Chapter 13
The Next Mission
Ron spent the next few days in the Hospital Wing recovering and Harry and Hermione visited at every opportunity. They had decided to forgo any apologies from either party, and Hermione started with Ron on a blank slate. She had missed him terribly as a friend the past few months, and she was feeling burdened by all the secrets she was keeping.
That weekend, the Gryffindor-Hufflepuff Quidditch match ended disastrously for Gryffindor with McLaggen ruining the game and ensuring Harry's weekend stint in the Hospital Wing alongside Ron. Hermione took the opportunity when Harry was away from the Marauder's Map to pay a visit to Dumbledore, who had not yet gotten an earful from her about the poisoning.
This was how she found herself standing in front of his desk for the first time in months as he frowned and looked up at her in contemplative silence.
"Headmaster, I must implore you to reconsider keeping the perpetrator's identity secret," she said, having rehearsed this somewhat. "From the little that I've deduced based on what happened on Christmas Eve, you and Professor Snape have a strong indication as to who is committing these attacks on students. I just don't think it can be prudent to keep this information hidden any longer when I was nearly kidnapped- or worse- and Ron nearly died from poisoning. Katie Bell was sick for weeks as well, and I just think-"
"Miss Granger," the headmaster said quietly. "I am glad that you, Miss Bell, and Mr. Weasley have not sustained lasting harm. Professor Snape believes that there is no longer a danger of attacks against individual students."
"But even if there were," she blurted out, "he couldn't prevent it, could he?"
Dumbledore looked back at her for a moment before inclining his head slightly. "No, you are correct. He would inform me of what he knew, but he might not be able to prevent it."
"You are putting us all in an impossible situation, sir." Hermione said quietly, willing herself not to cry. She felt like she had to argue on behalf of Severus as well, not only the students. She had seen what the knowledge was doing to him.
Dumbledore smiled kindly at her then. "Why Miss Granger, are you concerned about your Professor?"
Hermione blushed furiously, not expecting this.
"I… he… he saved me, sir. He is a good man, and I can't help but be thankful to him. I admire his bravery and dedication…" Among other qualities. "…and I am concerned for the burden he bears."
He nodded and slowly rose to his feet, walking around the desk leisurely and looking around the room at the portraits and objects around the wall, as if they would indicate what he should say next.
"I have been wondering about your next assignment, Miss Granger."
Hermione's ears perked up. She had completely forgotten! This is what Future-Hermione had warned her she needed. Wasn't she supposed to blackmail her way to getting this though?
"I am still not completely convinced you are the person for the job, but I will allow you to plead your case now." He said genially.
Before Hermione knew what was happening- before her brain could catch up with her mouth- the same thing that had occurred back in his office the last time happened again. Hermione spoke and it was as if there was no explanation for her speech but that it had already happened this way or that it was meant to. The thought had already occurred to some other version of Hermione in some other time, so it didn't matter that this present Hermione didn't think before she spoke. The words tumbled out of her mouth on their own volition. She hoped the words tumbled, at least, and didn't get vomited out like slugs.
"I know about the wand."
Dumbledore's eyes snapped up to hers. He frowned. He looked almost worried.
"Go on."
No, it definitely felt like word vomit.
"In May 1998, when I followed Voldemort and his snake to retrieve the venom from the rat, I heard him talking about a problem he was having about Harry and… the wand." Hermione stopped there, no longer feeling any compulsion from some unknown source.
"Well, Miss Granger?" Dumbledore whispered. "What else did you discover?"
Ah ha. Hermione felt a Severus Snape smirk coming on and she did her best to hide it.
"I believe you were telling me about my next assignment, sir?"
Dumbledore's eyes narrowed. "I am serious, Miss Granger. This is of vital importance."
"I believe the other mission with the time-turner is as well, sir." She said quietly, trying not to grin.
"I will not ask again."
"I will tell you when I return, sir."
For a flash of a moment, Albus Dumbledore appeared to be furious- angered to the point of violence, perhaps. It was an expression that faded immediately, not remaining long enough to even allow Hermione to register it and be frightened by it.
It was replaced by a look of impressed bewilderment.
Dumbledore shrugged and smiled.
"I suppose that is evidence enough that you are up to the challenge of this mission." He said.
Dumbledore brought a hand up to stroke his beard and mustache, looking upward to the ceiling as he did so. After a pause, he gestured for her to sit before his desk as he came back around it. Hermione came in front of the chair, but continued standing, still on the alert.
