A/N: Keep a lookout for numbers like these: [1], [2], [3]. When you find one, feel free to scroll down to the "Special Notes" section of that particular analysis (just below "Weaknesses") to find out what more there is to be said about the topic that was just mentioned!
A/N#2: Hey, all! A couple of things:
First, sorry for the wait. I was forced to take a holiday break due to an injury in the family. This season is definitely taking longer than I hoped, but almost all of it has been out of my control. I can do nothing except promise that I'm doing my best.
Second, I added an extra bonus DLC Special Note to the Conclusion of Zamasu VS Gorr to clear up how I measured the volume of Marvel's universe and some possible concerns with that. Volume scaling is annoying and I didn't think showing why it's especially weird for Marvel would matter to anyone in my fanbase, but I re-thought it later and figured I would future-proof things (plus it was bothering me that I left out possibly pertinent information, sooooo yeah).
Third, woo! This is my final non-request battle of the season, so I better make it a doozy, huh? This is a super-unique matchup that I've never seen requested anywhere, but has a ton of thematic connections and is the only good fight for either of these guys that I've found. At least, once you get into the crazy stuff. Hope you enjoy, and then prepare for a slew of fan-requests for the rest of the season!
Episode 24: Bloodborne (The Hunter) VS Dead Cells (The Beheaded)
LZ: When the world succumbs to its wounds and the apocalypse is upon us, we all know from fiction that there are only a few ways we can all go out. Nuclear Warfare, Zombies, Aliens, and so on. But what if the world were suddenly swept up in a pandemic that turned regular creatures into powerful, bloodthirsty monsters controlled by only a desire to turn more of the world corrupt? How few would survive? What horrible conditions would they be held under? And what sort of warrior would we trust to keep the streets clean of the infected?
TWO: The sort who uses a giant pile of weapons to murder the crap out of all of them, zombie, werewolf, eldritch god, who cares, kill 'em! Especially if they don't have to worry about dying themselves and might star in two of the hardest games you can still buy at Walmart.
LZ: In the world of Bloodborne, the Hunter uses their skill and grit to save everyone from a living nightmare.
TWO: And in the world of Dead Cells, the Beheaded uses ten million weapons to save his own freakin' self.
LZ: I'm LittleZbot, and it's my hobby to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
…
Bloodborne
LZ: The word "lovecraftian" is often used today to describe any monster that is difficult to explain and inspires fear in our hearts. But in the original works of Howard Phillips Lovecraft, the monsters such a term defined were beyond anything we humans could understand.
TWO: You probably've heard of one of Howie's big bads, Cthulhu. But the Cthulhu Mythology goes way deeper. That guy's just a cousin of the weirder Great Ones, gods who used to rule Earth. In Lovecraftian lore, they were kicked out by a few of the Great Old Ones (this guy was real creative) and they'd occasionally pop in to check up on us and drive a few countries into suicide with their presence.[1]
LZ: But what if, instead, we humans did what we do best, and turned what terrifies us into weapons?
TWO: So, welcome to the island of Yharnam in the world of Bloodborne. This story, world, and everything is all supposed to follow OG Cthulhu Mythos, new stories, same cosmology. But there's one big difference: the scholars of Byrgenworth and Mensis, who studied Great Ones that were left behind and used their energy to get superpowers!
LZ: And crippling insanity.
TWO: Yeah, that tends to happen a lot here.
LZ: By using blood infused with the power of the Great Ones, and/or vileblood (this game's lore is a bit intentionally vague), people would have their wounds miraculously healed, and by inciting rituals, they could gain some magic from the Great Ones for themselves. But this would have devastating effects that nobody could have predicted.
TWO: All this stuff made a tether between the Great Ones outside our realities and us. Suddenly, a world they could barely interact with was as free as a park, and a ton of Great Ones came over to celebrate! Sure, a bunch of them left as soon as they realized what a hellhole their kin had turned it into, but that's okay, because they left us with the Ashen Blood scourge, a disease of blood and soul. Folks who had taken the old blood would become way stronger monsters that only exist to consume things and infect more people. Like a zombie plague, but with more werewolves. Even with their new powers, it was pretty clear that humanity was screwed.
LZ: So, legendary figures like Laurence, Gehrman, and Ludwig formed factions to fight the scourge. Some relied on healing blood, some on spiritual energy, and then there's the one that bridges all gaps, accepted by none, with the sole purpose of slaying the beasts and protecting the people: the Hunter's Guild.
TWO: With Howie's magic system, humans can use their own willpower to tie themselves to dreams and even gods. A ton of his own characters do this (one society even fought a few Cthulhus to a standstill despite being physical) and Gehrman decided to follow suit. He cut a deal with a bigger, more ascended Great One, Flora. She wanted all the Great Ones left in Yharnam dead, because with each that died, she got stronger, and eventually she'd be the only god left in what used to be the Great Ones' favorite fishing hole. In return, she'd form a new part of the higher-plane Dream Land out of her thoughts where Gehrman and his hunters could build god-killing weapons and restock on whatever they wanted whenever they wanted. This was: the Hunter's Dream.
LZ: The Hunter's Dream is infinite in scope and, according to Lovecraftian lore, exists in all spatial dimensions at once. This isn't like the dreams of, say, the Mario universe, where anything can happen and no feats translate to the real world; in the Cthulhu Cosmology, all dreams and the Dream Land are all directly mirrored from reality and your power is the same. Regular humans can even ascend through them if they know how. So it's more like an extradimensional existence that embodies possibilities. As a contained portion of the Dream Lands, time, space, and matter are all subjective here, determined by the individuals who help form it: in this case, the founder of the Hunter's Guild, Gehrman.
TWO: So because'a that, it looks like a flower field and a house. But hey, bonus, after becoming a hunter, these folks would be tied to this new land, so, even if their bodies died or their souls were destroyed, they'd just reform back in the Dream.
LZ: From there, they could teleport all across Yharnam to any of the dozens of spirit lampposts in order to quickly get back to what they were fighting, and return to the Dream whenever they wanted by using a Hunter's Mark.
TWO: Plus, they got pockets with tons of hammerspace, and the hunters could absorb the energy of Blood Echoes from every monster they killed and trade them inside the Dream to become even stronger. Also, they got a new superpower: the "Rally" effect, which means that whenever they get hurt, they can attack back to heal that damage. Even if the enemy's already dead, they heal as long as they attack within a few seconds.
LZ: With this new wave of immortal warriors, the battle against the scourge took a bloody turn. Rather than a horror-movie massacre, it was now a war of attrition. As long as Gehrman lived, the Dream was sustained, and the hunters could keep getting stronger. But could any of them ever possibly be strong enough to do what Flora wished: to kill a god?
TWO: And that's where we come in.
LZ: A foreign visitor to Yharnam, our player character started their journey on a search to discover the identity of Paleblood, a mysterious something that many ancient texts referred to. As Yharnam was the last site of the Byrgenwerth scholars and the experiments of the Great Ones, it made sense that the answer to this mystery would be found on this island.
TWO: But they picked the worst time to visit. Night fell, and this time, the sun wouldn't be coming up, 'cuz the gods were fed up. There was an attack. Or an illness. Or something. Again, vague. Anyway, to save their own life, the visitor signed a spirit contract to become one of Yharnam's hunters. When they awoke and immediately died to a werewolf (unless you didn't, but no, you did), they awoke again in a garden and a workshop. They had entered the Hunter's Dream.
LZ: On that day, the visitor became the Hunter, and they swore to discover the truth to every mystery Yharnam had. While saving people from monsters, finding the identity of paleblood, and figuring out how to end the eternal night, of course.
TWO: And a task like that meant they needed to become the greatest hunter who ever hunted. So, well, they did.
LZ: Under training from Gehrman and plenty of exploration of Yharnam, they've amassed an absurd amount of feats. In large part thanks to what the hunters are most known for: Trick Weapons.
TWO: They're kind of like weapons from RWBY. As in, super cool and can join multiple parts together to transform into other weapons!
LZ: Most hunters find or forge one weapon for themselves, one unique transforming tool that fits their fighting style the most. But our Hunter decided that if they were to be the best, they would have to surpass everyone in every category. Which meant mastering every single known hunter weapon, and beyond. As such, not only is their skill level in, well, everything, completely off the charts, but they hold literally dozens of unique super-weapons on their person.
TWO: Starting off is the Hunter Axe, the weapon every single person picked their first time playing this game. And if they didn't, they wished they did. It's a neat little hatchet that'll separate a beast from their head no problem, but when joined it's a giant mid-ranged executioner axe that'll slice clean through giants, ogres, and entire hordes of baddies at the same time! But hey, if you want basically that, but better, Ludwig's Holy Sword is the other big newbie-attracting weapon. But for good reason: one-handed, it's a fast, super-sharp rapier, but joined, it's a massive broadsword that'll stab anything in sight with enough force to shake the earth!
LZ: From wooden wheels to pickaxes to the severed arm of a deity turned into a grotesque flail, the Hunter's arsenal is nothing if not unique. The Bloodletter consumes the user's own blood to transform into a mace so powerful, it made the previous wielder one of the most feared men on the planet. Simon's Bowblade is both a sword and a longbow in one, just as dangerous at any range. The Stake Driver is a simple bladed weapon normally, but when joined, it can charge for several seconds to unleash a single strike more powerful than any other weapon in their arsenal. This charged attack is often capable of killing even the most powerful monsters in a single blow!
TWO: Blades of Mercy are used by the Crows (which are super-hunters) to kill other hunters, the Boom Hammer is a warhammer that can set itself on fire and make explosions on impact, and the Whirligig Saw is a giant pizza cutter made up of a ton of circular chainsaws stacked together! It might just be the manliest way you could kill someone. And, when powered up by the Beast's Embrace Rune, the Wolverine-like Beast Claws turns our player into a super-strong werewolf-thing that rips through everything in sight. They look like if that kid from Jumanji went through puberty.
LZ: But their best weapon (besides whichever one is your favorite, of course) is the Holy Moonlight Sword. Granted to the Hunter by Ludwig the Holy Blade himself, this massive greatsword glows an ethereal blue and shoots sword beams. When increased by the Hunter's own magical potential, it can destroy any creature in mere moments.
TWO: "But hey," you're telling us, "these weapons are awesome. Why not just have them joined all the time instead of one-handed?" Well, duh, so we can dual-wield with our left-hand weapons!
LZ: Hunters are famous for holding a melee weapon in their right hand and a ranged weapon in the left. For our Hunter, we have a wide assortment of, well, firearms, mostly. However, the Hunter does have some more… unusual options.
TWO: Like flamethrowers, a shield that blocks magic, a gatling gun, a hand cannon that'll blow the face off anything, a gas-sprayer that shoots magic fog to vaporize people, and the Fist of Gratia. This hunk of iron was used by a superhuman hunter who couldn't figure out regular weapons, but became crazy powerful with this thing. And in our hands, it's even better, capable of literally knocking some of the strongest monsters in history to the ground with one punch!
LZ: To make the projectiles for these weapons, the Hunter uses quicksilver, a holy metal that attacks on all planes of existence. While the Hunter can only carry twenty pre-made bullets at a time, they are immediately refilled upon returning to the Dream. And should the Hunter truly need them, they can, at any time, forge more out of their own blood, though this naturally deals some damage to their body.[2]
TWO: And since all their weapons were made by the hunters specifically to kill Great Ones, they can strike any kind of creature and rip them to pieces no matter what. Even ghosts! And, just because they're not already busted enough, every single weapon can be equipped with Blood Gems, magic crystals that buff them even more and give the Hunter some more powers. Like increased durability, a healing factor, and boosting that Rally effect. And after reforging all of 'em in the Dream ten times over, every weapon doubled in power, or more!
LZ: Should the Hunter need even more firepower, they can set their weapons alight with fire or bolt paper, allowing them to vastly increase their damage output. The Hunter is also capable of performing certain spells by using hidden tools. With these, they can throw explosive curses, launch energy balls from their eyes, strike the ground with waves of magic lightning, heal all status effects, and harness the power of "quickening." This boosts their speed considerably and allows them to burst into smoke when dodging, completely passing through attacks if they can see them coming.
TWO: The arsenal doesn't stop there. The Hunter has all kinds of hidden weapons and consumables to catch the monsters off-guard. A bunch of kinds of Molotov Cocktails, throwing and poison knives, bone blades that turn monsters against each other, elixirs and blood to give themselves buffs, Numbing Mist that stops foes from healing themselves, and Beast Blood Pellets. Eating enough of these things puts the Hunter into a super mode where they do bonus damage.
LZ: In addition to a hundred or so of all of these, the Hunter carries twenty Blood Vials, which, when injected or drunk, each heal 40% of their health. And, just like the bullets, everything listed here is immediately restocked upon entering the Dream.
TWO: And if they feel like they're really screwed, a ring of the Old Hunter's Bell will summon an avatar of another hunter to fight with them. And with the Madaras Whistle, they can summon a bootleg Midgard Serpent!
LZ: As large and impressive an arsenal as you can find among any of the hunters; far more so, actually. But they would need every inch of it to handle the impossibilities that they would face.
TWO: The scourge shows up in all kinds of ways in all kinds of folks, maybe makes them into flesh-rotting rioters, maybe turns them into ghouls, or maybe it makes them witches that can cast trapping spells and eat hunters like pancakes. Werewolves, cave trolls, gargoyles, even the infected boars and crows were now all giant man-eating monsters. Going up against even one of these guys has been shown a bunch of times to be a death sentence for almost anyone, but with their skill and super-weapons, hunters have no problem cleaving through the lot. It's kinda messed up, though, right? All these things are just humans gone crazy because of Great Ones messing with them.
LZ: "Kind of messed up" is right. This isn't a typical monster-hunting story with happy endings all around. It's a constant, waking nightmare. Even the few friends the Hunter made on their journey, protected by spiritual incense, all eventually went mad, and the more you resisted the transformation, the more powerful the ensuing monster would be.
