Chapter 22: Bated Breath

Despite being a former trapeze artist, Blitz sure did fall flat on his face a lot. Maybe that was why he could never make it in the circus biz; or at least part of it. Standing up and dusting himself off, he spat the taste of dust out of his mouth and began to look around. It appeared that he was standing by a large park. The grass was dry and nearly dead, disc golf baskets used as substitute trash bins, and the occasional used condom and bullet shell lying on the ground. All in all, probably the nicest park in this entire ring. At least, the nicest park that wasn't gated off for only the rich and high born to visit.

Blitz spotted a park bench by a streetlamp and went over to it. Luckily, the chewed gum was only on the armrest so he sat down avoiding it, and sighed to himself. How in hell did he get in this situation? His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he took it out to see a text from Millie. Right, the picture of the letter he had apparently sent to Stolas. D*mn, were these supposed to be words? And the spelling was awful! You'd think they'd have at least tried to make it look like his handwriting. Overall the letter was decently accurate to how he felt, though he would've worded it differently. And it's not that he had panicked when Stolas said that he loved him, it's that he never heard it. When he ran out on that night, he didn't realize Stolas hadn't seen him leave. He must have kept talking for who knows how long, all for him to be gone when he looked up.

Blitz felt a pang in his heart of guilt and shame, a feeling all too familiar to him by now. He took a deep breath and leaned back on the bench. It was going to be fine. He would make it right. He had to, and by the end of the night, he'd be s**king d**k for his majesty again. And this time, he'd stay til morning. Then breakfast, and dinner, and everyday after that if he had to. Anything to make sure Stolas knew that this time, he would stay. He looked at the letter again and saw that M&M had said he'd be at this park at 10 pm. Blitz checked his phone. Given that it was 9:48 pm, he decided to reread the letter Stolas had written to him.

He recognized some of the lines in it from what Moxxie and Millie had said earlier, the stuff about seeing him everywhere and freezing hell over if he asked. D*mn it, he knew those two were being oddly specific. He looked around to see if anyone was looking. It was late, and only half of the street lights were working. The only other people in the park was a snoring mass in a sleeping bag under a far away tree, and two teenagers who might have been on something, with shovels digging a random hole, shouting about how they were going to dig all the way to Sloth. Despite this, he lifted the letter to his face as discreetly as he could and inhaled the smell from it. Most of it was gone now, but he swore he could smell just a little bit of Stolas's cologne, though he maybe just imagined it. F**k, he missed him. How long had it been since he had felt those smooth feathers? Or secretly listened to the beat of his heart? How long had he loved him, and lied to himself about it?

Did Stolas really love him, too? Could he? It didn't seem even in the realm of possibility, but the words in his letter matched all too well how Blitz had also been feeling in their time apart. What did it matter if he really did? There was no way they could be together. They'd constantly face the verbal diarrhea of the prissy pack rats, and probably not much of a welcome from his fellow mites that live off of them. It was all so stupid. In a world where everyone looked out for just themselves, no one could see how f**ked up the whole charade was.

Blitz checked his phone again. 10 o'clock. He tried playing on his phone, but his mind was too busy to focus on any highscore or even new horse outfits. He began mumbling to himself about what he should say to Stolas when he arrived.

"Hey, uh, it's been awhile, huh?" No, too casual.

"It's nice to see you?" Agh, that made it sound like he believed he'd done nothing wrong.

"I'm really, really glad you came." f**k he didn't want to sound desperate.

"You, uh, thanks for coming." heh heh, that's what she said. D*mnit, focus.

"Hey . . . wanna sit down?" He took a look at the dirty bench beside him, flecked with bird sh*t. This was useless. How the f**k was he going to talk to him if he couldn't even get the greeting right?