He opened a drawer and pulled out the adapted time-turner Hermione recognized from her Order mission back in September, as well as a scrap of parchment.
He handed the parchment to her.
Hermione looked down at the parchment and kept herself from gasping.
She thought if she opened her mouth too soon, she might throw up all over it.
"1977?" She whispered in disbelief. "I- I thought…"
She had thought she would be going backward less than two years to leave the antivenin at St. Mungo's for Mr. Weasley. She had felt so damn clever about having pieced it all together, too.
Hermione started to feel a little bit dizzy and numbly lowered herself into the waiting chair behind her.
"I don't understand, sir." She said.
Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, I think you will need to be prepared, Hermione. As you can see by the dates, we have some time before you need to leave. When the day comes, you will need to be prepared to leave at a moment's notice, even if you are to be pulled out of class or gotten out of bed in the middle of the night."
Hermione nodded, her mind still trying to grasp the heaviness of what lay before her. Skipping a year or two and potentially getting stuck was unfortunate, but it was not so far away from her present time that it was undoable. This long, however? It was 20 years.
She looked down again.
Protect Lily Evans Potter with your life.
Hermione took a deep breath.
"Am I meant to die, sir?" She said shakily. "Or… or are you trying to send me to change the timeline?"
Dumbledore looked at her appraisingly. "No, Hermione," he said, addressing her familiarly to show the gravity of the situation. "I am not."
"Why would you give me such a mission then?" She asked, wide-eyed. She was still too shocked to be angry at this, but it came out a little more bitterly than she felt.
"I can only guess at the wording," he replied calmly. "It is you who wrote that and gave it to me to pass on."
"I don't suppose you will reveal the exact circumstances behind that?" Hermione answered flatly.
Dumbledore smiled, somewhat infuriatingly, thought Hermione. "Astute as always."
He reached for the bowl on his desk and offered her a candy, which she took, needing something to do to avoid fidgeting or shaking.
"However," he continued after she began sucking on the lemon drop, "I will tell you my guess at the wording." His eyes flashed and he peered down at her above his half-moon spectacles. "I can see that you care for Professor Snape's wellbeing. This mission is to do with him."
Hermione frowned as she listened, her brow furrowing and nose wrinkling.
"You see, Hermione, I believe that I- rather, we- can trust your discretion. You have not told Harry of the events which occurred on Christmas, nor of your suspicions about the culprit behind the attacks. I trust you will keep this information just as private." It was a question, she realized, as he paused waiting for her answer. She nodded emphatically, not wanting to interrupt.
"Professor Snape is a spy against Voldemort. Due to his position, he has many requirements that are… less than pleasant. Soon, however, he will have some tasks that are an unthinkable burden."
"You are correct that I care for his wellbeing, sir. I will do what I can to lighten the burden." Hermione said levelly.
"Based on your actions here, I see you understand the necessity of sometimes… withholding and granting information at appropriate times." Blackmail and Extortion, Hermione translated internally. "I am afraid I have, in my use of this technique, miscalculated the motivation behind Professor Snape's continued cooperation. It is an exceedingly heavy burden, and I do not wish him to break under the weight of it."
Hermione tried to keep herself calm in this moment, but she began to stiffen and seethe.
You want my help in blackmailing Severus. You want my help in keeping him in line. He is a loyal and honourable man. He would never shirk from his duty without cause. What the bloody hell are you trying to get him to do.
Her eyes flashed at the headmaster. "Please explain, sir. What does Lily Potter have to do with Professor Snape's… burden?"
"This is not to leave this room. You may not mention it to Severus, either."
"We have already established this." Hermione said coldly.
Dumbledore had a strange look on his face then, almost appearing guilty. It was gone as quickly as it came. "I tell you this reluctantly. Severus swore me to secrecy many years ago, but I fear… I think revealing it cannot be helped. I think also that I have strangely… that I have already told you this… or at any rate, that you have already heard it from me. Time travel has a strange way of making these things unavoidable."
He cleared his throat and straightened in his chair. Hermione met his eyes, determined to absorb everything.
"Severus Snape loved Lily Evans, even after she became Lily Potter. They grew up together and were friends in school before he joined the Death Eaters. Due to his devotion to her, he turned spy against the Death Eaters in order to protect her from Voldemort, and he set himself up as a teacher at the school in order to play double agent for the Order of the Phoenix. She is the reason he finds himself in the precarious position he is currently in."
Hermione was surprised, but… surprisingly enough to herself, she was not shocked.
