May 20th 2005

Sighing heavily climbing the steps up to her home, Christa comes to a stop as she stares into the exhausted and intoxicated eyes of John Hagen. "What are you doing here John?"

"Just…..just…" he slurs something not entirely coherent, before his eyes look up at hers, watching and waiting.

So much for bed. I cant just leave him here though. Opening her front door, she pulls out the keys from the door before stepping over to where the man is sitting on her porch, offering a hand to the man. "Come on Hagen, let's get you coffee." Hauling him up, she ushers him inside her home, dropping her bag, gun and badge on her end table before moving towards the kitchen to make a pot of coffee while John follows her.

Impatiently waiting, once its done, she pours a tall cup, placing it in front of the man at her countertop, desperately trying to figure out why he has appeared at her door of all places. Well, better mine than Calleigh's I guess. "What's on your mind John?"

Staring down at the coffee cup, John doesn't take a drink right away, slowly bringing it to his lips before eventually taking a small sip. "Calleigh wont talk to me. Horatio either. All because of-"

Watching him patiently, she cuts him off before he has a chance to blame Horatio's brother again. "Calleigh told me what happened Hagen. Don't you dare blame this on Raymond Caine. You tried to withhold evidence for a bust."

"He was guilty!" Hagen bellows angrily at her, as she holds her hands up in mock defense against the cop. "Figures you would settle with her side."

"There are no sides. There is right and wrong. We follow the law, we don't bend it, or change the boundaries because we think we know what happened. You used to believe in that," her voice slightly challenging his statement, but also trying to be fair. "I'm not against you Hagen, but your choices have been questionable at best."

"Fuck you Christa."

"That's 1 hagen," her voice changes, growing serious as she stares at him from the other side of the counter, crossing her arms. "What are my rules?"

"You get 2" he mutters lowly as he takes another sip of the coffee, side-eyeing her carefully, watching her movement.

"You got 1 left Hagen until you're outside. Don't tempt me, I haven't slept yet." Making sure he understood her point, she moves away from the man before pouring herself a cup of coffee before resuming her position leaning against her counter. "What's the real problem?"

"I cant do anything right. I'm just the dirty cop's partner." He grumbles quietly at first, as his voice gets louder with each passing comment. "I do my best and nothing is ever good enough. No one wants my help. No one understands what I went through watching him waste away. I had to distance myself but I didn't want him dead."

"No one is saying that you did." Hearing him snort, she sets her cup on the counter and looks at him honestly, "No one thinks you did. But come on John, you are giving them exactly what they need. Ray was dirty, he played loose with the rules and then you did the same thing, maybe not at the same level."

"No!" he shouts loudly, throwing the coffee cup in his hand straight into the cupboards beside her, close enough to pelt her with coffee and porcelain shards.

He can see the shock in her eyes as she stares where the cup hit, "Its time for you to go Hagen."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean"

Shaking her head no, this was not going to end well if he kept it up. "Nope, we're done. Goodbye Hagen."

"No, Chris" he reaches forcefully out to her as she gets close enough to him, attempting to get him to leave, his hand gripping onto her wrist. "I'm sorry."

"You're hurting me, let me go." As his hands grip into her skin harder, this is a losing fight. No matter the fact she's sober, he has a least a foot and 100 pounds on her. "I said let go!" she forces his hand off her arm by applying painful pressure to the inside of his arm while jerking her arm free from his grasp, looking as Hagen's eyes almost turn black, she made a mistake. Shit.

Attempting to dart away from him, his hands are on her body quickly, forcefully shoving her into the counter as they struggle for dominance before he grabs her and throws her against the wall that leads into the living room, her head connecting hard against the surface. Struggling to stand, she attempts to run again as he grabs her, throwing her towards the wall again before his arm is over her throat, pushing to get her to stop moving, to listen to him.

The world around her starts to darken as she struggles to breathe, "I-I can't" Gasping loudly her blue eyes reflect her panic and fear of the man in front of her. "Hagen-John" she whispers quietly trying to get through to the man in his drunken rage, "John I can't breathe. Please," her please comes out raspy as with each passing breath she gets less oxygen. Bordering the cusp of losing consciousness, the pressure on her neck is suddenly gone, though her legs don't work as she slides down the wall.

Hagen stares down at his hands before staring down at the crumpled woman on the floor. What have I done? Hearing her wheezing, he reaches down to help as she moves away from him instinctively. "Christa" the rest of the sentence dies on his lips as his brain connects everything that has just happened. Bolting out the door, he rushes down the stairs wanting to put distance between her and him.

Hearing her front door slam shut, a sob escapes from her knowing she is now safe. Hagen. Her heart twists for the broken man, I'm so sorry.

May 25, 2005

It was mid-afternoon when Christa's phone started ringing endlessly. Not that it was a rare occurrence considering the line of work she was in, but it certainly was not normal. After the 4th time of the never-ending ringing, a loud groan is heard from the recesses of the large queen bed that makes up Christa's bedroom. "What?" a groggy, frog-like croak comes out. Whoever was waking her from her nap had better have a good reason. "Calleigh? Wait, what?! I'll be right there."

-CSI-CALLEIGH-ERIC-RYAN-HORATIO-ALEX-WALTER-NATALIA-MAXINE-CSI-CALLEIGH-ERIC-RYAN-

Throwing open the car door, Christa all but leaps from her personal vehicle as she quickly charges towards the apartment building where Calleigh Duquesne resides. Knocking on the door impatiently waiting for the blonde to open her door, her whole body is on alert. John...John is dead. Calleigh didn't give details to the incident, but a few calls to MDPD was enough to paint the picture of what happened to John Hagen.

