Chapter 27: Jailbreak
We're back, Baby!
Because I know you're going to ask, my favorite song from the Hazbin Hotel season 1 episodes I've seen is a tie between Looser Baby and Hell's Greatest Dad, with Stayed Gone close behind. Respectless is the one that won't get out of my head though lol.
— — —
VikTheViking on Ao3 Quotev and ko-fi
VikTheViking1 on Tumblr and Wattpad
If you like this story, please Follow/Fav and leave a review on it to show your support! Check out my other Helluva/Hazbin works. And consider following me on Tumblr for giving your input on polls and more Helluva Boss content. Your encouragement is what keeps the chapters coming.
Moxxie walked into the prison visitor center confidently wearing a cheap neon orange afro wig, his actual hair poking out the back. He adjusted his fake glasses, and strode confidently with a little white purse, carrying a cardboard box half his size.
"Name, prisoner name and number, and reason for visit." The guard behind the glass at the counter croaked out. He was an imp with a goatee and smelled like cigarettes and nihilism.
"Oh, you know," Moxxie did his best valley girl impression, "just dropping off some goodies for my boyfriend. It's his birthday and I wanted him to feel special."
"Name, prisoner name and number." The guard repeated the first two instructions.
"Anita." He signed, "Anita Dick."
The guard looked up, "Anita Dick? You're sure about that?"
Moxxie grumbled, "It starts with a silent Q." Satan, why did Blitz pick such a dumb name? Stalling for time was one thing, but something had to be said for rousing suspicion.
"Mhm. Prisoner name and number?" the guard simply asked again.
"Mike Rotchburns, 5318008." He said.
"Mike Rotchburns." The guard raised an eyebrow.
"Yes." He said.
"Mike. Rotchburns." He said more slowly.
"Yes, that's his name."
"My crotch burns? Really?" He said.
Moxxie gasped with maximum drama, "Sir, it is entirely inappropriate for you to tell me that, where is your supervisor?"
"On a smoke break. Ma'am, can you pass the box through the opening?" As he spoke, a part of the glass opened up.
He passed it through.
It was then that he finally saw Blitz crawling across the ceiling with plungers like a f**king cartoon. The problem with this strategy is that everytime he lifted a hand or foot, a big pop sound echoed in the room.
"Huh?" The man started looking up.
"Wait!" Moxxie shouted at him without thinking.
Great, he was looking at him. Now what?
"Th-the box. It contains some . . . Sensitive objects. Any chance you can . . . Not look in it?" He asked.
He looked at him with a deadpan look, ". . . You're kidding, right-"
Pop!
"Oh, don't worry about that sound. It's my text alert." He said hurriedly, "Anyway, can't you just wave your little scanner thing over it, and call it a day?"
"The scanner can only tell basic materials, it can't tell me other things, like how sharp an object might be. Besides, I've seen it all. Printed out dick pics, toenail clippings, used underwear, severed heads, you name it." He said and started opening the box.
"What if I . . . sweeten the deal?" Moxxie said, and opened the little handbag.
Pop!
"I take my job very seriously. That's not going to work on me." He replied.
Pop! Pop!
"You don't know how much I'm offering." Moxxie faked a grinned.
Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop!
" . . . That's an awful lot of texts you're getting." He said.
"Oh, it's just my husband, he worries too much." Moxxie shrugged.
" . . . Your husband? Weren't you here to bring things to your boyfriend?" He eyed him.
Pop!
Sh*t, "Don't judge me. It's an open marriage." Moxxie crossed his arms, trying to act like a high and mighty karen, but more gave the impression of a wannabe pageant queen.
He shrugged and opened the box, but before he could look inside there was another Pop! Pop! Pop!
He looked up, "I swear that's coming from aboooooove. Oh shit."
Blitz just stared back for a second before shouting, "Now, Millie!"
Millie jumped out of the box, holding a small ball in her hand. The officer looked shocked as she pulled the pin.
A blast of hot pink smoke burst out, filling the room. Loud popping filled the air, partially from wild gunshots, and partially from Blitz scurrying across the ceiling as quick as he could. Millie jumped over the glass barrier and landed next to Moxxie, "Run!"
They both ran out of there fast, dodging guards and spotted Loona on the inside of the metal fence, like she said she would be, casually checking her phone, "Loona!" They both shouted, and she looked up to see them running over and pocketed the phone. She picked them up one at a time and launched them over the fence, before jumping over in a single bound. Millie dived into the open passenger side window as Moxxie hopped in the back. Loona slammed on the gas before Moxxie had even closed the van door, "Did he make it?" she asked as she swerved around the corner.
"Well, he made it past the front. Let's just focus on getting us out of here." Moxxie replied.