Hermione knew by now that Severus was a deeply passionate man, capable of devotion and risking himself for another, and that he had a past she could not have guessed at. Professor Slughorn had mentioned that Severus had been Potions lab partners with Lily when they were in school, so she knew they had been friends at some point.
Yes, she thought grimly, this probably was not a good thing to tell Harry.
"What I did not account for, however," Dumbledore continued, "was that she remains his current motivation. I did not realize his love for her had endured all these years. Through marriage to another and through death, I knew. Yet it has been many years, and time is known to heal these things."
Unbiddenly, Hermione felt a sour, sickening feeling rise in her throat. It became harder to swallow and her chest constricted painfully.
"His current motivation?" She said hoarsely.
Dumbledore nodded, not seeing her distress, or not acknowledging it if he did. "Yes, I was surprised as well. I saw his Patronus the other night and he confirmed it when I questioned him."
Hermione did show some look of confusion that he noticed then, and he chuckled lightly. "Yes, a Patronus can be an indication of many things, such as an allegiance to a goal, or devotion to a person. It often changes when a person's deepest beliefs or feelings change. Love is one example- not the feelings of passion, but the fidelity that accompanies action."
"I did not know that was the reason behind it changing." Hermione responded weakly, her own voice sounding foreign to her. Maybe it was love for Tonks that caused her Patronus change too.
"I'm sure you know Harry's Patronus?"
"A stag."
"Yes, just as his father James' was. Lily's Patronus was a doe. So is Professor Snape's."
Hermione nodded, eyes wide and mind swirling. She felt the aching gongs in her chest again that made her feel like groaning in pain. Last time they had said, dead and dying, imagining Severus bleeding to death on the floor of the Shrieking Shack.
Now they gonged something else.
"I still don't…" Hermione struggled to find the words. "She… she died." Hermione lifted the parchment up and waved it weakly.
"Yes, the wording. I am getting there." He offered her another lemon drop and she took a handful, nervously sucking one to keep her mouth from going dry again and prepared to pop another in her mouth as soon as that was gone.
"I am sure Harry shared the words of the prophecy with you. Harry was born to 'those who defied the Dark Lord three times.'" At her nod, he moved on. "Tell me Hermione," he looked at her quizzically. "What do you imagine happens to those who defy Voldemort?"
She swallowed the lemon drop as she gulped. "I can't imagine they'd live too much longer after."
"How did the Potters live long enough to defy him three times?" Hermione looked at him, beginning to understand now.
"I see you understand the need to protect Lily Potter- even before she was Potter, while she was still Evans. There were others who defied Voldemort as well, but I could vouch for their protection as Aurors and Order members during this time period. The Potters were still in school in 1977 and were not put under explicit protection until…" he trailed off. "…until Professor Snape came to me and asked for their protection. He was the one who overheard the prophecy and reported it to Voldemort. He did not overhear the entirety of it, and he had no idea who it pertained to. He was immediately remorseful when he realized that Voldemort believed it applied to the Potters. Then he came to me."
"When was that, sir?"
Dumbledore met her eyes, knowing this would frighten her. "Shortly after Harry Potter was born."
"Harry was born… his birth year is 1980."
Dumbledore gave no reaction, simply staring at her and waiting.
"NO!" Hermione leapt to her feet. "This parchment says 1977. August 1977! Harry's birthday is July 31, 1980. You can't be telling me that I'm waiting around in the past for three years, Professor!"
"The parchment says nothing about waiting around. You are on protection duty, I believe."
"I'm protecting her so- so what? So she can die at the correct time? She won't die in 1977 but she'll still die when Harry is a baby and leave him orphaned! This is… how… how can I do that?!" She protested.
"There are many reasons, Hermione." Albus Dumbledore said firmly. "Lily Evans needs to live long enough to marry James Potter and give birth to Harry Potter. As tragic as their deaths were, Voldemort was defeated when he tried to kill both them and Harry, preventing many many more deaths by his hand and those of his followers. Without his mother's death and protection, Harry would not be alive. Without his mother's death, even if he had lived somehow, Harry Potter would not be the same person he is today… and neither would Severus Snape."
Hermione's face flushed and hair frizzed outward.
So this is how it was, was it? He wanted to send her back to save the woman Severus loved, but only for a limited time. Then she was supposed to let her die and cause Severus exceeding pain because of it. It was the worst of both worlds.
"And you need Severus Snape." Hermione said between gritted teeth.
