Hello :P It is Wednesday and I am back with a new chapter. This one is a little intense actually and focuses on a lot of emotions. It's inspired by a few scenes in one of my favourite movies 'Into The Woods' and takes place during Ash's second bout of darkness when Misty is slipping in and out of consciousness after Rey is born. I hope you all enjoy!

Ages:

Ash: 30

Jerry: 51

Disclaimer: I own Ash's father, Jerry Ketchum, with AAML-TAML :3

I tried to hide it but I couldn't help but shiver in the icy blue moonlight of Viridian Forest, my teeth chattering even more so as each minute passed. I longed to be in the warm. I longed to have a roof over my head. I longed for proper routine and the feeling of security in this already miserable time. I ached to go home. But home no longer felt like home to Ash. So I stayed. I stayed with him. I stayed by his side. I stayed loyal, as I had always done. I wouldn't ever give up on him, even if he gave up on himself. It was beyond hard. But I just had to. For him.

I breathed out and tried to distract myself from my own gut wrenching thoughts. I looked up at the sky and it seemed to represent the awful situation that had befallen us all. Dark and cold but with the beaming light of the moon. The new little baby Ash and Misty had was a moonlight. Or perhaps she was a sunlight. Either way, she was surrounded by a dark situation and was destined to be the glow of light at the centre of it all, warming us through and binding us back together.

Turning my head to look at the trees, I couldn't help but sniffle quietly. They were rustling with the wind yet they were sturdy. Just like most of us. Getting battered by the present but still hanging in there together.

My eyes filled with tears and I did my best to blink them back as absolutely everything seemed to remind me of pain. I just couldn't switch off. My brain went black and for a few moments I couldn't tell what I was looking at. Ash snapped me out of my thoughts exhaustedly when he saw my eyes were staring into his.

"Why are you looking at me like that, buddy?" he muttered, calling me a pet name but it felt like it was out of habit rather than out of adoration like it normally was. That hurt. That really did hurt.

I instantly snapped out of my thoughts when I heard this voice and it was easy because my brain wasn't even sure what it was thinking. I looked at Ash innocently because I really didn't know what I was looking at but my best friend was not in a good place. He was broken. He was paranoid. He was insecure. He was dark.

"I said, why are you looking at me like that?" he repeated, his voice getting slightly harder and I worried for his sake that he might be getting angry but I soon realised his voice and body was far too drained to express fully that fiery emotion.

I quickly shrugged and looked away, breathing out. But instead of putting his energy into making things right when we all knew he could, he was clearly focusing it on getting an answer out of me.

"Tell me why you're looking at me like that." He stated this time, rather than asking a question and he wrapped his arms further around himself as he swung depressingly in his hammock. Another enquiry soon slipped out. "Why are you looking at me like that? You always seem to be looking at me like that."

I breathed out just as exhaustedly as him and adjusted myself on the tree branch I was sitting on, about to open my mouth and ask him what exactly he meant but I didn't have to. He spoke again.

"You always seem to be looking at me like that." He repeated before his lips pursed in a way I couldn't quite read or understand why before massaging his own fingers. "Lost. Confused. Searching. Like you don't know me anymore."

That's because I don't.

I wished more than anything that I had said this in my head but I hadn't. I had said it out loud and Ash's reaction upon hearing this was quick and enough for my stomach and heart to fill with guilt. Like him, in that moment I wished I could disappear. He was in so much pain already. I didn't want to cause him anymore. Even if it was the truth.

His usually tanned cheeks that were now paler and drained grew flushed when he heard my words and his eyes pricked with tears. But like many times before and many times yet to come, the darkness took over. He gritted his teeth and looked at me with fury. But I wasn't scared. I was upset, of course, but I wasn't scared. He was my best friend. And I knew what was in his heart. I always did. And I always would.

"How could you say that?" he half yelled in frustration before he jolted as if somebody stepped out of his body before his eyes filled with more tears and his vulnerable side took over. "How could you say that? I'm here. I'm still here. I'm freaking lost but I'm here. And I'm trying."

