Chapter 28: Courtiers at Court

(The tiniest little spoiler for Hazbin Hotel season 1 episode 5, that you've probably seen online already. Just about an obsession Lucifer has. If you don't want to read it, just skip the note from Lucifer part.)

The courtroom was silent as no one dared to speak. Reporters could be heard from outside, speculating about what was going on, but no one in the room spoke a word. Stella had wanted the courtroom full of onlookers, so that they, too, could witness the look on Stolas's face when he was sentenced to eternity imprisonment, if not worse. More importantly, so they could see her victorious, and praise her as she deserved. Andrealphus, however, had made sure that it would be a private affair. They had enough public affairs as it was, and it was always best to air on the side of caution. The only thing recording what was happening in the courtroom was a video camera, and that could be easily tampered with, so long as things didn't get too out of hand.

He had let the little imps and the hellhound girl from the IMP business, though. Even the Lord of Lust himself and his toy were sitting in the second row. He had invited them as witnesses. This had put them on edge, as they still hadn't quite put together what was exactly happening. Honestly, it was difficult being the only demon with an intellectual mind in all the nine rings, but it did come in handy for moments like this.

The judge was, of course, another Goetia; a pheasant man who looked to be in his mid 40s (human years). It was hard to find a judge that wasn't a Goetia, but it wouldn't have mattered much if it wasn't. Money was money no matter who you were. And if a Goetia actually had to get a job, even one that was respected like being a judge, it meant they weren't doing well. This particular judge had been given half his payment upfront, so he had better give Stolas a guilty verdict, else he'd have more than just a little money trouble to deal with.

"All rise for the honorable Judge Trent Wagstaff." A hellhound officer spoke and a loud snort was heard throughout the room.

All eyes turned on Blitz who was still sitting in his chair, hand over his mouth.

"Do you have something you'd like to say, Mr. . . .?" The judge began.

"Blitz. Just Blitz. The o is silent. And no, sir. Nothing comes to mind. My sincerey-est of apologies." He said, standing with everyone else and giving a perfect formal bow.

Stolas looked at Blitz, who had just a few minutes earlier been arguing with his lawyer until he had let them sit next to each other up front. This was the first time he had seen Blitz treat anyone with respect; let anyone hold authority over him. How had he learned that bow? He must have gone out of his way to learn it, just for this occasion.

Blitz felt eyes on him, so he looked up at Stolas and gave him a wink. Stolas felt his eyes well up with tears in gratitude. . . But now was not the time.

"Court is now in session. You may be seated." The hellhound officer said, and all sat.

"Good morning, everyone. As you heard, I am Justice Herman. Prosecution council, would you please introduce yourselves."

Andrealphus stood, dressed in a white business suit, that really wasn't his style but was more fitting for the occasion than his usual attire.

"Andrealphus ars Goetia, your honor. I will be representing the Pride ring in this case."

"Hang on!" Blitz stood and all eyes turned to him, "Since when were you a lawyer?!"

Andrealphus sneered at the interruption "Since I got my degree a few decades ago. I didn't really need it, of course, as I had no need to earn money," he gloated, "but I felt it was time that I do my civic duty in this case, so I came out of retirement."

"Bullsh*t! How can this be a fair trial when you are so clearly biased?!" Blitz shouted again.

The judge interjected, "Mr. Blitz! The assignment of who should represent the Pride ring in this case has been carefully considered and Andrealphus was found to be the most qualified. Now you will either sit down and be quiet, or you will be asked to leave the courtroom. Do I make myself clear?"

Blitz fell into his seat, looking irritated at the wall as he crossed his arms.

"Good, now we can move forward." The judge said.

Blitz leaned back in his chair to whisper to Moxxie and Millie, who were sitting just behind him on benches that were actually pews, but that sounded way too churchy for hell.

"Hey. Why did Andrealph-ass get a law degree and never plan to use it?" He whispered to them as his chair teetered on the verge of falling.

Moxxie leaned forward, one hand cupping his mouth, "It's a sign of their family's intelligence and wealth that they can get an education just for the sake of it."

"Oooooh, bragging rights. Got it." Blitz whispered back and then leaned forward, stabilizing his chair.

"The defense, would you please introduce yourselves?" The judge waved an arm in their direction.