"Yes." The headmaster looked very old and weary. "Yes, I do not think we can win this war without him. If the memory of Lily Potter is what still drives him forward, then we must do what we can to ensure he has that memory. I cannot say if the timeline would remain the same if you did not take this mission… If you will not agree, it cannot be helped…. however, I am loathe to risk it."
Hermione felt like screaming and crying all at once.
No, she wanted to run and find Severus and tell him everything, absolutely everything she knew. She felt like she was being told to save him and betray him all at once. Kill the woman he loved but save her first so he could love her. Ensure he could not fully love Hermione now, but ensure that there was only the memory of a ghost for her to compete with.
"Hermione, will you accept this mission? For Professor Snape's sake? For Harry's?"
Hermione fell back into the seat, tears streaming down her face.
Professor Dumbledore sighed, knowing lemon drops would not do now.
He reached into another drawer in the desk and pulled out the big guns.
Chocolate.
Hermione went through the motions in classes for the next month. At least she and Ron were back to being friends again, even if he was grumbling about trying to get rid of Lavender and sneaking glances at Hermione a little too frequently. Hermione would think about it all and smirk. Getting rid of Lavender was perhaps the only thing to look forward to.
Whenever she had time to herself now, she was researching the 1970s and 80s. It was one thing to have a fairly good passing knowledge of history and culture from 20 years ago, but it was another to pass off as having lived through it. Muggle culture was one thing, wizarding was another. Hermione tried to absorb as much as she could about politics and world events, zoning in on the years of 1977 through 1981, when Lily Potter was eventually killed. Dumbledore had not told her explicitly how long she would be staying in the past, but it could be as long as three or four years.
Dumbledore had not told her much of anything, really. She scowled, thinking he was being extremely unhelpful in forcing her hand as much as he seemed to want to control the situation. Perhaps he thought her actions would be more sincere and less able to be seen as suspicious the less she was told.
Occlumency practice was as important as ever now, with the knowledge Hermione had to hide from everyone, including Severus. She had tried to examine his behavior from the last few months over and over again from multiple angles. Had this Severus already met her in 1977 or not? Perhaps he hadn't, and this journey would create a new timeline, as much as Dumbledore now hoped to prevent that. Future-Hermione had seemed sure that time was looped, however, dispelling the notion of alternate timelines. Maybe Hermione stayed away from the past Severus and he never interacted with her at all, making her fears completely negligible. Even so, she worked on planting false memories of growing up in the 60s and 70s near the outer planes of her mind.
It was all so hard to fathom.
Maybe, she feared, maybe he didn't know at all. Maybe she appeared so different now than she had in 1977 that he had no idea of her travels and he would feel completely betrayed once he found out she had doomed Lily to an early death. Perhaps he could have fallen in love with Hermione in the present 1997 if not for the revelation of what she had done- would do.
It hurt too much to feel or to think about, so she shut it all behind the furthest Occlumency layers of her mind and heart, willing only the upcoming Apparition exams and rekindled friendship with Ron near the front.
Albus Dumbledore had given Hermione nearly nothing to go on, only her arrival date and the explanation that the past Dumbledore would give her a difficult time of things. It was her initiative to come up with a plan- a backstory for the young woman who could fit into the Hogwarts of 1977 and provide protection for Lily Evans, then Lily Potter. Hermione had thought for a while of what she could live with and set about researching her alias. Clearly, she understood who A. H. Perri was now.
After a few weeks of study, she saw that Professor Dumbledore was back in the castle and took her chance to slip away to quiz him about what was to come- or had already occurred.
To her shock, he revealed that there was little that had been done to hide her identity.
"No, Miss Granger. Do not use a glamour or Polyjuice potion," he said firmly.
"But- but sir-"
He cut her off, holding up his hand. "Long term, a glamour would not hold up, and Polyjuice potion would have to be made continuously, using up ingredients and making its use more difficult to hide."
"Sir, I…" Hermione huffed frustratedly, this new information spoiling some of her plans and research. "How… how is it that no one has recognized me?"
Dumbledore's eyes shifted to the side and he paused, debating how much he should tell her, before answering. "Some have."
Hermione's jaw dropped. "And you still didn't think I should take the mission? When it clearly already happened?"
"I did not see the need for it," he replied sternly, eyes narrowing. "Time is a strange thing, and it is hard to predict one's future feelings or actions. I did not see why I would possibly want to send you in the future- my future- so I hoped that this aspect of the timeline could be altered. Now, I see that I was incorrect."
"Who?" Hermione demanded. "Who knows?"
"Miss Granger…" Dumbledore intoned warningly. "You should wait to find out. It does you no good to learn from others what you should find out for yourself. If that were to influence your actions, who knows what would happen."