"We gave him the best shot we could. You know him Loona, he'll get the prince out of there in no time." Millie put a comforting hand on her shoulder as they sped away from the cops.
— — —
Blitz was pushed into his new cell and stumbled as the guard slammed the bars behind him, the sound echoing in the cement halls. The cell block was surprisingly small and empty, so it must have just been a holding area and the long term prisoners would be elsewhere. Still, this cell was just as cold and dark as any other he had been in. Once again he was locked in a prison wearing a grotesquely bright orange jumpsuit, a color that did not do him any favors. It had been embarrassingly easy for them to catch him. Once he had made it past the pink smoke, a guard who had heard the ruckus came around the corner, and simply grabbed his tail and pulled him off the ceiling. Like it was a string hanging down from a lightbulb. How stupid could he be to forget something as basic as tucking his tail up?
He let out a long, "F***********k." And sighed.
"Blitzy? Is that really you?" A familiar voice spoke from the cell next to his.
Blitz looked up suddenly, to see a beautiful bird in a similar orange jumpsuit, that was a bit too small for him, sitting on his cot and looking at him surprised, "Stolas?!"
Stolas walked over to the bars and pressed his face to them, "It's me!" He said, surprisingly chipper for someone who spent the last two days in jail.
Blitz rushed over and gave that stupid bird face of his a big old kiss, "Mwah! Boy am I glad to see you!"
"I feel the same, but what are you doing here?! Please tell me you didn't purposefully get yourself thrown in here just for me." Stolas looked worried.
"Pfft, nah! I came here to rescue you!" Blitz stood tall, then bent over sheepishly, "It uh, didn't go according to plan."
Stolas couldn't help but giggle a bit, "I see. Did they tell you how long you'll have to be in here?"
"Just overnight." Blitz said, deciding not to mention that they had laughed their *sses off at his pathetic attempt to break in, and shortened his stay considerably because he was quote not a threat.
"I see, well, that's good to hear." Stolas said, though it was obvious by his face that he was a little conflicted as he also wanted the company, "How's Via."
"Good. Well, bad. But she's staying with us right now. Loona's been really looking out for her." Blitz explained.
That surprised Stolas, "Oh? Really? Stella didn't give you any trouble?"
"Surprisingly, no." Blitz seemed to think for a moment, "Kinda suspicious how happy she seemed at the thought, now that I think about it. . . But that's an issue for later."
"R-right." Stolas said, stiff.
"Relax! First we've gotta work on getting you out of here. So I'm thinking, when they come to release me in the morning-"
Stolas held out a hand, "Let me stop you right there, darling. While I do appreciate my knight in shining armor coming to my aid," he put a hand under his chin and tilted it up, "staying in here is the best thing for me right now."
"What?!" Blitz shouted, pushing his hand away.
"Think about it, Blitz! If I escaped, what then? I'd just be on the run from the police for eternity? I'm a public figure and people would recognize my face. I wouldn't be able to see Via without endangering her, or you for that matter." Stolas saw the thinly veiled despair on Blitz's face, and sighed, "Look, I want me out of here as much as you do, but running away isn't the right answer here. You understand, don't you?"
Blitz had moved away from the bars and had his arms crossed, back turned, ". . . You're wrong."
"Pardon?" Stolas asked, unsure if he heard him right.
"You're wrong!" Blitz cried, turning to face him, tears running down his face, "I want you- need you out of here way more than you do!"
Blitz walked over and pulled one of Stolas's hands off the bar and held it in both of his. He touched the hand to his forehead and Stolas felt wet tears drip onto him, "I finally got you back . . . Why does it have to be this way? Why does this always happen. . . I really am the worst of bad luck charms."
"Blitzy . . ." Stolas reached with his other hand and pet one of Blitz horns, "Blitzy, don't say that! That's not true-"
"But it is!" Blitz lifted his head to look him in the eye, but quickly turned away as it brought too much guilt, "You wouldn't be stuck in here if I wasn't-" he choked on his words.
"What? A part of my life? Alive? Ever born?" Stolas sounded a little angry, now.
He grabbed Blitz by the collar and pulled him closer, "Listen here, you adorable idiot, you are not to wish such things ever again, lest I have to remind you that other than Via, you are the best thing that ever happened to me! I wouldn't trade anything, and I mean anything, for getting to have you in my life. I will bear any hardship, any burden, to be with you. Do I make myself clear?"
Wiping his eyes, and holding back more tears, Blitz nodded.
"Good." Stolas smiled gently, and slowly let Blitz go, "Now, do you have any idea as to why I'm in here?"
"Wait, you don't know?" Blitz sniffled, looking confused.
"No," Stolas sighed, "It seems they're not required to tell me much of anything."
"No, yeah, that's about right." Blitz nodded thoughtfully, "It seems your being accused of . . . attempted terrorism?"