Blitz looked at the streetlamp in front of him, and tried to imagine it as a tall, goofy owl. "I'll just get right into it. I am so so sorry. About everything. About trying to steal your book, about pretending I was there to reconnect- ah sh*t, I haven't even apologized for tricking you into helping me rob your parents' castle. I'm sorry for that, and I'm sorry for insulting you on the date Fizz set us up on, I was really insulting myself, to be honest and admitted how I felt about you after, but you walked out before you heard that, which is actually what happened when you told me that you loved me, which, I gotta say, we both seem to leave at exactly the wrong time." he laughed to himself awkwardly, "who uses that trope twice- oh, but I'm going out of order now. Um, I'm also sorry for seducing you so that I could steal your book, and for making you use 'owl shart' as a safe word, telling you that your books on plants and frogs were boring . . . aw f**k, I'm out of order again."

Sighing, he gestured at himself and continued, "Look, I'm a sh*tty person. I was sh*tty from the day I was born and I've only gotten sh*ttier since. Honestly, it's a f**king miracle that you managed to put up with me for as long as you did. I . . . I know I can't take back the past. There are so, so many things I would change if I could. I've hurt so many people, and that's not including the f**ks I kill for a living. Ugh. No, scratch that part.

Placing his elbows on his knees and holding his hands together, Blitz leaned forward, looking down at the groudn, "Point is, I thought that I was, like a curse, or a disease that needed to be cured. So I never let anyone get too close, and for a while, it seemed to work. I got to keep them, and their lives weren't ruined; I thought it was a win-win, but they moved on, and I . . . I was left behind; the consequence of my own actions biting me in the *ss. I was- I've been lonely and it didn't even work. I did hurt them all, in the end, because turns out, they wanted the one thing I refused to give them. The deepest, darkest, dampest, sh*ttiest parts of me. Now, I don't know why you would want to be exposed to that mess, but I don't want to run anymore. I think . . . I think I'm finally ready to fight for what I want. And what I want is . . . is you. I don't know how we'd make it work but . . . I don't care what we have to face, if you would just let me . . ." He sighed again, closing his eyes, "Let me stay by your side, in whatever way you can allow . . . I will stay because . . . because I love-"

The words stopped suddenly, as Blitz had opened his eyes, still looking down, to see a shadow on the ground of a slim figure standing in front of him. The breath caught in his throat, and he swallowed, throat dry. He looked up. He was going to ask how long he had been standing there. He was going to ask how much of that had he heard. He was going to ask if he should start over. He was going to apologize if the confession was sloppy, it was only supposed to be a practice round. He was going to run directly into his feathery arms, and take in that familiar scent that he had missed so much. He was going to finish that sentence.

But he didn't. Because where he expected to see a tall, beautiful bird, a predator of the night, keeper of the stars, Stolas, his Stolas, he instead saw the old man who had gotten out of his sleeping bag, and came to listen to him ramble.

"Oh, yes! Stay with me forever-!" The man began, and was about to hug Blitz, when he shoved him off.

"Get lost creep! I'm waiting for someone!" Blitz sat back down as the man slinked away.

He checked his phone. 10:12 pm

D*mn it was cold out. He wished he had brought something warmer, but for now, all he could do was wait.

— — —

If Stolas's mansion was cold, then Andrealphus's was absolutely frigid. Yes, he had ice powers and that was certainly a part of it, but it was also the icy stares from the disapproving oil paintings on the walls. The staff shivered in their uniforms that seemed purposefully ill suited for the environment, and they quaked even more when they were approached, looking absolutely terrified. One even had a white scar across xyr face, in exactly the shape of a hand print.

Stolas walked in and did his best to seem as benign to the staff as possible, though it didn't seem to help. He was led to a large office, blue stained glass windows on every wall, the main one depicting Andrealphus himself creating snow, imps and hellhounds bowing at his feet. The silver trim on the desk looked especially gaudy with a snobby swan sitting at it, a devilish look in her eye.

"Hello, Stella." Stolas approached her, "Would you mind telling me why-"

She held a finger up, as she took a sip of her tea for a few painfully long seconds. She was making it clear that she was the one in control of this situation, "That'll be all. Go make yourself useful somewhere else."

Stolas was completely taken aback, and was about to shout something rude when a little voice from behind him said, "Yes, your majesty." and the imp servant who guided him here left the room, closing the door behind xem.