TWO: Like Vicar Amelia, whose constant prayer and magic protections from the curse backfired big when she turned into a ten-foot-tall dog-deer-thing with magic, healing, and stats that could one-shot every monster we'd seen so far. Including the Blood-Starved Beast, a monster so powerful, one stalking a different hunter had to be mind-exploded by a child Great One who liked the hunter, because it wouldn't stop one-shot-killing the guy! And since Gehrman tried to train them to take his place, we know this hunter was in the upper tier.
LZ: But our Hunter could handle both a Blood-Starved Beast and Vicar Amelia quite well. They've taken down witches, reanimated skeletal beasts that can harness electricity, assassins who have mastered blades and sorcery, and even aliens.
TWO: Wuh-wuh what?!
LZ: In classic Cthulhu Mythos, our planet is only one of many that hold inhabited life, with many species out there being beyond our ability to properly comprehend, and they have their own gods just as we do the Great Ones. And this is represented well in Bloodborne, where some of these alien monsters have crashed into our little spiritual well. Our Hunter, however, has no problem discerning and dismembering them, and even managed to kill Ebrietas, one of their own gods.
TWO: Yeah, killing an alien god is a bit out there, but no, our Hunter is more than powerful enough to do it.
LZ: They can dodge chaingun rounds, lightning from Darkbeast Paarl, laser beams from Amygdalas, and even attacks from Mergo's Wet Nurse, who can exist in multiple places at once and moves so fast, reality itself rends in her path.
TWO: They can knock down monsters over fifteen meters tall, and even their base human bodies can survive, well, pretty much anything. Every horror movie monster you can imagine, every god we talk about today, everything, they've taken a beating from it and got back up. Even brainsuckers directly attacking their brain and bloodlickers trying to drain their entire body of blood doesn't do much more than irritate them a bit.
LZ: If that isn't enough, they have many clothing pieces that can be equipped for extra durability. The Old Hunter's Set, in particular, boosts defense fairly well against attacks both physical and magical. And while they wear the Crown of Illusions, they can see through all forms of, well, illusion. Even the magic of the Executioners, which could fend off Byrgenwerth and one of the Great Ones, cannot conceal secrets from the wearer of this crown.
TWO: They got that from killing Logarius, by the way, one of the most powerful wizards ever. Which is saying something when other wizards from Lovecraft could easily manipulate planets, stars, even universes! But that ain't so much to our Hunter, who wipes out hordes of horror-movie monsters like nothing.
LZ: In addition to such monstrosities, the Hunter has fought against many of their own kind. All types of hunters with all types of weapons, some of which had gone insane by looking at a creature they couldn't comprehend, and some of which just wanted a scrap because, well, you're both immortal, so why not?
TWO: They've taken out some legendary figures, like Gascoigne, Henryk, Djura, and the Bloody Crow of Cainhurst. That last one was super strong, so much so that even Eileen, one of the strongest Crows, didn't stand a chance against him. And in case you forgot, the Crows are super-hunters who're trained to hunt other hunters! And 'cuz it wasn't enough, the Hunter memorized a whole bunch of runes they found across the island that empower hunters. These buff durability, let them keep five more vials and bullets, increase their Rally, and heal them when they do big damage to an enemy.
LZ: But they sought more; answers and power alike. When they entered Byrgenwerth, they found the original Great One that the scholars studied and grew out of hand: Rom, the Vacuous Spider, in his own infinite dimension known as the Moonside Lake. And upon killing the weakened Great One, the moon shifted, and the chthonic powers awoke truly. When the Hunter emerged into their world once more, they finally saw it as it truly was: infested by lower Great Ones that consumed sanity known as Amygdalas.
TWO: These things sucked up thoughts and controlled people's minds, and were a big reason that the scourge was going stronger and unchecked. Good thing that the Hunter was stable enough to peer into one's mind and enter the Frontier, the shared Dream Land of all Amygdalas, and once inside, they killed the boss of all of them! But not before they found a corpse of one of the scholars, Micolash, and got teleported into his crazy dimension that sustained a connection between our world and the invading Great Ones. So, the Hunter just killed Micolash in the Nightmare and severed the connection to baby Great One Mergo, making it way harder for these things to keep going to our lower realm.
LZ: Micolash had formed this nightmare to contain both his soul and his warped memories of a time long past. In this infinite dimension, he could alter pathways and call upon the powers of chthonic gods. In Lovecraft literature, a similar dreamer, Kuranes, was able to create an "infinite city" that he ruled. Weaker dreamers were capable of communicating with others in separate spatial dimensions and helping to sustain a Mirror Trap that was infinite in size, so this all actually checks out.
TWO: All this experience with handling dreams and infinite power came in real handy when they got picked up and accidental-ed their way into the Hunter's Nightmare, a dimension where all hunters go once they've gone mad from immortality combined with looking at incomprehensible stuffs. In the most persuasive bid ever to prove themself as the strongest hunter, maybe strongest human, in all history, they put every single other hunter there out of their misery, even the absurdly-strong monster forms of legendary folks like Ludwig and Laurence.
LZ: After invading a past version of Byrgenwerth, they fought Lady Maria, the time-manipulating former protege of Gehrman who mixed hunter fighting with magic and blood-based enhancements. It should be noted that she was also traditionally immortal, in the same vein as Queen Annelise, and could survive any attack, including being reduced to a small lump of flesh. Yet our Hunter's weapons nullified this completely.[3]
TWO: After beating her and finding ourselves in the second-worst fishing village in Howie's Mythology, our Hunter discovered the cause of the dream: Kos, a dead Great One who washed up on the sea and was constantly experimented on. It's possible she was the original source of the scourge; we don't really know. But her regrets had made a life trap for any who fell into that mindset, forging an infinite dimension containing alternate timelines where every single regret every being inside ever had would play out.
LZ: Including Kos', when these regrets made themselves manifest into a large fetus-skeleton abomination, the Orphan of Kos.
TWO: AKA the hardest freakin' boss of the whole franchise!
LZ: You only say that because you've never played Sekiro.
TWO: Doesn't that also mean you've never-
LZ: The Orphan held all Kos' power, and should have absolutely annihilated any who encountered it. But with patience, skill-
TWO: And a glitch that stunlocks him forever!
LZ: …our Hunter prevailed. Freeing all from the Nightmare and disabling the trap, they had found the answers they sought, and there was now only one thing left to do.
TWO: Go find old man Gehrman and take him out to break the connection to Flora, the last tether the Great Ones had to Yharnam. Gehrman was plenty tired enough of the job to die, but he actually offered the Hunter a choice: he could end their immortality so they'd live a regular life in a semi-regular world again, or they could fight. If Gehrman lost, the Great Ones would just make the Hunter the new tether, and that was a fate worse than death. So when the Hunter said "naw, man, Imma kill you and them" he decided to end this moron before they could make the worst mistake of their afterlife.
LZ: As the first and by far most powerful of the hunters, Gehrman was a force unlike any seen in Yharnam. Wielding his legendary scythe, the Burial Blade, he gave a fight befitting of such status. Understandable, since the Burial Blade is the most powerful of all the hunter weapons, forged with the higher-dimensional siderite, a weapon capable of even severing connections to the Dream and truly, permanently killing immortal beings. Except for you. Somehow, our Hunter's strength of will is so crazy, they can just… choose to keep respawning.[4]
TWO: Yeah, we're awesome, so we perma-killed him and stole the Burial Blade for ourselves.
LZ: And then our Hunter found themselves face-to-face with the true being responsible for this. The Great One who had caused the Dream to come into being, granted the Hunter immortality, tied Gehrman to this plane, and perpetuated the cycle of the scourge, all for the sake of destroying the other Great Ones among us: Flora, the Moon Presence.
TWO: Flora's a big-deal Great One that everyone gave up on even the idea of trying to defeat, so instead they all worked with her. You know what they say, if you can't beat them- Wait, this is a Soulsborne game. Of course we can beat 'em!
LZ: Flora was more powerful than ever before thanks to the Hunter's destruction of Rom, Amygdala, Mergo, Ebrietas, the Brain of Mensis, and the One Reborn, but nonetheless, the Hunter stood, ready to face a true definition of Lovecraftian Horror.
TWO: And they whupped her butt! And just like that siderite, even though she was a god of immortality and all that, Flora still couldn't perma-kill the Hunter! And even better, once Flora died, the Dream should've completely collapsed. It's literally just an extension of her thoughts. But the Hunter wanted it to keep going… so it did.[5]
LZ: Remember, all of this is supposed to be directly inspired by the Cthulhu Mythos, same rules, powers, and all. In this case, the Great One Flora is supposed to be an Old One Dreamer, a powerful reality-warper who achieved godhood through dreams. Great Ones of this type are capable of producing entire dimensions of the Dream Lands, and even a single "city" in these dimensions, like Celephais, contains an "abyss" full of infinite dreams that are each infinite in scope.
TWO: Which sounds silly, yeah, but so was Howie.
LZ: And not in the mythos, but in this very game, the regrets of a dead Kos was powerful enough to create the entire Hunter's Nightmare of endless timelines. So, this really isn't far-fetched, especially if we consider that Flora had been empowered by the Hunter's sacrifices up to this point and beings weaker than her are able to sustain the infinite worlds of the Chalices. Yet the Hunter, in both will and in power, is even stronger.
TWO: And remember, we're using this hunter at max level, full stats, fully-upgraded weapon, and everything. Under those conditions, they can kill Flora in just one hit! Even with a weak weapon, it never takes more than six seconds!
LZ: Technically, the Hunter is capable of injuring and, with enough skill, defeating these eldritch monstrosities at Level 4, and, since Blood Echoes and leveling up isn't just a gameplay mechanic but a part of the lore, this would make a full-potential Hunter dozens of times stronger. Considering that, it makes sense that even a being so infinitely powerful would be a mere toy in the hands of a maximum-powered Hunter.
TWO: And, by killing Flora, the Hunter ascended to become a Great One themselves. Um, maybe. New Game+'s canon status is a bit wonky. There's also some evidence in outside material that implies the Hunter just kind of kept going. The scourge might be gone (oh, yeah, killing off all the Lovecraft stuff made the scourge stop), but they still kept working, trying to make sure as many folks were safe as possible.
LZ: Which, if true, would be a fitting conclusion. The dawn has broken, the curse is lifted, but the world still goes on. In Lovecraft's full scope of his literature, a fundamental pillar is the idea that humanity is irrelevant in comparison to the greater powers that exist. But the Hunter stands in the face of that. Gods, demons, dreamers, and fate itself stand against them, but for the sake of knowledge and to protect their fellow man, this single mortal can cleave through all possible opposing forces and achieve the impossible. For there is one truth that is known across all Yharnam: a hunter must hunt.
TWO: So… what's Paleblood?
LZ: Huh. I… don't know.
The Hunter unloads a final shot into the monstrous Ludwig, the former warrior staggering on his many legs.
They rush up, ducking under the Holy Moonlight Sword, and send him into the ground with a punch. The hand of the Hunter plunges into the chosen knight of the moon, and tears out the organs of the accursed, scattering his insides around the battlefield as raindrops.
As Ludwig falls into the knee-deep pool of blood and corpses they had been fighting in, his body fades to dust, leaving only the sword and head.
There's a moment of silence before the Hunter approaches and the dying Ludwig speaks.
"Tell me, Good Hunter of the Church. Have you seen the light? Are my Church Hunters the honourable Spartans I hoped they would be?"
The Hunter slowly lifts their hand to their wrapped face, lowering the binds to answer. The answer is, as always, only the bare minimum of what is required.
"Yes."
The disembodied head sighs contentedly. "Ah, good… that is a relief. To know I did not suffer such denigration for nothing. Thank you kindly."
He turns a little, his last drops of blood spilling. "Now, I may sleep in peace. Even in this darkest of nights, I see… the moonlight…"
The head stops moving.
The Hunter silently takes the offered Holy Moonlight Sword and turns to leave. They hesitate a moment, and then bow to the fallen hunter before trudging past the corpses and up the stairs.
The Hunter:
Name: Variable (probably John Bloodborne, distant cousin of John Darksoul)
Species: Human
Height: Variable
Weight: Variable
Age: Variable
Occupation: Hunter
Likes: Hunting, Lamps, Arianna, the Doll
Dislikes: Winter Lanterns, Patches, Adella, PC Ports
You're in the know, right?
