the middle of bustling Mumbai, stood a demon craving a kill.
"Blitzø, what the actual f**k are you doing?" Millie said as she grabbed the gun Blitzø was loading out of his hands.
"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm prepping for a massacre scene that would look very cool in animation." Blitzø rolled his eyes and took out another gun.
"You can't just kill these people willy-nilly." Millie took the second gun.
"Why not?! These motherf**kers are probably all scam callers looking to get rich quick off of old people's savings, anyway." Blitzø took out another gun out of his coat and held it above his head.
"That is a stereotype based on a very small number of people, who most Indians hate just as much as the rest of the world." Millie did some sick wall jumping and grabbed it from his hands before landing on her feet, "Besides, in a crowd of this size, there's no way you wouldn't be noticed. And probably recorded."
"Ugh, you save your worry for your inbred husband." He pulled out a gun out of his boot, and pushed past her, "I'll be careful."
She tossed the guns to the side and wrapped her arms around his waist, lifted him in the air, spun him around, and slammed him back on the ground behind her again, "Nope, I can't let you do this." She snatched the gun from his hand, "Why do you want to kill so bad anyway? Is this about the Prince?"
Blitzø stood up and dusted off his sore bottom, before pulling out a gun from his other boot, "This has nothing to do with Stolas, now you're going to get out of my way or I will go through you." Blitzø glared.
"How many of those guns you got?" Millie raised a brow.
Blitzø pulled out another gun from his pants (exactly where you think), "Enough to give you a few holes."
"Okay, Blitzø, that's enough." She grabbed both the guns in his hands, pulled him down as she jumped over him, and onto his back, pinning him down, "You are not killing anyone mister. We are going back to the office, you are going to apologize for threatening your employee, and we are going to have a civil conversation. Do you understand me, mister?"
Blitzø spat out some pebbles, "Yes Ma'am."
"Okay, now any second now, Loona is gonna open the portal back up, and when she does, I'm going to let you stand back up and go through. And don't you dare try to escape." She said, still holding his arms behind his back.
He grumbled some impolite words but said nothing more for a few minutes.
"She's not opening up the portal any time soon, is she?" Blitzø said from the ground.
"No, I don't think she is." She said, letting go of his arms, what are we supposed to do now?"
"Well, for starters you're going to get off my back." Blitzø mumbled into the dirt.
"Oh! Right, yeah." Millie said, before stepping off him.
Blitzø stood up, spitting more dirt from his mouth, "Well, we could try some of that human food that's around here."
Millie thought for a second, "Mmm, are you sure that's safe, sir?"
"Only one way to find out~" He mused, and began walking towards the smell of street vendors.
Not long later, both were back in the alleyway shoving stolen batata vadas into their faces and downing faloodas with blissful reverie.
"So, you ready to talk about your feelings?" Millie spoke with her mouth full.
Blitzø picked up his Falooda and inspected it, "There isn't any alcohol in this, so no. No, I am not."
"Oh, come on, Blitzø. Avoiding this isn't gonna do you any good. Now, spill." She jabbed a spoon in his direction.
"There's nothing to spill! There is no tea here, sister!" Blitzø shook a finger at her.
She sighed, "Look, I know a bit of what it's like to be heart broken."
Blitzø opened his mouth to retort but she continued, "Or at least to be rejected and not understanding why. And no matter how many bouquets I bled for, it was only a temporary fix for the emptiness inside." She placed her hand on Blitzø's chest.
He pushed her hand away, but she continued, "I know it doesn't fix anything, but talking it out really can help. It doesn't have to be me you talk to, but boy, if you don't talk to someone, it's only gonna boil over onto your other relationships . . . Like how you threatened me earlier . . .?"
Blitzø sighed, "I'm sorry, Mills. You're right, that wasn't fair. Ugh, I don't know, I guess I'm just trying to not think about Stolas, but it won't get out of my head. None of it makes any sense. Every time I have more than two minutes alone with my thoughts, something I generally avoid with all the chaos that goes on up there, my mind wanders back over to what the hell happened. I just feel so blindsided. Like one minute, we're fine. Kind of awkward, but fine. And the next, he's done with me? Not that it matters, I mean, we've still got the book. I'm just worried if I'm off my game, is all. Like, am I getting old? Do people not find me attractive anymore? Dumb sh*t It's not a big deal, really. And it's not like I care that he left, it just reminds me of all the other times . . . people have left . . . me." He threw his spoon against the opposite wall and watched it hit the ground.
Blitzø sighed and put his head in his hands, "You'd think I'd be used to people dropping out of my life by now. . . But I guess I'm not."
"Oh Blitzø . . ." She placed a hand on his shoulder, "You know, SallyMay always used to tell me something, 'If they don't stick around for the real and honest you, then they aren't worth fighting for'."
"Yeah, well I'm no mathematician, but with this statistical pattern, I'm pretty sure I'm the problem in the equation." Blitzø took another bite of his batata vadas.
Millie thought for a second, "Hmm, I guess that begs the question then. Are you sure you're showing them the real and honest you? Pardon me for saying so, but you do kind of hide behind your sarcasm and innuendos."