I breathed out sadly at his reactions and words, my heart clenching but I didn't really feel like being one hundred percent comforting at that moment. Misty was slipping in and out of consciousness in a hospital. James was taking care of his child. Pain had been inflicted on everyone in our group. The one person who could make it right again wasn't taking the bull by the horns. I loved him. But I was achingly frustrated.

Are you, Ash? Are you really trying? Because I think by trying, there would at least be some results.

My raven haired best friend stuck his nose in the air and he really didn't want to be hearing the truth. I didn't care. It was for his own good. He tried to shun me but he just couldn't. He breathed out. He was a very thoughtful guy. He couldn't stop his emotions coming. He couldn't stop the tears pricking his eyes.

"Believe it or not, I am trying. Sometimes I sit here in the middle of the night and I think about cradling that baby in my arms. Sometimes I sit here and I think about cradling my baby and I imagine Misty over my shoulder telling me what to do. Just hold it close. Just cuddle it. Just soothe the child. Just calm the child."

I watched as, after Ash's darkened brown orbs filled with tears, he shut his eyes and moved his hands as if he was cradling an infant. His lips moved silently and I thought I saw Misty's name appear on them. I could tell he was thinking about what he just explained. And it killed me.

But just as quickly as his bout of darkness had come in the hospital shortly after his child's birth, Ash's eyes opened again and they glistened with frustration with himself. He dropped his arms and I winced like he was throwing his baby away.

"I just can't do it Pikachu. I just can't." he muttered and breathed out heavily as he climbed out of his hammock and began to pace up and down the woods. "I can't be a father to that baby. My head was suddenly filled with darkness. My heart too. I can't mess that perfect little thing up."

I climbed into Ash's hammock to feel the warmth of his body even though his heart was cold and was about to open my mouth when he looked at me with desperate and tear filled eyes.

"How can I be a father when I had no father of my own to show me how?" he suddenly said, catching me off guard and causing me a déjà vu as he hadn't been vulnerable enough to say these words in many moons.

I bit my lip, thinking of what to do or what to say. I could have just hugged him. I didn't. I could have offered him soothing words. I didn't. I could have waited for him just to speak again. I didn't. I decided to roll my eyes, but not rudely or unkindly. They were truthful. Showing him the truth that he had been a father to four other children without a father of his own and done just brilliantly. More than brilliantly. He put even more time and energy and love into it than even perhaps his Pokémon training with me when he was just a little lad.

Even though the sad situation had made me feel far away from him which killed me daily, Ash looked into my eyes and I believed he could understand what I was thinking to myself. He breathed out emotionally, resuming pacing up and down after our eyes locked.

"I can't do it again." He muttered sharply and precisely but still with not enough energy to upset me. I breathed out along with him and waited for him to speak once more. "I can't explain the darkness and pain that's going on in my head and heart. I thought I battled this. Clearly not. This is a battle for me to win. I have to do this. But right now, I don't know how. I don't know how, Pikachu."

It was at that moment that he said my name so expressively that a lump formed in my throat and for a split second I felt like the old Ash was back. I felt as though I was home. It was at this moment that Ash suddenly flopped his behind back into his hammock and began crying brokenly into his hands.

I didn't hesitate to throw my arms around his neck this time, wishing more than anything that my limbs and body were bigger to hold him even tighter than ever. As Ash sobbed and whimpered into his hands, I just held him. I listened when he spoke. I licked away his tears. I simply held him. And although he was clearly falling apart, I somehow knew he was going to be okay.

I only had to worry about him when he shut off completely. When he was showing emotion, no matter how fiery or unpleasant, I knew he was going to be okay. Because those emotions meant he still had fight in him. And it was that fight in him that was going to make him seize the day when he was ready and fix everything for his family and for himself. I believed in him. I couldn't emphasise it enough. I believed in him.