"What? You said this was a private matter didn't you? I can respect your privacy." She spun an expensive fountain pen in her fingers.

"Since when?" Stolas mumbled to himself.

Stella heard and responded, "Ugh . . . Aren't I allowed to be nice every once in a while? This divorce business has been dreadful. And boring."

"Oh, I see." Stolas sat down in one of the chairs across from her, "Andrealphus asked you to be nicer to me for another one of his plots. Well, it won't do anything. I know exactly who and what you are!"

Stella stood up and leaned over the table, "And what is that exactly?"

Stolas opened his beak to speak, then closed it, and said instead, "I don't have time for this. What I need right now is for you to explain this photo to me."

He pulled out his phone, and placed it on the desk between them. Stella leaned over, not touching it, and looked at the picture and grinned, "Oh, my, that looks very suspicious."

"Stop with the f**king games Stella! I want the original, and all the copies you have of this, and I want them now. Why are you even dragging them into this?" Stolas shouted, feeling the most angry he'd ever been at her.

"Oh calm your s**sy t*tties. How can you even tell what's in that picture? It's just blurs. Now here's a proper blackmail photo." She pulled a Polaroid out of the bottom desk drawer and placed it out in front of him.

Stolas picked it up, and saw a photo of Blitz's daughter, Loona and his own daughter. The two of them were crouched next to a fake bush, Via peering into the window of the building, Loona holding a walkie-talkie. He didn't want to imagine what stories a tabloid journalist could cook up when taking this out of context. With a snap of his fingers, he set the photograph on fire, and glared at Stella as it blazed between his fingers.

"Oh no, that was the only copy! What ever shall I do?" Stella mocked.

Stolas's feathers puffed up, "How much of an insane, petty, heartless bitc-"

"You are overreacting." Stella examined her nails.

He stood and slammed his hands on the desk, "SHE IS YOUR DAUGHTER!"

"AND YOU WERE MY HUSBAND!" Stella stood as well, "All you had to do was keep your beak shut, and keep the higher-ups happy, but you" she poked his chest, "had to f**k it all up!"

"That is no reason to expose our daughter to the indiscriminate cruelty of the media!"

"You exposed her the moment you let that disgusting imp into our bed!" Stella stomped away from the desk and turned to face the window.

"I was the one who slept with someone else. I was the one who broke the marriage agreement." Stolas defended.

"And yet I seem to remember her telling me she hears whispers about our family at school, and is being treated the worse for it." Stella turned around an took a step towards him.

Stolas took a step back, "Y-your lying. She would've told me."

She came further towards him, "Hardly. I tried to teach her to rely on only herself, but she still wound up as soft as you. You have always been a poison to her, long before your affair."

"When you say teach her, you mean you ignored and neglected her." Stolas held his ground.

"Only when she was being a whiny brat." Stella took another step, "And I wasn't lying, her principal even spoke with me about it. Why would I lie when the truth is so much better?"

Stolas swallowed, he knew she wasn't lying. That was the thing about Stella. She may be dumb as a brick, but her mind was a steel trap for any information she could use to torment another person with. All of her mocking was either entirely true or just exaggerated, but never a lie.

"Well, thank you for informing me," His tone was filled with acid, "Now why are you trying to cause her more pain?"

"Collateral damage, sweetheart." She grinned, close to him now, she reached up and touched his face, "You know you're my target. I'm not going to reveal Andrealphus's plan, but by the end of it, I can assure you, everyone will know just how worthless you are.

He shoved her hand away. What could he do? He could beg on his knees and she still wouldn't give up the photo. Then it came to him, he just had to play on the one thing she cared about.

"Alright, fine have it your way. If you're so determined to expose yourself as an incompetent mother."

" . . . what?" Stella's face froze in confusion

"Yes well, I'm already seen as unfit to be a prince, but she isn't just my daughter, is she? If you decide to print that picture with whatever slander you decide to add to it . . . I won't be the only one implicated, will I?" He let the thought hang in the air, and watched her face scrunch up in annoyance, then rage, then thoughtfulness, and a dozen other expressions, all with an underlying tone of confusion.