"Does Professor Snape know?" Hermione whispered, wide-eyed and fearful. Of what, she wasn't exactly sure. She hadn't figured out how all this tied in to… everything.
Professor Dumbledore hesitated, but decided to answer indirectly. "Any of your professors who have viewed your entire student file would know."
Hermione was floored. "But… but they've never said… I mean…"
"As your Head of House, Professor McGonagall knew for certain that you were a competent candidate for time-turner usage." He peered over his half-moon spectacles as Hermione sputtered in shock. "As for the other professors… I cannot say for sure who has perused your entire student record, but it is not standard to do so for every student, so it is possible none of the rest are aware. From your reaction, I can only surmise that anyone who knows has been appropriately discrete."
"What… how…"
"You will say nothing, of course. There is no need for your routine to change." This last bit was said warningly. Do not mention this to any of your teachers, despite what you think they know.
Hermione nodded numbly and turned to go.
"Miss Granger," Professor Dumbledore called, causing her to turn back. "Discretion is still key during your mission. There is no need to draw attention to yourself or force interactions with anyone simply because you believe them to already have knowledge of your journey through time."
Hermione's eyes narrowed, but she nodded, nonetheless.
While before Severus had been avoiding her, now she had been avoiding him. He must know, mustn't he?
She finally understood what her future self had said to her at Spinner's End. You can only trust Severus, and only after the next mission. Hermione couldn't talk to him about everything until they were both caught up in knowledge about their respective timelines. He must know something of her in the past or have found it out at some point once she came to Hogwarts and he viewed her records.
Didn't this make his pursuit of her, their…interactions… all the more confusing? It did to Hermione.
Hermione's feelings had not abated. Even without intimate contact, she still had regular interactions of the teacher-student sort with Severus, so it was difficult to get him out of her mind.
As the weeks passed, a wet and cloudy March turned into a warm and windy April. Flowers began to bloom in random patches on the Hogwarts grounds and it became more regular to study outside, though sweaters and lighter cloaks were still a necessity to protect from the sometimes-biting wind. Hermione completed her Apparition exam with full marks, certified now to apparate as an adult witch. There would be no repeats now of the disaster of communicating with the Wizarding world that occurred on Christmas Eve. Now in an emergency, Hermione could simply apparate to find help.
After the Apparition test, Ron (who had only just failed) and Hermione returned to the Gryffindor common room to find that Harry had ordered Dobby and Kreacher to tail Malfoy. Hermione had more objection to the idea that Harry was mistreating the house elves than that he was suspicious of Malfoy. She had come to be similarly suspicious of him but had decided not to encourage Harry on the trail anymore. Malfoy could be behind the attacks, she reasoned. Besides, she had more important things on her mind to worry about. The best she would do about Harry was to push him towards getting the Horcrux memory from Slughorn.
That did indeed happen not too much later.
Harry told her and Ron the whole story during Charms class one day with a well-placed 'Muffliato' that he had learned from his annotated Potions book. It was the morning after Harry had helped Hagrid bury Aragog and Harry had been able to invite Slughorn along. It was Ron's brilliant idea for Harry to drink Felix Felicis that night and ask Slughorn about Horcruxes. Slughorn had given Harry the missing memory after drinking to the eternal remembrance of a giant, man-eating spider. Harry had rushed the memory straight to Dumbledore and now he could relate what had followed the previous night to the other two.
"It's a part of his soul," Harry whispered while they waved their wands to hide their mouths moving. "Voldemort's soul. He made pieces of his soul to hide away so that he can never really die unless they're all destroyed."
"Bloody hell," Ron whispered back, accidentally whacking Harry on the head and earning a glare from Professor Flitwick. "He's like a bug you just can't squash."
"There is some good news," Harry said. "We've already destroyed two of them. Dumbledore figures there are four of them left so Voldemort would have seven pieces of his soul, his own body included."
"Riddle's Diary." Hermione hissed beside them.
"Exactly. Knew you'd catch on fast 'Mione. The ring that Dumbledore is wearing now too. There was a curse on it that blackened his hand when he destroyed the bit of soul in it. Apparently, his good buddy Snape helped him out with that so it wouldn't kill him."
Hermione grimaced at Harry's sarcastic tone, but she felt a surge of pride rise up in her chest to hear that Severus had healed Dumbledore.