Abilities:
Level 544
~99 in every stat
+10 Every weapon
Blood Bullets
Rally
Dimensional Storage with odd limits
Connection to Hunter's Dream
Immortality through Dreams
Reality Warping, connections to Great Ones, and infinite power through Dreaming
Arsenal:
Trick Weapons:
~Ludwig's Holy Blade
~Rakuyo
~Beasthunter Saif
~Hunter Axe
~Church Pick
~Reiterpallasch
~Simon's Bowblade
~Tonitrus
~Saw Cleaver
~Saw Spear
~Whirligig Saw
~Boom Hammer
~Chikage
~Kos Parasite
~Blade of Mercy
~Threaded Cane
~Kirkhammer
~Rifle Spear
~Beast Claw
~Amygdalan Arm
~Stake Driver
~Bloodletter
~Logarius' Wheel
~Beast Cutter
~Holy Moonlight Sword
~Burial Blade
Secondary Weapons:
~Repeating Pistol
~Loch Shield
~Wooden Shield
~Rosmarinus
~Piercing Rifle
~Hunter Pistol
~Fist of Gratia
~Flamesprayer
~Ludwig's Rifle
~Cannon
~Evelyn
~Gatling Gun
~Hunter Blunderbuss
~Church Cannon
Hunter Tools:
~Beast Roar
~Executioner's Gloves
~Blacksky Eye
~A Call Beyond
~Accursed Brew
~Choir Bell
~Messenger's Gift
~Tiny Tonitrus
~Empty Phantasm Shell
~Madaras Whistle
~Augur of Ebrietas
~Old Hunter Bone
Blood Gems:
~Can hold 1999
~Level 19/20
~Equippable on Weapons
~Increases all damage, boosts stamina, increases Rally, regenerates health, increases weapon scaling, poisons enemies
~All effects stack
~Max increase per buff: 33.8%
Consumables/Projectiles:
~99 Each
~Molotov Cocktail
~Delayed Molotov
~Rope Molotov Cocktail
~Delayed Rope Molotov
~Fire Paper
~Bolt Paper
~Oil Urn
~Shaman Bone Blade
~Pungent Blood
~Pebble
~Numbing Mist
~Blue Elixir
~Throwing Knife
~Poison Knife
~Sedative
~Bone Marrow Ash
~Bold Hunter's Mark
~Antidote
~Lead Elixir
~Shining Coin
~Iosefka's Blood Vial
~Blood of Arianna
~Blood of Adella
~Beast Blood Pellets
Hand Lantern
Hunter's Torch
Hunter's Mark
Monocular
Old Hunter Bell
Choir Bell
Tonsil Stone
Yharnam Stone
20 Blood Vials
20 Quicksilver Bullets
999,999,999 Blood Echoes
Notebook
Runes:
Covenant Runes:
~Beast's Embrace
~Milkweed
~Hunter
~Corruption
~Impurity
~Radiance
Caryll Runes:
~Deep Sea
~Clear Deep Sea
~Great Deep Sea
~Stunning Deep Sea
~Lake
~Arcane Lake
~Fading Lake
~Dissipating Lake
~Great Lake
~Eye
~Beast
~Heir
~Moon
~Guidance
~Communion
~Oedon Writhe
~Formless Oedon
~Clawmark
~Blood Rapture
~Clockwise Metamorphosis
~Anti-Clockwise Metamorphosis
Armor:
~Butcher
~Crowfeather
~Yamamura
~Tomb Prospector
~Choir
~Executioner
~White Church
~Constable
~Charred Hunter
~Yharnam Hunter
~Black Church
~Old Hunter
~Shabby
~Ashen Hunter
~Yahar'gul (Hood, Helmet)
~Foreign
~Madman
~Cainhurst
~Harrowed
~Graveguard
~Doll
~Bone Ash
~Hunter A
~Hunter B
~Student A
~Student B
~Knight's Armor
~Brador's Armor
~Gehrman's Armor
~Gascoigne's Armor
~Lady Maria's Armor
~Henryk's Armor
~Enlarged Head
~Noble Dress
~Mensis Cage
~Arianna's Shoes
~Crown of Illusions
Feats:
Defeated Cleric Beast, Vicar Amelia, the Shadows of Yharnam, the Witches of Hemwick, the Celestial Emissary, Ebriates, Laurence, Yurie, Edgar, Undead Giant, the Watchdog of the Old Lords, Abhorrent Beast, Darkbeast Paarl, Logarius, Ludwig the Holy Blade, and the Orphan of Kos
Defeated many other hunters, including Gascoigne, Henryk, Djura, the Madaras Twins, the Bloody Crow of Cainhurst, Lady Maria, and Gehrman
Defeated many Great Ones, including many Amygdalas, the One Reborn, and Mergo's Wet Nurse
Defeated Eileen, the strongest of the Crows, who survived her "guilt" infecting her and collapsing an infinite dimension
Killed many Blood-Starved Beasts, which could one-shot strong hunters
Killed many Vacuous Spiders, such as Rom, and survived their magical attacks, each of which could sustain an infinite dimension
Defeated Yharnam, Pthumerian Queen, whose power equaled a Great One
Defeated Micolash, Host of the Nightmare of Mensis, the bridge between the physical realm and the higher Great Ones
Comparable to Lovecraftian Dreamers who could create infinite cities, destroy spatial dimensions, and sustain infinite timelines
Dodged laser beams
Dodged attacks from Mergo's Wet Nurse in dream form, who can cut space itself and drown dreams in darkness
Killed the two Shark-Giants in that well
~after crapping their pants
Mastered every weapon and ability ever granted to hunters
Survived attacks from siderite many times, which is supposed to kill immortals and sever dreams
Knocked Laurence and Ludwig to the ground w/ Fist of Gratia
Sustained the Hunter's Dream themselves after killing its tether and creator
Body regenerated from having its brain eaten and all its blood sucked out
Explored the Chalice Dungeons and murdered everything found within
~Except the Labyrinth Mole, of course
One-shot Flora, an Old One Dreamer
Weaknesses:
Still human, doesn't have god-specific abilities
Capable of being poisoned and going mad, though they quickly recover
Vulnerable to hax moves by those stronger than them
Perhaps too trusting
Caught off-guard by Patches and Lady Maria
Chalice Dungeons are not fun
Special Notes:
[1] The titles of "Great Ones" and "Old Ones" in Cthulhu Mythos were often interchanged with each other, but remain distinct from the "Great Old Ones." These gods, unlike the Great Ones, vary drastically in power, but the strongest can rule the "perceptions" of the Great Ones as well as their alien equivalents, like Dzéwà and Ei'lor. While the Great Ones are labeled "lower gods," this is only in the context of the Court of Azathoth, which contains beings that lie beyond the Hypnos Barrier and can potentially affect fiction itself. It's not to say that Great Ones are weak, but that they are weaker than beings like Azathoth and Yog-Sothoth.
There are many misconceptions about Cthulhu Cosmology in pop culture (and Wikipedia), and we are NOT getting into them now. Even the name of the cosmology (commonly "Cthulhu Mythos") is taken from later works by other authors. Officially, Lovecraft's letters call it "Yog-Sothothery." So much non-canon material has been written by different authors since then that it is difficult to sort out the online lies from truth. Suffice to say that every giant named monster is not automatically a Great Old One, the "Outer Gods" aren't a thing, and Azathoth is not dreaming the entire mythos into existence. At least, there is no such statement or implication in any material Lovecraft himself wrote that I could find. For all lore comparisons regarding the Hunter, I kept everything strictly to what Lovecraft himself wrote and considered canon.
[2] Many magic spells, the Holy Moonlight Sword's sword beams, and certain other left-handed weapons, like the Flamesprayer, require quicksilver bullets to operate in-game. However, other characters use them with no need for quicksilver, and there is no in-lore explanation for why such a resource would be required. As such, this is very likely a mechanic exclusively meant for gameplay balance, and does not translate to the Hunter's canon abilities.
[3] While not all Vilebloods are traditionally immortal, Maria's immortality is extensively hinted at. She uses a bloodletting weapon despite not being tied to the Dream, survived her own attempted suicide, rises as a corpse within the Nightmare (which captured all other hunters as they were), and, in unused content, she could be spoken with and fought again when killed by other means. Additionally, the Hunter can kill Micolash, who can survive without a body, and destroy even the Ptherumians, whose connection to the Great Ones also granted them immortality.
[4] The weapons of the Crows are also made with siderite, and are directly meant for killing hunters that are attached to the Dream. Many regular hunter weapons are created to kill immortal beings, but are incapable of permanently slaying other hunters, even with hunter tools and magic that attacks your soul and quicksilver that strikes on all planes. Siderite is the only known material that can kill a hunter, but our Hunter can be killed by it from Gehrman, Maria, and Eileen, and respawn anyway. Gehrman attacks you immediately upon re-entering the field, and Eileen acknowledges your survival with surprise, directly confirming this as canon.
This sort of immunity is in line with original Lovecraft stories; in one, the narrator plunged through the higher Dream Lands and experienced multiple "perceptions of infinity" as he progressed. In his earliest dreams, he achieved immortality, yet in the higher abysses, he found "things which at bottom possess no distinct and definite existence," and was confident he could ascend beyond them. Experiences like this and those of Randolph Carter showcase that a human with enough willpower can resist any such nullifications.
[5] Many human Dreamers and Dreamwalkers in Cthulhu Mythos were capable of creating and sustaining their own realms with their willpower alone. While the ability to steal such a realm from a Great One is incredible by the perspective of humans in this mythology, so are the feats of the Hunter. It is also not unreasonable; another human, Barzai, unlocked "so many of the gods' secrets that he was deemed half a god himself." Other humans were capable of speaking to and commanding the respect of gods from realities where matter, dreams, and perspective itself ceased to exist.
…
Dead Cells
LZ: Once upon a time, there was a king.
TWO: Like most kings, he had a wife, bodyguards, servants, and a lavish life within his castle walls. And, also like most kings, he was selfish and ignored the peasants. Economies despaired, fishermen went out of business, yada yada, you get the gist.
LZ: Then the Malaise came.
TWO: Nobody really knows how, why, or what it was. A sickness that began in the water, but grew to permeate the air, the plants, even the stones themselves. The plague, at first, was like any other, just a whole lot more incurable. Coughing up blood, acting oddly irritable, growing weak, and then dying.
LZ: Yeah, because that totally sounds like your average sickness.
TWO: It's medieval times, people died from not keeping track of a freakin' hangnail.
LZ: Whatever. What changed it into a horror show was what happened afterwards. A few days after one died to the Malaise, their corpse was reanimated, and though it held memories of when it lived, it hungered for something else. For death, destruction, and spreading of the Malaise. And despite every force of the kingdom fighting against them, they eventually succeeded. From the sewers to the graveyard to the old cult with magical protection; nowhere would you find a place safe from the Malaise and the infested.
TWO: As things grew more and more desperate, the king enlisted the aid of two people: The Time Keeper and the Alchemist. The Time Keeper's power was some minor control over the flow of time, and her dilation to hold back the spread of the Malaise would have big consequences. But we aren't there yet. Meanwhile, the Alchemist experimented on anything and anybody to try to cure the thing.
LZ: Both failed to accomplish their missions in time. Eventually, the number of people uninfected dwindled into the double digits. But the Alchemist discovered one possible way to save them: transforming one into a homunculus, a creature that could survive any attack, viral or otherwise. At the end of his rope, the king agreed to be his experiment.
TWO: Surprise surprise, days later, the Beheaded woke up in the Prisoner's Quarters with no memories.
LZ: So, welcome to High Peak.
TWO: Or what we assume to be named High Peak, because that's the name of the castle. The game's story's a bit intentionally vague.
LZ: This is the island of death, where those who remain alive are damned and those who've been damned are alive.
TWO: Ooh, nice. How long have you been waiting to say that?
LZ: Where knights fall and merchants survive.
TWO: Well, I mean, that's everywhere in 500 AD-
LZ: Don't bother searching for survivors; all you'll find are ghosts and those who will soon be ghosts.
TWO: What?
LZ: Don't be fooled by the lighthouse searching the waves in a storm. It's only the lure of an Anglerfish drawing in more prey to consume.
TWO: How… how long have you been practicing this one?
LZ: If you see this island on the horizon, do yourself a favor and steer far, far away. Though if you've smelled the tainted air and taste the blood in your mouth, you are already too late; you may as well finish your journey, and wait to be mercifully killed by the precious few adventurers who travel the island, destroying monsters, be it to make the place a little safer or just in desperation to find a way out of this hellhole.
TWO: …
LZ: Leave, while you can. Here, thay be monsters.
TWO: …Are you okay?
LZ: And the most dangerous of them all is no zombie. A mystery even to himself-
TWO: Yeah, I'm putting the kibosh on this one. The Beheaded inhabits the body of a man without a head, replacing where the person's head would be with a glowing yellow eye and a mossy exterior, all surrounded by a ball of purple unheated fire. He looks more like the Headless Horseman than anything else.
LZ: But the one thing about him that he knows for sure: he wants off the island.
TWO: Is that it? You're done with your 2 AM warehouse-by-the-docks Ursula Guin prose?
LZ: …yes
TWO: Are you sure?
LZ: …no
TWO: Ugh, fine, I'll take it. The Beheaded has tried to escape a whole heap of times, but even when he gets as far as he can, he can never quite find a way off the island, and is forced to retreat back to the Prisoner's Quarters. On the bright side, with his time there, he's basically turned that entire section of the prison into his home base, with a surprising amount of luxuries and protection for folks not as strong as he is. He's also picked up a bazillion different types of weapons, traps, and limited-use powers that he brings back with him.
LZ: Now, he can only hold up to four at a time (plus one extra in his backpack), but may the great pokémon in the sky help anybody who tries to start a battle with him at his home base. The Prisoner's Quarters has an entire room housing the enormous arsenal he's collected over his time on the island, and he has access to every bit of it while there, as well as a fair amount of time spent with each individual piece of destruction. And since he knows every possible pathway from anywhere on the island back to this base, it's important that we study and look at each of his many, many pieces of gear.[1]
TWO: And this arsenal makes killing monsters the easiest part of the day. Dozens of swords, spears, lances, staffs, warhammers, clubs, tonfas, scimitars, crowbars, steel fans, throwing axes, javelins, throwing knives, blowguns, whips, bombs, a fiery pickaxe, frying pans, and tons of magic elemental bows that have infinite ammo. Every one of these weapons has some small difference that makes it special, like electrocuting foes or dealing more damage after he's been hit. The Giantkiller is a sword specifically designed to kill stronger foes than the wielder, the Magic Bow fires ten homing arrows, and the Tombstone curses all surrounding weak enemies with damage when it smacks someone.
LZ: He also has access to magic spells, like fireballs and ice shards, and near-impenetrable shields that he can use to parry attacks. The Rampart even generates a short-lived forcefield with every successful parry. He can place sentries to shoot cannonballs, crossbolts, fireballs, and more, and summon several pets to fight alongside him, including the sentient sword Serenade and the tendrilled Leghugger. With the Giant's Whistle, he can even bring in one of his former servants, a 65-meter-tall Giant that can punch fast enough to light his fists on fire.
TWO: We haven't even touched the wackier stuff, like an extendable tentacle that works like a Zelda-style Hookshot, a guitar that deals more damage when he whacks people with it in rhythm to music, a deck of razor-sharp playing cards he can telekinetically control, and a sword that looks like a shark and will shoot sharks at people after a full combo has been completed- I don't… I don't even… Yeah, okay.