Attempting to play hero and failing. She could understand why-after all, he was a partner of a previously known dirty cop. Anyone who has that happen is going to fall in all of the police social graces, dirty himself or not. But to kill himself in Calleigh's lab...what was he thinking? Was he thinking? Her mind darts back to just a few days before, him drunk in her kitchen all but begging for help. For a friend. Damn it.

As the door opens, bright red rimmed eyes stare out at her, tear marks still staining her lightly tanned skin. "Oh Calleigh. I'm so sorry." Holding her arms out, she embraces her close friend in a tight hug as Calleigh's sobs fill the hallway. "It's ok sweetie. I'm here for you."

-CSI-CALLEIGH-ERIC-RYAN-HORATIO-ALEX-WALTER-NATALIA-MAXINE-CSI-CALLEIGH-ERIC-RYAN-

About a week has passed since Hagen's passing. Staring at the uniform in her closet, a deep sigh fills the air. She had hoped she wouldn't need to wear this uniform again so soon. Too soon. Pulling out the black female suit, she chooses a deep emerald green top and her black heels. Here we go...

The funeral is held at a funeral home, as John was never one to be religious. Slipping into a seat in the back, Christa listens as various members of the department go up and talk about John Hagen. Everyone ignoring the elephant in the room-the reason why he felt the need to take his life. The eternal hell that he lived through every day, thinking of how he was hated. Finally, the service was wrapping, allowing the attendees to approach his casket.

Her heels echo in her head with every step towards the casket. "You shouldn't have gone out like this John. You know that," her voice whispers softly as the deep red rose in her hand lays against the hard wood, closed casket. Lost in her thoughts, she fails to notice when another finally approaches her, until she feels a hand on her arm. Vibrant blue instantly recognizes the vibrant hazel that appear to be looking deep into her soul. "Hey Ryan."

"Hey." His eyes flicker across her face, "you ok?"

Looking back down at her former fellow in arms, a member of the thin blue line, her head nods yes softly. "I just can't believe he could do this, you know? I mean, it's Hagen. He's tough and doesn't give up-" the crack in her voice is noticeable as is the tears that start to form in her eyes. Her fingers rub against the hard wood, unable to look at the man beside her, "Maybe if I hadn't been so short with him and actually acted like a friend-"

Watching as the tears form on her lashes, before one silently falls and lands on the sleeve of her jacket, "Hey now, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known. No one could have." His hand lays itself over hers, expressing empathy for the pain he knows she must be feeling. "It's not easy losing someone you know."

"First Speedle and now John-" sniffling as the back of her hand comes up to her nose, as if to hold the rest of the tears at bay. "How many more people do I have to bury?"

Knowing there is nothing more he can say to help soothe her hurt soul, Ryan gently links her hand with his, and leads her away from John's body. Leading her to a small enclave tucked away from everyone, he stands with her as her tears freely fall so others don't see her vulnerability. "Thanks Ryan," she whispers a few minutes later, trying her best to wipe away any signs of her tears and unsuccessfully doing so.

"Of course," his voice whispers softly as he reaches up, brushing her tears away with his handkerchief and helping clean up her running makeup before offering her a soft smile, "There."

Returning back into the fray, Ryan is never more than 5-6 feet from her side, watching and waiting to see if he is needed to interfere. He truthfully had shown not just because of it being Hagen and being part of their department, but he had come to be here for Calleigh. While John and her weren't together, he figured it would be Calleigh who would need a supporting hand. How wrong I was on that. I don't think I have even seen Calleigh... a quick glance around the room finally spots the brilliant, platinum blonde with her dad and H. Should have figured.

Hazel eyes narrow as he spots the familiar figure of Rick Stetler. "You have got to be kidding me," the mumbled breath holding anger and astonishment at Stetler's bold move. "Jerk." Ryan watches Stetler's frame as he makes his way towards the door, like he was on his way to leave. However, when Stetler detours, Ryan's back goes rigid. He is on a path set for Christa.

"Miss Young," his deep voice draws out Christa's eye roll in as many seconds as it took to say his greeting. "Surprised to see you here."

Knowing she has to play nice, she nearly loses it at his rude comment about her being here. John is-was a friend. "Excuse me?"

"Well you know, considering that Detective Hagen had a thing for Calleigh Duquesne and killed himself in her lab..." Stetler can already see the gears grinding as her blue eyes flash dangerously.

She all but growls at him menacingly, "Are you indicating that Calleigh had something to do with his decision to commit suicide?"

"Of course not, but do you think so?" Before Rick can say anymore, a sable haired man that he recognizes all too well from Horatio's team pops up, interrupting the pair. "Can we help you with anything Stetler?"

"Well I was just having a conversation with Miss Young here," before he has the chance to say anything else, Ryan's heated look cuts him off. "And your conversation is over." Turning back towards the young woman in question, Stetler can't help but notice as Ryan's arm drops to her hip to lead her away, placing himself in between Christa and Stetler. The look that Ryan shoots him as he walks away is almost as if the younger man is sending him a warning. "Interesting."

Securing the woman away from the IA officer, the torrent of curses that fall from her lips nearly makes him turn pink. Definitely some interesting phrases. "Hey, you ok?"

"He has no business to be here. He didn't like John. He is a smug little weasel," she hisses softly still glaring at Rick before walking away, knowing this is neither the time nor place to start a fight with Stetler. John deserved better. Shaking her head softly, the conflicting emotions reflect in her eyes.

"Come on, why don't we get out of here and have a drink for Hagen." Nodding softly in agreement, Ryan follows her out.