When my best friend didn't have anything more to say and I didn't have any more comforting words to offer him, we just stayed hugging. When my dear Ash could cry no more tears and I no longer had to wipe them away, we looked up at the moon. And we were reconnected in those moments. Two best friends against the world. Together. Not apart in distance or head space. Human and Pokémon. Beyond different on the outside but deeply the same on the inside. I loved him more than I would ever be able to express with words or actions. He encouraged me. He loved me. He stood by my side. He gave me a purpose. He made life worth living. He was my everything. And he was lost. But I was more than happy to make him see a light at the end of the tunnel. He blessed my life and heart daily with his kindness and his smile.

We were about to move even closer to one and other and embrace even tighter when suddenly the rustling of leaves on the ground could be heard. We were in a forest so that was normal. But it didn't sound like the wind or a creature. It sounded like footsteps. Ash had had many people finding him from our group and convincing him and sometimes begging him to come home before deciding to just make sure he was safe and heading off to leave the decision of returning to him. He automatically gulped upon hearing footsteps, thinking he might be in for another convincing. He got ready to hide under his hammock with me for the night and pull his make shift curtain across before someone suddenly appeared.

My best friend's eyes grew wide when they studied before realising who exactly it was. An expected reaction would be to be overjoyed. But like I mentioned before, Ash was in a dark place. He was not happy to see this man. Almost fully resolved issues were unresolved in his confused mine. He gritted his teeth slightly – most unlike him.

"Dad." He almost hissed, his eyes darkening and his cheeks already flushing with built up and supressed emotion. "What on earth are you doing here?"

I climbed onto Ash's shoulder protectively and absentmindedly narrowed my own eyes but couldn't help but note that he was acting like it was weird for Jerry to be here when it was weird for us to be there too. I didn't dare point this out. I might have ended up on the receiving end of childhood emotions.

Ash's father blinked his reddish brown orbs with confusion that his son wasn't happy to see him before giving him that charming (not in my opinion) smile of his and running a hand through his thick and dark locks. Ash slumped back into his hammock, his body trembling.

"I came to find you, of course." He spoke to him and held out his hand to receive a high five from Ash before blinking once again when he didn't get what he wanted. Ash didn't have the energy to raise an eyebrow at him but I did.

He held his hands up defensively and was about to speak when Ash did. I was proud of him. He was shaking in the cold and I loved him more than ever.

"Brilliant." He muttered and ran his fingers through his own dark locks before stopping when he realised that's what Jerry was doing. "I suppose you used whatever tricks you have to get my mother to accidentally blurt out where I've been hiding. How typical of you."

I breathed out with slight shock but even more so with pride that Ash wasn't so completely dense and blind to think that his father was unflawed let alone not in the least bit smarmy.

Jerry blinked innocently and breathed out with more hurt, causing me to roll my eyes and yes, unkindly this time. He noticed and his arms dropped to his sides as his attitude dropped. Ash had been learning but I'm not so stubborn to admit that so had he. He decided to take a leaf out of Ash's (or maybe Jordan's) book and be sincere.

"Of course I knew where to find you when you went missing." He breathed out and thought about coming to join us near the hammock before deciding to take things one step at a time. He was about to add to his sentence when Ash muttered so very bitterly and filled with hurt.

"You shouldn't know about here. This is a precious place to Misty and I. I can't imagine why I would ever share these details with someone as unromantic as you."

I blinked with shock along with Jerry but my look was with impressiveness that Ash knew how to hold his own. I wanted to believe he was saying these things at his own accord but I believed that he had heard James or Jordan saying these things about Delia's ex. This didn't make me any less proud, however.

Jerry continued blinking his reddish brown orbs innocently for quite some time and ran a hand through his hair, lost for words at his son pushing him away when their relationship hadn't been too rocky for many years at that point. All of a sudden, Ash couldn't stand that look anymore. That innocent but not sincere look wondering what he did wrong. The look he showed when he was accused of not being the kindest to Delia. The look he expressed when he was found of being over flirtatious. Ash could not stand it anymore. He gritted his teeth and he got up, wanting to get as far away from him as possible.