LZ: With the Wings of the Crow, he can hold himself aloft while dropping lightning bolts on the ground. With his Ice Armor, he can absorb one hit and rebound it with freezing magic. And he wields the Ferryman's Lantern, which absorbs the souls of monsters killed with it to shoot out as fireballs at other monsters, burning them both physically and spiritually.
TWO: With weapons and powers in hand, the Beheaded can and has taken out everything in his way, from diseased monsters to cultists to ancient war golems.[2] But even if he loses a fight, it's not really a problem.
LZ: In a way, the Alchemist's experiment worked as intended. The King was given a new body that was immune to the Malaise, as well as to aging, all other diseases, and damage in general. But this "body" was little more than a pile of moss and stretchy vines. Not exactly suitable for living a good life in. However, it does have the unique ability to enter the corpses of the dead and control them from the inside, like a mech suit.
TWO: This is how the Beheaded got his name; the first corpse he possessed was executed by beheading. He's racked up some thousands of bodies to use over time, though, including his original King body. But even when one of these bodies gets killed, the homunculus center still lives, and can just pick up another one. This thing is outright stated to be immortal; even when exposed to an energy source that disintegrated his entire body around him at the cellular level, the homunculus core didn't even feel it.
LZ: And through those endless lives, the Beheaded has managed to trade in the souls of the undead, the Blue Cells, to the Alchemist, in exchange for additional powers, an upgrade in stats, and new items, like a Health Flask that restores 60% of his body's health, can be drunk in four portions, and refills with every "death."
TWO: The Beheaded got way stronger as he cut down every monster abouts, helped by some superpowers. He can latch his core onto things and suck away life energy, crawl up walls, and if he ever gets hurt, he can heal himself by attacking foes around him quickly enough. Huh. Sounds familiar. And every new body can be Mutated. This can only be done once per body and it has to be from specific people the Beheaded can contact at his home base, but it super-buffs whatever corpse he's in at the time.
LZ: There are 52 possible mutations, of which 11 can be placed on a given body.[3] The extra powers these give range: increasing durability, dealing extra damage if he lands the first hit of a fight, becoming more powerful if he changes weapons frequently, reviving from death at half-health once, having a forcefield appear to protect him for five seconds once he's at severe risk of death, having his healing flasks heal more of his health, or, and here's the really busted one: magically encrusting his body with the gold he picks up, making every hit destroy his gold instead of his health. He starts out with 50,000 gold pieces; enough to survive mortal wounds four times over (assuming we're using max health increases from 35 colorless scrolls *cough*). Yeah, good luck getting through that before he kills you.
TWO: Plus he can give 'em Aspects, which fundamentally change the body in some way. He can be healed when he makes other things bleed, make his grenades and turrets endless, deal double damage with fire, deal more damage with more summons, spread all electricity from his weapons to all enemies, and has complete invincibility and even upped attack power while he's in the Rally effect heal zone stuff.
LZ: The Beheaded's body can jump four times mid-air, react to EM waves, and survive attacks that cut through the fabric of space-time. These cuts also have a secondary "catch-up" effect that causes those within the cut to be struck twice. But the Beheaded can be struck the first time and still react before the second wave hits.
TWO: The thing that was making those cuts? His old wife, the Queen. Real creative name there, Motion Twin. Anyway, when the Beheaded found out that she was guarding the one working lighthouse he could use to call for help, he invaded, killed her three super-powered servants, then beat her in a duel, and stole all their weapons, including that reality-breaking rapier. Bad news, though: turns out the available ships in the area were also infected, maybe even the whole planet, so that plan went out the window.
LZ: But messing with space and time together in such a confined, experiment-filled place isn't exactly safe from a cosmological standpoint, and as a result, the island occasionally "merges" with other dimensions, leading to the Beheaded finding weapons and foes alike from many other video games.
TWO: Like the Pure Nail. This isn't your regular picture-hanging nail, but a specific weapon forged using the extremely rare Pale Ore. It can kill immortals and cut gods as powerful as the Absolute Radiance to pieces, and just a portion of her power could make entire other realms! It also has a kinetic absorption-and-repellation ability that allows it to send power back at attackers and bounces the wielder around the place like a pogo stick. It's also capable of affecting multiple planes of existence, even destroying ghosts, shadows, and sound. Pretty powerful stuff.
LZ: Guacamelee's Pollo Power allows him to transform into a chicken that lays exploding eggs. This sounds, understandably, odd, but this same type of transformation magic has allowed characters like Salvador to gain enough power to destroy "infinite timelines." And he has Terraria's Starfury, which throws four star projectiles with every swing, and in its own game is powerful enough to hurt the likes of the Moon Lord, an eldritch monster whose "power knows no limits." He's far more powerful than other gods and goddesses, and even the pillars that were sacrificed in his name, and each of those is the physical manifestation of a universe-spanning energy![4]
TWO: Wielding weapons like these isn't such a big deal to the Beheaded, since he's fought plenty of crazy stuff himself, like when he crossed over into the new dimension of Curse of the Dead Gods, which had him fighting plenty of god avatars and gave him access to an entire new loadout of weapons. Including the Titan Slayer, a giant broadsword designed to kill immortal beings, and the Abnegation, a sword described as "death's toll and consequence."
LZ: But if you think that's the end of his dimensional excursions, you'd be very wrong. The Beheaded once found himself in the world of the video game Soul Knight, an ever-changing dungeon of endless enemies and terrifying foes and weapons alike, upon which, he conquered every challenge and collected every single weapon (except those of his companions) to take home with him.
TWO: All 349 of them. Oh, geez.
LZ: This new arsenal is, obviously, massive, and includes just about everything. Swords, crossbows, modern-day automatic firearms, staffs that sling magic fireballs, a fish that shoots lasers, a broom that shoots lasers, gauntlets, lightning magic, carrots, drills, railguns, and so, so, SO MUCH MORE. However, the power level of this universe is, generally speaking, surprisingly low compared to other things the Beheaded scales to; even weapons that are really powerful in Soul Knight are nowhere close to injuring universe-destroying monsters.[5]
TWO: But what this new arsenal DOES have is a lot of strange weapons, items, and abilities that are great regardless of how many tons of TNT they're worth. And for that, the Beheaded's arsenal is much better for this little trip. The Strength Potion and Nirvana Cross restore the body to 100%, the Extra Crown gives him ten seconds of invisibility, and the Staff of Illusion creates a temporary energy clone of the Beheaded.
LZ: There's also the Buckler, which, and you won't believe this, is literally Captain America's shield. As in, a Proto-Adamantium Vibranium-encrusted red, white, and blue frisbee of freedom. This shield absorbs and repels kinetic energy, allowing it to take damage of almost any strength, including, in one issue of What If, a blast from the infinite-multiversal Galactus.
TWO: There's also, and again, you won't believe this, the Death Note. From Death Note. Remember my Light Yagami Death Battle from WAY back in Season #1?
LZ: You mean MY Light Yagami Death Battle…
TWO: A Death Note is a shinigami's tool for killing those in the human world, and can kill people via heart attack just by writing their name inside. They can even be controlled for a bit if written fast enough!
LZ: But even that pales next to the most powerful weapon in Soul Knight: The One Punch. This red boxing glove takes six full seconds to charge, has only the range of a basic punch, and once the punch is launched, the weapon becomes a normal, worthless glove. However, that single punch instantly kills whatever it hits.[6]
TWO: With a ton of indie games under his belt in both experience and arsenal, he was more than prepared when his dimension merged with Castlevania's. Yes, that Castlevania. And yes, all this stuff is canon. The Beheaded got a bunch of holy weaponry to kill immortals (including an awesome Ivy Valentine-esque snake sword), and met up with a ton of friendly faces, including Richter Belmont, the strongest Belmont ever.
LZ: Richter feared that Dracula, the ancient vampire lord and embodiment of Chaos, would revive soon, and that wouldn't be good for anyone. Dracula had previously shown power enough to collapse the entire universe. Even weak Castlevania characters, like Menace or Hector, can support hundreds of dimensions or pull stars around at trillions of times the speed of light. While it's impossible to permanently kill Dracula (unless you erase the infinite Castlevania timelines, a la Time Reaper), just defeating him once in regular base state and forcing him to retreat for a century can require enough energy to create an infinite universe. Yet, in his own games, Richter was capable of destroying Dracula when he was more powerful than he had ever been before!
TWO: But what happens this time? Richter fights the revived Drac again, and loses. Then the Beheaded comes in and kills him good, even his super form, collapsing his castle while he does it. And the Beheaded isn't even a Belmont, so he doesn't have the buff that makes him super-good against Drac!
LZ: That castle, by the way, is directly specified to be the Castlevania, which is stated in multiple games to be a manifestation of an infinite dimension. And to get to Dracula in the first place, the Beheaded had to fight his lieutenant, Death.
TWO: This guy can use all sorts of spirit magic and can kill anything, even concepts like space, time, and light! Surviving any hits from him is crazy, but the fact that Death can't perma-kill him even in canon is ridiculous! Plus, after taking him out, the Beheaded nabbed Death's Scythe for himself.
LZ: Even the Time Keeper herself, the one who merges these dimensions and consistently resets the timeline, is little more than a mid-boss on any given run through the island. And in her clocktower, she can attack at the "speed of time," transforming reality itself with every strike.[7]
TWO: But he ain't perfect. His corpse bodies are just as vulnerable to status effects as he is good at dishing them out, including moves like teleportation. And, of course, anywhere but home base and his arsenal suddenly becomes ridiculously limited. Maybe that's why he never found a way off the island.
LZ: But although the journey to find a way off the island never ended, he found himself participating in another ending. The Alchemist eventually completed his cure: The Panacea. This blue liquid would eradicate the disease completely from someone's body, as well as make them many times stronger, faster, and generally more powerful. Theoretically.
TWO: He had to test it on someone first, and, like all mad scientists, he picked himself. Turns out, it does exactly what it says on the tin, but it also makes normal people go insane and become instantly addicted. The hopped-up-on-Panacea Alchemist demanded that the Beheaded go and collect more Cells to make more of the stuff, but the Beheaded decided to stage a one-man AA meeting by way of sword to the neck. And of course, he won.
LZ: Specifically, he won by stealing the Panacea for himself, injecting it, and putting the Alchemist out of his misery with his newfound power. The Panacea was a great power boost, but it couldn't last. Just a few minutes after consumption, the Panacea disintegrated the human body that consumed it, although his core remained. And a little messing with the timestream via Time Keeper later, and the Alchemist was back, looking for another cure.
TWO: As for the Beheaded?
LZ: Still today, he sits on the throne of High Peak, king of an island of monsters. Nothing can face him, nothing can stop him.
TWO: And nothing can free him.
LZ: If he one day finds a way off the island (and he insists that he will), then he will drop everything to take it. And if one day he finds someone his equal, he will drop even an escape route to fight them to the death.
TWO: If they can kill him.
LZ: Nothing has yet.
TWO: Maybe he should hear that soliloquy of yours, it might do-
The Beheaded kicks the Collector to the ground, Panacea racing through his bloodstream.
The Collector crawls forwards a bit, then gets up on his knees, woozy. "You… what have you done, moron… I've been trying to save this wretched Kingdom."
Feeling some regret, the Beheaded drops to one knee next to the Collector to comfort him.
But the Collector continues. "Save it… from an ass like you!"
All pity gone, the Beheaded stands up and flips him off.
The Collector chuckles. "Oh, we're all in deep now."
The Beheaded pushes him down and raises his boot above the Collector's head, knowing how this must end.
"You can't kill me!"
A kick.
"Urgh! That's it? I didn't feel a thing."
Another.
"Ahhh! Without me, you're nothing! Ouch!"
Another.
"I... I... I never noticed how cold these tiles are."
The Beheaded ends his life with one final swing.
The Beheaded:
Name: Unknown (probably William. Every king is named William.)
Species: Human Homunculus
Height: Approx. 5'7" / 171 cm (in human body)
Weight: Approx. 197 lbs / 89 kg (in human body)
Age: Unknown, likely 30+
Occupation: Adventurer, Prisoner, King of High Peak
Owns/Uses a total of 627 Weapons and Items
A temporal anomaly
Dual-Binding makes him waaaay more powerful. Or… at least… it did. :=}
Abilities/Runes:
Superhuman Strength, Speed, Durability, Agility, ect.