Blitzø looked a little taken aback and maybe even embarrassed, before returning to mild aggression "And you hide behind your f**ktoy of a husband and wrathian accent."
She just stared at him deadpan, ". . . You wanna say that again, Blitzø?"
"F**k, I'm sorry, Mills." He said, bringing his knees to his chest.
She sighed and patted his back, "I know, it's okay."
"I just don't get it. I've gone over the events again and again. Not just that evening, but the events that had led up to it, the most recent text stream, the last full moon night, anything. And it just seems that Stolas was getting more obsessed with me, not less. So I can't be off my game, right?" Blitzø said.
"Maybe not, but-" Millie started.
"No, there has to be something more to it. And why didn't he ask for something else in return instead of the s*xual favors? There isn't much that someone as rich as Stolas couldn't get for himself, but he could've asked me to off a human; a politician or something."
"I don't think he-"
"Or maybe this is all a trap. Stolas is going to call whatever authorities are in charge of things like missing magic books and get me arrested for stealing it. Which was my plan in the beginning, but regardless, I'm was not going back to prison for this sh*t." Blitzø started standing up.
"Oh, for the love- Sit yo *ss down." Millie pulled him back, "You're jumping to conclusions real fast."
"It's hard not too when he left things so widely up to interpretation." Blitzø waved his arms exasperated.
"Well, I wasn't there but I don't think that he plans on getting you arrested." She started mumbling, "There'd be much easier ways of goin' about it if he wanted to."
"Yeah . . . Wait, what?" Blitzø did a double take at her.
"Did he tell you that he never wanted to see you again?" She leaned forward.
Blitzø let his shoulders fall, "Well, no. He actually said that he was grateful to me . . . But I'm sure he was just trying to sugar coat the rejection, thinking I cared."
"Well, if he didn't say to get out of his life for good, then you still have a chance to figure out what's really going on in that head of his. Because you're right, it doesn't make sense for him to just lend you the book, no strings attached, now does it." She nudged him with her elbow.
"No, it doesn't," his eyes went a little wider, "Which means there must still be strings attached. Because it's not really over."
"Yeah!" Millie smiled.
"Because he wants my attention." He grinned.
"Yeah!" She patted his shoulder.
"Because he's trying to make me jealous!"
"Y-yeah?" She looked at him confused.
"Because he's just waiting for me to come crawling back to him, begging to be his side piece again!" Blitzø said, balling his hands into fists.
"Ye- No. No, no that's not what I-" Millie said with a concerned face.
"Ohh-ho-ho. Well, if thats the case, then Stolas has another thing coming. I'll just have to wait this out. Eventually, Stolas will get h*rny again, and then he'll have to come crawling back to me with his feathers between his legs!" Blitzø said with a raging fire in his eyes.
"No, Blitzø, that's not what I-" Millie started, before she was interrupted by the sound of a portal being opened up next to her.
"Ah! Great timing again, Loony!" Blitzø said, gathering up his guns, "Thanks, Mills. You give some really great advice. Would you mind stealing some more food from those street vendors? It was delicious. Thanks!" He said, and zipped through the portal.
"No, Blitzø!" Millie sighed, and looked down, spying a gun he had left behind. She picked it up and just because, pretended to shoot it towards the street. But the safety was off.
"Aw, sh*t." She said, and ran to drag the body into the alleyway before anyone noticed.
Wiping the sweat from her forehead, Millie looked down to see a security badge on the man that said VRM Business Solutions, Kolkata.
"Ha! Lucky shot! A Scammer!" She said, and went out to go steal more human food.
I decided to have only Millie come on this mission because we don't get enough of her in the actual show. Plus, once I thought of the chicken pox joke, I couldn't not use it.
A Fun Fact about this chapter: I had to rewrite it 3 times! Almost 4 times. Originally, they never went to Mumbai. I just had Blitzø scrolling on his phone depressed (something that will happen in the next chapter), and thinking to himself. It was a very short chapter, though, so I was thinking about how I could make it longer. My dear editor then suggested that I could add in a murder spree scene of Blitzø avoiding his feelings, and so I started writing that. The scene started getting longer, and longer, but I was still trying to fit in what I had previously written. In the end though, I had to scrap most of it and postpone whatever was left for a later chapter, as it didn't make sense in the context anymore.
I decided against the murder spree for the exact reason that Millie mentioned. I couldn't think of how they'd be able to get out without being caught and I didn't want it to become another D.H.O.R.K.S. situation (that's a reference to season 1 episode 6, by the way)
I figured having Millie beat his *ss would be just as entertaining.
Then I almost rewrote it a fourth time because my dear editor said that I had Blitzø implying he really cared about Stolas, and that chapter 3 was too early for that, which made sense, but I also wanted him to have an emotional moment with Millie, so I was stumped, but I figured it out by having him almost admit it, but side step his real feelings at the last minute.
So that's what I ended up publishing. Honestly, I'm still not sure if it was the right move, but I enjoyed writing it, and I hope you enjoyed it too.
PS The information of scam callers came from a Youtube video by Mark Rober called Pranks Destroy Scam Callers- Glitterbomb Payback
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