"Go away, I don't want to see you." He muttered through gritted and trying to be strong teeth but tears spilled out of his eyes as he just walked away with me.

My heart thumped with hurt for him. That no matter how cold and dark and cramped it was, that was our home until our real home felt safe enough for him again. Jerry was invading it. He was invading it like he invaded his heart with painful thoughts when he walked out on him as a child. That camp was our home. But Ash was my home. And I would walk if that's what he wanted. We walked away from Jerry.

To my surprise, he followed and his eyes looked, dare I say it? Sincere with worry.

He let out a loud breath and put his all into trotting behind us, his thick and slicked back with his fingers hair unravelling in the woods.

He opened his mouth to speak through his shaky breath as his son walked faster and away from him but Ash suddenly stopped, turning on his heel to look right at him. His eyes didn't look at him with open arms.

"What are you doing here?" he asked shortly before turning back around and walking faster than ever away from his father. I tried to ignore the fact that Jerry left him and now Ash was leaving him.

I expected the raven haired older male to blink those unapologetic eyes of his and play the victim but he didn't. He did quite well. He grabbed Ash by the shoulder that I wasn't sitting on and looked at his son with truthful eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked him with a hinting edge to his voice, quickly going back to following after Ash and I when Ash just gritted his teeth and stubbornly refused to talk to his father. "You know I'm right. You shouldn't be here. You should be at home with your family. You should be-"

"Oh what, like you were at home and there for me?" Ash suddenly snapped and turned around to face Jerry with the same honest eyes but laced with frustration and bitterness. He didn't give him time to speak. "Don't you tell me what to do when you did exactly the same. No, worse. I'm staying away for the good of my child. You stayed away for the good of yourself."

I could feel Ash's burning skin with emotion as he ranted and I could feel my cheeks burning with pride. I was sure the emotion and energy that night was going to put Ash on the path to going back home.

Once again, Jerry surprised me and he furrowed his brow and nodded as he agreed with the truth, running his fingers back through his hair.

"I know. I was-"

"Selfish." Ash nodded his head once and didn't hesitate to finish his sentence for him and continued walking with me. He was too heated up to notice we were beginning to walk back towards the camp.

Jerry just breathed out and stopped; doing something I had never seen him do as he wrapped his arms around himself. He breathed out again, clearly hoping him stopping would encourage Ash to stop and actually talk to him. It worked.

"I know I was selfish. I was young. I wasn't ready to be a father. So I chose not to be one." He ruined his almost sincere almost apology but ruined it by shrugging. Ash gritted his teeth, his eyes pricking with fiery and hot emotional tears.

"You chose to be my father when I was a baby and then suddenly you decided that was a mistake. You should have been there one hundred percent or not at all. You fucked me about."

I blinked slightly at Ash's language and my teeth began to chatter all over again when I couldn't help but feel that he was screaming at Jerry for something he was close to doing himself. I almost wanted Jerry to point this out but he didn't yet.

He got ready to open his mouth when Ash was suddenly hit by even more emotion when in the heat of the moment, like it often did in intense situations, something that seemed not very important was clearly important to him. He shoved his father in the chest and hissed.

"You never even taught me how to shave!" he met his eyes before looking at the ground, the tears sliding down his cheeks and dripping onto the leaves below.

Jerry blinked in shock at Ash's words more so than the shove but took a step back anyway; he breathed out and tried to think of what to say when, once again, the younger male got there first.

"You never even taught me how to shave! We could have had all these moments together but you chose to give in to your fear! We could have shared that moment! I could have come to you when I was crushing on Misty! We could have cried together when she miscarried! We could have trained Pokemon together! We could have gone for days in the park together! But no! That was me and mom! That was me and mom because you didn't have the balls to be a father!"

It was an understatement to say that I was deeply moved and sobbed quietly to myself at the emotion of Ash's words that it didn't hit me at first that Jerry had done what I was hoping he'd do.

"You're doing exactly the same, Ash." He muttered shakily with his own emotion, trying not to break down in his own tears at the realisation (for hopefully not the first time) that they had both missed out on so much. "You're doing exactly the same."