"Fine." She said, and walked back behind the desk and sat down.

". . . Fine? You'll destroy all the copies? And the original?" Stolas asked, hopefully.

"No. But, I won't print it . . . for now at least. But you gave me some free advice, so I'll give you some as well," She pointed a sharp fingernail at him, "You better enjoy the time you have left with those you care about, because your days of doing whatever the f**k you want, are numbered."

Stella picked up her tea and turned to look out the window, signifying that the conversation was over. "Yes, um . . . thank you, Stella. F-for seeing reason." was all he could say and he quickly left the room.

Closing the door behind him, Stolas leaned back against it and sighed. He then noticed the little imp who helped guide him to the room earlier, standing nervously beside him.

"You didn't hear any of that did you?" Stolas leaned down to be as close to eye level with xem as he comfortably could.

"A-all of it, sir. . .?" xe quaked.

Stolas snorted, "I appreciate your honesty, Roman."

"Y-y-you know my name, sir?" xe asked.

"Of course! You were once one of my servants, too, before Stella and I separated. I am sorry . . . That you drew one of the short straws." Stolas said with a sympathetic smile.

Xe didn't reply verbally, only nodded.

"Aw, right," Stolas remembered, "yes, the walls are paper thin here, aren't they? Well, I hope you are doing well."

He began to walk back the way he came, when heard xyr voice again, "Your majesty?"

"Yes?" he turned back to xem.

Xe fidgeted and looked about nervously, "For most of my time serving you, you referred to me and the other servants as 'pardon me' on good days, and 'hey you' on your worse ones. When did you . . . ?" xe trailed off.

Stolas smiled shyly and blushed, "I'm sorry about tha-"

"No need, your highness. It was still much better than what . . . um . . . Some people called us. I just wanted to know what changed." xe appeared to remember xemself, and bowed deeply, "if it's not too much to ask of your majesty."

Stolas smiled, more understanding this time, "I see. I suppose . . . I just learned a little bit about the other perspective."

And with that, he left the icy castle.

— — —

Hell's nights weren't freezing, but it was certainly colder than during the day. Blitz thought for the fifth time about how much he wished he had brought a jacket. He knew pretty much what he wanted to say, and would improvise the rest, so his mind began to look for something else to pass the time.

It was unusual for Stolas to be late for anything. Not only did his portals reduce the commute time to literally nothing, he also seemed to prioritize. . . promptness? Timeliness? He valued being on time for things. Blitz had asked him why once. And Stolas had told him that he hadn't really thought about it, it was just something he was raised to do as it wasn't princely to be late.

"Besides," he had said, "It's not so much prioritizing my time, as it is valuing the time of others. . . . Not every demon lives as long as I do, you know." He had smiled, but looked so pained as he said it. Blitz hadn't thought much of it at the time; it was really early into their full moon arrangement. How long did Goetias live for?

There were quite a few things he didn't actually know about Stolas. How old was he? How did his higher set of eyes work in his hair, and in his hat? He had said he had responsibilities with the book, but what did they actually involve? Blitz wanted to know it all, the good and the bad. And all he wanted to do was ask, to see him again, and so he would keep waiting.

He checked the time again.

10:24 pm

Exhausting all other available trains of thought, he ended up letting himself do something dangerous. He imagined what life might be like with Stolas by his side. They could have movie nights, and dinner dates, and do normal, couple things. Sh*t, Stolas might have expensive taste in foods, and Blitz couldn't afford much or cook to save his life. He didn't mind the idea of his partner paying for most things, be they man, woman, or neither. His masculinity didn't depend on it, but he did want to find ways to treat Stolas, in more than just favors in the bedroom. But Stolas always seemed so easy to please, saying that just time together was precious to him. Still, Blitz didn't want to repeat mistakes he'd made in the past, like being a taker and never a giver as he had been with Verosika, in an attempt to push her away.