"And there's… there's something else. The Prophecy… it's… well, I think Dumbledore was trying to tell me that the Prophecy is true, but only as true as I make it. Nothing's forcing me and only me to kill Voldemort, just like no one's forcing him to want to kill me. It's just… just a fact, I guess. I do want to kill him and if it takes years to do it, I'll still chase him down until he's dead because of who I am and what I want to do, not because some Prophecy demands it of me."
"So, it isn't… fated?" Ron asked, frowning. "That you two have to kill each other?"
"Well… it might be." Harry said, shrugging. "But I've chosen it, too."
And it was as if Harry's words struck deep into Hermione's heart, warming her.
This is exactly what Future-Hermione had told her about her own travels through time. There was some unavoidable element of fate or destiny in her actions through time, but that didn't mean her free will had suddenly disappeared.
"You choose this," she had said to herself firmly, pointing to Severus.
The anxiety Hermione had felt for the past two months after learning the details of the mission slowly evaporated. Maybe it didn't matter either way if she interacted with Severus in the past. Perhaps this is why he had asked her of her next mission more than once.
Yes, perhaps Lily Potter was fated to die, and Severus was fated to love her, and Hermione was fated to love Severus now and hurt him then by failing ultimately to protect Lily, but that didn't mean there were no choices involved. Hermione could do what she could to prolong Lily's life, even give her a brief period of happiness with marriage and a child. That was still a choice, and it wasn't a bad one.
Harry explained the rest of what he had learned about Horcruxes and the promise that he would get to help look for one soon. When the bell rang, they left Charms with instructions to practice the spell that only Hermione seemed to have mastered. All three of them were smiling and lighthearted. Ron had ended it with Lavender the night before and was glad to be out from under her very clingy thumb, and Ginny and Dean were no longer together, so Harry was quite cheery. Hermione had finally made peace with the object of the mission. She was smiling as well.
After she had heard everything that had happened, both from Harry and from the rest of the rumour mill, Hermione slipped away for a walk to clear her head. She used her prefect rounds as a cover for the reason she was out pacing the corridors late at night.
In her righteous indignation and fury at Harry's misuse of the Prince's book to nearly kill Draco Malfoy, Hermione had been chastised by Ginny for giving Harry a well-deserved scolding. It was beyond demoralizing to realize that, after all she did and continued to do for Harry and the Order, her opinions were written off as simply those of a Know-It-All killjoy. Yet even if she were right, it could never be acknowledged. Maybe a 'Next time we'll listen to Hermione' or a 'See, we should have trusted her when she said the book was off'.
Hermione sighed as she passed the Defense classroom on her walk.
Severus made an unbreakable vow to protect Malfoy. At least, Harry had overheard Snape saying he had made the vow when Harry followed him months ago. Hermione had recalled this important information after Harry had admitted to the incident with Malfoy in the bathroom. She wondered how Severus was doing, glad he had protected his charge, and wondered if he would also like a late-night stroll.
Hermione also ruminated more about the coming mission. It had been a few weeks since her acceptance of the task, but she had figured out more.
Three years, maybe four.
For Severus, it would be no time at all… but for her, it would be years. It would be years til she would truly see him again. It made her heart ache just thinking of it.
Apart from occasional attempts to perform Occlumency on her mind, in which she successfully laid bare her casual information and hid her secrets, there had been no interactions with Severus. Nothing had changed for her, but she had grown much more reluctant to see him. She did not want to discuss the mission, nor did she want to give anything away in her behaviour. She was completely enamored, and she didn't want it to become obvious.
Harry kept giving her and Ron knowing looks, and she did nothing to dissuade him of his ideas. As long as Ron stayed cautiously friendly, still trying to win his way back into her good graces after months of silence, Hermione was satisfied. It was all a perfect screen for falling in love with her Professor.
Hermione was startled out of her thoughts when she recognized a gentle brush against her mind.
Severus silently directed her towards his empty classroom, struggling to keep his shields up as he did so. Once she was inside and the door locked and warded, he rounded on her.
"Where is it?" He hissed.
"Where is what?" She frowned at him, looking put off.
"Don't test my patience, Granger. The book Potter was-"
"Hermione."
He glared at her, looking ominous at the interruption, but she merely stuck her chin out and gave him a pointed look.
"Hermione," she repeated. "We're alone, so you can call me Hermione."
Damn, it has been too long.
"I am your Professor, Granger," he whispered through gritted teeth. "It's Granger, or Miss Granger if I am feeling particularly cordial… which I am not."
"Well, Professor," she said with a far too casual air. "I'm not sure why we didn't have this discussion in the corridor. I'm sure you know what is implied when a man and woman lock and ward the door."