Immortality (Lives on as a homunculus), must possess another dead body when killed
Skilled with over 600 Weapons and Abilities, including some basic martial arts
Homunculus Rune
~ The Beheaded may expel their homunculus self from their body while controlling the body so long as they remain tangentially attached. Maximum distance = 14m
Vine Rune
~ Causes specific vines to grow in specific places when needed
Customization Rune
~ Gives a ton more customization options to Beheaded at home base
Challenger's Rune
~ Provides access to the Challenge Room
Teleportation Rune
~ Allows teleportation to hyper-specific monoliths if currently touching the counterpart monolith
Ram Rune
~ Gives the Beheaded a Ground Pound
Explorer's Rune
~ Reveals the whole area via map and its points of interest (scrolls, merchants, etc.) once he's already explored 80% of it
Spider Rune
~ Allows the Beheaded to cling to and climb certain walls
Mutations:
[Up to 11 may be activated at once, to change Mutations, the Beheaded must return to base form and go back to Prisoner's Quarters]
[35 Colorless Scrolls are used, check Special Notes for further expansion]
Killer Instinct
Combo
Vengeance
Melee
Open Wounds
Tainted Flask
Adrenaline
Frenzy
Scheme
Initiative
Predator
Porcupack
Support
Parting Gift
Tranquility
Ripper
Ranger's Gear
Barbed Tips
Point Blank
Networking
Crow's Foot
Tactical Retreat
Hunter's Instinct
Acrobatipack
Soldier's Resistance
Berserker
Blind Faith
Counterattack
What Doesn't Kill Me
Necromancy
Extended Healing
Gastronomy
Spite
Frostbite
Heart of Ice
Kill Rhythm
Armadillopack
Ygdar Orus Li Ox
Recovery
Emergency Triage
Velocity
Dead Inside
Alienation
Acceptance
Masochist
Disengagement
No Mercy
Instinct of the Master of Arms
Gold Plating
Get Rich Quick
Midas' Blood
Wish
Aspects:
[Only one may be activated at once, to change Aspects, the Beheaded must return to base form and go back to Prisoner's Quarters]
Toxin Lover
~ Poison no longer affects you. In fact it slowly heals you when standing in a gas cloud or poison pool
Fire Starter
~ Flames deal +100% damage, violet flames deal +200% damage
Shatter
~ Enemies take heavy damage when you break their freeze
Assassin
~ First attack while invisible instantly kills its non-boss target(s)
Relentless
~ You are invincible if you still have HP that can be recovered. You deal bonus damage in proportion to the amount of HP you are missing
Blood Drinker
~ Every melee hit against a bleeding target heals you for 3% of your max health
Damned
~ Cursed chests spawn rate is doubled. Curses don't kill you anymore, but double the damage you receive and deal
Gotta Go Fast
~ While speed boosted, receive 50% less damage and deal 100% more. Speed boosts last 2 times as long
Grenadier
~ Killing an enemy with a grenade resets its cooldown
Menagerie
~ Deal +100% damage per active pet (+25% per biter)
Stomper
~ Dive attacks and fall damage deal 4 times more damage to enemies
Superconductor
~ Electric attacks rapidly bounce back and forth to nearby enemies, increasing their damage by 50% every time they jump on a new target
Tinker
~ Reduce deployables' cooldown to 1 second
Dead Cells Arsenal:
Pure Nail
~Can affect spirits and physical beings
~Kinetic absorption and expulsion
~Unbreakable
Lightning Rods
Sadist's Stiletto
Multiple-nocks Bow
Panchaku
Ice Crossbow
Stun Grenade
Tonic
Electric Whip
Oil Grenade
Bladed Tonfas
Glyphs of Peril
Boomerang
Flashing Fans
Toothpick
Symmetrical Lance
Explosive Crossbow
Force Shield
Ice Grenade
Spartan Sandals
Swarm
Infantry Bow
Torch
Blueprint Extractor
Giant Killer
Oiled Sword
Rampart
Nerves of Steel
Rusty Sword
Emergency Door
Spiked Shield
Assault Shield
Maw of the Deep
Old Wooden Shield
Crowbar
Rhythm n' Bouzouki
Broadsword
Leghugger
Greed Shield
Cluster Grenade
Smoke Bomb
Money Shooter
Barrel Launcher
Grappling Hook
Repeater Crossbow
Spiked Boots
Dagger of Profit
Valmont's Whip
Beginner's Bow
Crusher
Knife Dance
Lacerating Aura
Corrupted Power
Ice Bow
Heavy Turret
Fire Grenade
War Spear
War Javelin
Ice Shield
Cocoon
Hayabusa Gauntlets
Balanced Blade
Gold Digger
Powerful Grenade
Tombstone
Blood Sword
Twin Daggers
Front Line Shield
Flamethrower Turret
Hard Light Sword
Hard Light Gun
Forgotten Map
Gilded Yumi
Scarecrow's Sickles
Root Grenade
Cursed Sword
Blowgun
Parry Shield
The Boy's Axe
Frantic Sword
Meat Skewer
Barnacle
Explosive Decoy
Lightspeed
Mushroom Boi!
Wrenching Whip
Rapier
Great Owl of War
Hakuto's Bow
Night Light
Knockback Shield
Magic Missiles
Frost Blast
Ice Armor
Machete and Pistol
Hattori's Katana
Snake Fangs
Cleaver
Marksman's Bow
Flint
Hayabusa Boots
Hunter's Grenade
Vampirism
Shovel
Heavy Crossbow
Abyssal Trident
Wings of the Crow
Scythe Claw
Cudgel
Spite Sword
Impaler
Bloodthirsty Shield
Flawless
Ice Shards
Wave of Denial
Oven Axe
Firebrands
Bone
Nutcracker
Pollo Power
Iron Staff
Serenade
Phaser
Pyrotechnics
Vorpan
Wolf Trap
Death Orb
Bow and Endless Quiver
Corrosive Cloud
Lightning Bolt
Punishment
Fireblast
Wrecking Ball
Assassin's Dagger
Double Crossb-o-matic
Magnetic Grenade
Ferryman's Lantern
Sonic Carbine
Tesla Coil
Shrapnel Axes
Face Flask
Killing Deck
Hemorrhage
Throwing Knife
Infantry Grenade
Giant Whistle
Telluric Shock
Seismic Strike
Sinew Slicer
Tentacle
Swift Sword
Alchemic Carbine
Thunder Shield
Quick Bow
Scavenged Bombard
Hand Hook
Tornado
King's Scepter
Baseball Bat
Laser Glaive
Throwable Objects
Diverse Deck
Starfury
Vampire Killer
Whip Sword
Bible
Alucard's Sword
Morning Star
Death's Scythe
Medusa's Head
Alucard's Shield
Cross
Throwing Axe
Maria's Cat
Bat Volley
Rebound Stone
Holy Water
Sewing Scissors
Giant Comb
Ruby Amulet
Topaz Amulet
Sapphire Amulet
Golden Amulet
Moonstone Amulet
Queen's Rapier
Panacea
50,000 Gold
Health Flask
Soul Knight Arsenal:
Meteo Laser Gun
Red Dragon
Staff of Wizard
Mo Dao
Rainbow Gatling
Super Shotgun
Ion Railgun M2
Reusable Restoration Potion
Meat Grinder
Pirate Saber
Brownian Coilgun
Blue Fire Gatling
Ice Breaker
Crystal Bow
Laser Sword Gold
Laser Sword Red
Battle Axe
Snow Fox XXL
Flame Blaster
Nirvana Cross
Grand Knight's Sword
Staff of Thunder
Stone Hammer
Rainbow Horse
Laser
Trident
Staff of Nature
Hammer
Heavy Hunter Axe
Next-next-gen SMG
Throwing Axe
Soul Calibre
Sniper Rifle Gold Pro
Ice Bazooka
Hurricane Gauntlets
Explosive Warhammer
Chu Ko Nu
Heavenly Sword
Bow Plus
Next-next-next-gen SMG
Illusion
Laser Sword Purple
Molotov Cocktail
Assault Shotgun
Fantastic Gun
TNT
Super Monster Card
Arbitrator
Basketball
Nunchaku
SMG M3
Lasso Gun
Badminton Racket
Wizard's Staff
Gold Staff
40m Long Blade
Goddess Staff
The Judge
Golden Crab Warhammer
Octopus
Missile Battery
Warhammer of Sealed Souls
Trekking Pole
Halberd
Laser Shotgun
Fist of Heaven
Grenade SMG
Snow Ape's Longbow
Fine Machine Gun
Furnace
Triple Crossbow
Blowpipe
Jade Bow
Sawed-off Shotgun
Vine
Bomber
Plunger Plus
Assault Sniper Rifle
Revolver Gold
Broom
Explosive Crossbow
Thunder Warhammer
Grenade Pistol
Paper Bomb Kunai
Splash Railgun
Wooden Hammer
MP5
Ranger's Revolver
Grand Wizard's Old Staff
Sweet Talk
Crossbow Plus
Rocket Gun
Staff of Illusion
RYB Assault Rifle
Knight Spear
Glacier
Millennia Bamboo
Bouncing Sniper Rifle
Fine Magic Staff Gold
Agitated Trunk
Staff of Frost
Alien Eagle
Sandworm
Fish
Blind Missile Battery
Oathbreaker
Oathkeeper
Carrot
Flame Bow
Rocket Gun M1
Next-gen SMG
Jumper
Pitchfork
Void Sword
Windforce
Floating Laser
Snow Fox Rose Gold
Baseball Bat
Hammerhead Shark
Bouncing Railgun
Alien Plasma Eagle
Old Sniper Rifle
Katana
Retouch-free Camera
Box
Ordeal in Disguise
Flame Axe
Laser Therapy
Fist Bump
Salamander
Xuan Ming
Umbrella
Iron Claw
Snow Fox L
Coilgun
Centennial Carrot
Firecrackers
Scratch Card
Whisper of Dark
Composite Bow
Frost Sword
Captain's Medal
Thunder Sword
Frost Spear
Machete
Electric Therapy
Deep-sea Laser Fish
Star Bow
Axe
Nasty Laser
AK47 Gold
Crossbow
Bleach
Paper Slip
Strong Bow
P250 Pistol
Trumpet
Shuddering Thunder
Happy New Year
Hunter Bow
Grave Guard's Hatchet
Guardian Railgun
Shotgun Pro
Javelin
Goblin Spear
Electric Drill
Mace
Spike Knives Eagle
Splitter Gun
Burp Gun
Shovel
Poison Eagle
Football
Cluster Missile
Fine Magic Staff
Blaster
Unfinished Shark Gun
The Emperor's New Gun
Shield
Gray Fox
Frost Eagle
Webber
Gatling Gun
Tidal Staff
SMG M4
Laser Sword Green
EM Railgun
Snowman Eagle
Old Rocket Launcher
M14
Candied Hawberries
Gas Blaster
Channeling Monkey
SMG M1
Hand Grenade
Sword of King Hero
Bouncing Assault Rifle
Dragon Bros' Sniper Rifle
Warbow of Royal Guard
Shotgun M1
Staff of Wizard Guard
Laser Fish
Reusable Health Pot
Bayonet Rifle
Thunderstorm Warhammer
Green Essence
Deadly Frisbee
Toxic Webber
Magic Staff
Strength Potion
Plasma Eagle
Twin-barrel Rifle
EM Sniper Rifle
Varkolyn Assault Rifle
Bamboo
Charged Railgun
PKP
Assault Rifle Pro+
Mini UZI
Dark Shadow
Wrenches
Organic Wave
AK-47
Zeus Thunderbolt
SMG Helix
Sniper Rifle
Revolver
Bayonet in a Gourd
Hero Bow
Giant Axe
Sickle
Pill
Guardian Rifle
Assault Rocket
Spear
Cannibal Plant
Rocket Fireworks
Shotgun M2
Fusion Drill
Black Hole Missile
Reforged Sacred Sword
Broken Hilt
Butcher's Knife
Prototype Railgun
Shaky Blaster
Golden Cudgel
Long-handled Axe
Volcanic Blaster
Magic Bow
Firebolt
Ion Railgun
Groundwater
Ice Spikes
Extra Crown
Staff of Skeleton
Swordfish
Sidewinder Green
Knight's Fist
Advanced Scientific Calculator
Fertilizer
Romantic UZI SMG
Ninja Stars
Horn
Bad Pistol
Implosion
Mini Knight Figure
Rainbow
Double Therapy
Frost Bow
Executioner
Assault Rifle Elite
Viper
Staff of Anubis
Rapier
Cherry Blossom
Feathered Crossbow
Assault Rifle
Damaged Blade
Bow
Aurora
Snow Fox XL
Caliburn
Desert Eagle Gold
Cleaner
Sword of Royal Guard
Portable Bomber
Staff of Shooting Stars
Flame Eagle
Green Onions
Double Blade Sword
Green Basin
Staff of Light
Improved SMG
Pufferfish
Flame Sword
Twin-barrel Pistol
Pulse
Bubble Gun
Ion Laser
Reusable Energy Pot
Quantum Ninja Stars
Sidewinder Red
Desert Eagle
Splitter Cannon
Eagle of Ice and Fire
Poker Cards
Laser Rain
Shotgun Galaxy
SMG M2
Windforce Ninja Stars
Weeping Eagle
Super Buddy
Short Staff of Valiant Youngster
Broadsword
Frost Battle Axe
Sniper Rifle Gold
Staff of Flame
Magic Gloves
Ninja Stars Plus
Snow Fox XXXL
Assault Rifle Pro
Plunger
Snow Fox Vintage
Floating Gun
Woodstick
Pioneer
Verbal Fire
Slingshot
Shotgun
Meat
Ion Coilgun
UZI
Spike Knives
Watering Can
Buckler
Boomerang
M4
Bazooka
Laser Sword Blue
Ballista
Shotgun M3
Crystal Crab's Katana
Electric Ninja Stars
Dead Star Laser Gun
Next-next-next-next-gen SMG
Breath of Hades
Deep Dark Blade
Death Note
One Punch
Curse of the Dead Gods Arsenal:
Storm's Point
Barbed Shield
Bone Shard Whip
Malicious Skewer
Jaguar Bow
Sky Hammer
Worn Shield
Keen Bow
Silver Stars
Annihilation
Crippling Bow
Blood Weeper
Fuming Skulls
Whispering Aegis
Hunting Axes
Dragon Sleeve Gun
Stone Hammer
Fulmination
Crackling Grenades
Heart Render
Broadsword of the Knight
Barbed Javelin
Effulgence
Desperation
Gambit
Venomous Fangs
Gusting Glaive
Flagellation
Seeker's Mace
Jewel Hammer
Cataclysm
Ceremonial Dagger
Slaver's Mace
Stiff Bow
Jaguar Hammer
Bloodstake
Weighted Blades
Smith & Wesson Schofield
Incendiary Bombs
Vengeance
War Macana
Webley Top-Break Revolver
Incandescent Claws
Throwing Knives
K'etyaam yaan
Primitive Spear
Blunt Claws
Swift Bow
Scorpion Spear
Heartseekers
Colt .45 Rainmaker
Crossbow of the Condemned
Lightning Orbs
Moonblade
Sunderer
Chromatic Knives
Storm's Bulwark
Sacrificial Macana
Titan Slayer
Windfury Pike
Duelist's Shiv
Chipped Dagger
Storm Lash
Sticks of Dynamite
Feathered Spear
Claws of Evisceration
Obsidian Stiletto
~perfect for distracting geologists so they don't notice the baseball bat in your other hand
Disemboweler
Serpent Bow
Alchemist's Firestick
Oil-Soaked Torch
Warmonger Claws
Steel-Tipped Talons
Blazing Shield
Forge Hammer
Pirate Bombs
Serpent Blade
Primal Hammer
Stone Breaker
LeMat Grape Shot Revolver
Broken Longsword
Sidewinder Sword
Reaper
Desperation's Flail
Braided Whip
Blazing Blade
Machete
Spark Hammer
Ancient Buckler
Stinger Lash
Evasive Knives
Devouring Orbs
Feats:
Defeated The Concierge, Conjunctivitis, The Giant, Hand of the King, Scarecrow, Dark Avatar of the Jaguar, Dark Avatar of the Eagle, Dark Avatar of the Serpent, Clovis Pardieux, C6H8O6, Phantom King, Zulan The Colossus, Anubis, Dark Grand Knight, the Easter Bunny, the Collector, and many more
Defeated the Queen, who could cut through reality
Defeated The Time Keeper, who can move at the speed of time
Defeated Stone Wardens that guarded treasure hoards and defended them from every other monster on the island
Defeated Calliope, Euterpe and Kleio at the same time
One-shot Mama Tick
Dodged lightning and electricity
Reacts to Rainbow weapons in Soul Knight
Defeated several golems at once, each of which can cause earthquakes all the way to Stilt Village
Survived his entire body being disintegrated. Twice.