What were the chances of them moving in together? Stolas would probably die with just one night in Blitz's tiny, one bedroom apartment. Would he live in the mansion? If he did, some changes would have to be made, starting with adding some horse stables. Stolas wouldn't mind a few horses, right? Blitz could show him just how amazing they were, and they could ride them together. They could hire a stable boy or stable master to help with upkeep. Although, it would be weird to order servants around. And they would probably feel weird serving another imp and his hellhound daughter. Did Stolas really need so many servants? They could decide to lay them off, and give them a nice severance package, then again, even with severance pay, they would still be out of a job. And they might still need the help. The mansion was so big, he couldn't imagine trying to clean it all with just four people. They could keep those who wanted to stay on, and then only let go of the others once they had a new job lined up.

Loona would probably love to have more privacy. They could probably afford a second car, so she could visit her friends whenever she wanted. Then again, with all that money, she may not want to stay . . .

When she turned 18, Loona had asked him if she could move out, if she saved up the money from her job at I.M.P. to afford her own place; something about not being stuck with a oversized, vain, dumb*ss kid forever. Blitz had told her that despite what the papers might say, she wasn't his possession. And that she could leave whenever she wanted. He could probably scrounge together enough money in a few months to help her get her own place. But she insisted she would pay for it herself. It had been four and a half years now though, and she hadn't brought it up since, and seemed to regularly buy herself new things, mainly to decorate her room. Still, she might not be comfortable living with Octavia and Stolas, and though she took issue with using his money, she might not mind so much if it was Stolas's.

Oh, sh*t, Via. Would that mean Blitz would have two daughters? He doubted it. Even if by some miracle he and Stolas managed to get married in any legal way, Via would probably never accept him as a father. He couldn't blame her for the grudge she held against him. If, hypothetically, his mom had cheated on his dad, that would be one thing. But if his dad cheated on his mom . . .

Then again, Octavia seemed to have a very different relationship with her parents than Blitz had with his. Stolas had told him once that Octavia had encouraged him to keep trying to win over Blitz. Was that true? It must've been an exaggeration, right?

Blitz shivered a little, and looked at his old boots; bloodstained and worn. It felt like a disgrace that he had walked on the marble floors of that mansion in them. His heart sank in his chest. Who was he kidding? They'd never even get to the moving in together stage. Stolas would eventually see that he had gotten more baggage than he had bargained for, and Blitz would be alone again. And even if Stolas asked him to move in with him . . . While he yearned to wake up next to Stolas everyday, he couldn't stand the thought of waking up in that pristine mansion each morning, even the walls mocking him, telling him he didn't belong.

He was staring at his old, drabby boots, when he heard a portal open in front of him, and he looked up expectantly.

"Hey, Blitz." Loona said as she stepped through, wearing a jacket, and holding the book.

"Oh, it's you." He sunk back down.

"Try not to act too disappointed." She joked walking towards him.

"How'd ya find me here?" Blitz asked, suddenly feeling very tired.

"Millie texted me." She nudged his boot with her foot, "Time to go."

"What?!" Blitz asked, startled, "But I'm waiting for-"

"The prince." Loona interrupted, "Yeah, I know. But . . . It's late, you know? We should get back."

Blitz chuckled a little, "What do you mean? There's still time. It's only-" he pulled out his phone and read the time. "Oh."

"Yeah." Loona said, grimacing at his pain.

"Stolas isn't coming, is he?" Blitz wrapped his tail around himself.

". . . No." Loona confirmed.

"He . . . Doesn't want to see me." Blitz said.

"I . . . I guess not." Loona put her hands in her pockets.

"He . . . He's moved on." Blitz bit his lip, feeling hot tears in his eyes.

"I don't know. . . But maybe I'm wrong, maybe he just forgot!" She said hurriedly.

"No." Blitz shook his head and laughed, holding back tears, "He may be a birdbrain, but . . . If he wanted to be here, he would've come."

Loona looked at him, at how small he looked, and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, "It's cold out. We should go home."

Blitz shook his head again, "I won't leave this time."

Loona sighed, "Blitz-"

"I won't run away this time! I won't!" He shouted, and curled up into a tiny ball on the bench.