Fuck. It has been far too long.
He pursed his lips and said nothing, waiting until he saw her eyes widen slightly and her chin quaver a bit. Cannot keep her acting that cheeky.
"Yes, Hermione," he said in a low voice, watching her inhale slightly at the unexpected reaction. "I am quite cognizant of the implication… and hope to capitalize on it shortly." He nearly smirked as her pupils dilated and she gave him a heated look. "However, I must first know the whereabouts of the Potions book that Potter has been using. It is of vital import that it is returned to me." He looked at her pointedly.
"If I see him using it again, I will let you know. He's kept me away from the thing for months- I've been trying to get him to stop using it, but he's stubborn." She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest before shrugging. "I mean, I understand. He learned a few good spells and helpful Potions tips from it, but it's basically cheating to not use his own ideas-"
"Stop." He held up a hand. "What spells?"
"Well, there's Muffliato and Levicorpus. The first muffles-"
"I know what they do. You must-"
"Do please stop interrupting me. I'm sure you don't like it when I do it to you." She glared up at him, arms still crossed.
Oh, my little Firebird.
Was it masochistic of him that he was aroused by confident, powerful women, or was it fueled by a sadistic urge to bring them down? Never the matter. He embraced the dark either way.
He replied in a silky voice, illustrating his desire. "I would so enjoy hearing you pontificate, but as mentioned previously, I am endeavoring to make this short." He took pleasure in seeing her lower her arms, shivering slightly.
"You must promise me," he continued, "never to use spells from that book. The individual who owned that book was clearly… disturbed."
"I would never- I understand Harry didn't know what the spell did, but the muffling spell…" she trailed off and looked up at him, maybe expecting to be interrupted at this point. When greeted with silence, she realized her protest had been half-hearted anyway and she didn't quite want to finish. "… it has its uses."
He nodded. "And the dark arts can be informative, useful even, but this is how corruption begins. It is a slow game, and simply learning information can be enticing at first. Then there is the desire to learn more and more, no matter what the consequences may be." He paused and looked at her pointedly, his eyes dark. "I would not want you to become… seduced."
"By- by the dark arts?"
He smirked then, eyes not leaving hers. "By the dark arts."
She nodded, gazing up at him. "I promise."
He raised an eyebrow. "To?"
"To not become seduced," she replied levelly, smirking back at him.
He stepped closer to her.
"By the dark arts," he clarified.
She kept her smirk and raised her own eyebrow at him. He stepped closer to her.
"By the dark arts," he said again.
Again, she didn't answer. She bit her lip, but she didn't seem the slightest bit nervous as she returned his gaze.
Severus growled.
He strode forward and she leapt sideways, dodging him. Severus turned his head to her, to see her retreating across the opposite wall, grinning widely.
His eyes darkened and he gave chase.
Soon they were shooting charms and blocking spells, determined not to hurt the other, but only to trip them up. Jelly-legs jinx, tickling charms, anything to make the chase more exciting. Severus couldn't help but think that Hermione was just as alluring as he remembered her from years before, making cat eyes at him and holding him at bay with a half-hearted attempt at a shield.
It is a bit of masochism, he thought, his smirk widening as she sent a weak stunner at his legs. He parried it easily, attempting to bind her with ropes that shot out of his wand. She sliced them away from her and his smirk grew feral. He didn't mind in the least if she beat him, after all.
Then again, he thought, there is a sadistic thrill involved in the capture.
They kept at it until the spellwork became so half-hearted that the normally master duelists would have been embarrassing themselves in front of an audience. The pretense was kept up just before Severus pulled Hermione into his arms as she gave a delighted laugh. He chuckled appreciatively and tugged her down to the floor, sitting her in his lap and kissing her languidly. As aroused as he was, he forced himself to keep his hands at her waist. Hermione gave a muffled groan of approval as their lips met, and they snogged for a few minutes before she pulled away.
"What changed your mind?" She said, smiling at him and stroking his dark hair. "I thought we couldn't…" She trailed off, biting her lip, not wanting to quite admit what they shouldn't be doing because she wanted all of it.
He sighed and put his head back against the wall. "We still cannot. I am simply a fool with poor impulse control."
Hermione tried to hold in a laugh, which came out as a snort. Severus lifted his head and glared at her, only causing her to giggle. "I'm sorry," she insisted, smiling. "You're just the last person I'd place as having poor impulse control."
"With you, around you… it is different. You are different."
Hermione flushed in pleasure as she looked at him.