Survived being consumed by darkness
Should scale to certain other indie characters like Terrarian and Juan Aguacate
Defeated Dracula when he was more powerful than he ever was in his own series
In battle with Dracula, destroyed the infinite-sized Castlevania
Defeated and could not be killed by Death
Survived 5BC, one of the hardest hard modes in rougelike history (and so did I, be proud of me)
Technically, survived being in the same multiverse as BOTH "those Pikemen in Stage 4," and Primal Aspids
Weaknesses:
Overwhelmed easily by darkness
Panacea can only last a couple of minutes at most
Obsessive to an extreme fault
Has been tricked before
As vulnerable to status effects and things like time manipulation/teleportation as anybody else
Reckless at times, which has led to deaths from simple environmental hazards
Death Note and other overpowered weapons come with huge restrictions
Despite being undead, still hungers and requires rest
The fanbase keeps assuming he's still an incorrigibly evil person who learned nothing from his past mistakes, even when the game explicitly tells you that this isn't the case
Special Notes:
[1] We're using Custom Mode in all its overpowered glory for the Beheaded. It's canon to his character thanks to the Customization Rune and some lore text, and even the developer patch notes state "Use the Custom Mode! It's part of the game! You're not cheating!" One of the primary rules of Death Battle is to use the characters at their best, and if the devs and game itself say that Custom Mode is allowed, then it's allowed.
[2] Technically, all upscaled weapons should remain the same, as it's the Beheaded's skill with them that's improving lore-wise, not their actual power level. However, the legendary affixes, which Custom Mode allows, gives each weapon an additional ability. These are clearly separate from the increase in damage or skill level, and as such will be taken into account.
[3] With a perfect route, full BC, and average luck, the amount of Scrolls the Beheaded will pick up in a given run will reach about 35. Remember, in Death Battle, we put these guys in when they are at their best, but we don't change hard luck values, or some characters would be drastically more powerful than they should be. Since we're allowing the rules of Custom Mode, in which everything can be colorless, we'll increase the power scaling for Mutations and certain other effects accordingly.
[4] The damage and power output of the weapons of Dead Cells are clearly exclusively meant for gameplay balance consideration, and are not accurate to the game's lore. If we were to go by damage output alone, the Vorpan, just a regular frying pan, would be 3.4x more powerful than a weapon that cuts through reality.
[5] The most powerful creature found in Soul Knight besides the Beheaded himself is likely Anubis, the Egyptian god of Embalming. While one could perhaps argue to scale him to the universe-level Ptah, he is considered a low-ranked god in Egyptian Mythology, and should not compare to the higher gods.
[6] The Beheaded also has access to weaponry from Hyper Light Drifter that was able to kill the Immortal Cell, and the Bone from Skul: The Hero Slayer, which could damage beings far beyond the Chimera, a false goddess powerful enough to destroy a continent.
[7] In some circumstances, the Beheaded has manipulated time himself, and managed to resist alterations to his past from the Time Keeper with his own willpower. Once, he even met up with a previous version of himself, which, of course, he promptly fought.
…
All right, the combatants are set, and we've run the data through all possibilities. It's time for a…
Death Battle!
…
Deep in the derelict Prisoner's Quarters, the Beheaded sat, unmoving.
It had been some hundreds of years since his last run around the island. All those he had "saved" were gone, now. Most were buried respectfully in the tombs. Only to be re-killed and re-buried a little less respectfully after they'd risen again. The Alchemist and Time Keeper had gone only a few decades past. They'd been called, the Time Keeper said. Some place that could actually be saved from something.
He didn't search for much of anything anymore. He'd explored every inch of this island so thoroughly that he knew, with no doubt, that there was no way off. He was trapped here. Undying and alone for eternity. Unless, by some miracle-
Reality shifted.
Pixels moved in and out of view. Color distorted. The headless king smelled the distinct scent of wrongness in the air. Scarcely daring to believe it, the Beheaded rose from his seat. If his dimension was merging again, he might be able to escape. Every other time, it'd been temporary, but if he could find even one person in that reality who could help…
Reality collected, and, in a two-by-two meter square, the two dimensions were one. And in the center of that square was a single Lamppost.
The Beheaded deflated a little. He knew from experience that, in order to leave, there needed to be a waypoint between the two worlds. A single object wasn't going to do it. But at least it was new. He began to walk up to the Lamp.
And, molded by the light, there was suddenly someone there, touching the Lamp. The stranger dressed in gothic attire with bandages around their lower face. This was unusual. Maybe they knew-
The stranger shrugged and tapped the Lamp again, vanishing into the air.
It is a waypoint! You just need the power to activate it! The Beheaded went from surprised to elated. He rushed over to the Lamp and began to experiment in every manner he could think of.
It was three hours before the Hunter appeared again.
Seeing the Beheaded much closer, currently in the process of trying to break the Lamp open with his Balanced Blade, the Hunter leapt back in surprise and drew their axe.
The Beheaded, meanwhile, was much happier to see them. "You! How do you activate this thing?"
The Hunter stared.
"Is it physical, through blood, maybe?"
The Hunter was, by habit, cautious, but they always tried to remember that part of being human, separating yourself from the beasts and gods alike, was to trust. They shook their head.
"Hmm." The Beheaded bent down, investigating the change in the glow as he approached in different ways. "Ah! Is it spiritual? It takes a specific soul, or contract?"
The Hunter nodded.
The Beheaded practically leapt. "Amazing! Can you give me a contract? Change my soul? Get me out of here?"
The Hunter cautiously approached the Beheaded. They reached out a hand to take the Beheaded's. Injection was needed to complete a contract. Even then, there were no guarantees it would work.
The Beheaded excitedly shoved out his arm, unintentionally exposing the dozens of sutures, tumors, and rotten flesh beneath it. The Hunter immediately felt their own arm begin to swell under this sickness and retracted their hand. They plunged the afflicted arm into their coat and rang the Choir Bell, healing them and granting them immunity to the sickness.
The Beheaded seemed confused. "What? Can't you do it?"
The Hunter shook their head. If this creature made its way to Yharnam, the entire island would be re-afflicted with another plague mere months after ending the last one. It wasn't worth the risk.
The Beheaded stepped back and rested three fingers on the hilt of his Balanced Blade. "Can't? Or won't?"
The Hunter shook their head.
The Beheaded inhaled deeply, his purple fire expanding. "I have been trapped here for close to a thousand years. I am going to leave one way or another." He took a step forward. "You say the waypoint only works for certain souls. Well, luckily, I happen to have a special ability. If I can kill your soul, I can absorb it. And then I can leave."
The Hunter's eyes dashed to the Lamp.
"Oh, don't even think of leaving. You see, I'm immortal. Your worst nightmare. It doesn't matter if it takes me a day or until this planet breaks under its own pressure. So long as your world and mine are merged, I will find a way there." He drew his blade. "The only way to stop me is to kill me."
The Hunter inhaled. In their head, they saw a healthbar for the creature. Fine. They'd fought worse.
They joined their axe and jumped at the Beheaded.
-FIGHT!-
The Beheaded swung his Balanced Blade at the Hunter's Axe.
The blade broke immediately.
The axe cut into the Beheaded, dislodging a large number of invisible gold coins in place of damage to his body. A burst of ice magic left the body, freezing the axe and the Hunter's entire left side. The only reason they weren't fully frozen is because they recognized what was happening mid-attack and activated Quickening, bursting into smoke and appearing a couple of meters back. A ring of a bell undid the ice, and the Hunter disjoined their axe, leaving their left hand open to shoot at the Beheaded.
The Beheaded easily ducked under the first shot and switched to the Oven Axe. He gathered his strength and swung in a powerful axe to the Hunter's side with enough force to cleave the godslayer in two. But it was far too slow a weapon, and the Hunter dashed back a pace and out of the way.
When the Beheaded pulled the Oven Axe up and gathered his strength to bring it down, the Hunter saw their chance and shot the Beheaded in the eye. The Beheaded stumbled, stunned from the blow, and the Hunter burst up to him and plunged their right hand into the Beheaded's body. What normally would have been an instant kill instead grasped the deepest layer of his invisible gold encrusting his body as armor. Pulling that out caused the entire armor to collapse.
The Beheaded leapt back and activated the Extra Crown, turning invisible. Hardly deterred, the Hunter pulled on their own Crown and saw through the invisibility, tracking the Beheaded as he fled into another room. The Hunter immediately gave chase, but once they entered the room, they were forced to stop in awe.
Within the thought-to-be-derelict dungeon was an immaculate treasury, containing not only trophies of victories past and thousands of corpses, but several dispensers holding hundreds of different weapons and items. Weapons and items that the Beheaded was currently decking himself out with.
The Hunter pulled out Ludwig's Holy Blade and joined it, creating an enormous greatsword. They used quickening to get to the Beheaded and attack, but the Beheaded blocked the swing with his Rampart shield, bounding the blade off while creating a momentary forcefield around him. He retaliated with the Maw of the Deep, or, as the Hunter saw it, a literal shark.
The Hunter dodged the first two swings of the Maw, but wasn't prepared for another shark leaping out of the sword and clenching its jaws around their face. As strange as this was, the Hunter had to admit that they had seen stranger. They launched a magical burst of energy from their eyes, disintegrating the shark, and barely dodging a stab from a trident in the Beheaded's hands.
The Beheaded saw the Hunter burst into smoke again and appear a few meters away before injecting themself with a vial of some kind. This healed the wounds on their face and seemed to renew their energy. The Beheaded tsked and threw out a stun grenade, blinding the Hunter while jumping in with the Giantkiller. The first strike caused a massive wound in the Hunter's chest, but they recovered quickly, throwing a molotov cocktail to the ground to force the Beheaded back before he could land another hit. Once they regained their bearings, they swung Ludwig Holy Blade, and the two enormous greatswords clashed.
The sound caused a crack in the nearby wall, and the two struggled in a contest of strength for a few minutes before the Beheaded switched into the Pure Nail. With the lighter blade, he rolled out and under the holy sword, and when the Hunter attempted another heavy attack, he simply blocked with the Nail, and every bit of that pressure reverberated onto the original blade.
As Ludwig's weapon spun out of the Hunter's hands, they burst into smoke and flew backwards to retrieve their sword. Immediately the Beheaded turned to gather and place every single trap and sentry that he could find. The Hunter caught him mid-placement and unleashed a wave of lightning to disable every trap and strike the Beheaded.
The Beheaded caught the lightning on the Pure Nail and pounded it back at the Hunter, who took the hit and plunged in another vial. The Beheaded took advantage of their distraction and shot their arms with the Ice Bow, freezing the Hunter to the wall. They would likely be able to escape quickly, so the Beheaded turned and launched the Laser Glaive, the lightsaber-esque spinning buzzsaw slicing deep into the Hunter, causing them to cry out as blood spurted everywhere. Satisfied, the Beheaded threw out the Tentacle, the extendable limb slamming into the Hunter's body, wrapping around their torso, and pulling it out, tearing the Hunter's body to pieces.
The Beheaded shrugged. "Hm. To be honest, I was hoping that would last a little longer." He went over to the dismembered torso and reached in, ready to absorb the blue cells that would grant him passage to another world.
Only for the body to fade away in his hands.
The Beheaded sat, extremely confused for a half-minute, until his entire body was unceremoniously crumpled into paste under a charged attack from the flaming Boom Hammer. The homunculus core eeked out of the body and immediately snatched a corpse from the pile to enter. Less than three seconds later, the Beheaded was reformed, and turned to see the Hunter standing behind his body, seemingly good as new.
The Hunter appeared curious as to how they were back as well, but decided not to question it and, instead, unleashed another strike with the Boom Hammer. This one, the Beheaded successfully rolled away from and towards the dispensers, snatching up the Buckler to block the next heavy attack. And, indeed, that worked. The explosion of sound from the Boom Hammer being brought down on the Buckler was incredible.
Almost as incredible as the Hunter immediately switching to the Rosmarinus, bypassing the shield and spraying out a magical mist that melted away all organic matter in the vicinity.
Except the homunculus core, of course, which was far too immortal for that to work. Luckily, it fell atop the corpses, and instantly gained a new host. The Beheaded sprang up again and angrily threw Buckler at the Hunter. They were able to block the bouncing shield, but it gave Beheaded time to grab a random weapon, which he immediately swung at the Hunter's head.
Which the Vorpan immediately broke against.
The Hunter shook their head almost pitifully and switched to the Whirligig Saw. The enormous sawblade caught the Beheaded's side as he attempted to roll under it, tearing through his flesh. The Beheaded finished his roll, snatched a weapon, and attacked with flashing fans. The Whirligig Saw easily defended against the close-range weapons, but the Hunter noticed that as long as the Beheaded attacked, he continually healed his wounds.