Stolas's defense lawyer stood. She was a young woman, probably fresh out of law school. Possessor demons came in all sorts of aquatic forms, some were eels, some were fish, and this woman was a stingray. Fin flaps extended on the sides of her head and her eyes were angled sideways and so far apart that she turned her head to be able to look at the judge as she spoke.

"I am Makenzie Durham, the d-defense lawyer for Mr. Stolas a-ars Goetia."

Stolas tried to be hopeful as his defense lawyer stood shaking beside him.

"And he is. . .?" The judge asked.

"Oh, right, yes! That is Mr. Blitz the-o-is-silent," she said the sentence like it was his last name, "and he is my client's, u-uh-, boyfriend?"

Stolas blushed and turned to Blitz who had switched his chair around so it was backwards as his legs straddled it. He gave the judge a 'rock on' hand gesture, as cocky as ever, "Sup."

It seemed Blitz's idea of being respectful was still . . . somewhat lacking.

The judge just rolled his eyes and continued, "Are there any issues the council wants to raise before we get started?" He paused, "No? Alright, then. This is the case of Stolas v Pride. Stolas ars Goetia: it is charged that he has been conspiring for many months to assassinate Lucifer King of Hell, and involved his daughter, a minor in said activities."

Via who had been sitting by Loona, Ozzie and Fizz, stood suddenly, "What the f*ck?!"

"Via . . ." Stolas turned and looked at her confused and enraged face.

"Please control your emotions, dear, or we will have to throw you out of the courtroom." The judge said coldly.

Via crossed her arms and sat down, and Loona quietly patted her shoulder and whispered something quiet and comforting.

The judge continued, "Very good, now, Stolas ars Goetia, how do you plead?"

Stolas stood from his chair slowly, "Um, not guilty, your honor." Then he sat back down. He felt his hand being grabbed and looked over at Blitz who had taken it, looking casually in the other direction. His other hand held his chin as his elbow rested on the chair's back.

Stolas smiled. They were together, and everything would be fine.

"Alright, the court will proceed as follows." The judge put on reading glasses and began reading off of a paper, "The defense will give their opening statements, then the prosecution, ya-dah ya-dah ya-dah, blah blah blah. Juries are for p**sies so I will be the ultimate decider on guilt and sentence. My decisions are final. And as with all cases, if anyone manages to sneak up to the judge's bench and get me off without anyone noticing, all evidence will be thrown out the window and I will be obligated by law to give them whatever verdict they desire. If anyone calls you out for trying to do it, however, they will be immediately thrown out of the courtroom."

"Wait, what?" Millie said, a bit louder than she meant to.

Moxxie whispered in her ear, "That decision was made in 2013 by the council of deadly sins, to quote spice up the dull court stuff."

Upon overhearing this, Blitz turned in his chair and raised an eyebrow at Asmodeus. The Lord of Lust grimaced and mouthed sorry, as Fizzarolli stretched an arm to pat him on the back for comfort.

"There's also a note from Lucifer himself retrieved when we asked if he could come today. I ask you all to pay attention as it is rare to be graced with words from his majesty himself. We should all feel very honored to hear this," The judge cleared his throat,

"I don't know about any assassination attempt. So long as they were caught before they could even try it. I don't see the big deal. L. O. L. Even if they did try it, I would've been fine. I can handle myself, you know. L. M. A. O. Now go away, I'm calibrating my duck's laser eyes."

"I'm sure that's uh, . . . code for something. Moving on; defense, you may proceed to give your opening statements." The judge sat back, looking concerningly ready for a nap.

"O-of course, your honor. My client is-s an upstanding citizen." Makenzie stuttered and Stella laughed before being shushed by her brother.

Mackenzie paused before continuing, "A-a perfect man? No. But being imperfect is not a crime, and h-his personal and his fa-family life are not on trial today. And I would kindly a-ask that you and e-everyone else remember to keep di-iscussions of the ongoing divorce se-ettlement out of this."

"Fat chance." Blitz muttered under his breath and he felt the goetia familys' eyes glaring at him.

"On the w-weekend in question, my defendant and his boyfriend were on an imprompt-tu date. You are likely to hear stories of some grand s-scheming going on, but I can a-assure you that it was just a simple d-date." Mackenzie spoke, and blitz felt like they might have a fighting chance after all.