His dark eyes shone. He found himself wanting to admit everything to her now but settled simply for honestly answering her question. "I nearly died." He said quietly. "My life is forfeit as is, but I still hope to have more time. For a few brief moments I was in agony, not knowing if…" He turned to her and held her face gently in his hands.
Not knowing if I could hold you or touch you again, or finally have you to myself fully at finally the proper moment in time, without a war or a master hanging over me. You are the one fucking thing Severus Snape has ever had for himself that he wanted to have, and this is the one fucking moment in time I can have you, it seems. Not knowing if I could have you was worse than death.
"Not knowing." He said simply.
"I don't understand," she whispered. "How did you nearly die?"
He said nothing, wondering if she could guess at it.
"Oh…oh, Malfoy was hurt…and… and you could have…" she gulped, looking up at him. Her voice became firm then. "You won't die, Severus. I swear to you, I will keep you alive." She seemed adamant about that.
He frowned.
Does she know about the Unbreakable vow? How could she know that?
"What do you know, Hermione?" He said quietly. He still held her head gently between his long hands.
"Professor Dumbledore…. He… he told me." She closed her eyes, appearing to steel herself to go on. "He told me all about what will happen, Severus." She opened her eyes. "For me, what changed my mind is that I… I won't be seeing you for a while, will I? Not like this. It won't be possible."
Severus' eyes widened and brows furrowed.
Dumbledore told her? He told her I am supposed to prop my spoiled godson up to kill him and possibly take the credit for it? He's told her all that? Presumably, Potter has disclosed the nature of the meetings with the Headmaster as well, so that means she has access to… everything. She must know everything.
Severus released her face slowly as he thought.
Hell, can I let her know in turn…? Damn! I need to know all the outcomes!
I cannot help but love her now, I have already loved her, but am I simply forcing it all to play out this way again? I have already forced my younger self to love her if she uses the Time-Turner now… but no, let us rely on alternate timelines prevailing here.
Do not think of the past.
Do not think of the future.
Think of the now.
He was about to speak before he stiffened and let out a hiss.
"What?" Hermione said, startled.
"Word must have gotten back to the Dark Lord about Potter's escapade." Severus gently moved Hermione off his lap and they both stood. "I must go."
"I know." She said.
Severus made no move to go, warring with himself.
Think of the now. Take what you can while you can, consequences be damned.
He grabbed her, clutching her to his chest as he kissed her fervently. She sighed, melting into his embrace just before he released her.
Severus forced himself to leave, giving her a brief nod and sweeping out of the room.
A few hours later, the Dark Lord having been informed of Draco's safety and what was sure to be a quick recovery, Severus returned to the castle. He was none the worse for wear, Voldemort needing to keep his charges in Hogwarts intact long enough to carry out the planned assassination.
Nevertheless, Severus stank of grime and blood, remnants from the activities that had preceded his arrival at the meeting. He took a quick shower and washed his hair before changing into fresh robes and making his way to Dumbledore's office to issue his report.
He could tell something was wrong when he arrived through the Floo.
Dumbledore was waiting for him, despite the fact that it was close to four in the morning. Usually when Severus returned from a Death Eater meeting, he would wake and inform Fawkes, who would then go to fetch the sleeping headmaster.
"Severus." The headmaster greeted him levelly. He was standing in the center of the room, not seated at his desk, and not looking particularly tired.
"Albus." Severus nodded cordially. His well-honed sense of danger from years as a spy was blaring an alarm inside his head.
"Severus, I am afraid…" Albus sighed. "I am afraid you will not forgive me for failing to consult you. I am truly sorry to go behind your back, but I am convinced it is for the greater good. The ultimate good."
"Albus." Severus said stiffly. "What have you done?"
Albus Dumbledore looked away, not meeting his eyes. "Miss Granger traveled to August 8, 1977 less than five minutes ago."
Severus closed his eyes. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry or scream or fall to the ground. He didn't know if he was happy about this or not. He had only just resolved to live for the now.
I truly did set myself up to fail. She was never false with me.
Severus opened his eyes, finally meeting Albus' blue ones.
Before either of them spoke, a blood-curdling shriek echoed through the office. The two men stared down at the floor as the figure of Hermione Granger flashed into view before snapping back out of sight again. Severus found himself on the floor, holding thin air where she had just been.
"Albus!" He roared, his face ashen. His head whipped up in fury to stare at the shocked old man. "Do you know if she survives? Do you know if she lives?!"
Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was silent.
He turned as pale as his beard and hung his head in shame.