An odd coincidence, but that made him even more dangerous. The Hunter backed up and switched to the Church Cannon, firing an explosive round at the Beheaded. But it seemed the Beheaded's weapon was specifically made for projectiles, as with a simple catch-and-guide flowing movement, the steel fans redirected the cannonball back at the Hunter. The Hunter brought up their Loch Shield as quickly as they could, but they still caught the brunt of the explosive force. They were slammed against the wall with several broken bones and internal injuries.
Seeing a chance to end it now, the Beheaded pulled out the Giant's Whistle and blew into it. A moment later, the air grew heated, the room began to tremble, and a low vibration entered the ears of both combatants. In the few seconds it took for the Hunter to gather their bearings, the floor split open under the Hunter and a hand larger than both the Hunter and Beheaded combined burst through.
The Hunter leapt back into smoke, dodging the attempted blow, and seeing the skeletal giant clambering into a room that it was nearly larger than, pulled out their own Madaras Whistle and blew. In less than a second a ghostly serpent just as large as the Giant burst from a portal in the floor. It turned its attention to the flaming colossus and struck out with a hiss.
Sound swallowed up by the searing punches of a giant against a terrifying snake, the Hunter turned their attention back to the Beheaded, who now held the Fusion Drill laser gun. With a pull of the trigger, a massive yellow laser beam pierced the air, and the Hunter blocked it with the Loch Shield. The laser pushed against the shield with unyielding force, and the Hunter, being pinned to the wall, could only take the force on their forearm.
As it broke and bled, the Fusion Drill ran out of charge, and the Hunter retaliated with a Molotov Cocktail. The Beheaded rolled under the projectile, setting him up for the Numbing Mist the Hunter threw in front of them in preparation. So, when the Beheaded struck with the Malicious Skewer dagger, the Hunter chose to take the hit and drive the mace of the Whirligig Saw through the Beheaded's body. Mid-strike, they pulled the Beheaded in and joined the weapon, activating the buzzsaws and ripping the Beheaded's insides to shreds as the undead royal attempted to strike back.
To his surprise, his body did not heal from his attacks, while the Hunter's wounds were closing as he struck. And when he pulled back and drank from his flask, the potions simply fell through the holes in his stomach and did not heal him. The Hunter took advantage of the shock and struck ahead with the Saw Cleaver, using Quickening to close the distance. The Beheaded spat as he took the saw's strike, ignoring his pain and grasping the Hunter's hands attached to the weapon. The Beheaded headbutted them, burning the Hunter with his head of flame, and blasted into their arms with magical ice shards, freezing the two undying warriors' arms together.
The Hunter tried to pull back, but the frozen fusion held them to the Beheaded, who mentally called out several dozen playing cards to surround the Hunter and strike one at a time. The restrain on the Hunter's movements prevented them from dodging, and when they used Quickening, the Beheaded joined their smoke and traveled with them. The Beheaded set his eye as he recognized getting a win from the brink of failure… until the Hunter opened their mouth, revealing what looked to be a frozen pellet of blood.
With a snap of the jaw and the sound of ice crushing, a glow and low whirr entered the Hunter's eyes. With frenzied strength, they tore back against the ice with all their weight, immediately breaking the ice and tearing the Beheaded's arms off with their own. As the Beheaded reeled in pain, the Hunter didn't give him a chance for any mental recovery, as they replaced one of his dismembered arms with an Amygdalan Arm and clubbed the Beheaded's armless body with the palm of a god, turning the king prisoner into red mist.
That taken care of, the Hunter turned to the Giant, who had just pushed his flaming hand down the serpent's throat. As the snake wailed, the Giant whipped his arm, and therefore the serpent, into one of the dispensers. The snake's body was caught on the Titan Slayer, its wrapped thorns tearing into the reptile and dispersing magic smoke and blood alike. Life faded from the snake's eyes as the threat to the Giant ended.
Only to be replaced immediately as the Giant saw the Hunter leaping and running up the serpent's corpse. The Giant threw another flame-ridden punch with his left hand, but the Hunter burst into smoke and appeared above the Giant's head. As they fell, the Hunter switched their left and right-hand weapons. With the falling impact of a thousand blows, they punched down into the Giant's forehead with the Fist of Gratia, fracturing his skull and sending him to the ground faster than the Hunter was falling.
A good thing for the Hunter, for mid-air they joined their other weapon, the Stake Driver, and charged it fully. Landing exactly where they had fractured the forehead, they struck with the most powerful attack in their arsenal. With a blow that rattled the very universe itself and temporarily bent space around them, the Giant's head exploded, scattering blood and bits of brain around the room.
The Hunter stood, gasping. They slowly trotted off the corpse, injected a blood vial for healing- and exploded into a thousand pieces upon being struck in the back with a red boxing glove.
The Beheaded stood over what remained of the Hunter, which, was, at this point, little more than the stench of death. He sighed and took off the now-useless One Punch, tossing it to the floor.
Then he heard the sound of light forming into matter in the next room.
This is going to take a while.
…
How many years has it been? One? Five? Fifty?
The Beheaded didn't know. But as he stared at himself in his cracked mirror, he felt disturbed.
This is the last one.
For countless months, maybe years, now, the Hunter and the Beheaded had been fighting. The Hunter would show up at any one time during the day or night and surprise him. They used to go through many bodies, continually fighting until the Hunter exhausted themselves and left, but at some point, they'd hit the silent agreement of one body per battle. If he didn't so badly wish to leave, the Beheaded would have forgotten the reason for their constant duels a long time ago. At this point, they had battled likely thousands of times. They knew each other's fighting styles inside and out. When it came to ordinary weapons, there was nothing they could not predict about each other.
Not that it hadn't been interesting. The Beheaded had his favorite spars, of course. Somewhere in the Top Ten was the Hunt, the time the two had spent a week straight with nothing but Bowblades, searching the island for each other, hoping to end things in one good shot. There was also when he used one of his legendary items from another world to spiritually clone himself, and the Hunter had used a bell to summon one of their allies (Eileen, he thought she was called) to make it a 2v2.
And who could forget that one time where he'd pretended that he wanted to stop fighting and be friends, and spent a few days trying to learn their name so he could write it in the Death Note. Not the Hunter! They'd never really forgiven him for that. He assumed, anyway; even to this day, never once had he heard the Hunter speak.
But now, it was to be finished.
Most of their weapons had broken. The once-sturdy Prisoner's Quarters had enormous holes, debris everywhere, and one of the walls had caved in half a year ago. The Lamp had been stained a deep red in blood for longer than they could remember it not being. But that wasn't what had ceased their endless battle.
He was on his last body; he'd gone through every corpse on the island. The two of them had agreed upon this date long ago. Today was do or die. No leaving, no surrendering, nothing. The Beheaded, at least, had made himself very clear. If he could not beat the Hunter, if he could not earn passage to their world, he would rather no longer exist.
And so, this midnight, they used their final, secret weapons. The only ones the two genuinely believed could permanently kill the other. Both had scythes of death itself, and both had one secret weapon they refused to share any information about.
All in.
He heard the telltale merging of light in the Lamp-room, and turned.
Do or die.
…
The sound that was made when the Burial Blade and Death's Scythe clashed was haunting. It was as if some taboo was broken, like the universe itself could not comprehend two weapons of such endless death being unable to kill one another.
They could end anything else, as the Beheaded quickly demonstrated by killing the space between them and forcing the Hunter in front of him. Taken off-guard for the first time in years, the Hunter was slashed in the stomach, nearly disemboweled by death itself. They burst into smoke and appeared a distance away, injecting a blood vial.
Twenty-four.
The Beheaded killed space again, but the Hunter was ready. They stepped across the space, swinging the Burial Blade to sever the dream of victory from the Beheaded. This strike took off the Beheaded's left arm and caused Death's Scythe to clatter to the stone floor. The Beheaded kicked up, catching the last turn of the Burial Blade's handle and forcing it to the right. He rolled under the Hunter and between their legs, standing up on the other side as he took his fourth and final draught of his flask. His arm regrew and he launched himself at his Scythe at speeds surpassing light. But the Hunter was already picking it up as he was drinking. Predicting his movement, the Hunter crossed both scythes and struck an X-shaped mark of death into the Beheaded's chest. Assaulted by two immortal-killing causalities, the Beheaded's chest burst as he screamed in pain. But he wasn't done; he kicked his sandals out into the back of the Hunter's right knee so they would stumble, and in that stumbled he shoved his shoulder further in, granting him the perfect position to snatch one of the scythes, he didn't know which, and bring it down one more time. The Hunter barely had enough time to block.
But the universe had had enough.
Both fighters poured their all into this final clash, the sum total of all that was and could be through them. Death's Scythe killed the concept of scythes, and the Burial Blade severed the dream of death.
And, with a creak and a snap in the universe's fabric, both scythes were annihilated on the conceptual level. The explosion was contained only to the combatants and yet shook the whole of the multiverse, causing a cave-in across Dirtmouth, the Demon King's castle to fall apart, and Anor Londo to fall into eternal fissures under the planet's surface.
In another dimension, the Time Keeper was forced to physically grab hold of the strings of time and tie them into knots, and in a higher plane, a barrier that led to the council of the highest gods had a hole punctured into it. These events would one day drastically change the lives of millions.
But to the Hunter and the Beheaded, it was just an annoyance.
They both were flung to opposite sides of the room. The Beheaded's chest drained his blood, and the Hunter's leg jutted out too far and had its bones tear. Both collapsed, winded, wounded, and tired.
The Beheaded gasped, knees on the ground, leaking blood from the double-gash in his chest. He was out of healing, out of defenses and out of bodies.
But not out of options.
The ball of flame breathed heavily, and in doing so, the flame increased. He saw the Hunter trying to stand on their broken leg, before deciding the thing to do was to just tear it off and pop one more vial.
Twenty-five. You're out.
The leg regrew quickly, but that vial hadn't fixed everything. The Hunter was still clutching their side as they hobbled towards the fallen Beheaded.
The Beheaded made up his mind. He opened his backpack and took out one last resort.
"Gotta go all in on the final round, right?" he said with a mental smirk. He knew his opponent wouldn't reply. All the better.
As he injected the Panacea, the Beheaded thought to himself, The winner ought to have the last word.
From a dozen and a half meters away, the Hunter saw the kneeling body of their opponent spark and turn blue.
And then they felt a boot strike their chest with the power of endless souls and were launched back into a pile of rubble hard enough to form a mushroom cloud.
The Hunter groaned as they gathered the strength to stand back up, and barely saw the blue fist coming at them. They immediately burst into smoke and reformed a meter behind the Beheaded, whose dripping blood had turned a pale blue. The Panacea-infused Beheaded sent his foot backwards, having predicted this action, and the Hunter saw it phasing as it approached.
The Beheaded had now reached speeds so vast, they shifted his stability in space and time. Luckily, the Hunter was familiar with the concept. They forced him to miss with a Bestial Roar, and struck a Mark, causing them to vanish and reappear at the Lamp.
As soon as they reappeared, the Beheaded locked sight with the Hunter. The Hunter prepared themselves by drawing one final weapon out of seemingly nowhere; a greatsword just as pale as the Beheaded's body that shone with incredible effervescence. The Holy Moonlight Sword.
And so, the Beheaded drew his final weapon, one he had taken from his former wife long ago, and he had wished to never again use. A simple, thin rapier.
When the Hunter swung their moonlit greatsword, a crescent arc of pure blue energy was launched at the Beheaded. It burned space itself, and as it approached, the Beheaded sensed the burning in higher planes the weapon's magic caused. And as it would hit him, he struck the projectile with his rapier.
And space itself exploded.
A cut so fine, so intrinsic, it folded not just space and time, but the fabric of all that is. Suddenly, the moon-like arc was simply… no more. A tear in space remained, and in a moment, it flashed once more and sutured itself.
The Beheaded, impossibly, began to taste blood. He had less than a minute to finish this. But with a weapon that severs reality itself, all he needed was one good swing.
So he ran. And the Hunter swung. The Beheaded was shifting through space, slipping out of time, seeing his whole history and catching glimpses of deities that any regular human could not hope to comprehend. His speed was impossible. But the energy of the Holy Moonlight Sword was burning through it all, re-breaking his slips, catching the impossibilities, and still striking towards him.
So, as he ran, he blocked. He attacked. His rapier broke all barriers and reduced concepts to ashes. He was not sure how many projectiles he canceled out as he approached the Hunter; he mentally settled on either fourteen or an infinite number. But he did approach. He saw the widening of their eyes, the settling of their freed mouth, and them drawing over the Holy Moonlight Sword with lines of paper. The weapon alighted on fire and was consumed by electricity.
And then, the Beheaded was there. And he swung. And the Hunter blocked.
And the Holy Moonlight Sword broke into shards.
The Beheaded landed his reality-breaking rapier into the Hunter's chest, causing them to cry out. Their soul, connected to an eternal dream, now matched its everlasting bond with a blade that rended all to nothing. And their body was caught in the middle. Red blood flowed from their chest, mixing with the Beheaded's blue blood on the floor. When the second burst of the reality-break struck, the Hunter finally collapsed, shivering on the ground under more pain than the human body was capable of experiencing.
The Beheaded felt some pang of guilt. Over the years, the two had come to many understandings. They weren't friends, not even close, but there was, at least, some level of respect between them. While he needed victory, there was an emotional bitterness to that victory coming at a price like this.
But what else could be expected of someone like him? A selfish king. A murderous undead. He'd killed or driven away everyone else. He deserved nothing better. People couldn't help but fear those they knew were unnatural.
The Beheaded drove his blade a centimeter further in. "What did you expect?" He grabbed the Hunter's chin and forced it up, demanding the Hunter see his flame-wreathed eye and endless scars. He truly did look like a monster. "I'm a nightmare."
The Hunter inhaled.
And spoke.