"Terrorism?! What on earth gave them that idea?" Stolas sat on the ground, processing.
Blitz followed, "Yeah, well apparently some photos were leaked and . . . I don't really know all the details myself, but you're supposed to be in court on Friday."
"Hmm. . ." Stolas appeared to be thinking.
"If it helps, all the evidence seems circumstantial at best." Blitz offered.
"Yes, but circumstantial is all they'll need if they've paid off the judge." Stolas replied.
"Ah. Right." Blitz said.
An awkward silence passed for a moment before Stolas looked at him suddenly, "Wait, they didn't publish any pictures with Via, did they?!"
Blitz took a sharp inhale, "Yeah they did . . . I'm sorry."
Stolas looked down at his hands fidgeting in his lap, "B-But . . . We spoke on the phone. Wh-why didn't she t-tell me? Wh-why didn't she-"
"Hey." Blitz said gently, lifting up his face to look in his teary eyes, brushing back his feathers, "We're going to make it through this, okay? I'm not going to let you go through this alone. . . I promise."
They pressed their foreheads together and stayed like that for a while. The rest of the night, they talked about everything and nothing. They talked about their dreams of what the future could look like for them, how a pelican's beak expands, how they can bond with each other's children, why cheese and hot sauce is the best snack and not weird at all, how they grew up, and what their most embarrassing moments as teenagers were. They started getting uncomfortable on the floor so they moved the cots right next to each other. There were only a few metal bars between them now, and so they laid there talking about the deep things that they never had before, until the sun came up.
Author's Note:
Hi guys! Vik here. This will be the first chapter I ever posted late. It's almost midnight and thus Thursday as I type this, and it's probably already past midnight for many of my readers. Sorry! In my defense, Hazbin Hotel came out during my 1 week hiatus, and the last two episodes of season one are coming out tomorrow and I am so hyped, so yeah I got a little distracted . . . And I struggled a little with this chapter. I figured I only needed to plan scenes up to the hiatus because then I'd have time, but two weeks goes by fast, man.
I did publish a HuskerDust one-shot during the hiatus so if you haven't read it yet, go do so now! To those who came here from one of those, welcome to my unhinged brain thoughts mildly filtered by an editor! We have fun here. And to those who have read it already, thank you so much! Honestly, none of my works have gotten so many views so fast. It's probably because the hype for the show is very active right now, and some of you guys checked it out after I mentioned it on Tumblr. It's so nice to have people who like my work. Thank you all so much!
I also posted that tumblr poll about what to write next and uh . . . Now I have more problems than I started with. The good news is that more people want Good Omens than Fizzmodeus so that part is narrowed down. The bad news is that I added "Something Hazbin" as another option just cause, not thinking many people would want that. I was uh, very naive.
In my defense, when I posted it, the first season wasn't out yet! But the vague answer of 'something hazbin' did win, just barely beating Good Omens. Of course, Hazbin Hotel includes a lot of ships, a lot of potential storylines, and a lot of characters. Still, it's not hard to guess what most of the people want. Angel Dust x Husk is very popular, and I love them too, hence the two one-shots I've already written of them. The problem is that I can't, for the life of me, think of a single HuskerDust storyline that lasts longer than a one or two-shot! Maybe with these last two episodes that will change? But honestly, I hope not because, as I've said, ultimately the decision on what to write is up to me, which brings me to the second problem.
I have a great idea for a Ineffable Husbands story AND a great idea for a Vaggie x Charlie story! I know that Vaggie x Charlie is not nearly as popular. ( F/F never is T.T) But I've got the beginnings of a plot timeline for both stories and I'm struggling to decide. Of course the toss up is between two stories of angel and demon love stories (I mean this in the way that Charlie acts like a total sweet angel).
My editor loves the ineffable husbands idea, but is also always down for lesbian and sapphic love stories. I'd say what the different stories would be but I also want it to be a surprise! I'm so conflicted! Ah! I guess I'll let you know when I make a decision, but please do tell me your thoughts in the comments/reviews/whatever they call them on the website/app you're reading this on.
For this chapter, I had to toss out a whole scene at the start because it really didn't seem necessary, and a whole second half to the second scene that I had to cut short since I didn't have time. I may decide to have a Chapter 27 part two to include them both on. Do be warned though, they will both be entirely unedited so if it sucks, that's why.
Anyway, glad to be able to give you all another chapter. I hope I made you smile :)
See ya next week!
— — —
VikTheViking on Ao3 Quotev and ko-fi
VikTheViking1 on Tumblr and Wattpad
If you like this story, please Follow/Fav and leave a review on it to show your support! Check out my other Helluva/Hazbin works. And consider following me on Tumblr for giving your input on polls and more Helluva Boss content. Your encouragement is what keeps the chapters coming.