My best friend was crying and broken but his head snapped up, his nose dripping as he tried to fathom his father's words. Before he could ask his dad to repeat them, Jerry continued boldly.

"How old is Ben?" he asked and I expected him not to know but I gave him an approving and slightly apologetic nod when he proved me wrong. "He's ten. Ben is ten. In a few years, he's going to need you to teach him how to shave. And if you're not here then he's going to have exactly what you had. A father not teaching him shave."

Ash gritted his teeth and wanted to push his father away but his whole body began shivering as he continued ignoring his words.

"And Katie – she's ten too. She's going through her own hardships and she's going to need you to be there to cry with her." Jerry breathed out shakily, giving Ash's heart and soul emotions and realisation with each example. "James is four. He's going to definitely want to play with Pokémon at the very least with you. Jessika is three. She's certainly going to want to have days in the park with you."

My best friend covered his eyes but his tears continued streaming down his cheeks and I knew he was listening. Jerry sighed out shakily before speaking again, his voice thick with emotion.

"And this new little baby is almost a month old. You could have each and every one of those things with her. But only if you want it."

I expected Ash to break down in more tears but, like his father before him, he surprised me with his reaction. He yelled. But it was with passion and not anger.

"Of course I want it!" he bellowed before breaking down in more sobs but not covering his eyes. For once, he wasn't ashamed. "I was never going to abandon them for good! I just need time! I just need time! They are my everything. I promised to give them my best. And I am giving them my best. Just from afar rather than up close."

My own knees went weak with relief as for the first time I heard from Ash's own voice that he had every intention to return. And I believed that because he said them, he would achieve them. The emotional male's knees went weak at the same time mine did and he flopped emotionally back to his hammock.

"I promise." He wept agonisingly, his own hand gripping onto his shirt. "I promise I won't leave them. I promise I can't. They are my home. Of course I'm going to return back home."

I gripped onto Ash and we cried together and I misread Jerry by assuming that he was going to take off now that he had actually been helpful to Ash. He didn't.

He carefully bent down in front of him and reached out to touch his shoulder. Ash's lightening brown orbs met his father's reddish brown ones and he hiccupped in between sobs.

Jerry could have just hugged Ash. He didn't. He could have just smiled at him. He didn't. He could have offered words of wisdom and encouragement. He did. In his own way.

He gave his shoulder a squeeze and gave him an almost soft smile, his face lighting up with belief towards Ash and sincerity in the moonlight.

"Be better than me." He told Ash before nodding his head and repeating, his eyes welling up slightly. "Be better than me, son."

I didn't know for sure but judging by the way Ash voluntarily wept into his father's shoulder upon hearing this word made it plain to me that Jerry had never addressed him as 'son'. Ash wasn't just a son. He was my best friend. He was my brother. He was Misty's husband. He was five children's father. He was Jordan and Lynne's son in law. He was Ash. He was everything. I believed in him with everything. I didn't know if it was Jerry's words that day or simply just that one word that did indeed push Ash onto the path to returning home. It was a huge possibility it was neither. In fact, I was sure it was neither. At the end of the day, it all came down to Ash.

He had been hit by darkness. He had been battered and bruised by it in fact. But he had a choice, as he we all do. He had a choice about whether he let it beat him or not. And did he? He sure as hell didn't. He fought it. He fought it with all his strength on his strong days and as much as he could on his weak days. And he succeeded. And along the way, he succeeded in re-teaching many people all over again that you don't need a reason to help someone else. And you most certainly don't need a reason to help yourself out and go and grab exactly what you want in life.

The End.

There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :3 The text that is underlined is what Pikachu's saying to Ash which is something I haven't done in a while. And writing about Ash and Jerry is something I wanted to achieve this year so I'm pleased I did this. It was also fun to go back to the theme of Ash's darkness seeing as it was something I was really into this time last year before Jordan and Lynne took over :P Thanks again and I will be back next Wednesday so see you then!

AmyBieberKetchum signing out :3