A moment past, Loona unsure what to do, when Blitz spoke again, in a hollow whisper, ". . . Please, just- . . . Ten more minutes. You don't have to stay here, but I just need to stay for ten more minutes. . . Okay?"

His eyes dropped tears, and he buried his face in his arms, trying to hide them.

Loona sighed again, "Alright." She sat down on the bench next to him, and rubbed his back, looking up at the sky, "ten more minutes."

—-

Authors note

Vik here to apologize for the drama I just put you through. If you want less drama and more cute Solas x Blitz fluff, come back tomorrow and read the Winter Holiday Special. It'll be broken up into 2 chapters and it'll be on another story, so you have to go to my profile page and see the other works I've written to find it. Just a little more complicated, but I promise it's worth it. It's cute, it's long, and it's full of fan service. Just the break you and I both need from all this angst. And if you're reading this from the future, not on the day this chapter was published, then it's already there! Go read it, and then come back to this emotional as hell story which the more I write, because a lot more hurt and a lot less comfort haha

Thanks so much to all the people who have been leaving kudos, favorites, adding this story to their library, bookmarks, following, and whatever else they use to describe supporting a story. Especially thank you to those who have attempted to share it with a friend. It really means a lot. Christmas is days away, and my holiday wish is for you to share my writing with someone you know who likes helluva or hazbin hotel. I'm not saying to pester your friends if you have already, lol just if you haven't yet.

I've also added a new 'request' option to my ko-fi page. (According to some commission is a bad word, legally speaking, on this website). So if you want me to write you something not fandom related, like a letter or a short script or something, you can go check that out. Okay, that's enough self promotion, onto the details of making this chapter.

When I read the ol' switcheroo of expectations from Stolas to the old man in the park to my dear editor they just kept saying "D*mn you, I'm mad at you." Over and over. Yeah, I don't play nice. I hit where it hurts. I love/hate authors who do it to me, so I gotta do it back, it's only fair. Also, my editor pointed out that Blitz's line about needing ten more minutes could be interpreted as wanting to wait just a little longer, just in case Stolas comes, or as needing ten minutes to cry before going home. Which is heartbreaking! Why would they say that!? Now it's even sadder!

I thought about naming this chapter Cold and Dormant, but then I found a website entitled 'Top 10 idioms for waiting' and waiting with bated breath came up, and it was just too perfect.

Also, this chapter takes the award for the one that made me go back and reread my previous chapters for reference. I had to remember what was written in Both Stolas's letter, and M&M's fake letter to Stolas from Blitz. And then I also needed to remember what I have said about Stella and Octavia's relationship in the past, because there isn't anything canonical to go off of in the show (at least as of writing this), so I knew I made something up for them when Via and Loona talked about it, but I couldn't remember what, as that's weeks ago now. And then I also reread bits of other chapters trying to figure out which ones contained the scenes I was looking for.

Honestly, going back to read chapter seven, I think I would've made some different choices. I thought of another joke I could add in, found a grammar mistake, and the relationship I described between Via and Stella, was vague, but still nicer than I think Stella actually would've been. If I were to write it again, I would've made it seem like Stella was more neglectful of her daughter. She definitely gives off the 'I was forced to be a mother, and instead of doing the best I could anyway, I just straight up ignored my child's wants and needs, and did whatever the f**k I wanted' vibes. I don't know why I thought she would be at all nice to Via. Maybe because I really didn't want Via to have had to gone through even more trauma. Despite what it seems, there are some characters that I desperately want to protect from harm, especially if there's not going to be some big pay off where they heal from it (at least mostly) in the end. Be that as it may, it's what I wrote and I strive for consistency, so I kinda side stepped a little from Stella being nice to Via and turned it to only nice when it was convenient to Via.

This will hopefully be the saddest scene of this story. So, if you are so done with it being sad . . . honestly, same. Like, who gave me the right to do this to some of my favorite characters? I can't guarantee it'll be free of all sad moments, but there are some fun times coming up. Stay tuned!