"I'm not afraid of dreams."
Faster than time could perceive, the right hand of the Hunter plunged into the chest wound of the imbued king. The Beheaded didn't even have the perception of a moment needed to feel pain before the Hunter grasped his core and tore it out, spilling the bodies' organs around the battlefield and raining blue blood through the air. The body collapsed and faded, the homunculus core in the Hunter's hand no longer sustaining it.
The Beheaded launched a tendril at the Hunter's face, intending to suck out what bits of life they had left, but the Hunter was faster. They struck the homunculus core with their left hand.
A hand containing a sigil. A Hunter's Mark.
For a moment, everything was black.
…
The Beheaded's homunculus core awoke in a field of flowers. It was midday, and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Nor a sound of an insect, or whisper of wind. He somehow knew that there was a cottage to his left, and in the same way, he knew that he was alone.
Always alone.
Music played. Always. Sweet music that droned and relaxed. It beheld an endless sleep. And when the homunculus attempted to lift even a tendril, he found the weight on his mind unbearable. The entirety of the heavens above fell upon him. Through music.
In a plane many infinites lower, the Hunter clutched their burning arm. The immortal battle was past, but the Beheaded himself had said that there was no way to truly end it. Even if it took a year, a millennium, or an infinity of time, he would escape.
It had been made clear, the one message the Beheaded had ended every one of their last forty-three battles with:
"When the time comes, if you can, kill me."
The Hunter was tied to the Dream. They sustained it, remembered it, and made it real. Even the Doll had left long ago, yet even then, so long as the music played, they endured the Dream. But all things have an ending.
The Hunter closed their eyes.
They rested. They Dreamed. Of higher realities, endless time, and all unknown worlds. Of reincarnating heroes, shades of void, human will, infinite timelines, flame-borne killers, puppets on string, genetic monstrosities, blood-curdling revenge, twice-fed-monsters, and beings that play with concepts as humans play with toys.
The music stopped.
And the Hunter performed the one action that will conquer any nightmare, no matter how powerful.
They woke up.
-KO!-
In the moment the Hunter awoke, they severed the Dream, and it popped like a bubble. Everything within vanished, as though it had never been. Including the remains of a headless king.
The Hunter groaned in pain once more, and managed to successfully stand. They pulled the rapier out of their chest, and stumbled forward. They had no Vials, but their wounds would still heal over time. They wandered to the hole that had been made in the dungeon, gazing into a new sunrise; the night was over.
Now, they thought, how the hell do I get off of this island?
…
Conclusion
TWO: So… are we absolutely sure he's dead?
LZ: Discerning a winner here was extraordinarily difficult for several reasons. The least of which was their power levels.
TWO: Yeah, while most matches might be decided by Tons of TNT and all that, this one's a bit different. Even so, they actually evened out pretty well there. Sure, defeating Drac and destroying the Castlevania would take power at least on the level of an infinite universe, but the Hunter handling folks like Micolash and Rom showed they more than had what it took to keep up.
LZ: And while you might be able to scale the Beheaded to some infinite timelines stuff with Guacamelee and Time Reaper, even scaling to a lower-end Cthulhu Mythos creature like Flora is in that same tier of power. Maybe even more, depending on how you interpret it.
TWO: As for speed, both had direct feats reacting to light-speed attacks, but could also dodge higher beings that can ignore the concept of speed entirely, so they even out no matter what level we give them there.[1] Both could buff themselves with runes, mutations, blood gems, and legendary affixes, but even then, the bunch of it just evens out.
LZ: What truly made this so difficult was the two's immortality. Both could survive quite a bit even in their regular bodies, but it didn't really matter, because both could survive anything in their true form. Even weapons explicitly made to kill them don't work.
TWO: Ironically, both's biggest showings of immortality are tied to their performances against deadly scythes that they now wield themselves. Death, while a magical being and not, ya know, the grim reaper, was still able to kill immortal beings and even incorporeal concepts, like space. Meanwhile, the Burial Blade could sever connections to the Dream, causin' every strike to be lethal on a level even beyond what immortal-killing weapons were capable of. And Flora could end the Dream itself.
LZ: When one can survive attacks that kill space and the other can survive attacks that can kill dreams, what's left?
TWO: A never-ending battle, that's what. Both had weapons that could attack souls, rend all planes of existence, and kill immortal creatures. But none of that would work. Not even the Burial Blade or Death's Scythe would work on the other guy. The two would just keep killing each other's body over and over in a cycle that lasts forever.
LZ: However, there was one way out. One of them had a weakness to their immortality. Because while the Hunter could keep spawning in with as many bodies as they wanted, the Beheaded has to find a new one every single time he falls apart.
TWO: Sure, he has thousands of them stocked around High Peak, maybe even tens or hundreds of thousands. But in a fight that goes on literally forever, that just isn't enough. Eventually, the world runs out of people. Or the Hunter manages to kill enough bodies before dying themself to get some time with the moss core. No matter what, eventually, the Hunter is gonna manage to find the Beheaded in his blob form for a few minutes.
LZ: Which would be more than enough. The Hunter is actually acquainted with this sort of immortality via Annelise, and would be able to capture or trap the mostly-helpless homunculus body of the Beheaded. From there, they could handle things how they saw fit; they could tie him up in a concrete coffin at the bottom of the ocean, reverse his age until he didn't exist with the Altar of Despair, or simply bring him to an infinite dimension like Moonside Lake, the Hunter's Nightmare, or even the Dream, and just leave him there. Unlike the Hunter, he would have no possible way to escape. In fact, it's possible they could do that even while he was in a typical body via Hunter's Mark. It would just be far more difficult.
TWO: Also, the Hunter had way more experience fighting and killing immortal beings. The one and only immortal guy the Beheaded ever fought, Dracula, he didn't perma-kill, just destroyed that body. But every one of those chthonic gods is supposed to be immortal on a scale that's incomprehensible to humans. So even if they couldn't directly kill him, the Hunter would still have a much better idea of how to handle the Beheaded than the other way around.
LZ: This wasn't the Hunter's only advantage. Sure, the Beheaded's arsenal was far, far larger, but most of it didn't matter. There are only a very few weapons in either Curse of the Dead Gods or Soul Knight that could even arguably affect a body as powerful as the Hunter's, and most of his Dead Cells arsenal would also be similarly useless.[2]
TWO: While all his weapons in gameplay can affect even beings as powerful as Dracula, the lore rooms, dialogue, and shorts make it super clear that these weapons are all different and on separate levels of power. The vorpan and panchaku are literally just frying pans. Not magic. Not special. Just regular frying pans.
LZ: Yet they're in the same game as a weapon that cuts through reality. Under that lens, every single item and skill has to be measured in its own worth, and that dwindles down the amount of weapons that could hurt the Hunter to very low levels. Even lower than what the Hunter has.
TWO: Unlike Dead Cells, all your powers and weapons in Bloodborne (except maybe the wheel) are very explicitly meant to kill Cthulhu monsters. So everything the Hunter's got can hurt the Beheaded's body, but the Beheaded has to keep searching for stuff that works on the Hunter. Heck, that probably means the Hunter wins the first few rounds, giving them plenty of opportunity to handle the immortal moss.
LZ: Also, if the both of them truly fight each other across tens of thousands of lives, at some point, the Hunter is going to switch tactics. There is absolutely no way that they would allow all these fights to take place within the Prisoner's Quarters. They may even turn their attention to destroying or sealing off the Quarters themselves, thus removing almost the entire arsenal of the Beheaded; mutations, aspects, weapons, everything is tied to the Beheaded's home base. The same is arguably true for the Hunter, but unlike the Prisoner's Quarters, the Beheaded has no way of entering the Dream unless he is brought there by the Hunter, and no way of affecting it even if he was brought there.
TWO: And to address a couple specific items: the Death Note explicitly can't kill immortal creatures,[3] the One Punch would just cause another regeneration, and while the Starfury can hurt the Moon Lord, an alternate version of Cthulhu, unlike Bloodborne, Terraria's Cthulhu is just inspired by the lovecraftian monster and doesn't have that kind of power. We hear about his cosmology and powers. It's super different to the OG, and super duper different to the direct influence of Bloodborne.
LZ: The Hunter held far more healing on them at any given time, and any methods the Beheaded had of keeping up with that, like with gold or the Nirvana Cross, were temporary and would cease to play a role after a few bodies. The Hunter could even prevent the Beheaded from healing at all with Numbing Mist. The Hunter was capable of retreating to their own home base at any point and could transport themselves between lamps all across Yharnam at a moment's notice, something the Beheaded couldn't do at all. And quickening outmatches every single temporary-invincibility or forcefield that the Beheaded has.
TWO: The Beheaded definitely still had some advantages. The Panacea was a way stronger buff than Beast Pellets, and being invincible while using Rally would make the Hunter super jelly. But little of that stacks up, most is one-body-one-use, and none of it does a darn thing to kill the immortal Hunter. Maybe he could get them to run out of resources, but the Hunter's Dream is infinite, so, with both characters at their max potential, they literally couldn't. Maybe he could wait for them to die of old age, but with constant blood transfusions, hunters have crazy-long lives. And when ours can dream harder than Flora, a Great One, they can definitely do more than early-days Hypnos, a Lovecraft dreamer guy who stopped himself from aging.
LZ: Bottom line: there were very, very few ways this could end. And all of them are in favor of the Hunter.
TWO: And remember, scaling the Hunter to Flora put them at or above the tippity-top of what we can argue for Beheaded. But that's a Level 4 Hunter. Max level, full weapon upgrades, all buffs, they can one-shot the lovecraftian deity. Even the best of the best of what the Beheaded has seen can't get within an inch of that.[4]
LZ: This was a near-impossible one, but the Hunter's greater experience with immortals, alternative methods of finishing the fight, consistent arsenal, and high scaling allowed them to take it. Even if we discounted immortality as a whole, one body against one body, the dream-slayer still has the edge in every category that counts.
TWO: Huh. Is this the shortest conclusion we've had?
LZ: Hm. Yeah. At least, for characters this complicated. It's all… pretty straightforward.
TWO: Well, this was a Nightmare of a bout, but the High King hit his Peak too early. The Beheaded's chances of winning were all but Dead. Cells fill with the endless corpses he stacks up trying to do so, but in the end, he didn't have enough HP, and Love Crafts a win.
The winner is… the Hunter of Bloodborne.
…
Special Notes (For the Conclusion):
[1] Other hunters, such as those in the comics, began to perceive time and space differently after being affected by Great Ones, and Eileen even used this to her advantage to force her presence into the Moonside Lake without traveling to the portal in Byrgenwerth. In Cthulhu Cosmology, even the weakest Old Great Ones are still imperceptible to beings that exist within space, and in-game regular scholars in Mensis must alter their own biology to even comprehend the spatial features of the Great Ones they call out to. There is more than enough evidence that the concept of space could be ignored by the Hunter in the same vein as Death, but if we interpret this to lower scaling, we must also do so for Castlevania, especially as many of its characters are distinctly measurable and Death "killing space" is considered a move akin to teleportation in his world.
[2] Captain America's shield could protect from the Hunter's weaponry, but it is highly unlikely that the Beheaded could wield it with the same proficiency Steve Rogers does. In addition, it had no defenses to the Hunter's magical weaponry and abilities, and even its strongest showing (against Galactus) is non-canon, and quite questionable when characters like the Serpent and Ultron can break it in-canon.
[3] If the Beheaded somehow discovers the Hunter's true name, he could potentially keep writing it down every time the Hunter respawned until he had enough time to set up some sort of containment. However, the Death Note will not kill the same individual twice if the first time worked, and even if you argue that it didn't work, a person written down four times becomes forever immune to the notebook. Even in the best-case scenario, the Death Note only kills the Hunter's body four times. The Hunter could also steal the book themselves to use, and since the Beheaded's immortality is tied into his physical (technically human) body, not a connection with the Dream Land, there's a far higher chance of the book permanently killing him than the Hunter.
[4] While Lovecraft's basis for many of his stories is the irrelevance of humanity, he has written counters to this approach many times, almost always via willpower. The human Randolph Carter eventually gained even enough willpower and dream energy to reside in the outerverse with gods such as Yog-Sothoth, and perceived all his stories as fictional, proving there is no hard limit to the scope a human is capable of in this fictional cosmology so long as they have enough willpower and magic.
…
Next time, on Death Battle…
A scarred prince steadies a stance against one of the strongest firebenders in history. As she moves, he unleashes a wave of fire to meet hers.
VS
An enraged colonel pulls hard on one of his white gloves, then snaps his fingers. The green monster he is facing screams as its eyes are burned out.
(Zuko VS Roy Mustang)
Woah, do I not have a bunch of stuff to say about this episode? I mean, I guess I frontloaded it, and I actually do but I'm saving it for the Season 3 Extravaganza. I guess it's pretty obvious that I wanted to include a lot more in the fight sequence than I did. It genuinely might have been the longest-written fight in the show, but it would have been a lot of the same, and the reader would just sit there, knowing none of it meant anything, so ultimately it got shortened to 4k words or so with me just including the highlights.
I would kill for either of these characters to get an official episode where they can actually show their stuff in an animation. Even though Bloodborne VS Monster Hunter is a huge stomp once you get into the higher tiers, it'd still be some of the best potential for analysis script and a fight animation out there. I'd even be happy if they gave the win to MH. And any 2D fight that involves the Beheaded is basically guaranteed to be wild beyond wild. But I'm pretty sure only in written form or hand-drawn (which would be bad for both) can you have characters this visually different fighting.
Yeah, that's all, I guess. I hope the Dead Cells show is good, I hope we eventually get Bloodborne ports, and I hope for a million dollars to drop into my lap. But, more than anything, I hope you enjoyed this one. As always, leave reviews, suggest matchups, and tune in next time for one of the all-time classic Death Battle suggestions. There's an unironic chance that the official show releases this exact episode before I do. Which would be hilarious. And sad.
I should probably work on it so that doesn't happen.
See ya!