She continued, "Some of their f-friends and family were there watching through the windows with wa-walkie talkies, as evidence will show. I-is this a weird kink? Yes. Is it illegal? Not in the l-least. Is it even the weirdest kink to hit the news in the p-p-past year? Not by a long-shot."

"Dear satan." Blitz shook his head. This was the angle she was going with?

"And on t-the evening in September, when the d-defendant disguised himself a-as a Succubus, he was a-again going on a date. Roleplay is a c-common kink for many, and again not illegal. Not to mention he was nowhere n-near Lucifer's residents at the time, as our witnesses w-will testify."

"Thank you defense, you may be seated. Would the prosecution now make their opening statements?"

"Your honor," Andrealphus began, "Stolas has been a stain on the Goetian family name for many years now. Art, literature, music, language, all things the Goetia family is known to excel in. Stolas however, has always been. . . mediocre at best in all these essentials. It is truly disgraceful. And to cause our family even more grief, he is an adulterer! Which is indeed relevant to this case not only because it shows how deeply rooted the disease of cruelty is in him, and was the beginning of his brush with the violence that resides in the lower class."

Andrealphus paused to look at Blitz, and it took everything in him not to jump over the table and rip out that self-important *sshole's throat.

"On the first evening in question, it was not a date that the two deviants went on, it was an exchange of goods with the lord of lust himself, and a practice for the assassination attempt that would later take place. And the second, was the meeting to finalize the details and to finally attack the king of hell himself, as our evidence will show beyond a shadow of a doubt."

"We shall see," the Judge said, "bring up your first witness."

Author's Note:

Vik here. Sorry that this chapter was late, like really late. And short. Just about everything that could go wrong with this chapter did go wrong. I've spent a good part of the past two weeks thinking about, researching, and writing it. I had to do A LOT of research on court scenes, one of which I spent a whole hour watching before realizing that it wasn't answering any of my questions. I got half way through the scene before realizing that if the case is Stolas was being charged with terrorism, Stella wouldn't be the prosecuter, and so I had to rewrite a bunch and cut out some funny jokes, so I'll include it at the bottom of this note. And then to top it all off, I entered into a really bad depression dip. I'm still in it, but I'm getting help, and I'm trying to remember that this is just how the rollercoaster of depression goes and there will be better days. I've had it since at least early elementary school, so I've learned the ups and downs patterns and what helps me in the hard times ya-da ya-da. All this to say, it sucks, but don't worry. Shout out to my dear editor, who is always there for me as someone I can trust and feel safe to talk about dark moments with, and who is helping me find joy.

Speaking of my dear editor, I can't remember the context, but while editing she said another funny thing. Apparently, by trying to maintain an audience and start new stories, and by writing this fic for my wonderful audience, I'm stringing you along. I denied this allegation at first but I looked up the definition of stringing along and I pointed out that you guys knew you were signing up for an angst fic. But then she pointed out how I started with Chapter 26 before sending Stolas to prison, and I had to agree. . .

"You're giving them torture. It's a joyful torture but it's still torture." she said.

Thanks for letting me torture you guys for just a little bit longer. I am so grateful to you all. Here is to better days for all of us. Cheers! (I clink my mug of hot cocoa against whatever drink you've got.)

Bonus: Deleted scenes

Andrealphus stood, dressed in a white business suit, that really wasn't his style but was more fitting for the occasion than his usual attire.

"Andrealphus ars Goetia, your honor. I will be representing my sister, Stella ars Goetia in this case."

Stella smiled sweetly and nodded, as was her usual role in serious matters. She hated it ever so much and would b*tch about it for a week afterward, but so long as she kept her mouth shut when it was important, he would bear her insolent words and the migraines they came with.

Blitz leaned back in his chair to whisper to Moxxie and Millie, who were sitting just behind him on benches that were actually pews, but that sounded way too churchy for hell.

"Hey. Why doesn't Stella have an actual lawyer?" He whispered to them as his chair teetered on the verge of falling.

Moxie leaned forward, one hand cupping his mouth, "It's a sign of their family's intelligence and status that they don't need someone to represent them."

"They're bragging. Got it." Blitz whispered back and then leaned forward, stabilizing his chair.

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